COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS – HAVE WE LOST THIS ABILITY?

by Sophia Serret

“Once a human being arrives on this earth,
communication is the largest single factor
determining what kinds of relationships he makes
with others and what happens to him in the world
around him” Virginia Satir, Peoplemaking. As
human beings, we cannot not communicate.
1. The communication process
D.E. McFarland has defined communication as
the process by which meanings are perceived and
understandings are reached among human
beings.
Even when we don’t utter any sound we
communicate something about ourselves. If
communication is an intrinsic part of who we are
as human beings, with the advent of technology
which has drastically changed the way we
communicate, have we lost our ability to relate to
others? Understanding the communication
process and the reasons for communicating, as
well as the para-verbal and non-verbal elements
of communication gives us an insight into
comprehending why there is often a disconnect
between what we say and what the receiver/s
understand of what we say.

Perceptual filters: Perceptual filters:

Values Values
Beliefs FEEDBACK Beliefs
Thoughts/feelings Thoughts/feelings

DECODE

COMMUNICATION BARRIERS
ENCODE
COMMUNICATION BARRIERS

Sender(s) Receiver(s)
Intent Impact

E D
N E
C C
O O
D D
E E
MESSAGE
The communication process starts with one or
more senders who have the intent of sending a
message using a channel to one or more receivers.
The act of communicating involves using verbal,
nonverbal, and para-verbal elements. The verbal
element refers to the content of our message ‚ the
choice and arrangement of our words. The
nonverbal element refers to the message we send
through our body language. The para-verbal
element refers to how we say what we say - the
tone, pacing and volume of our voices.
The message has an impact on the receiver(s).
Both sender and receiver have perceptual filters
stemming from their personalities, values, beliefs,
thoughts and feelings at the time the message was
sent. These perceptual filters add to the
communication barriers that adversely impact on
the communication process.
There are 5 communication pitfalls that impact on
our ability to communicate:
1. Believing that the receiver will decode the
message exactly the same way it was encoded
by the sender
2. As the sender of the message, not confirming
the feedback encoded by the receiver
3. Attempting to encode and decode a message at
the same time
4. Underestimating the meaning and power of
para-verbal and non-verbal components of
communication
5. Not attempting to remove as much as possible
the barriers to communication
When we communicate, we have various goals in
mind that we want to achieve.
2. Communication goals
The goals we want to achieve when we
communicate are grouped into 6 categories.
No matter for what reasons we communicate,
there are always a combination of verbal, non-
verbal and para-verbal elements in our
communication.
To obtain & give
information To change
behaviours
To socialize &
To get action
make contacts
To persuade and To ensure
motivate understanding
3. Non-verbal and para-verbal elements of
your communication
Has it ever occurred to you how much you are
saying to people even when you are not
speaking? Unless you are a master of disguise,
you are constantly sending messages about your
true thoughts and feelings whether you are using
words or not. You cannot not communicate.
Non-verbal elements of communication
The power of nonverbal communication cannot
be underestimated. In his book, Silent Messages,
Professor Albert Mehrabian says the messages
we send through our posture, gestures, eye
contact, facial expression, and proxemics account
for 55% of what is perceived and understood by
others.
 Postures & Gestures - Our body postures
can create a feeling of warm openness or cold
rejection.
 Eye contact – The eyes are particularly
expressive in telegraphing joy, sadness, anger,
or confusion. When you are looking at the
other person, you show interest. When you
fail to make eye contact, you give the
impression that the other person is of no
importance. Maintaining eye contact about
60% of the time showcases interest.
 Facial expression - The face is perhaps the
most important conveyor of emotional
information. A face can light up with
enthusiasm, energy, and approval; express
confusion or boredom, and scowl with
displeasure. A smile sends a positive message
and is appropriate in all but a life and death
situation. Smiling adds warmth and an aura of
confidence.
 Proximity (proxemics) - refers to the
amount of space that individuals naturally
maintain between each other. Sociologists
report four territorial zones: intimate space
(up to 1 1/2 feet), personal space (1 to 2 1/2
feet), social space (4 to 7 feet), and public
space (10 feet or more).
 Appearance - The image an individual
projects and the objects surrounding that
person can communicate nonverbally.
Clothing, for example, tells a great deal about
an individual's status, occupation, self-image,
and aspirations.
Para-verbal elements of communication
Para verbal communication refers to the
messages that we transmit through the tone,
pitch, and pacing of our voices. It is how we say
something, not what we say. Professor
Mehrabian states that the para-verbal element of
our messages accounts for approximately 38% of
what is communicated to someone. A sentence
can convey entirely different meanings
depending on the emphasis on words and the
tone of voice. For example, the statement, "I
didn't say you were stupid" has six different
meanings, depending on which word is
emphasized.
Some points to remember about our para-verbal
communication:
- When we are angry or excited, our speech tends
to become more rapid and higher pitched.
- When we are bored or feeling down, our
speech tends to slow down and take on a
monotone quality.
- When we are feeling defensive, our speech is
often abrupt.
According to the British Audio-Visual
Association, we remember:
- 90% of the things we say and do at the
same time
- 80% of the things we say
- 50% of the things we see and hear
- 30% of the things we see
- 20% of the things we hear
- 10% of the things we read
The studies of Professor Mehrabian have shed a
lot of light on our understanding of the elements
making up our messages. Does knowing the
percentage distribution of those elements make
us better communicators? Of course, they do;
but also knowing the barriers to effective
communication improves considerably your
ability to communicate.
4. Barriers to communication
A barrier to communication is something that
keeps meanings from meeting”. Reuel Howe,
Theologian and Educator. Those barriers exist at
every step of the communication process:
- Encoding barriers
- Transmitting barriers
- Decoding barriers
- Responding barriers
As the sender of the message, you need to be
aware of all the barriers that impact on your
message and work at removing them as much as
possible. Many of these barriers can be overcome
through active listening.
Source:
Mehrabian, Albert (1971). Silent Messages (1st ed.).
Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
British Audio Visual Association