‘Sally & Mo’

A Romantic Comedy

(Film outline)

Gareth Brookes
gareth.brookes@gmail.com

SALLY AND MO
A young Ancient Egyptian Prince is plucked out of limbo and falls
desperately in love with a Yorkshire barmaid – a romance that sparks
into life hidden passions and dreams in a tiny Dales village, brings a little
summer magic, and drives the pub’s darts team to an historical triumph.
But it’s a romance that not everyone wants to succeed, either from her
time or his.

Thebes, 1505 BC. On the eve of his wedding to the stunningly wealthy Princess
Nefatari – and social advancement beyond his impoverished family’s wildest
imaginings – Prince Seti Imhotep wishes he was somewhere else. All he
desires is to fall in love with someone of his choosing, to be happy and enjoy a
simple, carefree life. Not that he dislikes Nefatari, she’s quite sweet really… for a
six year old. The Gods can be so cruel at times, and a fatal encounter with a
black cobra rounds off a pretty bad day for Seti Imhotep.

Present day. Where the tiny village of Goatsdale is a throbbing, pulsating welter
of emotions – mostly centred on young Sally Roberts, barmaid at ‘The Three
Gentlemen’ (aka The Gents). Beautiful, flaxen-haired Sally, pulling pints and
wishing her life away. Wishing for something, anything, to break the monotony
and completely unaware of the desperate longings she stirs in the hearts of the
red-blooded village lads.

Lads like Seth Young, a would-be property developer with his sights set on The
Gents – and who is so obsessively besotted with Sally that he’s determined if he
can’t have her, then no-one can.

Not that the older generation are immune from thoughts of love – Alfred and
Nellie have endured a thirty year relationship that’s the gossip of West Yorkshire.
All Nellie dreams of is a white wedding. And Wanda, the village clairvoyant,
yearns for a more passionate, exciting future with Sandy, the Gents’ landlord.
The pub darts team would just love to win for once. To hammer their cocky
Lancashire rivals, The Archers, in the annual Gripethwaite Challenge and reverse
decades of humiliation for the village.

Dream on..?

Mid-Summer’s Eve and the locals lay aside their passions to join Wanda in
performing a harmless, and downright desperate, ritual of good fortune aimed at
awakening the slumbering talents of the Gents’ darts team. In fact, it awakens a
slumbering Egyptian Prince, whose mummified body has lain undisturbed behind
the Gents’ toilet wall since old Squire Lampton brought it back from a trip East in
1857 – and her ladyship resolutely refused to have it in the house.

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Prince Seti Imhotep, (aka Mo) young, handsome and cruelly snatched before his
time returns, dressed only in eye make-up, and determined not to miss out again
on the good things in life. For while his mummy may have been entombed in
‘The Gents’, Mo’s soul has had to endure 4000 years of excruciating boredom in
Limbo, courtesy of a massive cock up in his funeral rites.

Once over the shock, the villagers quite take to Mo. Wanda even persuades
Sandy to give him a job behind the bar of ‘The Gents’. For Mo, a Theban heart
throb, can not only hit double-top every time but also has the knack of turning
Fate to make even your wildest dreams come true…

Why shouldn’t Alfred and Nellie finally tie the knot? Why shouldn’t Sandy
transform into the hot-blooded sex beast that the smouldering Wanda so desires?
Why shouldn't the Gents' darts team win the Gripethwaite Challenge? Because
they’d all be deafened by the squeal of flying pigs? Not with Mo around. He is
even able to thwart Seth’s plans to re-develop the Gents, by concocting a batch
of Egyptian home-brew so wondrously lethal, that the pub becomes the talk of
the Dales.

Mo’s gratitude to the good folk of Goatsdale in granting him a second bite of life,
and his sheer enthusiasm in the belief that nothing is impossible, spurs everyone
on to greater things. If you want it to happen, it can happen. In return, Mo is
initiated into the arcane mysteries of becoming a Yorkshireman.

Love is in the air. And Mo’s in love with Sally from the moment he sets eyes
upon her. The villagers are agreed that Sally and Mo are made for each other.
Unfortunately, Sally doesn’t, remaining totally unimpressed by Mo’s ‘magic’
touch. She’d like to believe in him… it’s just that he’s too good to be true. Sally
has no intentions of being let down and hurt. The village rallies round to do all it
can to kindle the romance. After all, they have a certain vested interest in Mo –
he’s their best darts player, leading the team from strength to strength. But
ultimately it is up to Mo to prove that he, and his love for her, is genuine.

Which is easier said than done. For when it comes to matters of his own heart,
Mo is ill-equipped for the task ahead. Certain of his ways and habits have to
change – a 4000 year sojourn with the weird and out of touch souls in Limbo, has
coloured his social outlook somewhat. There’s sexual equality to get to grips
with; the fact that being royalty is no big deal in Yorkshire, and that a diet of beer
and onions for breakfast may be considered a turn off. However, with a little
coaching, bullying and generally being brought down to earth from Alfred and
Nellie, Mo is at least pointed in the right direction.

But just as one lesson is learnt, one obstacle overcome, others crop up. Namely,
Wanda declaring her undying lust for Mo, Sandy’s subsequent jealousy, and Seth
on a mission to poison the village about him. In his quest for Sally’s heart it’s
time out for Mo, as he diverts Wanda’s attentions; gives Sandy an impromptu and
inspiring crash course on Egyptian love-making; talks up Sandy’s hidden sexual
depths to Wanda; and proves to the whole of Goatsdale what they’ve known for
years – that Seth Young is an untrustworthy, devious git. Eventually, through
humility, self sacrifice and sheer perseverance Mo turns the tide of Sally’s
affections – she begins to warm to him.

And the magic that Mo sparks in the hearts of the villagers finally comes to
fruition. On a hot summer’s evening the seemingly impossible happens. The
Gents’ darts team wins the Gripethwaite Challenge, kick starting wild celebrations
in the village. In honour of their hero, the Gents bar is hastily decked out as
Ancient Thebes. Goatsdale’s greatest night, a night of high emotion and dreams

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come true – as Alfred finally proposes to Nellie, where Sandy drags Wanda
upstairs for a masterclass in spectacular, unbridled love-making... and when Sally
finally gives her heart to Mo.

But every miracle has it’s price. Mo’s absence from Limbo has not gone
unreported.

As the celebrations and love-making continue unabated, three gentlemen with a

difference arrive in town. Three Ancient Egyptian Gods whose sole purpose is
to reclaim Mo and ceremonially send him off to the Fields of Yaru, the Egyptian
Afterworld. The Book of the Dead dictates they cannot return empty-handed.

Somebody else is also ready to claim Mo – the festeringly jealous Seth. A loser in
the battle for Sally’s heart, his dream to re-develop The Gents in ruins, and
publicly humiliated in a series of run-ins with Mo, Seth’s mind has snapped.
However, he has reached a brilliantly calming conclusion…that you can’t be
prosecuted for killing a dead person.

The Gods want the job done quickly, quietly, efficiently. In and out, no fuss, no
mess. The gobsmacked villagers, however, stumble upon the trio’s mission. And
the Gods are led a merry dance as every trick in the book – including getting
them gloriously drunk – is employed to keep Mo in Goatsdale. But despite all
their best efforts, despite Sally and Mo’s heartfelt pleas as lovers, it is an unequal
struggle. The three ancient Gods prove they are not to be trifled with, nothing on
earth can stop them from taking Mo…sorry!

Celebration is replaced by mourning as The Gents’ bar is prepared for the

Ceremony of Eternal Departure. Sally and Mo are granted one last moment to
say farewell – while his mummified remains are liberated from behind the toilet
wall, so that body and soul can once again be re-united. As the final rites and
invocations are intoned, Seth bursts in armed and dangerously deranged.
Unfazed by the bizarre sight that greets him, Seth demands that Mo is handed
over to him. The Gods refuse. Furious, Seth blasts Mo’s fragile mummy into dust
and turns the gun on Sally – now will they do as they’re told? To be threatened
by a mere jumped-up mortal is guaranteed to test the patience of even the best-
tempered deities, let alone the likes of Anubis, Horus and Sobek. Mo rushes
forward, warning him that these are not the right people to make angry – and
offers himself to Seth. Seth smiles, the object of all consuming hatred firmly in
his sights… and pulls the trigger…

… simultaneously, the Gods, totally jacked off by the whole situation, flex their
muscles and let all hell loose. A blinding flash, a roaring surge of power – and as
the dust settles in the Gents, Sally and the villagers emerge from behind the bar
to discover that the Gods, Seth and Mo have all disappeared.

The village of Goatsdale is quiet and subdued. They ponder on Mo’s fate,
remembering the magic he brought to their lives.

At the entrance to the Fields of Yaru the Gods present the lost soul of Prince Seti
Imhotep to the Gatekeeper. They demand he be welcomed in. The gates to the
Eternal Paradise are opened – but not before the Gods have a quiet word with
their charge. He’s to keep his mouth firmly shut about this whole business, and
consider himself extremely lucky to get off so lightly. Imhotep, none other than a
wide-eyed Seth, nods and walks in. The gates close, the Gods sigh with relief.
They haven’t returned empty-handed and The Book of the Dead, so to speak, is
once more balanced.

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Heart-broken, Sally silently pours pints in The Gents. Drinking up time is called,
the customers leave. Neither Wanda or Sandy, nor Alfred and Nellie can console
her. Alone in the pub, Sally sits and cries. Her grief is disturbed by someone
playing darts in the bar. Angry, and storming over ready to give a mouthful to
some hard-faced local thinking they’re on for a stay behind, Sally’s breath is
taken away. For throwing double tops… is a smiling Mo. His mortal remains
being destroyed by Seth rather cocked up the grand scheme of things. No
mummy, no entrance to the Fields of Yaru, that’s the rule. Nobody wanted him…!

Sally does, and so does the rest of Goatsdale.

And so Mo is finally granted his wish, to live a simple carefree life as a barman in
Yorkshire with the girl he loves, Sally.

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