Mission: Period:

Team Alignment Map

Joint Objectives Joint Commitments Joint Resources Joint Risks

What do we intend to achieve together? Who does what and with whom? What resources do we need? What can prevent us from succeeding?

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 Mission: Period:

The Team Contract What are the rules and behaviors that we want to abide by in our team?
As individuals, do we have preferences to work in a certain way?

Out

In

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The Language Compass

(Incomplete) Facts
or Experiences
statements clarification 2uestions
“I heard…” Who? What? When? Where? How?
“They said…” How many? For what reason?
“She saw…” What do you mean exactly?
“I feel…” What happened?
Could you be more precise?

First-Order Reality
Physically observable qualities of a thing or situation.
N
Second-Order Reality
Perceptions, personal interpretations of the first-order reality.

Generalizations
statements clarification
“Always” 2uestions
“Never” Always?
Rules W “Nobody” Never? E Judgements
“Everyone” Nobody?
statements clarification 2uestions “People” Everyone? statements clarification 2uestions
“I must…” What might happen if…? People? “I am…” What tells you that…?
“It is necessary…” Never? Are you sure? “Life is…” What did they say?
“I can’t…” Nobody? “It’s good/bad to…” In what way is this unacceptable…?
“It’s impossible to…” Everyone? “It’s important to…” Something on your mind?
“It’s inappropriate to…” People? How is this manifested?
Are you sure?

Assumptions
statements clarification 2uestions
Interpretations How does x cause y?
Hypotheses What makes you recognize that…?
Deductions How do you know…?
What are you waiting from…?
Can you explain further?
Can you give an example?
What makes you think so?

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The Politeness Card Tips for being tactful and demonstrating consideration.

Need to be respected Need to be valued

Demonstrate Respect Demonstrate Recognition

techni2ues example techni2ues example
Questioning rather Thank A big thank you.
than commanding Will you…? Wish Be well, have a nice day.
Express doubt I don’t suppose you might…? Inquire How are you? How is it going?
Hedge the request …, if possible. Compliment Nice sweater.
Acknowledge the Anticipate You must be hungry.
impingement I’m sure you’re busy, but…
Advice Take care.
Indicate reluctance I normally wouldn’t ask, but…
Endear My friend, mate, buddy, pal,
Apologize I’m sorry to bother you, but… honey, dear, bro, guys.
Acknowledge Solicit agreement You know?
a debt I’d be eternally grateful if you would…
Attend to the hearer You must be hungry, it’s a long
Use honorifics Mr., Mrs., Miss, Professor, Dr. etc.. time since breakfast. How about some lunch?
Be indirect I’m looking for a pen. Avoid disagreement A: You don’t like it?
Request B: Yes, yes I like it, um, I usually don’t eat this but
forgiveness You must forgive me but… it’s good.
Could I borrow your pen? Assume agreement So, when are you coming to see us?
Minimize request I just wanted to ask you if I could use your pen. Hedge opinion You really should sort of try harder.
Pluralize the person
responsible We forgot to tell you that you needed
to buy your plane ticket by yesterday.
Hesitate Can I, uh,…?
Impersonalize Smoking is not permitted.

risky behaviors risky behaviors

Direct orders Embarrass Ignore
Interrupt Disapprove Speak only about yourself
Give warnings, prohibit, or threaten Openly criticize Mention taboo topics
Suggestions, reminders, advice Contempt Insults, accusations,
Ridicule complaints

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The Nonviolent Requests Guide

1
When you do (OBSERVATION) 3
My need is (NEED)

I feel Would you please

2 4
(FEELING) (REQUEST)
?

Feelings when your needs are not satisfied Needs

afraid angry disconnected embarrassed sad vulnerable connection physical autonomy

apprehensive enraged alienated ashamed depressed fragile acceptance well-being choice
dread furious aloof chagrined dejected guarded affection air freedom
foreboding incensed apathetic flustered despair helpless appreciation food independence
frightened indignant bored guilty despondent insecure belonging movement/exercise space
mistrustful irate cold mortified disappointed leery cooperation rest/sleep spontaneity
panicked livid detached self-conscious
REQUEST discouraged reserved communication safety
petrified outraged indifferent disheartened sensitive closeness shelter meaning
scared resentful numb fatigue forlorn community touch awareness
suspicious removed beat gloomy yearning companionship water celebration of life
terrified aversion uninterested burnt oiut heavy hearted envious compassion challenge
wary animosity withdrawn depleted hopeless jealous consideration honesty clarity
worried appalled exhausted melancholoy longing consistency authenticity competence
contempt dis2uiet lethargic unhappy nostalgic empathy integrity consciousness
annoyed disgusted agitated listless wretched pining inclusion presence contribution
aggravated dislike alarmed sleepy wistful intimacy creativity
dismayed hate discombobulated tired tense love play discovery
disgruntled horrified disconcerted weary anxious mutuality joy efficacy
displeased hostile disturbed worn out cranky nurturing humor effectiveness
exasperated repulsed perturbed distressed respect/self-respect growth
frustrated rattled pain distraught peace hope
safety
impatient confused restless agony edgy security beauty learning
irritated ambivalent shocked anguished fidgety communication mourning
stability
irked baffled startled bereaved frazzled ease participation
support
bewildered surprised devastated irritable equality purpose
to know
dazed troubled grief jittery harmony self-expression
to be known
hesitant turbulent heartbroken nervous inspiration stimulation
to see
lost turmoil hurt overwhelmed order to matter
to be seen
mystified uncomfortable lonely restless to understand understanding
perplexed uneasy miserable stressed out trust
puzzled unnerved regretful warmth
torn unsettled remorseful
upset

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The Nonviolent Requests Guide
Feelings negative feelings when your needs are not satisfied

When you do
afraid angry confused dis2uiet embarrassed pain sad vulnerable
1 apprehensive enraged ambivalent agitated ashamed agony depressed fragile
dread furious baffled alarmed chagrined anguished dejected guarded
foreboding incensed bewildered discombobu- flustered bereaved despair helpless
frightened indignant dazed lated guilty devastated despondent insecure
mistrustful irate hesitant disconcerted mortified grief disappointed leery
OBSERVATION panicked livid lost disturbed self-conscious heartbroken discouraged reserved
petrified outraged mystified perturbed hurt disheartened sensitive
scared resentful perplexed rattled lonely forlorn
suspicious puzzled restless tense miserable gloomy yearning

I feel terrified aversion torn shocked anxious regretful heavy hearted envious
2 wary animosity startled cranky remorseful hopeless jealous
worried appalled disconnected surprised distressed melancholoy longing
contempt alienated troubled distraught fatigue unhappy nostalgic
annoyed disgusted aloof turbulent edgy beat wretched pining
aggravated dislike apathetic turmoil fidgety burnt oiut wistful
FEELING dismayed hate bored uncomfortable frazzled depleted
disgruntled horrified cold uneasy irritable exhausted
displeased hostile detached unnerved jittery lethargic
exasperated repulsed indifferent unsettled nervous listless

My need is frustrated numb upset overwhelmed sleepy

3 impatient removed restless tired
irritated uninterested stressed out weary
irked withdrawn worn out

NEED

Needs
connection love physical play autonomy meaning

4 Would you please acceptance

affection
mutuality
nurturing
well-being
air
joy
humor
choice
freedom
awareness
celebration of
mourning
participation
appreciation respect/self-re- food independence life purpose
belonging spect movement/ex- peace space challenge self-expression
? cooperation
communication
safety
security
ercise
rest/sleep
beauty
communication
spontaneity clarity
competence
stimulation
to matter
REQUEST safety ease
closeness stability consciousness understanding
community support shelter equality contribution
companionship to know and be touch harmony creativity
compassion known water inspiration discovery
consideration to see and be order efficacy
consistency seen honesty effectiveness
empathy to understand authenticity growth
inclusion trust integrity hope
intimacy warmth presence learning

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designed by: Stefano Mastrogiacomo. Inspired by Steven Pinker, Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson. teamalignment.co