Varying Sentence Openers, Conciseness,

and Editing & Proof-Reading Strategies

Varying Sentence Openers

A. Review the handout and Identify each type of sentence opener used in the paragraph below. 

Quickly running home [?], Rover sloshed through the pouring rain. Before going up the steps to the
porch,[?] he shook the water off his soaked coat. Tiredly,[?] he plopped down on the porch and
happily licked himself dry. Finished with his romp in the rain, [?] Rover entered the warm house.
Yawning, [?] he settled gratefully on the braided rug near the roaring fire.

B. Take out a piece of paper and rewrite the following sentence using the sentence opening strategy
that your instructor assigned your group. Feel free to add additional information to the original
sentence. You will then tape it to the wall of the classroom and circulate to read other group’s revised
sentences. Can you identify the strategy that they used?

 Original Sentence: The biggest coincidence that day happened when David and I ended up sitting
next to each other at the Super Bowl.

Conciseness
Revise the following paragraph so that each sentence is as concise as possible. Combine or divide
sentences if necessary.

At the present time, one of the most serious problems that face Americans in the area of public policy
is the increasing rise in the cost of health care, which has occurred over an extended period of time.
One major aspect of the severe crisis in health care costs is that more and more expensive medical
technology is being developed and marketed to doctors and hospitals. Even hospitals that are small in
size want the latest kind of diagnostic device. The high cost of this expensive equipment is passed on
to consumers, who are the patients. It is then passed on to insurance companies. Therefore, many
employers are charging their employees more for health insurance because they themselves are
having to pay higher and higher premiums. Others are reducing the employees’ coverage to a
significant extent. Meanwhile, almost forty million Americans suffer from the condition of a lack of
any health insurance. In the event that they have an illness or an injury, they must go to a hospital
emergency room. In large cities, emergency rooms are being overwhelmed by people seeking
treatment for everything from life-threatening gunshot wounds to broken bones (192)

Editing & Proof-Reading Strategies

Read the Revision Checklist (hyperlinked above) and identify items on the list that you need to focus on
during the revision and editing stage of the writing process. Be prepared your response with your partner
or group.
Responding to Other Student’s Writing
Generate a list of characteristics of “good’ feedback based on Straub’s suggestions. Then, apply those
suggestions as a responder to your peer’s draft. Individually provide feedback to the draft you were
assigned. 

Goals:

Getting Started:

Your Comments:
On what?
Where?
How much?
Tone:
Praise/Criticism:
Presentation: