“The image of an ideal self should drive and empower you to grow.

Not to feel bad about

your actual, current self.” As the quote says, our ideal self will unleash our desire to become
better or to reach our fullest potential. It is not for the purpose of desolating us because we
cannot reach it. But there are instances that I have to quickly catch up to my ideal self even if I
am far behind. These are the times of inferiorities and introversion. About the quote, it made me
ponder and question what my ideal self would be. What personalities do I want to live up in order
to have a better life? Now that I am given the chance, some desirable personalities that I would
want is being attractive, fit, achiever, charismatic, intelligent, bold, confident, talented, thrill-
seeker and the list goes on. These traits are quite ambitious to yearn. It is not likely that I will
fulfill one of them given that I am the complete opposite of my ideal self. So, what made me
sacrifice my true self to my ideal self?

The one where I had to perform in a crowd. In my early years, specifically in fifth grade,
I always dreamt of becoming a dancer. I was always mesmerized every time I see the dancers in
our school dance and it was pure bliss to me. One time, my friends decided to join and they
invited me. However, as much as I want to, I am not that confident. I have never been so
confident about myself because I perceive myself as someone who is unattractive and fat. “Who
and why would someone want to see a fat kid dance? They’re just going to make a comedy out
of me anyway” I said. But luckily, my friends cheered me on. During auditions, I didn’t do my best
because I saw people looking at me. My whole confidence booted down in a jiff. Hence, I wasn’t
accepted. As I stepped outside the audition room, I got called by the teacher and said that she
will give me another chance by dancing together with the sixth graders. I was astonished and
shivered at the same time. During our practice, I knew that I have to come out of my shell because
I will be terminated in the dance troupe if I will not. With a little amount of time to introspect
whether to pursue this dream or not, I took a leap of faith. I danced as if nobody’s watching me
and I danced my heart out. I needed some work in my skill, but the teacher was really proud of
me for being so brave and confident. From the shy boy who’s conscious about his movements
to a brave and confident soul that I envisioned myself. I am proud of my self because I get to
carry my confidence up until now.
 The one where I felt inferior to my siblings. I have a high-achieving family, be it in
academics, sports or work. Back then, I have always felt that I am the least intelligent and
unlikely to get an achievement of any sort in the family because I never really liked the concept
of studying or participating in school activities, due to its ability to bore me. Every time my siblings
bring honor into our home, the feeling of jealousy and embarrassment was always crushing me.
My sister would join competitions outside the city and still manage to garner outstanding grades
while I’m staying at school having scores of 30/50 or even below. What makes my inferiority
worse is that my parents are trying really hard to get me to have better grades like hiring a tutor,
buying books and negotiate with teachers, but still I ended up being a failure. When I found out
that my sister was running for valedictorian, I knew that I have to step up, become resilient in
spite of failures and so I did. I casted away all the things that made me hate studying and I started
to focus on the bigger picture. It took me a huge amount of time to appreciate the habit of
studying but it was all worth the time and hardships. I completed my junior high school with an
academic distinction and I became the overall top 2 of our curriculum. I graduated senior high
school with flying colors. I always intended myself to become an achiever, and in spite of my
dorkiness I have fulfilled it.

These instances were the eye-openers that broadened my understandings of the world,
especially in understanding myself. There are times that we tend to have incongruency between
ourselves and how we picture ourselves in our own ideal world. It may be because of our
insecurities, anxieties and inferiorities, but nevertheless, we have a sense of actualizing tendency
according to Carl Rogers. It is our ability to move forward to reach our fullest potential. We will
never stop pursuing all the possibilities; our ability will only end if we perish.

How my actualizing tendency work is by accepting and believing in my true self; believing
in a way that I can be my ideal self even in a spec of a progress, and accepting in way that I have
accepted that pain and failure is part of the molding process. Through this, reconciling my true
and ideal self will be a walk in the park. Now, I have become congruent, I feel enlightened
everyday knowing that I truly know myself. We might feel sorrowed right now because of the
things that makes us incongruent, but let us not stop there. Move! Trust the process. You will be
you that you envisioned yourself.