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ENFP Profile 10
NF Managerial Profile 23
NF Employee Profile 34
NF Loving Profile 45
We are information processors, all of us, all the time, every day. We live our
lives by taking in data, determining what needs to be done, and taking ac-
tion.
The input process of becoming aware is called perception. The output proc-
ess of decision-making and reacting is called judging.
People vary enormously in terms of how much they enjoy the perceptive
process and how they prefer to perceive reality.
Likewise, people can be classified by how much they like making judgments
and how they prefer to do so.
The Insight Game first distinguishes perceptive types from judging types.
The perceptive type is patient with gathering data about people, ideas and
day-to-day occurrences. The judging type begins to organize what is ob-
served almost immediately: summarizing, classifying, simplifying or other-
wise "pigeon-holing" reality into boxes built by previous experience.
In their extremes, perceptive people may have a hard time ever "getting to
the bottom line" in making even routine decisions, while judging people may
"jump the gun" and make up their minds about issues before enough infor-
mation has been gathered to take an informed stand.
It is apparent by now that no one could really be all perceptive, or all judg-
ing, since perception must precede judgment, and judgment does eventually
follow perception, but--with most people--one process does tend to pre-
dominate. The tendency to have a clear preference for one attitude over the
other is both natural and adaptive. It defines one important aspect of your
personality type.
All of us perceive reality in two stages. First of all, we use our sensing abil-
ity, and then we process the sensory data using our intuition. People may be
divided processes they prefer to use. Thus, we distinguish sensing
from intuitive types by their preferred perceptive process.
Sensing people tend to rely on familiar tactics and past experience to guide
their perception of new situations.
While the sensing person perceives what is seen, the intuitive person forms
perceptions by combining what is seen with ideas and associations from
imagination and memory.
Intuitive people see life more in terms of imaginative possibility than practi-
cal reality. They look to the future. They search for meaning. They revel in
Sensors make good reporters but poor poets. Intuitives may well be mathe-
matical geniuses, but you probably wouldn't knowingly pick one to be your
bookkeeper.
Again, all of us need and use both sensing and intuitive processing to form
perceptions. But most of us most of us favor one process more than the
other. And that preference is an important part of your personality type.
To form judgments, all people apply two processes in series. First, we think.
Then we use feeling. But we don't rely on those processes in equal measure.
At least most of us don't, and there's good reason to believe that it's
healthy, normal, adaptive to have a clear-cut preference for which function
you use. The tendency to choose one process over the other identifies your
preferred judging process.
Those who are most comfortable using their thinking process trust rational
analysis and impersonal logic to guide their decision-making. Those who
prefer to use their feelings turn to their inner system of values to direct
their actions.
Those who prefer their extraverted self see people and things as the real stuff
of life, while the introvert deals with ideas as the best reality.
The extravert yearns for contact with a variety of people, while the introvert
yearns for peace and privacy or for association with a small intimate circle
of friends.
But, with the introvert, what you see is not what you get.
By the same token, the introverted perceptive will organize his or her outer
personality using the sensory or intuitive process, for they must have some
extraversion in order to survive in the physical world of people and things,
to function in society. Nonetheless, it is their preferred judging process, ei-
ther thinking or feeling which is the real key to their personality--their
dominant process--and it's underground.
Confusing? You bet it's confusing! But, then, so are introverts. Whether you
are an introvert or love an introvert or work with an introvert, it's well worth
the time you invest to understand their complexity. After all, they make up
one fourth of the population!
A wise psychologist once pointed out that most of us have a hard time re-
membering any combination of things over the "magic number seven." So,
At the heart of Keirsey's work is the important observation that sensors and
intuitives are the most different of all the pairs. So, Keirsey's scheme identi-
fies two key groups of sensors and two of intuitives.
For sensors, the greatest differences appear between those who are percep-
tive and those who prefer judging.
For intuitives, the perceptive-judging difference is less critical than that be-
tween feeling and thinking.
We've called the combination of sensing and perception (SP) the REALIST,
sensing and judging (SJ) the LEGALIST, intuition and feeling (NF) the
EMPATHIST, and intuition and thinking (NT) the ANALYST.
ENFP
You Are an Extraverted Intuitive
Invention, innovation, instigation, imagination, individualism, initiative, in-
genuity, inspiration, insight and intellect. Who could be the subject but
someone like you?
You live continually in the realm of the possible, and when you're absorbed
in your latest project you can think of little else. Your energy level is some-
times exhausting to behold. You are virtually tireless in the pursuit of your
latest goal—as long as your interest in the project holds, anyway.
You are an enthusiastic explorer of a world where the horizon is the only fo-
cus of interest. In your search for new experiences, new ideas, and new pro-
jects, you discover over and over again that your goal loses its attractiveness
just as soon as it falls within your grasp—or as soon as its pursuit degener-
ates to hum-drum routine.
When the end's in sight, and your interest wanes, it's a real struggle for you
to muster enough self-discipline to see the task through to its completion.
You're a great starter, but you have a hard time finishing!
More than once, you've reached that point of lost love for a project and have
artfully handed it to a colleague or associate to be completed. You rarely are
at a loss for devoted followers. That commitment and self-confidence you
radiate is infectious, and you have the ability to be a guru for many others
who lack your talent and perseverance and personal drive.
You tackle an amazing variety of problems with ease, and the diversity of
your interests is mirrored by the diversity of your friends. You are a collec-
tor of people.
You do not mean to be fickle, but you have a tendency to move from one
person to another, or from one group to another, with the same ease that
moves you from one grand cause to the next. You tire of people as easily as
you tire of projects.
Diversity is the universal key to happiness in your life. Unless you make a
concerted effort to develop your less-favored psychological processes: in-
sight that comes with the reflection of the introvert, the attention to detail of
the sensing type, and the ability to make decisions and complete unpleasant
tasks that characterizes the judging personality, you may find yourself frit-
tering away your brilliance and impulsive energy on poorly thought-out pro-
jects or ones which never manage to reach successful completion.
Of all the sixteen personality types, yours is the most enthusiastic and infec-
tious! Your relationships with others, the admiration you receive from your
daily interactions with them, fire you to the highest level of your personal
achievement.
When intuition and feeling combine, the result is a temperament we call the
EMPATHIST: the very cornerstone of your personality.
Intuition plus feeling fires the idealist, the truth-seeker. You focus much of
your energy on the knowledge and perfection of self—to identify your goals,
to build meaningful relationships, to be an authentic person, to be in touch
with yourself and, therefore, to be capable of really touching others.
Give yourself a break! You are among the most sensitive and responsive of
personalities. You provide a rare gift of insight, understanding, appreciation
and support to all your friends. Take the time to bask in the glow of your
own amazing qualities!
The most persuasive writers are intuitive-feeling sorts, and when those incli-
nations are found in an extraverted perceptive, all the makings of effective
leadership are present.
For people like yourself, life is a never-ending drama. What less creative
souls may see as mundane occurrences often strike you as meaningful, sig-
nificant. You tap sources of stimulation and insight from all around, just in
the course of your day-to-day living.
You are capable of keeping life new and fresh, and your infectious enthusi-
asm communicates your sense of the possible to those lucky enough to work
at your side—or in your shadow.
You have the feeling, often, of being on the brink of a great discovery about
people, life. Your intuition gathers together information from the real world
and mixes it with your imagination to synthesize a unique view of reality.
Sometimes you can communicate your vision so well that less creative souls
can share it, too, and that is a rare gift—whatever your professional calling.
From their perspective, you deal with almost metaphysical sources of infor-
mation. You just know things, and that drives them around the bend and up
the wall. You intuit good and evil, and you trust that intuition about "un-
knowables." You can predict the outcomes of interactions on the basis of
hunches.
Maybe more importantly, you know from experience that your hunches of-
ten are correct, and you're willing to rely on them—whereas other personal-
ity types, solidly and stolidly grounded in a less imaginative, more here-and-
now version of reality, aren't willing to trust their own best instincts, much
less yours!
You have an enormous impact on other people. You know it, and you enjoy
the effect you have on others' lives. You have the ability to enlist the support
of less creative types because you are such an outgoing, effective, and in-
sightful "people-person."
You are the consummate communicator. You write well, and—as an extra-
vert—you may find that you talk even better! But, beyond your written and
spoken verbal skills, your greatest triumphs of persuasion may be scored at
the level of non-verbal communication.
You radiate intensity and focused attention. It shows through your effective
use of facial expression, directed gaze, and body language. You are attrac-
tive—magnetic—in the most literal sense. People can feel the conscious and
unconscious energy you exert to "be there" emotionally when you are inter-
acting. It's both seductive and influential.
When you turn your combination of intuition and feeling to the negative side
of observation: being hypersensitive, hypercritical, and hyper-alert in look-
ing for problems, threats, and conflicts, you may imagine slights, insults and
injuries, and you can get yourself into a lot of trouble.
Especially if you are already predisposed to see a problem with another per-
son, you may tend to perceive only what you already believe and disbelieve
contradictory information. It's hard for your established belief systems to be
shaken, because you accept as certainty so many unverifiable sources of in-
formation (the same trait that underlies your creative genius!).
If this is a problem for you, write a note to yourself and put it in a desk
drawer for future reference:
You may have already dealt effectively with this snag in your life, or it may
not have been a particular difficulty for you, but many with your personality
often find themselves on the horns of a chronic sensing-thinking deficit.
There's certainly no shame in it. It's merely the back-side of that intuitive-
feeling strength that makes you so insightful and effective under different
circumstances.
Conformity isn't your long suit. Neither is obedience. And it's pretty hard to
awe you with sterile rank and titles. You're your own person. You're an op-
timistic, independent soul, and you believe in yourself when no one else
does.
It's understandable for people like you to surround themselves with like
minds and to learn to ignore criticism. If you listened to everything people
said, you'd never get any of your great ideas off the drawing board. The trick
is to balance that necessary independence with a reality-testing mechanism.
Harmony matters to you in your home, and it causes you concern when you
are at the root of conflict. You will be wise to deal openly with your loved
ones about your temperamental nature. Together, you may be able to devise
some effective and creative tactics to advise those around you about your
changing emotional state.
How about a half-comic barometer with a movable indicator needle you set
when you arrive home? Consider a range from: "I've had an awful day and I
need a hour of peace and quiet," to "All's quiet on the western front. I'm lov-
able." Learn to ask for what you need emotionally from other family mem-
bers to help you navigate through your ups and downs with as smooth sail-
ing as possible.
Life with you can be a roller-coaster at times, especially if your mate is try-
ing to exercise some kind of unwanted control over your behavior. Then,
look out! You really like feeling in charge of yourself, your life, and your
home. It's not that you really want to dominate others, but you seek self-
determination aggressively. Anyone who expects to control you better be a
diplomat or make it a practice to wear kid gloves.
All other things being equal, you'll tend to work faster than your introverted
co-workers. Depending on the job circumstances, that's a mixed blessing. In
tasks that require quick decisions and quick action, you're supreme, but you
must constantly be on guard not to act too quickly, particularly without
thinking things through completely before you move.
You are interested in the results of your job, in getting it finished, and in
comparing how other people tackle the same chore. While few people enjoy
being a "small cog in the great wheel," passively performing some minor
function that is swallowed up by a large complex operation, your personality
type is especially distressed by losing touch with the over-all impact of your
work.
You are an intuitive person, always scanning the horizon for the possibilities
in any situation, rather than keeping your eyes on the road ahead. This char-
acteristic arms you well to be a discoverer, a visionary. Your interest is in
new ideas, new theories, and you muster a great deal of patience and energy
when it comes to tackling new problems in life.
But, watch out when life forces you to work at a job that makes no demand
on your intuition! Worse yet is one which forces you to make use of your
relatively undeveloped sensing side—making observations, keeping track of
facts and figures! You'll do better to target yourself toward work that in-
volves the big picture, not details, on bold concepts, not precise facts.
An intuitive person with a sensory-type sidekick may achieve more than the
intuitive alone, since facts and details will not be overlooked along the way.
Intuitive workers, such as yourself, are in their glory when the work is chal-
lenging and novel. When you're inspired, you fire up your furnaces and work
with a level of energy and exuberance that staggers the imagination of your
sensing-type co-workers. A new task at hand? A new technique or skill to
master? No problem for you. You will find the time to tackle the most diffi-
cult problem and unravel the most complicated situation.
Then things settle down. You stifle a yawn, while your frazzled co-workers
sigh with relief. While you yearn for the next crisis, they make no effort to
disguise their earnest hope that routine (blessed routine) is re- established as
soon as possible.
Then, one morning, sure as death, you wake up, staring blankly at the ceil-
ing, and you know you've been stricken, once again, by the insidious dark
side of the intuitive enthusiasm: boredom.
You try to fight it, and you deny it to your friends and enemies alike, but the
fact is: you know you don't want to go to work. Your energy's gone, your
spirit's flat, and, once again, you realize you've fallen into one of your slack
periods.
That's part of your style, and you may as well accept it without embarrass-
ment. You run hot and cold, up and down, just as a matter of personality. If
you accept it, acknowledge it, with the same pride you hang on your prob-
lem-solving, high-energy characteristics, you may learn to temper those
down-swings and pull out of them with a bit more style, grace, and profes-
sionalism.
And if you can't modify your behavior, once you understand it as the natural
"flip-side" of the part of you you love best, then maybe you can find an em-
You know the parts I mean: your tendency to hop from humch to hunch,
your habit of not paying enough attention to precision, or your inclination to
worry too little about completing projects or checking your work to be free
from errors of fact.
If and when you find that job, or that employer, or those co-workers, you'll
be valued for the glittering bundle of intuition you provide as a spark to the
humdrum of everyday work life. Otherwise, you may be regarded as a
flighty nuisance: a judgment which shouldn't get you depressed, now that
you know its origin.
You know, just because you're enlightened enough to appreciate both the
"bright" and "dark " sides of your personality, that doesn't necessarily mean
that the rest of the world will share your open acceptance. There will be
times when you will have to face rejection, even open hostility, in order to
remain your own best friend.
The perceptive in you likes diversity in work, has no trouble shifting gears
from one assignment to another, one technique to the next, just so long as
the work doesn't require a lot of decision-making.
Your perceptive quality ensures that you have the ability to be curious, open,
willing to hear all sides of an issue before deciding on a course of action. Of
course, you may find that you tend to keep topics open excessively long;
coming to a decision is almost painful to you. You're a master of the delicate
art of postponement.
Try to calm down when you hear those comments; try to weed out the judg-
mental indignation and see if your occasional critics might not have some-
thing worth considering. After all, you know that there are both positive and
negative aspects correlated with every personality feature, and you are no
exception. Let that perceptive openness lead you to personal revision when
it's in your own best interests.
You value sentiment over logic, in the work place, as in all other aspects of
your life.
You are very sensitive to other people's feelings and needs. You praise oth-
ers' accomplishments, lend a sympathetic ear to their problems, and you try
to avoid being the bearer of bad news or criticism.
Your feeling side can make it difficult to be a supervisor. You care too much
about being well liked and respected to be objective and impersonal in ap-
praising others' performance on the job. Reprimanding an employee you like
is painful, and the prospect of firing someone, without respect for the per-
sonal consequences to the employee's family, would be extremely difficult
for you.
Even in situations which threaten your sentimental nature less directly, you
may often have to battle your tendency to be tactful when the unvarnished
truth is needed. Your need for acceptance may nudge you into acquiescence
when your independent judgment is called for. In an effort to get along with
others, you may let your decisions be swayed by the group spirit, or by per-
sonal considerations which might better be ignored in the interests of impar-
tiality.
You are so keenly aware of others' feelings that the ordinary politics of most
business endeavors causes you anguish and concern. Your working ability—
attitude as well as efficiency—can be crippled by an obvious office feud.
You need harmony to work happily and well.
In teaching, all writing fields and the creative arts, those of your personality
type succeed. In counseling, they achieve their highest marks, partly because
the work satisfies them so totally. They are in their element.
That's why people with your personality are often award-winning sales peo-
ple!
Look out if life corners you into some bureaucratic institution. You'll be in-
terested in people, people-policy-making, institution-fighting, and you'll tend
to ignore rules, procedures, chains of command and such-like. You aren't
likely to survive very long or very happily.
Chances are decent you'll blow yourself right out of a job by getting into a
fight about human factors or protection of the underdog! Your meteoric ca-
reer in a big organization may leave behind you a vapor trail of humanitarian
changes you brought about at the cost of your own employment, and it may
leave you personally scarred and disillusioned.
Life needs people like you. Institutions need people like you, even if they
won't tolerate your presence very long. It's all right to take a whack at a big
organization and come away a bit bruised. The institution may be licking its
wounds, too.
You focus on the possibilities of the people and organizations in your realm
of personal influence. You encourage your associates and subordinates to
strive for their highest levels of personal achievement. Self-actualization is a
goal you recognize both for yourself and others.
As a leader, your style is best characterized as catalytic, and you are never
surprised to find yourself slipping into the role of a charismatic guru for
your associates and subordinates.
You make an effort to represent yourself, your colleagues and your organi-
zation effectively, and you may often find yourself at the forefront, serving
as the group leader or spokesperson. Extraverted EMPATHISTs, in particu-
lar, function well in such a high-visibility position.
You have the potential to excel in public relations, and your personal
warmth and enthusiasm are natural "selling" techniques for any service or
product.
You use reinforcement as a powerful tool in dealing with others. You com-
municate enthusiasm and support as a routine matter in your everyday work-
ing interactions. You are such a conscientious appreciator and admirer be-
cause you need the same thing back from others: superiors and subordinates
alike.
If you work with thinking types, there's no need to tell you that—even at
their peak effort to reinforce your accomplishments—they often miss the
mark.
Being dealt with personally is essential for you. Lack of appreciation for
your unique qualities is discouraging to you, and criticism is difficult for you
to take at anything other than a personal level.
You will always need to be on guard for one of the most destructive snares
for intuitive-feeling managers: feeling unappreciated, undervalued, and
taken for granted. That's how folks like you often "burn out"!
You will need to strive to understand that thinking-type people (of all the
other temperament types) simply do not share your intense value system.
To the extent that you can, you'll be smart to develop your skills at self-
reinforcement and try to seek out support systems from outside sources
(mates and friends), when the appreciation you need isn't forthcoming from
your superiors and colleagues at work.
But even those folks are happiest in small, creative organizations, where in-
dividual needs and aspirations receive continuing attention. In a large im-
personal outfit, sensitive people like yourself may experience continual dis-
tress.
Alas, the ideal may not be a realistic objective for you right now, so let's
look at some of the typical problems which confront the EMPATHIST mid-
level manager in a typical, large, impersonal organization.
First, the personal approach of the EMPATHIST often translates into play-
ing favorites in the business environment: a characteristic which critics,
above or below on the hierarchy, may interpret as unprofessional partiality
and irrational management.
At heart, you're a giver. For those in your favor, you are the definition of
sympathy, self-sacrifice and generosity— so much so that you may com-
promise the business relationship for the sake of friendship.
For example, when you like your boss and your work assignment, you may
see the tasks you perform as a personal service or a favor. Dawns the day
you're assigned a task you don't want to do, or comes the time when you and
your superior have a serious disagreement, you may find it virtually impos-
sible just to follow orders and get the job done.
In the other direction on the hierarchy—when you are wearing the manage-
ment hat—you may find it distressing to deal with insubordination as any-
thing but a personal affront, insult or rejection.
In the kind of bureaucratic battles that plague most large organizations from
time to time, the EMPATHIST's reflexive inclination is to support the un-
derdog: another tendency which can lead to problems for you as a manager.
First of all, your time and energy may be eroded by your kindness, generos-
ity, and compassion. You may find yourself spending large chunks of your
working day counseling dissident workers in your office or letting employ-
ees cry on your shoulder in the hall.
No matter how noble or just the cause, you may draw fire from the organiza-
tion for such misplaced idealism. Long- lasting credibility problems with su-
periors may emerge from such well-intentioned confrontations, and their
negative reactions are doubly painful to you, since, as an EMPATHIST, you
take it all personally.
If your superior lacks your sense of tact and sensitivity, you may hear con-
structive suggestions as attacks, and low- key criticism as hostility.
By the same token, if your subordinates don't think you're wonderful, you
may get your feelings hurt. Effective management sometimes demands tak-
ing unpopular positions.
When your natural abilities as a group facilitator are supported, the EMPA-
THIST is great at monitoring participation, encouraging involvement of all
group members, supporting the expression of differences of opinion while
down-playing conflict, and protecting vulnerable members from exclusion or
hostility.
EMPATHISTs typically feel a strong need to have an input into any decision
that will affect any aspect of their life and work, and any organization that
employs you had better remember to ask your opinion before initiating any
rules, regulations or procedures which will require your cooperation.
You tend to be sociable and well-liked by those who work for and with
you—closely attuned to people's feelings in the day-to-day interactions
within a hierarchy.
Any work that is boring or hum-drum, and any job that curtails your auton-
omy, will quickly do you in.
When you're dealing in your favorite world of the possible, tackling a new
project, creating a new plan, working on a idea, you're the image of energy
and focused concentration. But, when the inevitable routine sets in, or when
the only problems remaining are what seems to be an endless progression of
small, tedious jobs, you may begin to feel bored, claustrophobic, imposed
upon and irritable.
If you can, you may pass the remaining tasks on to someone else. Otherwise,
you'll half-heartedly continue, yawn your way through a slack period of ab-
breviated work days and occasional sick-outs, and—as soon as possible—
take off on a new idea—or a new cause—or a new romance.
As a manager, that tendency can lead to real problems: jobs that stay half-
finished for longer than you'd like to acknowledge; creative fabrications ex-
plaining how correspondence you didn't answer somehow disappeared in the
mail; phone calls you don't want to return, and don't; small problems that
turn into big ones because of neglectful planning, inattentive supervision,
and lackadaisical trouble-shooting.
As a manager, you may need to monitor this tendency in yourself, if it's ever
been a problem for you.
For EMPATHIST employees, that's great! They'll love it, and they'll return
to their tasks with renewed energy and identity with the company and their
fellow workers. They may talk about transforming experiences, eye-opening
insights, and unconditional love for their fellow man.
EMPATHISTs do not seem to realize that sensing types actually enjoy the
predictability of a familiar task and derive peace and comfort from perfect-
ing their skills through practice and repetition. Not surprisingly, then, sens-
ing-type employees may not respond with great warmth to an EMPATHIST
manager's continual "improvements" of their procedures, schedules, assign-
ments and such.
This is only one of the many ways in which the EMPATHIST manager dis-
plays the darker stripes of the intuitive: intolerant and unappreciative of the
preferences of sensing employees. In one form or another, this particular
blind spot may be the EMPATHIST manager's most serious problem in most
work situations.
Make it a point to compliment outfits which come closest to the needs of the
work place or the task. EMPATHISTs are sensitive to such differential
praise, and, given a few well-placed hints, you'll probably find that the subtle
message hits its mark!
In all situations, bear in mind that intuitive-feeling types love praise and ap-
proval. They'll work to earn your favor. An intelligent manager makes use of
this characteristic and always minimizes overt criticism of the EMPATHIST
employee. Even when the critical comments are prefaced by the request that
the employee not "take it personally," understand that the EMPATHIST will,
anyway!
Don't expect those negative feelings to be set aside for the sake of work. It
won't happen. Assign EMPATHIST employees to work with those they like,
whenever practical. Harmony at work leads to productivity, whenever EM-
PATHISTs are concerned.
Ask the EMPATHIST to help you out when you need to understand the ba-
sis of office discontent, alliances and feuds. The EMPATHIST knows!
But, keep reminding yourself that the EMPATHIST's opinions are not nec-
essarily logical or objective, and that the cast of characters in the office may
appear to be dressed in a rainbow of colors, rather than in black and white,
when seen through the EMPATHIST's eyes!
In fact, if both parties can be educated to understand the sources of their in-
evitable interpersonal conflict, and if both are willing to work on the rela-
tionship, the alliance of an EMPATHIST and an thinking-type
(SJ)LEGALIST is difficult to beat for effective and sensitive management.
But the relationship will require work and commitment on both sides, and
the alliance may benefit by engaging a third party, trusted by both, to act as a
consultant and mediator, from time to time.
Then, too, the fact that intuitives are so dramatically outnumbered by sensors
in the overall population prepares them to recognize their like features and
greet each other as long-lost kin.
The EMPATHIST often will be hurt and confused by the (NT) ANALYST
counterpart's lack of personal sensitivity and warmth—or by an inconsis-
The (NT)ANALYST may pass over the first signs that the EMPATHIST is
different. But, eventually, the thinker may unabashedly accuse the feeler of
logical lapses or not thinking clearly. In time, the (NT)ANALYST may ex-
press discomfort in collaborating with the EMPATHIST and may question
the feeler's intelligence.
But, bear in mind as a manager that a feeling of mutual betrayal may remain.
Even after both types have come to recognize the nature of their different
stripes, the history of conflict and rejection may poison the interaction.
EMPATHISTs start projects well, but finish them poorly. This is particularly
true of perceptive-types.
Don't worry: it'll return as soon as the system's recharged, refilled and re-
stored. And that process can be speeded along by a manager who under-
stands that intuitives run hot and cold, just as matter of style.
By all means, utilize the EMPATHIST's flair for writing, speech, drama and
communication in the employee newsletter or house publication. Assign
EMPATHISTs to initiate employee parties and gatherings.
Don't demand logical, linear thinking from EMPATHISTs. Accept the fact
that a graphic depiction of an EMPATHIST's decision tree resembles a
bushy shrub, blooming with people-concerns, and that the EMPATHIST's
thought process may hop from branch to branch in ways which baffle most
thinker-types. Even the most organized judging EMPATHISTs live in a
world nearly beyond the imagination of all the other types.
Congratulations for using your head in affairs of the heart, and for getting a
little analytical about those all-important parts of life that many abandon to
chance and pure emotion: affection and close relationships: CONNEC-
TIONS!
Times come and go. Wars erupt and fizzle. Nations rise and fall. But man's
essential and undeniable biology decrees that the most important questions
of life have to do with mating. They always have. They always will.
As a culture, we expect more from love than ever before. Ironically, we also
expect less.
Not so today. Now, we demand that love keep us happy, fill our needs for
sexual excitement and satisfaction, creature comfort, friendship, fun, intel-
lectual stimulation, security and companionship. Somewhere along the way,
our drive for reproduction still comes into the picture, too.
And, now, when our relationships fail to meet these complex needs, we dis-
solve them and go searching for a new mate. Like the Mad Hatter's tea party
in Alice in Wonderland, we leave our dirty dishes behind us and move to a
fresh table setting. "Clean cups! Move down!"
Opposites Attract
Let's start with an obvious cliche: opposites attract. They do. Or, in more
understandable terms: complements attract. People often are drawn to what
they are not.
To some extent, this yearning for one's opposite may stem from a deep-
seated feeling of rejection: that there's obviously something wrong with us,
and, thus, we search for someone "better" or more perfect.
To the extent that thinking-type people have been nagged and criticized for
not being emotionally sensitive or "in touch with their feelings," so thinkers
may be drawn toward feeling-type mates.
To the degree that intuitives feel deficient for lacking a solid sense of real-
ity—a firm here-and-now perspective on the world—then they may be at-
tracted toward sensing types.
And when extraverts come to believe what their critics say: that they are
boisterous, unreflecting, chatty, and superficial, they may decide that they
need an introverted mate.
And, of course, the pressures also apply in reverse on all of these dimen-
sions!
Keirsey and Bates dubbed this process "the Pygmalion project," and the
analogy with George Bernard Shaw's play is aptly drawn. If we find our-
selves cast in the role of
Dr. Henry Higgins, doggedly nagging our Eliza Doolittle partner, we can bet
that the relationship isn't long for this world—or that it isn't destined to be
very happy!
So, opposites may attract, but the relationship may not be a lasting one
unless both partners continue to appreciate each other for the differences
which drew them together in the first place!
If Leslie is a quiet type who enjoys classical music and reading every eve-
ning, what could be better than spending time with Bo, whose tastes are
similar?
But there are hazards, too, in like-attracts-like coupling. Two introverts may
become totally reclusive. Two extraverts may wear each other out. Two in-
tuitives may never attend to the details of life, and so on.
It makes no sense to take a hard and fast stand on whether you'll be happiest
paired with your opposite or with your personality twin. You be the judge.
The objective of this profile is to help you become a bit more analytical
about your relationships. Learn to recognize the individual differences which
are important for your mating style. Understand how these differences may
have affected your past relationships and your present ones.
And then use that knowledge to your benefit as you move forward with your
love life!
Hopefully, this learning will help you become a bit more accepting of your-
self and your partners, and a bit more responsible for the happiness of your
life.
Now, we don't suggest that you turn into a balance-sheet lover, jotting down
the assets and liabilities of each potential partner. But we do believe that dif-
ferences in personal style are important in assessing the long-term outcome
of love relationships, so you'd best go into them with your eyes wide open.
With more insight about your loving style, you may be able to trade in your
maladaptive feelings of victimization and persecution for some good-natured
acceptance of the fact that different people behave in predictably different
ways.
With more insight you may see that any loving connection that's based on
the notion that one or both people must sacrifice their individuality to make
the relationship work is no bargain for either party.
"Live and let live!" is the motto of the day, in love as in all interpersonal re-
lationships.
Now let's take a look at your personal CONNECTIONS profile and the pre-
dictable ups and downs of your interactions with other personality types.
Relationships are the central concern for the existence of the intuitive feeling
(EMPATHIST) temperament. Values are what matter in life.
The EMPATHIST hopes to find a partner to share life's journey. The EM-
PATHIST seeks a fellow pilgrim open enough and flexible enough to en-
counter self and mate without pretense or facade, to embrace the unfolding
process without reservation, to love unconditionally, to accept another to-
tally and to be accepted in return.
Joan of Arc was an EMPATHIST. They thought she was crazy and they
burned her at the stake. EMPATHISTs: take this as a serious harbinger of
the fate that befalls you idealistic souls who search for a flawless relation-
ship, especially with any of the other temperaments!
The EMPATHIST's conflicts with all the other types will revolve around
definitions of the words relationship and love. The EMPATHIST's meaning
for these terms is central to the EMPATHIST identity. The EMPATHIST's
frustration and pain over missed communications and hurt feelings are to-
tally incomprehensible to all the other types.
A chronically broken heart is a way of life for many searching, seeking EM-
PATHISTs.
To EMPATHISTs, love is such a roller coaster that other types must wonder
if the "goin' up is worth the comin' down," but that's the way passion oper-
ates among these temperamental types. These are the relationships that F.
Scott Fitzgerald heralded.
With such change comes a sense of excitement, aliveness, newness; with it,
also, comes some degree of turmoil and discomfort.
Growth is the goal, the process, the pitfall and the glory of EMPATHIST-
EMPATHIST matings.
One of the first major adjustments that occurs in most EMPATHIST pairings
is that one (or both) of them appears to change type. The one who's less
gung-ho as an intuitive may be transformed into an (SP)REALIST or an
(SJ)LEGALIST. The one whose preference for feeling is less strong may
take on the robes of the "thinker." Pretty soon, you might be hard-pressed to
recognize them as EMPATHISTS.
Then, you can bet, one or both feels compromised, dishonest with the inner
self, and resentful of the other and of the relationship. "The grass is always
greener" phenomenon may strike particularly hard when two EMPATHISTS
try to carry on a long-term relationship.
Ah, but in its moments of glory, the EMPATHIST couple is the stuff of
which sonnets are written! Since communication skills are peak for this tem-
perament, speech and writing about love's ups and downs are likely to be
part of the relationship: poems, notes, letters, and heartfelt telephone conver-
sations may punctuate the days and nights.
As one EMPATHIST woman put it: "We have our hard times, sure, but we
have times together when we breathe in rhythm; I feel his thoughts. I hurt
with him. I sense his joy. And he's capable of feeling me the same way. We
can tell each other our deepest thoughts. I wouldn't trade that kind of con-
nection for anything!"
But, when the magic needs a tune-up, the dark side of that EMPATHIST
sensitivity may rear its head. Suspicion, paranoia, hypersensitivity, and
other products of runaway imagination may pollute every interaction, color
every communication.
"Somehow, she got the impression that I was having an affair. I wasn't. I
told her I wasn't. Then she got angry because she could accept the fact that
there was another person, but not the fact that I was lying. Except there was-
n't another person, and I wasn't lying.
"For one crazy minute, I thought it might be easier to lie, tell her I was hav-
ing an affair—that she was right—and make her feel better. But I didn't, be-
cause I don't like to lie to her!
The innocent NF man returned home to find that his NF spouse had chopped
off all her raven-black hair in revenge. For nothing.
First of all, the partner whose preference for intuition is stronger may see the
other as a sensor! And the partner who's most comfortable with "pure" feel-
ing may regard the other as a hard-hearted thinking type.
By the same token, introverted EMPATHISTS may find their need for
peace, privacy, and personal territory continually violated by extraverted
EMPATHISTS, whose requests for socializing, contact, conversation, com-
pliments and other strokes and feedback are frustrated by introverted part-
ners.
Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for in-
teraction are so different.
Even if this pair shares its introversion or extraversion, and even if both are
judging and feeling, the personality differences between the EMPATHIST
and LEGALIST temperaments are worth examining.
This is a combination which offers challenges for both parties, but these two
may form a powerful team if they learn to work together and if they ever
come to understand that they will never see the world through each other's
eyes, and they aren't likely ever to remake each other into a carbon copy of
the self!
To the sensing-judging type, life and duty are synonymous. Work plays an
important part in the picture.
To the LEGALIST, work is work. You do it right and on time and you get
paid for your contribution, and the well-oiled machine of society cranks on.
The EMPATHIST believes that caring and acceptance and flexibility are
what's required to make the world run smoothly. EMPATHISTs don't see
world crises as anything other than the multiplication of individual relation-
ship problems. EMPATHISTs believe that love and acceptance of others can
move mountains.
To a LEGALIST, that view is unsupported fiction, a nice fairy tale, but to-
tally unrealistic. And, the LEGALIST hastens to point out, fairy tales don't
make the mortgage payment!
For the LEGALIST, this seems necessary, because the EMPATHIST shows,
again and again, that inattention to detail is a basic feature of the EMPA-
THIST personality, and that thinking is not a comfortable mode of function-
ing for this mate.
The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't think that punctuality
is terribly critical, in general, and the LEGALIST knows that something as
boring and impersonal as bill-paying may just slip the EMPATHIST's atten-
tion until a payment is long overdue.
The LEGALIST knows that the EMPATHIST doesn't like to balance the
checkbook, even though judging EMPATHISTs are more likely to force
themselves to attend to such matters. The LEGALIST knows that the EM-
PATHIST might overdraw the account—not by self-indulgence—but by
picking up an expensive present for the (frustrated and sometimes unappre-
ciative) LEGALIST mate!
The thinking LEGALIST, particularly, can parent the EMPATHIST into be-
coming even more irresponsible, even less conscientious, since the LEGAL-
LEGALISTs may agree with EMPATHISTs that expenditures for the home
are important, and that durable, good-quality pieces should be selected, to be
carefully maintained for as long as possible.
But, in general, LEGALISTs favor saving money over spending it, and there
are times when the EMPATHIST will regard the LEGALIST as stingy, too
conservative, and not at all giving and generous.
The LEGALIST is a bit of a pessimist, always looking for the worst to hap-
pen and conscientiously planning against that dark day. EMPATHISTs are
not security-minded, as a rule, and they tend to save little as a nest egg or a
rainy-day fund.
Attitudes about EDUCATION may come into conflict between the EMPA-
THIST and the LEGALIST.
LEGALISTs work hard at school, finish, and apply what they've learned to
earn a living--and their attitude is often: “the sooner the better!”
EMPATHIST: Yes, and I've just found this wonderful sociology professor.
Intuitives enjoy the company of other intuitives. They stick together, if only
for their own protection! Other intuitives validate their basis of perception,
of knowledge.
Other intuitives accept the value of theory, even if they can't understand or
agree with a particular one. Intuitives have a tolerance for speculation,
imagination and ideas per se, whether or not they carry the promise of a fi-
nancial pay-off.
Many intuitives equate intelligence with education and, thus, seek mates
who have amassed credits, degrees and credentials.
It's a rare adult EMPATHIST who hasn't been nagged and criticized by a
parent, friend, lover or spouse about their lack of logic—their blatant igno-
rance of the fact that this is a facts-and-figures world.
The EMPATHIST's logic (and illogic!) may, at first, seem refreshing and
unconventional to the ANALYST. The EMPATHIST's warm personal style
and sensitive attention to others' emotional concerns may impress an ANA-
LYST as suave and effective.
The EMPATHIST, who will put forth super-human effort to ensure that the
ANALYST's friends are well-treated, will be frustrated by the lack of recip-
rocation on the part of the mate when the EMPATHIST's circle of friends is
being entertained.
A major conflict for the EMPATHIST and ANALYST concerns the ANA-
LYST's obsessive identification of life with work. The ANALYST regards
work as the central focus of life, a driving and uncompromising task-master.
The EMPATHIST may well see the ANALYST mate as being "married" to
the job, and this evaluation isn't far from accurate!
It is hard for the EMPATHIST to understand that relationships just aren't ter-
ribly important to many ANALYSTs, except as a cushion, a backdrop, a
comforting and consoling "R and R" retreat from temporary set-backs and
disappointments at work.
And then there’s the matter of SEX. ANALYSTs often have to struggle
with the EMPATHIST’s need for romance and, well, adoration, as part of
the mating ritual. Hurt feelings can be a way of life in this relationship
unless differences in “style” can be addressed in an affirmative way. The
EMPATHIST may have to learn to expect less. The ANALYST may have
to give more. Fair’s fair.
How does the ANALYST run away from a relationship that's pressing in on
all sides, distracting the creative process from the endless stream of intellec-
tual talks at hand? You guessed it! The ANALYST gets buried in work,
comes home late or not at all, and drops into bed exhausted (too exhausted,
if you catch my meaning!).
And both the REALIST and the EMPATHIST experience "let downs" in
their work.
The EMPATHIST burns out periodically and goes through a low-energy re-
covery cycle until that intuitive fire is rekindled. The REALIST may just
quit doing whatever when the impulse fades. Then the REALIST goes off
and does something else.
The REALIST is a different breed. The REALIST has a good time not work-
ing. To the REALIST, when work is self-selected play, it's OK. When work
Most EMPATHISTs don't know how to separate their identities from their
mission in life, and few EMPATHISTs share the REALIST's concept of
WORK AND PLAY.
When the EMPATHIST and the REALIST pair up, you can bet that this dif-
ference in their attitudes may loom large in the relationship's problems.
REALISTs play to play. REALISTs don't play so they can retrieve the
memory of the play—although they certainly do remember every last detail
of a great camping trip, a tense baseball game, or an exciting skiing week-
end. The REALIST enjoys people, sure. The REALIST is the master of ca-
maraderie, fellowship, fraternity. But the REALIST deals with the people as
part of the fun.
REALIST: Well, no. We just wanted to do some hiking. You know you
don't like to hike.
EMPATHIST: But, I've been looking forward to spending this weekend with
you. I don't think we've been spending enough time with each other and it's
hurting our relationship. I want to know you better. I want to understand
your feelings...
REALIST: Feelings! There you go again! I'm going hiking with Lee.
The REALIST type may get bored with the EMPATHIST's continual analy-
sis of what everything means, the endless search for significance in every
comment, every glance, every gesture, every silence.
The word feelings may become so contaminated that it becomes a trigger for
both mates of everything that's wrong with the relationship.
Even if this pair mates in a relatively stable relationship, it's unlikely that the
EMPATHIST will ever be completely satisfied with romance, REALIST-
style.
To be sure, if both are feelers and share their extraverted or introverted atti-
tudes, they improve their chances of compatibility over the long haul of the
relationship, but—since one is a sensor and the other an intuitive—each in-
validates the very basis of the other’s reality!
The REALIST can get excited about instruction, but only if the course is
about print-making, scuba diving, pottery, skiing, tennis or golf—or maybe
if the topic is real estate or stock market investments. And the REALIST
does read, but usually about business or money-making, crafts, hobbies,
clothes, cars, sports, travel, romance, mystery or adventure. From many
EMPATHISTs’ viewpoint, these are poor examples of personal enrichment
programs.
The REALIST's circle of friends, selected reflexively for their "go get 'em"
participation in common activities, will probably impress the EMPATHIST
as "not very deep." "They never discuss anything beyond the here-and-now,"
the EMPATHIST may say critically.
Life with the REALIST may be a totally draining experience for the spiritu-
ally focused EMPATHIST. Especially the thinker-type REALIST simply
has no understanding of the EMPATHIST's needs for connection, harmony,
appreciation and attention, and—without intending to do so—the REALIST
may continually tread on the EMPATHIST's tender feelings.
Needless to say, these conflicts are most pronounced when the REALIST is
a thinker type and the EMPATHIST is a judging type. Then there may be
real fireworks!
Especially the introverted and judging EMPATHIST may find the REAL-
IST’s sexual spontaneity a challenge. (“In the elevator!?” you may eaves-
drop.)
Prior to the development of The Insight Game, determining your four pref-
erences typically involved the use of paper-and-pencil psychological testing,
usually the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (the MBTI)™Consulting Psy-
chologists Press. While Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs' contributions to
the development of Type-Temperament Theory cannot be overstated, using
their psychological test posed practical and ethical problems in terms of
helping people discover their personality type.
Myers and Briggs tried to assuage people's fears by calling the instrument an
"indicator," rather than a "test." They explained that there are no right or
wrong answers to the questions on the MBTI: that all types are equally good.
But people did not necessarily believe those protestations when they saw a
booklet of questions, a computer-scorable answer sheet and a sharpened
pencil sitting on the desk waiting for them. They remained intimidated. That
intimidation, in turn, caused many to answer the questions cautiously and
Some people abused the MBTI, assuming that the portrait of personality it
provided represented a comprehensive view of the individual. But Type-
Temperament Theory never was intended to be used in that way. It makes
no effort to describe people's intelligence, abilities, drive, ethics, or mental
balance—and all of these contribute to the overall view of personality.
Some organizations used the MBTI to rule people out of particular positions
in the working world. Type-Temperament Theory wasn't meant to be used
in that way either, even though it can provide some valuable insights into
how an individual will approach a particular job or task.
By the same token, recognizing the personality type of a consultant you are
considering engaging will help you decide pro or con with your eyes wide
open as to key behaviors he or she is likely to exhibit over the course of the
relationship.
In too many businesses the MBTI has been abused by pigeon-holing people,
reducing their individuality to a four-letter code. In the worst cases, mis-
guided human resources specialists actually forced all the people in a busi-
ness or team to take the instrument and then summarized the group with only
a sixteen-celled chart. Such "type charts" are incredibly useful and informa-
tive to groups learning about Type-Temperament Theory, but, by them-
selves, they scarcely describe the humanity of the people or the particular
challenges facing them as a group.
Goethe said:
'Whatever you can do,
or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius,
power and magic in it.'