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Austero
BSA 1-4 Marso 9, 2020
Takdang Aralin:
When we say we love someone, we may believe that we need them in order to be happy which is
not necessarily true. We can go on to be fine when we lose someone we love because loving and needing
are not the same animal.
In my view, love develops into mutual caring and allows two people to value each other for being
their authentic selves, while need pressures people to be a certain way and not change. Love flows
outward toward others, while need pulls others toward us (whether they want to move toward us or not).
Love is other-oriented and generous while a need is restrictive and deprivation. When we confuse need
and love, we’re usually seeking someone to complete us in a way we may or may not be conscious of.
Let’s say . . .
We’re painfully shy and socially awkward and find someone who’s gregarious and appears at
home wherever they are and whoever they’re with. Socially, they’re everything we’re not.
We’re insecure and uncertain about doing the right thing and wrong and find someone who’s sure
of themselves and seems to always know the right answer and what to do. When we’re with them, our
insecurity dissolves and we feel protected and safe, sure that life will turn out well for us.
We have low self-esteem and feel unworthy of life’s pleasures and find someone who has a huge
appetite for them. We feel deserving of and get to enjoy these pleasures simply by being with them without
ever really believing that we deserve to enjoy them on our own.
We don’t feel special or unique and find someone who not only thinks they’re special, but other
people view them as exceptional as well. Simply by being around them, our specialness seems elevated,
as if their gifts are our gifts, their beauty erases our ugliness, and their glow is our glow.
Although we’re programmed through evolution to seek partners who are in many ways our
opposite, it’s crucial that we each feel emotionally complete. Admiring your partner’s extroversion, talents,
and self-assuredness and trying to be more like them is healthy. Needing someone because you are
emotionally undeveloped is not. What happens when they give up or lose what you need most in them?
When they no longer want to be restricted by who they’ve been and wish to move in a different direction?
When you love someone, you value and support their growth. When you need them, you fear it. For your
own mental health, when you’re considering a partner, shoot for love, not need.
Pagmamahal kaysa Pangangailangan
ni: Karen R. Koening
isinalin sa Filipino ni Shakira Mae Adena
Kapag ikaw naman ay hirap at may problema sa pagkilala ng kung ano ang tama o mali,
kadasalan ay humahanap tayo ng taong palaging sigurado sa mga desisyon at madaling nakaaalam ng
mga nararapat na gawin. Kapag ganito, ang simpleng pagsama natin sa kanila’y nakapaghahatid ng
pagpupunan sa ating kapintasan. Nakadarama tayo ng katiyakan – na para bang tayo ay protektado na. Sa
ganitong sitwasyon, sa tingin nati’y ayon na sa atin ang buhay.
Kapag naman sobrang baba ng ating tiwala sa sarili na paminsa’y umaabot na sa puntong iniisip
na natin na hindi tayo karapat-dapat na magtamo ng kahit na anong mga kasiyahan sa buhay, humahanap
tayo ng taong buo ang loob at desididong makapagtamo ng mga bagay-bagay. Kapag kasama natin sila,
nararamdaman natin na parang karapat-dapat din tayo, tulad niya.
Kapag nararamdaman natin na parang walang kakaiba sa atin at natagpo tayo ng taong
nagtataglay ng kahanga-hangang mga katangian, na kahit ibang tao’y mataas ang pagtingin sa kaniya, ang
simpleng presensiya ng taong ito sa ating tabi ay nakapagdaragdag ng kumpiyansa sa ating sarili. Naiisip
natin na ang kaniyang mga katangian ay katangian rin natin. Binubura ng matayog niyang pagkatao ang
ating mga kapintasan, at ang kinang niya’y nagbibigay kinang rin sa atin.
SANGGUNIAN:
Koenig, K. R. (2019, November 22). Loving Rather Than Needing. Retrieved from
https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/loving-rather-than-needing