‘’This story is about a beautiful girl and how she managed to change my

Life into ways i could not imagine’’

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‘’WITH LOVE’’

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 CHAPTER NO 1:

Summer of 2016, I wake up in the morning with ray of sunlight direct into my face at one
moment I realized I have been full with regrets these past months. I have failed grade 11th, I had
a breakup and my parents were totally dissatisfied by the way I was doing in college. Well, stress
was on my shoulders and life was freaking me up beyond limits. But guess what? I had to repeat
grade 11th which was a lot worse than I thought before taking this decision. After all, I didn’t
want to disappoint my mom anymore and also I didn’t wanted to lose my friends but *sigh*
that’s how life goes. I woke up and washed my face even the water made me realize how dumb I
was because it was boiling outside and I was using warm water. My mom, well my mom is my
best friend but she turned into a total stranger those days, she barely even looked at me and
every time she looked I could see how furious she was.

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I have an elder sister my dad doesn’t care what I was doing with my life as long as it was related
to him or anything he did. I lived with my grandparents and sure I was the only spoiled kid in
the house as I was the youngest I was treated like a child. My grandparents were lovely, my
grandfather as usual the man of his time! Well my family is huge, full of kids and uncles and
aunts. But I was an introvert when it comes to family, but when it comes to friends and college?
I was adored!

It was 7:45 am ,! I was getting late for college and I didn’t want to miss my first class because
trust me the teacher I had teaching that subject was horrible or you can say she liked making
children realize what kind of failure they’re gonna have in life and I wanted to avoid facing her
because being a target by her in front of the whole class? No way! My respect mattered, I was a
person of great pride and I had girls roaming around me and I walked like a superstar in my
shoes. Because I was different First week of grade 11 th i was already missing my old friends from
my old class and used to feel ashamed more seeing them in higher grade than I was and life was
messed up as my ex- became my senior. I didn’t want to face her, breakup means no look, no
talk, no hook et.c and I was good at it. I liked flirting and I liked keeping girls around me every
time.

Before going back to class 11th, I made new friends. Well! I interacted with a girl before joint
grade 11 again. She was pretty and sweet at the same time, she was thinner than anyone around
and above all she had her savage attitude. I finally interacted with all the other girls in that class,
the good thing was they all were related to each other somehow. Some were sisters, while they
were cousins to each other and some were best friends since years. I got involved but still
something was missing. What was it? I thought to myself everyday. I was still upset over my
grades, my relationship and terms with my parents.

It was defense day at college and defense day meant white clothes and celebration! My friends
were more into always taking pictures and roaming around doing each other the makeup-y stuff
they always do. Bullying other kids in college. Time passed and we became famous kids of
school. I well had admirers and I wanted to be more careful with my love life now I already had
many heartbreaks which was also why I was avoiding to get involved into a girl too much. We
skipped classes every day and that day for sure we ran from every teacher, every class and sure
from our future!

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CHAPTER NO.2:

I took a new start at life, I became more serious towards my studies and less towards wasting
much of my time with friends and also I had to show my mom I could do it this time. She
realized failures are a part of life and so she supported me with my decision and I was forgetting
about regretting why I got back in grade 11 well that was all because of the friends I made in
grade11 and also thinking that I had to do something with my life, I can’t just give up onto
everything. I wanted a life, a career. I had goals. Settle in New York and have a good life. Well
these were all the little dreams I had which I had to achieve. My life was finally getting better, I
realized too many things and I was happy with what was happened maybe God had a better plan
for me ahead

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August 2016, I was as usual getting late for college and mom was screaming at her fullest so I
could have breakfasts but trust me, breakfast with a sleepy head in the morning? That was not I.
I barely even liked talking to anyone in the morning well at least I waited until one hour in my
car to reach college till then my eyes would have been widely open and I never wanted to look
Ike a complete idiot entering college and wanted everyone to make fun of me. I fixed my hair
every time I entered college or you can say I fixed my self every time I entered college so I could
not look like a person dead from the inside and just living from the outside.

I went into class and found a seat next to my friends, it as almost class time and everyone took
their books out so before the lecturer came and started punishing everyone for not having their
books everyone assured before they had one or asked each other for an extra pair of book. It was
a boring class and I tried to skip it always but I always reached two or three minutes before that
class and I had to take it because staying out side while the class was going on? That was
impossible for me. My mother was a teacher herself and everyone would call her up every time I
did anything wrong.

Half of the classes went on and I couldn’t hold up my stomach too long because I never did
breakfast and this was time when I couldn’t hold up to my stomach that much long from hunger
and thirst and I would wait impatiently for the class time to be over so I could go and stuff my
mouth with food and also hang out with friends roaming around the college like a gangster and
bullying children around, asking them if they had money so we could buy food and have a party.
We loved parties! It was finally break time and I was walking by with my friends talking about
random stuff.

As I walk around my eyes got clicked, I see a girl sitting far away on the bench beside my friend.
I look for two seconds and so did she but ignoring her existence after two seconds I reach out to
my friend and ask,

‘‘Hey! Why is she sitting alone?’’ Asking about my friend.

‘’They’re not talking to us, maybe some misunderstanding’’ she rolled her eyes.

‘’They??’’ I give a surprising look.

‘’Yeah, she and her sister’’

‘’What?’’

I was shocked.

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CHAPTER NO.3:

Sister? I repeat! Sister?

She said yes a multiple times and I still couldn’t believe that’s her sister, I mean different by
looks, features and everything that was in between them. How could they be sisters I wonder? So
I walk up to my friend and I ask her if she needs to be entertained. I look at that girl still with a
confusing thought in my mind and my brain and head screaming louder that I could hear it so
clear, SISTER? Well I thought to myself maybe you should just give a smile and interact at last
you don’t just ignore a girl who you’re curious to know about can you?

Reassuring from my friend if she’s her sister with a hard smile on my face I finally with my
attitude try to reach out to her , still noticing her up to down. She had brown eyes, long hair, she

7
was thin just like her sister and she was tall even than me. She noticed me less and I stood there
thought to myself for a second if I should say hi or just walk away with an excuse that I don’t
know her yet and I can interact with her later. There was something about her that was making
me become doubtful whether I should or not interact with a girl who seemed furious. But I
finally put the man into myself to take a decision and thought myself that it would be nice to say
hi to the furious girl maybe she would adore me too like other girls.

‘’Hi?’’

She looks at me for a while with an awkward silence I just stand there keep telling myself you
were wrong saying hi to her or maybe she fell into my magical eyes or just crushing on me for a
while I give a smirk on my face and look at her with all the proudness that I know how it feels to
fall in love too quickly but it’s okay you will get a chance to talk to me honey you will!

‘’You can’t become someone you’re pretending to be’’she said, with a sarcastic smile.

Glass breaks! Coming out my fantasy of her falling into my magical eyes and she being in love
with me with a glimpse of an eye! As if someone has pinched me and it was just a dream, I
change my emotions to being from a total playboy to the most serious person on this planet
earth ‘’WHAT’’ I scream into my brain like a gazillion times. Well, at that time I had nothing
back to say so I slowly walked back towards where I came from feeling all guilty and ashamed
with a little bit curiosity thinking whether she was pretending to be sarcastic just to impress me
or is she really not interested into a personality like me?

All day long I had been wondering why did I get a terrible answer from a girl whom I just met, a
girl I don’t even know, a girl whose first initial is not even what I know, a girl who is a total
stranger to me, a girl who doesn’t even know who I am, where I come from, what I think and so
on. All these questions were building up a mess into my brain and so I wasted all of my day into
thinking about a random girl and her attitude problem, but I finally ended up making a decision
that she has to be answered and I’m not someone who feels weak in front of girls do I? I mean,
girls adore me and I should show her my real magic maybe the she will know who I am and
maybe then she will turn to a complete sweetie and so I impatiently waited for the next day to
come.

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CHAPTER NO.4:

Mid terms were coming on head and it felt like a burden to me as I was threatened to death by
my mom and dad to get good grades this year or else they will shift me to a new school where
they don’t even allow you to even breath, and new school for a person like me? There was no
chance. But I had one good advantage and that was that as I was repeating there was a lot from
the course books that I knew and had already learned and I just had to go through them once.
Every day seeing my ex in college while she messaged me up multiple times trying to make me
realize I left at the first place just for another girl, which was half the truth because if I was a
playboy to her trust me on this she was a play girl and how longer can a playboy survive with a
play girl, not much longer I imagine. I wouldn’t call it a serious relationship full of love but I sure
would like to call it a good three months time pass.

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Friday’s were my favorite days of the week. Obviously! They are everyone’s favorite but I liked it
because firstly we got two days off from the college and secondly I had one day off from studying
as well and Friday was playing video games, watching tv and hanging out with friends. I eagerly
waited for Friday’s before my mid terms would arrive so I could do everything before just like
my death is going to arrive and I had time to fulfill my wishes. As I was an extrovert I took this
as much of a punishment to stay at home and do nothing except watching my dad watch news
everyday and my mom working in the kitchen besides my elder sister was always busy with her
fiancé.

It was Thursday and I went to college on time surprisingly half n hour before the class was about
to start and I just put headphones in my ears and clicking play on Ariana grande’s side to side
and walking around the college while I see my friends walking into college, late as usual five
minutes before or half n hour later the class had started there was never an in between. I usually
sat at the front row along the other girls who were though to be the most intelligent girls in the
class while the place where I wanted to sit always was besides my friends which well was the
most last seat in the class where mostly the most dumb children used to sit but we liked it there
because we liked wasting time.

It was almost 10 ‘o clock and we were waiting for the next teacher to come usually the class
started at 10:10 so we had ten minutes break in between the last and the upcoming class. It was
past 10:10 and the teacher didn’t arrive, five minutes later the attendant came inside the
classroom and gave us a good news that the teacher took off for today because she fell sick and it
rarely happened when the teacher would fell sick and every child would pray for the teacher to
fell sick so we could have a free period. I sat with my friends and I listened to their conversation
as usual as I notice beside me was the same girl sitting and staring at everyone person noticing
them from the top to the bottom and I ask myself,

‘’Is she a detective or what?’’

Maybe I was a attitude boy but I had a good heart and since I thought she was new to college I
still wanted to be nice to her and yes she has disrespected my feelings but let’s just forget and
move on and go have another chance to be nice to the girl, you know sometimes people are
having bad days and they just don’t want to be nice maybe she was having one that day. So I
chin up like I did and once again I walked towards her with a huge smile on my face,

‘’What’s your name? I didn’t get it that day?’’ I asked hoping for a smile back.
‘’Marie.’’ She rolled her eyes in front of me like I had been asking her this question for one
thousand Times and this time she was fed up.

What? No asking back what’s my name? No giving me even a little bit of smile? Not even
wanting to know who I am, what does she think of herself? I wonder. Has she landed from
another galaxy or is she the daughter of a prince? I looked besides, up and down and then at her
and I just ignore her once again and leave. This time I was furious, how can a girl have an
attitude problem. Maybe she had some kind of a disorder where you can never be happy or nice
towards a stranger whose trying to act like an angel in front of you and whose only purpose is to
be a kind soul help which will help you interact with people around you.

I wanted revenge really bad so I just started to make evil plans against her all the way back to
college and home and then to my room and all day until I would fall asleep. I made different

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scenarios like, insulting her in front of other kids? Showing her who I really am? Going to her
and telling her that the way she has been behaving will not be accepted? Or just ignore like a
man once again. I opened my books and it took more than the hours that I usually study because
I was studying less and more concentrating into creating evil plans against her and that’s how
my day ended.

CHAPTER NO.5

Next morning I just laid in my bed thinking how life was testing me at it’s fullest. I still had some
regrets in my life and I wanted to overcome those, I woke up an hour before college started
because it was Friday and I was already excited to come back home and enjoy my two days
holiday. I dressed up in my casual clothes and sled down from the staircase towards the kitchen,
it was a pleasant day and there were barely any people on the road on Friday’s. Refreshing my
mood and not thinking about any negative stuff in my life I picked up my bag and got ready for
college. I know I was still missing how my ex had gotten away blaming everything on me I still
missed seeing her around. Now days I would always see her either in class or around her friends,
we barely looked at each other because we were full of regrets, regrets of either being together or

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being apart. It was confusing but I was trying to get over that part of my life since I had other
troubles to worry about.

Driving down the road to college, I turned up the volume of the radio playing ‘’You and me’’ by
life-house. This song was always the first on my playlist something about this song always made
me believe that life never stops on the same spot, it keeps going on until you make it stop! I
always wished to have a guitar and sing along these songs but my parents wished me to become
an engineer. We really know the difference between an artist and an engineer right? But parents
never understood. Little drops of water fell on the front mirror of the car and it started breezing
slowly, I wanted to spend more of my time out in the beautiful weather but my watch reminded
me that I was getting late for college and I was only 10 minutes earlier before the first class
starts.

I ran towards class, I opened the door and thanked God the teacher hasn’t arrived yet. With a
blink of an eye I see the same girl coming towards the class looking into the mirror she saw me
and definitely would be planning something new this day, but I was ready to face her and her
sarcasm. I kept on whispering to myself ‘’ Don’t seem nervous’’, ‘‘ Don’t seem nervous’’ this time
she knew I would respond to her sarcasm so I got ready when she would say something and I
would respond and walk away like a boss.

Half of day passed, and it started to rain heavily I walked towards the corridor and suddenly saw
my ex coming towards me I tried hard to hide my face into my shirt so I could not look into her
eyes or neither could she. I tried to pass quickly and so did she I think probably she saw me and
thought the same way, as we came closer she stopped and tried to reach out to me but before she
could say a word I ran from there. I thought to myself if that was rude of me to just walk away
maybe she needed notes or maybe she wanted to just ask how are things going since she knew
what I was going through or maybe she just wants to know if I’m missing her or not so
encouraging myself for doing the right thing I went on and joined my friends in the ground.

‘’Where you been?’’ My friend asked with such curiosity.

‘’Um no -where, just roaming around’’ I hesitated.

I joined my friends and I had to sit In front of that girl, she passed a smile and I couldn’t really
figure out what was on her mind so I passed a smile back to her.

‘’Do you have a girlfriend?’’ She asked.

‘’Girlfriend?’’ I got confused

Now either she saw me with my ex or maybe she was trying to be friends with me because she
got guilty of treating a stranger like this. I got silent for a moment and had no idea what to say.
In a hurry I slipped the most awkward words out of my mouth.

‘’Yeah, my ex is inside’’

‘’What?’’ She laughed.

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‘’I mean nothing!’’ I tried ending the conversation

‘’No, who’s she?’’

I looked into her eyes if I should trust this girl or not, after all I just came to know her two days
back and our first meeting was a total messed up thing. Looking here and there and muttering
words to myself I finally came up to a decision that I would tell her who she is but if she made
fun of me? So after being hesitated I finally started telling her my story. Now that was the
problem with me I trusted people really easily and later on? Later on I regret it.

I kept on telling my story and she seemed really interested into my story as if I was reading
Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. After the story ended I would see her eyes filled with tears.
And I showed no emotions on my face. She insisted on seeing who my ex was. I knew if I would
take her around my ex and she would say anything regarding our past I would get embarrassed.
Now how could I trust a girl who has been rude to me all this time and suddenly gets really nice?
They say, never trust a quiet and a really nice person! They can change in minutes and you won’t
even have an idea about it. But she resisted so much so I finally took her to show my ex.

‘’ Don’t show any kind of gestures!’’ I told her.

‘’I know better than you!’’ She rolled her eyes.

‘’Seriously?’’ I thought to myself.

CHAPTER NO 06:

Yesterday was a good day, I took out my frustration and I finally made one new friend. But still
she didn’t apologize on how she behaved with me the other day. But I forgot and moved on, after
all I trusted her with the most important part of my life and also she was sarcastic but something
about her felt nice, something made me believe that this girl is good by heart! We exchanged
numbers and that was more shocking because being friends? I was sure we would be enemies.
Also we were compatible. Same birth months, same star sign but also same personality traits.

11:00 PM

My phone got a silent beep and a message popped up,

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‘‘Still thinking about her?’’

I wrote a thousand replies and cleared them up, what answer would I have to this message I
myself never knew if I was thinking about her or not. Was I or was I not, should I say yes or no?
I continuously changed my replies. Finally I replied.

‘’Idk’’

The conversation went on for an hour and she asked me that I can trust her and so I should
express my feelings and deep down I knew I needed someone to share my feelings about, to
share about how much I have been through in the last few years. But even opening up so
randomly about everything was no cool. After all, you can’t tell everything and expect nothing in
return. So I pull up my guts and start typing on the keyboard.

‘’Should I ask you something?’’

I was curious what would her response be, what if she tells me to mind my business or get
offended by such a personal question, after all no one is like to open up to anyone so easily and I
would not find it unfair or even bad if she doesn’t trust me with her secrets. It’s just been a weak
since we have met but I hope she does. I suddenly get a beep on my phone and I open my
messages.

‘’Yes, sure?’’

I replied,

‘’Do you have someone you lost?’’

I clicked the sent button and waited to get a response, while I open my book and start reading in
a quick manner. I knew she was someone straight -forward and she could even insult me for
asking her such questions and I was ready for another insult. I sent the message on 11:10 and
after five minutes I phone beeped again and there she gave me a shirt and quick reply with no
emoji’s or expression just one line with a full stop at the end,

‘’We will talk about it tomorrow.’’

Phew! That was a tough one. Now at least all she would want to say to me she will on my face not
behind text messages and making me feel guilty more after I read those messages again and
again. So I eagerly waited for the next day to come.

‘’Oh holy cow! I have my physics test tomorrow’’ I shouted to myself in a loud voice

It was just 7 hours to college and I had my physics test tomorrow and there was no chance I
could miss the test or get bad grades because my mum had been calling at college everyday to
check how I was doing and how we’re my grades in tests and if she gets to know my progress was
bad? I was dead or you could say dead but just living in the body. So I measured the syllabus
with the time and quickly started reading the syllabus, Well, I was a quick learner and I usually
used to finish my work before time. An hour passed and I just got done with half of the syllabus
and my eyes were already burning from sleep and all I could think of was sleeping. I closed my
eyes and intended to wake up after five minutes.

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I open my eyes, and see the bright light coming direct into my eyes and my mother screaming
my name from downstairs that I was getting late. I thought to myself why is everybody shouting
when it’s just night and why is it so bright? Am I gone mad or it’s just a dream? I look at my
clock,

‘’WHAT! 7:30 in the morning?’’

I slept through out the night and didn’t wake up, I had books in my hand and I just realized I
didn’t even study completely for the test and I knew I was in trouble so I got up and changed
while keeping the book in my hand and revising all that I learned all night.

CHAPTER NO 07:

11:00 AM

I was worried about the test and I also was curious to know what Marie had to tell, but I was
concentrating more on the test and I didn’t want to screw up this time as I was the only one
repeating in the class and if I had failed the test the teachers along the other people in the class
would make fun of me. So I hoped for the test to be canceled and I could save my life from the
trouble. The teacher came and he asked us to open our books, and the next line he said was that
the test will be held next week. So I got so happy and relieved, I finally got a chance to study
harder for the test. Meanwhile, I was waiting for the class to be finished so I could go and finally
know what she has to tell. I knew my curiosity wasn’t something good. But since I told her a lot
of stuff about me I thought it was okay to know something about her too. At last we were kind of
‘’friends’’

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The last two classes were always free on the Wednesday’s, the class got over and I went out to
search for my friends. And there I found her. I sat down and we both for a silent for a minute.
Now I thought maybe she has forgotten that she had to tell me or maybe she’s just pretending to
not know so she doesn’t have to disclose her secrets in front of me.

‘’Um, start?’’ I asked her.

‘’Start what?’’ She got confused

‘’ You had to tell me about yourself, right?’’ I replied

‘’Oh yes!’’

She started the story from the day she fell in love with someone, and I just listened. The story
went on for one and a half hour and I was just sitting there listening to her with all the attention
that I would have never even payed in the class while studying. She went on and on, she told me
about the flaws, good things and also why she had to get over someone so close to her. It was
devastating! My intuitions were wrong about her. Maybe she was a nice girl and all she had to go
through made her this. I consoled her and I promised her she could trust me with her secrets.

‘’So who is he?’’ I asked

‘’ I can’t tell’’ she replied

‘’You can’t tell? But you already told me everything’’

‘’ I will soon’’ She smiled

Well, she was a nice girl. And her image was changed into my eyes. Instead of being a devil we
both became nice friends. She shared her deepest secrets with me and so did I. And we both
shared the same birthday months, we had the same choice in everything, we had the same story
and above all our hearts were broken in the same way. So this made us nice friends instead of
enemies and now I could trust her and she could trust me with her secrets.

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CHAPTER NO 08:

11:00 am

I could hear the rain drops outside, so I excitedly woke up and opened the curtains and saw the
beautiful weather outside, that day I was missing my ex- lover. They say who ever you miss while
it rains, is the one you love. Now I don’t know who quote this, but whoever said it, this was
something really beautiful. I was missing her and I knew I shouldn’t be but I loved her, five years
and how can we both forget times with each other. We were friends but she was disappointed in
me and I was guilty, and when she wanted me to come back to her I rejected her a several times.
I was tired of getting treated badly by her so I decided to move on but I couldn’t because we still
liked each other and I was guilty of what I did to her, I needed her.

17
The thought were wondering into my head whether I should message her and tell her I miss her
or not? Yes or no? the thought were eating my head and I was confused what to do. I scrolled
down my phone and I thought to ask a friend what to do, but I had no friend who I was close to
or someone who I shared my secrets with. But suddenly I remembered maybe I should ask
Marie and she would help now she knew my secrets and she understood about my feelings so I
messaged her up.

‘’I miss her, what should I do?’’

I didn’t even wanted Marie to think I was desperate or I am a playboy who rejected someone a
million times and now missing her so I waited for her response and hoped she wouldn’t think
bad of me, but why would she, we were friends and she knew how much I felt for my ex.

Phone beeped.

‘’You should tell her you miss her maybe she’s waiting for that message too’’ She replied.

Her reply somehow gave me satisfaction and made me believe that whatever I’m doing is right I
should message her and tell her that Im missing her, I picked up my phone and started scrolling
down to her chat, I started typing, one sentence and three words, ‘’ I miss you’’. My hands were
shaking while sending her the message but I wondered to myself ‘’ if you don’t do this now, then
never’’. I always did that if I was afraid of saying something to someone or telling something or
maybe before doing something. I clicked the send button and threw the phone on the bed and
dared to not look at it again

I waited till evening for her reply and there was no message on the phone, I laid down on my bed
looking at the ceiling already regretting that I texted her, all the thoughts and assumptions were
eating my brain one by one and I felt like the world was revolving around in circular motion and
I’m moving along it. So with hopeless feelings I closed my eyes to almost sleep.

Phone beeped.

I opened my eyes and quickly picked up my phone, I closed my eyes for one minute and
whispered to myself ‘’ No matter what the reply is, I wont get dishearten’’ and I turned the phone
around to see what she replied. She wrote

‘’I miss you too’’

Seeing this made me happy and really happy, that night we talked the whole night and it felt like
the broken pieces were back together, I told her how guilty I was and I told her how I felt about
her.

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CHAPTER NO 09:

I was really excited for college and I needed to let Marie know everything me and my ex talked
about, and that we both were together now, I was happy and I couldn’t wait to get to college. I
ran down to the stairs and grabbed my bag running towards the door, I could still hear my mom
shouting from the back to come have breakfast. Well! I had no time for that before I could reach
college I was already late. It was 8:30 am, and I missed half of my first class and missing that
meant getting insulted by the teacher and listening to her accusations about us thinking that we
own this college or we are coming to a party that we can come whenever we want to. I ran
quickly to the class and smashed the classroom door open.

‘’Well Well, look who just came’’ the teacher smirked.

‘’Im sorry miss, I was stuck in traffic’’ I replied

19
‘’Do we travel by planes? Or you own this college?’’

So instead of arguing with her I found it better to rather sit on the chair, every chair was taken
and the only chair that was left was besides Marie and I was happy so I could get to talk to her
even during class and tell her everything, just when I was about to go to the chair and put my
bag on it, I heard a loud voice from the back

‘’NOT HERE, COME AT FRONT’’ the teacher shouted

‘’The front, what a bad starting of the day’’ I whispered to myself

I could hear everyone giggling from the back as if this was some circus going on and I was
appointed as the joker’s job. I moved towards the front chair and saw my teacher giving me the
devilish look and telling me that I would study better sitting here than sitting at the back with
the rest of the kids. After a while the class was over and everyone headed towards the class that
was mostly taken in the laboratory. I took Marie’s hand and took her to the backyard of the
school.

‘’I need to tell you something’’ I got excited

‘’ What?’’ She laughed

‘’Well your advise worked! We are back together’’

‘’ Wow that’s great!’’ She replied

We walked and I told her how I apologized to her and how she told me that she missed me, and
how much she cared for me. Until then we remembered that we had to take another class and we
were half n hour late for the class.

‘’What should we do now?’’ She got worried.

‘’Should we hide?’’ I laughed

We hid at the back of the class, and laughed and I told her the rest of the story and waited for the
class to be over. That day I had a lot of fun and for the first time I missed the class and it was
actually really fun, It was fun with her, She told me how I should take care of my ex and not let
her down this time. I knew she wouldn’t be wrong about all this after all she was the only one
who helped me with getting back with my ex.

20
CHAPTER NO 10:

She comes near to me, and I hold her hand and try not to let it go, I continuously look at her
face but there is nothing except a white light and a girl wearing a white dress. She leaves my
hand and slowly go away the far she goes the more she vanishes. I run and try to stop her, I
scream and shout ‘’who are you?’’ but something was making me stop her, something made me
felt that I should stop this girl. The more far she went the more I would get frightened, I ran
and suddenly fell into a dark tunnel.

Alarm rings

I woke up with a fast heartbeat, Thank God! It was just a dream. I kept wondering what was this
dream about and who was this girl, and why was she going far away. I kept on stopping her but
why would I? Ignoring it just like it was a nightmare and got up to get ready for college. Last

21
night we argued again over the same issues. She would not forget how hurt she got and I felt
guilty, I knew it wasn’t my fault but still I needed to save this relationship of ours. She was
insecure about me and just like every other girl she also didn’t want to share me so instead of
making it a big deal I apologized again. But for how long will I? Its been almost one month now
that we are together, sometimes we argue and sometimes she makes me feel like she loves me to
end of this world.

We were about to have colors day in college and it was one of the fun days in college, we wore
clothes of our choice and had the day off from studies and classes, although our college was
boring but it had fun days like this. Just like the same old routine I walked down the road to
college and as I missed my class several times I wasn’t in a mood to have the class again today
but final exams were coming up and I couldn’t miss the class at all. Well! I always forgot that I
was repeating my class and I couldn’t afford to repeat again this time, never know I would be
sitting here all my life and still couldn’t pass this specific year.

I sat down on the chair besides the window because that was my favorite place to sit, so I could
see everything outside and not listen to what the teacher is saying. While I sat there thinking
about life and waiting when the class would be over, I saw Marie coming towards the class. I saw
her and waved, like it’s been years since we have met. We didn’t talk over the weekend because
she was busy and I was busy dealing with my ex, so just like always I had a lot to tell her about
the arguments we had.

12:30 PM

It was extremely hot and we sat beside the cafeteria where we usually sat and I as usual was
speaking and she was listening. She always listened to my problems so carefully sometimes I
would stop In between the conversation and say,

‘’Are you really listening?’’ Sarcastically.

‘’ Hmmm.’’ She replied

‘’Hey Marie! ‘’ I shook her by the shoulder

‘’ Huh? Sorry what were you saying?’’

‘’Ugh!’’ I replied

And that’s how she used to laugh knowing she wasn’t listening to me and I continuously used to
speak thinking she was concentrating. Our little jokes made us laugh, we also gave each other
advises about our relationships and they always made us satisfied. But still it remained a
mystery on who was her past and how did he look like? The only thing she so far told me was his
name.

22
CHAPTER NO 11:

09:00 PM

I got an apology message from my ex and she had apologized for how she behaved with me the
other night and blamed me for stuff I didn’t do. She told me how much she liked me and didn’t
like me being with someone else, but that’s not all it should be about I know what I did was
wrong but I needed my space, and she was not ready to give me that space she was not ready to
trust me never now and never even before. I accepted her apology as Marie told me to do so and
agreed on what she said even if it made me happy or not but I did, after all Marie was right if she
likes to be called ‘’Right’’ always and makes her happy then I should do that. My feelings were
still genuine for her and for her I was merely a puppet.

23
We talked for a while and then she told me she had to go study for her upcoming exams, her
college was different as mine, also she had a strict father. He was in one of the armed forces,
now being a child of an army officer was very exotic and so was the case with her, her dad
wanted her to become a doctor and she was too scared to stand up for herself, so she
concentrated more on her studies than me and honestly speaking I appreciated that.

I was done with studying and preparing for the tests, so I lay on the bed like usual scrolling my
newsfeeds. I kept on scrolling and suddenly stopped for a second and thought, now that Marie
isn’t ready to show me her ex and I’m to eager to know who he is, since I was really good at
stalking and finding out people even from the outer side of the world. I went to the search bar
and started typing his name, obviously she didn’t tell me his full name so I only knew the first
name and went on searching, being the detective I always was I opened the first two profiles I
could see.

Well one was too short and the other was too long, and both were not to be matched with Marie,
so I finally gave up on the searching after a few attempts and planned to rather go to sleep. As
I’m about to close the application my eyes suddenly fall on a profile which in my mind bought a
thought that maybe this is the person I’m looking for because after all If I would have told Marie
that I did this, first thing she would have been offended as to why I was curious to know about
him and secondly she would have made fun of me that I couldn’t even find him. I opened the
profile and there I finally see one of his pictures liked by Marie, before a second thought I took a
screenshot and kept it in m secret folder.

That was a good thing about smart phones you could take screenshots and save whatever you
wanted to without people even knowing, technology was vast those days and life was easier for
those people who had such phones. I gave myself a pat on the shoulders and appreciated how
proud I was with myself to solve such mysteries. I patiently waited for the next day so I could go
to Marie and instead of her making fun of me, this time I could prove her who is really the boss!

My hormones were troubling me and not letting me wait, I don’t know what was I excited about
proving her wrong or finding who he finally is. So Instead of waiting for a whole night and day to
tell her finally until my hormones and all my emotions don’t die after waiting, I planned to
message her and show her the screenshot I took and also take a snap of he reaction, now that
would have been more fun then seeing her reactions live, I could see the snap again and again to
get happy.

I start typing a message ‘’Look what I found miss’’, I attach the screenshot with the message and
sent it to her, and then laughed out loud before I could even see her reaction because I could
imagine how she must react with all this, seconds later I get a beep on my phone I rushed
towards it and opened her chat there was nothing very serious and nothing very funny but only
one word,

‘’L O L’’

This was something to worry about now, I thought she would get angry or laugh along me but all
she wrote were three alphabets which in fact meant as ‘’Laughing out loud’’ but literal it was
when you are not in a good mood, so thinking If she got offended I messaged her up again
asking what’s wrong. I waited for a few minutes and there was no reply. I wondered maybe what
I did was too extreme and she was not into such jokes about her ex boyfriend.

24
Phone beeped.

‘’I’m just quiet upset’’ She replied with a sigh.

The conversation went on for a while and she told me how upset she was over her ex boyfriend,
she sometimes missed him but there were days when she hated him for no reason at all, just like
I did with my ex girlfriend. We had genuine feelings for our lovers, and she liked him with all her
heart too and we both weren’t appreciated for all the things we did, so understanding each
other’s situations and being more like best friends, we consoled each other. I tend to make her
laugh with all my lame jokes to lighten up my mood and so did she at all the time. But we knew
our hearts weren’t happy with all that we were going through, I was together with my ex
girlfriend and she was still in a depress state. Some days she would cry suddenly out of the blue
and some days she would laugh a lot, but that day I felt her pain, because I knew what her pain
was.

That day I promised her that I’ll always be on her side and I promised to take her out of all this
real quick, that day we realized we dot have to let go off this friendship at any cost and be
friends, that day we promised we would never hurt herself with other stuff we will wait for the
right one to come in our lives and get the love we always wished for.

CHAPTER NO 12:

There was a dark tunnel, and I try to get up and move all I could hear is loud voices, people
around me in circles shouting and screaming and asking who I am, I look around and I see
her again this time very close yet very far away. I hold her hand for support and I still cant get
up. She walks away and the noises get louder and louder I try to stop her again this time but
she looks back and vanishes.

Alarm rings

I could hear my mom shouting from down telling me I’m getting late for college, I get confused if
I’m dreaming or is this reality. Mom pulls me out of the bed and screams so loud into my ear
that I’m getting late for college, it was 7:45 and I was very late that day. I felt like my head will
burst with pain and my body was aching like anything. I felt sick, was this the dream? . I kept

25
wondering what hint is this dream trying to give me, and who is that girl? The thoughts were
killing me, I wanted to skip college real bad but I promised Marie last night I would lighten up
her mood the next day and I didn’t want to disappoint her.

I forced myself to get out of the bed making myself believe that its just a matter of few hours and
then I can come back to my comfy bed, but well in this hot weather there was no chance to live
without an air conditioned room.

I was terribly missing my ex and I messaged her up telling her I miss her, we argued mostly than
talking normally but despite of everything I always got over the fights and arguments, showing
her my love so this time I could not lose her at any cost. She was an insecure girl with a lot of
flaws too but I accepted her flaws too. But this relationship needed to get stronger and we
needed to build a trust between us. Times were hard but I knew eventually things will be like
before, now its just been a little time when she and I had been back together how could things
turn out to be perfect this instant. Sometimes thoughts of her killed me and sometimes the same
thoughts made me happy I was confused this time whether its just me exaggerating or this
relationship has really gotten this weak over time.

I dropped my phone into my bag and ran towards the class, but it was just 10 minutes until the
class was over so I decided to sit outside rather than going inside and get insulted again. I kept
on seeking from behind the pillar to see if the teacher is gone, and I looked in the class for Marie
but I couldn’t see her. It was almost 9 o clock and she still didn’t come to college, there was a
beep on my phone and I took my phone out to see who it was, maybe it was my ex telling me she
misses me too. Marie messaged me saying she would not be able to make it to college today
because she was not feeling good.

‘’Are you kidding me?’’ I shouted at loud to myself

Well now I had to spend the whole day alone without her and take all the classes, be an innocent
person for one day. I decided to sit outside all day or just go back home with an excuse that I’m
feeling really bad, that I was but not that worse. But skipping college was not an option for me
right now because my mom was more serious towards my college and studies, and even if I was
dying with a high fever she would still send me to college, so I was only left with the option to
attend the classes and wait to go back to home.

3:00 PM

I entered my house with loud noises as if someone was shouting, I went inside to look who it was
and I saw my parents fighting and shouting at each other. I ignored the fight went upstairs and
closed the door. This was a every day routine since I was a child and seeing this often made me
sensitive and made me feel like no relation can work out no matter how much love there is, now
my dad did love my mother but he ever showed his feelings but on the other hand my mom was
more like a superwoman to us. She did all the work since I was a baby and when she expected
something in return from my dad it always turned out into a fight, that’s why I was the closest to
my mom than anybody else.

Phone rings

26
It was my ex calling, she usually called me when she was upset about something or wanted to
hear my voice, but since we were back together this was the first time I was about to hear her
voice I was kind of nervous what to say so I picked up the phone,

‘’Hello!’’ I mumbled

‘’How are you?’’ She replied

‘’ I am good, what about you’’?

‘’ I am good, I was just wondering if we could meet, I haven’t seen you for such a long time and I
miss that face’’ She said in an upset voice

I was quiet for a second what to say, I was missing her face too but I was not sure if I should say
yes right now at the very moment so I thought to ask Marie first if I should be meeting her or
not, after all I needed the advisors advice. So I didn’t rush myself into excitement or any other
emotion.

‘’Hello, are you there?’’ She asked.

‘’Yes, ill let you know soon when we should meet okay?’’ I replied

The conversation went on for too long, I didn’t realize it was 4 AM and still we weren’t done
talking to each other, she was showing me love she often never showed me. And I was happy
about it, she told me she was going to Egypt for a while to visit her sister and she is going to
come back soon. I told her I am going to miss her and that ill wait for her to come back. I
promised her I wont be forgetting my limits that’s all she wanted me to promise her which made
her happy and I always wanted to see her happy.

CHAPTER NO 13:

It was colors day at college and I was very excited about it, I was meeting Marie after one whole
day and it felt like its been forever since we have last met when it was just day before yesterday
when we met at college, but I was also angry that she left me alone to survive for one day in
college. I took out my brand new shirt that I bought a week ago from my wardrobe and wore my
jeans, combed my hair and headed down to go to college. I asked my dad to drop me to college
he dropped me at college on such occasions. I quickly had breakfast and went to sit in the car.
My dad started the car and it didn’t start up for the first two attempts, he kept on trying to start
the car but it wasn’t starting. I kept on looking at my watch because it was almost 9:30 and I was
still at home waiting for the car to start. My dad finally gave up on starting the car and told me
there’s no way he could drop me so I should get a cab.

27
Being furious I went inside, upset about not going to college. When my grandma told me that my
uncle was coming and he can drop me to college while going to his work. My uncle? We were
enemies he hated me for no reason at all and never liked to even see my face and so didn’t I. He
liked my sister but I didn’t feel bad about this ever. Continuously denying to my grand mother
that I wont go with him she didn’t listen and just asked me to stop until he comes so I can go
with him. I got more furious but I had to reach college so I just waited for him to come.

10:15 AM

I sat in the car with him waiting to get dropped to college while this was a complete silence, I
knew since he hated me he would not talk or say something mean, while on the way to college he
told me he is going to take another route to my college, I agreed on what he said and remained
silent. 5 minutes passed and he forgot the way,

‘’ COULDN’T YOU TELL ME THE WAY? ****’’ He shouted

I got scared for a minute because I was not used to people shouting at me and I instantly
regretted coming with him. I didn’t know what to say to him in return but I remained quiet. I
was so hurt and was on the urge to drop tears from my eyes but I controlled I didn’t wanted him
to know that I was weak and that I can easily get hurt by him shouting this would have made
him believe that he won this war. 10 KM away from my college he stopped the car and told me to
walk from there, so he could get to his work on time. I picked up my bag and started to walk
down the road, I was quiet even to myself I didn’t know what to say. I just realized maybe I’m
not good enough for anyone to like me, several thoughts were running into my head.

After 15 minutes I reached college all tired and fed up, I saw Marie from far away but I didn’t go
to her, I sat on the chair besides the gate and tears fell from my eyes, I cried more and more with
every thought in my mind,

‘’What happened?’’ She came running.

I looked at her and I couldn’t think of another thought, all I was doing was crying, I didn’t say
another word and hugged her. That’s when I started crying more, she kept on asking me what
was wrong but I couldn’t tell her, I regretted coming to college, I regretted coming with him.

An hour passed and I still couldn’t get over crying, I called my mom and she consoled me about
it, but I was still hurt I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through then. I sat with Marie she
continuously tried to cheer me up. She told me how I’m wasting my tears and not enjoying the
day. I wiped my tears because I knew she was right after all why am I getting hurt over a person
who means nothing in my life. She started cracking her lame jokes, which were lame yet I
laughed always. And she was successful in making me laugh. I realized that she was not just my
friend but my best friend, I always looking for a friend who would understand my sadness and
happiness both at the same time, I was looking for someone who was completely honest about
our friendship and she was more than that. She made me happy in the most saddest times and
made me laugh when I didn’t even wanted to, like then when I was crying she made me believe
that I’m just getting hurt for no reason at all.

That day I called her my best friend. I told her about me meeting with my ex and she thought it
is a really good idea to meet her so I would get distracted from all the things that were hurting

28
me, we took the most random pictures and laughed along. I appreciated every thing she did for
me and thanked her for it. How my day started ad how it ended were two complete different
situations.

CHAPTER NO 14:

I had the dream again, this time I was sure that something was connected to the dream that I’m
not able to figure out. Is God trying to give me a sign? Usually when you get a dream more than
once you should figure out what it is before its too late, well that is what our ancestors said. So I
decided to go and ask my grandmother but I was hesitating to ask her, what should I really tell
her that this is a dream about a girl who always comes closer and then vanishes? She would
probably think I have started drinking, and that I’m always high. She always tells me to stay
away from bad company. So that was not a good idea. I could rather ask my mom but she always
has the answer ‘I am busy’ to everything I ask.

Phone beeped

29
I got a friend request from the same girl me and my ex broke up because of before. I got
panicked, she was a nice friend but my ex didn’t like me talking to her and she was already very
insecure about me, and I didn’t want to put this relation on risk again but I didn’t also wanted to
make her feel bad about me being rude or jut ignoring her request. I quickly called Marie to ask
what should I do so she told me to accept In anyway because you cant call that cheating its just a
friend request.

For a minute I thought if what I’m doing is right or wrong, but then I knew that she was right its
just a request after all I’m not cheating on her, she should know I had feelings for her there was
no way I would think of cheating on her. After seconds of panic attack I hit the accept button
and waited if I would get a long hatred message from my ex the very instant I would have
accepted the request, but luckily I didn’t.

That was always the problem in relation ships you don’t usually get your space or there are no
boundaries you were always bound to one thing and one person and I was not like that. I was
more like mature in that case, I wanted my space and I gave her the space she deserves there
was no stopping and jealousy but in her case there was a lot of jealousy and stopping me from
doing everything I do even the smallest things like even saying HELLO to a girl standing far
away.

05:45 PM

I got a message from Marie telling me that she talked to her ex and that she was kind of
regretting leaving him, or in simple words just missing him. I could understand her pain too but
she was not ready to accept it in front of him. Things were not going good for her and I wanted
to make them good for her, he must have been a nice guy but she deserved a lot more than that.
Since when she became my best friend she shared every feeling of hers she told me things I
could not have imagined that have happened to her and she was more than an inspiration for me
because she was a really strong girl.

While I was busy consoling her I got a message from my ex, the moment I read the message I
started sweating from my whole body,

‘’YOU ADDED HER, AND CHEATED ON ME. I AM DONE’’ She wrote.

I was shocked I couldn’t move my fingers to type anything, so I put the urge into myself to ask
her what I did, so I replied with three words only,
‘’What did I do?’’

She was really furious and all she was telling me that she was done I couldn’t bear all this so I
tried to give an explanation she wasn’t even ready to listen to that. Being very frightened of
losing her this time after I waited all this time to get her back I called up Marie and told her that
she got angry over me adding that girl and cheating on her, being the great friend she always
was she asked me to put all the blame on her and try to convince her that it was Marie who
added her and not me so she wont say anything to me. I instantly replied to her telling what
Marie told me to do.

30
I was so scared to lose her, my world was almost upside down I just wanted her to calm down for
the moment and then ill explain everything to her, she wasn’t ready to listen even what Marie
asked me to do didn’t work out, I kept on telling her that I loved her and not anyone else, she
meant to me and that I could have never cheated on her, 5 minutes later I get a call.

Phone rings

I pick up the call and I hear Marie crying too much, I got more frightened as to what is the
reason. I didn’t know what to do at that moment apart from just losing control over my
emotions. I kept on asking her forgetting that I had to handle my ex too. She didn’t say anything
and I kept on asking her again and again, I was worried and panicked.

Phone beeped

‘’Hope she learned her lesson’’ my ex wrote.

‘’What?’’ I replied.

CHAPTER NO 15:

11:00 PM

‘’What did you do?’’ I kept on messaging her

I read the chats and some of the messages there were not similar to me, some harsh messages
sent to Marie were not similar to me minutes later I realized that those were not sent by me but
my ex, those messages I read were something way beyond limits. I couldn’t believe my eyes for a
second that it was she who sent these to my best friend. Realizing how I promised Marie to
never let her cry again, how its my fault that she had to be in all of this I got furious this time I

31
was not furious for losing my ex but furious for being with a person who would insult someone
who is close to me.

‘’How dare you do such a thing to my best friend?’’ I wrote being furious.

‘’ I did what I thought was right’’ She replied

‘’ You know what, I am done’’ I wrote

I didn’t realize what I said that day I didn’t realize these few words could turn my life upside
down, but I was angry I wouldn’t let someone insult my best friend, just before I could continue
fighting with her I called Marie to apologize to her, all I heard was her crying too much I kept on
apologizing, the more she cried the more I would get furious on my ex. Things were only going
worse by then, I thought I would lose my best friend at that time, and honestly I couldn’t afford
to lose her on the other hand I was losing my lover someone I could barely live without. I had to
chose one person at that time one person I had to let go either the person who I have memories,
the laughter, the cries with or the person I gave my heart to. I kept on thinking what to do.

My hands were trembling with panic, my head was spinning around and life was upside down.
My ex was not ready to stay and I knew I would lose my life line If I lost her but on the hand I
knew she was wrong, and I also couldn’t afford to lose the only good friend in my life I had. I
knew later on she would have gotten over this and be happy that I chose my ex at this time and
not her but I didn’t wanted to be unfair and disappoint her for not being the friend she deserves.
My ex blocked me from everywhere and I kept on texting her or calling her, Marie told me she
would not come to college tomorrow.

Phone beeped

‘’Either chose me or her” She messaged

She gave me to choose between what I have and what I need, how could someone be this cruel.
Tears were rolling down my cheeks and life was playing me hard, this battle was hard. I was not
ready for another heart Break losing her would cost a lot. All that I could think about at that
second was to give up on all this and die, but dying wasn’t an option for me. I was sweating and
crying at the same time. I could barely swallow down my throat because I was too crazy and
confused.

I lay on my bed thinking what to do, it’s either my love or my friendship and I couldn’t lose both.
It was 2 AM in the morning and complete silence, no one was awake no one knew what I was
going through at that time no one was able to guess what I have to decide. After hours of
thinking and thinking I finally came up to the solution. Either the love I always want in my life
or the friend who is the reason I’ve been happy.

I started typing the message about my decision and I closed my eyes for few minutes and
thought to myself whatever I’m doing right now is going to make my world upside down but I
have to bear with it and be strong, I knew what I was choosing was right for me so I decided to
listen to my heart and sent the message.

32
PART ONE: ENDED

Thank you for giving your time to this book!

Before I start the second part, the most important part of my life. I need you to know that this is
the most crucial time of my life and words can’t really describe how I felt at that particular
moment

33
AFTER ONE YEAR, AUGUST 1ST 2017

CHAPTER NO 16:

It’s been almost one year since my life has changed, I still can’t forget the day I gave up on some
choices. Many things changed since then, I am changed, my life took a huge turn. But I won’t
deny the decision that I took that day, it’s been almost 8 months now since I have left my ex. I
am proud that I chose friendship that day and not love. There were reasons behind why I chose
my best friend instead of my lover. I knew my best friend would never leave me in that case, I
knew I wouldn’t get the blame of cheating everyday, I knew I wouldn’t be happy giving up on my
friendship but I had to make a choice and I think the choice I made was good for me. She got
happy after a few weeks like nothing happen, there are days when I cry till my last breath, there

34
were days when I would wake up in the middle of the night with depression and pain in my
whole body I would not eat for days and look myself in the room. I had no one or nothing that
could make me feel better except my best friend.

Since then me and Marie became closer, she started taking care of me more and I started
looking out for her more. She made me go through all this when I wasn’t ready. I didn’t tell her I
chose her because I was given a choice, because then she would have blamed herself instead I
just told her that she left me that was true because she wanted to end this and enjoy her life
alone knowing how much I loved her. But maybe that love wasn’t true in her case, but it still was
in my case. There were times when I missed her, not times but usually a lot. 6 months passed
and I was still not over her but I didn’t even ask her to come back I tried contacting her but she
wasn’t ready to accept me, her love for me faded away and the more time flew away the more I
changed and became weaker. There was no one I could love after that apart from her.

On the other hand, things changed for Marie too she herself became weaker because of certain
changes in her life too. We both were best friends because we both were together in everything.
We supported each other in every moment of ours, either it was sad or happy we were always
there. Some times we were happy sometimes we would miss them and feel upset, but we had a
goal that was to get over the people who changed our lives and live the life we were suppose to
have not what we got.

It was august and exams were almost near, this was my last year of college and then time to
graduate and go into a university. I had set myself some goals and made my mind towards
studying than rather loving. All I had got at that time was my best friend. Everyday was a
routine, getting up going to college and then coming back. I wanted to fulfill my mom’s wish of
becoming an engineer and get admitted into one of the world’s most top ranking universities. So
despite of everything else I just focused on my goals and achievements, I knew things weren’t
going the way they were suppose to go as I wished but I knew eventually everything would be
fine, I was more towards God then my self I prayed everyday to get something better than what I
lost I mean that is what even God says right? To give something better than what was taken
away from me

I had to take care of two people me and Marie, our friendship was stronger and that is what
made both of us happy and so we promised that we would not ever fall in love but if we ever had
the need of love we will chose the right people for each other, I wanted someone to make her
happy and she wanted someone to make me happy. She didn’t want anyone neither did I but I
promised to take her out of all of this and so did she.

35
CHAPTER NO 17:

8:00 AM

The weather was fine and I was heading towards college. Marie wasn’t coming that day she was
sick and she took some days off from college, and life was boring without her in college I
couldn’t wait for her to come so I could share stuff with her. I couldn’t stay a day without sharing
stuff with her. But since last days there were rumors about me and Marie about having a
relationship.

‘’Relationship, seriously?’’ We looked at each other.

36
We almost fought with half of the people in college for saying that we were in a relation, even
our friends always teased us for being together and we always hated it. Relation ship was not our
thing now, and together? No way. We were best friends, and she never thought of me that way.

I reached college and sat on the chair beside the window like I usually sat but this time I was
more quiet and more observant towards the class I knew I was still not serious and
concentrating towards it but I still remained silent and listened to the teacher, I would think of
something else but my eyes were always on the teacher and she always wondered if I had been
more serious or just present and sleeping.

‘’Hey there?’’ I heard a voice from back.

‘’Um hi’’ I replied.

A girl from my class said hi to me, I often saw her at college and said hi I knew her name and
everything but I never talked to her that much.

‘’You seem upset, want to walk outside’’ She asked.

I wasn’t sure if I want to walk out because after all she was a stranger, but then I wondered I
would have to spend the whole day again without Marie so temporary person to talk to would
not be bad.

‘’ YES’’ I replied.

I went out with her and we talked while walking, she asked me why I was upset and I wasn’t sure
if I should be telling her why I was, but I wanted to share this with someone and since Marie was
not here so I thought to share it with her. I started telling her the whole story about how I felt in
love with my ex till how she left me and whenever always I told someone the story I had tears in
my eyes. She consoled and told me she didn’t deserve me.

She stayed with me all day and tried to cheer me up, which she did she was a very nice girl and
she helped me get through the day, I didn’t feel alone that day I still missed Marie but since she
was there we bunked almost all the classes and talked about everything all day. I was glad I
shared my feelings with someone. She was nice enough to tell me to talk to her often on chat and
share my feelings. I was happy that there were still nice people on this planet left and you would
rarely find a nice and honest person both at the same time.

4:00 PM

I called Marie, to let her how my day was and that I missed her but above all I wanted to tell her
that I made a new friend, and that she was so nice.

‘’I missed you, but you know what?’’ I sounded excited.

‘’What? ‘’

‘’I made a new friend, we talked all day and I told her how upset I was. She cheered me up’’ I
replied

37
‘’Nice!’’

‘’Nice? Is that all you got to say?’’

I wondered if it was I telling her that I made a new friend bothered her or me telling her that she
cheered me up, I was confused as to what made her sound so serious. Nice is all I got from her,
so rather than asking her over phone I waited for the next day to come so I could ask her what is
wrong. Maybe she was upset over her ex.

Phone beeped
I got a new message.

‘’Hey there!’’

‘’Who is this?’’

‘’Your new friend, Kehan’’

It was the same girl from college today, I forgot that I had given her my number and that I told
her I would message her today and tell her I was feeling but I was so lost in thinking what was
wrong with Marie that I totally forgot to message her, so she did herself and we had a pretty long
conversation. I didn’t know before that she was a nice girl and that we would become good
friends.

CHAPTER NO 18:

I reached college half n hour before the first class, so I sat beside the cafeteria and waited for
Marie to come so I could go to the boring class with her, we usually missed the first class since
we came to second year of college. We bunked more classes than we took, because we never felt
like studying there were some times when we did but some times I had to take the classes
thinking I am too far away from my studies and exams were near. I looked at my watch several
times to see when the time will flew away, it was only five minutes since I last looked at my
watch and it seemed like forever, as I was sitting alone wondering about what I am going to do
with my life, suddenly I see someone waving at me and coming towards me. It was kehan.

‘’Hey why are you sitting alone?’’ she asked.

38
‘’Just waiting for my friend’’ I replied.

‘’You mind if I join?’’ She asked.

‘’Sure!’’

We sat until Marie came, I saw Marie coming from the gate so out of excitement I shouted out
her name and waved at her, I forgot that kehan was sitting besides me. Marie looked at me for
two seconds and then looked away and continued walking towards the class along my other
friends. I wondered what has happened I mean she never did something like this before. I
excused kehan and ran towards Marie, thinking maybe she didn’t see it was me waving at her I
hugged her and told her that I missed her so much and I was so happy to see her in college. She
smiled and walked away.

I went inside the class along with Marie and sat beside her, I looked at her and she didn’t look
back. I tried asking her what’s wrong but all she would say is nothing at all. This started to annoy
me so I just decided to not talk as well, I knew I wanted to talk to her so bad but something was
up and she wasn’t normal like usual I knew something was wrong. But besides me was kehan
sitting, I started talking to her and totally forgot till the class was over that Marie was sitting
besides me and I ignored her. As the class was over I felt the urge to ask Marie what was wrong
for the last time.

‘’What is wrong with you?’’

‘’Nothing is, Glad you made a good friend’’ She replied with sarcasm, got up and went away.

Furious like I usually was, I got angry and instead of going after her this time I sat on my chair
and shouted loud from the back.

‘’Not friend, best friend’’ I replied.

She looked back at me and then went away, seconds later I had regretted what I said because I
knew that would have hurt her feelings. But she kind of over reacted I mean she was a nice
friend, so I continued talking to kehan and ignored what Marie did. I didn’t wanted to make a
fight out of it because I was tired of fighting and I knew she would be okay some time later. We
had little arguments like this often but then it was over after sometime.
9:00 AM

First class was over and me and kehan were talking about random stuff, for seconds I looked out
to see where Marie was because after all I didn’t wanted to say something like this and I felt bad
so I just waited for her to come inside so I could be all nice and cute with her again to lighten up
her mood that is what I usually did I acted childish around her. Few minutes later I see Marie
coming inside the class so I wanted for her to come and sit besides me, instead she came picked
up her bag and put it beside another girl in our group. Now this girl was someone I didn’t like
that much I mean I got weird vibes from her, she sat besides her and started talking.

‘’Seriously?’’ I said out loud.

She didn’t respond and started laughing with the girl. What on earth was this girl doing I
whispered to my self, so instead of just looking I thought I should do the same. I waited all week

39
for her to come and this is what I get? I was sorry before but this time I thought what I said was
absolutely right, kehan wasn’t my best friend but I now I wanted to show her as if she was.
Nothing was intentional, but my anger made me do stupid stuff.

This happened all day me talking to kehan while Marie being with the same girl and trying to
show me that if I can get a new friend so can she, but after all she was only over reacting and I
knew she would realize that what she’s doing is wrong so I just went with the flow and did the
same.

4:00 PM

I wondered all day lying on my bed as why did Marie do this, I mean she is my best friend how
could she make a new friend this instant and ignore me all of the sudden. I waited for her to
message me first apologizing but she didn’t, I waited for her message but I didn’t get a single
message instead I got a message from kehan asking if I was okay. I wondered if this friendship
didn’t mean anything to Marie and she wanted to make a new friend so I didn’t message her too
and talked to kehan. And this time I was pretty serious that I would show Marie what I could
do.

CHAPTER NO 19:

Days passed and things were really upset down, I mean me and Marie barely talked I started
talking more with kehan and started hanging out more with her and Marie started talking to that
girl more. If we ever talked all we did was fought, she fought on how I was so close to kehan
when I wasn’t and I fought on how much close she was with that girl. She was my best friend but
she was acting like a stranger. Some days I used to feel so bad but on the other some days I used
to get angry. Marie almost started hating me and forgot how close we were. Everyday at college I
was with kehan and she was with that girl, we would cross each other’s paths and still not look at
each other. Things were pretty bad but I was used to all of this so it didn’t affect me this much.

12:30 PM

40
I was walking with kehan while listening to her stories about her boyfriend issues, she was
telling me how he was cheating on her, that thing was almost an everyday routine now for
people to cheat on each other in a relationship. While I was walking besides kehan I saw Marie
looking at me then walking away towards the class. I as usual looked away and continued
listening to kehan and her boy friend issues. After some while I started thinking if I should talk
to Marie or not, kehan was speaking and I kept on thinking if I should go or not. After all she
was alone upstairs and this was the right time to talk to her about clearing all the problems
between us.

“I need to go talk to Marie’’ I interrupted kehan.

“Um sure.” She looked at me with suspiciously.

I ran upstairs to see where Marie was, as I reach there I saw Marie sitting alone in the class
using her phone, she stopped scrolling looked up and then looked down again. I stood there for
five minutes waiting for her to talk first but she didn’t, so I thought to start the conversation.
Grabbing a chair besides her chair I sit down and looked at her but she still was looking down at
her phone.

“Leave your phone, we need to talk” I said angrily.

“Talk about what?” She replied.

“About whatever this is going on” I said.

“Hahah, did you fight with your best friend?” She said sarcastically, drinking water.

“She is not my best friend, you are!” I replied with a high voice.

The moment I raised my voice, she picked up the water bottle and threw it hard towards the
wall.

“ I was your best friend until you made another one! “ she shouted.

For a minute there was complete silence, I couldn’t think of saying anything to her I knew she
was insecure about her best friend and so was I, I knew I was at fault that I didn’t realize that
this would go this far but she shouted and that was offending to me. I got up with anger and
went down stairs. I didn’t wanted to say anything to her neither ask why she did this I just
stayed quiet. I grabbed my bag and headed towards home.

41
CHAPTER NO 20:

Yesterday night I was thinking about why did Marie do this and that offended me but she did
not even apologize to me, I know I was wrong but not as wrong to deserve all this. I didn’t
message her this time but neither did she, I knew now things were totally messed up and there
was no going back. We couldn’t be best friends anymore she almost hated me and now I was also
disappointed in her. I was upset about my life already and now this? I hanged around with
kehan and talked to her more but still I used to think about good times with Marie and I missed
her some times but now this friendship was over and I didn’t want to remember anything
anymore.

Today was defense day at college and we were told to wear white clothes. Now defense was
something like people who sacrificed for this country so every year we used to give tribute to

42
those people, and since our college did it too so we had to wear white clothes. But for us it was
just like another party day wearing clothes and partying all day, I wore my old white shirt and
blue jeans and headed towards college. I wasn’t excited because there was barely any excitement
left now.

*Phone beeped*

“Waiting for you” kehan messaged.

I reached college and saw kehan sitting and waiting for me to come, after meeting her I sat
besides her and didn’t speak. She started talking to me but I remained quiet, I didn’t feel like
talking at all. I wondered if Marie would come today because usually when we used to have a
fight she used to miss college and not come. While I look at kehan pretending to listen to her
talk while just lost in my own world and looking at her face, I suddenly see Marie coming inside
from the corridor. She sees me and looks away with anger, I thought maybe today she would
apologize but instead of coming and apologizing she meets the other girl and starts roaming
around with her. Seeing this made me furious I grabbed my bag ignored kehan and walked
away. While I walk away towards the class I hear someone laughing from behind sarcastically, I
knew it was Marie so I ignored it and went.

10:30 PM

Everyone was down while me and my other friends sat upstairs in the class, they as usual were
busy taking pictures while it was just Marie, kehan and I in the class along with another friend. I
was angry about her ignoring me so I decided to do the same and be with kehan all day. While I
talked with kehan I continuously looked at Marie to see if she was looking and getting angry the
same way I did in the morning and it was kind of working.

“Kehan, lets walk outside?” I asked her while looking at Marie.

“Sure” she replied.

I pretended to not look at Marie for once and go out of the room while she was sitting inside
with another friend. We were talking about how I had a crush on this girl who was our junior
and I tried talking to her. My mind was still on how Marie would be reacting inside but I knew
she wouldn’t care less so I continued with talking to kehan and making Marie think I don’t care
as well.

“I’m going and get myself water, you want anything” I asked.

“No, thank you! Come quick” She replied.

Excusing myself from her to get water I went down just for a walk and getting fresh air. I didn’t
want to offend her because she was a very nice girl and she thought she was my best friend, but I
didn’t like listening much specially about boyfriend issues and things Marie and I talked about
were fun. I went down to walk and I see my crush sitting besides her friend. I looked at her and
passed a smile, hoping to talk to her one day.

“Hey! Come upstairs quickly” kehan shouted.

43
“Whats the matter?” I replied.

“Marie is crying” she shouted with tension in her voice.

“What?”

Hearing this I left whatever I was doing and ran like a wind upstairs, as I opened the class room
door with great force i see my friend gathered around her while she was crying. I looked at her
and instantly started feeling bad, guilty and all the emotions at the same time. For a moment I
didn’t know what I should do. I ran towards her and sat beside her.

“I am so sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done this” I sounded guilty.

“I just want to go home” ignoring what I said and crying.

“Marie, i’m really sorry” I continuously repeated.

She wouldn’t stop crying and I regretted all that I did, whatever I did was pathetic but I didn’t
know this would make her cry, I promised to never make her cry and I myself made her cry. She
was my best friend and I turned this friendship into worse. If she didn’t care she wouldn’t be
crying. Continuously I felt bad. I asked my friends to go out for a while so I could talk to her
alone. I knew making her believe that she is my best friend would calm her down. The more she
cried the more I felt guilty. As everyone left I sat down and held her hand.

“Look, I know what I did was wrong but I am so sorry, I am guilty. You are my best friend and
you always will. ‘’Please stop crying” I repeated.

“I don’t like sharing my best friend” She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“I don’t as well, but we are best friends and we will stay forever” I smiled.

That day our bond got stronger. We knew we were best friends forever, she didn’t like sharing
me with someone and I didn’t like that too. Because we were best friends, seeing her cry made
me feel guilty but also made me realize that I could not find a friend like her. After that we sat
and talked about how we made each other jealous and laughed, I told her about my new crush
and she got really happy that I was moving on in my life.

“But I think you could better fit in being my girlfriend” I teased her.

“Never” She laughed.

44
CHAPTER NO 21:

I shouted at the top of my lungs “don’t leave me” continuously and she couldn’t hear me. It was
the same girl from my dream She was walking away farther, I looked around and it was dark,
I got frightened from the dark and the only light I could see was her. I shouted for her to come
back but she moved further and further away, the more she went the darker it got. I closed my
eyes shut as my heartbeat goes faster.

I woke up with the noise of the alarm. I thanked God it was just a dream and I was not in the
dark. I was still frightened because everyday the dream got shadier. This was something to
worry about, why do I get the same dream multiple times? I asked myself. This week things were
going great, I was finally happy with life now and Marie was back too. The weekend was great

45
too, I had my cousins over and we had a quality time. Above all mom and dad didn’t fight since a
week and this was something that was a relief to me. My ex still didn’t try to reach me and I was
finally giving up waiting for her. Because I knew she wouldn’t come back.

After a week of asking our teachers to take us on a trip they finally arranged one for us, this trip
was held once every year. The movie trip! They took us to the nearest cinema where we were
showed a movie and then we were taken to the nearest restaurant it was mcdonalds mostly. I
was excited because Marie and I were meeting after a weekend and also it was so long since I’ve
had a break. I grabbed my all the things that I needed on the trip put them in the bag and went
down.

“You look very happy today” Mom said.

“Finally happy” I replied.

I kissed her and went out in the car, my dad took the responsibility to drop me and the car
started today learning from my mistake like last time I didn’t wanted to wait for my uncle and
wished that the car would not stop today.

8:30 AM

I reached college, and saw everybody standing outside. Everyone was waiting for the bus to
arrive so we could go. Meanwhile I stood there waiting for Marie to come. It was almost 9 and I
was still waiting, I thought maybe she would not come today and I will be alone all day at the
movie so I decided to wait a little more, I continuously checked my phone to see if she has
messaged me or anything telling me she wouldn’t come but there was no message. Few minutes
later I see her coming inside, wearing a blue frock with her hair open.

“Someone looks pretty” I smirked.

“Ah, not really” she rolled her eyes.

We sat in the bus, and headed towards the cinema. Meanwhile we were sitting and talking I
looked besides me and see kehan sitting right there. She waved at me, and I didn’t know what to
do. I looked at Marie and then kehan and then Marie and then kehan. Marie looked at me and as
I look at her I suddenly realize no, not again. So I just smiled at kehan and get back talking to
Marie. I knew she would be proud of what I did.

We reached the cinema and took the far most seats, it was a scary movie and Marie was scared
of scary movies. So I decided to sit with her so she could not feel scared. As the movie started
and everyone was watching it, there suddenly came a scary scene. Marie closed her eyes and
held my hand really tight, for a second I felt something I shouldn’t have been feeling, because we
were best friends and there were some boundaries. She held it until the scene wasn’t over and I
grabbed her hand tight, she suddenly left my hand and continued watching the movie. I looked
at her and suddenly realized what was I doing? I mean what she would be thinking about me.

1:20 PM

46
The movie was over and we were done having lunch, and were heading back towards college.
Everyone was talking about how great the movie was and how well the day went, while me and
Marie sat there quietly with no response, I kept on thinking if it was me holding her hand that
offended her because if it was she would be very disappointed in me, or it was something that
happened at lunch. While we were having lunch I happened to go to kehan and talk to her for a
while, seeing this Marie got angry I didn’t do it intentionally this time everything was done out
of intentions and it turned out in a fight again, but why would she get angry again and again on
the same thing over again,

‘’Marie, are you okay?’’ I whispered.

‘’Yeah, just having a headache’’ she put her head down.

‘’Can I listen to your songs?’’ she asked.

‘’Sure!’’ I replied.

I put on one of my favorite song’s from the playlist and we started listening, after few minutes
while the song was playing Marie started to get upset, it was something was terribly bothering
her and she wasn’t ready to tell, I knew it maybe something about her past but it shouldn’t be I
thought to myself that’s because I didn’t want her to get hurt again thinking about the past. I
paused the song looked at her and said,

‘’Marie, what’s bothering you?’’

‘’This song just remind me of something’’ She replied.

I knew it must be her past so I didn’t bother asking her what was bothering her, I didn’t like
talking about her ex much, and when she did I always used to get upset. She was my best friend
and seeing her hurt was very upsetting to me too.

‘’Oh, but what is it?’’ I hesitated.

‘’All the times I have been mean to you’’ She replied with an upset voice.

Hearing this some how gave me relief or I felt happy, I didn’t know what it was, or I didn’t how
to reply to that. So I just smiled at her and told her that all the things that have ever happened
till now, all those fights were just because we were best friends and we always never wanted to
share each other with someone else specially sharing our friendship, she agreed on to this and
gave me a smile.

‘’I find your eyes really beautiful’’ I complimented looking at her eyes.

Her eyes were brown and when they were exposed to sunlight they were like hazel and beautiful,
that was her best feature I never complimented her about her eyes ever before so I just took the
chance to compliment her, that could have also lighten up her mood,

‘’He used to say the same’’ She replied.

47
I just looked into her eyes for a minute and looked away, I didn’t know why I didn’t like hearing
that, it was my compliment and I didn’t like everything that included him. While I was looking
away, I see her from my foresight looking at me and giving a little laugh. Was she trying to make
me jealous or that was really what he used to say? I continuously thought.

CHAPTER NO 22:

11:30 AM
My crush didn’t come to college today and I was kind of upset about it, I told Marie I wanted to
talk to her or just ask her out once and she told me she will support me on that, everyday she
made videos of her while looking at me so she could show them to me later on and tease me,
some times she would call out names in front of my crush just to mess with her, till now my
crush would have known that I had a crush on her. But everyone told me that she did as well, I
wasn’t sure if she did but the way she looked at me and the way she used to walk in front of me
everyday along her friends this surely gave me a doubt that maybe she had a crush on me as
well. Marie and I decided to talk to her this planning was going on for a week.

Today was going to be really good, firstly I was going over to Marie’s house for the first time and
second it was our friend’s brother’s wedding. After an hour of argument with mom she finally

48
gave me the permission to go to the wedding. Marie lived really far away from college it was
almost two hours away, but I was ready to travel that much after all I was going to my best
friend’s house for the first time. Apart from Marie and her sister they had five other people in
her house, her parents and other siblings that included two brothers and a younger sister. I was
much of an introvert when it came to meeting with families. I was a little shy and more reserved.
Moreover she always told me stories about her dad, knowing all the stories she had told me
about him and how strict he was I wasn’t ready to face him at the first time, I mean you always
need to be ready first.

3:30 PM

We reached her house after two hours of travelling, her house was in a place that I haven’t seen,
her house had greenery all around it and several more houses connecting to it which were also
owned by the other members of her family, she had one big yard with a lot of dogs and another
animals, etc. But apart from all that she had a very sweet family, I liked her house because it was
different from the other houses and it was at built at a very different place, she was rich but not
arrogant about it while I was from a middle class family.

She was very excited to have me at her house we sat in her room and talked about random stuff
while having lunch. While talking about random stuff and how much I liked her family we came
up to the topic of our ex’s, we had more time to talk about it so I told her how for the first time
me and my ex met, that was the first and the last time. Since Marie knew my deepest secrets I
didn’t really hide everything from her, I told her how romantic me and my ex were at her place,
we held hands and hugged and that made me feel so good, through out the whole story all she
did was smiled.

‘’I met my ex too for the first time, in a café’’ She interrupted.

‘’Oh really? Where?’’ I replied.

‘’I hid something from you, that I should tell you now since I trust you and I haven’t told
anyone’’ She looked guilty.

‘’Yes sure go on!’’ I smiled.

‘’That day when me and my ex met, we had physical contact’’ She whispered.
I looked at her and for a minute couldn’t believe what has she said, I cleared my throat and
looked away, from the inside I was having several emotions, anger, sad, furious I didn’t which
one I was exactly feeling, she asked me several times if I want to react on this but I didn’t want
to show anything. I was angry really angry, hearing this made me upset and I didn’t wanted to
stay there anymore, but since I had to go to the wedding I had to stay.

‘’Are you angry?’’ She repeated.

‘’No I am not’’ Hiding my face with my hand.

I didn’t know why am I getting angry about this, I should feel normal after all that was her ex
and she can do anything she wanted to, but I wasn’t getting normal the more I thought about
this thing the more I was getting angry, seeing this made her upset too she thought if I didn’t
like what she said, she took me to her yard and asked me several times if what made me upset, I

49
didn’t know the answer myself as to what made me so upset. I continuously asked myself what is
making me angry, is it him or hearing this?

7:00 PM

Three hours passed by and I was still upset about this thing, Marie kept on asking what
happened to me I didn’t wanted to offend her by saying something mean so I decided to just stay
quiet, she cared for me more that day, something was different that day something about her
made me feel different, on the night of the wedding she sat besides me all time and asked me if I
was still upset about it, she asked if something was bothering me, something was but I myself
didn’t knew what was. So I ignored what had she said to me in the afternoon and just spent time
with her, the time that was left. More over she was looking beautiful in a peach dress with her
hair tight around at the back with light make up on her face which made her more beautiful, I
was hesitating to compliment her so I just looked at her all time around.

‘’Thank you for coming today, I will always remember this day’’ She held my hand and said.

I looked into her eyes and saw something different this time, it was not what I usually felt, I
grabbed her hand and just smiled, I had no words to say I wasn’t feeling to talk about
something.

‘’Have you had dinner? I wont eat until you wont’’ She rolled her eyes.

‘’I don’t feel like having it’’ I pretended a laugh.

‘’Marie!’’ A friend called out her name.

She told me that she would be right back and went, I instantly realized that I was blessed to have
a best friend like her, but I was feeling something un usual that day, something I haven’t ever
felt before. No one had ever cared for me like she did, and that was suppose to be a good thing
for me but all the emotions were mixed up.

The wedding was almost over and I had to head back home, mom was continuously calling me
up, I went inside to tell Marie that I was leaving but I saw her laughing along with my other
friends and that made me happy from the inside so I just didn’t want to bother her, I went
outside without meeting her and headed back home.

‘’I came back home, sorry didn’t meet you, you were busy’’ I messaged.

While I was heading back home I continuously had thoughts in my head about why did all this
bothering me so much, I for seconds thought is this something beyond friendship, am I feeling
something?

‘’No no’’ I shook my head.

11:30 PM

Phone beeped

‘’You left without meeting me I wanted to meet you, did you have dinner?’’ She replied

50
I picked up my phone and started to type,

‘’Thank you for today, but you shouldn’t be caring this much for me’’ I replied.

‘’Why? Did something happen, are you okay?’’ she asked.

‘’I just don’t want you to care for me that much. Goodnight’’ I replied.

Phone beeped

‘’Oh okay, Take care’’ She said.

I knew what I said to her was wrong and hurting but I didn’t wanted her to care for me this
much so it turns out to be something she didn’t want, I mean I was already doubting everything.
I switched off my phone and went to sleep.

CHAPTER NO 23:

September 25th 2017

Few weeks passed by and things were still very confusing, I was still confused about what
bothered me so much and that feeling was still not going away, this time I was quiet sure I felt
something out of friendship something which our ancestors call is love, but love? No way she
was my best friend and she hated to listen such stuff from me, some days I would think its just
me over thinking, but every time I thought about the thing she told me at her house I used to get
angry, like the anger was permanent and it was not going away, I desperately wanted an answer
about all of this. Since Marie was my only best friend and this was about her so I couldn’t tell
her, we did talk everyday and more often then.

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So I just to get answers of my questions, I called over another friend of mine, she was a very
close friend and almost helped me every problem of mine, so I asked her to come where I can
meet her so I could tell her what was going on and know what was the problem. We sat in a
restaurant and she waited for a few minutes until I would start the conversation, I told her how I
got angry over something really stupid that was related to Marie’s ex, which I shouldn’t have and
now I think I’m starting to have feelings for her. After telling her each and every detail I was
curious to know what she would say, I wanted the answer to be no,

‘’I think you like her’’ She smirked.

‘’What? No way we’re friends’’ I replied.

‘’You get angry when she talks about her ex, or pays less attention to you right?’’ She asked.

‘’Yes but, our friendship will be over if I told her something’’ I sighed.

After she had told me that I started to feel for her I was confused what to do, she suggested me
to wait for a few days maybe it was just attraction and I believed her so I wanted to wait but on
the other hand I wanted to see if maybe Marie feels the same way about me and is scared to tell
just like I am? I didn’t know how to see if she feels the same way so I ended up on thinking to
make her feel jealous, but this time not by kehan but by my ex. I called her while sitting on the
roof of the building, my heart was beating hard, this was the first time I felt nervous.

‘’Hello!’’ She answered.

‘’Um hi, how are you?’’ I took a deep breath.

‘’I am good, how are you? What’s up’’ she replied.

I waited for a few seconds to think what to say, so I pretended to be very happy and replied,

‘’I am just thinking to go to my ex’s house’’ I pretended to sound happy.

After a pause of few seconds, she replied.

‘’Oh’’
Oh? That’s all she said? That made more doubt in my head about this situation. She didn’t react
angry neither happy but all she gave me was a one word answer. I tried taking the conversation
further by telling her that I missed my ex but she didn’t answer to my questions that would
make me believe that was something was going on in her mind, but on the other hand I thought
that all this I’m doing is a waste of time because eventually this friendship was going to be over
after Marie will hear that I have developed feelings for her, everything was turning upside down
for me once again I didn’t wanted to lose her by my own mistakes. My head was bursting with
different thoughts and all that seemed right to me was just to tell her and go far away from her.

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CHAPTER NO 24:

SEPTEMBER 26TH 2017,

10:35 AM

I sat alone on the bench wondering if this is the right time to tell Marie what have I thinking
about her, I didn’t wanted to end this friendship obviously It mattered the most to me but now
things were almost changing I was developing feelings for her, although I knew they were just
temporary but if I would stay with her more I would develop more feelings, so ending this
friendship was the only solution I got. I was ignoring her since morning and didn’t talk much,
she was continuously asking me what was going on in my mind but she had no idea about this,
she assumed if I was upset over the same thing that she told me or if it was my ex, multiple
thoughts were coming into her mind but she didn’t guess what was actually on my mind because

53
she wouldn’t even imagine such a thing. Despite of all the time she told me that we are just ‘’Best
friends’’ and will stay like that that made me worried even more if she would get angry or just
slap me and walk away, anything was predicted in this case.

While I sat on the bench still thinking about what to do because time was running short and she
was starting to get upset, the last class we took I barely talked to her and ignored her, seeing this
offended her. I was hurt too because I didn’t wanted to hurt her by doing this but after all this
was for her good. I didn’t care if it would hurt me but going away was a better option then.

After a while of thinking, I saw her coming out of the class and coming towards me, something
that always stopped me from going away was she herself, whenever I saw her there was
something that always stopped me, something that me told me from the inside that no, I cant let
this precious person go away from me and since when I started to feel for her, she became more
important to me. Whenever I saw her I used to feel stronger and happier, and I didn’t wanted to
change that at all. But I had no choice.

‘’Why are you sitting here alone?’’ She asked.

‘’Um, because I want to be alone I guess?’’ I replied while looking away.

‘’You are ignoring me, have you noticed that? And not telling me what’s wrong?’’ She sounded
angry.

‘’Nothing is wrong, I just can’t tell you. But.’’ I stopped.

‘’But what?’’ She asked.

‘’Nothing, I just can’t tell this will ruin our friendship’’ I got up and walked away.

‘’Wait!’’ She shouted.

I stopped there besides the basketball court and didn’t look back. I heard her coming behind me.
It was just she and I in the ground. She looked furious and made me feel like she’s going to say
its either over or you tell me, like my ex gave me a choice and I ended up finishing everything.

‘’You tell me what’s wrong right now, why would you hide something from me I’m your best
friend. Nothing will matter’’ She insisted.

‘’I cant, I just don’t have guts’’ I started to walk away again.

She walked behind me and kept on asking me,

‘’Is it what I am thinking? It shouldn’t be that’’ She said.

‘’What do you think it is?’’ I kept on walking pretending to not listen.

‘’Are you jealous?’’ She sounded confused.

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I stopped there, like her question stopped me and I couldn’t move, I started to get frightened my
heart beat was on the rate of 100 per second like I was on a roller coaster that was about to go
down and I am too scared to take the ride. I felt like my one answer would change everything, it
will either bring her closer to me or just take her away very far and the second option was the
most expected, I looked back at her and replied.

‘’Marie its over, our friendship is over. I’m sorry’’ and walked away fast towards the class.

‘’What? Wait’’ I heard her from behind.

I ran upstairs to the class and shut the door behind. I sat on the chair with my hands on the face
and screamed louder than I could, thinking what did I do? Did I make things even worse than
they were before, I wanted to go to her and tell her I am sorry but I couldn’t because I had to do
this and when I did why was I regretting so much. I sat there for one hour being upset and angry
over my life.

Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to be but at the end everything
eventually turns out to be fine, that was something that I always believed on. I knew right now I
am getting angry over something I want but what about her? What about what she wants and
what she would feel after hearing all of this. She did get an idea of what was going on now but
later on she would regret being friends with me in the first place because I have crossed the
boundaries.

While I laid my head on the chair, I heard the classroom door opening. I didn’t bother to look up
because I thought it would be some one trying to see if I was crying because that was what
people usually did when you would put your head down on something. I heard footsteps coming
near to me and standing in front of me. I opened my eyes and looked up, it was Marie. She
looked at me with tears in her eyes as If she was crying the whole time. She didn’t say anything
but just looked for a few seconds with questioning eyes on what was all this going on, she was
too innocent to be hurt again and by her only best friend that was even worse. She held my hand
trying to make me stand up,

‘’Don’t do this, were best friends and I don’t want to finish anything’’ she tried hugging me.

‘’No Marie, I don’t want to hug and everything is finished sorry I can’t do this’’ I replied.

She pulled my hand and insisted me to hug her but I stopped, that was not because I didn’t want
to. Hugging her was the only thing I was wanting at that time. But she still wasn’t sure what I
was talking about or was she just pretending to not know. She pushed my hand away and just
left with saying nothing at all, I tried stopping her but I didn’t want to.

6:00 PM

I wanted to message her and apologize to her on how I behaved but if I would make her hate me
that was how I thought she would leave me and be happy. After I came home she called me up
several times to ask what the matter is but I didn’t pick and finally ended up switching off my
phone. I heard my mom calling my name from down, I was feeling so upset that I was not in a
mood to talk to anyone so I just ignored her voice and pretended to sleep.

Door opened

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‘’Your friend is on the call’’ my sister shouted.

‘’I am trying to sleep, go away!’’ I closed my ears.

‘’She says it’s something really important’’ She said.

I suddenly realized maybe it’s something about Marie that my friend has to tell me, so I should
go listen to what she has to say. I ran down and picked up the phone.

‘’Hello?’’ I answered.

‘’Why have you switched off your phone? God dammit.’’ She said angrily.

‘’What happened?’’ I replied.

‘’You should talk to Marie, she’s crying a lot and I guess she has gotten sick!’’ She said.

‘’Sick, what do you mean?’’ I got tensed.

‘’Just talk to her’’ She dropped the call.

‘’Hello! You there?’’ I repeated.

I got extremely tensed and went to grab my phone from my room, I quickly turned it on and saw
millions of messages from Marie, but there was one last message of her and that said,

‘’Fine I guess this is the end, I wont bother you anymore. Take care’’

I called her up ignoring everything that was going on, because she was crying and that mattered
to me I didn’t want her to cry or be upset over anything, I was feeling worse I felt like I don’t
deserve to have someone so precious like her. My heart was breaking again and again by
thinking about how I made her cry.

‘’Hello!’’ She answered.

I stayed quiet for a few seconds wondering what to say, should I apologize? I thought to myself.

‘’What happened to you, are you sick?’’ I asked

‘’No, I am not. I just…’’ She paused and sniffed.

I heard her crying over the phone and that made me feel worse about my self. I was the worst
person on the planet earth and that time and it felt like I shouldn’t be living but instead I felt like
dying.

‘’Marie I am so sorry I just hate myself’’ I sighed.

‘’No, it’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry’’ She replied.

I dropped the phone feeling worse, and seconds later tears started to fall from my eyes. My
intentions were not to hurt her but to make her happy but it turned out to be the opposite of it.

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She was crying and she got sick. I was not able to talk to her over phone since I was losing
control over my emotions so I started typing a message to her.

‘’Marie, I know what I did to you is wrong but I didn’t do it intentionally. I am the worst person
on earth at this time but I don’t want to let you go. I am sorry for what I did. I thought you
knowing all of this would ruin our friendship. I don’t know how all of this happened and I am
sorry for that. But I assure you we will always be best friends nothing will change, I will never
cross my limits and stay best friends just like the way you want it. You are very important to me
and I don’t want to see a single tear in your eye. I am sorry, pleas forgive me. Nothing is going to
change we will be best friends forever’’

Few seconds later I got a reply,

‘’Don’t be sorry I know what you did was unintentionally but I promise you whatever it is I will
support you and nothing will change, everything will be alright you just don’t have to keep
anything inside you and get hurt. Tell me and I promise we will fix everything together’’

This message gave me a relief but also made me hurt from the inside that I was wrong, instead of
hurting her I just would have told her maybe she would understand like she is now. She always
had supported me and there was no way she wasn’t now. So that day I made a promise to myself,
no matter what I do, where I am, or who I am I will never leave her and always stay by her side
forever. There is no ‘’but’s’’ anymore.

CHAPTER NO 25:

SEPTEMBER 27TH 2017,

I was relieved about things messing up with Marie, I still didn’t tell her about my feelings but I
sure was sure that no matter what it is, we wont leave each other’s side. Apart from that my
friend had told me to tell her about my feelings, so she would know how I feel maybe she feels
the same way back. But I was sure she didn’t feel the same way back. Since we had birthday’s in
the same month so I was already panning a good birthday for her and make her happy.

I was staying at my aunt’s house, winter holidays were almost coming up and we always stayed
at our aunt’s house on any kind of holidays. She is more like a second mother to my sister and
me. I was watching TV in the cozy weather with my quilt on and drinking coffee. It was my ex’s
birthday tomorrow the last time when it was her birthday we were together but we didn’t spend
it because we fought, even on the most special occasions all we did was fought. I was kind of

57
upset over it but I had finally moved on, I knew I had feelings for Marie which I thought were
not temporary but since I wanted them to finish so things don’t mess up again with Marie I
ignored the fact that it was not just feelings I was actually falling in love with her.

Since the day I developed feelings for her, I didn’t live a day without talking to her or hearing her
voice or looking at her, some days when I could just not see her at college. I would look at her
pictures and feel blessed to have someone so special in my life I mean if that isn’t love then what
it is it?

Few hours back Marie and I had a fight over the same topic again, she wanted me to tell her
what’s up and that made me angry, even after giving her all of the hints she still couldn’t figure
out what I am trying to say, but this time our friend was in the conversation as well, I left the
conversation so she told me that she will handle the situation and tell Marie what

11:55 PM

Phone rings

‘’Hello!’’ I answered.

‘’How are you?’’ It was Marie.

‘’I’m fine what about you?’’ I replied.

‘’Can I ask you something?’’ She asked.

‘’Yes sure?’’ I hesitated.

‘’Do you have feelings for me?’’ She asked.

For a few seconds I stayed quiet, I thought if doing is this right, I continuously thought what to
tell her or how should I tell her,

‘’Hello, are you there?’’ she repeated

‘’Answer me’’ She repeated.

I still stayed quiet I was building guts into myself, but she was waiting for my answer and I
couldn’t stay quiet for any longer.

SEPTEMBER 28TH 2017, 12:00 AM

‘’Yes!’’ I replied.

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CHAPTER NO 26:

Monday, 29th September 2018

8:00 AM

It was the first day I was going to college after telling Marie about my feeling, I was nervous on
how would she react or how will I face her after everything that had happened. She didn’t react
much when I told her but she didn’t even ruin this friendship. She did ask me if I wanted to have
a relation with her but I said no, I knew she wasn’t ready for a relation yet she didn’t have
feelings for me but I was happy that I told her about my feelings and now everything was going
to be okay. I still had some questions in my head that needed to be answered, but the bigger
question was about what is going to happen later. I reached college half n hour before the class
was about to start, and before Marie comes. I walked towards the class, stopped and looked
myself in the mirror. Do I look okay? I asked myself. I was a bit nervous because it seemed like it

59
was the first time I was going to meet her, just like a blind date and I have to impress her with
everything.

I as usual sat besides the window and waited for her to come, today was a big day for me. I had
very less big days in my life. And today was a really big day for me not because I told her about
my feelings but that I finally got guts to accept what I want to tell. I was always a person who
had no guts to tell anyone about my feelings but in her case it was different I got guts, and above
all I got someone who understood my feelings and supported me instead of just leaving me
thinking I am weird.

I put my head against the window and close my eyes wondering what would it be like to actually
have her, I wasn’t owning her today but what would it actually be like I wondered. I knew it
would be beautiful to have someone like her and even if I don’t get I’m sure who ever does is
going to be very lucky. I open my eyes and see her coming towards the door she looked really
beautiful to me. I mean that was how she usually looked but that today she looked different and
beautiful, was it me or was she really looking beautiful, I kept staring and suddenly realized she
turned her head and looked at me. I got up nervously and pretended as if I didn’t look. My heart
was fast and that usually happened when some suspense was about to break or usually when I
was around someone I loved. Few moments later I glimpsed at her coming inside the class I still
pretended like I didn’t see her. I didn’t want to show her that I was too flirty or something.

As I pretend not to look at her and just stare at the blank white board, she sat with me and
looked at me for a second, then smile and said,

‘’I am sitting here’’

‘’Oh, hi how are you?’’ I pretended like I didn’t see her.

‘’I am good, why are you acting like this?’’ She gave a weird look.

‘’What? Me? No way’’ I looked around.

She looked at me and gave me a smile like she knew what I was trying to do or how I was feeling
at that time, but the moment she sat with me, my heart was continuously going up and down, I
was sweating although it was freezing outside and I was nervous, I never felt that way around
anyone not even my ex but I was feeling like that. If my feelings were temporary things wouldn’t
be happening the way they were happening that time, I wouldn’t be feeling things you feel when
you’re in love. I knew I was screwed because I was in LOVE.

12:00 PM

Everyone was downstairs, while Marie and I sat upstairs alone in the class. We still didn’t talk
about that day, or anything related to my feelings and I was sure this was the time we should
talk about this. I wondered where should I start from, should I ask her how she felt about me
telling her that I liked her or should I just stay quiet and let her do the talk, as I was about to say
something she interrupted.

‘’Why did you like ME?’’ Specifically

‘’What do you mean?’’ I replied.

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‘’I mean, why me? You can get anyone you want. Why someone like me?’’ She asked.

‘’You don’t have control over your heart or feelings, and you’re a perfect girl’’ I smiled.

‘’Well these feelings are temporary they will finish’’ She looked away

‘’And what if they are permanent?’’ I looked into her eyes.

She looked at me for a second she didn’t know what to say as if she got stunned or just didn’t
have any answer for this question. She just didn’t want me to like her because she thought she
wasn’t good enough for me. I knew she was scared that these are just temporary feelings and if
she falls for them she would be hurt again and I just wanted to make her believe that these
feelings are permanent and I could love her instead of just liking her. This was about to take too
much time and too much effort but I was ready to do it, I never wanted to fall in love again but
falling for her wasn’t going to be a regret for me I was sure. I didn’t know if it was me or was my
gut feeling tell me that this is the right girl for me. Instead of giving me an answer for the
question I asked her, she said

‘’We will see’’.

CHAPTER NO 27:

6:00 AM

I woke up with the sound of rain drops, I looked outside and it was heavily raining. The sky was
half grey and half blue. I looked at the clock and it was just six in the morning. I tried closing my
eyes again but I couldn’t sleep something was bothering me. So I just moved away the curtains
and lay down on my bed. I liked watching the rain dripping. I took out my phone to look if Marie
was awake, because she usually would be awake at this hour and also she liked rain the way I
did. I knew I was missing her, because I wanted to talk to her I continuously checked if she
would be online and I could tell her that I miss her but she wasn’t and I didn’t want to disturb
her.

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I just went in my gallery and started scrolling down to her pictures. One by one I would look at
her pictures and realize how could someone this perfect degrade herself? I wanted to make her
believe that she is not what she thinks she is I wanted to let her know that she’s not like any
other girl on this planet earth and how lucky I am to be the one who is loving her. I didn’t want
to be with her because I wanted to be I wanted to be with her because I wanted to change her, I
wanted to make her feel important and above all I wanted to make her accept herself the way I
see her not the way she sees herself. Even if she wasn’t willing to be with her I would still stay
there to love her and care for her.

‘’Dude, you are screwed’’ I whispered to myself.

It was 6 AM and raining, and I knew for sure I was screwing up.

12:00 PM

*Phone beeped*

‘’Are you coming to the birthday tomorrow?’’

I totally forgot it was our friend’s birthday tomorrow who was also Marie’s cousin. It was going
to be at her house and I still didn’t ask mom about going to her birthday. The last time I went to
her house my mom strictly told me this was the last time. But well whenever my mom said it’s
the last time it never was. But I was too scared to ask her this time because exams were coming
up but I also didn’t want Marie to get disappointed because I promised her I would be coming
and I didn’t want to ruin it for her. I waited until I don’t ask my mom about going to the
birthday I won’t reply to Marie. I went to check If my mom was in a good mood and if she wasn’t
I would ask my elder sister to talk to her about this. Well my sister was useful in some cases at
least. I went downstairs and saw my mom working in the kitchen, I am her favorite child though
and it wasn’t hard for me to ask her but I still was scared.

‘’Hi mom’’ I gave her a wide smile.

‘’Yes’’ She replied.

‘’Nothing, just wanted to tell you that I am proud to be your child’’ I gave a cute look.

‘’What do you want?’’ She replied sarcastically.

‘’Mom, can I go to my friend’s birthday I’ll be back before midnight I promise, please!’’ I
insisted.

‘’You are coming back before midnight!’’ She said.

I ran upstairs with excitement to let her know that I was coming, I picked up the phone and
started to type the message as I was typing the message I stopped and thought for a second that
why shouldn’t I surprise her instead of just telling her now, I knew she would get surprised
seeing me at her house without knowing that I am coming so I made a plan and not let her know
that I was coming, instead I just told her I didn’t get the permission.

‘’I’m sorry but I didn’t get the permission’’

I eagerly waited for her reply and reaction, few seconds later I got a reply from her,

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*Phone beeped*

‘’But you promised me’’ She got disappointed.

‘’Yes but I am sorry I don’t think I will be able to make it’’ I sounded upset.

‘’Oh okay’’ She replied.

I laughed a little from the inside, I was feeling bad at making her feel disappointed but I knew
she would be very happy later seeing me all of the sudden, so I continued with lying to her about
not coming the whole day. That is what I loved about her she was too innocent from the inside,
she would believe anything someone would tell her and that made me love her more she was not
one of those girls who were clever or too suspicious instead she was innocent and sweet.

CHAPTER NO 28:

October 21st, 2017

9:00 AM

It was our friend’s birthday and as I lied to Marie about not coming to the birthday I managed to
keep the secret to myself, she didn’t come to college and decided to stay at home. That was
something better for me since I lied to her about not coming it would have been more fun if she
was not in college because then this way she wouldn’t have known that I was coming. It was
sports day already at college so we decided to leave as soon as we could so this way we could get
more time to have fun. While I was at college I got a call from Marie asking me if I was really not
coming or I am just teasing her. I made a very upsetting voice and told her that I seriously am
not coming and she shouldn’t be waiting for me.

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We headed off from the college, this was the first time I was meeting her somewhere out from
college and I knew this would be a memorable day. My love for her was very special I liked doing
little things for her that would bring a smile on her face I knew she was still confused about my
feelings if they are temporary or real. She didn’t accept nor did she say something about her
feelings. We weren’t in an official relationship but she did treat me like someone really special to
her and I was okay with it because I promised her we would be best friends forever and even if
she didn’t like me back I am totally okay with it.

After one hour of long drive we finally reached to their house, since Marie’s house was beside
their house so I could easily go there and surprise her, I went inside her house and saw the door
open so I eventually didn’t care and walked in as I did I saw her sitting on her couch with her
blanket on, she saw me and got shocked for a second. She wasn’t expecting me coming first of
all, but then coming and seeing her like this? That was more of a funny moment for me. She
smiled way wider than she normally did but she didn’t say a word since she was too shocked to
accept the reality that I was actually there.

‘’surprise’’ I laughed.

‘’I knew you were lying’’ She smiled.

‘’Well, that was just to see your reaction’’ I replied.

We sat and talked for a long time and we didn’t realize it was almost evening, she didn’t take
much time to get ready since she was a girl who didn’t like much make up she was more like a
simple girl. She wore pink color with her hair open and tied at the back, she looked extremely
beautiful to me, her simpleness always made me fall in love with her again and again. She was
conscious about her clothes and how she was looking but I constantly made her realize that she
was looking very beautiful. Sometimes she wouldn’t care at all and sometimes she would get
very conscious about her dressing but that was all because she didn’t want to get compared to
other girls and feel dumb. Even in the most simplest clothes and simplest look she looked
beautiful.

7:00 PM

We were all sitting in the room enjoying the birthday while I started teasing Marie over the girl I
had crush on at college, I wanted to test her to see if she would be jealous or not. While I asked
her if she wanted to see her ex’s pictures and then joked about it. She got angry about it and
didn’t talk to me for a while. I followed her everywhere and asked her what was wrong since I
didn’t know what she was angry about but she didn’t say a single word all she said was that I
don’t want to talk to you. My intentions were not to make her angry but she got offended and
that was making me upset. I knew it was my fault I shouldn’t have joked about all of that but she
wasn’t ready to fix her mood and I didn’t wanted to leave until she was okay.

We sat on the couch while I sat besides her, I looked at her and started asking constantly that
what was wrong with her she hid her face so I could not look at her but I liked looking at her so I
kept staring sometimes when I would be staring at her that was when I was appreciating
everything about her and noticing everything about her and realizing that shes an angel.

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‘’I am sorry’’ I said

“Its okay’’ she looked away.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you” I replied.

She didn’t respond to me and looked away, I was feeling extremely guilty because I didn’t
wanted to hurt her anymore and since I told her that my feelings are not temporary and ill prove
it to her this was becoming the first step to my disappointment. I was scared to disappoint her or
make her believe that I am just like other guys those who hurt girls, and since she was observing
me I knew I would mess up everything.

“Let’s go we are getting late” My friend shouted.

I looked at her with an upset face and told her I was about go and that I am sorry. She looked at
me and said,

“I think we should go to my house to get your stuff”

We walked to her house to get my stuff and there I could talk to her more personally because we
would have been alone, she didn’t say anything while we walked towards her house she was
quiet the whole time and the more she was quiet the more I was feeling guilty about myself and
feeling disappointed. We went inside her room and I stopped and looked at her, she pretended
to look busy and started assembling her things on her shelf.

“‘Marie, listen to me” I said.

“Yes?” She assembled things.

“Whats wrong please tell me” I asked

“Nothing is” she replied.

“I am really sorry that was not intentionally” while holding her hand.

She took her hand away and got up,

“I think we should leave since its getting late” she said.

“I am going” I looked into her eyes.

She looked at me for a few seconds like she realized that I was just joking and that my feelings
were real and not temporary she gave me a look full of sadness, then she opened her arms and
asked me to hug her. I didn’t know if that was the right time or place to hug her but I didn’t
think of anything I felt so guilty that hugging her was the only thing that would have fixed her
mood and mine as well. Without a second thought I went closer to her and wrapped my arms

65
around her waist while hugging her tight. She hugged me even tighter and it went for few
minutes.

“We should leave now” she tried to push me away

I didn’t bother what she said and still continued hugging her, after few seconds she pushed me
away and went outside. For a minute I didn’t know what had happened. I hugged her but this
was something different I wouldn’t do that with someone out of love. This was screwing me up
even more. I felt relieved and loved while I was close to her. I didn’t stop but why didn’t I, I
wondered. It was awkward for both of us and we didn’t say anything to each other after that. But
that hug made me feel good but also upset I didn’t know why was I so upset and so was she. I
thought maybe she is regretting doing all this.

We sat in the car since everybody was going to drop us to our homes. I sat next to her in the car
and looked at her. Everybody else was busy having fun while we just sat quiet and I looked at
her. As if every voice around me was getting steeper and steeper and all I could see was her. She
looked at me and then held my hand from the down. I felt like I didn’t want this day to pass and
I didn’t want to leave her hand. She had tears in her eyes and she looked really upset. I didn’t say
anything to her but just looked at her.

“Stop looking” she whispered with tears.

I held her hand tight and made her feel that I love her and I would not leave her side at any cost,
she held my hand tighter to tell me that she believed in me. That was the way we shared our
feelings. She put her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt very good to me like I was
in heaven. I never had emotional feelings about anyone but I did for her. All way long we held
hands while I just thought about always being besides her at any cost and love her no matter
what happens.

12:00 AM
I got insulted by mom because I was two hours late. She grounded me and told me that I was not
allowed to go anywhere from now on. I didn’t feel anything because I was still lost in everything
that had happened that day. I laid on my bed and thought how blessed I am to have someone so
perfect with me, I never wanted to let her go I realized that day because our feelings were true
for each other and there is no I was going to leave her at any cost.

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CHAPTER NO 29:

Sunday morning, I put my headphones on and play the song ‘’Here without you’ .I remember
listening to this song when I was young. It was probably released in the 90’s it was one of my
favorites. Everyone was over for dinner. Weekend was usually when everybody in the family
gathered for dinner at our house because that was where our grandparents lived. I was more of
an introvert when it came to family gatherings and occasions. I would sit alone at the side with
my headphones on whether the song was playing or not, or I would probably go to sleep until
every one left. But above all it didn’t matter I was there or not because I was the most different
child of the family. The only person I got along with was my niece. She is adorable. I could spend
time with her for days and still wouldn’t get tired.

‘’wouldn’t you join us?’’ My sister asked.

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‘’I am not in the mood’’ I replied.

‘’We are going out for coffee, I want you to come’’ She said.

‘’But’’ I said.

Meanwhile my cousin interrupted and said,

‘’We don’t have space in the car either way’’ Sarcastically.

I smiled because I knew nobody wanted me to come and to be honest I was happy about it,
sometimes I would feel bad about it but some days I was happy to be the only mature person in
this family and not immature like the other kids. And going out with my uncle’s children? No
way, their father hated me and so did they but I didn’t bother much about it because I knew I
had Marie and that was the only thing that mattered, bearing other people’s hatred was
acceptable.

It was almost a month since I told Marie about my feelings, and I still haven’t said I love you to
her, before I had confessed to her there were times we would randomly say I love you to each
other but as friends, but now it felt like everything was different. Like I didn’t know her at all
and this was the first time I was getting to know her, like she was a different person than my old
best friend, like I was a different person. All my guts were gone my confidence had flew away. I
wanted to tell her so many things. I wanted to speak my heart out and let her know how much I
loved her, I wanted to tell her about days when I miss her the most, I wanted to tell her that how
much she means to me and how much I desperately want to be with her. But I knew this wasn’t
the right time because we weren’t in a relationship yet. It was not an official relationship but
there was love and that is what was needed the most at that time.

Our birthdays were just one month away and I wanted to make it special for her, maybe give her
a surprise or write her something. I was confused since I haven’t ever given any surprises to my
ex and I had no idea about all this. While I think about giving her a surprise I get a call,

*Phone rings*

‘’hello” I answered.

‘’Hi’’ said Marie

‘’how are you?” I asked.

“Fine, can I ask you something?” She said.

“Sure” I replied.

“Um, are you sure about me?” she hesitated.

“Sure about what?” I got confused.

“Sure about me, I mean I am not your type” She said.

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When she said this I realized that’s the only thing that’s keeping her from confessing herself. She
thought she wasn’t good for me, she thought I wont be able to handle her. Despite of how my ex
was she thought she wouldn’t be the right girl for me. This one thought was annoying her and
jus to be sure she called me and asked me.

“How can I be not sure about you? Why would I have feelings for you in the first place?” I
insisted.

“But I know how I am in a relationship” she said.

“Relationship?” I asked.

“I mean you want a relationship, right?” She asked.

I wasn’t sure what to say because I was afraid to admit that I wanted her and I did want a
relationship with her, it was not that I didn’t think she was not right for me but because I didn’t
want to force her into some kind of relation where she would not be happy, I didn’t want to do
things beyond her choice. So before I would be sure that she will be happy I didn’t say a word.

“Um, I don’t know” I said.

Chapter No 30:

It was winter holidays from college and I was already missing her, I wanted to see her so bad.
My birthday was coming up in three days and I was happy that I would meet her and she was
happy because my birthday was coming up. It was eleven in the morning and I was cleaning my
room, I opened my drawer and there I saw a ring, this was the reason that I bought when two
years ago and planned to give it to my ex. We didn’t meet after that so I didn’t get a chance to
give it to her. It was plain and silver in color, it had little stones on it covered which were shiny
and silver too. I looked at the ring and realized I didn’t get a chance to give it to my ex because
she broke up with me. Suddenly I remembered something from months back when Marie and I
were friends.

March 12th, 2017.

10:00 AM

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Marie and I were sitting outside the class and talking about random stuff, while I open my wallet
and show her something. It was the ring I had gotten for my ex. I felt upset after looking at the
ring and I wondered that why it was with me till 2 years and I still didn’t get a chance to give it to
her. I showed it to Marie and said,

“This was the ring I got for her but I never gave her” I got upset.

“You know why?” She said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because maybe it’s for someone who deserves it and someone who’s the right girl for you” she
said.

“You are right” I agreed.

As I think about this moment from months back I suddenly realized that she herself is the girl
who is right for me and deserves me and she should be the one getting this ring. Back then we
didn’t know I would fall for her nor did I know that I have it still for her. I just went on thinking
that this ring is the most special ring for me and this will only go in the hands of who deserves it.
So quickly I thought of giving it to her. I wondered if I don’t have guts to tell her that I want a
relation with her at least I can propose her and when I do that, if she says yes this means she is
happy with me and if she rejects this means she doesn’t want to yet.

I searched for places where I could propose her and ways about how I can. There was a Eiffel
tower statue near our house this was not the original one because we weren’t living in Europe
but it was a replica and it was beautiful. So I decided to propose her over there under the Eiffel
tower with lots of roses and lanterns up in the sky. I was too nervous if she would like this idea
or not, So I ended up deciding that I would Propose her on my birthday instead of her’s. Ill call
her by telling her that its my birthday and give her a surprise.

I started writing her a note and gathered all the things I

Would need, it was just two days till my birthday and I wanted to make it special for her not for
me. Writing a note to her was the only option I could have asked to be my girlfriend, because I
didn’t have guts to say it loud. I took a paper and a pen and started writing,

“Dear Marie, I wanted to let you know that my feelings for you are not temporary. I love you
with all my heart. I know you think that you are not good enough for me, but I think I would
be very lucky to have you. Since you have come into my life, it’s only been better. You made me
happy when I was upset and always made me feel good about my self. I know I don’t deserve a
perfect girl like you but I love you and I am not lying. You are the most beautiful girl I have
ever met and the most innocent girl. I know there will be several thoughts in your mind, but I
am ready to accept that and answer all your questions. I won’t ever force you into this relation
its all up to you, if you are happy I am happy. But yes! Even if you reject me today I won’t feel
upset i’ll still love you with all my heart. You will always be my precious one and I promise to
make you happy and be on your side no matter what. So will you be my girlfriend?”

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I wrote this and folded into a half, I put it in a bag where all the other things were kept. I read
the note again and again to check if I was missing something or if this was too cringe. This was
the first time I was going to propose a girl, and specially someone I get nervous around. I called
my friend and told her about the idea she told me she loved it and she will be very happy to join
us. I needed someone to support me there.

*phone ringed* It was Marie. I picked up and pretended like I was doing nothing.

“Hello” I answered.

“Where are you”? She asked.

“At home, why?” I said.

“Well, you didn’t message me that is why” She said.

“Uhh I was um busy, are we meeting on my birthday?” I asked.

“Yes obviously! Why you asking?” She got suspicious.

“Haha no just generally you know” with a steep voice.

“Are you up to something”? She asked.

She would easily know if I was up to something or I was trying to do something and hiding from
her. She would get suspicious and start asking me. She knew when I was hiding something from
her. But I acted like its nothing and I am just trying to be nice to her. I changed the topic and
started asking her about what she wants on her birthday. I know I should have surprised her on
her birthday but first I didn’t want her sister to know and everybody else that we were in some
kind of relation and second she would have known then. So my birthday was the best option.
And if her answer would be yes I would get happier and my birthday would be even more
special.

CHAPTER NO 31:

07th November, 2017.

I turned 18 today and I was finally legal. Last night at twelve everybody wished me happy
birthday and my sister made a cake for me; the thing that I was most excited about was
proposing Marie. I was nervous if she would like it or not. She had no idea what was going to
happen, I put the ring in the black box and got some chocolates along with candles and set them
in in a small basket. I woke up early morning and prepared myself for the proposal, I planned to
take her to a park and propose her over there. Since the Eiffel tower was full of people on the
weekends so I didn’t feel like proposing her publicly. I didn’t invite anyone over for a birthday
party like I usually did because proposing her was more important than my birthday. And also
she would have two special days in one month, first her birthday and second when we got
together.

2:00 PM

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*Bell rings*

I opened the door, and saw Marie along with my friend. She was wearing a yellow dress with a
green jacket with her hair tied the way I liked them. And she looked beautiful. I looked at her
and wondered I can’t do this. I can’t propose her because every time I saw her my guts would fly
away. I got distracted and kept staring at her holding the door open.

“Can we come in?” She said.

“Oh yes sorry” I replied.

It was almost one hour left and more the time passed the more I would get nervous looking at
her; I gave my friend a sign to let her know that I was too afraid. Marie looked at us and
wondered if we were trying to keep a secret from her. She asked us a several times if we were
trying to tease her by keeping a secret but we would just laugh along. I wore a white dress shirt
with white pants and grey sweater. There was a very famous place called KALISTO. We went to
have lunch there, and since we had no car so we had to walk till the park. Luckily we got lift from
someone; she dropped us nearest to the park.

It was almost 6 PM and I was waiting for the sunset, so I could light up the candles around the
table. As I opened my bag to see if everything is there I realized I didn’t get the candles. I got so
worried and freaked out. There wasn’t any nearest shop from where I could get the candles and
the other stuff. I ran as fast as I could to get them from somewhere. I would continuously look at
the watch and the sky and then run as fast I could. I ended up in a big store, I started checking
every column for candles and I finally found some. I ran back to the park because time was
running fast and I had to do everything quickly.

“Where are you going?” Marie asked.

“Um, I have to meet a friend in the park” I hesitated.

“But, we are getting late” she said.

“Its okay, we can sit and wait” our friend interrupted.

“Whats in the blue bag?” She asked.

“Nothing, I got to go” I ran away.

I reached the park as soon as I could, put everything on the table. Since I did everything quickly
so I had nothing at all. Just four candles, four chocolates, the ring and the note. I put the
chocolates in the basket around and inside I put the note. Around the basket I set up the candles
around the basket so I could light them up. As I try to light up the lighter I realize that the lighter
is not working. I was already having a nervous breakdown but now this? A man was passing by
the park so I ran up to him and asked him if he had a matchstick but no one was walling to give
me one since they thought I was some kind of a drug addict or something. After several attempts
the lighter finally worked. I light up the candles and took out the ring.

“I know I can do it” I whispered to myself.

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I took a deep breath and messaged my friend to bring her. Meanwhile I hid behind the bushes to
see what her reaction is. Five minutes passed and still there was no sign of her coming I
continuously messaged my friend to ask where they are, suddenly I see her coming towards the
park. My heart beat was beyond the normal rate. I could see imaginary people and ghosts. I was
sweating in the freezing weather, my hands were cold like I had put them in the freezer for a
while and my eyes were wider than they usually were. She came towards the table and stared at
it for a minute, and then she took out the letter and started reading it. While my heart beat was
fast and I was on the urge of having a heart attack. The good thing was that our friend was with
us so that was a relief for me.

She sat there reading the note, while I still hide behind the bush. I know I had to go and propose
her the moment she was done reading the letter. After a while my friend gave me a sign to come
from behind the bush and propose her. I was too scared and didn’t know what I was doing, I
constantly thought if I should run away and never show her my face. But I had already done
what I wanted to do, and there was no way back now, this is what I wanted. I manned up and
slowly walked towards her while she was still reading the note. I stood behind her for a minute
and she still didn’t notice I was there.

“Marie” I said.

She looked back and got up, I was ready to get a slap but luckily there was no slap but I could see
tears in her eyes. She didn’t say anything but just stayed quiet. I took out the ring and sat down
on my knees and since I had written everything in the note, I didn’t say much.

“I hope you have read everything I wrote, and I won’t force you about anything. I don’t have guts
to say this but will you be my girlfriend” I asked.

She looked at me for a second; my heart beat was still fast. It was like when I was about to get
my final exams result or when I know I had messed something up and my mom would be angry
about it. I was frightened to know her answer. Even if it was a no I would be dishearten but
wouldn’t hate her, but if it was a yes it would make me the world’s happiest person. But she was
too nice to say no me; she was so nice that even if she didn’t want to be in a relation with me she
would still say yes to not break my heart. She was the sweetest person I know. While .I was still
on my knees and she was still standing looking at me. She finally spoke up.

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CHAPTER NO 32:

“Yes” she said.

I couldn’t believe for a second what I heard; it was like a dream come true. For a minute I didn’t
realize she has said yes. But a thought was running in my head whether she said yes happily by
her choice or was she just trying to make me happy and not break my heart since I had done so
much to propose her. Meanwhile, I got up put the ring into her finger. I didn’t ask her then if she
did this just to keep my heart because then she would have thought that I am judging her or
something. She hugged me and told me how she was not expecting something like this on my
birthday. I was very happy because that ring was meant for the person who was right for me, and
God bought her to me and gave me a sign that she is the right girl for me.

After half n hour of sitting talking about it, we finally headed back home. On our way back home
I was still thinking about asking her if she is sure about this and not doing all of this under some
pressure. I was feeling very happy but not still satisfied; something was still bothering me as if
she was not happy. But I had realized what she has done for me since the past few months or a
year; I just realized that her love for me was not like the others it was rather pure and real. I

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don’t think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to
have faith. I know that God has a plan for us all, but sometimes, I just don't understand what the
message can be. But without suffering there would be no compassion.

I knew after years now I don’t know if I would lay besides her being all old and wrinkled and
have the courage to say that ‘’We made it’’. I didn’t know if we would share each other’s
happiness, sadness, tears, laughter and fears together, I didn’t know if it would be an everlasting
love, I didn’t know if I could kiss her good night or good morning every day after years, I didn’t
know if we could take this relationship to a longer ride than a shorter one and still be able to
make it in a short time, I didn’t know If rather her eyes or my eyes would be filled with tears
every time we would have to go away from each other even for a little time, I didn’t know that we
could create our own definition of love and make it successful , I didn’t know if she would be
happy every second and I will be the reason behind it and I didn’t know if our hearts will be pure
and filled with each other’s love only. But I had something and that was hope. Despite of
everything I wasn’t sure about, we still got onto this ride of love and pain and hoped to make it
beautiful and lasting.

While thinking about all of this I didn’t realize my eyes were filled of water and they were rolling
down on my cheeks, suddenly I rubbed them off to not let her notice. ‘’Are you crying?’’ She said,
‘’Um no I am not’’ I replied while looking away. She kept staring at me while I was looking away
and seconds later she put her head down on her laps and started to cry ‘’Why are you crying?’ I
asked worriedly.

‘’I don’t know’’ she replied while crying.

While I held her and kissed it, I assured her that everything is going to be okay and she doesn’t
have to be upset anymore over little things, it’s my responsibility to make her happy now.
Listening to this she gave me the beautiful smile she would always give when she was upset and
then happy, and that smile of hers would always make me feel like I am already in heaven. The
saying is right, that love is like a wind you can’t see it but feel it, it’s like a flower that blooms and
if you pluck it away it dies.

9:00 PM
It was end of a beautiful day. I was happier than I could ever be, I felt like nothing in this world
feels more great than what I am feeling right now, I got what I wished for. I had struggled all my
life for a love like this. She is the best person I have ever known. I looked into all the gifts I had
gotten for my birthday; while I look I see a paper folded with a knot tied around. I got curious
who gave me this; I opened the knot and started reading the note,

‘’Hey, so you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I love you the most. I just really
wanted you to know, if you don’t know by now that you make everything better. You made me
better, my days better. All because of you, you made my life best it could ever be. You mean the
world to me and there’s nothing or no one that can take me away from you. So Friday 27
October 2017 is one of my favorite days I hope you know what I am talking about. I don’t care
how many people flirt with you it’s what you say back that really matters. I just want you to
know that, you’re irresistible, even though we fight so much sometimes but I just can’t stay
apart for a long time. And I love you so much, I know sometimes I get rude and I’m sorry for
that I don’t do everything intentionally , when I threw that bottle. But you got hurt and I’m
sorry for that but when I’m angry I get mad and it’s really difficult to handle me but I’m sorry
and you are my everything and you always will be, no matter what I will never go away from
you but I won’t even stop you if you ever wished to leave, I’ll do whatever is good for you, I

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don’t care about anything because I let people get away from me really easily but you are
really important to me and I don’t ever want you to go away from me. I only believe what I
see and you know I don’t believe in words but only actions. I want to say so much to you
sometimes but I can’t say and I don’t know why but I love you so much and thank you so much
for everything, no matter what I say or do you will always be very special to me. Ha Ha I have
written so much to you, but I won’t stay like this forever I promise I will change myself for you
because now you are really important to me. And something I want to tell you is that you don’t
know what can happen in your life the other second and I don’t know if we will be together or
not but I always want you to be happy and I always want you to take care of yourself forever,
I love you!’’

Love,
Marie

CHAPTER NO 33

November 08th, 2017

It was the start of a new day, of my new life. I was finally in a relation with Marie, it felt like it
was just yesterday when we were best friends and now everything has changed all of the sudden.
I was feeling greater than I usually did. Like my life was finally going to change into something
good and I will finally be happy, but the good thing was that I was over my ex completely I did
however, got upset for a long time but it was worth everything that I had, I had Marie and that
was a blessing. Last night was the first time I had told her that I love her, after reading what she
had written in the note I was satisfied that whatever she has done was not because she was just
trying to make me happy and keep my heart but because she really did love me, maybe not the
way I loved her but she did and that is what made me feel good about myself.

College was about to open in a few days and I was already excited about it because we could
finally meet every day and have more time to spend together, that would make our relationship
even better. This was the thing about long distance relationships they would never work out

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because the two people would hardly see each other and in that time all the trust issues are
developed and this concludes that they finally breakup and move on. But I didn’t want that to
happen with me and Marie, we did have everyday to meet in college but even after college I
didn’t want to have any misunderstandings between us.

Now that we were in a relationship I made some promises to myself, first I made a promise that
no matter what happens I am never going to break Marie’s trust or get distracted by anyone else,
second I promised that I am never going to think about my ex whatever that is gone is gone! And
it is not to be repeated ever again and last I promised that no matter what I have to keep her
happy at any cost and not let her for a minute regret about coming in a relationship with me. I
promised all this to myself so whenever I would do something or about to I would remember
about all these promises. I was still feeling quiet awkward because being in a relationship with
your best friend was quiet awkward you would know deepest secrets of each other while being
best friends and pretend to ignore them when you are in a relationship.

2:00 PM

It was the same old day, I got done having lunch with my family and everyone went to sleep like
they usually did in the afternoon, while I open my books to study and suddenly realize there has
been so much left to learn and I was still on the first chapter while everyone in the class was way
further than me because exams were almost near and I had to finish the course. I banged my
head down on the books because I was left with too much, ‘’I need to concentrate now’’ I told
myself. I opened my books and started reading the first line, suddenly I had the thought of
Marie, I had the urge to talk to her badly, ‘’No I have to study’’ I shook my head. As I started to
read the next line I picked up the phone and started typing a message to her.

‘’I miss you’’ I typed and then erased it, I thought telling her that I miss her would be cringe and
what if she think I am being too chummy. So I erased the message and instead wrote ‘’Hi’’ and I
send it to her. Seconds later my phone beeped and I got a reply from her ‘’Hey how are you’’ she
wrote. I closed my books put them away and started talking to her. We used to usually talk about
random things, sometimes about what will we do if we were on a trip to the china border, or I
used to tell her how I want to fulfill my dream of climbing K2, or she would tell me stories about
her father and I would tell her about my family and sometimes we would crack the lamest jokes
and laugh along till hours and still not get tired but some days we would video call each other
while she would do some work and I would look at her all the time.

9:00 PM

It was almost night and I was still talking to her over messages, I got scolded by mom twice
because every time she would come in my room she would see me on my phone and she
threatened me to take my phone away and throw it in the dustbin, now I knew my mom would
only threaten me and never implement on it. Like once I got bad grades and she threatened to
throw my game boy away so I cried the whole day while she took it and told me she threw it, I
cried and the next day I found it besides my table. I mean that is how moms are they do threaten
you but not actually intentionally hurt you. We were talking about random stuff and suddenly
she said,

‘’Remember how we hugged that day?’’ She reminded me the day when it was our best friend’s
birthday.

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‘’Yes I do I was quiet scared after then’’ I replied.

‘’Ha Ha scared of what? Hugging? That makes you a coward then’’ She said sarcastically.

‘’Coward, no way miss! I can do everything courageously’’ I replied.

‘’Are you joking me? You are scared of even hugging’’ She laughed.

‘’Oh well! Are you challenging me’’ I asked.

‘’Maybe yes maybe no’’ She laughed.

‘’Well then I’ll show you’’ I smirked.

‘’Sure we will see’’ She said.

CHAPTER NO 34:

Last night I had the same dream about the same girl going far away and I try to stop her, I try
looking at her face but its hidden and all I can see is her reflection and I run after it but my body
and my legs don’t work. I woke up in terror and tried figuring out what the dream is about, I
usually never had dreams but this dream was constant like I had it every day and like I am trying
to receive a message but I can’t figure out what the message is. College had finally opened and it
was the first day after the winter holidays, I was really excited to meet Marie because it had been
so long that we didn’t meet and I was missing her. I woke up one hour before the time I used to
usually wake up and I got all ready and got warmed up since it was freezing outside.

9:00 AM

I waited in class besides the window, it was already nine o clock and she wasn’t here. I
continuously looked outside to see her but there was no sign of her. I was starting to feel upset
and disappointed so I reached out to my phone from my bag and tried messaging her from
inside the bag, since we were not allowed to take out phones in the class and if some one would
have seen me I would have gotten busted. “Where are you?” I messaged her. I was hoping she

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would not tell me that she cant come because I had already waited weeks to meet her and one
more day? I could resist. After a little while I get a reply “sorry I cant come today”. Reading this
broke my heart into a million pieces and I wanted to scream out loud in anger. “ but why? I
wanted to meet you” I replied, after then I didn’t get any reply.

I was upset about it and I already wanted to go home since Marie wasn’t here and all my day
would have been wasted, I looked at the watch and it was already 15 minutes pass the class.
Even the time was going really slow and I felt like smashing my fist into the wall. So I ended up
sleeping with my eyes open and wondering what would I do all day without her. Finally the class
was over and i didn’t want to take the another class so I got up and went outside for a walk
alone, “ Guess have to spend the whole day alone, I wish Marie was here” I whispered to myself.
While I walk whispering to myself and regretting coming to college, I hear a voice from the
terrace.

“Hey” She laughed

I looked up and it was Marie, for a second I thought as if I am so in love with her that I can see
her everywhere, I shook my head twice and it was still her. I got so happy that I thought all of my
broken pieces were back together and everything around was in slow motion. All I could see was
she laughing and waving me from the terrace.

“What? But…” I was still shocked.

“ I gotcha” she laughed out loud.

That laugh was seriously everything to me I could do everything to see that laugh, so I ran to the
terrace as fast as I could and hugged her tight. “But I thought I am going to have fun alone” I
sighed, just to tease. “Oh okay then I’ll go back” she said. I hugged her tighter and felt so happy
about it.

12:00 PM

Since we met after a long time so we almost bunked half of the classes and stayed up stairs and
we talked about random stuff. I just couldn’t stop looking at her because she was looking so
pretty to me although she was wearing normal college clothes and not even make up I still
thought she was looking beautiful so I kept staring at her, I reached my hand out to hold her’s,
“So that’s all you can do?” She laughed, “Do what?” I asked. “Hold my hand” She smiled, “oh
well! Do you want me to show you what I can do?” I smirked, “Ha Ha what?” She said. Since the
class was very big it had a smaller room inside the class which was connected to the bathroom, I
pulled her hand and took her to the smaller room, “ What are you doing”She asked, “Trying to
win my challenge” I laughed.

I stood besides the wall while she stood opposite to me to the other side of the wall, deep inside I
was scared like my sweat was running down and I was shaking from my legs as if I was about to
get raped, but I pretended like I was not scared and I could do anything to prove her wrong, We
stood there and looked at each other,

“So? What can you do?” She asked.

“Everything” I repeated.

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“You are scared” She laughed.

“No I am not” I said.

I took a few steps closer to her but there was still some distance between us, “ are you scared?” I
asked. “Ha ha scared of you? No way!” She said, “ oh really?” I said. I took few more steps till I
was just one meter away from being close to her. I looked into her eyes and at that time I
thought if I did something wrong I could lose her forever but It was not the challenge that was
keeping me close to her but something about her was pulling me closer to her and I was trying
hard to stop my self because her feelings mattered and if doing something wrong would hurt
them I would never forgive myself.

“You know what, you are scared and we are just wasting time, lets go!” She said, and reached out
the door to walk away, I pulled her towards me and for a second without thinking I went closer
to her and kissed her. That was the first ever kiss of my life, before this I never touched my ex
because we never met and she wasn’t the right girl for me, I always wanted to kiss the girl who
was right for me and she was right for me although I didn’t intend to kiss her before but later on
I wouldn’t have even regretted it. I held my hands around her waist tighter and pushed her
towards the wall. I held her close with my eyes closed, wondering if anything in my life had ever
been this perfect and knowing at the same time that it hadn’t. I was in love and the feeling was
even more wonderful than I could ever imagine.

It wasn’t that long and it was certainly not the type of kiss you would see in movies these days,
but it was wonderful in its own ways and all I can remember about the moment is that when our
lips touched, I knew the memory would last forever. When I held her hand or when I looked into
her eyes I knew that we would remember this moment forever in our lives. And yet that moment
was perfect for me, I felt like I had the whole world into my hands and it was the best feeling
ever. After a short while I left her hands and took a step back, then suddenly I realized as if what
ever I have done is going to mess up things between us. Maybe she wouldn’t she expecting this.

She stood there for a minute with her head down and didn’t speak at all, I was the getting more
curious about what is going to happen and I was already frightened. “Lets go” She said. While we
went down she didn’t say a word.

“Are you not going to say something?” I hesitated.

She looked at me and said,

“I don’t know” she said.

“I am sorry, did I do anything wrong?” I asked.

“No you didn’t, I liked it” she said.

But that wasn’t the end of it, it went on and on everyday, every day I would hold her close to me
for hours and still not get tired. It was like we were attracted in all ways, emotionally, physically
and mentally.

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CHAPTER NO 35:

November 16th, 2017

It was Marie’s birthday and I was so confused what to do, since she already decided
where she was going to do her birthday so I couldn’t give her a surprise birthday, but it
was her birthday and I wanted to make it special for her some how. I wore the shirt she
got me on my birthday because she wanted me to wear it. I got all the gifts I had to give
it her but one thing was still missing and that was her birthday note, I would give her
almost a note every week but she loved them and I loved writing it to them, I took a pen
and started writing it to her. I wrote everything that I had in my heart for her, I told her
how much I loved her and there was no way I would want to go away from he and and I
told her how blessed I am to have her.

It was five o clock and I was getting late for her birthday and since mom always gives me
the exact when I have to reach back home and it was 7 o clock this time and it was
already five and I knew if I would be late either Marie would get angry or my mom. I was
already so curious to see her,

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*phone rings*

“Hello” I answered.

“Where are you??” She said.

“On my way” I replied.

“Well hurry up” she was angry.

I reached there at around six o clock and I ran as fast as I could so I would not waste
another minute, because time was running fast and it was short. I had one hour now and
I had to make it up to her. As I ran upstairs I saw her coming towards me, I saw her and
I suddenly stopped. She was wearing a black skirt with a grey shirt, her hair were open
and curled and she was wearing the ring I gave her, I looked at her and half of the gifts
were slipping off my hands because she was looking extremely beautiful and she was
wearing a black Mascara which was even beautiful.

“You are finally here” she said.

“You look beautiful” I said while staring at her.

Everyone gathered around all our friends and her family. I continuously looked at the
watch because I was getting extremely late already but I couldn’t tell her that I had to go
I knew it would hurt her because I just came for an hour and already asking to go so I
decided to wait a little more until she cuts the cake. My eyes were still on her,
everywhere she went I couldn’t stop looking at her, since I was shy when it comes to
complementing the person I love so I kept quiet and just looked. She came and sat next
to me, and started talking. I looked into her eyes and I couldn’t hear anything like I was
gone deaf, I could just see the picture and I could just see her talking. It all made perfect
sense and at the same time nothing was making sense at all.

After a while the cake was here, “I have a surprise for you” She said. “What surprise” I
asked. Just look. The moment the cake was here it said

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY M AND F”

“Whats M and F?” I asked.

“You and I” she replied.

“What?” I said.

She got a cake for both of us?? I had no words to say, she wanted to give me a surprise
on her birthday and I felt like crying because she was doing so much for me, and I was
doing nothing. I had tears in my eyes but I didn’t want to break down in front of her so I

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just stayed quiet, I was so upset to see that shes making so much effort for me and on
the other hand I cant even stay another hour for her. She was, in other words, the kind
of girl who made the rest of us look bad, and whenever she glanced my way, I couldn't
help but feel guilty, even though I hadn't done anything wrong.

It was hard for me to talk to her. All I can do when I look at her is think about the
day when I won't be able to. So I spend all my time at looking at her, and feel so blessed
and lucky to have her.

9:00 PM

I was on way back home and mom was really pissed off because I was two hours late but
I was ready to listen to her because I wanted to make Marie happy and that was
important to me, if I would get scolded by mom I wouldn’t mind as long as Marie is
happy. I reached around 11:45 since the roads were blocked because of some protest and
it started raining, but luckily I went straight to my aunt’s house and I didn’t have to face
mom.

CHAPTER NO 36:

November 18th, 2017

5:00 AM

I laid on my bed thinking about life, since I couldn’t sleep and I was having a sleep
insomnia so I stayed awake rather than just forcing myself to sleep, also I liked spending
time with myself alone at night, I know it sounds stupid but I did because I liked
creating scenarios and then thinking about them and I liked asking my self random
question, questions like “Why do you think Obama was the president of US and not
Africa?”. And sometimes I would just remember random stuff and get upset about it and
end up wheezing. It was freezing outside and I was all wrapped around in my blanket
and was staring at the ceiling, like if someone would have seen me then they would have
probably declared me dead since I looked like I was dead.

*Phone beeped*

“Who messaged me this early?” I wondered. Since Marie was gone to sleep so that
wouldn’t be her, and I barely talked to anyone else over messages so it was quiet random
to get a text from someone at this hour. I picked up the phone to see who it was, for a

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second everything was blurry because I was laying down in dark and the phone’s light
went straight into my eyes and I couldn’t see anything, also my eye sight was weak. I
searched for my glasses and wore them to read the message.

“Whats up bro?” From a random number

“Who is this?” I replied

Seconds later I got a reply, she was my friend from grade 9 th, well she was me and my
ex’s friend. I wondered why would she message me all of the sudden and why at five in
the morning. It was quiet random. She asked me random questions like where I am or
what I am doing, I was getting suspicious since she was a really good friend of my ex and
I knew something is fishy,

“I need to tell you something” She said.

“What?” I replied.

“I think shes regretting about what she has done and she is sorry” She said.

Now, I already knew something was wrong; I mean why someone would randomly show
up and ask me questions. Regretting? After 9 months shes regretting? I wondered to
myself. She wasn’t regretting she was just missing insulting me maybe or just missing to
use me, I started typing on my phone

“Well, tell her then that I have a girlfriend and I have forgotten everything”

“Girlfriend? Um okay I will tell her” She said.

I throw my phone away furiously, it was 9 months since I had forgotten about her and
even her name made me angry. I wondered how someone can be so cold hearted. You
give them all you have and they break you piece by piece and then come running back
telling you that they are regretting it, how can someone be so heartless that you spent
half of your life trying to make it up to them by so many ways that they still manage to
say “we are done” and walk away, how can someone be so emotionless that after all
those fake promises and fake emotions they still come later on and become all innocent.
I didn’t want to think about her, it was not because of Marie because I didn’t want to
because six years are already enough to get broken easily. And every time I thought
about her I would want to kill someone, so I managed to not think about her and forget
what just happened.

I thought if I should tell Marie about this, but then I didn’t want to I knew she
understood but every one has a heart and everyone gets affected. But on the other hand
I didn’t want to lie to her about anything so I decided I should tell her. First there was
my ex and now Marie. They had huge differences. My ex was all take and no gives! But
Marie was give and take both. Despite of everything else she still understood me, still

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managed to make me happy. Maybe it was because both of us were deeply hurt and we
needed someone to lift us up, I didn’t know about her but I sure did need someone and I
got her and since I did I didn’t get upset for once over something she has done, while I
was always regretting to live when I was with my ex.

I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common person with common thoughts

and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will
soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me, this has
always been enough. She is the answer to every prayer I've offered. She is a dream, a
whisper, and I don't know how I could live without her for as long as I have. She is my
dream. She made me who I am, and holding her in my arms was more natural to me
than my own heartbeat. I think about her all the time. Even when I would lie down at
night, I would think about her. There could never have been another.

I didn’t know if we are meant to be together but I knew that together now is forever,
without any fears or regrets. Even a tiny bit distance would tear me apart. The reason it
always hurt when I thought about distance was because our souls were connected and
thus maybe they have always been and will be.Maybe we have lived a thousand lives and
in every life we have found each other. When I saw her I thought maybe we’ve met
before but now I think we have been in love for a hundred times and still found each
other and after each life the love has grown stronger.

10:00 AM

I texted Marie, ‘’Marie I need to tell you something’’, I was nervous because I was going
to tell her about what my ex’s friend said to me. I was hoping she wouldn’t react but why
would she? I wondered, she knew I loved her and talking about my ex shouldn’t affect.

My phone beeped, ‘’ Yes? What is the matter?’’ She replied. ‘’ Um, last night I got a
message from my ex’s friend and she told me that she’s regretting everything and she
wants to say sorry’’ I sent the message. For the first few minutes I didn’t get a reply,
which made me get more worried as if she might be angry about it and ignoring the
message. I waited for her reply, I wasn’t asking her to let me talk to m ex and listen to
her apology I was just telling her what had happened so that she doesn’t find out later
on and thus create misunderstandings. After a while I get a reply, ‘’Oh, that’s nice, you
should talk to her then’’.

‘’Talk, are you serious? I don’t want to’’ I replied.

‘’I got to go, I’ll catch you later’’ She said.

‘’But Marie’’ I replied.

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She just told me to talk to her and walked away? I thought why she would do something
like that she knows that I hate her and I don’t want to ever talk to her again but she told
me to talk to her and listen to what she has to say, I continuously messaged her but she
didn’t reply. Or maybe she got angry about it, but my intentions were not to make her
angry I was just telling her the truth because I didn’t want to lie to her about anything.

After about an hour or so I got a reply from her, ‘’what’’ She asked. ‘’What’s wrong’’ I
asked,

‘’Nothing’’ she replied

I was confused because she was giving me an emotionless reaction, I thought its maybe
because she didn’t like that I talked about my ex,

‘’I just told you, I don’t want to talk to her’’ I replied.

‘’I don’t care’’ She replied angrily

‘’What? Why are you getting angry?’’ I replied.

‘’Good night’’ She said.

I was furious and hurt because she said didn’t care, I knew she was angry but still telling
me that she doesn’t care and then going to sleep was hurting. I messaged her several
times but she didn’t reply. She didn’t want to talk, I was upset and I felt so sad at that
time, first I was trying to be honest to her and second she didn’t trust me or my words, I
didn’t intend to do anything wrong to her. I threw my phone away and closed my eyes,
we used to fight sometimes but whenever we did I was felt the worst. I would lay down
with my eyes closed and think about the fight all night, sometimes I would not sleep all
night until everything would be back to normal.

9:00 AM

I checked my phone and I got several messages from Marie, I was angry at her and I
didn’t want to reply to her messages or see them because she didn’t trust me and a
relationship without trust is nothing, but I couldn’t stay angry at her for too long, I loved
her too much and even if I was angry I never showed it. So I opened the messages to see,

‘’I am sorry for what I said, I got angry but it’s not that I don’t trust you, I do but I am
like since the very start. I just can’t share, what’s mine is mine! I am sorry’’

Reading this took all my anger away, I knew she is angry, she was but that’s was just
because she didn’t want me to message her, I understood all her insecurities and she
understood all my insecurities and despite of everything else I always wanted to stay
loyal to her.

‘’I love you Marie’’ I replied.

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CHAPTER NO 37:

Exams were almost up, and we were about to have prep holidays, before exams. We only
had the last few days of college left and so Marie and I decided to meet at college and
also get some work done before exams. I was living at my aunt’s place and since my aunt
used to work at her school, so she used to go every day. It was eight o clock in the
morning and everybody had left. Since we had no classes anymore so we had to go late
to college. I woke up to the ray of sunlight and looked at the time it was already 8. I got
up in a hurry and got my clothes changed,

*Phone beeped*

I checked my phone, ‘’the roads are blocked, are you on your way?’’ Said Marie, ‘’what
are you not coming?’’ I replied. ‘’I am but the roads are blocked till college so I might not
be able to make it till college’’ She said. ‘’Okay stay there, I am coming’’ I said.

I had to pick her up and go to college afterwards, but I was only half way till where she
was and it was already 10 o lock, The roads were completely blocked and it was a huge
traffic, there was some army parade going on and they blocked all the roads, at around
10:15 AM I reached to where she was, I got out of the car to search for her but I couldn’t

87
see her anywhere, I messaged her and she didn’t reply. I got so worried because she was
alone there since an hour and I wondered what if she got lost. I looked around here and
there and suddenly my eyes set on her, she was walking around and lost in her own
thoughts. Now this is what I loved about her she was always day dreaming and not
thinking about the world around her.

I ran to her, ‘’Marie’’ I said, ‘’Oh hi I didn’t see you’’ She said, we sat in the car and I
looked at the time it was already 10:30 AM, ‘’isn’t it too late to go to college?’’ I asked,
‘’Yes but I can’t go back until 1 PM’’ She replied, ‘’Why don’t we hang out somewhere
else?’’ I asked, ‘’Where’’ She said,

‘’Let’s go to my house?’’ I asked.

‘’Um sure’’ She hesitated.

11:00 PM

We reached my house and no one was at home except the cook that used to work there,
since I couldn’t let anyone that I had her over to my house because that would get me in
trouble so I pretended like I came back alone because of the roads, I got Marie in from
the back door and came from the front door.

‘’Why are you back?’’ He asked.

‘’The roads were block’’ I replied.

‘’Do you want breakfast?’’ He said.

‘’Um no I am fine I might sleep for a while’’ I replied.

‘’Okay but I need to get something from your room’’ He replied.

I got so scared because she was in the room and if he had seen her he would have told
mom and mom knowing this? I would be dead. ‘’No no I’ll get it for you’’ I ran fast,
‘’Okay sure then’’ He said.

After I had told him I am going to sleep, I went to the room. She was sitting on the couch
and since he could come to my room anytime so I had to lock all the doors and all the
rooms, ‘’I can’t take a risk’’ I said while looking at the door, I sat on the bed while she sat
on the couch, I knew that we were alone and that she would be thinking that I bought
her here for some reason, ‘’You are not comfortable are you?’’ I asked, ‘’No I am, I think
I am just going to lie down for some while’’ She said. She went on the bed and lay down,
‘’you can lie down as well’’ She said, I lay down on the bed besides her. It was so cold
outside but I started to feel hot, suddenly I started sweating I couldn’t figure out what
was happening as if someone was burning me from the inside and I was laying down on
fire,

‘’What’s wrong with you’’ She asked.

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‘’Nothing, I just feel hot’’ I said.

‘’Ha Ha What’’ She laughed.

‘’I think I am going to change’’ I got up and ran to the bathroom.

That was the thing about her she was brave and while I was a little scared of some
things, I got frightened because I hadn’t ever sweat like this in winters and I could still
hear her laughing from the outside probably making fun of me, I took of my sweater and
went out.

‘’Are you still feeling hot’’ She laughed.

‘’Are you making fun of me?’’ I asked.

‘’Ha Ha no’’ She giggled.

I hugged her because every time she laughed it was like I felt so happy to have her
around her and I felt so lucky to be the one to make her happy even if it was to make fun
of me, I closed my eyes and kissed her on the cheek and held her closer to me, this was
when I knew that she is just all mine and we aren’t going to ever go away from each
other, I felt like all the time I held her closer to me it was like I had the universe in my
hand, it was like the most peaceful time I could ever have in my life.

And then I lost my conscious, it was like every time she was close to me I could not think
about anything in this world but her, I got over her and kissed her again, then brought
my hand to her face, gently running my fingers over her cheek. I marveled at the
softness of her skin, the gentleness I saw in her eyes. Even now she was perfect, I pulled
her even closer by her waist and held her hands into mine and kissed her. At that instant
I felt so close to her as if I could feel her heartbeat and at the same time my heartbeat
was running fast, I didn’t want to lose all the control over myself, still running my hands
down her waist I reached over to her shirt’s buttons and opened them one by one, and
then I lost over my control.

After a while, I laid down besides her with my head besides her head while I closed my
eyes and touched her cheeks, at that time I felt like I didn’t want to lose her ever, like
going apart from her will only make me tear apart totally, she felt like heaven already on
earth. I looked at her thinking what did I do in life that I got someone so perfect next to
me, her hair were all over her face and her eyes were closed, and she was looking
beautiful than any girl I have even seen till now, at then I realized that life couldn’t have
ever been better until I found her. And yet that day was the best day of my life.

I asked her,

‘’Will you marry me?’’ I asked.

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Her eyes were still closed and after a few seconds she got up and replied,

‘’This is not possible’’

‘’But why, don’t you love me?’’ I insisted.

‘’Yes I do, but you know my father really well’’ She replied.

I rolled over and pretended like I didn’t listen, because I knew she is mine and no one or
nothing can take her away from me.

CHAPTER NO 38:

It was Sunday morning and studying because exams were going on and I was too tensed
about it, my course was half left that I didn’t study and I had to complete it in a week
because my second exam was one week later, I would hardly even talk to Marie because

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she had her exams too and I didn’t want our studies to be affected, also I wanted to hard
work since I promised Marie that I will become something and show her. I was
concentrating and studying at my fullest until I got a beep on my phone, I didn’t want to
look over my phone because I didn’t want to interrupt my studying but I thought maybe
its Marie and she wants to ask something important. So I looked over my phone but it
wasn’t Marie, it was my ex’s friend and she had messaged me again.

“Listen” she said.

After thinking for a second I replied,

“Yes?”

“Can you do me a favor?” She asked.

“Yeah?” I replied

I didn’t know she is going to say to me, but I was suspicious it must be anything related
to my ex again and I hope its not, after a few seconds she replied me,

“Can you follow this blog account?” She asked

It was my ex’s blog account, where she would have written blogs and posted pictures, I
didn’t want to follow her account because if Marie would have known she would have
gotten angry and I didn’t want to do anything to hurt her, but on the other hand she
insisted me on following the blog account since it was just a blog account and nothing
relates to talk to her or anything else, so I followed her blog account and went back on
studying I didn’t check the account neither did I read the blogs.

5:00 PM

I was feeling guilty about following her because our relationship was going great and I
didn’t want to make any mistake which would lead us to get apart, so I decided to
unfollow her and not do such thing ever again, I went into my followings and clicked the
unfollow button, later on I felt relief that I did what was right and good for me and then
decided to tell Marie about it rather than just staying quiet, I messaged Marie,

“Hey” I said.

After a while I got a reply,

“Hi” she said.

“How are you babe?” I asked.

“Fine” She said.

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Something about her was not right at that time, she never talked to me like this and I
started to get worried, I usually always got worried when she would be angry or not talk
properly so I asked her.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Nothing” She replied.

“I love you” I told her.

“Ha Ha nice” she replied.

Nice? I wondered to myself I am sure something is wrong, she doesn’t say like this
unless she’s angry but why is she angry? I didn’t do anything wrong so I asked her what
it is, few minutes later she sent me a picture. It was raining outside and the signals were
low and it was taking a lot of time to load, my heartbeat was running fast because I kept
wondering if I did anything wrong. After a while the picture loaded and in it said that I
followed my ex few hours ago. That made me feel sick, my throat was dry and I couldn’t
swallow my heart beat was even faster and I couldn’t blink, my hands started shaking
and I couldn’t type, the words were trembling. While I was typing she started typing and
I received a message. That message was the most shocking and most frightful message I
ever received, she said.

“We are done” and there she blocked my number. I was so frightened because she said
this that my hands started shaking a lot more. I was sweating and I started to breathe a
little more faster. I started calling on her number but she switched it off, I called her
from several places but she didn’t pick up. Finally I ended up calling her sister and
asking her to make me talk to her for once, she came on the phone and I was colder than
the weather outside and all my veins were out and I couldn’t speak at all,

“Listen to me” I asked her.

“What?” She said in anger.

“I didn’t do anything intentionally, it was just” I said

“How dare you, you are a cheater. You broke my trust and now we are done” she
interrupted.

“Don’t do this, please listen to me” I begged.

She cut off the phone and then I didn’t hear her again. I threw the phone away and
screamed out of anger and then started crying like I never did. I knew I made a mistake
and she doesn’t deserve me but I could never even think of losing her and I thought this
is the end of us, I cried even more thinking I lost her and I lost everything, I lost my
happiness, I lost my heart, I lost everything and this is the end of my world. I wrote her a
thousand sorry’s but I got no reply.

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9:00 PM

I was locked in my room and still crying over what had happened, Still there was no
reply from her and I realized that what I did was a huge mistake and I think what ever
shes doing is right. I should get punished but I was heart broken and I felt like all of the
pain that went away I gained it back. Just after I had written her a thousand messages,
she replied to me.

“I am not going any where, I don’t want you to fail your exams. So I am going to stay”

When I read this, I felt a lot guilty. I wanted to kill myself at that really instant but I had
no guts, I didn’t want to tell her that she should stay because what I did was wrong and I
deserved all the punishment in the world to hurt an angel like her.

“No, I don’t deserve you” I replied.

“ I said I am not going anywhere, nothings changed” she insisted.

“No, you should find someone better. I am the worst person ever” I replied.

I switched off my cell phone and intended to never switch it on and never ask her to
come back since I don’t deserve her.

3:00 AM

My phone was still switched off, she called up a several times but I didn’t want to talk, I
hurt her and that felt like a sin to me. I lied down on the bed, crying, and regretting
everything I had done. I knew she would never trust me again and I disappointed and
made her believe that whatever she chose is wrong. My eyes were swelled up and my
body was heating. They were hurting like someone was pinching needles into them that
is usually what happened when I would cry a lot, I could never cry but for her I did not
because of her but for her, for her existence, for her to stay with me always. I closed my
eyes and slept.

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CHAPTER NO 39:

I woke up in the morning with a sudden push, realizing that nothing is the same and
everything has changed, I leaned over to pick up the phone but suddenly thought that I
shouldn’t switch it on since I didn’t want to hurt her again by my mistakes, I could
barely see anything, my eyes were swollen up completely and it was like everything I saw
was blur. I got up and instead if going down to have breakfast with my family I decided
to stay up and study. I took out my books and started studying, I couldn’t study or
concentrate all I could think was about her and I wanted to talk to her so badly and tell
her how sorry I am and how much I love her that even the thought of her going away
makes me sad.

I was heating up with temperature, but I still managed to get up and study. After a while
I got a call from my friend,

‘’Where are you’’ She asked.

‘’I am just not well’ I said in a low voice.

‘’I know what happened but she wants to talk to you, please switch on your phone’’ She
sighed.

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‘’I am sorry but I cant, I don’t want to hurt her’’ I replied.

‘’But, she has forgiven you’’ She insisted.

‘’It’s not for me, its for her’’ I said and dropped the call.

I put my hands on my face and felt like everything in my life is missing right now, then I
thought that I should talk to her, I cant just go away like this. I made a mistake and be
sorry about it, I should at least tell her. So I reached out to my phone and switched it on.
I didn’t reply to her neither did I wanted to call. I didn’t know what to do, while I think
about what I should do, I got a call from her.

Phone rings

I picked up and said nothing,

Hello, she said.

I still didn’t answer to her and kept quiet, after I heard her voice I couldn’t control over
my tears. Every time I listened to her voice it was like I felt better than I was every day,
but this time it was like I didn’t listen to her voice since ages and now I did. That was the
first time I cried when I listened to her voice

‘’Talk to me’’ She said.

I got the urge to talk to her and I said,

‘’I am sorry’’ I sniffed.

‘’Are you crying?’’ She asked.

‘’Um, no I am not’’ I hesitated.

Then she got quiet for a minute and I kept on saying,

‘’I am sorry whatever I have done was totally out of intentions, I love you more than
anything and I am very guilty, I cant think of anyone else except you. But I broke your
trust and I am so hurt, because you are hurt.’’ I said.

‘’Forget about what just happened, I am not going anywhere and we will stay together
forever’’ She said.

It was like a relief to me, I prayed to God and he gave me another chance, another life.
She gave me another chance and after what I did she still forgave me and promised to
stay with me. She knew how much I loved her and I couldn’t stay apart for longer. But
that day I decided, no matter what happens I am never going to break her trust again, no

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matter what happens I am going to love her even more than I did now, I would make her
feel important every day, I would do everything in this world to make her feel secure and
assured that I love her and only her and I would never let a tear drop from those
beautiful eyes.

And thus from that day, every day I would do things for her every day I would tell her
how much I love her. I would write her notes, paragraphs and not for a second wanted
her to feel less important. Yes, there were certain days when she would randomly bring
this day up again and get angry about it but every time I did I made myself apologize to
her I didn’t ever for a second think that she is over reacting. My love for her grew
stronger and as she promised to stay with me, she did. And loved me just the way she
always did. Her respect grew more into my eyes, in short she stayed when there was no
hope left and loved me when I didn’t deserve any.

CHAPTER NO 40:

Exams were over, and it was almost one year to our relationship. I was happy because
everything was great. We were more in love than we were, as I promised to my self from
that day I never do anything to break her trust, I grew more attracted to her, and got a
little more attached to her. I would not go any where without her, I would not stay a day
without talking to her, I would not think about any other girl rather than her, I would
always be ready to bear her every reaction, I would in fact give everything I had to her
and still not ask anything back.

So it was no easy. I knew it was going to be really hard; we're going to have to work at
this everyday, but I want to do that because I wanted her. I wanted all of her, forever,
every day, She and I forever. She was my best friend and my lover, but I didn’t know
which side of her I enjoyed the most. I treasure each side just like I treasure our time
together, we didn’t agree on anything much in fact we didn’t agree on anything at all
usually, we used to fight almost every day on little things and challenged each other ever
day, but despite of everything there was one thing in common. We were crazy about
each other.

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She was complicated, like a complicated story, she would hide things from me. Hide all
her fears and weaknesses, and some days she would be in depression and not even let
me know. She was learning to be strong, to handle all her sadness alone and not let
anyone feel pity on her, she was trying to live with all the fears alone. And that was
something special about her. She was not like any other ordinary girl. Yet she was
selfless and mature. Every time I would see her, those eyes would tell me how much she
has to suffer alone. And that is why I stayed around her despite all her flaws and still
thought she is perfect to me, her existence was perfect.

Some days she would shout, cry, get furious but that was only because she had me and I
alone was hers to keep and hers to rule on for ever. Even when I would hear the most
harsh words, they would still seem sweeter to me, every time she got hurt I felt like I was
hurt, every time she would cry it was as if I would cry and every time something was
wrong in her life I would pray to God every day to take all my happiness away and give
me all her sorrows, that is how much I loved her and wanted to be with her.

I was going abroad for my further studies, and I was upset about it. Marie was upset too
but she always showed me that she cared about my future more than caring about the
relation ship, I was scared because long distance relationships never usually worked out.
I wanted to make a future for her, to make her happy forever. I decided I am going to
marry her when I come, when I am able to keep her happy and give her everything she
wishes for. Some times she would get upset over it but when I would tell her I wont go
she would always get angry and ask me to go. I didn’t want to leave her alone. I couldn’t
spend a day without looking at her. Every day I wanted to hear her voice, look at her
beautiful face, so how could I live a second without her.

7:00 PM

I called her up because I was missing her,

Hello, I said.

‘’Hi’’ She said in a low voice.

She seemed down, so I got worried.

‘’What happened?’’ I asked.

‘’Nothing happened’’ She said.

‘’Please tell me’’ I insisted.

‘’Listen, I want to sleep. Good night’’ She said.

It made me feel a little more worried and a lot more frightened. Just before I could say
anything else she cut the phone, I called her again but she didn’t pick up. I kept on

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calling and she dropped the phone. Now I was sure something was wrong, I wondered
maybe its something about her father because usually she would be upset over
something, he was strict and what ever he said had to be done by her.

Since her sister didn’t know about our relation ship so I didn’t ask her, I was so worried
and I felt like something is wrong, my heart was not feeling right. I was not feeling
peaceful I kept on thinking nothing is wrong but every time I did I felt more frightened.
I put my phone aside and laid down thinking maybe I need some sleep and I will wake
up in the morning and call her.

CHAPTER NO 41:

‘’Stop! I shouted again and again, but she didn’t. The white light goes into my eyes and
run after it, it slowly fades away and it’s dark around, I kept fighting myself and still
couldn’t reach the light, I felt like every time I took a step some pieces of me would
break down and I would get weaker and weaker’’

8:00 AM

I woke up with a fast heartbeat, and it was the same dream that I would get every day
but this time it was scarier. I suddenly realized that I had to call Marie and ask her about
what was wrong, I am sure everything would be okay and she will tell me but I still had
that fear in my heart. I constantly thought to myself, about it. Something like this had
never happened before and I was feeling different a lot more depress. I wondered
maybe talking to Marie would make me feel better. I took out my phone and started
typing.

‘’Marie, I miss you and I need to know what’s wrong’’

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I waited for her reply impatiently, after a while my phone beeped and I got a reply, but
this time it was something different.

‘’Meet me at 5’’ She said and then didn’t say anything else.

Meet her? She never asked me to meet her so suddenly, I wondered maybe she is
missing me and pretending to be angry because that is what she usually did. I knew
about all her little tricks, and that would always bring a smile to my face. So I smiled and
wondered ‘’lets play the pretend game” I smirked.

5:00 PM

I happily walked down the road to meet her, the wind was blowing colder and for the
first time I felt happy. I was just worrying and that I didn’t know that she was just
pretending to meet me. Everything seemed happier to me, the birds, the children and
everything else. Even the trees were moving around in happiness. After a while of
running and singing I finally got to the place where she was standing, she seemed upset
so instead of asking her I went and hugged her from the back,

‘’I know you were missing me’’ I smirked.

She pushed me away and said,

‘’I need to talk to you about something’’ She got angry.

I pulled her close to me, and went closer to her face to kiss her.

‘’Shhh’’ I whispered.

She pushed me back furiously and shouted,

‘’Why don’t you understand? I AM GETTING MARRIED’’

For a second I didn’t understand what just happened, it felt like I could hear the
sentence all over again and again, it was echoing in my ear.

‘’You are kidding right?’’ I said while I cleared my throat.

‘’No I am not, I am sorry! But you know I love you, are you listening, but I am getting
married this week?’’

‘’You can’t do this, I cant’’ I couldn’t speak since my heart was tearing into a million
pieces.

‘’Go make your future’’ She hugged me and walked away.

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CHAPTER NO 42:

I was sitting on the floor, with my head down on my knees and every thing in the room
was scattered. I cried my eyes out till 22 hours and still couldn’t stop. It felt I had died
today, and my soul has gone. It was just my body that was living with the pain of losing
her, my body was aching and every piece of my heart was breaking, I could hear the
sound of breaking. Her voice continuously echoed in my ears, when she told me is going
to get married. I felt like I should die the very instant so I could be free of all this pain
right now. I couldn’t bear it, I was shaking and my inner self was shouting from her
name. Life was giving me pain at its fullest.

I wanted to ask her, why did she leave me dying like this? She was about to be someone
else’s and I wasn’t ready to accept it. How can she take my soul away from me and yet
still ask me to be happy, how can she leave me in the middle of no where.

Life was giving me all the worries at once, I screamed louder and louder every time I
would think about it. I knew that all this would kill me from the inside. She was all I had,
all I wanted and still she was going away from me. Was I not good enough? I cried and
wondered, was I not making her happy? I asked my self again and again. I messaged her

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so many times to beg her not to leave me but I guess what ever she said was about to
happen. I couldn’t even think of her being with someone else, how can someone take my
world from me. She was meant to be mine and now she was going to be someone else’s.

That was the last day she met me, hugged me and cried and then I never saw her face.
The person I couldn’t live without seeing would be the last person I would see anymore.
I wanted her to come to me and tell me that every thing is a lie and that she is going to
stay with me forever. I picked up everything around me and threw it all over the place in
anger. That is something about love it never lasts. You are happy one moment and the
other moment you’re the saddest person on earth.

And yet that day I cried the most I had ever in my life, my life was completely changed
that day. I was completely changed. I was not ready to forget but I wasn’t even ready to
stay apart for longer. I knew that I was so madly in love that I couldn’t accept the reality.
For me it was just she, her name, her face, her voice and her whole existence. She was in
my heart and my heart was breaking apart but I still hold on to the last pieces of her. I
still would want to hug her and cry for the last time, but I didn’t because it wasn’t last for
me, I wanted it to happen every da, every second of my life. I wanted to take her name
every day and yet still manage to get a smile on my face.

CHAPTER NO 43:

1 week, 02 days.

I was lying on my bed. It was one week since she has gone and 02 days. Till now she was
already someone else’s. I wasn’t stable. My body was working but I stopped speaking, I
did listen to what every one said but it was like just every thing’s in slow motion. Many
people came to talk to me and tried to fix me, but it was just she. Only she could fix my
broken pieces, only she could make me who I was. I started eating lesser, sleeping a little
more, smiling a little less and crying a little more.

She and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet she was the one who
taught me the value of love. She showed me what it was like to care for another, and I
am a better person because of it. And yet she left me unanswered without a lot of
questions in my mind. And when I came in with tears in my eyes, she always knew
whether I needed her to hold me or just let me be. I don't know how she knew, but she
did, and she made it easier for me. I knew by then that the odds were against me. She

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held me when I was down she picked up all of me and assembled them into someone
who was happy and now the happiness was fading away slowly and slowly.

I knew life was testing me, but even when I had a thousand smiles around me I still
always needed to see her smile. Even when I was around thousands of people my eyes
still looked for her. I knew I would never cheer up again. Some nights I would wake up
and scream out her name and some night I would just not sleep in the pain. My heart
was in pain and it aching. Some days I would just sit for hours looking at her pictures
and with every picture I saw I would cry my heart out, with every time I closed my eyes I
felt her close to me. Wherever I went I would smell her, like she was present around me.

Every night I would pray to God to bring her back I would, I would cry to God and ask
him, what had I done that you took something so beautiful away from me? Have I ever
been a bad person in my life that you decided to take my life away, every time I heard
her name I would tear apart and every time I would miss her I would think of all the
time we have spent together, all those times she was close to me. All those times when I
thought she is never going to go away. I knew I was wrong. She did go away.

She was yet the best thing that happened to me, she was perfect while I was imperfect.
She loved me just the way I did and I knew she would be hurt the same way I was. She
was flawless while I was full of flaws. She was beautiful while I was ugly. She was a
miracle while I was just a random person. She was an angel sent down by God to make a
person like me happy and happy like I have never been. Every time I would put all her
things besides me, sleep thinking that one day maybe, one day she is going to come back
and yet that day I will hold her closer to me and never let go.

That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a
prelude to what will come. When I look at her, I see her beauty and grace and know they
have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life
before this on searching for her. Not someone like her, but her, for her soul and mine
must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understand, we've been
forced to say goodbye. I would love to tell her that everything will work out for us, and I
promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly
goodbye, I know we will see each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed,
and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before.

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AFTER 4 YEARS
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CHAPTER NO 44:

06th March 2022

It had been four years, I was still where I was living and I was done with my studies. I
became an engineer and I started to go on with life, but I still didn’t forget her. I would
still wait for her everyday. I would still miss her every day. I would still wake up with the
thought of her every morning. But I worked hard for her thinking that one day she might
come back and see me like this and she would be very happy. I was dying to see that
smile I was dying to hear that laugh. I wanted to see that face every day, so I set all her
pictures all over room so that every night I go to sleep and every morning I wake up , I
would see her face first.

In time, the hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let it go. At least I thought it was.
But in every girl I met in the next few years, I found myself looking for her, and when
the feelings got too strong, I'd write her a note for her. But I never sent them for fear of
what I might find. By then, she was gone on with her life and I didn't want to think
about her loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were that summer. I

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didn't ever want to lose. I wouldn’t sleep all nights because I know that it's over between
us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some
distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy
and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other
and growing in love. The love that was never faded away it was still there.

Every time I would miss her, I would close my eyes and feel her next to me, and every
time it felt like she was right there. Right there next to me, whispering that she is here
and she won’t ever go back. I would write her notes every day and keep them besides my
drawer so that if we met again in life I would give all of them to her, because she loved
notes, she loved me writing things to her. I knew she would have moved on with life but
I prayed every day that she be happy wherever she is, I had no idea where she was even
if I knew I didn’t want to know because my love for her would drag me to her and I
didn’t want to ruin everything for her.

6:00 PM

I took my pen and started writing another note for her, till now it’s been 123 notes, this
was my 124th note, I started writing,

‘’My dearest Marie,

I hope you are happy in life. Today it’s been 5674 days, 3374920 minutes and
65748203 seconds since you have left. I am finally a friend with darkness and already
broken up with the light, you were my light you were all that I had. But every time
that I need you I remember that you might be happy and your happiness is all that
mattered. Your presence is still in my body, in my heart and my mind. Some times it
feels like I am going to choke. I need you to come and take all of this away. My love
where ever I go I tend to look for you in everybody and every thing. Whenever I close
my eyes I see your reflection. Our love was like a wind we couldn’t see it but could feel
it and you were are like the flower that’s so beautiful every time you smell and see it.
You are still my heart, my soul and my reason to live. I know you cant hear me when I
cry every day with the pain of your absence, I know that you also feel sad but my love,
I am there next to you every moment and my love for you can never fade away.  The
best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a
fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me.
That's what I hope to give to you forever. I pray for you to be happy always, and my
love for you will always grow, I love you.’’

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With love,

CHAPTER NO 45:

I was doing my work as usual sitting besides the window, when suddenly my phone
started beeping. I was a person who barely talked to anyone. Usually it was my mom but
most of the times it would be a friend asking me if I am okay, I was doing my work and
ignoring the messages. While I was concentrating on my work, the phone beeped again.
‘’ Who on earth is this’’ I whispered to myself in anger. I turned over my phone and there
were messages from a random number. ‘’ Whose number is this?’’ I wondered. At first I
didn’t reply but then I thought it might be some friend trying to reach me out,

‘’Who is this’’ I replied and continued doing my work.

After a while I got a message again, this time I didn’t look at the phone and kept doing
my work thinking that I’ll message later on. Right when I was done with my work I
turned over to reply, and after seeing the message I was shook.

‘’It’s me, Marie’’

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I was shocked for a moment, I thought like I was day dreaming and it was some kind of
a miracle. I read the message a thousand times and it still said the same. I didn’t know
what to say to her, I didn’t know what to do. For the first time after years I smiled, I
knew that my love would not be wasted I would still be able to see her, I quickly replied,

‘’Marie, is that you? I am so happy’’ I replied.

I was feeling like the happiest person on earth, I wanted to ask her so much and wanted
to tell her so much. But at first I needed to know where is and how she is. I impatiently
waited for her reply, it was like when kids message their favorite stars and wait for days
for their reply in hope, I still hoped for her reply, I put the phone in my hand and stared
at the phone. After a while I got a reply,

‘’Yes it is me, how are you?’’ She replied.

‘’I am good, but tell me how are you? My love, you don’t know how much I waited for
this day’’ I replied with tears in my eyes.

‘’I hope you are happy, I miss you too and I want to ask something’’ She said.

‘’Ask, anything for you!’’ I said.

I was curious to know what she has to ask, so I carried on looking on the phone and
waiting for her reply,

‘’I am going to leave this place forever, for the last time I want to meet you. Can you
come?’’ She said

After reading this I had too many emotions at the same time, I didn’t know what to be,
happy, sad because I was going to meet her and she was also going away forever. But I
knew I would meet her and stop her, tell her how much I love her still and missed her.

‘’I will come, I will be so happy to see you’’ I replied.

‘’Okay meet me at XYZ at 5 sharp, and if you got late I’ll be gone till then’’ She said.

‘’I will be there, I promise’’ I said.

I was so happy and I waited for tomorrow impatiently, I knew tomorrow will be the best
day of my life and I couldn’t wait for a second to see her.

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CHAPTER NO 46:

4:00 AM

I woke up early in the morning, I was so excited to meet my love after such a long time
that I couldn’t wait for a single second and also I couldn’t sleep all night, I thought that
finally today is the day that I have been waiting for and today is finally the day I would
see her beautiful eyes and still be able to tell her good bye. I missed that face so much,
and that God has answered my prayers and he gave me another chance to see her. The
saying is true that, true love always lasts and it never fades away. And so our love never
faded away we got a chance to meet again. And this time I would never let her go ever. I
would keep her forever besides me.

I wore the best shirt and pants I had, combed my hair back and looked as great as I did I
looked in the mirror twice and fixed my hair a million times, I was going to see her after
years and I wanted to show her that I became the person she always wanted me to be, I
wanted to see her happy. I wanted her to hug me and tell me that she is finally very
happy to see me. I took out all the notes I have written for her and thought to give it to

108
them so she can read them every day and remember that someone loved her so much. I
felt like I got another chance to live, and yet I can’t let this chance go away.

It was 4:25 and I took out my car because I had to reach there before time so she
wouldn’t get disappointed that I let her down, I looked at the watch and exactly
calculated the time I would reach there. I put the radio on high volume and sang along
the songs because I was feeling like the happiest person on earth. I would look at the
time every second and drive a little faster, I was finally going to see the face I was
wishing to see all these years. She was waiting for me and I was waiting to meet her. Our
love finally paid off.

While I drive fast, and be happy thinking about her. My phone rang, I put it at the back
seat in a hurry, I thought it would be Marie asking where I am, so I tried reaching out to
the phone, it was put far away and it was still ringing. As I turn around to grab my
phone I hear a loud horn and I crash into a truck, and then everything blacked out.

I could not see anything or be able to move, all I could hear were sirens of the
ambulance I could see people gathered around me and shouting to take me to the
hospital, my breath was braking up and my hands were trembling. I could not move my
legs or my arms. I tried shouting that I have to go meet her and she is waiting for me but
I couldn’t speak it was like I couldn’t say a single word, I closed my eyes and saw the
same girl from my dream going away, now that I had finally seen her face, it was Marie.
I was shouting and tell her not to go but she was moving away, her light was fading away
and I tried to stop her but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move anything. I opened my eyes
and I was in the ambulance I could just feel the tears falling from my eyes because I
knew that I have lost her completely, after a few seconds everything blacked out.

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CHAPTER NO 47:

I opened my eyes, and looked around. I was covered all in blood. People were still
shouting around me, could clearly hear the sirens around me. I got up and ran so I could
go meet her in finally so many days I could finally meet the love of my life as I reach
towards the car door. I look down and was shattered to pieces all at once,

My dead body was lying down on the road besides the car and I reached out to look at
myself in the mirror of the car but all I could see was no shadow. I freaked out I started
touching myself and all that could happen was my hand passing through my body every
time I touched myself.

‘’Marie?’’ I whispered to myself

I stood there and could feel myself fading away slowly, they put my body in the coffin
and as I move my eyes towards the door there she is, wearing the black dress she always
wear and Oh! She looked beautiful and at that moment I knew that was the last time I
could ever see her, she comes closer to and with every step my heart beat gets raised,
just like old times. I was nervous, asking myself ‘’Am I looking good?’’ ‘’ will she like

110
me?’’ . I look at her thinking I can as long as I can today she sit besides my body and drip
by drip every tear from her eyes fall.

I go closer to her, lean down and whisper

“Say you wont let go”

THE END.

That Is the thing about love, it about love, you give all your life to love someone with all
your heart and yet it takes just a few seconds for them to go away. You know its true
when it goes and never stays forever. And that is what I learned about being in love with
her. That even thought you are miles apart your love can still grow stronger with the
distance, and yet my love for her never faded away and never will! I did I will and
ALWAYS love her with all my heart and soul.

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