The Art Of Meta: How Self-

Awareness Can Evolve Your

Seduction

Imagine this. You are having a conversation with a girl you just met at a
bar. She is describing a recent trip to Spain—to the same city you had
visited some years ago. She tells a story when she discovered an
abandoned cathedral near the beach. The conversation suddenly came to
a point where you both say the exact same thing at the same time. She
smiles, and without missing a beat, you say “wait, did we just have a
moment?” She replies “uh-huh.” You fist-bump her.

By acknowledging a reaction out loud, you’ve just made the

interaction meta for just a brief moment. This small and jovial act
demonstrates a special ability few people have. Though simple in practice,
it comes from a position of inner strength and years of social attunement.
In this post, I will explain what being meta is, and how to use it to create
attraction. First, I’ll let the pros show you how they do it:
“Eddie Izzard calling the audience out for hissing. He then writes on his
imaginary notebook after a joke fails at the 4:00 mark.”

“Louis CK calling the audience out for a moment of discomfort.”

Being meta is an acknowledgement, verbally or non-verbally, of a subtle

quirky moment in an interaction. It’s when you take the interaction to
another level of awareness. This acknowledgement not only takes away
the natural tension caused by those moments, it also enhances the
conversation. Simply put, being meta is talking about how we talk to each
other. However, these signs of personal power cannot be overstated:

1. An acute awareness of your own personal communication style and

abilities.

2. A broad situational awareness of your environment, social events, and

their paces.

3. A sense of humor that comes from an internal ease of tension.

4. The dynamic outcome independence when expressing yourself.

5. A willingness to be vulnerable and responsible about what you say and

how it’s perceived.

6. An uncanny ability to refine and clarify your intentions.

How does something seemingly innocuous like stating out loud your

observations have such a deep effect? It comes down to the layers of your
awareness and what you subcommunicate through your words and
actions. The more aware you are of your own honest communications, the
more in touch you are with your intentions and how you subcommunicate
it to others.

Types of Meta
 Meta-Awesomeness  (as discussed by Mark Manson). Example:
“Look, I’m a bit of a headache when it comes to commitment, and I
only get like this because I like you so much.”
 Meta-Humor, where you make fun of something in your
conversations or people’s reactions. Example: “Note to self: never
bring up that topic again.”
 Meta-Correction, where you clarify what you want to
communicate. Example: “Shit, that’s not how I wanted it to sound, let
me say it another way.”
 Meta-Flirting, or breaking rapport or instructing. Example
(breaking rapport): “Ohh, only you can get away with saying something
like that cause you’re so cute.” Example (instructing): “Hey, say what
you just said again, it was really cute.”

How to be Meta
Becoming meta is a fairly advanced social interaction technique. It comes
from years of social attunement. However, the more you practice, the
faster you will pick it up. It might seem weird at first, but once you’re
comfortable with it, it will seem like a part of your personality.

Meta-ness, or self-referencing, comes from your power of observations.

This means you can start practicing your observational skills without even
a thought of acting upon them. Then gradually, allow your expression
style to push these observations to the surface.

1. Be more aware of yourself

When you say or do something, become more predictive about how it
comes across to other people.

This takes a fair bit of mental exercise, ease of social anxiety, and
reception to feedback (verbal and non-verbal). Once you’ve achieved a
good amount of self-awareness, you can express yourself fully
while recognizing their congruence. If you sense an incongruence in your
communications, address it out loud. It’s perfectly okay to say “can I try
that again” or “could I say it in another way?”

2. Be more aware of
your environment and other people
Note external observations to sharpen your ability to get outside of
yourself.

When there is a pause or an awkward moment, there’s your opportunity

to be meta. Do it so that the conversation rolls on or takes another
direction. In a reaction to something weird someone just said, you can say
“well, I don’t know where to go with that, let’s just turn around.”

3. Be more at ease with yourself and

more outcome independent
When you are meta, you show the ability to laugh at yourself or the
situation, no matter how tense.

This shows that you are enjoying the conversation and the process of
making it flow. Your expression is not tied to some outcome. The
conversation doesn’t have to go anywhere and you are okay with that.
When you are at ease, you observe more and think less.

4. Don’t be afraid to show

vulnerability and responsibility
Saying things like “oh yeah that was weak, I’ll just have to do better”
shows that you are comfortable putting yourself out there to be judged,
and you can take responsibility for what you say or do.

It means that you have to take a number of risks in a conversation to

polarize people. Don’t do it for their reaction, but do it because that’s
what you truly think. Be okay with being wrong or offensive.

Take responsibility for your words and actions. Be humorous and laid-back
when you go meta. However, in some cases, it’s more appropriate to be
serious: “actually, that wasn’t a joke, I do want to know more about your
artistic aspirations.”

5. Continually evaluate your

intentions, they matter
Express, not impress. Being meta is a form of self-referencing expression,
not to show off how quickly you can point out flaws.

A person who is always self-correcting or pointing out nuances of how

other people talk can be seen as annoying at best, or needy at worst.

6. Emulate others
Comedians as Eddie Izzard and Louis C.K. can go meta on stage on a
whim. Izzard is great at saying things like “never put those two things
together again” (while pretending to write on his hand) or “that’s a good
laugh right there, I enjoyed it.” Louis C.K. will go on and on about the
fucked-up thoughts in his head.

As experienced world-famous comedians, they have reached a new level

of meta self-awareness that is not only hilarious, but also extremely
enlightening for their audiences.
You can be the same with the people you interact with, if only on a micro-
level. Check out some more Youtube clips that illustrate my point:

“Jim Jefferies acknowledges the tension of the audience. He also

comments on the timeliness of his second beer at the 2:45 mark.”

“Eddie Izzard once again points out an audience member’s laugh.”

7. Adjust and re-adjust

Observe how deep you can go meta and how often you do it. Too often
and too deep, and you will seem like a try-hard. Not deep enough, or too
sparse, and you seem insecure and able to think only about yourself.

At the right level, it’d seem like nothing can escape your power of
observations. You can make something exciting out of the simplest
actions.

Conclusion
So there you have it. Why is being meta so seductive? Because it shows
awareness—one of the pillars of a highly confident individual (or alpha, as
some call it). It also shows assertiveness, the courage to speak one’s
minds, and the responsibility in doing so. When you are meta, you aren’t
invested in what other people think about you, only in how you think.
Meta-ness, of course, is your observations through your own subjective
lenses. By pushing it to the surface, you say it as if it was a fact. That
influences people to take your point of view and go along with wherever
you are leading them. A seductive trait indeed!