Table of Contents

Also by the Author 2

Title Page 3
Copyright 4
Dedication 5
Contents 6
The Mandate of the Awakened Family 11
Part One: A New Awakening 13
CHAPTER ONE: Learning a New Way 14
The Roar of the Ego 19
How Fear Drives Our Anxiety, Anger, and Other
22
Reactions to Our Children
The Part Played by Your Past 24
Is It Your Child, or Is It You? 26
How Our Children Are Our Awakeners 28
A Shift of Focus 31
CHAPTER TWO: How the Culture Sets Up Parents to Fail 33
When Caring Feels Like Control 34
The Clash of Time Zones 36
What Children Really Need 38
CHAPTER THREE: The Invisible Triggers of Our Reactivity 41
The Roots of Our Triggers 44
The Parental Kool-Aid 46
Part Two: Our Parenting Myths 50
CHAPTER FOUR 51
The Problem with Child-Centric Parenting 51
The Tyranny of “Too” 55
Is Parenting Really an Unselfish Act? 57
Dare to Raise Yourself First 58
CHAPTER FIVE 64

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 Agenda-Driven Fun 65
The Curve Shows Up Everywhere 68
The Double-Edged Sword of “Reaching for One’s
69
Potential”
The “Unpotentialized” Child 71
Putting Things in Perspective 74
CHAPTER SIX 77
Is It Defiance or Defensiveness? 80
Double Standards 82
CHAPTER SEVEN 85
Moving from the Fantasy of Parenting to Reality 86
CHAPTER EIGHT 90
Love Is Only a Beginning 91
When Love Doesn’t Feel Like Love to a Child 92
Rethinking Our Ideas About Love 95
CHAPTER NINE 99
Engaging Life “As Is”—Being Versus Doing 102
Learning About Happiness from Children 105
CHAPTER TEN 107
Understanding the Limits of Our Control 108
Reframing the Concept of Control in Order to Raise Real
110
Humans
Part Three: Understanding Our Reactivity 114
CHAPTER ELEVEN: Raising the Real Child 115
How I Began to Awaken 116
Recognizing the Call of the Lost Self 120
Befriending Our Lost Self 121
Discovering Your Family’s Emotional Blueprint 123
CHAPTER TWELVE: What’s Really Behind Our Reactions 128
Typical Pathways for the Expression of Fear 129
The Core of Our Fear 131
Entering Trust, Abundance, and Empowerment 152
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Transforming Fear into

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 Consciousness 153
Emerging from the Shadows of the Past 157
Letting Go of Fantasy Parents 160
Separating Love from Fear 163
A New Path Lights Up Ahead of Us 168
Part Four: Transformative Parenting Skills 170
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: From Expectations to Engagement 171
The Problem with Well-Intentioned Expectations 174
What’s the Unmet Expectation? 176
Out of the Head and into the Heart 178
The Dance of Nonduality 181
The Freedom of Engaging 183
Transforming Expectation into Engaging 187
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: From Mindless Reaction to Mindful
190
Presence
Entering the Present Moment 191
The Power of Impermanence 194
The Abundance of the “As Is” 196
Your Reaction Is Your Child’s Trigger 201
Transforming Reaction to Authentic Expression 205
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: From Chaos to Stillness 210
The Power of Silence 211
When Talking Creates Trouble—and the Value of Deep
214
Listening
Discovering the Power of Your Presence 218
Making Time for Time 220
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: From Role to No-Role 224
Tapping Into the Guidance of the Universe 226
Entering the No-Role Zone: Insights from Nature 227
The Power of the Antidote 232
The Power of the Container 233
Creating Rooms of Light 235
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: From Emotions to Feelings 240

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 Creating a Direct Path to Feeling 248
CHAPTER NINETEEN: From Enmeshment to Autonomy 254
The Pitfall of Emotional Fusion 257
Developing Emotional Autonomy 258
Don’t Fear Dissent 261
Embracing Pain 262
CHAPTER TWENTY: From Judgment to Empathy 264
What Empathy Really Means 267
How to Empathically Address the Realities of Life 272
Empathy Does Not Mean Collusion 274
Decluttering Your Inner Landscape 276
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: From Discipline to
280
Enlightened Boundaries
You Cannot Set a Boundary You Don’t Have 281
What’s the Higher Purpose of Your Boundary? 283
Where Do Consequences and Punishment Fit In? 287
The Power of Clear Limits and Boundaries 288
The Mechanics of Holding a Limit 290
How Do Natural and Logical Consequences Really
293
Work?
What’s Your Embodiment Quotient? 297
Entering the Zone of Zero Hypocrisy 300
Redefining Discipline 303
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: From the Battlefield to the
305
Negotiation Table
Listening for the Untold Desire 305
Moving Away from Blind Indulgence 308
From Winning to Win-Win 310
Ending Sibling Wars 315
Subduing Divorce Drama 317
Red Flag Alert: Getting on a New Highway 319
The Courage to Be a Warrior of Peace 321
EPILOGUE: Shedding Skin, Shedding Light 323

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APPENDIX: Thirty Daily Reminders to Build 324
Consciousness
Acknowledgments 332
About the Author 333

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