James Moyer

Youth and Adolescent Development

March 12, 2020

The Trials of Female Adolescence

Mary Pipher’s ​Reviving Ophelia​ truly made me think. As a boy going through

puberty and adolescence, I was clueless about what was going on in girls lives. This book

opened my eyes into what it could be like to grow up with all the pressures of becoming a

woman. Some stories were devastating to read, while others were uplifting and gave me

hope for the future. I realize that this book was written almost thirty years ago, but many

of the stories and messages could be true in today's world. After reading the book, I

walked away with three big concepts; the parenting styles affecting the development of

the child, the effects of divorce, and the different selves a person can have.

I was not surprised when reading about how different styles of parenting can affect

developing girls. This seems to make sense. If I were to let my child make all of the rules,

he or she would walk all over me and take advantage of me. They would grow up and

have issues later in life dealing with consequences and having to do what they are told.

On the other side of this, if I am too strict my child might become disobedient or feel like

I do not care for them. Parenting is tough, and that is clearly seen in many parts of Mary
Pipher’s book. On page 136 Pipher begins to talk about the different family atmospheres

that can produce different children. “The first has to do with affection. At one end are

parents who are accepting, responsive and child-centered; at the other end are parents

who are rejecting, unresponsive and parent-centered.” (136). This relates to class the

other day when we were discussing Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, and

Disengaged parenting. Generally, children who come out of households with

Authoritative or Authoritarian parenting styles are more successful in life, and don’t get

into as much trouble as those from Permissive or disengaged households. Authoritative

parenting is being very strict, and the child has to stick to the parents rules, while an

Authoritarian parent will sit down with his or her child and talk about the rules. The

child's thoughts and feelings are considered here. A permissive parent is similar to a

Laissez-faire government. They are very laid back and let the child do whatever they

want to do. Finally, a disengaged parent is either not involved, or does not care about the

child or their wellbeing.

Another thing that surprised me came in the chapter about divorce. Pipher says

that she used to believe that children would be better off with divorced parents if their

parents were unhappily married anyway. However, she points out that this is not

necessarily the case. She notes, “Now I realize that, in many families, children may not

notice if their parents are unhappy or happy. On the other hand, divorce shatters many

children.” (225). I can relate to this myself. My parents got a divorce during the summer
right before my freshman year of college. Both of them say now that they were unhappy

during the time they were married, but as a kid I had no idea. I only began to notice once

my parents began going through the process of getting the actual divorce. I would like to

see more research done on this, seeing as in the book it is largely Pipher’s observations

being written down, rather than actually scientific proof or studies. This phenomenon is

very interesting, and I would like to see some sort of research done on the effect of

divorce vs. an unhappy marriage.

The last thing that peaked my interest in the book is the discussion of the surface

structure and the deep structure in people. Pipher says, “Surface structure is what is

visible to the naked eye- awkwardness, energy, anger, moodiness and restlessness. Deep

structure is the internal work- the struggle to find a self, the attempt to integrate the past

and present and to find a place in the larger culture.” (84). Girls of this age know that

these two levels exist, and it is acting as almost a true/fake self. For example, they might

ask a question that on the surface is very basic; but deep down the child wants to know if

their parents believe in them and give them the support to do a simple thing. This is seen

in simple conversations at school, to deep talks with parents or friends at home. This is

also attributed to so much failure in relationships in adolescent girls. Not just romantic

relationships, but relationships with parents, teachers, and friends. They can either read

too much into things or not understand what is actually being said and so many

misunderstandings or fights can arise.

 This book made me think about how tough growing up was for me. Thinking

about everything that was said made me upset over what so many girls have to go

through during this time. I know that if it was as tough as it was for me, being a girl

through all of that could make it worse. However, I am glad that I read it, and gained a

new insight to the struggles of growing up a female.