169 Which Witch Is Which

The Fairly OddParents
“Which Witch is Which”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT)
#169
Written By
Jack Thomas
First Draft: 8.6.02

Second Draft: 8.14.02
Third Draft: 8.16.02
Final Script: 8.21.02
The Fairly OddParents: “Which Witch is Which” final script by Jack Thomas 8.21.02 2
Nickelodeon Animation Studio. C2002 Viacom International Inc.

FADE IN:
EXT. TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - NIGHT
Push in on the TREEHOUSE.
INT. TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE ON CHESTER who is totally freaking out about something.
CHESTER
Guys, stop fighting! You know when you guys
fight I get gassy!
Widen to reveal that TIMMY and AJ are angrily hunched over a TABLE,
each with their own BLUEPRINTS for a float. <<SFX: Chester farts.>>
Behind Chester, in the fishbowl... COSMO and WANDA float on a
window sill.
COSMO AND WANDA

GAH!!!
Cosmo and Wanda put on GAS MASKS as Timmy and AJ pick up their
blueprints and fan the smell away.
CHESTER
Can we please just pick what our Dimmsdale
Founder's Day Float's gonna be?
AJ's very technical blue print shows Alden Bitteroot - A bold, muscular,
dark-haired Pilgrim. The float design shows Alden shooing a witch
away from Dimmsdale with a broom.
AJ
I say our float should be dedicated to Alden
Bitteroot! The unsung, witch-hunting hero of
colonial Dimmsdale!
Timmy holds up his design - a poorly scrawled crayon drawing of a

blonde muscular hero.
TIMMY
No way! We need to build a float honoring the
brilliance of Dale Dimm!
AJ
Dale Dimm didn't even exist! He's a folk
legend! If he's real, why isn't there any
proof? Like a portrait or something?
CHESTER
Stop fighting!
ON CHESTER - SFX: FART! Everybody winces.
TIMMY
I'll make you a deal. If you find proof
you're right about Alden Bitteroot, we'll
build your float. If I find proof about Dale
Dimm, we'll build mine. Deal?
AJ
You? Versus me? About facts? HA! I've
already won! (dramatic) To the library!
Come on!
AJ grabs Chester and runs O.S. Cosmo and Wanda POOF in.
WANDA
Timmy, AJ's a genius! You'll never be
able to out-library him!
Timmy pulls out a POLAROID-TYPE CAMERA.
TIMMY
Which is why we're going to get our proof
in person! I wish we could go back in
time and see how Dimmsdale was
founded!
Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands and POOF! We...
CUT TO:
EXT. YE OLDE DIMMSDALE MAIN STREET- DAY
It's like Salem in the 1600's except, it's Dimmsdale. Timmy -- dressed
in the Pilgrim-esque clothes of the day -- POOFS in with Cosmo and
Wanda as SQUIRRELS by a sign that reads "Ye Olde Town With No
Name!"
TIMMY
Here we are! Old Dimmsdale!
COSMO
Actually, we're in ye old town with no
name!
WANDA
Well, they should call it the town with no
hygiene. Look!
Timmy looks O.S. To see: ALDEN BITTEROOT, (Crocker in a pilgrim hat),

near a small group of CITIZENS. All of them are dirty, poorly dressed
and have horrid teeth. NOTE TO ARTIST: WE NEVER SEE BITTEROOT'S
FEET UNTIL THE END.
BITTEROOT
Behold! I present to thee: A witch!
Alden holds up a DUCK. The crowd "ahhhhs' except for one blonde,
huge, barefoot hick named DALE DIMM. (Think Lenny from "Of Mice
and Men.")
DALE
Durr... DUCKY!
BITTEROOT
Ducky? 'Tis a witch, I say! Thou dost
question me? Alden Bitteroot; hunter of
witches? Verily, it may looketh like a
duck...
Bitterroot puts a WITCH'S HAT and BROOM on the duck.
BITTEROOT
...but what of it now?
MOB
Witch! Witch! Witch!
BITTEROOT
Come! We shalst testeth this witch upon the
slow roasting spit of justice!
Bitteroot and the mob carry the duck past Timmy and O.S.
TIMMY
What? That duck's not a witch!
WANDA
I know! It's a BOY duck! Technically, that
would make it a warlock.
TIMMY
Whatever! Apparently, early settlers in
Dimmsdale weren't very magic friendly.
COSMO
Or duck friendly!
DALE (O.S.)
Der, excuseth me.
Timmy turns to see Dale Dimm right behind him.
DALE
Art though talking to the fuzzy wuzzies?
(beat)
Ooo! Oooo! Witch!
Wanda and Cosmo peek out from around the well.
WANDA
It's warlock, ye olde twit!
While screaming "Witch," Dale jumps up and down demanding

attention. Suddenly...
DALE
OWTCH-ETH! OOOTCH-ETH!!
Timmy nervously looks as Dale's commotion is starting to raise the

attention of the TOWNSFOLK.
TIMMY
Hold still. And pipeth downeth!
Timmy plucks a THORN out of Dale's bare foot, relieving him from pain
instantly. Dale hugs him way too hard.
DALE
Thanketh thee! Thou be-est my new
best-eth buddy-eth!
(sniffs Timmy)
You smell nice.
TIMMY
(sniffs Dale - he stinks!) It's called a bath.

You should try it.
We hear ANTI-WITCH WALLA as Alden Bitteroot leads a small GROUP OF

VILLAGERS in.
BITTERROOT
Well, bumpkin? Where be-eth the witch?
DALE
Uh.... There-eth?
He points... not at Timmy, At a LOG. Beat.
BITTERROOT
You have spied a Witch log! Bravo, Dale
Dimm! Well done!
Bitteroot and his mob grab the log and carry it off.
TIMMY
Wait... You're Dale Dimm?
Dale checks his UNDERWEAR. It reads "Dale Dimm."
DALE
(reading) Dale... Dimm...
TIMMY
HA! You are real! I was right!
Suddenly, the wafting SMELL of a wonderful meal floats through scene.
DALE
Mmmm! 'Tis the time of lunch!
Dale runs off. Cosmo and Wanda scamper in.
TIMMY
Hey! Follow that historical idiot!
COSMO
(Pissed) Hey!
WANDA
Not you, him!
They follow as we...

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DIMMSDALE TOWNS SQUARE-LATER
A CROWD of poorly dressed, dirty people with bad teeth have gathered
around a PLATFORM. On the STAGE is Alden Bitteroot and the OLDE MAYOR,
who is an old mayor. Timmy is in the back of the crowd, making a
SANDWICH and filling his plate from a large BUFFET of excellent looking
PIONEER FOOD. Turkey, roast pig, bread, corn, potatoes, etc. Dale takes a
seat on a BENCH -- but he's so heavy that he sends everyone on the other
end flying into the air. Cosmo and Wanda flit behind Timmy as BUTTERFLIES.
ON THE PLATFORM
OLDE MAYOR
We of the town with no name oweth much to
ye, Alden Bitteroot! Who just this morning
caughteth two more witches!
He puts out his hand. The Mayor hands him TWO SACKS OF GOLD.
BITTERROOT
And I swear to thee, good citizens, I
shalst rid this town of witches as long as
thy gold keepeth coming!
On TIMMY, with Cosmo and Wanda near him as Butterflies. He walks

past the table, picking up various pieces of meat and cheese, making a
sandwich.
TIMMY
Two witches? The duck and a log? AJ
was wrong! This guy is so wrong! He's a
total fake!
Timmy reaches in and grabs another slab of meat... A Puritan raises his
glass, revealing his sweaty arm pit... Right in front of Wanda.
WANDA
So we can leave? And go somewhere
that doesn't reek?
Timmy reveals... He still has his Polaroid camera.
TIMMY
No way! I gotta take a picture of the town
naming ceremony, so I can lie to AJ about
where I found it and win our argument!

Besides...
Timmy takes a bite of his sandwich and then belches up a BONE from
the duck.
TIMMY
'tis the time of lunch! And I'm starved!
ON THE PLATFORM
OLDE MAYOR
And so... to honor thy witch hunting, we
have finally decided to nameth this town!
We shall forever call this town - Bitterburg!!
ON TIMMY - Giving a spittake from his sandwich.
TIMMY
What? NO WAY!
The crowd gasps and parts. Timmy is left to face Alden Bitteroot and
the mayor.
BITTEROOT
Dost thee have a problem, neighbor?
TIMMY
The town isn't supposed to be called
Bitterburg! It should be named after
him! Dale Dimm!
Timmy points and everyone looks at Dale Dimm, who is picking his
nose. The crowd breaks into <<LAUGHTER>>.
DALE
I can touch-eth my brain!
CROWD MEMBER #1
Idiotville?
CROWD MEMBER #2
Moronopolis?
NED BEATTY LOOK-A-LIKE

Otisberg?
ON DALE - The crowd laughs as Dale steps on a FORK and hops around
on one foot, finger in nose. As he hops, he crushes things with his big
dumb feet. CHAIRS, TOWNSPEOPLE, PIGS... The laughter continues as
he continues to bound O.S.
DALE
Ow. Ow. Ow!!!
Bitteroot enters, furious.
BITTEROOT
Thou dost mocketh me in such a public
manner? Perhaps there is black magic
afoot?
TIMMY
What? Me? I'm not a witch!
BITTEROOT
Oh? Perhaps thou wouldst like to explain
that bizarre and arcane arrangement of
meat and bread.
Timmy looks at the SANDWICH he had been eating.
TIMMY
Oh, this?
Timmy grabs two pieces of BREAD, layers in various LETTUCE,

TOMATOES, MEAT AND CHEESE, making a massive SANDWICH.
TIMMY
Well, when you take-eth... two pieces of
bread-eth...Put in some meat-eth,
cheese-eth, lettuce and tomato-eth... It's
called a sandwich!
The crowd <<GASPS>>
BITTEROOT
Ah ha! He said witch!
TIMMY
It's not that kind of witch!
The crowd <<GASPS>> again.
BITTEROOT
Get him! Get the witch!
TIMMY
Time to booketh...
Timmy turns to run and is smashed under Dale's FOOT.
DALE
Ow-eth! Ow-eth! Ow-eth!
Bitteroot pulls Timmy out of Dale's massive foot as we...
CUT TO:
EXT. DIMMSDALE LAKE - LATER
Alden, Dale and the Mob have gathered on a DOCK. A trussed up Timmy
looks around for Cosmo and Wanda, but can't find them.
BITTEROOT
Since thou wilst not confesseth thy
witchery, we must testeth thee!
He signals to Dale and another PURITAN, who pick Timmy up to throw

him in the lake.
BITTEROOT
If ye sink and drown, then ye be human! But if
thou dost live, ye are a witch because witches
don't sinketh!
TIMMY
What? That makes no sense!
BITTEROOT
Not to a witch! PITCH THE WITCH!
They rock Timmy back and forth and give him a good heave.
TIMMY
I'm not a witch!
WIDEN TO REVEAL THAT UNDER THE DOCK - Cosmo and Wanda, in

fairy form, float unseen.
TIMMY
(LOUD) But I do very much wish-eth there

was a manner for me to magically
breathe-eth under water!
Cosmo eats a DUCK LEG. Cosmo waves the duck leg like a wand... But
nothing happens.
COSMO
My wand isn't working!
WANDA
That's a duck leg, you moron!
Cosmo <<burps>> out his wand.
COSMO
That's where you were!
Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands as we...
SCUBA POOF TO:
EXT. UNDERWATER -CONTINUOUS
Timmy sinks. Cosmo and Wanda poof a big BUBBLE around them all.
Wanda poofs away the ropes that bind Timmy.
TIMMY
Thanks, guys!
WANDA
Timmy, we have to get out of here!
These people are dirty and stupid!
COSMO
And trust me, she can put up with one, but
both is too much!
TIMMY
I can't leave now! If I leave, Dale Dimm
remains a laughing stock the town won't
be named Dimmsdale! I can't go to
Bitterburg Elementary! That's just dumb!
Come on!
They raise their wands and POOF! We...

DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DIMMSDALE TOWN SQUARE - LATER
Bitteroot and the Mayor are back on the stage in front of the Mob.
Alden leans on his BROOM.
OLDE MAYOR
Once again, Alden Bitteroot, you have
swept yet another witch away from our
town. Have some more gold!
BITTEROOT
Don't mind-eth if I do-eth!
The Mayor hands over another BAG OF MONEY.
TIMMY (O.S.)
Not so fasteth, you big fake!
The mob parts, revealing a soaking wet Timmy, wearing a COSMO

PILGRIM HAT and a WANDA PILGRIM BLAZER. The crowd gasps.
ON THE MAYOR - who snatches back his money bag.
BITTEROOT
What?!? Only a witch couldst survive
within the lake!
Timmy gets up in Bitteroot's face.
TIMMY
Or kid who can swim! You're just scaring
people to make them pay you to find
witches that don't exist!!
BITTEROOT
What of the log that said naught in it's own
defense and was justly burnt to an ash?
And the duck, which flew?
The crowd is murmuring in agreement when suddenly... The Cosmo hat

belches -- and spits out a duck bone.
BITTEROOT
His hat! It doth belch! Surely he must be
a witch!
WANDA
Warlock!
BITTEROOT
And his coat doth nag! He's clearly a
witch!
TIMMY
Smooth-eth move-eth.
Timmy runs. The townsfolk give chase. The camera follows.
TIMMY
Why am I running when I could be
poofing? Get me out of here!
Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands... when suddenly... Two bolts of
magic strike their wands! Their wands Fizzle.
COSMO
Somebody's blocking our magic!
TIMMY
Maybe there is a witch in this un-named
town!
Timmy turns back around and surveys the crowd. Who is the witch?
Not Dale. The THREE LADIES stirring the big black KETTLE? No, they
lift their stirrers and you can see they are doing laundry. A WOMAN is
floating on a broom. We pull back to see she's on a little ride -- the
kind you'd see in front of a grocery store.
TIMMY
(realizing beat) Or a warlock!
TIMMY'S POV - Timmy focuses on Bitteroot, standing in front of the

BITTERBURG sign. The design of "BITTERBURG" -- with the two T's
making a peak to his pilgrim hat, making it look like a classic witch's
cap! And he is leaning on a broom. And the black cat that jumped out
of the woman's arms just jumped up on the railing beside him and
winked.
TIMMY
Alden Bitteroot, I accuseth the of
beingeth... A Witch! (beat) Eth!
The crowd gasps and turns towards Bitteroot.

BITTEROOT
Thou art mad! Mad, I say-eth!!
TIMMY
Oh? Then why don't your feet touch the
ground?
WIDEN TO REVEAL - Sure enough... His feet don't touch the ground. He
floats. Like a fairy.
OLDE MAYOR
Many of us were quite perplexed-eth
about that.
BITTERROOT
Zounds! Thou hast ruined my plan to
taketh over this town!
He becomes so enraged, a PEAK pops up on his pilgrim hat. He floats

toward Timmy shooting FIREBALLS out of the end of his broom while he
cackles an evil witch laugh! The crowd flees.
BITTERROOT
(cackles) Prepareth to perish under the
witchery of Alden Bitteroot!
Timmy dodges the fireballs as he zig-zags down the street. Timmy,

Cosmo and Wanda dive behind the well. A fireball crashes near by.
Bitteroot is closing in.
BITTEROOT
No one doth have the courage to help-eth
thee now, child! Bid farewell to thy belching
hat and nagging coat!
DALE (O.S.)
Little Buddy!
Dale Dimm rushes at Bitteroot. The witch turns and with another evil
laugh, aims his fireballing broom at Dale. He fires - just as Dale steps
on a PLOW.
DALE
Ow. ow. Ow. Ow.
Dale hops around on one leg, inadvertently dodging the fireballs and
getting closer and closer to Bitteroot, until he bumps him into the well.
He falls for like... ever.
BITTEROOT
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!
SPASH! The mayor, Timmy and Dale look down into the well.
TIMMY
Wow! That's one deep well.
BITTEROOT (V.O.)
I'm melting-eth! I'm melting-eth!
Timmy pulls the plow out of Dale's foot as several townsfolk surround
Timmy. They are ALL holding sandwiches now.
OLDE MAYOR
Young witch hunter! How canst we of the
town with no name ever thank thee for
ridding us of that witch and the creation
of a portable way to dineth upon meat
and cheese?
TIMMY
Don't thank me! He's the hero that
stopped the witch! Dale Dimm!
Widen to reveal Dale, obliviously sucking his thumb near the sign that
reads "Ye Old Town With No Name."
OLDE MAYOR
So be it! From this day forth, we shall
name this town Dimmsdale!
CROWD
Huzzah!!!
They raise their arms... Stink lines instantly blast from their unwashed
arm pits. And the TREES around them instantly die. Suddenly, a LOCAL
ZIPS into scene with a carved wooden SIGN that reads "Welcome To
Dimmsdale."
ON TIMMY - Pulling out his POLAROID CAMERA. He motions to several

citizens to get in the photo.
TIMMY
Great! Now can you all just kind of
scrunch together?
Timmy's POV - We see a group of citizens, Dale Dimm and the Mayor
scrunching to get into the picture around the old Town Well.
TIMMY (V.O.)
Okay... Now smile!
They smile, revealing hideous teeth. POOF! Timmy takes a photo. It

spits out a Polaroid.
DIFFERENT ANGLE - The mayor, Dale and the citizens freak.
OLDE MAYOR
The box! It flashes with the light of a
thousand suns!
CROWD MEMBER #1
WITCH BOX! RUN!
They flee. Timmy plucks the PHOTO from the camera.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. STREETS OF DIMMDALE - THE NEXT DAY
CLOSE ON THE PHOTO, NOW IN AN AGED FRAME - AJ holds it.
AJ
Man this portrait is good! It almost looks
like a photo! Where did you find this?
Widen to reveal that Timmy, Chester and AJ are all in some sort of
cockpit... All holding sandwiches.
TIMMY
Uh... Internet?
AJ
Fine with me! My Alden Bitteroot float wouldn't
have been nearly this cool!
CHESTER
Yeah, but this Dale Dimm robot float you
built is amazing!
WIDEN TO REVEAL -- Timmy, AJ and Chester in a gigantic DALE DIMM

ROBOT that, of course, is smashing every other float under it's gigantic
bare, robotic feet.
AJ
This is going to be the best Dimmsdale
Founders and Invention of Sandwich Day
parade ever!
DAD, holding a sandwich, cowers under it's robot foot.
DAD
Oh my heavens... RUN!!!
WIDEN STILL to reveal that the Dale Dimm robot is crushing its way
down the street, just like Dale Dimm... Hopping, crushing people
holding sandwiches under it's feet and then pulling people out from it's
toes.
ON THE ROBOT - Through the eyes, we see Chester, AJ and Timmy.
TIMMY
(to AJ) Can I steer?
AJ
No way! It's still my turn!
CHESTER
Stop fighting!
SFX: FART! Timmy and AJ start wince.
TIMMY AND AJ
GAK!
ON COSMO AND WANDA - As POST BOXES on the street.
WANDA
Wow! Their float sure is destructive!
COSMO
But it's historically accurate!
A shadow falls over them. It's the Dale Dimm foot.
COSMO AND WANDA

AAAAAAAAAA!!!!
The big Dale foot pounds COSMO AND WANDA flat. The screen goes
black. And we...
FADE OUT.

169 Which Witch Is Which

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169 Which Witch Is Which

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The Fairly OddParents

“Which Witch is Which”

First Draft: 8.6.02

Nickelodeon Animation Studio. C2002 Viacom International Inc.

EXT. TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - NIGHT

Push in on the TREEHOUSE.

INT. TIMMY'S TREEHOUSE - CONTINUOUS

CLOSE ON CHESTER who is totally freaking out about something.

COSMO AND WANDA

Timmy holds up his design - a poorly scrawled crayon drawing of a

ON CHESTER - SFX: FART! Everybody winces.

Timmy pulls out a POLAROID-TYPE CAMERA.

Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands and POOF! We...

EXT. YE OLDE DIMMSDALE MAIN STREET- DAY

Here we are! Old Dimmsdale!

Timmy looks O.S. To see: ALDEN BITTEROOT, (Crocker in a pilgrim hat),

Bitterroot puts a WITCH'S HAT and BROOM on the duck.

Timmy turns to see Dale Dimm right behind him.

Wanda and Cosmo peek out from around the well.

While screaming "Witch," Dale jumps up and down demanding

Timmy nervously looks as Dale's commotion is starting to raise the

(sniffs Dale - he stinks!) It's called a bath.

We hear ANTI-WITCH WALLA as Alden Bitteroot leads a small GROUP OF

He points... not at Timmy, At a LOG. Beat.

Dale checks his UNDERWEAR. It reads "Dale Dimm."

Suddenly, the wafting SMELL of a wonderful meal floats through scene.

Dale runs off. Cosmo and Wanda scamper in.

They follow as we...

EXT. DIMMSDALE TOWNS SQUARE-LATER

On TIMMY, with Cosmo and Wanda near him as Butterflies. He walks

Timmy reveals... He still has his Polaroid camera.

where I found it and win our argument!

ON TIMMY - Giving a spittake from his sandwich.

NED BEATTY LOOK-A-LIKE

Bitteroot enters, furious.

Timmy looks at the SANDWICH he had been eating.

Timmy grabs two pieces of BREAD, layers in various LETTUCE,

The crowd <<GASPS>>

The crowd <<GASPS>> again.

Get him! Get the witch!

Timmy turns to run and is smashed under Dale's FOOT.

Bitteroot pulls Timmy out of Dale's massive foot as we...

EXT. DIMMSDALE LAKE - LATER

He signals to Dale and another PURITAN, who pick Timmy up to throw

WIDEN TO REVEAL THAT UNDER THE DOCK - Cosmo and Wanda, in

(LOUD) But I do very much wish-eth there

Cosmo <<burps>> out his wand.

Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands as we...

SCUBA POOF TO:

EXT. UNDERWATER -CONTINUOUS

They raise their wands and POOF! We...

EXT. DIMMSDALE TOWN SQUARE - LATER

The Mayor hands over another BAG OF MONEY.

The mob parts, revealing a soaking wet Timmy, wearing a COSMO

ON THE MAYOR - who snatches back his money bag.

Timmy gets up in Bitteroot's face.

The crowd is murmuring in agreement when suddenly... The Cosmo hat

Timmy runs. The townsfolk give chase. The camera follows.

TIMMY'S POV - Timmy focuses on Bitteroot, standing in front of the

The crowd gasps and turns towards Bitteroot.

He becomes so enraged, a PEAK pops up on his pilgrim hat. He floats

Timmy dodges the fireballs as he zig-zags down the street. Timmy,

ON TIMMY - Pulling out his POLAROID CAMERA. He motions to several