4/8/2020 Parents, stop feeling so guilty about TV time - CNN

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Parents, stop feeling so guilty about TV time

By Elissa Strauss, CNN
 Updated 3:10 AM ET, Thu September 20, 2018

Story highlights
Children watching television, more often than
not, bring a sense of calm and even joy to the
household
For younger children, educational shows like
"Sesame Street" can improve their cognitive
abilities
minds lurks the specter of some other parent, be it a tech mogul or a supermom, whose children are living their
best lives, blissfully, productively, screen-free.
(CNN) — I've never met a parent at ease with the fact that their
children watch television. This includes many, many lovely,
curious and conscientious parents who allow their equally
lovely, curious and conscientious children an American
Academy of Pediatrics-approved one to seven hours a week of
television and video games.
Their kids love it. And they, the parents, seem to find relief in the
break it gives them.
Still, when the subject of TV comes up, they squirm. They
stutter. Their cheeks turn red and their eyebrows cinch as they,
so apologetically, explain why they need, really need, to turn on
cartoons to cook dinner or catch their breath. In each of their

Their defense of their children's screen time is not so much a confession but a concession to the better parent
they'll never be.

Why? There's no evidence that children watching some television is a problem, and more often than not, it brings a
sense of calm and even joy to the household. Even more strange: Most of us were raised in a time when "screen
time" wasn't a concept, and our afternoons were spent engaged in "Saved by the Bell." Few if any of us attribute
our neurosis or professional hiccups to this pastime. Why do we assume our children will fare any di erently?

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4/8/2020 Parents, stop feeling so guilty about TV time - CNN

Where TV-related guilt comes from LIVE TV

For her recently published book "The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real
Life," Anya Kamenetz, an education correspondent at NPR, pored over all the research on TV consumption and
children and found that the majority of parents have nothing to worry about.

"We know that most kids who watch some TV are going to be fine," she said, adding that parents with children
with behavioral disorders or who are on the autism spectrum might want to be extra careful.

The problem isn't television but what television can replace. If

sitting in front of the TV gets in the way of physical activity and
socializing, then yes, problems can arise. But a cartoon a day
is not going to pave the way for weight problems, an inability
to connect with others or an SAT disaster down the line.

Kamenetz explained that the culture shift around screen time

is not the result of increased use. "By the numbers, kids are
not spending more times with screens than they were in the
'80s," she said.

Related Article: Why kids love 'fascist'
cartoons like 'Paw Patrol' and 'Thomas'
them one step closer to an Ivy League education.
Instead, the shame and grief stem from the rise of a parenting
culture, among better-educated and wealthier parents, that
expects moms and dads (OK, mostly moms) to be intensely
devoted to their carefully cultivated children. A cartoon
represents a breach on both accounts: The parent is being
lazy, and the child is not engaging in an activity that will bring

"We feel guilt putting our children in front of a screen because it is a violation of the premise that we are supposed
to be constantly educating them," Kamenetz said.

TV has its benefits

Kamenetz suggests that parents should watch television with their children as often as possible. This allows the
parents to discuss character motivations with their children and, in the process, try to cultivate empathy in them.
Also, if parents are struggling to discuss a thorny subject with their children -- perhaps bullying or puberty --
watching a show about it together can open up the conversation.

"Humans have always used stories to help things make sense ... and deal with emotions," she said.

TV also gives parents a chance to better understand their

children. For all of my life, I've viewed action films with a
dismissive bewilderment. Immersing myself in a Manichaean
world where the good guys always beat bad guys? Meh.

But then, at my older son's behest, I began watching

children's action TV shows and films, and it started to make
sense. While I'm still not likely to pay money to see Tom Cruise
dangle out of a helicopter anytime soon, I understand the rush
of power one might feel from seeing him do so. Seeing a good
guy overcome all odds to get the bad guys creates a sense of
power and moral clarity, two things my son aims to replicate
in his pretend play. Thanks to multiple shared viewings of "The
Related Article: Kids' birthday party Incredibles" and "Ninjago," I'm now more adept at joining in.
presents actually matter

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4/8/2020 Parents, stop feeling so guilty about TV time - CNN

This social function of television doesn't just help the adult-

child bond. It can also help kids relate to one another. Shared interest in TV shows and movies can help L I V Eforge
TV
relationships and may make new, and scary, social situations easier for children.

"Fictional worlds can o er shared worlds to people who don't yet have anything in common," explained Jessica
Black, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at the University of Oklahoma who studies the relationship between
narrative, morality and the imagination. She explained that this could be especially true for young children, for
whom "the line between fantasy and reality can be tenuous."

My "Ninjago"-loving son spent much of his first week of kindergarten seeking out children who know the show's
story and characters and were willing to re-create them with him on the playground. Now, they've moved on to
their own creations -- zombie tag is the current favorite -- but their shared in interest in "Ninjago" helped ease the
transition.

Black said she grew up in a no-TV house and felt that she
su ered socially for it while growing up.

"It's important for kids to find common ground with other kids
when they go to school. When I was growing up, it was
traumatizing when teachers would ask us about our favorite
TV shows and I couldn't answer. I didn't want to put my kids
through that," Black said.

She also pointed to research showing that television can give

children a feeling of belonging and help them navigate thorny
matters surrounding their racial and sexual identity. For
younger children, educational shows like "Sesame Street" can
Related Article: Why extracurriculars improve their cognitive abilities.
make parents miserable

Not every moment of childhood has to be about optimization

But maybe all the above is missing the point. Maybe we shouldn't be focusing on the educational, social and
emotional benefits of TV and should instead be OK with it because it is, quite simply, super fun.

"In modern parenting culture, it is hard to resist the temptation to moralize everything and have everything fit to
brain enhancement," Kamenetz said. "But TV is a fun part of growing up and a treat. Especially if you don't have it
all the time."

TV is a pleasure. There are compelling images, stories and sounds -- often of places we would never, or could
never, step foot in. These worlds can be beautiful, and they can be funny. They also allow one's brain to, for a brief
period, turn to a nice, calm mush.

Not everything we do needs to be in service of a higher

purpose -- a better, shinier us. Sometimes it's OK to just sit
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I have a visceral memory of this feeling from watching
CNN Health team.
television as a child with my siblings, and I cherish it now
when I watch television with my son. And when my younger
son, now 1, is ready to join his brother on the couch, I will
guiltlessly place him there, delighted they may experience
these pleasures together.

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4/8/2020 Parents, stop feeling so guilty about TV time - CNN

That's a pleasure to me, no matter what appears on the screen.

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Elissa Strauss writes about the politics and culture of parenthood.

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