OUT OF THE CLOSET

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

BY KAITLYNN BURGE

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CLOSET OF CONTENTS…

• Journey to self- discovery and confronting Who You Are

• Was it hard to come out to family and friends?
• Difficulties in life after coming out
• Acceptance in society
• Hate crimes
• Regrets
• Facts

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-

ND

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 JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY- WHO AM I?
• Didn’t always know I was lesbian
• Dated a few people of both genders
• Focused on me, friends and family
• Met and fell for someone special

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

The first question I am always asked is “did you always know you were gay?” My
answer is always “no” because it is not as black and white as it may seem. I grew up
playing sports and hanging out with guy friends and hanging out with my dad. This
was not considered “girls” activities. I didn’t date much in middle school, like most of
my friends did, and it wasn’t until high school that I actually started dating, and I only
did so because my friends wanted to play matchmaker. I dated guys and girls, none of
which at the time were what I was interested in, so I started focusing on me and my
friends. I did not know at the time that one of my best friends would actually be my
wife and the mother of our children. We started hanging out more after her mom
passed away, and eventually started dating. It was at this time that I realized who I
was, even though I never liked the labels. Five years later, we got married when gay
marriage was legalized, and had our first daughter a little over a year later. I finally
knew who I was and who I was meant to be.

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 A WALK OUT THE CLOSET DOOR
WAS IT HARD TO COME OUT TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS? WHY?

• Nervous

• Afraid of what others would think

• Worried how we would be treated

• Afraid of rejection

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

The problem that I have faced with many things in my life has to do with the fact that,
other than when I was in high school, I cared a lot about what other people thought.
It wasn’t until recently that I was able to let go of some of that self-conscious
behavior, even though It isn’t fully gone. I was nervous to come out to my friends and
family because I was afraid of being rejected or hated for who I am. I knew my sister
wasn’t going to care, but I wasn’t entirely sure about my parents and extended family,
especially since religion was a big thing for them. I was also afraid that my (now) wife
and I would experience some backlash for being together from people we worked
with and from our friends. It was a risk we had to take for some of those instances,
but we valued our relationship too much to hide it away. We were, and still are,
proud of each other and who we are. The thing that has helped me most is having
someone by my side that would make me a better person, and whom I knew would
not judge me or reject me based on who I am. That reassurance is enough for me to
live my life for me (and my family) without worrying about what other people
thought.

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 A WALK OUT THE CLOSET DOOR- CONTINUED…
WAS IT HARD TO COME OUT TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS? WHY?

• Afraid of friends’ rejection

• Afraid of how they would be treated

• Afraid of family’s reaction

• Stress

• Worried about “consequences” at home

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND

I interviewed a few friends and family who I found to have similar feelings and
situations, as well as situations that were slightly different. A friend of mine, Alex
McCoy, stated “It was hard to come out to family but not so much friends”. She felt
more comfortable telling friends than family. My cousin, Isabelle Burge, said “it was
very hard to come out to everyone. Even to the people I knew would be accepting.” I
also interviewed my wife, Janessa Burge. Although I know her story and the things
she went through because I was by her side during this time, there was no way to
really see how she felt about the situation. So these questions revealed a lot. “It
wasn’t hard to come out to friends and family because I did not care what they
thought. I was more worried about the consequences of telling my family, meaning
what would happen if I told my dad.” The last person I interviewed is a former co-
worker and friend, Veronica J. She said that “it was hard to come out to family,
especially my parents. My dad didn’t really take to it well.” Something that I have
noticed that most of these have in common is fear of rejection. They do not want to
be treated as anything less than who they are. They don’t want to be treated as
anything less than human. I also think that the outcome and reaction of those friends
and family is what drives everyone to be more cautious and worried. For Janessa, she
was worried that her dad might kick her out or completely cut her off, and she was
right for a while until her dad came around.

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 DOOR OBSTRUCTIONS
• Some backlash amongst friends

• Some backlash from family

• Struggle for equality

• Stress

• The need to protect my significant other

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

There weren’t a lot of intense difficulties that I faced after coming out to my friends
and family. However, there were a few smaller issues that I had to make peace with,
or at least come to accept. I had a few friends that turned away form me after I told
them the truth about myself. One friend was a little rude about it and was quick to
drop our friendship. Some family told me that they were okay with my “lifestyle” and
who I was, then I discovered that they were not really okay with it when talking to
other family or their friends. That was a little hard to accept, but I decided that I
should let that go because it was something they had to deal with, not me. The next
difficult thing was that my relationships were not considered to be equal to others
heterosexual relationships. Some talked about how I would never understand what a
real relationship was like. When gay marriage finally became legalized, I took the
opportunity to get married, before gay marriage was not considered equal anymore.
The next thing was the added stress from this. I felt that I needed to protect my wife
from the hateful comments we got, the awkward stares, and from feeling like she
didn’t deserve to be happy. While I know she is strong and can take care of herself, I
still felt like I needed to make sure she didn’t get hurt from all of this. That was a lot
for a person to take on, since I am sure we all feel this way at some point or another.
However, this was something that I felt all day, every day, no matter what was
happening.

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 DOOR OBSTRUCTIONS- CONTINUED…

• Constant coming out

• Facing family and friends

• Stressful

• Being kicked out

• Not accepting or being recognized

• Backlash from family

• Work harder for equality

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

Alex told me that the one thing she has the hardest time with is constantly having to
come out when meeting someone new. This could be when starting a new job,
joining a club, or even splaying sports. In addition to introducing yourself as a person,
most people tell others about their family and home life, which includes telling
people about what they would call your “lifestyle”. The lifestyle concept is a little
misleading. If you think about it, the people who are truly gay, lesbian, etc. would not
choose to be gay simply because they want attention. In fact, we receive a lot of
discrimination, physical and mental violence, and are victims of hate crimes. We are
born this way, and most of us are fortunate enough to get the opportunity to
recognize and learn about who we are. Isabelle claimed that the hardest thing she
had to face after she came out was facing family and friends. She came out to
everyone simply by posting on social media. Whenever she had to meet up with
family and friends, she was constantly worried about how they would react to who
she is. She felt like people suddenly saw her differently. Janessa was kicked out of her
dads home and received some pushback from family and a few friends as well. Her
dad cut her off from access to money and other personal items. This also included
her being cut off from conversation with her family, minus her brother who didn’t
care about that. She struggled with the fact that she felt like she had to work twice as
hard to be seen as equal amongst her family and friends. They did not think her

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relationship with me was a true one at all, and they often complained about it or
tried to bribe her to break it off.

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 ACCEPTANCE IN SOCIETY

• Turning their backs

• Passive aggressive suggestions

• Social media

• A walk through the store

• Rude comments
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

There are many times that I am walking down an aisle in the store and I am holding
my wife’s hand, or I make a comment about how much I love our daughter, and
people decide that making a disgusted face or saying some passive aggressive
comment is the way to go. A few times I have experienced parents turning their kids
away from us once they know we are together and telling them “quietly” to not talk
to people like us. This is one of the worst feelings in the world because it confirms
some of the fears that we have about living our lives by constantly fighting for
equality. It confirms the fear that we are not progressing as a country by accepting
everyone for who they are. I have had people post things on social media about how
their friends should not watch certain shows because it suggests homosexual
behavior, even after knowing that I have come out with exactly who I am. People
don’t realize that these comments are offensive and will get us nowhere in this life.
Our country is about progressing and uniting as one, not tearing each other apart and
making sure we all stay separated in our groups.

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 FUNCTIONAL THEORY

• AKA structural- functional theory

• Functionalist standpoint

• A different standpoint

• Support shown for LGBTQ+ by homosexual and heterosexual individuals

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

Definition: (aka: structural functional theory), sees society as a structure with

interrelated parts designed to meet the biological and social needs of the individuals
in that society. From a functionalist standpoint, there are many reasons that a
homosexual relationship wouldn’t keep our world turning. The main point that is
argued is that we would not be able to keep reproducing, which is true. However, the
thing that is not accounted for is the fact that homosexual couples, much like myself,
are still able to create life with the assistance of the opposite sex. My wife and I plan
to have several kids and have already had two thus far. We are able to create a life
and raise them on our own. The members of the LGBTQ+ community show support
for one another and are able to gain support from other heterosexual individuals and
couples. This support is shown by the attendance at the PRIDE parade and festival.
We all have something in common, love, even if it is for the same sex or opposite sex,
etc. This is the united aspect where we can all come together and are linked together.

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 REGRETS

• Not coming out earlier

• Change the method

• Standing up for myself

• Being proud of who I am This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY

Most of the people I interviewed and others I have talked to admitted that they
wished that they came out sooner than they did. For most people, the need to hide it
a little longer comes from the fear tactic of not being good enough or accepted or
treated the same. Some people just didn’t realize it until later in their life. Another
regret some have had is the way they came out. Isabelle regretted that she came out
to family and friends over social media, which can cause problems when it comes
time to facing those people. This also hides the true reaction of the person and the
ability to make judgments based on those reactions because you can’t see it over a
post. Something that I wish I did was stand up for myself and who I am sooner. I was
not very confident in myself to begin with, so it was hard for me to draw attention to
myself about coming out and being proud of myself. I feared the rejection but soon
realized that all I needed was approval from myself.

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FACTS

• 42% of people who are LGBT report living in an

• 90% of teens who are LGBT come out to their
unwelcoming environment.[1]
close friends.[4]
• 80% of gay and lesbian youth report severe
• In 2013, 92% of adults who are LGBT said they
social isolation.[2]
believe society had become more accepting of
• 6 in 10 LGBT students report feeling unsafe at them than in the past 10 years.[5]
school because of their sexual orientation. You
• Young people who are LGBT and who are “out”
can encourage your classmates to accept LGBT
to their immediate families report feeling
students by promoting your views on social
happier than those who aren’t.[6]
media.

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FACTS- CONTINUED… TOPIC: SUICIDE
• LGB youth seriously contemplate suicide at
almost three times the rate of heterosexual
youth.2
• LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have
attempted suicide compared to heterosexual
youth.2
• Each episode of LGBT victimization, such as
physical or verbal harassment or abuse,
increases the likelihood of self-harming behavior
by 2.5 times on average.6
• In a national study, 40% of transgender adults
reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of
these individuals reported having attempted
suicide before the age of 25.3
• LGB youth who come from highly rejecting
families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted
suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low
levels of family rejection.4
• 1 out of 6 students nationwide (grades 9–12)
seriously considered suicide in the past year.
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REFERENCES
• Dosomething.org. 2020. 11 Facts LGBT Life in America. https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-
lgbt-life-america#fn6
• Burge, Isabelle. 2020. Interview.
• Burge, Janessa. 2020. Interview.
• Jaramillo, Veronica. 2020. Interview.
• McCoy, Alex. 2020. Interview.
• The Trevor Project. 2020. Facts About Suicide. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-
suicide/facts-about-suicide/

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