Volume 1 , issue 4 2/4/11

Classless
chaps
S U P E R B O W L I S S U E

S u p e r b o w l t o b r i n g m u c h
r e v e n u e t o c i t y
Wauwatosa, WI- Atten-
tion Tosa Jayers, with
the Super Bowl quickly
approaching the city of
Dallas has and will con-
tinue to experience an
incredible increase in
population. This really
means that there will be
a disastrous stripper
shortage. Estimates tell
us that more than 500
new “dancers” are
needed to fill the void.
Any jayer that thinks
they are up to the task
need only apply to the
club in Dallas of their
choice. Now technically
you must be 18 to get a
job in a strip club but
thanks to the 5-4 deci-
sion of the Tosa common
council, the city will be
providing fakes in an
effort to generate higher
city revenue. The new
policy goes into effect on
Tuesday. The Wauwa-
tosa School District has
even showed their sup-
port by creating many of
the I.D. pick-up locations
in both East and West
High School. In a re-
view of the data the West
skanks outnumber the
East hoes by a margin of
nearly 3 to 1. This isn’t
an issue because the East
jayers wont look nearly
as coked up and trashy as
the West strippers and
because of out higher
n e e d e d
standards we’ll probably
generate more revenue
on the East side. In the
exotic dancing business
it’s quality not quantity.
Are data also ranks the
freshman and junior
classes as the thirstiest so
we’ll be relying on a big
turnout from them. The
cost of an I.D. is 35 dol-
lars. This is a small
price to pay to start a po-
tential career. Let’s get
down there and show
Dallas what Wauwatosa
is all about. Drop it like
its hot and GO PACK!

S t o n e r s b u m m e d a f t e r f i n d i n g o u t
s u p e r b o w l i s a g a m e n o t f r e e
w e e d

Dalas TX—The hundreds of stoners part of “Super bowl” Sunday were this is a big misunderstanding and
that flocked to Dallas this week for told that the super bowl is a sport- that plans to host the American
smoking of a super bowl were ing event and not an exceptional cookware association’s super BOWL
greeted with a rude awaken- pipe full of marijuana to be convention is still slated to occur
ing. Mass amounts of “bummer smoked. The misunderstanding February 9. It is still unclear to this
dude” and “Mannnnn” echoed comes days after 15,000 homeless day if anyone in America is planning
through cowboy stadium today as men showed up in Dallas looking for on watching a football game this
750 stoners hoping to get high as a a soup-er bowl. Authorities say that Sunday.
P a g e 2 Other headlines C l a s s l e s s c h ap s

S o m e t i m e
With the Most Valuable
Defensive Player Award
going to the “Nappy Ha-
waiian” Troy Polamalu, the
Green and Gold’s defense
was left speechless. The
front runner Clay Mat-
thews basically got
shafted. On top of Sir
Clayton’s superior skill and
ability, his “Bro Flow”
locks are by far the
suavest in the league. My
guy Clay needs his props
t e s t e d
but the national media is
hatein’ on him. It is at
times like these when the
hated need some words of
inspiration. This inspira-
tion comes from none
other than actor/singer/
producer/dancer/exploited
child star WILLO SMITH.
Her song “Whip my Hair”
seems to have been writ-
ten for this exact situa-
tion. The poetic verse that
goes “hop up out the bed
a d v i c e f o r # 5 2
and turn my swagger on,
don’t let them haters get
me down” is exactly the
advice that Matthews
needs. He just needs to
whip his hair when the
media is tryin’ to put him
down. The media can’t
tell you nothin’ your just
tryin’ to have fun, so keep
the party jumpin’ for us in
Dallas Clay. Just WHIP it
Clayton.

O r i g i n s o f
All of Packer Nation is aware
of the tragic injury that
ocured to the great Jay Cutler
but many people aren't
aware that the 3rd string
quarterback with the Ron
Jeremy moustache originates
from the great city of Dal-
las,Texas. Many are also un-
aware that before Caleb Ha-
nie's almost heroic comeback
he spent many years in the
a 3 r d s t r i n g
adult film business under the
name of Teddy the Tickler.
Since the bears are no longer
in the playoffs perhaps Hanie
could go back to Dallas and
help them out with their
shortage of strippers. Hanie's
professional football career is
not panning out the way he
would have liked. Maybe its
time for big Teddy to go back
to what he knows best, giv-
l e g e n d
ing moustache rides for
$5.99. I mean let's face it, all
Hanie will ever be remem-
bered for is throwing the
game winning interception to
B.J. Raji, and on behalf of the
entire population of Packer
Nation, I can honestly say
that everyone loves a BJ.
Thank you B.J. for restoring
the faith in everyone who
doubted the power of a BJ.

S u p e r
With the Super Bowl quickly
approaching, it is time to pre-
pare for everyone’s favorite part
of a football match, streak-
ers. Since the Super Bowl is the
primo football event of the year, policy of shooting such peo-
it is also the prime time for
streaking, as shown by Janet
Jackson. First it should be men-
tioned that it is best not to
streak if you are obese or near
b o w l s t r e a k i n g
obese. Why is this? It’s not
pleasant for ANYONE, there-
fore, please keep your flab
and mold all to yourself. Also
the guards seem to have a
ple, as no one likes grappling
with a whale, so let’s not ruin
the Superbowl with blood-
shed. So finally let’s get to
the tips: First, many people
t i p s
will tell you that you should
wear a bag over you head to
protect your identity. Hogwash,
you simply will not escape so in
the end it doesn’t matter. Sec-
ondly be as dry skinned as
possible, so when you are
tazed there is no amplification
of the electric shock. Finally,
run like hell and make sure you
have a good lawyer.