LOVE IN THE BEGINNING

By: Shah Jamal Hashmi

When at first I experienced Love, I denounced it as a corrupted feeling trying to

shatter my long practiced beliefs. I felt deviated, my mind in conflict with my
heart. My heart was weak. Mind took over that first feeling, and I was back to
the world.

What led me to that thought or feeling of love, I do not know. But what I
experienced was definitely linked to my mind as well. And later it was the same
mind which denounced love. What are these dual thoughts in the same mind?

A single feeling generated from the heart leads to emotions, exaggeration of the
‘hidden feeling of Love’. Love is neglected in those emotions. Then again, what
was that feeling of Love?

Love is lost in thoughts or emotions. The sanctuary of Love lies under the
‘bridge’ of mind and heart. There it is where ‘Soul’ dwells. Whenever a passerby
thought walks on this bridge, the soul appears from the shade and asks it,
‘where are you coming from, and where do you intend to go? If you have come
this far all alone, let me accompany you on the path of ‘Self’ to the ‘spiritual
world’. Beloved is waiting for you there.’

If the traveler thought is adult and mature it accepts the invitation of the soul. At
this acceptance, the beautiful maidens of thoughts in the spiritual world begin to
dance. Stage is set for the new guest for its performance in front of all
the audience, because each entrant in the spiritual world always has
something new to offer. Word is sent to the Beloved to greet the ‘messenger’
thought.

While the festival is being set in the spiritual world, there is a long way for the
new friends to travel for reaching that world. They have to pass through the path
of ‘Self’. It is a complicated way. Many a thoughts have lost their ways in this
quest. One wrong step on this path leads to a never-ending maze. Soul does not
keep an eye on the follower, it only leads the way. Everything has a heart and
mind, even a thought.

In the beginning on the path of self, there is a beautiful house of ‘ego’. Soul
warns its inexperienced friend about the destruction this house has caused to
other travelers. It seems so amusing, even a thoughtful thought is delicately
captured. Appealing is the illusion of pride in the mirror of self. Inside this
house are toiled and defeated thoughts trying to escape from the window, but in
vain, further destroying themselves in an illusionist hope. A wise thought does
not even go near this house of utter disappointment.

Once passed the house of ego, there is a vast garden of beauty. Soul advises the
thought not to stay here for long, and quickly move on. This garden shows the
travelers a very ugly picture of beauty. Staying here would only waste time and
also dull the emotions with which they are moving to meet the Beloved.
Everything here is the introduction. The flowers here are unreal, seeming real. If
a traveler stops here, it goes into unnecessary details of the carving of these
flowers bearing with them the secret of nothingness. There is not a sign of a bee
in the garden of beauty which produces honey from the same flowers.

Getting passed the long garden, the tired thought searches for a drink. For this
very point, Beloved has arranged a Tavern for its guests. The soul accompanies
the thought to get refreshed for the journey ahead. A drink for the glimpse of
the spiritual world. Soul tells the thought in clear words, ‘behold O thought in
search of Truth. The drink you will have now in that Tavern will be something
beyond expression. You will find a glimpse of the Real intoxication of Love. But
do not be content at just a glimpse. Your destiny is not here.’ As the friends
open the door of the tavern, they see a million other thoughts, drunk completely.
Not knowing the difference between themselves and others. Each thought calling
every other thought its Beloved, so right but so wrong. They are dancing without
preparation. Did you see those maidens of thought in the spiritual world, how
elegant their dance?

Soul asks the traveler thought after a glass of intoxicating wine, ‘come on get up,
not a glass more. When completely drunk you lose respect of the Beloved, forget
his name in yours.’ The thought replies, ‘I have never experienced such
intoxication which lifts the curtains of the real and the unreal, Being and Non-
Being, Creator and Creation, Time and Timelessness. Come hither Oh soul and
get drunk. What more do you desire. This state is the state of Truth we had
been talking about. This is the spiritual world and there is the Beloved behind
that curtain of the counter. Let me go and find Him.’ The Soul smiles like a
mother at the mature talk of her child. But also has to tell it that it’s in infancy.
Soul replies in these words, ‘what you believe is that Beloved is behind those
curtains. Go on lift that curtain, and you’ll see another in the dark. You’ll keep on
moving until there is complete darkness in there with no curtain and no Beloved.
But drunk, you’ll assume Beloved is with you.’ At hearing this, a wise thought
silently gets up, leaves the ignorant drunkards and follows the Soul.

At this point, tiredness is completely absorbed in the willingness of meeting with

the Beloved. Soul no longer a stranger, the two friends move on dancing and
singing. The thought now asks the Soul, ‘I have always bowed down to your
advice. But now I think I do not need you anymore. Spiritual world seems to be
nearby.’ At hearing this Soul again gives a smile and says, ‘go on, may you meet
with the Beloved alone.’ And it disappears in the shadows.

Left alone, the worried thought feels fear for the first time. The path which
seemed full of joy till now seemed barren. Afraid of moving forward a single
step, it moves backward a little and sees the tavern at a distance. Here it realizes
the first house of Ego it did not go near, left an image in the thought’s mind. It
could not comprehend how a single glimpse of this house, even after so long
journey could overtake its mind. And ask its guide to leave. ‘How foolish of me to
keep that ugly image in my mind for so long, though hidden, it is hideous in its
attacks.’ And it begins to search for the soul again.

The soul now reappears from the shadows and not a word uttered. The thought
has now realized the importance of silence. Here is the beginning of mysticism,
‘silence’.

With Sun on there heads and shadows lost, an invisible power in them lifts them
upwards. That feeling of joy transcends all intoxications. With hand in hand both
know the reality of each other, but speak of it not. Moving upward, both bow
down to each other, and when they face down, the thought sees an amazing
scene. That path, which seemed long enough, was looking shorter and shorter
from such height. The real meaning of Time and timelessness was now revealed
to it. It lifts its head and looks at the Soul from a different eye, and now the real
meaning of real and unreal was revealed to it.

While rising high, the thought asks, ‘what is this mystic music my dear Soul, I
have never heard such beautiful sound before. Never did I find the laugh of a
child so enchanting, or a Takbeer from a Muezzin so engrossing. Why is this
sorrow overcoming me in extreme joy?’
‘Joy wears the silken cloth of sorrow to hide itself from the fools trying
to find joy in happiness’ said the soul with a sigh. ‘These sounds of music you
hear are the language of the spiritual world. Words have a start and end, but
these sounds do not. Infinite is the meaning of this language.’ The aura of
mystic music fills the air in the unseen skies, all the figureless sounds pointing
towards an upward direction.

Now is the beginning of the spiritual world. Beautiful thoughts circling around
that world’s entrance gather and create a shadow around the spiritual world.
They know thought is not yet prepared to see the spiritual world in all its glory,
its shine and its beauty. They greet the friends and ask, ‘finally the moment of
meeting has come with the Beloved? Our friend Soul, accompany us inside’. A
few other maidens of thought take the soul inside. Left alone again, the traveler
thought asks, ‘why do you leave me alone after so long a journey, I have
traveled all the way to meet the Beloved, and now you stop me here. You selfish
soul, why’? the soul replies, ‘You have passed all the tests with vigor. Now
you are ready to return.’
Hearing this, the thought feels sorrow. ‘In vain was my willingness to meet with
the Beloved. This sorrow was my destiny since the beginning’? Now it starts to
contemplate on the words of the soul ‘Joy wears the silken cloth of sorrow
to hide itself from the fools trying to find joy in happiness’. Sorrowfully
joyous, bewildered, the thought has found the answer. Madness takes over the
thoughtful thought, and it hurries back. Back to the illusionist world it comes,
returns to the mind. The physical existence of the Lover is now ‘Spiritual’.

A part of Beloved is the Lover, only if it believes that way. With a renewed
emotional thought, Lover closes His eyes. Thinks with his heart and feels with his
mind. He hears a voice within, ‘Come to me. I am waiting for You in the
Spiritual world. Your thought cannot see me, nor can you imagine me.
Come now. Now you know the way to the spiritual world. Now there
will be no shadow and no coverings.’

Lover with his eyes closed, moves on the same path of self, now finds the House
of ego completely barren. Does not spend time in the garden of beauty, as time
has a different meaning now. Tavern does not attract him anymore.

Hearing the familiar music, the Lover generates millions of beautiful thoughts in
the skies. There in the front is the shining Spiritual world. ‘Ah how good, how
beautiful, how marvelous this world is.’ The soul is standing at the entrance,
smiling, to greet the old companion, complete. ‘You have been called behind the
curtains. Beloved is waiting for you there’.

Entering the spiritual festival, the beautiful thoughts ask the Lover to share his
experience on the stage. But the Lover’s eyes are looking for something else.
While the lover’s eyes are moist with passion of fiery love, desperation
overcomes him and he is bewildered. He starts circling round and round putting
his hands on his heart. Then unconsciously putting one hand upward and the
other downward. While he is dancing selflessly, a voice from behind the curtains
of the stage calls, ‘Here I am’. The lover stops whirling. The festival has seized.
The thoughts have vanished. The soul has gone into hiding. ‘Is this the state of
Being or Non-Being?’

The lover turns toward the curtain, lifts it up. Silence.

*****