Your Top 10 Sex Questions Answered

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., Special to BET.com

Question #1: At what age should we start talking to our children about sex? My 6-year-
old asked me about sex, and I didn't know how to respond to the question. How do I
explain sex to a baby?

The Doctor: Parents should start talking about sex with their children as soon as the
child begins to ask questions, and certainly no later than age 8. The fact that your 6-
year-old daughter asked you about sex means that she has overheard someone,
perhaps at school, discuss sex. She may also have heard the many sexually explicit
songs that are played on the radio, or watched a sex scene on television.

Our children are exposed to graphic sexual images and messages everyday. How
wonderful that she came to you for the information. Grab this opportunity to teach her
not only about sex and relationships, but also your values. Begin with a discussion about
male and female body parts. Be sure to use the correct anatomic names like vagina,
vulva, and penis. You can then describe sex as an adult activity. Let her know that her
body is private, special, and her own.

To protect her from abuse, tell her that she should tell you if someone tries to touch her
vagina or vulva. Having a discussion early is especially important for African-American
girls. Our girls develop earlier than most, with some girls developing breasts and pubic
hair as early as age 7 or 8, and menstrual periods at age 9 years.

Question #2: What is a "g-spot"?

The Doctor: The G-spot was first described in ancient Indian and Chinese texts, and was
called the "sacred spot." Hundreds of years later, a German gynecologist named Dr.
Ernest Grafenberg described the location of this sensitive area of the vagina and the
name "G-spot" was coined.

The G-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina, mid-way between the top of the
vagina and the opening of the vagina. Some researchers feel that the G-spot is the
female equivalent of the prostate gland in the male. Though every woman has a G-spot,
not all women experience pleasure when this area is stroked or stimulated.

Question #3: Hello doc! Does what you eat or drink have an affect on what your body
fluids taste like?

The Doctor: Yes, everything that you eat or drink can have an affect on what your body
fluids taste like. Foods like fresh fruits and vegetables make body fluids taste best. The
exceptions are onions, garlic and asparagus ? all cause secretions to develop a less
than pleasant taste. Likewise, eating lots of meat, drinking alcohol, and smoking
cigarettes or marijuana can cause your body fluids to be unpleasant.

Question #4: After sex recently, my partner's condom was stuck inside of me, and I
couldn't get it out. After calling my doctor, he insisted that I try to use a disposable
douche and if that didn't work, to come and see him. I did eventually get it out by using
the douche, but this was after several hours. What is the risk of infection since the
condom was inside me for 10 hours?

The Doctor: Any foreign object, whether a condom or a tampon, that is left in the vagina
for prolonged periods of time can cause an infection. In most cases, infection begins to
brew after 24 hours. But if you notice a heavy or foul smelling discharge after removing
the condom, you should see a doctor.

I would also suggest that you talk to your doctor about the "morning after pill" if
pregnancy is a concern and sexually transmitted disease screening if you are not certain
of your partner's STD status.

To decrease the chances that this will happen again, make sure that the penis is
removed from your vagina as soon as he ejaculates. One of you should hold onto the
top of the condom as he withdraws to make sure that it does not come off and become
lost in the vagina. If the condom does come off inside the vagina during sex, you can ask
your partner to insert his finger and remove it. Alternatively, you can squat and bear
down as if having a bowel movement -- this will bring the condom down lower in the
vagina and make it easier for you to insert your finger and remove it.

Question #5: Is it true that you can get pregnant from pre-ejaculation? And if so what
are the possibilities?

The Doctor: Yes, it is possible to become pregnant from pre-ejaculation. Sperm from a
previous ejaculation may lurk in the urethra (inside the penis) and be released in the pre-
ejaculate fluid during the next sexual encounter. The chances of this happening are
small, but why take the risk?

Question #6: I am a 19-year-old female from Athens, Tenn. I am kind of confused about
losing your virginity and whether or not the hymen must be broken for you to lose your
virginity. Could you please explain? Also, a friend I know says her boyfriend always uses
a condom and always withdraws before he ejaculates. Does that mean she is still a
virgin? Must the hymen be broken before she loses her virginity?

The Doctor: A virgin is traditionally defined as a woman who has never had a penis enter
her vagina. The first time that a woman has vaginal intercourse, her hymen may tear, or
"break," or the hymen may simply stretch enough to allow the penis to enter. Either way,
once the penis enters the vagina -- with or without a condom, and with or without
ejaculation -- a woman is no longer considered a "virgin."

Question #7: When you have sex with somebody without using a condom, and you get
a burning sensation after that then does that mean that you have a disease?

The Doctor: First of all, unless you are certain that your partner doesn't have a disease,
and the two of you are only having sex with each other, you should be using a condom
every time you have sex.

But to answer your question, if the burning sensation occurs immediately after sex, it is
not likely to be caused by an infection (unless of course you had the infection before you
had sex). Most commonly burning just after sex is caused by your vagina becoming dry
during sex, or vigorous and prolonged sex that caused swelling and irritation of your
vagina, vulva or urethra.

Using water-soluble lubricants like Astroglide will decrease this type of burning after sex.
If the burning sensation starts 24 to 48 hours after sex, it probably represents an
infection of your vagina or bladder and you should see a doctor.

Question #8: Most of my sexual experiences have been very painful. They were not
forced, but welcomed and wanted. It feels like something is being knocked out of place.
I've tried numerous positions, relaxing, and a few doctors with no help. If you have any
suggestions or questions I could ask my doctor, please respond.

The Doctor: There are many possible explanations for pain during sex. My book, "What
Your Mother Never Told You About Sex," has an entire chapter devoted to painful sex.
You will also find a long list of questions that you should answer and take to your doctor,
as well as descriptions of the potential causes of pain.

For example, pain during the beginning of sex (penetration) may be caused by
infections, vaginal dryness, abnormal hymens, muscle spasms surrounding the vagina
(vaginismus) and vulvodynia. Pain with deep penetration may be caused by ovarian
cysts, a tipped uterus, endometriosis, fibroids, and pelvic adhesions (to name a few).
Whatever the cause, you can be helped so that you can have sensual, satisfying, sex.

In the meantime, I suggest that you use lubricants and assume positions that do not
allow deep penetration like lying on the bottom -- or top -- with your legs straight. Also
make sure that you are getting lots of foreplay before intercourse. As a woman gets
more aroused, her vagina becomes longer and wider at the top, making sex more
comfortable.

Question #9: If you don't have sex in a long time does your vagina really "close back
up"?

The Doctor: No, your vagina doesn't close back up. Muscles and elastic tissue surround
your vagina. Before menopause, your vagina may feel tighter after a long period of
abstinence because the muscles and tissues have not been exercised and stretched for
a while. But your vagina bounces back quickly when you become sexually active again.

After menopause, however, the lack of estrogen can cause the vagina to become thinner
and smaller during prolonged periods of celibacy. In this case, a woman may need to
have "vaginal rehabilitation" to resume satisfying sex. I often recommend estrogen
vaginal massages, stretching exercises, and sometimes dilators before having sex
again.

Question #10: I began using Orthtricyclen when I was 18. I am now 21. I stopped taking
it five months ago in November when I moved to another city and stopped having sex. I
haven't gotten my period up until January and have not have it again since the middle of
January. I began having sex with my boyfriend in February, and when I didn't get my
period in February, I took an at-home pregnancy test, which came up negative.
However, I still don't have my period. Is the pill the cause, or should I take another
pregnancy test just to be sure?

The Doctor: You should certainly take another pregnancy test to be sure that you are not
pregnant. Sometimes when you stop taking the pill after several years of use, it can take
up to one year before you start having regular monthly menstrual periods. You should
take a pregnancy test every 4-6 weeks until your periods become regular again. In the
meantime, make sure that you are using another reliable birth control method and
protecting yourself against sexually transmitted diseases.