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ROBARDS COUNSELING & CONSULTING, INC.

ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile


ENFP Comprehensive Personality Profile

Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


Michael A. RoBards, MSSW, CSW

www.insightgame.org
www.insightsystem.com

© RoBards Counseling & Consulting, Inc.


3533 Dayton Avenue
Louisville, KY 40207
Phone 502.315.9061 • Fax 502.897.3544
Table of Contents
Introduction 4

ENFP Profile 10

NF Managerial Profile 23

NF Employee Profile 34

Loving Profile Introduction 41

NF Loving Profile 45

SJ & NF Loving Profile 52

NF & NT Loving Profile 59

NF & SP Loving Profile 65

Origins & Caveats 72

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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Introduction
Type-Temperament Theory divides humanity into sixteen types, based on
four pairs of interactive factors.

We are information processors, all of us, all the time, every day. We live our
lives by taking in data, determining what needs to be done, and taking ac-
tion.

The input process of becoming aware is called perception. The output proc-
ess of decision-making and reacting is called judging.

People vary enormously in terms of how much they enjoy the perceptive
process and how they prefer to perceive reality.

Likewise, people can be classified by how much they like making judgments
and how they prefer to do so.

The Insight Game first distinguishes perceptive types from judging types.

Do You Prefer Perception or Judgment?


Perceptive types deal with their environment most comfortably when they
are observing, absorbing, or otherwise taking notice of the world around
them. Judging types deal with reality most easily when they are forming
judgments or conclusions about what they perceive.

The perceptive type is patient with gathering data about people, ideas and
day-to-day occurrences. The judging type begins to organize what is ob-
served almost immediately: summarizing, classifying, simplifying or other-
wise "pigeon-holing" reality into boxes built by previous experience.

In their extremes, perceptive people may have a hard time ever "getting to
the bottom line" in making even routine decisions, while judging people may
"jump the gun" and make up their minds about issues before enough infor-
mation has been gathered to take an informed stand.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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Perceptive types can be wishy-washy, if their judgment is not developed.
Judging types can be stubborn and reactive, if their perception is not devel-
oped.

It is apparent by now that no one could really be all perceptive, or all judg-
ing, since perception must precede judgment, and judgment does eventually
follow perception, but--with most people--one process does tend to pre-
dominate. The tendency to have a clear preference for one attitude over the
other is both natural and adaptive. It defines one important aspect of your
personality type.

The ideally balanced person has an adaptive mixture of perception and


judgment: perception to give awareness and judgment to form opinions, de-
velop attitudes, and take action at the appropriate time.

Are Your Perceptions Based on Sensory or


Intuitive Information About the World?

All of us perceive reality in two stages. First of all, we use our sensing abil-
ity, and then we process the sensory data using our intuition. People may be
divided processes they prefer to use. Thus, we distinguish sensing
from intuitive types by their preferred perceptive process.

People who rely on sensory information to guide their awareness of the


world are often described as realists. They are keen observers and proud of
it. They live in the here and now and like the neighborhood. They use
their sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch to tell them about life.

Sensing people tend to rely on familiar tactics and past experience to guide
their perception of new situations.

While the sensing person perceives what is seen, the intuitive person forms
perceptions by combining what is seen with ideas and associations from
imagination and memory.

Intuitive people see life more in terms of imaginative possibility than practi-
cal reality. They look to the future. They search for meaning. They revel in

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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images, ideas, theory and speculation. They are experimenters. They try out
new ways of interpreting things. They prefer indirect routes of perception.
Their view of reality is guided and shaped by their unconscious.

At their personality extremes, sensing-type people may seem rather lack-


luster and unimaginative, while intuitive people may seem to have no sense
of reality. The former may appear to have feet planted too firmly on the
ground, while the latter may seem to fly through the air and never touch
down.

Sensors make good reporters but poor poets. Intuitives may well be mathe-
matical geniuses, but you probably wouldn't knowingly pick one to be your
bookkeeper.

Again, all of us need and use both sensing and intuitive processing to form
perceptions. But most of us most of us favor one process more than the
other. And that preference is an important part of your personality type.

Do You Make Judgments on the Basis of


Thinking or Feeling?
After the perceptions of any life situation have been formed by sensing and
intuition, we tabulate the results, draw conclusions, and take action. That's
what we mean by judging.

To form judgments, all people apply two processes in series. First, we think.
Then we use feeling. But we don't rely on those processes in equal measure.
At least most of us don't, and there's good reason to believe that it's
healthy, normal, adaptive to have a clear-cut preference for which function
you use. The tendency to choose one process over the other identifies your
preferred judging process.

Those who are most comfortable using their thinking process trust rational
analysis and impersonal logic to guide their decision-making. Those who
prefer to use their feelings turn to their inner system of values to direct
their actions.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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The thinking-type person, in the extreme case, may seem hard-hearted and
mechanical in day-to-day affairs. Compassion may seem lacking. The feel-
ing-type person may appear to be irrational, ignoring the facts of a situa-
tion to decide "with the heart," regardless of the outcome.

Are You an Extravert or an Introvert?


Each of us has an inner self--quiet, contemplative, introverted. Our extra-
verted self is the one the world sees. Our introvert is silent, the extravert, vo-
cal.

Those who prefer their extraverted self see people and things as the real stuff
of life, while the introvert deals with ideas as the best reality.

The extravert yearns for contact with a variety of people, while the introvert
yearns for peace and privacy or for association with a small intimate circle
of friends.

When dealing with people on a wholesale basis, the extravert is involved,


while the introvert is detached and reserved. The extravert talks, while the
introvert contemplates. More often than not, the introvert may think without
talking, while the extravert may talk without thinking.

More so than the introvert, the extravert relies on encouragement, support


and acceptance from others. By comparison, the introvert is self-motivated,
self-reinforcing.

The extravert learns by doing, using experience as a laboratory in life. Out-


going, fearless, and almost childlike in naivete, the extravert tends to try the
unknown first and ask questions afterwards. The introvert is far more
shy, cautious and deliberate. In the extreme case, it appears that some intro-
verts must understand life before living it.

The extravert's emotions are accessible, frequently vented, obvious to all


around. The introvert tends to bottle emotion, cork it tightly into little flasks,
deny it, hide it, until--crossing some threshold unannounced to the world--
the cork blows, unleashing pent-up emotion in what may become an explo-
sive eruption.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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The extravert's personality is directed outwards. The face the world sees is
an accurate reflection of the extravert's "real self." If the extravert is a judg-
ing person, then the preferred judging process--either thinking or feeling--
will be the hallmark of the outward personality. Likewise, if the extravert is
a perceptive person and, thus, relies on sensing or intuition as the preferred
perceptive process, every aspect of the extravert's behavior will reflect
those personality tendencies.

But, with the introvert, what you see is not what you get.

If the introvert is a judging person, the thinking/feeling process will charac-


terize the outward personality, but the inner preferred perceptive process will
be the key to understanding the individual's personality--and it will be out of
sight. Remember, to the introvert, the world "out there" is not where their
best reality lies.

By the same token, the introverted perceptive will organize his or her outer
personality using the sensory or intuitive process, for they must have some
extraversion in order to survive in the physical world of people and things,
to function in society. Nonetheless, it is their preferred judging process, ei-
ther thinking or feeling which is the real key to their personality--their
dominant process--and it's underground.

Confusing? You bet it's confusing! But, then, so are introverts. Whether you
are an introvert or love an introvert or work with an introvert, it's well worth
the time you invest to understand their complexity. After all, they make up
one fourth of the population!

A Simplified Approach to Insight


So the four factors are introversion or extraversion (I/E), sensing or intuition
(S/N), thinking or feeling (T/F), and perception or judging (P/J)--and all of
them interact, composing sixteen basic personality types.

A wise psychologist once pointed out that most of us have a hard time re-
membering any combination of things over the "magic number seven." So,

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it's not surprising that a personality theory involving sixteen types is a lit-
tle difficult to understand and use well.

Dr. David Keirsey, a California psychologist, has made an important contri-


bution to this system: simplicity! Keirsey has suggested that four tempera-
mental "cornerstones" are all you need to understand as a beginning to mas-
tering the sixteen types.

At the heart of Keirsey's work is the important observation that sensors and
intuitives are the most different of all the pairs. So, Keirsey's scheme identi-
fies two key groups of sensors and two of intuitives.

For sensors, the greatest differences appear between those who are percep-
tive and those who prefer judging.

For intuitives, the perceptive-judging difference is less critical than that be-
tween feeling and thinking.

So, in Keirsey's convenient shorthand, we've related personality type differ-


ences to his four categories.

We've called the combination of sensing and perception (SP) the REALIST,
sensing and judging (SJ) the LEGALIST, intuition and feeling (NF) the
EMPATHIST, and intuition and thinking (NT) the ANALYST.

The REALIST is physical, spontaneous and game-playing.

The LEGALIST is conservative, serious and responsible.

The EMPATHIST is warm, spiritual and communicative.

The ANALYST is logical, competent and theoretical.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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You are extraverted, intuitive, feeling and perceptive. Your dominant proc-
ess is extraverted intuition. Your auxiliary function is introverted feeling. In-
troverted sensing and extraverted thinking are your least developed func-
tions.

Let's take a look at what this combination of characteristics means in the


day-to-day reality of being you.

ENFP
You Are an Extraverted Intuitive
Invention, innovation, instigation, imagination, individualism, initiative, in-
genuity, inspiration, insight and intellect. Who could be the subject but
someone like you?

You live continually in the realm of the possible, and when you're absorbed
in your latest project you can think of little else. Your energy level is some-
times exhausting to behold. You are virtually tireless in the pursuit of your
latest goal—as long as your interest in the project holds, anyway.

You are an enthusiastic explorer of a world where the horizon is the only fo-
cus of interest. In your search for new experiences, new ideas, and new pro-
jects, you discover over and over again that your goal loses its attractiveness
just as soon as it falls within your grasp—or as soon as its pursuit degener-
ates to hum-drum routine.

When the end's in sight, and your interest wanes, it's a real struggle for you
to muster enough self-discipline to see the task through to its completion.
You're a great starter, but you have a hard time finishing!

More than once, you've reached that point of lost love for a project and have
artfully handed it to a colleague or associate to be completed. You rarely are
at a loss for devoted followers. That commitment and self-confidence you
radiate is infectious, and you have the ability to be a guru for many others
who lack your talent and perseverance and personal drive.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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Your combination of extraversion, intuition and perception arms you well to
be a leader. You have a natural ability to understand others, to figure out
what motivates them, and to appreciate their unique qualities without judg-
ing or criticizing. That kind of open acceptance is seductive, and it wins you
many friends.

You tackle an amazing variety of problems with ease, and the diversity of
your interests is mirrored by the diversity of your friends. You are a collec-
tor of people.

You may be accused of shallowness in your relationships, from time to time.


On the one hand, you meet people quite easily, and you are much more self-
disclosing than most at the early stage of a relationship. On the other hand,
you know people almost instantly as deeply as you'll ever know them.

You do not mean to be fickle, but you have a tendency to move from one
person to another, or from one group to another, with the same ease that
moves you from one grand cause to the next. You tire of people as easily as
you tire of projects.

Diversity is the universal key to happiness in your life. Unless you make a
concerted effort to develop your less-favored psychological processes: in-
sight that comes with the reflection of the introvert, the attention to detail of
the sensing type, and the ability to make decisions and complete unpleasant
tasks that characterizes the judging personality, you may find yourself frit-
tering away your brilliance and impulsive energy on poorly thought-out pro-
jects or ones which never manage to reach successful completion.

Your Auxiliary Process


You are a perceptive person, with intuition as your dominant personality
process. Your sense of judgment is guided by feeling, sentiment. That repre-
sents your non-dominant or auxiliary process. Feeling dominates your inner
world of thoughts and ideas, and it interacts with your extraverted side to
give you the unique temperament you show.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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You are actively sensitive to others, and you easily accommodate the satis-
faction of others' needs into the accomplishment of your goals.

Of all the sixteen personality types, yours is the most enthusiastic and infec-
tious! Your relationships with others, the admiration you receive from your
daily interactions with them, fire you to the highest level of your personal
achievement.

When intuition and feeling combine, the result is a temperament we call the
EMPATHIST: the very cornerstone of your personality.

Intuition plus feeling fires the idealist, the truth-seeker. You focus much of
your energy on the knowledge and perfection of self—to identify your goals,
to build meaningful relationships, to be an authentic person, to be in touch
with yourself and, therefore, to be capable of really touching others.

It is important to the EMPATHIST not merely to be accepted by others, but


to be accepted as your true self—without facade or pretense. You may be
come highly self-critical for failing to achieve the personal authenticity you
strive for. And then you may get down on yourself for being egocentric and
self-conscious!

Give yourself a break! You are among the most sensitive and responsive of
personalities. You provide a rare gift of insight, understanding, appreciation
and support to all your friends. Take the time to bask in the glow of your
own amazing qualities!

In general, relationships and communication form a central focus in your


life. You are sensitive and optimistic when you enter a new relationship. Be-
lieving that intimate, significant contact between people is attainable, you
reach out actively, invest a great amount of time and concern in others, and
you often become disappointed when they do not respond with an equal
measure of caring and enthusiasm. When you are struck by the frustration of
personal relationships, you may become hurt and disillusioned.

The most persuasive writers are intuitive-feeling sorts, and when those incli-
nations are found in an extraverted perceptive, all the makings of effective
leadership are present.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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The combination of feeling and perception puts you in touch with others'
needs, helps you to be truly open and accepting with others—a good listener,
a great appreciator. Intuition helps you abstract and conceptualize the cli-
mate of thought and express it effectively. Extraversion makes it natural for
you to reach out, talk, persuade, sell, make the human connection.

For people like yourself, life is a never-ending drama. What less creative
souls may see as mundane occurrences often strike you as meaningful, sig-
nificant. You tap sources of stimulation and insight from all around, just in
the course of your day-to-day living.

You are capable of keeping life new and fresh, and your infectious enthusi-
asm communicates your sense of the possible to those lucky enough to work
at your side—or in your shadow.

You have the feeling, often, of being on the brink of a great discovery about
people, life. Your intuition gathers together information from the real world
and mixes it with your imagination to synthesize a unique view of reality.
Sometimes you can communicate your vision so well that less creative souls
can share it, too, and that is a rare gift—whatever your professional calling.

The intuitive-feeling person reflexively draws knowledge from sources


which the various sensing and thinking types cannot recognize, understand
or accept as valid. Any time you find yourself trying to deal creatively, or
even cooperatively, with these foreign personality types, you can expect
there to be serious difficulties with communication.

From their perspective, you deal with almost metaphysical sources of infor-
mation. You just know things, and that drives them around the bend and up
the wall. You intuit good and evil, and you trust that intuition about "un-
knowables." You can predict the outcomes of interactions on the basis of
hunches.

Maybe more importantly, you know from experience that your hunches of-
ten are correct, and you're willing to rely on them—whereas other personal-
ity types, solidly and stolidly grounded in a less imaginative, more here-and-
now version of reality, aren't willing to trust their own best instincts, much
less yours!

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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Surprisingly, you can often bring these people around to your point of view,
if you're willing to marshal all that intuitive insight to understanding how
constricted their visual field is, in comparison with the panorama you per-
ceive. Pitch them on your ideas at their level of facts, data, dollars-and-cents,
logic, practicality and pay-off, and you may succeed.

You have an enormous impact on other people. You know it, and you enjoy
the effect you have on others' lives. You have the ability to enlist the support
of less creative types because you are such an outgoing, effective, and in-
sightful "people-person."

You are the consummate communicator. You write well, and—as an extra-
vert—you may find that you talk even better! But, beyond your written and
spoken verbal skills, your greatest triumphs of persuasion may be scored at
the level of non-verbal communication.

You radiate intensity and focused attention. It shows through your effective
use of facial expression, directed gaze, and body language. You are attrac-
tive—magnetic—in the most literal sense. People can feel the conscious and
unconscious energy you exert to "be there" emotionally when you are inter-
acting. It's both seductive and influential.

You'll have to remember, always, to be on guard for misinterpretation by


others of your outgoing interpersonal energy. Empathy, sensuality, and
sexuality use similar cues, and since 95% of the population has a different
personality style than yours, you need to recognize that other well-meaning
people can become confused by your earnest style of interaction.

When you turn your combination of intuition and feeling to the negative side
of observation: being hypersensitive, hypercritical, and hyper-alert in look-
ing for problems, threats, and conflicts, you may imagine slights, insults and
injuries, and you can get yourself into a lot of trouble.

Especially if you are already predisposed to see a problem with another per-
son, you may tend to perceive only what you already believe and disbelieve
contradictory information. It's hard for your established belief systems to be
shaken, because you accept as certainty so many unverifiable sources of in-
formation (the same trait that underlies your creative genius!).

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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From time to time, your perceptions—your account of what happened,
when, and where—may be quite accurate, but the conclusions you draw may
be off-base. Then, ironically, when you most need that perceptive openness
to help you amend and revise your vision in the direction of objective real-
ity, it may abandon you! You may find yourself to be prone to a unique sort
of brooding suspiciousness when it comes to deeply held beliefs about peo-
ple (the good-evil reality, again).

If this is a problem for you, write a note to yourself and put it in a desk
drawer for future reference:

"When it comes to issues in which I have a large emotional investment, I


tend to emphasize the data that confirm my prejudices and discredit informa-
tion opposing my concepts. That pattern can blind me to the faults of friends
and of friends' pet ideas, as much as to the good side and good work of those
I see as enemies."

You may have already dealt effectively with this snag in your life, or it may
not have been a particular difficulty for you, but many with your personality
often find themselves on the horns of a chronic sensing-thinking deficit.
There's certainly no shame in it. It's merely the back-side of that intuitive-
feeling strength that makes you so insightful and effective under different
circumstances.

Conformity isn't your long suit. Neither is obedience. And it's pretty hard to
awe you with sterile rank and titles. You're your own person. You're an op-
timistic, independent soul, and you believe in yourself when no one else
does.

You're used to having your unusual perspective of reality ignored, criticized


or misunderstood by the bulk of humanity, so you probably have learned to
stay away from the bulk of humanity. The bulk of humanity rains on the pa-
rades of folks like yourself, and you can do without their wet blankets.

It's understandable for people like you to surround themselves with like
minds and to learn to ignore criticism. If you listened to everything people
said, you'd never get any of your great ideas off the drawing board. The trick
is to balance that necessary independence with a reality-testing mechanism.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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As a general rule, you may find it helpful to keep around some folks who
complement your personality: some judging, thinking, sensing aides to give
you the benefit of another viewpoint from time to time.

In a loving relationship, your personality is sensitive, outgoing, sympathetic,


and creative, but you may be a bit unpredictable, both as a mate and as a
parent. Mood swings are a natural companion of your creativity, and they
will affect your intimate life now and then—maybe all the time.

Harmony matters to you in your home, and it causes you concern when you
are at the root of conflict. You will be wise to deal openly with your loved
ones about your temperamental nature. Together, you may be able to devise
some effective and creative tactics to advise those around you about your
changing emotional state.

How about a half-comic barometer with a movable indicator needle you set
when you arrive home? Consider a range from: "I've had an awful day and I
need a hour of peace and quiet," to "All's quiet on the western front. I'm lov-
able." Learn to ask for what you need emotionally from other family mem-
bers to help you navigate through your ups and downs with as smooth sail-
ing as possible.

You aren't terribly conscious of economy, thrift, and conservative financial


planning—except occasionally, when you initiate one of your campaigns.
Then you may get very frugal for a while. Next, you may turn around and
buy something extravagant—usually something you conceive of as a gift for
your mate or children.

Life with you can be a roller-coaster at times, especially if your mate is try-
ing to exercise some kind of unwanted control over your behavior. Then,
look out! You really like feeling in charge of yourself, your life, and your
home. It's not that you really want to dominate others, but you seek self-
determination aggressively. Anyone who expects to control you better be a
diplomat or make it a practice to wear kid gloves.

The Extraverted Intuitive in the World of Work

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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In the world of work you'll find that your extraversion will arm you well to
deal with both variety and action.

All other things being equal, you'll tend to work faster than your introverted
co-workers. Depending on the job circumstances, that's a mixed blessing. In
tasks that require quick decisions and quick action, you're supreme, but you
must constantly be on guard not to act too quickly, particularly without
thinking things through completely before you move.

If the nature of the work itself is slow, or if it involves long-term projects,


you may need to devise a few tricks to ward off boredom; otherwise, your
efficiency may suffer.

You are interested in the results of your job, in getting it finished, and in
comparing how other people tackle the same chore. While few people enjoy
being a "small cog in the great wheel," passively performing some minor
function that is swallowed up by a large complex operation, your personality
type is especially distressed by losing touch with the over-all impact of your
work.

Your outgoing personality prefers working with human companionship, so


you may wish to think long and hard before accepting a job or work assign-
ment which forces you to work in isolation.

Communication comes more easily to you than to your introverted associ-


ates. You're comfortable with words, and you communicate well. You may
wish to consider ways to capitalize on this asset to further your career.

You are an intuitive person, always scanning the horizon for the possibilities
in any situation, rather than keeping your eyes on the road ahead. This char-
acteristic arms you well to be a discoverer, a visionary. Your interest is in
new ideas, new theories, and you muster a great deal of patience and energy
when it comes to tackling new problems in life.

But, watch out when life forces you to work at a job that makes no demand
on your intuition! Worse yet is one which forces you to make use of your
relatively undeveloped sensing side—making observations, keeping track of
facts and figures! You'll do better to target yourself toward work that in-
volves the big picture, not details, on bold concepts, not precise facts.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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You'll be wise always to surround yourself with a couple of practical sorts:
people who look at things with their sensory capacity. While you may find
this difficult—since intuitive people usually prefer the company of other
like-minded souls—you will probably find their counsel valuable.

An intuitive person with a sensory-type sidekick may achieve more than the
intuitive alone, since facts and details will not be overlooked along the way.

Intuitive workers, such as yourself, are in their glory when the work is chal-
lenging and novel. When you're inspired, you fire up your furnaces and work
with a level of energy and exuberance that staggers the imagination of your
sensing-type co-workers. A new task at hand? A new technique or skill to
master? No problem for you. You will find the time to tackle the most diffi-
cult problem and unravel the most complicated situation.

Then things settle down. You stifle a yawn, while your frazzled co-workers
sigh with relief. While you yearn for the next crisis, they make no effort to
disguise their earnest hope that routine (blessed routine) is re- established as
soon as possible.

Then, one morning, sure as death, you wake up, staring blankly at the ceil-
ing, and you know you've been stricken, once again, by the insidious dark
side of the intuitive enthusiasm: boredom.

You try to fight it, and you deny it to your friends and enemies alike, but the
fact is: you know you don't want to go to work. Your energy's gone, your
spirit's flat, and, once again, you realize you've fallen into one of your slack
periods.

That's part of your style, and you may as well accept it without embarrass-
ment. You run hot and cold, up and down, just as a matter of personality. If
you accept it, acknowledge it, with the same pride you hang on your prob-
lem-solving, high-energy characteristics, you may learn to temper those
down-swings and pull out of them with a bit more style, grace, and profes-
sionalism.

And if you can't modify your behavior, once you understand it as the natural
"flip-side" of the part of you you love best, then maybe you can find an em-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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ployer who understands your cyclic nature, and enough stable, well-
grounded co-workers to cover those other segments of your personality that
haunt you in the work place.

You know the parts I mean: your tendency to hop from humch to hunch,
your habit of not paying enough attention to precision, or your inclination to
worry too little about completing projects or checking your work to be free
from errors of fact.

If and when you find that job, or that employer, or those co-workers, you'll
be valued for the glittering bundle of intuition you provide as a spark to the
humdrum of everyday work life. Otherwise, you may be regarded as a
flighty nuisance: a judgment which shouldn't get you depressed, now that
you know its origin.

You know, just because you're enlightened enough to appreciate both the
"bright" and "dark " sides of your personality, that doesn't necessarily mean
that the rest of the world will share your open acceptance. There will be
times when you will have to face rejection, even open hostility, in order to
remain your own best friend.

The perceptive in you likes diversity in work, has no trouble shifting gears
from one assignment to another, one technique to the next, just so long as
the work doesn't require a lot of decision-making.

Your perceptive side is open: patient to changing situations, patient when a


task requires repeated revisions. On the other hand, your perceptive side has
a tendency to start too many changes without being asked, revising when it
isn't necessary. Many of these self-started activities may wind up in a desk
drawer, first postponed, then forgotten. Much of what you start may never
reach completion.

Your perceptive quality ensures that you have the ability to be curious, open,
willing to hear all sides of an issue before deciding on a course of action. Of
course, you may find that you tend to keep topics open excessively long;
coming to a decision is almost painful to you. You're a master of the delicate
art of postponement.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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As a perceptive, you may lack patience with judging sorts when they jump to
conclusions, point an accusing finger at your indecisive nature (which you
generally deny or explain away!), and suggest that you're basically gullible
to everyone's inputs, long after an issue should have been closed and settled.

Try to calm down when you hear those comments; try to weed out the judg-
mental indignation and see if your occasional critics might not have some-
thing worth considering. After all, you know that there are both positive and
negative aspects correlated with every personality feature, and you are no
exception. Let that perceptive openness lead you to personal revision when
it's in your own best interests.

You value sentiment over logic, in the work place, as in all other aspects of
your life.

You are very sensitive to other people's feelings and needs. You praise oth-
ers' accomplishments, lend a sympathetic ear to their problems, and you try
to avoid being the bearer of bad news or criticism.

Your feeling side can make it difficult to be a supervisor. You care too much
about being well liked and respected to be objective and impersonal in ap-
praising others' performance on the job. Reprimanding an employee you like
is painful, and the prospect of firing someone, without respect for the per-
sonal consequences to the employee's family, would be extremely difficult
for you.

Even in situations which threaten your sentimental nature less directly, you
may often have to battle your tendency to be tactful when the unvarnished
truth is needed. Your need for acceptance may nudge you into acquiescence
when your independent judgment is called for. In an effort to get along with
others, you may let your decisions be swayed by the group spirit, or by per-
sonal considerations which might better be ignored in the interests of impar-
tiality.

You are so keenly aware of others' feelings that the ordinary politics of most
business endeavors causes you anguish and concern. Your working ability—
attitude as well as efficiency—can be crippled by an obvious office feud.
You need harmony to work happily and well.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


20
********

Your skill in handling people—coupled with your extraversion, perception


and intuition—is a magic package of personality when applied in a number
of skilled professions.

In teaching, all writing fields and the creative arts, those of your personality
type succeed. In counseling, they achieve their highest marks, partly because
the work satisfies them so totally. They are in their element.

Any work which allows your communication skills to be exercised will be a


good choice for you, especially if your intuition is given free reign. How
about public relations and advertising, political writing, screen or play writ-
ing?

Your empathetic tendencies will be well applied in character acting, and—


whether your official career is that of an actor—there'll be more than a touch
of the actor in all you undertake.

That's why people with your personality are often award-winning sales peo-
ple!

Look out if life corners you into some bureaucratic institution. You'll be in-
terested in people, people-policy-making, institution-fighting, and you'll tend
to ignore rules, procedures, chains of command and such-like. You aren't
likely to survive very long or very happily.

Chances are decent you'll blow yourself right out of a job by getting into a
fight about human factors or protection of the underdog! Your meteoric ca-
reer in a big organization may leave behind you a vapor trail of humanitarian
changes you brought about at the cost of your own employment, and it may
leave you personally scarred and disillusioned.

Life needs people like you. Institutions need people like you, even if they
won't tolerate your presence very long. It's all right to take a whack at a big
organization and come away a bit bruised. The institution may be licking its
wounds, too.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


21
In the long run, you'll be wise to opt for a career which offers you control
over your work, or for one which puts you in the companionship of other
creative, like-minded souls who also detest structure for its own sake and
admire ideas for their intrinsic worth.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


22
NF Managerial Profile
As an intuitive-feeling leader, you are first, last and in-between a people-
person. You are client-centered, end-user centered, and it is important to you
that you interpret your work mission as serving some basic human need.

You focus on the possibilities of the people and organizations in your realm
of personal influence. You encourage your associates and subordinates to
strive for their highest levels of personal achievement. Self-actualization is a
goal you recognize both for yourself and others.

As a leader, your style is best characterized as catalytic, and you are never
surprised to find yourself slipping into the role of a charismatic guru for
your associates and subordinates.

You make an effort to represent yourself, your colleagues and your organi-
zation effectively, and you may often find yourself at the forefront, serving
as the group leader or spokesperson. Extraverted EMPATHISTs, in particu-
lar, function well in such a high-visibility position.

You have the potential to excel in public relations, and your personal
warmth and enthusiasm are natural "selling" techniques for any service or
product.

Your exceptional communication skills will stand out in any management


position. Of all the temperaments, EMPATHISTs seem to be the best crea-
tive writers, and they often have excellent skills in public speaking or drama.

You use reinforcement as a powerful tool in dealing with others. You com-
municate enthusiasm and support as a routine matter in your everyday work-
ing interactions. You are such a conscientious appreciator and admirer be-
cause you need the same thing back from others: superiors and subordinates
alike.

If you work with thinking types, there's no need to tell you that—even at
their peak effort to reinforce your accomplishments—they often miss the
mark.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


23
They may acknowledge your achievements, your intuition, and your skill,
but they don't really know how to acknowledge you as an individual, and
that's what pushes your buttons!

Being dealt with personally is essential for you. Lack of appreciation for
your unique qualities is discouraging to you, and criticism is difficult for you
to take at anything other than a personal level.

You will always need to be on guard for one of the most destructive snares
for intuitive-feeling managers: feeling unappreciated, undervalued, and
taken for granted. That's how folks like you often "burn out"!

You will need to strive to understand that thinking-type people (of all the
other temperament types) simply do not share your intense value system.

To the extent that you can, you'll be smart to develop your skills at self-
reinforcement and try to seek out support systems from outside sources
(mates and friends), when the appreciation you need isn't forthcoming from
your superiors and colleagues at work.

As a general rule, judging-type EMPATHISTs seem to survive more happily


and productively in a bureaucratic structure than their perceptive-type coun-
terparts. The judging characteristic imparts a bit more acceptance of struc-
ture and hierarchy than other EMPATHISTs can muster.

But even those folks are happiest in small, creative organizations, where in-
dividual needs and aspirations receive continuing attention. In a large im-
personal outfit, sensitive people like yourself may experience continual dis-
tress.

Alas, the ideal may not be a realistic objective for you right now, so let's
look at some of the typical problems which confront the EMPATHIST mid-
level manager in a typical, large, impersonal organization.

First, the personal approach of the EMPATHIST often translates into play-
ing favorites in the business environment: a characteristic which critics,
above or below on the hierarchy, may interpret as unprofessional partiality
and irrational management.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


24
Especially if you're a perceptive EMPATHIST (whose favorites may shift up
and down and back and forth, from time to time, as your moods and emo-
tional preferences change), your detractors will be quick to label you as
fickle, unstable, unpredictable and lacking in fidelity. (Needless to say, you
can't survive many appraisals of that sort on your performance reviews if
you hope to be a rising star in your organization or career field!)

At heart, you're a giver. For those in your favor, you are the definition of
sympathy, self-sacrifice and generosity— so much so that you may com-
promise the business relationship for the sake of friendship.

Understandably, it's difficult for EMPATHISTs to relate to others merely as


roles, job descriptions, or names in boxes on organizational flow charts. To
you, people are people, and you tend to relate to others at a personal level.

But, in a bureaucratic organization, that tendency can lead to managerial


problems, whether you're dealing "up" or "down" the chain of command.

For example, when you like your boss and your work assignment, you may
see the tasks you perform as a personal service or a favor. Dawns the day
you're assigned a task you don't want to do, or comes the time when you and
your superior have a serious disagreement, you may find it virtually impos-
sible just to follow orders and get the job done.

In the other direction on the hierarchy—when you are wearing the manage-
ment hat—you may find it distressing to deal with insubordination as any-
thing but a personal affront, insult or rejection.

In the kind of bureaucratic battles that plague most large organizations from
time to time, the EMPATHIST's reflexive inclination is to support the un-
derdog: another tendency which can lead to problems for you as a manager.

First of all, your time and energy may be eroded by your kindness, generos-
ity, and compassion. You may find yourself spending large chunks of your
working day counseling dissident workers in your office or letting employ-
ees cry on your shoulder in the hall.

Then, your idealism may fire you up to go explain or represent minority


concerns to the higher-ups, thereby identifying yourself with the institution's

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


25
critics and opposing the vested interests of owners, directors, and manage-
ment.

No matter how noble or just the cause, you may draw fire from the organiza-
tion for such misplaced idealism. Long- lasting credibility problems with su-
periors may emerge from such well-intentioned confrontations, and their
negative reactions are doubly painful to you, since, as an EMPATHIST, you
take it all personally.

A final ironic outcome of these battles often occurs: by sympathizing with


the insurrection's leaders, you may unwittingly encourage and enlarge the
uprising, with the end result of getting people disciplined or dismissed.

This is a typical EMPATHIST tragedy in a bureaucratic organization.

Here's a more common one.

As an EMPATHIST, it's hard to deal with being ignored, disagreed with, or


disliked without taking it personally. And as an EMPATHIST who trusts in-
tuition and feeling so totally, you may read personal rejection into interac-
tions when it simply isn't there.

If your superior lacks your sense of tact and sensitivity, you may hear con-
structive suggestions as attacks, and low- key criticism as hostility.

By the same token, if your subordinates don't think you're wonderful, you
may get your feelings hurt. Effective management sometimes demands tak-
ing unpopular positions.

Especially if you're working in a typical professional environment, with the


majority of managers belonging to the various (insensitive) thinking-types,
you may slip into a particularly hazardous form of EMPATHIST self-
defense and hypersensitivity, involving: villainizing management, telling
tales out of meetings, campaigning for sympathy and support, and criticizing
others at a personal level.

Extraverted empathists seem especially prone to slipping into such behavior


patterns—ones that are not taken lightly or positively by most organizations.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


26
In meetings, you favor democratic decision-making, and you are comfort-
able with brainstorming or otherwise unstructured discussions. Especially if
you're a perceptive-type EMPATHIST, you may feel suffocated in meetings
with a firm agenda, especially if an authoritarian leadership style prevails.

It seems natural to the EMPATHIST to include some personal remarks in


meetings: introductions and small talk to warm up the participants. As useful
as these efforts may be to the spirit of the meeting and the cohesiveness of
the group, you may sometimes draw criticism or dirty looks for getting the
discussion off on what thinking-types see as "unrelated issues."

When your natural abilities as a group facilitator are supported, the EMPA-
THIST is great at monitoring participation, encouraging involvement of all
group members, supporting the expression of differences of opinion while
down-playing conflict, and protecting vulnerable members from exclusion or
hostility.

Extraverted and judging-type EMPATHISTs may become excellent group


leaders. Their outgoing nature, natural verbal ability, instinctive comfort
with agendas and productive structure, together with their interpersonal skill
and sensitivity, help them create person-centered groups that accomplish
their intended goals.

In committees, meetings, task forces or other teamwork ventures, EMPA-


THISTs are better able than other personality types to understand unstated
sentiments, nuances of feelings, hidden fears and concerns, and then forecast
the human consequences of new schedules, ideas, programs and policies.

As an EMPATHIST, you are sensitive to the importance of the personal


element in all aspects of the working environment. Esprit de corps, enthusi-
asm, sensitivity and cooperation are important factors which you promote
and encourage. You recognize the importance of side-stepping conflict, and
you communicate the belief that work can, indeed, be a pleasure if human
needs receive conscientious attention.

EMPATHISTs typically feel a strong need to have an input into any decision
that will affect any aspect of their life and work, and any organization that
employs you had better remember to ask your opinion before initiating any
rules, regulations or procedures which will require your cooperation.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


27
You're an influential person, and you have the ability to facilitate changes or
sabotage them!

You tend to be sociable and well-liked by those who work for and with
you—closely attuned to people's feelings in the day-to-day interactions
within a hierarchy.

You have a tendency to foster close interpersonal relationships with your


staff—a boon to knowing their likes and dislikes, ups and downs, but often a
disadvantage when their private lives periodically interfere with your ability
to function professionally and dispassionately.

Any work that is boring or hum-drum, and any job that curtails your auton-
omy, will quickly do you in.

When you're dealing in your favorite world of the possible, tackling a new
project, creating a new plan, working on a idea, you're the image of energy
and focused concentration. But, when the inevitable routine sets in, or when
the only problems remaining are what seems to be an endless progression of
small, tedious jobs, you may begin to feel bored, claustrophobic, imposed
upon and irritable.

If you can, you may pass the remaining tasks on to someone else. Otherwise,
you'll half-heartedly continue, yawn your way through a slack period of ab-
breviated work days and occasional sick-outs, and—as soon as possible—
take off on a new idea—or a new cause—or a new romance.

As a manager, that tendency can lead to real problems: jobs that stay half-
finished for longer than you'd like to acknowledge; creative fabrications ex-
plaining how correspondence you didn't answer somehow disappeared in the
mail; phone calls you don't want to return, and don't; small problems that
turn into big ones because of neglectful planning, inattentive supervision,
and lackadaisical trouble-shooting.

Perceptive-type EMPATHIST managers often experience these problems in


spades!

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


28
To be sure, the picture we've just painted is an extreme composite of the in-
tuitive-feeler's darker side. Judging EMPATHISTs rarely become so totally
afflicted by the EMPATHIST manager's NF ("never-finished") syndrome.
Even perceptive EMPATHIST's may show only one or two of these symp-
toms. And, in either case, introverted EMPATHISTs are usually steadier
workers.

Nonetheless, EMPATHIST managers do have some problems, and can bene-


fit from a careful analysis of their management style.

In a nutshell, EMPATHISTs, like all other personality temperaments, look


for their own characteristics in their subordinates. In turn, EMPATHIST
managers reflexively give their employees the kind of treatment EMPA-
THISTs crave themselves. And, therein lie most of the EMPATHIST man-
ager's problems!

EMPATHISTs universally pride themselves on their warmth and interper-


sonal sensitivity: their reflexive insight into human relations. They like other
supportive, appreciative folks around themselves, and they tend to devalue
employees who strike them as cold or uncaring.

Frankly, EMPATHISTs tend to regard all of the other personality types as


rather insensitive. Give an extraverted and judging EMPATHIST an invita-
tion, and he or she may provide a heartfelt analysis of others' callousness,
coldness, or unconscious way of conducting their interpersonal relationships.

As a manager, you may need to monitor this tendency in yourself, if it's ever
been a problem for you.

EMPATHIST managers often hire other EMPATHISTs for positions which


might better be filled by other types: thinking-types for jobs requiring dis-
passionate analysis and insightful theorizing about systems, sensing-types
for jobs demanding patience and careful attention to detail. The EMPA-
THIST manager who places EMPATHIST employees in positions like these
has two problems: the jobs won't be done well, and the employees won't be
happy.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


29
Most EMPATHIST managers love acquiring new knowledge and learning
new skills in the area of aesthetics, psychology, philosophy, sensitivity,
communication, teamwork, interpersonal relations and self-actualization.

Assuming that everyone shares this EMPATHIST characteristic, the EM-


PATHIST manager may battle with the organization to reward favored em-
ployees with personal growth training experiences.

For EMPATHIST employees, that's great! They'll love it, and they'll return
to their tasks with renewed energy and identity with the company and their
fellow workers. They may talk about transforming experiences, eye-opening
insights, and unconditional love for their fellow man.

But what about the other types?

Unless some kind of theory development or technical skill acquisition are


involved, many (NT)ANALYSTs will not be enthused by an "opportunity"
to attend a "touchy-feely" seminar or group process. Expect a higher-than-
normal level of "illness" or other absenteeism among your ANALYST em-
ployees on the day or days the training is to occur.

Don't misunderstand. Arranging effective human factors training for most


intuitive-thinkers is extremely important. But the training program should
make use of the fact that ANALYSTs prefer to learn by reading, watching
films, and listening to lectures.

Any training exercise which obliges them to learn by potentially emotional


interactions forces them to deal with one of their weakest psychological
functions: feeling. The effect may be to leave them feeling vulnerable, ex-
posed and embarrassed when they return to the work environment.

Sensing-types, especially the thinking varieties, will be hard to convince that


the training has anything to offer them.

For most (SP)REALISTs, training or schooling of any kind is fundamentally


boring, unless some kind of hands-on, practical skill development is in-
volved. And most (SJ)LEGALISTs may regard unnecessary training of any
sort as a nuisance: a frivolous interruption of the comfortable rhythm of
work—unsettling, not stimulating.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


30
EMPATHIST managers are born innovators. Moreover, they have a hard
time understanding how anyone can tolerate a repetitious job. To see some-
one do the same job, the same way, year in and year out, drives an EMPA-
THIST manager around the bend!

EMPATHISTs do not seem to realize that sensing types actually enjoy the
predictability of a familiar task and derive peace and comfort from perfect-
ing their skills through practice and repetition. Not surprisingly, then, sens-
ing-type employees may not respond with great warmth to an EMPATHIST
manager's continual "improvements" of their procedures, schedules, assign-
ments and such.

This is only one of the many ways in which the EMPATHIST manager dis-
plays the darker stripes of the intuitive: intolerant and unappreciative of the
preferences of sensing employees. In one form or another, this particular
blind spot may be the EMPATHIST manager's most serious problem in most
work situations.

Unless the EMPATHIST manager can learn to recognize sensing-type peo-


ple, value them as they are, and match them to sensing-type jobs, work op-
erations requiring steadiness, reliability, craftsmanship and precision may
suffer—along with the manager's reputation and the productivity of his or
her operation.

EMPATHIST managers are self-starters who dislike intensely being told


how and when to do anything. They want to set their own schedules and do
things their own way, figuring everything out as they go along. They may
feel insulted and become impatient if given what they regard as too many
rules and too much guidance and direction.

If you're like most EMPATHISTs, especially perceptive-type-ones, authori-


tarian power structures tend to threaten your potent need for self-
determination. Even the intimation of structure may be a bit unnerving to
your individualism.

Consequently, EMPATHIST managers are most comfortable with their own


behavior when they give their employees free reign. This "no rules-no regs"
life is, in fact, a real gift to like-minded intuitives, but, again, the EMPA-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


31
THIST manager's natural inclination fails to meet the needs of most sensing-
type workers.

(SJ)LEGALISTs, particularly, may feel uncomfortable with an absence of


guidelines, timetables and rules—both for themselves and for others. And—
more often than not—any judging-type employee, especially an
(SJ)LEGALIST, will regard the EMPATHIST's laissez-faire management
attitude to be a sign of disorganization, lack of drive, soft-headed weakness,
irresponsibility and incompetence.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


32
Key Concepts for You as a Manager:
creative expression

appreciation and support

autonomy and individuality

self-actualization of yourself and others

purpose and meaning to work

human interaction and human impact

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


33
Managing Your iNtuitive-Feeling
(NF)Empathist Employee
The intuitive-feeling employee needs to be appreciated as a unique member
of the work team: a flesh-and-blood, sensitive person whose contribution
and cooperation are valued at an intensely personal level. It follows that this
type is most easily frustrated and irritated by being treated merely as a Social
Security number, a job description, or a nameless, faceless member of a par-
ticular department or task force.

Consequently, any wise manager makes it a point to know the familiar


names of (NF)EMPATHIST employees—their spouses' and children's too, if
possible and practical. That's the kind of name-dropping that really im-
presses the EMPATHIST!

Intuitive-feeling types express themselves emotionally by their clothing.


Even when constrained by a modest budget, EMPATHISTs like to dress in
their own unique style, often showing a flair for unusual colors, patterns, or
color combinations.

In certain tradition-oriented work situations, the EMPATHIST's sometimes-


avant-garde garb may arouse comment and concern. If changes must be sug-
gested, please remember to wear kid gloves!

Make it a point to compliment outfits which come closest to the needs of the
work place or the task. EMPATHISTs are sensitive to such differential
praise, and, given a few well-placed hints, you'll probably find that the subtle
message hits its mark!

In all situations, bear in mind that intuitive-feeling types love praise and ap-
proval. They'll work to earn your favor. An intelligent manager makes use of
this characteristic and always minimizes overt criticism of the EMPATHIST
employee. Even when the critical comments are prefaced by the request that
the employee not "take it personally," understand that the EMPATHIST will,
anyway!

The EMPATHIST employee is most likely to annoy others at work by a par-


ticularly personal kind of fickleness: deciding work-related issues on an

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


34
emotional basis—when they might be dealt with more effectively and ac-
ceptably at a logical level—and then changing sides or positions with what
others may interpret to be whim, the wind or the weather!

Values and feelings rule the EMPATHIST's judgment. Make a note.

The breadth and depth of an EMPATHIST's feelings are awesome to other


types. Accept the fact that the EMPATHIST's personal self and work self are
one. For better or worse, this type reflexively relates to people personally,
evaluates a myriad of aspects of others, and draws a complex assessment
which encompasses the concepts bad, devious, dishonest and untrustworthy.

Don't expect those negative feelings to be set aside for the sake of work. It
won't happen. Assign EMPATHIST employees to work with those they like,
whenever practical. Harmony at work leads to productivity, whenever EM-
PATHISTs are concerned.

The EMPATHIST's personal radar can be used to good advantage by a sen-


sitive manager. Ask your EMPATHIST how the working situation might be
improved to increase the general level of happiness and satisfaction. The
EMPATHIST probably will have a suggestion.

Consult with your EMPATHIST employees when you want to improve


communication or develop consumer- or client-centered policies or products.
Those problems are natural tasks for the intuitive-feeling type.

Ask the EMPATHIST to help you out when you need to understand the ba-
sis of office discontent, alliances and feuds. The EMPATHIST knows!

But, keep reminding yourself that the EMPATHIST's opinions are not nec-
essarily logical or objective, and that the cast of characters in the office may
appear to be dressed in a rainbow of colors, rather than in black and white,
when seen through the EMPATHIST's eyes!

As much as the intuitive-feeling types may value harmony, nonetheless, they


often are found at the root of conflict in the work-place.

Championing today's underdog, siding against today's meanie, fighting for


the needs and concerns of others and themselves, those anti-authoritarian

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


35
EMPATHISTs are persuasive folks—often discontent and unintentionally
divisive. Without sensitive management, influential EMPATHISTs—
especially the extraverts—may place themselves at the forefront of every
employee rebellion.

When a management change is considered—and the change will affect EM-


PATHISTs at any level of the hierarchy—a wise manager involves these key
employees from the earliest stage of the planning.

The old management dictum of "make no fast or unnecessary changes!" ap-


plies doubly when dealing with intuitive-feeling types. Unless your EMPA-
THISTs feel a part of the decision-making, they may perceive changes as
done to them, rather than for or concerning them.

In all matters, EMPATHISTs have a strong need to feel autonomous. At the


very least, intuitive-feeling types must see themselves as active participants
in the architecture of their lives and work. They bridle at authority and
heavy-handed guidance. Management by sensitive and conscientious leader-
ship, not fiat, is the order of the day when EMPATHISTs are involved.

What about the interpersonal chemistry? If an EMPATHIST is obliged to


deal with any sensing-type, you may hear some criticism that the sensor has
absolutely no imagination or insight! In dealing with sensing-thinking sorts,
especially, the EMPATHIST may be totally baffled.

Both thinking (SP)REALISTs and (SJ)LEGALISTs may accuse EMPA-


THISTs of having no sense of humor, since the sensors' concept of a joke
may take the form of ridicule or biting, personal sarcasm.

Thinking-type (SP)REALISTs may appear to most EMPATHISTs as impul-


sive and cavalier with change, insensitive to the personal consequences of
work decisions, and basically selfish.

Thinking-type (SJ)LEGALISTs will strike many EMPATHISTs as obses-


sive-compulsive, rigid, rule-oriented, tradition-bound: organization people at
heart. Needless to say, coming from an EMPATHIST, that's not a compli-
ment!

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


36
In moments of hurt feelings, confusion and misunderstanding, a wounded
EMPATHIST may characterize the thinking-type (SJ)LEGALIST as nearly
heartless and clearly lacking a sense of fun or personal warmth—
"approximately dead", as one extraverted, perceptive EMPATHIST de-
scribed her introverted and thinking (SJ)LEGALIST boss.

The word boss encourages another comment. The thinking-type


(SJ)LEGALIST's natural tendency to parent, advise, criticize and direct will
not find a happy reception with the sensitive, autonomy-seeking EMPA-
THIST!

All these comments aside, every EMPATHIST needs a sensor, whether as a


boss, a subordinate or a colleague with a coordinated job assignment.

In fact, if both parties can be educated to understand the sources of their in-
evitable interpersonal conflict, and if both are willing to work on the rela-
tionship, the alliance of an EMPATHIST and an thinking-type
(SJ)LEGALIST is difficult to beat for effective and sensitive management.

But the relationship will require work and commitment on both sides, and
the alliance may benefit by engaging a third party, trusted by both, to act as a
consultant and mediator, from time to time.

Both EMPATHISTs and (NT)ANALYSTs regard creativity as their personal


hallmark. Especially if both are extraverted and perceptive, these types may
resemble each other superficially by showing a similarly intuitive and
enthusiastic spirit, by bucking the system, and by living in a world of ideas.

Then, too, the fact that intuitives are so dramatically outnumbered by sensors
in the overall population prepares them to recognize their like features and
greet each other as long-lost kin.

In a sense, this resemblance is unfortunate, for the facade of similarity be-


tween (NT)ANALYSTs and perceptive EMPATHISTs is an illusion. In a
close working situation, that veneer quickly is eroded by the reality of their
different interactional styles.

The EMPATHIST often will be hurt and confused by the (NT) ANALYST
counterpart's lack of personal sensitivity and warmth—or by an inconsis-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


37
tency in both. (The (NT) ANALYST may well be oblivious to the EMPA-
THIST's concern, until an emotional confrontation occurs!)

The ANALYST's fundamental preoccupation with ideas, processes, theoreti-


cal systems and abstract concepts unrelated to people confuses the EMPA-
THIST, who comes to face the unpleasant fact that the ANALYST may ac-
tually be like one of them (other thinker-types).

The problem goes both ways, of course.

The (NT)ANALYST may pass over the first signs that the EMPATHIST is
different. But, eventually, the thinker may unabashedly accuse the feeler of
logical lapses or not thinking clearly. In time, the (NT)ANALYST may ex-
press discomfort in collaborating with the EMPATHIST and may question
the feeler's intelligence.

Dispelling the effects of dashed expectations in interpersonal relationships at


work often is difficult, awkward and uncomfortable. Insight-oriented man-
agement programs may be very helpful in ameliorating such problems, as
may a session or two of private counseling.

But, bear in mind as a manager that a feeling of mutual betrayal may remain.
Even after both types have come to recognize the nature of their different
stripes, the history of conflict and rejection may poison the interaction.

So, how do you put the natural personality of an EMPATHIST to work?

First, remember that EMPATHISTs focus on the possibilities, the broad-


brush reality of any situation. Perceptive-type EMPATHISTs, in particular,
do not do well in any job which requires them to pay precise attention to
facts, figures, and details.

Placed in such a position, the typical EMPATHIST will "escape" by exces-


sive socializing. Extraverted EMPATHISTs may manufacture excuses for
meetings, work-related conversation and telephoning, and even personal
chatter and gossip, as a panacea for boring work.

EMPATHISTs start projects well, but finish them poorly. This is particularly
true of perceptive-types.

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38
Let your EMPATHISTs plan, conceptualize, create, and design. Let them
organize others to get the job done, but don't expect these folks to follow up
on the hum-drum routine and fine-tuning that may stretch on for weeks or
months in a big project. Give key EMPATHISTs a sensing-type assistant or
colleague.

If a job requires predictability, punctuality and a steady pace of progress,


don't assign it to an EMPATHIST (or to an NT, for that matter)! That intui-
tive energy can't be metered or regulated. It bursts and surges and gushes.
Then it trickles, flickers and fades.

Don't worry: it'll return as soon as the system's recharged, refilled and re-
stored. And that process can be speeded along by a manager who under-
stands that intuitives run hot and cold, just as matter of style.

When you recognize burn-out in your EMPATHIST employee, you may


suggest that a Friday or Monday vacation day be taken. Let the employee
know you understand that the intuitive cycle requires R

R. And, if a three-day weekend can't be scheduled, shift your fizzled intui-


tive onto a new project and watch that energy return!

Let your EMPATHIST employees' natural orientation toward people-


problems and human concerns find expression. Let EMPATHISTs partici-
pate in personnel policy-making and hiring decisions.

Let EMPATHISTs perform informal counseling and advisement functions to


and for management. Let them be conduits of employee sentiments, attitudes
and opinions.

By all means, utilize the EMPATHIST's flair for writing, speech, drama and
communication in the employee newsletter or house publication. Assign
EMPATHISTs to initiate employee parties and gatherings.

Let EMPATHISTs express their aesthetic sensibilities when designing or re-


decorating work, eating or recreation spaces in the office environment. Feel-
ing-type REALISTs and LEGALISTs may also lend a helping hand, with
good results.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


39
Listen to your EMPATHISTs' counsel in designing new marketing or adver-
tising campaigns. Trust their assessments of the tastes and wishes of the con-
sumers or clients.

Assign at least one EMPATHIST to every committee to foster harmony and


to ensure attention to each group member's inputs and ideas. EMPATHISTs
make excellent committee participants, since cooperation is their natural
tendency.

Given a relatively unstructured, or democratically structured, committee,


EMPATHISTs excel at brain-storming or otherwise sharing ideas. But,
please, make sure you allow time and flexibility for EMPATHISTs to stray
off the subject and onto unrelated personal matters. That's inevitable, when
EMPATHISTs are around!

Don't demand logical, linear thinking from EMPATHISTs. Accept the fact
that a graphic depiction of an EMPATHIST's decision tree resembles a
bushy shrub, blooming with people-concerns, and that the EMPATHIST's
thought process may hop from branch to branch in ways which baffle most
thinker-types. Even the most organized judging EMPATHISTs live in a
world nearly beyond the imagination of all the other types.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


40
Loving Profile Introduction

Congratulations for using your head in affairs of the heart, and for getting a
little analytical about those all-important parts of life that many abandon to
chance and pure emotion: affection and close relationships: CONNEC-
TIONS!

Times come and go. Wars erupt and fizzle. Nations rise and fall. But man's
essential and undeniable biology decrees that the most important questions
of life have to do with mating. They always have. They always will.

As a culture, we expect more from love than ever before. Ironically, we also
expect less.

In former generations, mating was a once-and-for-all matter determined ei-


ther by family expectations and arrangements, or by some adolescent in-
fatuation that could be consummated only after a trip to the altar. We ex-
pected relatively little from marriage: constancy and mutual support and
rearing children.

"Till death us do part" remained the operative phrase.

Not so today. Now, we demand that love keep us happy, fill our needs for
sexual excitement and satisfaction, creature comfort, friendship, fun, intel-
lectual stimulation, security and companionship. Somewhere along the way,
our drive for reproduction still comes into the picture, too.

And, now, when our relationships fail to meet these complex needs, we dis-
solve them and go searching for a new mate. Like the Mad Hatter's tea party
in Alice in Wonderland, we leave our dirty dishes behind us and move to a
fresh table setting. "Clean cups! Move down!"

The stigma of divorce and of marriage-less intimate relationships is largely


gone in our society. We've become what anthropologists dub a "serially po-
lygamous society," multiple mates over a lifetime.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


41
Now we aren't stuck in unsatisfying relationships. We can start over. But the
question arises: are we learning anything from the relationships that don't
work? Are we getting better at the mating game?

That's what CONNECTIONS is all about. CONNECTIONS is a learning


experience about love and mating, a new and different approach to "matters
of the heart"—using your head!

Opposites Attract
Let's start with an obvious cliche: opposites attract. They do. Or, in more
understandable terms: complements attract. People often are drawn to what
they are not.

To some extent, this yearning for one's opposite may stem from a deep-
seated feeling of rejection: that there's obviously something wrong with us,
and, thus, we search for someone "better" or more perfect.

To the extent that thinking-type people have been nagged and criticized for
not being emotionally sensitive or "in touch with their feelings," so thinkers
may be drawn toward feeling-type mates.

To the degree that intuitives feel deficient for lacking a solid sense of real-
ity—a firm here-and-now perspective on the world—then they may be at-
tracted toward sensing types.

If perceptives are impressed—either by experience or by criticism and con-


demnation—with their lack of decision-making ability, they may seek out
judging partners.

And when extraverts come to believe what their critics say: that they are
boisterous, unreflecting, chatty, and superficial, they may decide that they
need an introverted mate.

And, of course, the pressures also apply in reverse on all of these dimen-
sions!

And, of course, the "decision-making" process we've alluded to is almost en-


tirely subconscious!

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


42
The dilemma is this: all too often, after being attracted to a mate who differs
radically from ourselves, we almost instantly undertake a destructive mis-
sion to re-make the partner in our own image.

Keirsey and Bates dubbed this process "the Pygmalion project," and the
analogy with George Bernard Shaw's play is aptly drawn. If we find our-
selves cast in the role of

Dr. Henry Higgins, doggedly nagging our Eliza Doolittle partner, we can bet
that the relationship isn't long for this world—or that it isn't destined to be
very happy!

So, opposites may attract, but the relationship may not be a lasting one
unless both partners continue to appreciate each other for the differences
which drew them together in the first place!

Mate with Your Match


An alternative approach is to search for one's soul-mate: the personality im-
age of ourselves. That tactic is the one favored by most of the match-making
services, and it has a good deal to recommend it.

If Lee's an outdoor person who loves weekend back-packing trips roughing


it in the wild, it's great if Jan enjoys the same adventure.

If Leslie is a quiet type who enjoys classical music and reading every eve-
ning, what could be better than spending time with Bo, whose tastes are
similar?

Intellectuals appreciate the stimulation other thinker-types provide them.


And feeling-types are relieved to find sensitive partners who share their
value system.

But there are hazards, too, in like-attracts-like coupling. Two introverts may
become totally reclusive. Two extraverts may wear each other out. Two in-
tuitives may never attend to the details of life, and so on.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


43
Each partner may ratify his or her own short-comings in the mate, and nei-
ther person may experience the growth that comes with coping effectively
and creatively with individual differences.

It makes no sense to take a hard and fast stand on whether you'll be happiest
paired with your opposite or with your personality twin. You be the judge.

The objective of this profile is to help you become a bit more analytical
about your relationships. Learn to recognize the individual differences which
are important for your mating style. Understand how these differences may
have affected your past relationships and your present ones.

And then use that knowledge to your benefit as you move forward with your
love life!

Hopefully, this learning will help you become a bit more accepting of your-
self and your partners, and a bit more responsible for the happiness of your
life.

Now, we don't suggest that you turn into a balance-sheet lover, jotting down
the assets and liabilities of each potential partner. But we do believe that dif-
ferences in personal style are important in assessing the long-term outcome
of love relationships, so you'd best go into them with your eyes wide open.

With more insight about your loving style, you may be able to trade in your
maladaptive feelings of victimization and persecution for some good-natured
acceptance of the fact that different people behave in predictably different
ways.

With more insight you may see that any loving connection that's based on
the notion that one or both people must sacrifice their individuality to make
the relationship work is no bargain for either party.

"Live and let live!" is the motto of the day, in love as in all interpersonal re-
lationships.

Now let's take a look at your personal CONNECTIONS profile and the pre-
dictable ups and downs of your interactions with other personality types.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


44
NF Loving Profile

Relationships are the central concern for the existence of the intuitive feeling
(EMPATHIST) temperament. Values are what matter in life.

As an EMPATHIST you strive for a special union, a mystical connection, a


knowledge of the other that is so profound that words aren't needed for
communication. The EMPATHIST wants to experience a deep relationship
with one special partner: growing, learning, understanding, maturing, as a
continuous process throughout life.

Coming to know oneself, coming to understand one's needs, one's fears,


one's strengths, one's intuition, one's sensitivity: that is the mission of the
EMPATHIST.

The EMPATHIST spares no time, energy or commitment in relationships.


The EMPATHIST will compromise all other parts of life for the sake of car-
ing, for the sake of satisfying the life-mission.

The EMPATHIST hopes to find a partner to share life's journey. The EM-
PATHIST seeks a fellow pilgrim open enough and flexible enough to en-
counter self and mate without pretense or facade, to embrace the unfolding
process without reservation, to love unconditionally, to accept another to-
tally and to be accepted in return.

The EMPATHIST generally sees this lifetime as an interlude, a preface to


some more cosmic form of existence and being.

Joan of Arc was an EMPATHIST. They thought she was crazy and they
burned her at the stake. EMPATHISTs: take this as a serious harbinger of
the fate that befalls you idealistic souls who search for a flawless relation-
ship, especially with any of the other temperaments!

The EMPATHIST is romance personified. The phrase "falling in love" was


certainly coined to describe this type. Love may come with a glance, a single
word.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


45
The object of an EMPATHIST's affection will be called "dear" and "honey"
and original pet names. "I love you" will punctuate each phone conversation
and note. The EMPATHIST wants to spend every moment with the loved
one—or at least a lot of time. Taking care of the mate is a reflexive activity
for EMPATHISTs, and gift giving is a natural part of any EMPATHIST love
relationship.

The EMPATHIST is usually more interested in romantic possibilities than in


the day-to-day reality of relationships. Thus, when disillusionment strikes,
when the relationship degenerates to hum-drum predictability and staleness,
the EMPATHIST may immediately begin eying the greener grass on the
other side of the fence. Then the honeymoon is usually over for good!

The EMPATHIST can use that characteristic sensitivity to tune in to every


ripple of mood and sentiment in a mate. Or the EMPATHIST can become
destructively hypersensitive and suspicious. In the course of any relation-
ship, both modes usually occur.

For the EMPATHIST, sex is fraught with meaning. The EMPATHIST


overwhelmed by love aches for union. The EMPATHIST, angry about some
routine matter, can't think about sex. Everything must be right, the mood, the
setting, the person. Sex may always be an on-again, off-again thing for
EMPATHISTs in the usual up and down love relationship.

The EMPATHIST's conflicts with all the other types will revolve around
definitions of the words relationship and love. The EMPATHIST's meaning
for these terms is central to the EMPATHIST identity. The EMPATHIST's
frustration and pain over missed communications and hurt feelings are to-
tally incomprehensible to all the other types.

A chronically broken heart is a way of life for many searching, seeking EM-
PATHISTs.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


46
When Like Likes Like,
or
When (NF)Empathists Mate

Stolen glances, romantic meetings, exotic flirtations, painful infatuation,


smoldering passion, shivering sighs and shuddering palpitations, willing
self-disclosure, tearful pledges of commitment, intense intimacy, and almost
mystical fireworks are the way EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relation-
ships begin.

Disillusionment, hypersensitivity, hurt feelings, tears, a cosmic sense of


abandonment, and a broken-hearted depression which can be alleviated only
by a new romance: that's how EMPATHIST-EMPATHIST love relation-
ships end.

To EMPATHISTs, love is such a roller coaster that other types must wonder
if the "goin' up is worth the comin' down," but that's the way passion oper-
ates among these temperamental types. These are the relationships that F.
Scott Fitzgerald heralded.

When EMPATHISTs mate, their shared idealism is usually involved: a


common quest, a spiritual commitment, a philosophical common-ground.

Relationship, per se, usually is a conscious focus of life, as is the explora-


tion, expression and perfection of self. Combining those two objectives often
presses EMPATHIST mates toward a continual redefinition and reworking
of the relationship: a process of evolution and growth.

With such change comes a sense of excitement, aliveness, newness; with it,
also, comes some degree of turmoil and discomfort.

Growth is the goal, the process, the pitfall and the glory of EMPATHIST-
EMPATHIST matings.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


47
When two EMPATHISTS are in a situation which allows them to share their
intuition and feeling, they are happiest. That's when the relationship usually
works best: sharing a spiritual experience, critiquing a play.

Unfortunately, most real-world relationships involve a certain amount of


"taking care of business": attending to the sensing and thinking demands of
society (working for a living, washing dishes, doing laundry, taking out
trash, paying bills, keeping the car running and the house repaired, going to
the grocery, the cleaners, the PTA, and such). So, in a typical pair-bonding
situation, EMPATHIST couples need to volunteer for, delegate, or otherwise
cover the reality chores of living together. And that's not usually an easily
hurdled obstacle.

One of the first major adjustments that occurs in most EMPATHIST pairings
is that one (or both) of them appears to change type. The one who's less
gung-ho as an intuitive may be transformed into an (SP)REALIST or an
(SJ)LEGALIST. The one whose preference for feeling is less strong may
take on the robes of the "thinker." Pretty soon, you might be hard-pressed to
recognize them as EMPATHISTS.

Then, you can bet, one or both feels compromised, dishonest with the inner
self, and resentful of the other and of the relationship. "The grass is always
greener" phenomenon may strike particularly hard when two EMPATHISTS
try to carry on a long-term relationship.

Ah, but in its moments of glory, the EMPATHIST couple is the stuff of
which sonnets are written! Since communication skills are peak for this tem-
perament, speech and writing about love's ups and downs are likely to be
part of the relationship: poems, notes, letters, and heartfelt telephone conver-
sations may punctuate the days and nights.

Communication, in a general sense, is of interest to the EMPATHIST cou-


ple. Critiquing plays, stories and novels is an accepted dinner-time conver-
sation, and the fine-honing of personal philosophy is usually somewhere at
the heart of these sharing experiences. Do EMPATHISTS talk (and talk)
about their relationship? Do they breathe?

Two EMPATHISTS together may become "self-actualization" junkies: fol-


lowing one personal development or spiritual training experience after an-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


48
other, sharing meaningful books and films, following after one or another
guru. When there's no money in the budget for frills, there may still be funds
for group therapy or private counseling sessions. The quest for self and iden-
tity is unceasing for many, if not most, EMPATHIST types, especially when
they can feed off each other's energy and commitment.

In a connected relationship, EMPATHISTs tend to ponder the meaning and


significance of every gesture, posture, glance, expression, word and silence.
EMPATHISTs, in their own unique way, probably "work" at love more than
any other type, and—when carried to extreme—the continual analysis of
what everything means can be exhausting, even to another EMPATHIST! It
may be very difficult for two EMPATHISTs to "lighten up" when it comes
to just enjoying a relationship.

In their most intense state of connection, the EMPATHIST pair is almost


psychic: anticipating each other's mood swings, wants, needs, fears, dreams,
thoughts and aspirations, without ever speaking.

As one EMPATHIST woman put it: "We have our hard times, sure, but we
have times together when we breathe in rhythm; I feel his thoughts. I hurt
with him. I sense his joy. And he's capable of feeling me the same way. We
can tell each other our deepest thoughts. I wouldn't trade that kind of con-
nection for anything!"

But, when the magic needs a tune-up, the dark side of that EMPATHIST
sensitivity may rear its head. Suspicion, paranoia, hypersensitivity, and
other products of runaway imagination may pollute every interaction, color
every communication.

"Somehow, she got the impression that I was having an affair. I wasn't. I
told her I wasn't. Then she got angry because she could accept the fact that
there was another person, but not the fact that I was lying. Except there was-
n't another person, and I wasn't lying.

"For one crazy minute, I thought it might be easier to lie, tell her I was hav-
ing an affair—that she was right—and make her feel better. But I didn't, be-
cause I don't like to lie to her!

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


49
"Now she says she thinks she knows who the person is—a good friend of
ours—and she's going to confront her. But I'm not having an affair! Now
what do I do? When she confronts our friend and she denies it, she'll just as-
sume that it's another lie! I can't win!"

The innocent NF man returned home to find that his NF spouse had chopped
off all her raven-black hair in revenge. For nothing.

These are some of the troublesome typical pitfalls of the EMPATHIST-


EMPATHIST pairing, but we've only been looking at the aspects that are
generated by the "temperamental cornerstone" of iNtuition and Feeling.
Those are important characteristics, but not the only ones.

First of all, the partner whose preference for intuition is stronger may see the
other as a sensor! And the partner who's most comfortable with "pure" feel-
ing may regard the other as a hard-hearted thinking type.

In other words, EMPATHIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of


their preferences for feeling and intuition may actually regard each other as
"foreign" types!

Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the


dimensions of judging-perception and introversion-extraversion.

For example, an EMPATHIST who prefers judging may consider a percep-


tive-type partner to be unclear on personal values or inadequately committed
to the relationship or to other "causes." The perceptive, in turn, may call the
judge narrow-minded and rigid, both in terms of defining the relationship
and pursuing personal goals. In either case, they may minimize their areas of
compatibility and focus instead on their differences.

By the same token, introverted EMPATHISTS may find their need for
peace, privacy, and personal territory continually violated by extraverted
EMPATHISTS, whose requests for socializing, contact, conversation, com-
pliments and other strokes and feedback are frustrated by introverted part-
ners.

Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for in-
teraction are so different.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


50
The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimen-
sion cannot be overstated. Even though they're both of the EMPATHIST
temperament, an ENFP and an INFP represent vastly different personality
styles in a close relationship. And an ENFJ and an INFJ may have to work
very hard at understanding each other's needs—even though they have three
out of four of the personality factors in common.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


51
The (SJ)Legalist and the (NF)Empathist

Even if this pair shares its introversion or extraversion, and even if both are
judging and feeling, the personality differences between the EMPATHIST
and LEGALIST temperaments are worth examining.

The sensing-judging partner sees life as a series of duties, commitments, re-


sponsibilities, obligations, habits, "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts", rules, proce-
dures, schedules, facts and figures, hierarchies, rituals and authority struc-
tures.

Intuitive-feeling mates (especially perceptive ones!) bridles at authority, and


even the implication of structure in a relationship is a bit unnerving to the
autonomy-loving EMPATHIST. Relationships, feelings, ideas, causes, free-
dom, sentiments, passion, love: that's what EMPATHISTs are made of!

The EMPATHIST is creative and spontaneous.

The LEGALIST is traditional and organized. The EMPATHIST is spiritual


and mystical.

The LEGALIST is practical and sensible. The EMPATHIST isn't, period.

The EMPATHIST thinks in terms of tomorrow and forever. The LEGALIST


thinks in terms of history and today.

This is a combination which offers challenges for both parties, but these two
may form a powerful team if they learn to work together and if they ever
come to understand that they will never see the world through each other's
eyes, and they aren't likely ever to remake each other into a carbon copy of
the self!

The relative importance of WORK and RELATIONSHIPS demands exami-


nation if the LEGALIST/EMPATHIST relationship is to be understood.

To the sensing-judging type, life and duty are synonymous. Work plays an
important part in the picture.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


52
To the intuitive-feeling type, life and relationships are synonymous. Work is
certainly important, but the EMPATHIST conceives of work differently: as a
gift to humanity, service, communication, art, inspiration: an act of creation
to bear witness to the fact that the EMPATHIST once lived.

To the LEGALIST, work is work. You do it right and on time and you get
paid for your contribution, and the well-oiled machine of society cranks on.

To the EMPATHIST, work must be meaningful: both personally fulfilling


and impactful on others. Punctuality, reliability and steadiness are not basic
parts of the EMPATHIST personality, although they do figure more strongly
in the habits of the intuitive-feeling folks who prefer judging.

The LEGALIST sees life as a traditional script of well-defined characters.


The LEGALIST believes, earnestly, that people have roles to play in life,
and that each must take a part and play the role predictably, dutifully and
conscientiously or the play will bomb and society won't function.

To an EMPATHIST, that view is mechanistic and deadly boring.

The EMPATHIST believes that caring and acceptance and flexibility are
what's required to make the world run smoothly. EMPATHISTs don't see
world crises as anything other than the multiplication of individual relation-
ship problems. EMPATHISTs believe that love and acceptance of others can
move mountains.

To a LEGALIST, that view is unsupported fiction, a nice fairy tale, but to-
tally unrealistic. And, the LEGALIST hastens to point out, fairy tales don't
make the mortgage payment!

The LEGALIST is an honest, responsible mate, who relates to the partner


cooperatively. FAIRNESS is an important concept to the LEGALIST mate.

If the LEGALIST is a thinker, logic is paramount in determining what is


fair. If the LEGALIST is a feeler, emotions and values figure strongly in that
determination. Needless to say, the EMPATHIST and the feeling LEGAL-
IST have an easier time in a partnership than the combination when the LE-
GALIST is a thinker.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


53
Commitments and obligations are taken seriously by the LEGALIST. Prom-
ises are not broken casually or capriciously. The LEGALIST is trustworthy
and takes pride in that characteristic. The LEGALIST also has a long mem-
ory for others' irresponsibility.

The EMPATHIST sees commitment at a more spiritual level. If the EMPA-


THIST is usually twenty minutes late picking up the LEGALIST mate, the
EMPATHIST has a hard time understanding the LEGALIST's anger and re-
sentment.

The EMPATHIST sees the LEGALIST as hopelessly stuck in the here-and-


now, unwilling to look beyond today's "Do It" list (with its little neat boxes
for checking off the day's tasks) to the real meaning of life and love.

LEGALISTs tend to parent their EMPATHIST mates, particularly when the


LEGALIST is a thinker and the EMPATHIST is a perceptive type. To listen
to a conversation, you might think that nursery school is in session. The
LEGALIST checks up on every "assignment" of the EMPATHIST's day,
particularly in the financial and bill-paying realm.

For the LEGALIST, this seems necessary, because the EMPATHIST shows,
again and again, that inattention to detail is a basic feature of the EMPA-
THIST personality, and that thinking is not a comfortable mode of function-
ing for this mate.

The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't think that punctuality
is terribly critical, in general, and the LEGALIST knows that something as
boring and impersonal as bill-paying may just slip the EMPATHIST's atten-
tion until a payment is long overdue.

The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't like to balance the
checkbook, even though judging EMPATHISTs are more likely to force
themselves to attend to such matters. The LEGALIST knows that the EM-
PATHIST might overdraw the account—not by self-indulgence—but by
picking up an expensive present for the (frustrated and sometimes unappre-
ciative) LEGALIST mate!

The thinking LEGALIST, particularly, can parent the EMPATHIST into be-
coming even more irresponsible, even less conscientious, since the LEGAL-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


54
IST isn't usually good at doling out praise and appreciation when the EM-
PATHIST is dutiful. ("Reward people for just doing what's sensible and
right?" hoots the LEGALIST, incredulously.)

That brings up another serious issue for the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST com-


bination: APPRECIATION.

EMPATHISTs give it lavishly. EMPATHISTs need it desperately. And LE-


GALISTs (especially the thinking ones) just don't congratulate, appreciate,
thank or otherwise acknowledge anything other than herculean accomplish-
ment. In the EMPATHIST/LEGALIST relationship, the EMPATHIST is
likely to remain needy, hungering for approval and gratitude.

When it comes to spending MONEY, LEGALISTs and EMPATHISTs have


both similarities and differences.

LEGALISTs may agree with EMPATHISTs that expenditures for the home
are important, and that durable, good-quality pieces should be selected, to be
carefully maintained for as long as possible.

But, in general, LEGALISTs favor saving money over spending it, and there
are times when the EMPATHIST will regard the LEGALIST as stingy, too
conservative, and not at all giving and generous.

The LEGALIST hesitates to borrow, charge, or rent. The LEGALIST would


rather do without. For all their idealism and periodic shunning of material
needs, EMPATHISTs do tend to use money (real and potential) impulsively,
buying as emotion moves them. (-NFPs swear that they are not the worst
when it comes to money, but not even they believe their protestations of in-
nocence!)

The LEGALIST is a bit of a pessimist, always looking for the worst to hap-
pen and conscientiously planning against that dark day. EMPATHISTs are
not security-minded, as a rule, and they tend to save little as a nest egg or a
rainy-day fund.

Attitudes about EDUCATION may come into conflict between the EMPA-
THIST and the LEGALIST.

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55
The LEGALIST is quite practical when it comes to learning and training.
The LEGALIST seeks an education in order to work, to learn a skill, to mas-
ter a field of knowledge so it may be applied.

The LEGALIST studies mostly by memorization of facts, and this type is


most comfortable in fields which minimize theory, creativity, innovation,
and all but the most straight-forward kind of writing.

LEGALISTs work hard at school, finish, and apply what they've learned to
earn a living--and their attitude is often: “the sooner the better!”

The EMPATHIST, of course, is just the opposite. The EMPATHIST learns


to learn, without much attention to whether the learning may ever be applied,
whether it may ever earn an income. The EMPATHIST does not enjoy
learning by memorization, but excels at theorizing, imagining, visualization,
reading and writing—and the more creative the topic the better.

The EMPATHIST sees life as a continuing learning and growth experience,


a laboratory in which learning about humanity and learning to exercise in-
terpersonal skills is the name of the game.

A classic interchange between a thinker-type LEGALIST and a perceptive-


type EMPATHIST mate is this:

LEGALIST: You've been in college for six years now.

EMPATHIST: Yes, and I've just found this wonderful sociology professor.

LEGALIST: I thought you were majoring in anthropology.

EMPATHIST: I am. And psychology.

LEGALIST: And now sociology.

EMPATHIST: It's just a class.

LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree?

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56
EMPATHIST: I still have three freshman courses I haven't finished yet. I
just hate required courses.

One of them is math. I hate math.

LEGALIST: When are you going to finish your degree?

EMPATHIST: I'm thinking of changing my major.

LEGALIST: Hopefully to something that will train you to do something.

EMPATHIST: Social ecology. It's a little of this and a little of that.

LEGALIST: What does a social ecologist do? Where do they work?

How much do they make?

EMPATHIST: You're a stick in the mud.

Predictable crises for this combination


1. THE LEGALIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE EMPATHIST HAS
NO SENSE, AND THE EMPATHIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE
LEGALIST HAS NO IMAGINATION.

2. THE EMPATHIST'S PREOCCUPATION WITH "IMPRACTICAL" IS-


SUES WILL STRIKE THE LEGALIST AS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UN-
FAIR IN THE RELATIONSHIP—FORCING THE LEGALIST TO TAKE
CARE OF ALL REALITY-BASED CONCERNS IN LIFE

3. THE CONFLICTS OVER MONEY AND WORK, IN PARTICULAR,


MAY RESULT IN THE LEGALIST'S CONTINUAL PARENTING OF
THE EMPATHIST MATE.

4. THE ABSENCE OF REINFORCEMENT AND APPRECIATION MAY


BE CRIPPLING TO THE EMPATHIST'S SENSE OF PERSONAL ES-
TEEM AND SELF-WORTH.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


57
5. THE EMPATHIST MAY CONCLUDE THAT THE LEGALIST HAS
NO CONCEPT OF DEEP FEELING AND RELATIONSHIP.

NOTE: ALL OF THESE PREDICTABLE CRISES ARE MORE


LIKELY WHEN THE LEGALIST IS A THINKER AND/OR THE
EMPATHIST IS A PERCEPTIVE.

Possible benefits for this combination


1. THE LEGALIST MAY BECOME MORE OPEN TO AESTHETICS,
NON-CAREER-ORIENTED LEARNING, INTERPERSONAL DYNAM-
ICS, FEELINGS AND SPIRITUALITY.

2. THE EMPATHIST MAY LEARN TO CHANNEL SOME EFFORT


AND ENERGY INTO AREAS WHICH WILL PROVIDE SOME FINAN-
CIAL OR OTHERWISE TANGIBLE PAY-OFF.

3. THE LEGALIST MAY BECOME MORE FLEXIBLE, AND THE EM-


PATHIST MAY LEARN TO COMPLETE TASKS AND BE MORE RE-
LIABLE AND PUNCTUAL.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


58
The (NF)Empathist
and the (NT)Analyst
What brings the EMPATHIST and ANALYST together? Whether or not
they match on the dimensions of introversion-extraversion or judging-
perception, it is their shared preference for intuition that usually makes these
two types greet each other as kindred souls.

Three-fourths of the population of the U.S. is thought to belong to the vari-


ous sensing personality types (8 of the 16 types). Only about a quarter of the
population is thought to be intuitive. Intuitives are used to being outnum-
bered, from an early age onward.

In school, the intuitives are the question-asking iconoclasts, the theorizers,


the fantasizers, the creative anti-authoritarian kids who ask "Why?" when-
ever they're told to obey, the day dreamers who wonder "what if...?"

Intuitives enjoy the company of other intuitives. They stick together, if only
for their own protection! Other intuitives validate their basis of perception,
of knowledge.

Other intuitives accept the value of theory, even if they can't understand or
agree with a particular one. Intuitives have a tolerance for speculation,
imagination and ideas per se, whether or not they carry the promise of a fi-
nancial pay-off.

In general, intuitive types aren't very materialistic. They'll accept a poorly


paid professorship which grants freedom of expression, research and teach-
ing, in preference to a highly paid position which carries no hope of auton-
omy or creative expression.

IDEALISM is one factor that attracts EMPATHISTs and ANALYSTs to


each other: the greater importance of possibilities than realities, the belief
that not everything of value is tangible.

INTELLIGENCE is another factor that draws intuitive to intuitive. The


world of higher education—particularly professional education—is domi-

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59
nated by the intuitive personality types. Intuitive thinkers, especially, seem
to thrive in the highest echelons of the conventional educational establish-
ment.

Many intuitives equate intelligence with education and, thus, seek mates
who have amassed credits, degrees and credentials.

Frankly speaking, intuitives sometimes have a hard time recognizing the


skills of sensing types as intelligent. Clever, maybe. Efficient, probably. But
not intelligent. Most intuitives identify intuitive intelligence as real intelli-
gence.

So, ANALYSTs and EMPATHISTs may be attracted to each other because


of their shared idealism and intuitive intelligence, but they may also be at-
tracted by virtue of their dissonance on the thinking-feeling dimension.

It's a rare adult EMPATHIST who hasn't been nagged and criticized by a
parent, friend, lover or spouse about their lack of logic—their blatant igno-
rance of the fact that this is a facts-and-figures world.

And it's a rare EMPATHIST who hasn't confronted some thinker-types


along the way to point out to them that their unfeeling, unconscious way of
conducting their personal relationships is basically painful to feeling types.

But, nonetheless, by some backwards psychology, ANALYSTS and EM-


PATHISTS may find each other totally irresistible!

The EMPATHIST's logic (and illogic!) may, at first, seem refreshing and
unconventional to the ANALYST. The EMPATHIST's warm personal style
and sensitive attention to others' emotional concerns may impress an ANA-
LYST as suave and effective.

Besides, even a tough, independent ANALYST enjoys the solicitous appre-


ciation and praise that EMPATHISTs typically bestow on those close to
them!

But problems arise rather soon for this pair.

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60
Problem number one is APPRECIATION and CRITICISM, and it's gener-
ally yoked to problem number two: SPIRITUALITY and LOGIC.

The well-intentioned ANALYST may try to "help the EMPATHIST out"


with logical issues. Critiquing and criticizing every gesture, word and idea,
the ANALYST is quite capable of crushing the EMPATHIST, who will try
so hard to please and win approval.

Eventually, the ANALYST may succeed in paralyzing the EMPATHIST's


motivational system. "What's the use of trying, anyway?" the EMPATHIST
wonders. Life is too short. So the EMPATHIST just quits trying, and goes
elsewhere in search of reinforcement.

There's unquestionable survival value in the EMPATHIST's retreat from the


hypercritical ANALYST, but avoidance of criticism and competition may
just convince the ANALYST mate, once and for all, that this partner doesn't
have what it takes in terms of drive, initiative and competency.

The ANALYST is logical, whereas the EMPATHIST is spiritual. Both of


them believe in the reality of ideas, but both have a hard time with each
other's.

The EMPATHIST's preoccupation with relationships, other-worldly spiritu-


ality, and personal development may baffle and annoy the ANALYST,
whose mind is probably elsewhere.

The ANALYST may find it impossible to understand why the EMPATHIST


partner wants to be told "I love you" all the time. The ANALYST assumes
that, once said—or occasionally reiterated—should be enough.

The EMPATHIST may find it difficult to understand why the ANALYST


would refuse to go to church or participate in an uplifting personal-growth
weekend or take a course in creative visualization or re-birthing or spiritual
affirmation or unconditional love.

The EMPATHIST, who will put forth super-human effort to ensure that the
ANALYST's friends are well-treated, will be frustrated by the lack of recip-
rocation on the part of the mate when the EMPATHIST's circle of friends is
being entertained.

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61
The ANALYST, who may be caustic, critical, or openly bored with the EM-
PATHIST's friends, really isn't interested in the mystical, humanistic, and
touchy-feelie concerns of the EMPATHIST crowd—unless they can, some-
how, be related to theory.

A major conflict for the EMPATHIST and ANALYST concerns the ANA-
LYST's obsessive identification of life with work. The ANALYST regards
work as the central focus of life, a driving and uncompromising task-master.
The EMPATHIST may well see the ANALYST mate as being "married" to
the job, and this evaluation isn't far from accurate!

It is hard for the EMPATHIST to understand that relationships just aren't ter-
ribly important to many ANALYSTs, except as a cushion, a backdrop, a
comforting and consoling "R and R" retreat from temporary set-backs and
disappointments at work.

To the extent that the loving relationship supports work, allows it to go on


without interruption or compromise, then the ANALYST will be happy with
the relationship.

And then there’s the matter of SEX. ANALYSTs often have to struggle
with the EMPATHIST’s need for romance and, well, adoration, as part of
the mating ritual. Hurt feelings can be a way of life in this relationship
unless differences in “style” can be addressed in an affirmative way. The
EMPATHIST may have to learn to expect less. The ANALYST may have
to give more. Fair’s fair.

If the relationship gets too demanding, impinges excessively on the ANA-


LYST's sense of "center", then the ANALYST may bridle.

How does the ANALYST run away from a relationship that's pressing in on
all sides, distracting the creative process from the endless stream of intellec-
tual talks at hand? You guessed it! The ANALYST gets buried in work,
comes home late or not at all, and drops into bed exhausted (too exhausted,
if you catch my meaning!).

An ANALYST running away from a relationship may turn into a rather


monochromatic character, boring black and white. The EMPATHIST may

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62
start to wonder whatever happened to that creativity that once attracted them
to each other!

Needless to say, when the preferences for extraversion-introversion and/or


perception-judging are also at odds. The opportunity for mutual burn out is
maximized.

Without some awareness of the source of their conflict, the EMPATHIST


and ANALYST may come to regard the other as lacking intuition, the very
similarity which probably attracted them to each other in the first place!

Predictable Crises for This Combination


1. THE ANALYST MAY COME TO REGARD THE EMPATHIST AS A
MARTIAN, WITH NO SENSE OF CONVENTIONAL LOGIC.

2. THE EMPATHIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE ANALYST AS A


MARTIAN, WITH NO SENSE OF CONVENTIONAL FEELING.

3. BOTH OF THEM MAY RESOLVE THE CONFLICT BY DECIDING


THAT THE OTHER IS NOT INTUITIVE (READ: CREATIVE, INTEL-
LIGENT ) SINCE NEITHER CAN RECOGNIZE THE OTHER'S BRAND
OF INTUITION WITHOUT FEELING SOMEWHAT INVALIDATED.

NOTE: ALL OF THESE PREDICTABLE CRISES ARE MORE


LIKELY WHEN THE PARTNERS HAVE DIFFERENT PREFER-
ENCES FOR THE INTROVERSION-EXTRAVERSION AND PER-
CEPTIVE-JUDGING ATTITUDES.

Possible Benefits for This Combination


1. BOTH PARTNERS MAY LEARN TO EXPAND THEIR SENSE OF
INTELLIGENCE TO INCLUDE BOTH THINKING AND FEELING.

2. THE ANALYST MAY LEARN TO BECOME MORE APPRECIATIVE


AND REINFORCING OF OTHERS, AND THE EMPATHIST MAY
LEARN TO BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT AND SELF-
REINFORCING.

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63
3. THE ANALYST MAY COME MORE IN TUNE WITH THE EMO-
TIONAL REALM, AND THE EMPATHIST MAY LEARN TO DEVELOP
GREATER COMPETENCY IN LOGICAL MATTERS.

4. THEY MAY UNDERTAKE SHARED PROJECTS TAPPING THEIR


COMMON INTUITIVE PROCESS AND BENEFITING FROM TASK-
ASSIGNMENTS APPROPRIATE FOR THEIR THINKING OR FEELING
PREFERENCES.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


64
The (NF)Empathist and the (SP)Realist
It's possible for EMPATHISTs and REALISTs to have a great deal in com-
mon: both may be perceptives or feeling types, and they may share introver-
sion or extraversion. But the EMPATHIST and REALIST modes of dealing
with love and life are fundamentally different ones, and knowing a bit about
what to expect can smooth out the road a bit for the EMPATHIST-REALIST
lovebirds.

An excited EMPATHIST, working feverishly on life's latest (greatest) crea-


tion or cause looks remarkably like a REALIST immersed in an all-
absorbing pet project. Both of them may decide to work until three in the
morning.

What's the difference? The EMPATHIST gets absorbed by an idea, a mis-


sion, a piece of writing or art, a philosophy, a relationship, or group of peo-
ple, while the REALIST is more often attracted by a game or other physical
endeavor (from football to dance to pottery making to music), a thing, a de-
vice or project, a process, a technique,—or a here-and-now problem to solve
by some hands-on approach.

And both the REALIST and the EMPATHIST experience "let downs" in
their work.

The EMPATHIST burns out periodically and goes through a low-energy re-
covery cycle until that intuitive fire is rekindled. The REALIST may just
quit doing whatever when the impulse fades. Then the REALIST goes off
and does something else.

One difference is that the EMPATHIST may be a miserable creature during


the slack period—feeling guilty, useless, without value, creativity or merit.
Alas! The muse is gone! The EMPATHIST may blame others for the inertia,
get sick, become morbid or depressed, complain, make excuses, eat too
much, or engage in other varieties of self-destructive behavior.

The REALIST is a different breed. The REALIST has a good time not work-
ing. To the REALIST, when work is self-selected play, it's OK. When work

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


65
is work (necessary and boring), it's tolerated only as a means to create time
and money for play!

Most EMPATHISTs don't know how to separate their identities from their
mission in life, and few EMPATHISTs share the REALIST's concept of
WORK AND PLAY.

When the EMPATHIST and the REALIST pair up, you can bet that this dif-
ference in their attitudes may loom large in the relationship's problems.

Don't mistake my meaning: EMPATHISTs do enjoy playing. EMPA-


THISTs, better than any other temperamental type maintain a child's sense of
fantasy throughout adulthood. But there's a difference between EMPA-
THIST play and REALIST play.

EMPATHISTs play as a part of a relationship. The EMPATHIST plays with


special people, as though the experience were being shared to be preserved
as a memory, lovingly packed away in a gunny-sack to be recalled as a part
of the relationship. What does the EMPATHIST remember? The emotional
tone, the feelings, the happiness, joy, disappointment, sadness.

REALISTs play to play. REALISTs don't play so they can retrieve the
memory of the play—although they certainly do remember every last detail
of a great camping trip, a tense baseball game, or an exciting skiing week-
end. The REALIST enjoys people, sure. The REALIST is the master of ca-
maraderie, fellowship, fraternity. But the REALIST deals with the people as
part of the fun.

To summarize the conflict as it's most often experienced:

REALIST: Hey, Lee invited me to go to the mountains this weekend!

EMPATHIST: Wonderful, is Jan coming, too?

REALIST: Huh? I don't think so.

EMPATHIST: Then it'll be just the three of us?

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


66
REALIST: Three? No. You don't understand. Lee invited me to go to the
mountains.

EMPATHIST: I'm not going, too?

REALIST: Well, no. We just wanted to do some hiking. You know you
don't like to hike.

EMPATHIST: But, I've been looking forward to spending this weekend with
you. I don't think we've been spending enough time with each other and it's
hurting our relationship. I want to know you better. I want to understand
your feelings...

REALIST: Feelings! There you go again! I'm going hiking with Lee.

EMPATHIST: Can't I come, too?

REALIST: And spend the weekend working on our relationship? I want to


have some fun. Can't you ever just lighten up?

The EMPATHIST mate may be an uncomfortable visitor to the REALIST's


physical, spontaneous, atheoretical (often-uncommitted), here-and-now
world.

The REALIST type may get bored with the EMPATHIST's continual analy-
sis of what everything means, the endless search for significance in every
comment, every glance, every gesture, every silence.

The word feelings may become so contaminated that it becomes a trigger for
both mates of everything that's wrong with the relationship.

The EMPATHIST may accuse the REALIST of having no vision, no real


mission in life. The REALIST type may retort that the EMPATHIST lives in
a fantasy world, with no appreciation of what is real.

The EMPATHIST may be hurt and misled by the REALIST's concept of


ROMANCE. When the REALIST decides impulsively to "Go for it!" early
in a relationship with an EMPATHIST, the EMPATHIST may mistake the
REALIST's zeal for EMPATHIST-variety "falling in love." The EMPA-

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


67
THIST may be swept away by the passionate momentum of the action-
oriented REALIST, only to feel betrayed later as the REALIST retreats
when the EMPATHIST murmurs words of love and life-long commitment.

Even if this pair mates in a relatively stable relationship, it's unlikely that the
EMPATHIST will ever be completely satisfied with romance, REALIST-
style.

To be sure, if both are feelers and share their extraverted or introverted atti-
tudes, they improve their chances of compatibility over the long haul of the
relationship, but—since one is a sensor and the other an intuitive—each in-
validates the very basis of the other’s reality!

Eventually, differences in their attitudes about MONEY will probably come


into conflict when the EMPATHIST and the REALIST mate.

The REALIST will be more materialistic—not necessarily in the sense of


developing investments or amassing a fortune, but rather by putting time and
energy into just making money. The REALIST may not want to save it, ex-
cept to then spend it, have a good time with it. The REALIST's idea of
wealth is taking vacations and buying things to enjoy today.

EMPATHISTs usually find it easier to spend money on purchases related to


their personal development and the search for meaning in life, rather than on
good times, vacations, and toys (unless, of course, the EMPATHIST sees the
latter expenditures as enhancing the relationship with the REALIST, in
which case, anything goes!) The EMPATHIST finds it easy to spend money
on the home and loved ones.

The EMPATHIST and REALIST combine their financial attitudes disas-


trously at times, with the EMPATHIST allowing feelings and emotions to
guide the use of the checkbook and the REALIST allowing impulse and the
quest for good times and toys to dictate the budget.

In fact, there's not likely to be a budget for many EMPATHIST-REALIST


pairs, unless the EMPATHIST happens to be an organized judging type and
the REALIST is one who prefers thinking.

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68
The EMPATHIST is a spiritual, feeling person, whose life is a journey to-
ward better understanding of self and others. The EMPATHIST's attraction
for life-long learning and personal development is totally beyond the REAL-
IST's comprehension. The REALIST finds it baffling that the EMPATHIST
might want to read a text book on psychology or philosophy or take a col-
lege extension course—for fun!

The REALIST can get excited about instruction, but only if the course is
about print-making, scuba diving, pottery, skiing, tennis or golf—or maybe
if the topic is real estate or stock market investments. And the REALIST
does read, but usually about business or money-making, crafts, hobbies,
clothes, cars, sports, travel, romance, mystery or adventure. From many
EMPATHISTs’ viewpoint, these are poor examples of personal enrichment
programs.

The EMPATHIST's fascination for metaphysics, serious reading (as in “lit-


erature” or personal development), music listening, film watching, concert-
going, museum browsing, or the like may convince the REALIST that the
EMPATHIST doesn't want to live life, just find out about it!

The EMPATHIST's circle of friends, selected reflexively for their warmth,


spirituality, intelligence, creativity, eccentricity and personal depth, will
probably amaze the REALIST, who may regard this eclectic group as a
throwback to the 60's.

The REALIST's circle of friends, selected reflexively for their "go get 'em"
participation in common activities, will probably impress the EMPATHIST
as "not very deep." "They never discuss anything beyond the here-and-now,"
the EMPATHIST may say critically.

Life with the REALIST may be a totally draining experience for the spiritu-
ally focused EMPATHIST. Especially the thinker-type REALIST simply
has no understanding of the EMPATHIST's needs for connection, harmony,
appreciation and attention, and—without intending to do so—the REALIST
may continually tread on the EMPATHIST's tender feelings.

At times, the EMPATHIST may give the REALIST a feeling of a straight-


jacket, a noose around the neck, or at least a wet sheet: cramping, stifling,
suffocating, inhibiting movement and freedom.

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69
Day in and day out, the EMPATHIST may complain of hurt feelings and
criticize the REALIST for lacking sensitivity, especially if the REALIST is a
thinker-type. The REALIST usually will try to ignore the criticism for as
long as possible. Then the REALIST may simply leave. Conflict is wearing
and draining to REALISTs, and—given a chance—they'll avoid it at all
costs.

Needless to say, these conflicts are most pronounced when the REALIST is
a thinker type and the EMPATHIST is a judging type. Then there may be
real fireworks!

As a parting comment, when it comes to SEX, even the feeling-type REAL-


IST may fail to meet the EMPATHIST’s expectations for eternal romance
and passion. Cosmic love is, indeed, the exclusive province of the intuitive-
feeler!

Especially the introverted and judging EMPATHIST may find the REAL-
IST’s sexual spontaneity a challenge. (“In the elevator!?” you may eaves-
drop.)

Predictable crises for this combination


1. THE EMPATHIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE REALIST AS A
MARTIAN, WITH NO SENSE OF SPIRITUALITY, IMAGINATION,
RESPONSIBILITY, COMMITMENT, OR MISSION IN LIFE.

2. THE REALIST MAY COME TO REGARD THE EMPATHIST AS A


MARTIAN, WITH NO SENSE OF FUN OR REALITY.

NOTE: THESE PREDICTABLE CRISES ARE MORE LIKELY


WHEN THE REALIST IS A THINKER AND/OR THE EMPATHIST
PREFERS THE JUDGING ATTITUDE. WITH ONE AN INTRO-
VERT AND THE OTHER AN EXTRAVERT, THE CHALLENGE
MAY BE DOUBLED!

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70
Possible benefits for this combination

1. THE REALIST MAY LIGHTEN THE EMPATHIST UP A BIT, TEACH


THE EMPATHIST TO LET GO OF THAT OVERBEARING PREOCCU-
PATION WITH THE "MEANING" OF LIFE AND THE "SIGNIFI-
CANCE" OF RELATIONSHIPS, THE EGO-IMPORTANCE OF ONE'S
SPIRITUAL MISSION, AND LIVING IN THE WORLD OF FUTURE
POSSIBILITY, RATHER THAN PRESENT REALITY.

2. THE EMPATHIST MAY HELP THE REALIST DEVELOP A SENSE


OF COHERENCE TO WORK AND LIFE, AN APPRECIATION OF
VALUES AND FEELINGS, A TOLERANCE FOR PHILOSOPHY AND
SPIRITUALITY, AND A NEW OPENNESS TO LEARNING AND DE-
VELOPING AS A PERSON.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


71
TYPE-TEMPERAMENT THEORY:
ORIGINS AND CAVEATS
Type-Temperament Theory is scientifically based, tracing its roots back
nearly a century to the seminal work of Dr. Carl Jung, the great Swiss-born
analytic psychologist. Since Jung, thousands of psychologists, human re-
sources specialists, educators, clergy and others have expanded and clarified
the work, until now it is the number one approach to understanding individ-
ual differences in the world.

Type-Temperament Theory describes the biological cornerstones of your


self: how you prefer to take in information, how you base your decision-
making, which of those two processes you prefer, and whether you are in-
clined to deal with the world in an extraverted or introverted attitude. By
characterizing yourself and others in these four ways, you open the door to
powerful insights about all the relationships in your life.

Prior to the development of The Insight Game, determining your four pref-
erences typically involved the use of paper-and-pencil psychological testing,
usually the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (the MBTI)™Consulting Psy-
chologists Press. While Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs' contributions to
the development of Type-Temperament Theory cannot be overstated, using
their psychological test posed practical and ethical problems in terms of
helping people discover their personality type.

Psychology has a dark and well-deserved history for personality testing,


since most of it has been based on the assumption that there are proper traits
to exhibit, and the more of the trait you have the better a person you are.
People understandably feel intimidated by the process of exposing their
souls to strangers.

Myers and Briggs tried to assuage people's fears by calling the instrument an
"indicator," rather than a "test." They explained that there are no right or
wrong answers to the questions on the MBTI: that all types are equally good.
But people did not necessarily believe those protestations when they saw a
booklet of questions, a computer-scorable answer sheet and a sharpened
pencil sitting on the desk waiting for them. They remained intimidated. That
intimidation, in turn, caused many to answer the questions cautiously and

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


72
often inaccurately, leading to personality descriptions which were often in-
correct.

Some people abused the MBTI, assuming that the portrait of personality it
provided represented a comprehensive view of the individual. But Type-
Temperament Theory never was intended to be used in that way. It makes
no effort to describe people's intelligence, abilities, drive, ethics, or mental
balance—and all of these contribute to the overall view of personality.

Some organizations used the MBTI to rule people out of particular positions
in the working world. Type-Temperament Theory wasn't meant to be used
in that way either, even though it can provide some valuable insights into
how an individual will approach a particular job or task.

Recognizing the type- or temperament-related aspects of various careers can


save people a lot of grief by helping them avoid certain positions which will
not make the best use of their natural gifts.

By the same token, recognizing the personality type of a consultant you are
considering engaging will help you decide pro or con with your eyes wide
open as to key behaviors he or she is likely to exhibit over the course of the
relationship.

Some counselors actually cautioned couples against marriage on the basis of


their MBTI results! Even though Type-Temperament Theory can predict
important ways in which people will agree and disagree in a loving relation-
ship, it is certainly no comprehensive measure of attraction or compatibility.

In too many businesses the MBTI has been abused by pigeon-holing people,
reducing their individuality to a four-letter code. In the worst cases, mis-
guided human resources specialists actually forced all the people in a busi-
ness or team to take the instrument and then summarized the group with only
a sixteen-celled chart. Such "type charts" are incredibly useful and informa-
tive to groups learning about Type-Temperament Theory, but, by them-
selves, they scarcely describe the humanity of the people or the particular
challenges facing them as a group.

Type-Temperament Theory is a tool. Some people have used it as a crowbar


or sledge hammer, not as a mirror or paintbrush—the way it was intended.

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


73
All of those abuses exist potentially for The Insight Game. The purpose of
this file is to advise against succumbing to such pitfalls. Used appropriately,
kindly, and with a generous spirit, knowledge of this system will elevate
your self-esteem and increase your appreciation of others in your life. It will
put you more in charge of all your relationships.

The corporate philosophy of RoBards Counseling & Consulting speaks to


the best use of Type-Temperament Theory and The Insight Game.

"Until you are on your own side,


you have no chance of winning.
As long as you are opposing others,
you can experience only defeat.
Insight is the discovery that
you can take care of yourself
and support your fellow man at the same time.

You do not exist apart from the rest of the universe


You are a ray of its energy,
a potential for initiative and creation.

Goethe said:
'Whatever you can do,
or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius,
power and magic in it.'

If you retreat from your creation


because you cannot envision
the means of its support,
then surely, no support will materialize.

Find your role.


Commit your self to its playing.
And you may find the theatre you need.
A producer may emerge.
Other actors may arrive.
And an audience may assemble

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


74
to help you realize your dreams
and accomplish other destinies."

© COPYRIGHT 1996 Martine J. RoBards, Ph.D.


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