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MILES: We nowjoin Newsjack sport correspondent Susan, who is live

at the home of Andy Gray as he prepares to kick off his
apology that was previously postponed due to a terrible lack of
decency.Susan.

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SUSAN: (IMMITATING FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER) Thanks Miles. You

join me live at Andy Gray¶s garden , better known as µWomen-
Can¶t Park¶, that is filled to its capacity with many people eager
to see today¶s performance.

MILES: Susan, what are Andy¶s chances of victory, today?

SUSAN: We all know Andy has come under pressure after previous
performances, but today he¶s hoping to set the record straight.
He¶s struggling to come off the bench now and as he wobbles
towards us, we¶re about to begin.

ANDY GRAY: Over the last week or so I have become a target for some of
the rhetoric I have used and today I would like to apologise. I
understand that some of the terminology I used was out -dated.
Football has evolved over time and I have struggled to keep up
(BEAT) much like West Ham this season. I have offended
people that make the game possible and I am deeply sorry. I
recently said; ³Can you believe that? A female linesman!´ That
was wrong. What I should have said was; ³Can you believe
that? A female assistant referee!´ But in the midst of seeing a
woman on the pitch (BEAT) that wasn¶t streaking, my mind



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became flustered and I accidently said linesman, which has

now been defunct for over fifteen years. I am sorry. I never
meant to ruffle the feathers of any linesmen (BEAT) I mean;
assistant referees.

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SUSAN: What about the claims that you are sexist?

ANDY GRAY: Can you believe that? A female sports reporter!

SUSAN: A female sports correspondent. Will you apologise to Sian

Massey?

ANDY GRAY: Only if you get your tits out. Phwoar!

MILES: Susan, what is happening now?

SUSAN: Well Miles, in a surprising turn of events, Andy Gray has not
apologised for his sexist language and has now retreat ing for
an early and hopefully cold shower, while singing; ³Get your tits
out for the lads´.

MILES: Can you sum up the action in a play by play?



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SUSAN: (IMMITATING FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER) He had the home-

side advantage, yet as he made his way to achieving an
apology he scored an own goal ,which lead to a red card and an
early dismissal. Playing the game like that, it¶s only time before
he¶s relegated to the lowest levels of local radio.

MILES: Thanks Susan. (PAUSE) Andy Gray there, proving that his
levels of ignorance reach further to the back on the net than we
ever expected.

END