Writings Collection

Marked and Commented

Graded/Non-graded

Ching . 25 January 2018 DSE English Paper 2

Table of Contents

Part A Questions............................................................................................................................................................3
Speech 1 – 55th Anniversary Celebration of School................................................................................................3
Speech 2 – First Day of School.....................................................................................................................................6
Photo Caption – Photo Competition (Theme: Friendship)...........................................................................................9
Photo Caption – My Memories.................................................................................................................................13
Diary – A Special Day.................................................................................................................................................15
Email – Accident of Fans Videotaping Concert..........................................................................................................17
Letter of Proposal 1 – Approval for Community Service Project A............................................................................19
Letter of Proposal 2 – Approval for Community Service Project B............................................................................23
Letter to Editor – Public Transport Priority Seat........................................................................................................26

Part B Questions............................................................................................................................................................28
Article 1 – Adolescent Materialism............................................................................................................................28
Article 2 – Athletic Meet............................................................................................................................................30
Article 4 – Culturally Diverse Class............................................................................................................................32
Article 5 – Degree Depreciation................................................................................................................................34
Article 7 – Mental Health A.......................................................................................................................................37
Article 8 – Mental Health B.......................................................................................................................................41
Article 9 – Mental Health C.......................................................................................................................................46
Article 10 – Mental Health D.....................................................................................................................................51
Article 11 – Sending Children to Study Aboard A......................................................................................................54
Article 12 – Sending Children to Study Aboard B.......................................................................................................56
Article 13 – Sending Children to Study Abroad C.......................................................................................................59
Article 14 – Sending Children to Study Abroad D......................................................................................................62
Article 15 – The Third Runway...................................................................................................................................65
Article 16 – Virtual Sports..........................................................................................................................................68
Article 18 – Working Overtime B...............................................................................................................................70
Informal Email – Youtuber Livestream......................................................................................................................71
Semi-formal Email – Acting Career............................................................................................................................75
Informal Letter – Recommendation of Sport.............................................................................................................78
Formal Letter – A Correctional Service Campaign.....................................................................................................80
Letter to Editor 1 – Opening of School Sports Facilities to Public..............................................................................84
Letter to Editor 3 – Parental Monitoring App B.........................................................................................................86
Letter of Recommendation – Safety of Private School Bus.......................................................................................90
Proposal – Photo-Sharing Space on School Intranet.................................................................................................93
Report – Hong Kong Cinemas....................................................................................................................................95

2|Page
 Speech – Careers Team Guest Speech.....................................................................................................................100
Story – Power Shortage of Department Store.........................................................................................................102

Personal Statements...................................................................................................................................................107
BU Film Studies Personal Statement.......................................................................................................................107
CityU Social Work Personal Statement....................................................................................................................109

3|Page
Part A Questions
Speech 1 – 55th Anniversary Celebration of School

Your school will hold several events next year to celebrate its 55 th anniversary. The Principal wants to hear your
suggestions for the kinds of events to be held. Please complete the suggestion form provided, make sure you
include:

1. details of ONE event you think the school should have;

2. the benefits of holding this event;
3. details of how this event should be organized.
You are Chris Wong, a student at the school. You have thought of an event that you feel would be suitable for the
anniversary. Complete the suggestion form. Write about 200 words.

Name: Chris Wong

Subject: 55th Anniversary Celebration

Suggestion

In the hope of celebrating our school 55th anniversary, I would like to suggest having holding an event called “Looking
bBack, fFinding oOur mMemorable hHistory”. It is well said that delightful memoryies is are always irreplaceable the
most valuable thing in the world. Without a doubt Throughout half of a century, our school must have has had many
treasurable memories in this 55 years journey. In the event, we could show the participants some photos related to
the school activities held in the past 55 years will be shown to participants., who Participants are required to guess
the activities names within 2 minutes while, with or without tips could be given to them. If they can guess correctly
have the correct answer in under 1 minute, we will also give them they will be given a sticker which shows of our
school buildings. fFor instance, when we offer show a photo which shows of the music performance in 2009 fun fair,
participants need to ought to answer “fun fair”. As For general public participants there are some public who have
not studied in our school, description of the fun fair activities will be offered as tips. In the example of fun fair, The a
possible description could be “An event that have an entertaining booths and performance”.

4|Page
Benefits

Holding this event hasve a wide variety of beneficiary beneficial impacts on school, students and primary students.
Regarding the school, there will be many primary six and five students who are willing to enter interested to apply
for our school come to join our event. By showing our wonderful participating the aforementioned activities, they
could have more understanding about our school, especially on the grounds of extra-curricular activities. If they have
a deep interest in our school, they will certainly apply for it. This will enhance our school’s exposure to more
applicants, including primary six students and parents, and promotes our reputation. Consequently, our school has
the ability to will be able to choose better students for studying in our school. Apart from school and primary
students, students reap benefits from it too. Students would learn how to work as a team after arranging this event.
When they are confronting difficulties, they need to know how to use team spirit to tackle it. They will give a hand to
each other, so as to build a good relationship between our schoolmates.

Planning

For the sake of having a perfect event, adequate preparation and careful organization is are needed. I would like to
talk about the preparation. To show our sense of belonging to the school, Each class is responsible for can
prepareing 5 photos of different activities as well as providing the hints. Tips should also be created by them. To
ensure photos quality and description accuracy the quality and accuracy of the photos and the description, teachers
can countercheck afterwards have a checking. In addition, we should also form a team who hold the event a
specialised team in charge for event preparation and organization shall also be formed . They should go to buy
sweets, stationary and stamps. Designing the stamp is needed too., whose responsibilities include gathering
resources including sweets, stationaries and stamps, and the designing of stamps. We can use the photos of school
buildings as stamps. Preliminarily speaking, the raw models of stamps are based on photos of school buildings.

5|Page
Overall Comments

Hello there :) You have achieved some basic requirements well such as writing mostly fluent sentences with correct
structure, being able to give raw ideas and elaborate them briefly, equip your ideas with certain thematic
vocabularies etc.

Nevertheless, I think there is something that you can improve in your writing too. For one, content and quality of
idea. It is quite an important area than the others when it comes to writing. A good idea should have a clear
structure and should be well-elaborated. First give it a topic sentence that generally introduces or sums up what this
is going to be about. Then fills up with content with both depth and amount.

At least from this piece, I can see that your content can be richer and the ideas can be developed more and be more
sophisticated. For example, when you introduce the event, you can talk more about what exactly this event includes,
add in different activities (since the Q only mentions 1 event, it is okay to have different activities) to make it more
diverse, rather than just a photo recognition contest. Is there also be a talk? Or is there a talent show? Or some
special ideas such as a Movie night that shows video clips from different years since 19XX. I see you have developed
your idea on how does this contest works but maybe try to include more aspects to make the content richer.

For choice of words, using more adjectives or some relevant vocabs can upgrade the content too. You can try to use
several thematic vocabs in each idea to describe more accurately and level up the quality. I can see that some words
or phrases do not suit the tone or represent the accurate meaning, they can repel to other parts of your writing and
affect the fluency in language. It is a minor matter but reading more sample article or answer can of course certainly
help.

Also some use of sentence structure and language can be more accurate too. Minor language issues can be found.

Finally, as you know, the grading is really up to the personal standards of marker and what form you are in. Writing is
really a subjective paper and I think this writing is okay but there are still some issues that can be improved. Read
more what other people would write about in similar situations and you will be okay ga la. Add oil ah :)

6|Page
Speech 2 – First Day of School

You are the President of the Students’ Union at your school. You are preparing a speech to welcome new students
on the first day of school. In order to help new students achieve success and have an enjoyable school life, you want
to talk about the following in your speech:

 importance of following school rules; and

 importance of interpersonal relationships.

Good morning Principal, teachers and fellow students,

On behalf of the Students’ Union, I’d like to welcome all of you to our school. I’m sure we all want to achieve success
and have an enjoyable school life, so this morning I’d like to give you some advice.

Since you are our new schoolmates and maybe curious about our school, it is advised that you should read the
school rules carefully and follow them throughout the school years.

To commence with, let’s talk about the importance of following school rules. Firstly, it can ensure your safety and
have good conduct at school. If you don’t follow the school rules and do whatever you want, that how can a school
manage its students well? Secondly, following school rules is a basic step for all of you to become a part of this ‘big
family’. Imagine all the schoolmates following the same school rules, it can ensure you can have a comfortable and
enjoyable environment doing studying at our school.

7|Page
Apart from obeying our school rules, having good interpersonal relationships is essential for all of you too. Let’s
listen to my advice and know more about building up to a relationship with others more. First, due to the fact that
you are now facing a new environment and your friends may not be at the same secondary school as you do, making
some new friends is what you need to do now. If you don’t have courage to talk to your classmates and make some
friends, then how can you talk with the other strangers in your future or career? Second, having good interpersonal
relationships enhances your courage and communication skills. Therefore, try all your best and spare no pains on
using different opportunities to communicate with people is important.

Last but not least, always believe that you can do and overcome it even you are facing difficulties. Only by trusting
yourselves can achieve success and have an enjoyable school life. Thank you!

Comments

Hello there :) Below, I will talk about both something great you have done and more on something I think you can
improve because I have also included some explanation.

In general, it is grammatically correct and fluent writing. There is no major grammar mistake or serious incoherence
problem and basic sentence structures and some thematic vocabularies are used.

Also, I can see you have a certain sense of how to construct a speech with basic elements, such as using some
phrases to show support or predict future prospect at the end, or making direct conversation with audiences. This
sense is great but there is also some sentences and words you need to polish or modify.

Loose Connection in Content & Inappropriacy of Content

In terms of content, I can see that you have attempted to make a connection between the key points and make
elaboration whenever possible. You have included some useful parts of information that should be mentioned in
your speech, but be careful with relevancy. Most points in this writing have high suspicion of being irrelevant or
losing focus, for example, when you talk about why it is important to follow school rules or maintain good
interpersonal relationship, your rationale can easily seem to be a side factor and irrelevant and their connection with
the main point can be loose. There are other similar situations in this writing and you may see the commented
places above.

When it comes to writing, content is a quite important and main factor to affect your final score. Most of the points
in this speech needs repackaging and further development to establish a firm link between your main point and sub-
point. Actually, the 2nd sub-point of why personal communication is important is described quite well, but there are
parts that the focus drifts to less important content. It would be better if you ensure there is a close cohesion to
main point in every sentence of your words. You can see the example in the comment above for it.

Another suggestion is use topic sentences to illustrate points in a clear order which help establish a relationship with
the main argument.

8|Page
Vocab Abundancy

I think a great way to improve the above issue is to read more what others usually write and especially some sample
answers. There is an obvious issue of insufficient vocabularies and words phrases and sentence structures, linking
words etc. For more input into the bank of language, you need to more information in this area and try to use them
correctly to see if your “way of telling” improves. Perhaps you can try putting 1 or 2 relevant vocabularies in each
sentence (at least topic sentences) to upgrade the writing and make the meanings sound more accurate.

Inaccurate Tone

Another issue is the accuracy of tone, there are some phrases that can have a more appropriate tone considering the
identity and occasion and also audiences. For one, this is a semi-formal writing, so avoid any informal and completely
formal phrases, respectively “whatever” and “to commence with” can be avoided, also since this is a speech, direct
conversation is usually not applicable unless it is a friendly tone adopted, but this is the first day of school. But the
use of short forms is correct.

Also, since this is the first day of school for new students, the ending should be encouraging and show hope for
future, and also echo the question. The part of “always believe that you can do and overcome it even you are facing
difficulties” can be unsuitable this sentence overly exaggerates the difficulties while following rules or maintaining
interpersonal relationships. Meanings can be twisted.

Tone is usually a relatively minor area but any phrases that have meaning or tone too far from appropriacy can
influence the overall impression. But in all fairness, the tone of speech is especially more difficult to harness.

Overall, I think content appropriacy, thematic vocabularies, tone should be the main items you can work more on
and reading more related materials can certainly help. Personally, I think this is a fairly acceptable piece of writing
satisfying basic requirements but there is still room for improvement in various areas. So hope you can be better and
successfully achieve your goal in near future. Add oil!

9|Page
Photo Caption 1 – Theme: Friendship

Topic: you are taking part in a photo exhibition called ‘Friendship’. To match the  theme, you have submitted two
photos. 

Now you have to give a brief explanation of why these photos are meaningful to you. A title must be given to each of
them. 

Adamantine friendship

You know how the old cliché goes, There is a saying, “Time flies, things change. Though Yet the friendship of yours is
will always remain adamantine.” This photo is a capture of a vibrant memory that I essentially have been sharing
with my friends for 3 years, ever since we graduated from secondary school … reminds me of my secondary school
life I have had with my best friends in my life…… 

This photo was captured when my best friends and I were having a pleasant chat in our leadership training camp
experience pleasantly in a warm afternoon. When It was the school’s leadership training camp, I was assigned to a
group of unfamiliar people and I was initially too timid to express my opinions during the first day of the camp.
Luckily, my groupmates were on-going easy going and talkative which made me feel like as if I was staying with my
family when I was chatting with them. We cooperated with each other very well and together we strived through
10 | P a g e
countless impediments and our friendship and collaboration arouse. After experiencing a lot of happiness and
sadness together, we became a group of good friends. 

I believe our friendship can be eternal and I hope we can still do funny and silly  stuffs together. Taking a look Looking
on at the photo again today, I still regard this photo, as well as my friends as the most meaningful asset to me as the
same I did when I was at secondary school. 

   

All about us, all about friendship

11 | P a g e
Apart from learning, friendship is another utmost important element in my secondary school life. I would never
forget this photo as It iwas an unforgettable and overriding one. moment and I would never forget the moment of
when it was taken.

 I remember the day in the photo was a bright one it was a bright and sunny day when the secondary school offer
result was released. It turns out that Jacky got a satisfactory offer. However, it was lamentable that I had not got a
good offer due to my exam failure. I was astonishingly unexpectedly worried and I decided to go to a secondary
school directly to ask in hope of requesting for a better offer. Seeing me worrying and nerve-racking, Jacky checked
the address of the school and he patted on my shoulder lightly and said: “I will always be your side!”, then he rushed
to the taxi stop to hire a taxi for me. Although these all seems just small moves, it is a prodigious encouragement for
me and have a profound effect on me. 

Isn’t it what friendship is all about?

12 | P a g e
Photo Caption 2 – Theme: My Memories

2013 Dse paper2 Part A

You are taking a part in a photo competition called “My Memories”. As part of a photo competition, you have
presented two photos. Now you need to give a title to each and a brief explanation of why these photos are
meaningful to you.

The Dream Comes True

It was the School Open Day and A girl who is in school uniform is it was also the first time I wrote my dream job
writing on the blackboard on School Open Day. I remembered that I was really confident because I finally had a
chance to share it with others. She is filled with confidence and is writing down her future job.

When I was In Primary Six, my class teacher asked me who would want to write down my his or her dream job on
the blackboard. Except that everyone was terrified like a mouse and no one wanted to try. Yet I decided to raised my
hand because I knew my dream job was to becoming an outstanding entrepreneur have is the only dream that I have
ever known. So, I shared with my classmates why I wanted to become one the reason and how to become one.

Thanks to countless After my attempt and efforts hard work, I eventually succeeded in actualizing my ever-lasting
dream has come true. However, most of my classmates have taken an occupation unwillingly. A journey of a
thousand miles starts with a single step. It is imperative for that single first step to be taken to kick-start all of us.
That first step has shaped the person. I am new.

Teamwork Goes To Success

From the photo, This photo shows a group of members the eight of us piling up hands and cheering together
everybody up. Their faces are with a big grin and blast. All of us were grinning and I have to say, it was really a blast.

13 | P a g e
 Last year, our English teacher asked me us to do present a group project about movies and I needed to present. To
be frank, I am not a was not the most sociable person then and I don’t did exactly not like to listen to the group
leader’s orders taking orders from others. and Eventually I resolved to do carry out the project all by myself finally.

However Needless to say, my project turned out to be full of mistakes due to the lack of help from teammates.
The teacher was quite disappointed and asked me to redo it. To my surprise, a team invited me to join them and do
the project together. During the process, I really learned how to work with each other. This was the moment I knew
realize how important communication and teamwork is was.

Before our presentation we presented our project which was done together as a group, we put our hands in the
center and cheered up each other up. After the presentation At the end, the teacher praised us and said she
appreciated the good work of all of us for our great job. It was such an indescribably touching moment to me.

What I learned was, anybody needs help and the power of teamwork is much stronger powerful than one’s
strength, than one may think.

Accomplishments Improvements/Issues (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the required task  story of the 2nd caption can be more 5
 relevant and nicely arranged meaningful or explain more in why
content it is meaningful
Language  used thematic vocabs & phrases  can have a clearer tone e.g. the 4
 good to end with a succinct feeling of achieving something in 1 st
sentence caption can be stronger
(use more linkage or try a
conversational tone to make the
tone less stiff & freer, you can read
along the rephrased parts to feel
the tone)
 little inaccuracies but does not
affect clarity/Chinglish
Organization  mostly fluent  higher fluency/ 2nd caption is more 4
 organized arrangement of fluent, some disconnected
content in logical order sentences in 1st one due to frequent
full stops.
(use more cohesive ties &
transitions; read the written parts
several more times)
Overall 4-5

14 | P a g e
Diary – A Special Day

Part A

You celebrated a special day today. Write a diary entry about the day. Use the following three headings to write the
diary entry. Add one heading of your own.

Why today is special

How I prepared for the day

What I did during the day

Dear Diary,

Why today is special

Today is my special moment day------ my 18th birthday. Full of joyful, and expectation. and definitely a
memorable day different from the past my 18th birthday. I feel satisfied that today I will put a step into the adult
world after today. I cannot wait for to doing anything because, as you know, you only have 18th birthday only once in
a lifetime.

How I prepared for the day

As I have invited my friends go to my home in order to celebrate my birthday party at last week, I went to the
supermarket buy food ingredients on yesterday, like sausages, sandwiches and chuck roast steaks for the partyto
prepare party food. And Then, I ordered my birthday chocolate cake on bakery. After an hour, I went back to home,
tidied up my home and started to decorate my house with flowers, balloons and ribbons. Everything is done and
waiting to start on tomorrow.

What I did during the day

At ten o’clock, my room bell was rang rung. My friend Chris and Ms. Yung arrived at my house. We chatted with
each other about some interesting school life stories and they always give gave their best blessings to me while we
were eating party food. After the causal chatting, I switched on my CD players and displayed played some dancing
music and we danced crazily together. Time flies, they give me beautiful presents then they left. I unpacked the
presents, it was a water bottle and teddy bear. I love them very much.

Why I choose to celebrate at home

Maybe it is weird to celebrate at home because my previous birthdays was were celebrated on in restaurant or
karaoke centre. However, I thought it was nice to celebrate this special day at home this year because it has different
meaning to me. When I was borned born, this house was my first home. It witnessed my childhood and my growing
up. I wanted it to witness me becoming an adult.
15 | P a g e
16 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
Content  accomplish the task  more interesting ideas/plot 4
 mostly relevant (suiting the theme of becoming an
 the fourth title gives a creative adult, you may write something related
touch to the theme other parts e.g. “what I
did during the day” turns out to be
entirely different and unexpected from
“how I prepared for the day”)
 talk more about what you feel
(it is a diary)
Language  correct SVO structures  Informal language features 3
 adequate range of vocabs and (short forms, interrogative negatives,
sentence structures question tags, vivacious adjectives,
fillers)
 a more informal conversational tone
(think as if you have something eager
to express)
 wider range of vocabularies
(use more colorful words to describe
emotions and your thoughts)
Organization  cohesive ties  Lack of transitions/not fluent enough 3
Overall 3

17 | P a g e
Email – Accident of Fans Videotaping Concert

Topic: you went to a live performance of a famous entertainer during the show, the entertainer found herself being
videotaped by a fan. Write an email to your friend, Jasper. Briefly describe the incident, then give your opinion on
the incident. (part A question)

Dear Jasper,

(1) Are you doing well recently? I bet life in university is as varied diversified as a kaleidoscope! Speaking of recent
life, have you looked at this picture that has been arouseding a lot of controversy online? I was actually there too for
during the live performance of Antonia too! Let me tell you about the incident and share my opinion with you!

(2) On that day, while Antonia was introducing herself to us, she found that she was being videotaped by a fan with
tripod and professional equipment. She was astonishingly provoked and she warned the fan to stop videotaping
angrily. Some audience there felt agitated as the fan's action lessened their enjoyment while some audience brushed
the problem aside.

(3) In my opinion, videotaping a live performance is utterly unacceptable. Of all the reasons why I think that his
action is unacceptable, none are as significant as the fact that his action was showing disrespect to the entertainer as
he videotaped the show without permission, no matter he videotaped for personal use or posting the video online,
as he videotaped without permission.

(4) What's more, his action caused the overrunning of the performance which wasted our time watching him being
punished. It seemed that almost felt like we had paid for this part as well! I don't think this is fair to us, the audience
that who had bought expensive tickets.

(5) Other than that, I think it is of utmost importance for the audience to follow the rules strictly that had been
posted outside the performing hall. It is patently obvious that videotaping infringed copyright as if he posts the video
online, the others can watch it free of charge, anytime and anywhere. This in turn made the live performance
meaningless.

(6) All in all, I think the fan's action is unbearable and he is inconsiderate. He also caused a lot of troubles to us!

(7) Tell me what’s your view on this think if you think ! I am looking forward to your next email!
18 | P a g e
                       All the best/Best wishes Yours,

                  Chris Wong

19 | P a g e
Newsletter – Lucky Village

2014 dse eng writting

Part A compulsory
Write about 200 words.

The Local History Newsletter is a newsletter about the history of Hong Kong. Every month, it prints short articles about special
places in Hong Kong. you have been asked to write an article about an old village called Lucky Village. Write your article using
the three headings provided. you can use the headings in any order.

~~~ life in Lucky village 40 years ago

~~~ an event that changed Lucky Village
~~~ What Lucky Village is famous for

Special Places of the Month – Lucky Village

Have you ever wished to make changes to your destiny, like praying to secret fairy or something? If yes, you will be definitely
interested in Lucky Village, an old village in Hong Kong. As a teenager who love studying specials places, I will introduce you what
is Lucky Village is, as well as the thing what it is famous for. Read this article to find out more about it!

Life in lucky village 40 years ago

40 years ago, technology were was not that advanced. Transportations, unlike nowadays, were not convenient. People only
knew there was an old and mysteriousy village in Hong Kong from stories told by their parents, yet they had never gone there
before. ‘The village is so beautiful. It ownes the best landscape in Hong Kong. People there is are the kindest people in the
world…’, stories like this kept coming out from parents’ mouths. Everyone only knew residents in Lucky village were nice and
friendly, and they could appreciate different plants it was an obscure place with tall ever-growing trees every day, but none of us
had really seen these with our own eyes.

An event that changed Lucky Village

A woman living in that village cried everyday covering her big stomach. ‘She is diagnosed having a lung disease by a doctor. This
lung disease is complicated and cannot be cured by today’s technology. She won’t last long and so is her baby inside her body’,
said by her father. Everyone was sad for her. One day, her friend suggested her to pray to the lake in the middle of the village.
She agreed and prayed precisely every day. A week passed, one month passed, and another year came. The woman became
happier every day. She even born bore her child successfully without any injuries. Everyone in the town were so happy and
thought this was the effect of praying. This storyies spread outside the village. Now everybody calls this village ‘Lucky Village’
and comes here through long journey just for praying.

What Lucky Village is famous for

Undoubtedly, it is famous for its ‘luck’. After the stories being spread throughout the whole country city, every single citizens
believes that Lucky Village is a good place for praying and that no matter how unique the wish is, it will come s true eventually.
The pool of the village becomes a famous attraction. Tourists around the world come and bow down their head to pray. Some of
them even throw little coins to the lake. Rumors say that the woman is still living happily and healthily with her child till today.

20 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
Content  accomplish the task  beware of potential plot hole 5
 relevant
 absolutely creative
 high awareness of audience
Language  accurate SVO and basic sentence patterns  inaccuracies 4
 mysterious tone for story & exciting tone  lack of vocab e.g. adj. and adv.
for introduction  wider range of sentence structures
Organization  cohesive ties and transitions 5
 smooth flow
 engaging opening & interesting ending
Overall 5

21 | P a g e
Letter of Proposal 1 – Approval for Community Service Project A
2017 Dse Eng Paper 2 Part A
You are the chairperson of the Social Service Club in your school. The school would like to develop closer links with
the community. Write a letter to your principal, Ms Lee, proposing a new community project that the school can
carry out with a home for the elderly in your district.

Dear Ms Lee,

On behalf of the Social Service Club in our school, we would like to develop closer links with the community. In this
generation of burgeoning city, certain moral values such as helping people and caring about our community are
being discarded and have become forgotten and abandoned. that our city degenerated into a society where socially
vulnerable groups are living in the “lonely world”. More and more old-aged citizens find it challenging to adapt to
younger generations and the diminishing of their social circles. Not rarely, many of the elderly experience loneliness
of varying degree. In fact, requiting society is the most a meaningful behavior for everyone in Hong Kong. The same
goes for schools It would valuable if the school nurturesing a sense of responsibility of helping the weak in our
students is our way to requite society. In order to foster the virtue of paying more attention in our society, we would
like to propose a new community project that our school can carry out with a home for elderly.

22 | P a g e
As a the chairperson, I have mapped out a detail and clear plan about the activity . No doubt, nowadays teenagers in
Hong Kong are working around the world that their working pressure is huge and inevitable; thus, they always send
their old parents to elderly homes where provide safety living and food to the olders. Although the older who were
sent to elderly homes are no need to worry about their life, it is not blessed that their sons or daughters seldom visit
them. We all comprehend that the teenagers are between a rock and a hard place even if they really want to visit
their parents more. Therefore, our school plays an important role in this unlucky situation. We would like to visit the
older instead of their sons or daughters. Activities of each day can be categorized into Part A and Part B. Part A
involves a talent show in which YSS student performed activities that the elders are interested in, for instance,
Chinese opera and er hu. The first part of this activity of “giving warm” is that we could prepare a bewitching and
interesting talent show for them to deal with their long-lasting boredom. For example, Chinese dramas would be
their favourite a preferable choice because that as it brings them in back their childhood memories. The second part
is that we could prepare some plentiful shall be distributing lunch boxes to share with them. Since The elders in the
elderly home usually have lunch alone that and no one chats with them, their only thing company with them during
lunch is TV shows. Through the prepared lunch boxes, we could have precious gathering time with them In the
meantime, we will host a brief sharing session in which volunteers and elderly can chat freely and let them know
they deserve society’s care and warming.

23 | P a g e
This meaningful activity also offers many benefits for the elderly home apart from creating closer links with the
community. I believe that most of elderly homes in Hong Kong have no idea about how to overcome the boredom of
elderly. Against this situation, our activity obviously launches an important sample for the elderly home to refer to.
Moreover, via this activity, it causes promoting effect on society that more and more schools will be willing to launch
same activity so that it dwindles the elderly home’s promoting job.

“Vain teenagers are permeating and destructing the city “I believe Ms Lee can hear this statement everywhere . In
order to help our fellow schoolmates step back from the brink. I hope you could accept my heartfelt project from my
bottle of my heart. It would be greatly appreciated if project “Giving Warm” is approved and launched. YSS students
will have the opportunity to join more social services.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong

Chairperson of the Social Service Club

24 | P a g e
 Accomplishments
Content  a little relevant
 certain consideration on
the text type and writing
purpose, and audience
Language  attempt to use many
complex sentence
structures and advanced
vocabularies
Organization  cohesive ties used
appropriately e.g. “I
believe”, “As the
chairperson”
 basic structure
 presence of opening and
closing
Overall  seems able to have higher
grade if content is more
relevant and less language
errors
Improvements needed (suggestions) Grade
 higher relevancy 3
(needs information that should
be included in a proposal, and
details)
 more development/
elaboration of each paragraph
(the benefits are not really
concrete enough)
 word usage is incorrect 3
(a great way is checking the
meaning and sample
sentences in google translate
to see if it is okay to use it this
way)
 grammar errors, e.g. “that”
(revise grammar book and
read more)
 tone is too expressive and too
far from a proposal
(use formal tone and words, be
more careful)
 clarity issue e.g. “promoting 3
effect”, “dwindles someone’s
job “
(expressions are sometimes
hard to understand, reading
more will help a lot, imagine
how you can write and
compare it with how others
write)
 exaggerating the situation
which affects the logicality and
naturality
(need not to emphasize vanity
of teenagers; use a more
common reason of why this
event is organized at the
beginning; tone more wishful
and respectful in the end)
 illustrated above 3
 revise characteristics of text
types
(usually at appendix of
textbook)
25 | P a g e
Letter of Proposal 2 – Approval for Community Service Project B

Question: 2017 DSE ENGLISH PAPER TWO Q1

You are the chairperson of the Social Service Club in your school. The school would like to develop closer links with
the community. Write a letter to your principal, Ms Lee, proposing a new community project that the school can carry
out with a home for the elderly in your district.

i) Describe the activity that could be carried out

ii)Identify the benefits for the elderly home

Dear Ms. Lee,

On behalf of the Social Service Club, I am writing to seek your approval for conducting a new community project in
collaboration with Sunshine Elderly home which is in proximity of our school. It is proposed that our schoolmates run
a Magical Day once a month at the elderly home, aiming to provide students with an opportunity to showcase their
talents and to bring excitement to the community. Let me describe the activity in greater depth and explain how it can
benefit the elderly home and our students/school.

To begin with, we intend to perform magic shows on the Magical Day, so as to add spices to the seniors’ life, which
is often considered monotonous and wearisome. Thus, a series of brilliant and fantastic magic shows will definitely
brighten their day. One of the shows is titled Origami rRose. After lightering the rose stem made of a special paper,
the paper burns and disappears in a flash. A real rose in full bloom would be revealed and given to the elderly as a gift.
Awed and dazzled by the performance, as well as receiving a wide variety of roses (including violet, pink, burgundy
and so on), the elderly certainly will be lightened up and smile gleefully. Besides, students can encourage the elderly
to try some simple magic tricks and origami, allowing them to engage in the activity and be exhilarated.

Afterwards, students will have a leisure chit-chat with the elderly. It is nowadays common that citizens many sons
and daughter seldom spend time making a call or having a meal with their parents, since they put making money as
the first priority and work their fingers to the bone to make both ends meet. Most elderly lack care and feel like they
are being left out. Therefore, this chatting session is believed to stimulate students’ caring hearts and let them gain
new insights into the problems faced by the elderly.

Finally, we have decided to embroider some quilts, bed sheets and pillow covers with Chinese characters such as
happiness, longevity on them. They will be given as souvenirs to the elderly, so as to make the day memorable. It is
believed that old people is are fond of this kind of Chinese traditional handmade trinkets which remind them of the
happy memories on these special days.

Despite bringing fun, the activity is beneficial to the elderly home in many ways. First, organising Magical Day
promotes the mental and social well-being of the residents in the elderly home. The magic performance brings
happiness to the elderly and the chit-chat section promotes a genuine face-to-face interaction, thus making their lives
26 | P a g e
more vibrant. The seniors are used to muffling their emotions, as if they have built a wall of aloofness around them
unwittingly, and feel like “nobody else would listen to an old fool”, “they had better hinder up in a corner and wait to
die”. In addition, most seniors got back pain or leg problems and thus they may simply sleep on their bed all day long,
not communicating with anybody, and feeling being left out or shut out by the outside. Nonetheless, the activity will
provide them with a chance to interact with the one another, no longer staying inside their cubicle to kill time. By
conducting regular visits to the elderly home, the cohesion of the elderly home can be strengthened and hopefully the
elderly will become less socially withdrawn or detached to society.

Second, encouraging the elderly to play simple magic tricks and origami enable them to practise thinking. Magic
tricks, as well as origami, require cognition and coordination. Therefore, the activity can help them slow down the
weakening of their motor skills and improve their agility, which may also be conducive to the prevention of diseases
troubling the aged, such as Alzheimer's disease. Last but not least, the elderly can enjoy a joyful day with our
schoolmates.

We will be grateful if our proposal of running regular Magical Days is accepted. Should you need further
information or clarifications, please do not hesitate to contact me. We sincerely hope that this proposal will be kindly
taken into consideration.

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong
Chris Wong
Chairperson
Social Service Club

27 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
Content  accomplish the task  can circulate more on how it 6
 great knowledge of elderly achieves its aim on enhance
home e.g. cubicles in elderly persuasiveness: the school
homes, mentality of elderly developing closer links to
 tailor-made content e.g. community e.g. including some
holistic consideration on students’ and/or school’s benefits
physical, mental, emotional &  mention project objective
social needs of elderly
 ideas well-developed
 correct text type (with
signature & title of author, no
subtitles)
 innovative content e.g.
embroidering bedding
necessities
 high awareness of audience
Language  grammar error-free 7
 very wide range of vocabulary
used in correct context e.g.
embroider, monotonous,
dazzled, burgundy, longevity,
unwittingly, trinket, agility
 great word choice e.g.
“conducting a project” &
natural collocation e.g. chit-
chat session, “build a wall of
aloofness”, “cohesion … will
be strengthened”
 accurate & refined sentence
structures e.g. “in proximity
of”, “in collaboration with”,
“be conducive to”, “in full
bloom”
 lexical parallelism e.g.
students, schoolmates,
volunteers & seniors, elderly,
old people
 formal & polite tone
accurately grasped e.g. “seek
your approval for”, “sincerely
hope that this proposal will be
kindly taken into
consideration”
 accurate register & style
Organizatio  cohesive ties & transitions  a bit background info on how you 6
n  clear sectioning knew your school intend to
 regular framework adopted arrange project like this, even
 high logicality & naturality linking them to school’s intrinsic
 appropriate opening & closing values
Overall 5*/5**

28 | P a g e
Letter to Editor – Public Transport Priority Seat

Part A

Write about 200 words

The controversy surrounding priority seats on local public transport has resulted in many arguments in recent years.
Write a letter to the editor describing one of such arguments you have witnessed, and giving your opinions on
whether priority seats on public transport do more harm than good.

Dear Editor,

I am writing in response to the priority seats problem in Hong Kong public transport, particularly the MTR.
Recently, the priority seats problem on the use of public transport priority seats have sparked off heat debates.
Some people have put forward the ideas that priority seats do more harm than good. Instead, some people put
forward the idea insist that priority seats can still achieve the aims they are meant to bring many benefits to Hong
Kong citizens. After an incident I have witnessed yesterday, I believe that there are indeed concerns on whether the
public has misunderstood and twisted the original use of priority seats the priority seats on public transport do more
harm than good.

Yesterday, when I was taking the Tsuen Wan line from Tsuen Wan towards Central, I saw a girl who is was around
14-15 years old feeling unwell. She was holding her belly and seemed pretty nauseous. At the moment, Tthere was
no empty seat on the MTR I was taking;, except a priority seat near the door, the girl, accordingly, therefore chose to
sit sat on it the priority seat and took a rest. After around two minutes, an old man came towards the girl and trying
to drive the girl away. So unwell was the girl that she told the man her difficulties, while yet the man did not listen
agree and told her priority seats is are for elderly only. At the same moment, some bystanders scolded on the girl
and try to drive the girl away. Finally, I gave my seat to the girl in order to let her take a rest.

Through this incident I have witnessed, I found that many people have misunderstood misunderstand that the use
of priority seats is only for elderly instead of for all people who are in needs. Many inconvenient will be caused
owing to the misunderstanding; hence I, accordingly, think that priority seats in public transport do more harm the
good.

To commence with, the currently priority seats in public transport cannot achieve the its aim and but even bring
additional inconvenientce for those in need. As we all know, the purpose of priority seats is to make sure those
people in need can to get a seat. Not only do elderly needs a seat while taking MTR, but those who are feeling
unwell may also need to use the priority seat. Since nNowadays priority seats is are labelled for elderly only, and it
cannot is not successful to effectively tackle the aim of helping those people who are in need. Also, like the girl In the
case that I have witnessed, she already felt unwell while nonetheless she was still need to scolded by the others
which may make her feel even more unwell. The priority seats not only cannot help those people in need, but also
causeing inconvenience to those who are in need, hence I agree that the priority seats in public transport brings
more good than harm.

29 | P a g e
 What’s more, the priority seats have can waste the area in the public transport. As we all know, during the peak
hours, many people are riding in would adopt the public transport like bus, train and lake of spaces is not uncommon
it is not uncommon to see priority seats empty. While iIf we observe more deeply, it is barely surprising that the
priority seats are always empty. Since during the peak hours, nearly all the passengers are adult and , students and
they worry that sitting on the priority seats may be lead to them being scolded by the others; hence they, hence,
choose to stand and let the priority seats stay empty instead of sitting on it. It is often that public transport becomes
packed with people Lack of spaces always occurs in the peak hours, which causes some passengers cannot not able
to enter theat car vehicle. So iIt is true noticed that the priority seats have wasted the area which can be used to
carry more passengers. Therefore, I think that the priority seats in public transport bring more harm than good.

Someone people may argue that even only elderly can sit on the elderly priority seats, still retain a limited degree
of effectiveness as it can currently still makes sure that the elderly can get a seat when they are taking the public
transport as elderly is also the people in need. Unquestionably, the priority seats is beneficial to still serves its
function for elderly while as elderly mostly taking take public transport during non-peak hours when so that they can
more easily get a seat instead of sitting in the priority seats and iIt is no doubt still undeniable that priority seats
bring many inconvenience to other type of passengers, hence I agree that the priority seats bring more harm than
good. It is certain that the current effectiveness of priority seats is not enough.

In conclusion, after witnessinged in an incident about priority seats and considering the inconvenience that
priority seats brought to most passengers, I agree that priority seats bring more harm than good. I hope that the
government can consider the effectiveness of priority seat and adopt a follow-up policy.

Yours faithfully

Chris Wong

Wong Tai Sin

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  underdeveloped ideas 3
relevant (give more concrete evidences to
increase the convincingness)
Language  mostly grammatically correct  more vocabs/language can be more 4
 use some advanced sentence structures expressive
& word e.g. unquestionably,  minor grammatical mistakes e.g. form
 the semi-formal tone is correct of verbs (-ing/-ed/basic form), use of
prepositions e.g. witness in something
Organization  cohesive ties  paragraphs can be more organized and 3
 transitions smooth/have a clear point for each
 proper opening and closing paragraph
(connectives, re-reading, jotting down
main points after brainstorming, topic
sentence-elaboration-conclusion
structure for each paragraph)
 higher fluency
(read more and notice why the
sentences/words are changed above)
Overall 4
30 | P a g e
31 | P a g e
Part B Questions
Article 1 – Adolescent Materialism

Question: Your school Student Union has reported that a survey showed more and more youngsters spend a lot of
money on brand-name items, please write an article of your school magazines, which telling about the three reasons
behind and the impacts.

Youngsters corrupted by Materialism

 Recently, statistics indicate that there is surging number of teenagers buying luxury goods are climbing. Have you
seen some of them carrying Coach bag around? Do you know how much is it? Can you afford of it as well? A survey
conducted by Student Union finds that more and more students are spending a plenty of money on brand-name
items, yet, it is absolutely not a healthy trend. Why are youngsters keep turning into becoming increasingly
materialistic? Let’s probe into the issue.

 To commence with, youngsters are hooked by goods, advertisements stimulate them youngsters to chaseing after
brand names name brands and fashionable trends. It is utterly a conveyanceing of flaw values pushing viewers to
buy the most expensive and trendiest products. In the a long term, they will then consume purchase luxury products
regularly as well as or crazily develop shopaholic tendencies, as a consequence, they will be directly lapped in luxury
with self-control ability diminished over time. It will be so sure that they will out of control.

 In addition, Teen depression is the another culprit responsible. A majority of youngsters are studying under a
stressful/pressing condition. They are trying to ease their burden through buying brand-name goods, for instance,
wallet or and shoes, in order to vent their emotion to by getting material satisfaction. Grant, this is the possible way
they are willing to enjoy as the studies are in high pressure. Consumed by the intense pressure of studying, more
adolescents are willing to indulge themselves in their materialistic desires.

 Adolescents consider possessions of material goods as a way to sign of achieveing success, happiness as well as self-
fulfilment for development needs. In the recent society, the ideals of ‘The bigger, the better. The more, the merrier.’
is extensively spreading and mostly accepted by most folks. For instance, they would like to compete with peers
through buying expensive products to show how successful they’re are. This is a way to of showing off.

 Yet, this trend is affecting their lives. Children’s growing craze for material things are is absolutely adding fuel to the
fire to family bills. Not only they are demanding for more pockets money from parents, but also asking for countless
money continuously. Disappointedly, a majority of families couldn’t afford it as they and are feel stressed with these
extra expenditures. Undoubtedly, materialism corrupts mind. If some families cannot let their children pursue brand-
name goods, youngsters may try to do illegal trade for the purpose of earning money. In general, an increased
number of teenage girls have become compensated daters, stunning, right? Youngsters’ values have totally been
distorted by materials items.

32 | P a g e
  Today’s Youngsters nowadays are embracing materialism. It is so disappointinged that they are abandoning the
Chinese values of frugality. Keep spending irrationally Irrational spending has developed into lavish spending habit.
In the a long term, low self-control is going to be a major issue that potentiates effects brought by materialism they
would be running out of control.

  In an affluent city like Hong Kong, youngsters are becoming materialistic adolescent materialism is spreading at an
alarming rate, parents had better shall to control their children’s expenses as well as educate them the right values.
It strongly helps young people to establish the right outlook on life. It is great to see youngsters won’t be the slaves
of money. Let’s get away from materialism.   

(468words)

33 | P a g e
Article 2 – Athletic Meet

Question: you have interviewed the overall champion of this year's Athletics Meet. He/ She has shared with you his/
her success story and you think it can inspire your fellow schoolmates. Write an article for the school magazine and
give your article a title.

Shortie Strives to Soar

Standing between the runner-ups on the podium, the overall champion of this year’s Athletics Meet, Chris Wong,
made a huge contrast to the first and second runner-ups, who are both 6 feet tall. Yet, receiving a standing ovation,
the 160 cm tall champion grinned broadly. Despite being teased and given the nickname “Chris the Dwarf”, he
jumped higher than anybody else and grabbed himself a total of 3 gold medals. How can the little giant bring the
honour home? The secret of it is gonna be revealed below.

“It is stereotyped that athletes must be muscular and tall and the short one always lags behind,” said Chris, “But I
will not take it.” Not reconciling himself to his physical disadvantage, he has devoted every bead of sweat to
jumping. “What inspired me is a sharing by Kevin Hart, an American comedian with the same height as I do. He said,
“being short is never a fail in your life, but if you fail to try, you fail your life.” At that moment, nodding firmly, I made
myself a promise that I will be a star shining in the history of sports. I will let nothing dampen my will .” Chris’s
journey to championship thus started.

One of the gold medals was the individual event of high jump. “Since I’m not tall, many doubt my ability. Even my
coach persuaded me to call it quits.” said Chris, “however, I believe high jump is an event in which you practice and
better yourself by trial and error but not your height.” True, Chris recalled though he once often hit the bar and fell
on the cushion, he practiced more often and eventually he proved himself capable. “I realized that it after all comes
down to the calf and thigh muscles and the skills.” said Chris, shrugging.  “Yet there is no silver bullet to success.” He
shared that he aimed to jump over 1.5 metre at first. Achieving it with long-term practice but not satisfied, Chris
pushed the limit further.

“Want success? Once you meet your aim, set other goals immediately. Never be settled down by one minor
achievement and stop practicing.” Winning the medal, Chris proved that success is the fruit of persistence and
perspiration. He indeed inspires not only those who have physical disabilities, but also those who often give up
easily, to pay effort so as to prove themselves capable, rather than simply accepting what the others say.

Surprisingly, Chris said,” the main reason I joined the competition is not winning over the others, but winning over
myself.” Reckoning sports as testing one’s limit, Chris actually set breaking the record of this year’s Athletics Meet as
his goal, more than winning the gold medal. “I love sport because I can make a breakthrough by trying harder and

34 | P a g e
harder. I feel contented when I jump higher than the others, but I am thrilled when I jump higher than I did
previously. It is ecstasy.” That’s his passion for sport which allows him to practice hard every day and break the
record of this year’s Athletics Meet and thus be entitled to the name “Tiny Flyer” rather than “Chris the Dwarf”
anymore. He added that every one of us wants to fly higher than one can imagine; resilience and grit are the wings
for it. Though it is as simple as even a kid understands, only a few can do it. However, if you make it through, you
certainly get what you yearn for.

Tiny Flyer’s story indeed gives perceptive insights to us. When someone with physical disadvantages is able to fly
high, why can’t we? With unremitting effort and unquenchable passion, we can soar high in sports, in studies and in
life.  

Overall 5 to 5*

35 | P a g e
Article 4 – Culturally Diverse Class

Learning English through Social Issue

To what extent do you agree and or disagree with the following statement? Culturally diverse classes are better for
students. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Different ethnic groups have different background, languages and customs etc. Have you ever posed bias on the
people with different cultural backgrounds? Have you ever tried to understand about their core values, which are
totally different from yours? Culturally diverse classes are better for students because this would allows the students
to remove the stigmas on other ethnic groups, enhance their sense of belonging to the nation and build their ability
of critical thinking.

First and foremost, culturally diverse classes could enables us to remove the stigma on other ethnic groups. Different
countries have common practice, such practice acts as a social norm in society, Due to uniqueness and
incompatibility of different cultural beliefs, whereas the practices perceived as social norms happen in within ethnic
minority would can be considered unorthodox or eerie by Hong Kong locals and result in stigmatization and labelling
on the minority group. For instance, many Indians have migrated to Hong Kong since the post-industrial era, who
and have eventually become Hong Kongers. However, the native Hong Kongers always still discriminate them as the
ethnic minority, and do not agree that they shall share the same rights and benefits with the native Hong Kongers.
Migration Policy Institute found that almost most of the foreign domestic labors in Hong Kong is female, be it from
Indonesia, Philippines, Thailand or India. Accordingly, the Hong Kong would follow those research statistics and thus,
In fact, in real life, many Hong Kong locals do perceived presume the females in of ethnic minority must be the
foreign maids or male Indians might be the security guards whatever how many years away. Those Such
stigmatization results in a low self-esteem of the minority and a substantial amount of cases of bullying in the
society, which is the a consequence a rational citizen do is not willing to see. However not all of them act according
to the stigma the stories that stigmas tell are not always the truth, the fact is that they could also have high
educational attainments and have a knowledge-requirement high-end intellectual job. Through interaction in class,
Hong Kong students would have an opportunity to understand that even the ethnic minorityies could have the ability
to improve their socioeconomic status through working hard and can leaving defy the prejudice from the Hong Kong
citizens. With this in mind, the culturally diverse classes could enable facilitate the removal of stigma on another
ethnic groups.

What is also worthy of our attention is that the cultural diversification combination in a class of different cultures
could enhance our sense of patriotism the sense of belonging to our own nation. We would assume the people
interest of our own unique of other culture Students have increased opportunities to share their own cultures, so
that not only did the would Hong Kong people locals would share their own culture like dim sum is so appetizing, the
minority would also share their unique customs to other. During the sharing, the cultural appreciation of the culture
made by another groups would be one of the act as an indirect form of recognition to their cultural identity of the
own culture, which will enhance their own national superiority. For instance, BBC has been stated that India’s
Bollywood movie as famous as it could in fact is a mutual and irreplaceable brick that shapes up the Hollywood and
India movie industry simultaneously–Priyanka Chopra even helped to in financeing Lincoln’s films. When the Indian
student is sharing this marvellous new, the other student might show appreciation and praise it the India, thus, the
Indian student would be proud of their own country.

36 | P a g e
It is of paramount importance that we understand that having a class with different culture groups of students would
help every student to build their critical thinking skills. Different culture has Owing to different cultural norms,
students of different ethnicities perceive the same subject in different angles. the perception of those term varies
from culture to culture. For instance, an American students may view that a topic as deviant but the a Hong Kong
student may not hold the same view. Using an example explained by Harvard Business Review, different culture view
deadlines differently. While the Western cultures tend to view time as linear and failure of not meeting deadlines to
meet them could be are interpreted as having a poor work ethic or being incompetent, other cultures perceive time
as cyclical and endless, More importance is placed and focus more on doing things right and maintaining harmony.
Therefore those differences in meaning would result in a misunderstanding. These helps form individuality of
students, particularly their thinking patterns and such differences can facilitate exchange of ideas to each other. With
a wide range culture of students in one class, Due to the broad cultural spectrum and diversified different opinions
toward the same topics in class, students would more understand the concern of the other cultures more
throughout the discussion. the argument exists may be such a good thing, During interactive activities like debates, it
helps the students to have a can train their critical thinking skills during fight for one aspect since they have to think
of the other student concern using as an evidence to prove their own stance is correct by judging evidences
proposed by their opponents and proposing sound arguments to support their own stance . During the argument,
they may find that their stance is not absolutely correct, it this causes them to reflect accordingly and maybe change
their sides to adapt their approach from to the perspective presented by the opponents opposition perspective
under the critical discussion. On the other hand, the students may understand can have a chance to learn different
values in different culture, which helps them to be more accepting to foreign values or ideas, during the activities as
well as in real life could enhance tolerance when facing the argument between different group of people.

37 | P a g e
Article 5 – Degree Depreciation

You are the Head of Human Resources Department of a large company, and you occasionally write for a job hunting
website. In response to recent statistics which shows that master’s degree holders are facing more difficulty in
finding a job compared to bachelor graduates, write an online article for the website explaining the reasons behind
this phenomenon.

Master’s degree holder must get a job easier?

In the an era of knowledge, more and more people students are able to get acquire the bachelor degrees and
master degrees. and mMost people firmly point out that people with master’s degree can easily are easier to find a
job and can able to find a job one with higher income rather than those with bachelor’s degree. However, it is hardly
far from close to the truth that in the reality., In fact, master’s degree holders are facing more difficultiesy in finding
a job compared to bachelor graduates. According to the a recent research done by a local newspaper company, 97%
of students with bachelor graduates are being employed while the unemployment rate of master’s degree holders
are 5%. Unquestionably, the result shows that people with graduates of master’s degree are more difficult to find a
job and the following are the some reasons behind the such phenomenon.

Using my company as an example, working experiences is of utmost importancet in the view of Human
Resources department. Undeniably, our company will put those interviewers with related working experiences in
priority as they can get up accomplish their work faster as well as working more smoothly. Besides, in the view from
the angle of the company, so graduates with more working experiences is are preferred by us so that we can use less
cost is needed on training them. Also according to the survey data in retrieved from our company, those people
graduates with bachelor degree differ from master degree holders in such a way that the former will often use their
unoccupied time after graduate to do different work full time or job or part time to gain working experiences
whereas the latter use their time to study. It cannot be denied that hard skills criteria like academic qualifications
and knowledge in the field of work is are important, while yet in view of the Human Resources Department, working
experiences is are also important irreplaceable requisites that we usually look for as this they can help to solve
different difficulties in work easier and we think that is of holders with bachelor degree are also rich in academic
knowledge. In brief, more working experiences cause is one of the reasons why bachelor degree holders being are
employed more easier easily.

38 | P a g e
Not only do are working experiences is important on in employers’s eyes, but attitude is also a quality that bosses
valued a lot on employing every staff. As the Head of Human Resources Department, so high education level are
thought by master’s degree holder that they don’t want to do basic job many master’s degree holders I interviewed
often prefer managerial posts rather than junior ones. I once heard that Ssome employees with master’s degree in
our other companiesy refuse to do regular office tasks such as photo copying or word typing. job while in the view of
us, no matter what graduates they are, Actually, regardless of whether they are bachelor or master graduates, these
job regular tasks is included in their salaries as duties of every office job and are part of their responsibility., This
causesing us to have a bad image on their attitude. Not only do master’s degree employees refuse to do some
perform their routine work, but they also refuse to follow commands of superiors. have poor interpersonal skills. The
mMaster degree graduates think that they have higher educational level and working capabilityability, hence they
always want aim to become the leader of a project or even command the others staffs who have the same title as
they do are the same stage with them to do something, causing poor relationship which occasionally causes disputes
or arguments between them. Apart from that, they also prefer to do a job all by themselves their own and refuse the
others’ help of the others and are not willing to cooperate with others, breaking the team spirit in our company. In
short, so poor attitude and interpersonal skills had the master’s degree holders that they are difficult to find a job.

Last but not least, high salary expectation is likely a contributory factor as well. I have interviewed many
employees, on average the starting salary for hiring a basic staff junior clerk with bachelor qualification is around
$15,000 Hong Kong dollars a month for a bachelor graduates while those master’s degree holders always expect to
have $22,000 a per month for the same title and works. and actually the job of master and bachelor are the same on
our eyes. Since the such jobs will provide usually don’t not require so such high educational level, and it is totally the
same on hiring bachelor graduates or master’s graduates and profit is of utmost important on our view, therefore
we prefer hiring the bachelor graduates as less cost is needed on paying the salary. In conclusion, high salary
expectation is also a reason causing higher unemployment rate of master’s graduates when compared with bachelor
degree holders.

The A higher more advanced educational level qualifications does not necessarily mean having higher
competitiveness. In workplace, working experiences and attitude is are always more important assets that we look
for. If the master’s degree graduates keep on improving themselves can have a better attitude and can gain
experiences, I am sure that their unemployment rate of them will decrease or even be lower than those with
bachelor degree.

39 | P a g e
 Accomplishment
Content  accomplish the task (wrote an article,
with title)
 relevant, the main points are quite
logical
 content shows consideration on the
identity of author (info is logical to be
known by a HR head e.g. performance
of candidates of interviewees, current
salaries of clerks)
Language  used certain thematic vocabularies in
correct context e.g. qualification,
workplace, unemployment,
undeniably, cooperate
 basic SVO sentence structures are
correct
 used certain advanced sentence
structures e.g. “not only”, “… is a
contributory factor”
Organization  cohesive ties
 improved variety & smoother
transition e.g. “Using … as an
example”, “not only”, “in short”,
“apart from that”
 clear framework for each paragraph,
TS include keywords e.g. high salary
expectation, rephrasing for beginning
& end of paragraphs
 appropriate & smooth opening and
closing e.g. “in an era of knowledge”
Overall  I see considerable improvements in
different areas ah :) especially in
organization (rephrasing & transition)
 You can try saving the entire document as a new one first, then accept all changes (Review > Changes > Accept > Accept All Changes) to
see the revisions. In that way, you may compare the old (uncommented) and new version of each sentence better and more fluently. Add
oil :)
40 | P a g e
Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
 mention abundance of master graduates over 4
the years
(“as a HR head, one of the reasons why I think
a master’s degree has a lower value nowadays
than one or two decades ago, is that master
graduates have become relatively more
abundant due to generalization of tertiary
education.”)
 Expand word bank/vocab range can seem 3
narrow
(avoid frequent repetition of exact words 
use some more advanced vocabs that are
commonly used to replace basic words)
o use  utilize
o basic staff  junior clerk
o company  firm
o get  acquire
(can consider opening up a booklet for
synonyms)
 Wider variety of language expressions
e.g. master’s degree holders
o master graduates
o applicants with master’s degree
o candidates possessing master qualification
(slowly improves when reading & writing
more)
 Grammar mistakes e.g.
o overusing “the”
o use of prepositions
o “s” for third person pronouns
o “s” for plural forms
(more careful)
 Create the semi-formal tone better
(use “…, which …” to replace “…, v.-ing …”.
Using the latter would be more formal)
 add back linkage phrases to some places that 4
are not fluent enough e.g. “In fact”
 enhance fluency/arrangements of sentences
components sometimes does not suit tone or is
uncommon
(reading more & noticing more when reading
will help)
 Can improve language & fluency 4
Article 6 – Disappearing Street Life

2016 DSE Q5 Learning English through Social Issues

The Hong Kong Daily is holding an essay competition for secondary school students on the theme “Hong Kong’s
Disappearing Street Life” The aim is to promote youth awareness of the need to preserve unique aspects of Hong
Kong culture. Entries must focus on one aspect of local street life or culture that is fast disappearing and suggest why
it is worth preserving. Write your essay.

The An iIntangible culture Heritage – Street Food

Have you ever tried of eating a variety of food on street in Hong Kong before? Actually, I love eating street food so
much that everytime when I walked past the hawkers, I always will just buy some snacks and enjoy that moment.

I still remember the time when I was small, my brother took me to Mongkok and bought me some street food such
as fishballs and handmade dumplings. I just then realized that street food can be really delicious although the
environment may not be hygienic enough.

However, when I grew up, I found out that this kind of intangible culture is actually fast disappearing and I am afraid
that one day I cannot find any street food in Hong Kong one day. Hong Kong government doesn’t not encourage this
kind of food stalls and she didn’t not deliver any license to hawkers until except on some special festivals, such as
Lunar Chinese New Year. Though, I don’t think this is enough to protect this extraordinary culture of Hong Kong.

*As indicated in the comment, the content of descriptions to the street life you are introducing is not sufficient. As this entry is
likely in a semi-formal tone, the description can be a bit less formal than the ones in the comment. You can refer to the
exemplar starting from p.20 of another document, the tone is quite appropriate as its use of words is not too formal

Since I am afraid of this street culture to be disappeared, This unique culture is in fact an intangible heritage that
represents an old Hong Kong lifestyle, it would be such a shame if our descendants do not have a chance to
encounter. So, I hope that all of you youngsters can also begin to realise how important it is to preserve this
wonderful local one and only culture of our beloved Hong Kong.

*The bridging paragraph can be more natural

*Writing aim: our audience is not exactly “all of you”

To commence with, Street food can signature signify one of the Hong Kong’s culture. Street food will only appear on
some narrow streets and the environment may not be pleasant. Even so, this is the reason to attract HongKongers
by enjoying the “real culture” and taste the local food by only standing on street. Furthermore, street food is cheap
and delicious that all of you can afford it. This is how unique of our Hong Kong’s street culture!
41 | P a g e
*If you want to talk about Hong Kong’s culture, be sure to clearly mention how this culture is like, since “only appearing in
narrow streets”, “not so sanitary environment”, “standing on the street”, “economical price” and “appealing taste” do not
necessarily sound like a culture. The content of paragraph sometimes does not align with the topic sentence.

Besides, street food contains is one of HongKongers’ collective memories. I think each of the citizens should at least
try to eat street food once. Imagine when you are hanging out at night during Chinese New Year, you find out there
are a lot of people surrounding and tasting the street food. During celebration of joyous occasions like Chinese New
Year, we can often see a bunch of hawkers with their trolleys full of savoury treats, most commonly, curry fish balls,
beef-and-chicken satay and sweet potato soup. A packed street with people enjoying their tasty snacks and watching
the firework. How will you feel? Doesn’t that feel nice? You will definitely want to join them and try how the tasty of
the street food are! This precious culture of street food is an essential block shaping up our joyful holiday spirit.
These are memories shared and always remembered by all of us. Even when we are just having a reminiscent
moment, you can still feel the warmth and relive the happiness. You will then feel warm and get a sense of
belongings by being a Hong Kong citizen. I am sure that you will never forget that moment when all of the
Hongkongers staying together and trying the street food.

Last but not least, this is also an opportunity to attract different more tourists to visit Hong Kong so as to boost
tourism. Known as ‘Food Paradise’, Hong Kong cater a wide spectrum of delicacies and street food is also one of the
example of special and local foodunique and local culinary that represents Hong Kong and gives them a sense of
novelty. Tourists can feel the enthusiasm, collaboration and harmoniousness of Hong Kong by experiencing our real
street culture. The Hong Kong Government or other cultural associations can set up food trucks and hold Street Food
Festival at famous tourist attractions such as the Big Buddha for foreign travelers to taste these appetizing snacks.
ThereforeAs you can see, street food is also absolutely the a way to revitalize our Hong Kong’s tourism industry and
increase the our annual revenue of as well as incomes of hawkers by letting them earn more moneyproviding them
stable location for business and new job oppotunities.

*Order of arranging your elaboration can be better

Therefore, the above reasons prove that how necessary and significant it is for us to preserve the Hong Kong street
food culture and I really cannot accept to encounter the disappearance of my favourite street food in Hong Kong in
the near future. Can you promise me that next time when you are lucky to meet the hawkers selling street food or
another stuff such as handicrafts or anything that are representing Hong Kong ‘s culture, you will go and support
them, support our unique culture?

*Remember the writing aim, especially at opening & closing (re-read the aim when writing them): the aim here is to “promote
youth awareness of the need to preserve unique aspects of Hong Kong culture”, which means telling them they need to
preserve HK’s unique culture. That is not exactly same with

42 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
Content  accomplish the task  hollow content of some paragraphs 3
 relevant  elaboration not aligning with their main points
 clear topic sentence  awareness of audience
Language  used some impressive vocabs  replace repetitive words & ideas with 3
 moderate range of sentence structures interchangeable vocabs
 rather high language accuracy  wider range of vocabulary
 variety of sentence structure can be higher
 expressions can be refined/a bit Chinglish
 improper tone, style & formality
Organization  cohesive ties and transitive sentences  opening and closing can be more appropriate 3
 bridging paragraph  un-naturality of the bridging paragraph
 an eye-catching title  higher logicality within paragraph (how your
 opening & closing elaborations really support topic sentences)
 regular structural framework for each
paragraph
Overall  satisfy basic requirements  Be sure to align your elaboration with topic 3
sentences
 Reading more article will help, notice the
collocation, sentence pattern, transition, tone,
opening & closing etc.

43 | P a g e
Article 7 – Imposition of Fat Tax

Argumentative essay: Should the fat tax be imposed in Hong Kong or not?

How much high-fat food do you eat each day? Have you ever counted the amount of consumed calories each day?
According to the health survey conducted by the government Department of Health, half of Hongkongers aged 15 or
older are overweight or obese. With the phenomenon of obesity is significantly increasing, a debate on whether to
imposeing the fat tax is being hotly argued in a full swing. Here I am writing to express my agreement over the
imposition of fat tax in Hong Kong.

A fat tax is to impose a tax on the sugar-sweetened food and high-fat food which aims to modify the unhealthy
eating habit of Hongkongers. Obesity is a severe health condition which will easily give rise to various chronic
illnesses, like heart disease, stroke, diabetes, etc. To fight against the obesity, carrying out a fat tax is the best way.

Firstly, it can slow down the rising number of obesity by raising the public awareness. Implementing a new tax must
most certainly will arouse a controversy on it. Meanwhile, it , which can indirectly raise the public awareness of Hong
Kong people’s health by the dispute discussion between people. If the tax is imposed, people may start concerning
their own health condition and cause a trend of buying healthy and organic food. Since safeguarding the public
health is the responsibility of the government, fat tax can simultaneously cause a deterrent effect to the public . The
majority of Hongkongers will be piqued the willingness of to buying the affordable healthy food to the dear junk
food.

Secondly, it helps raising the revenue of the government so as to benefit s other policies.
Whereas Notwithstanding that the price of high-fat food would be costly after envying the tax, it can raise the
revenue to offset other policies. For examples, more expenses on medical can be used by the government provided
that the tax revenue raises. Prevention is better than cure. Spending the tremendous amount of money on
preventing the illnesses is doubtlessly to be far superior to that of spending the amount of money on curing illnesses.
Overall, it is beneficial to our society.

Although the fat tax brings a bunch of advantages to our society, there are still backlash provoke itsome potential
backlash. Some may argue that the fat tax may aggravate the pressure on impoverished consumers. On the contrary,
because of the fat tax can be equity neutral. The collected tax can not only to be used in the prevention healthcare,
but also to be used in helping the impoverished consumers on paying the medical expenses.

The fat tax should be imposed due to the following reasons. First, it can arouse the public awareness of health. Thus,
less people will suffer from obesity. Second, the taxation can raise the revenue which can be effectively used in
others policies, such as helping the underprivileged to pay the medical expenses or using it as the costs of prevention
healthcare.

All in all, I do support street busking the imposition of fat tax as the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Despite
this, Hong Kong government ought to carry out a more comprehensive taxation provided that the taxation is passed.
Based on the aforementioned reasons, I believe that the fat tax is undoubtedly practical and being able to help
Hongkongers to fight against the phenomenon of obesity.

44 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement Grade
Content  accomplish the task  convincingness of idea 3-4
 relevant  more evidence and elaboration to support
 mostly logical main idea
Language  wide range of thematic vocabs and  inaccuracies 4
sentence structures
 great word collocation
 expository tone
Organization  cohesive ties and transitions  regular structural framework for paragraph 4
 clear flow (intro-elab-conclusion)
 appropriate opening and closing  development of ideas
Overall 4

45 | P a g e
Article 8 – Mental Health A

Learning English through Social Issues Your school magazine is going to include special feature on mental health.
Recently, one of your friends was suffering from depression. Write an article for the school magazine about your
friend’s depression and how he/she overcame it. Give advice to others on how to help fight depression. (2012 DSE
paper)

An issue you must know---Depression

Exam period will arrive very soon. I believe that all of you must be working hard to strive for excellence. However,
not only do you need to study hard, but also find entertainment to get rid of the stress as it was found that the cases
of students committing suicide have been surging upwards recently. The main cause was reported was to be
depression due to enormous academic pressure. This situation is not so untypical nowadays. In light of this, I am
going to introduce depression and probe into the ways of fighting against it.

When it comes to depression, the effects brought by are definitely terrific heart-breaking. One of my friends Mary (a
fake name to protect her personal privacy), a F5 girl, suffered from depression last year. Eating with her, I found that
she lacked appetite during the dinner and she sometimes cried suddenly. That really took me aback! After having a
chat with her, she told me that she was always apprehensive about her academic results. Even though she had
already joined tutorial classes every day and got a pretty good ranking in school, she was still stressed a lot because
of the uncertainty and unpredictability on the performance in DSE. Therefore, she cut all of her activities and hid
herself in room to study every day. Under this tremendous pressure, she chose to end her life and but fortunately
her mum prevented the tragedy from happening.

When Mary's parents realized that Mary might be suffering from depression, they decided to spend more time to
take care of her. What they did was that they went for a walk with Mary after dinner every day with a view to
knowing more about the thoughts of hers. During weekends, they would spentd an afternoon for outdoor activities
such as cycling and shopping around. At first, Mary treated these activities as if they were timewasting. Yet, to her
surprise, with continuous talking and relaxation, she discovered that she was not as anxious as before. Apart from
the help from Mary's parents, teachers also played a vital role in her road to recovery. They paid a close attention to
Mary's study so as to check if there were any difficulties. With the joint efforts made by Mary's parents and teachers,
Mary recuperated from depression very soon and now she is a cheerful person.

It goes without saying that Mary's story is such an inspiration in for individuals suffering tackling depression. Apart
from chatting with teachers and family, having adequate rest is of paramount importance. Without enough rest, a
large amount of cortisol which is a hormone increasing one's pressure is emitted. If there is accumulation of cortisol
in one's body, the chance of suffering from depression is twice of the one with normal level of cortisol. Moreover, to
deal with depression, stop being stopping to be anxious is very another indispensable step. The brain cannot
consolidate one's memory if people are a person is lack of sleep. That means even you study very hard, you will
forget almost all of them in the next morning. That's is why a number of students said that they are always not able
to memorise things, making them feel anxious. As a result you can see, getting sufficient rest can is really essential to
facilitate the recovery from depression.

46 | P a g e
Another part that deserves a mention is that regular exercise is required to cope with depression. Doing aerobic
exercise can stimulate the production of endorphin which is a type of hormone making people feel happy because
endorphin is emitted only when the amount of exercise reaches a particular level. Besides, endorphin can also
reduce the level of cortisol in our body. Thus, endorphin is undeniably an effective solution to depression. Last but
not least, according to a report by the Faculty of Medicine of Chinese University of Hong Kong, the chance of
suffering depression of people who do exercise regularly is merely 3%, which is half of those who do not exercise. It
fully spoke volumes about the importance of exercise in treating depression.

To conclude, prevention is always better than cure. To whoever is battling depression , please get enough rest and
exercise. Also, it is vital for you to relax yourself after a long period of studying to make sure you are not stressed.
Hope all of you can obtain a good result in the following exam.

47 | P a g e
Comments

Hello again :)

Content Level 5/4

Requirements are achieved by including both area of a friend’s experience of depression as well as advices given to
readers on how to tackle depression. Foci are clear and (1) introduced in foresight before the main part of
elaboration and (2) reinstated in the closure part.

Most ingredients of what to include a respective section of an article are present and sufficiently elaborated in detail.
For example, Mary’s experience is quite complete and do not have hole in the story, from how you discovered her
mental illness, to how she gradually builds up the internal pressure, to what she has changed in terms of lifestyle and
how she recovered from depression, the flow is very steady and fluent with no ambiguity. Clarity and content quality
is great.

Fuller advices

As for the section of advices, ideas are elaborated convincingly with scientifically recognized evidences which
support your point of taking more rest and exercises to a certain extent. This enhances the credibility of the article.
Nonetheless, acting as the sole pillar to back up points, it can seem that there are not enough recommendations on
actual actions readers can take, such as performing yoga on a weekly basis or playing musical instruments etc.
Though there is similar content in Mary’s recovery journey, it is better to give more such example or other reminders
in these 2 paragraphs so that students can understand more stress-relieving methods. More information can be
included as this is one of the requested main points in question.

Ideas are developed step by step and quite fully. Therefore Level 5 is quite probably in terms of content. Still, the
lack of additional advices can result in Level 4 but personally speaking that is not likely since your elaboration on the
advices are considerably adequate and sounds very credible.

Language Level 5

Various sentences structure and linkage phrases are used correctly to show a variety and elasticity of language, for
example, “I believe …”, “in light of”, “so as to”. Transitional phrases are used appropriately and smoothly which does
not make the change of subject very sudden but gradual and nature. One of the example is using phrases other than
simple signposting words (Moreover, in addition etc) in-between sub-points, which shows certain degree of refinery
on your language sensitivity.

Regarding tenses and grammar, there are different tenses used accurately in the article and your grammar is very
intact as well as variable. For instance, when you talk about Mary’s experience, past tenses are used and the verb
forms are changed to suit the meaning.

48 | P a g e
Great Lexis

A wide range of relevant vocabularies, including “endorphin”, “apprehensive” and “unpredictability”, are used under
an appropriate context in order to express accurate meanings and enhances the degree of familiarity of article. A
point worth praising is that your lexical sense is quite strong, which means your wording combinations are often
appropriate for the genre, settings, background etc instead of using uncommon combinations of vocabs and
resulting in contradictions in meaning. With such, the conciseness of writing is also enhanced which is advantageous
since articles are often regarded as semi-formal but of technical topics. This is also why I think it is feasible to write
with more formality and technicality instead of direct empathy.

Tone/Style

Your language is trivially a strength for you due to your high accuracy in grammar and use of various sentences
structures. For improvement, the tone can sound more empathetic and encouraging in the advice section while
there can also be direct addressing to audiences if feasible. But that is not necessarily a problem but rather an issue
of perspectives. I see the route you are going with this article as more formal and professional instead of straight-
forward and outwardly supportive. Overall, it would still be a level 5, just that the latter choice would be safer.

Organization Level 5

Organization skills are great and you are able create a fluent and clear flow of information from topic sentence to the
end of a paragraph and also from point to point. Content are respectively put in each section in a logical order with
no inconsistencies within sections. As for each paragraph, the order of elaboration is clear and comprehensible
under the rigid framework of “topic sentence-supporting evidences-explanation of quoting such evidences-closure”.
This improves the readability of paragraphs.

It is also seen that cohesive ties such as “therefore”, “when it comes to depression” are used to help linkage in-
between topic change. No sudden or unnatural transitions are spotted.

For introduction and conclusion, the choice of materials is particularly coherent with the overall theme as well as
being appropriate itself. The intro part effectively raises concern for the issue of depression and its high affinity to
students, especially those with HKDSE ahead while some take-home messages and direct advice are clearly given in
conclusion, which is great because advice article needs these features to let readers clearly understand what they
need to do now for improvement.

Holistically thinking, it is a Level 5 for organization.

Overall Level 5

From what I gathered from this writing, Level 5 seems to be a quite solid grade for your writing. Just beware if there
is any imbalance in terms of content and tone/style in terms of language, at least under the topic of social issues.
Level 5 has some basic requirements on them but as long as there are not any greatly unacceptable deviations from
norm, it is fine.

Great work, add oil :)

49 | P a g e
Article 9 – Mental Health B

2012 DSE paper 2 Part B

Your school magazine is going to include a special feature on mental health. Recently, one of your friend was
suffering from depression. Write an article for the school magazine about your friend depression and how he/she
overcome it. Give advice to others on how to fight depression.

Dear Editor,

Have you ever suffered from depression? It is not uncommon to see that most of the students in Hong Kong are
facing stress every day. Academic result pressure, high expectation from family, and interpersonal relationship and
so on are the main causes for these stresses.

I have once met a friend who was having a high expectation for herself as she wants wanted to be a lawyer
when she grew up. Instead of herself expected Apart from her own expectation, there were also high expectation
from her family members and her teachers since she did well at school her performance at school was in fact quite
outstanding. Wanting to achieve her dreams, her big dreams cause her to aim she aimed high in her academic result
academics. Therefore, she started to study and studied very hard. and Term after term, she keep kept getting the top
one in our form.

However, one time her ranking fall fell and she had a suicidal thought. Luckily, that time she is nearby me and she
asked me for help on how to overcome the problem. So, I am going to talk about how to deal with these such stress
in the following part.

50 | P a g e
 To fight with the depression, we can share our thought with our friends or the one you believed when we are
stressful. It is not unusual to see that teenagers often keep what they are worried about in their mind. It is
preferable to share what we worried about or stressed about to others. As others would give you advice on your
situation after you shared your thought, you would not feel helpless but more relaxed.

In addition, we could also learn not to have competition with our nearby, but to have competition with ourselves.
Jealousy and depression would be happened when we have a battle with our schoolmates. However, if we have a
battle with ourselves, we would hope that we would be improved in the next time and we would find more ways to
improve our marks. This way would help us become stress free and to have a benign competition with ourselves.

Moreover, getting enough sleep is an essential method to deal with depression from studying. Studies have shown
that getting enough sleep would improve our mood and well-being. That’s would make us happier and be more
energetic in the next following day. On top of that, we would be become more productive and be more focusing on
our school days.

Suicide is not the best way to deal with depression, let’s beat depression by the above ways starting for now!

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

51 | P a g e
Comments

Hello :)

Area Comments Issues How to fix this Ways to improve

Content  story part of the article Plot hole Add in the Be more careful. It
(your friend’s experience of  Each story consists of respective always helps to
having depression) misses the three primary information remind you
some ingredients elements of beginning, -for the beginning, whether a story is
 content is mostly relevant development and you may explain complete or not.
but ideas are elaborated ending, your anecdote more on how Stories are indeed
only to a limited extent of your friend’s exactly you hard to write and
experience here misses discovered her tricky, though.
the first and last one stress she struggles
while the with every day, or
developmental part is preferably, describe
very weak. the situation of
which you found
out about that

-for ending, you

have to make it a
part of your writing
to state clearly and
directly how she
has coped with
such an issue and
what ways she has
used to help her
overcome such
uneasy times
Plot depth or fullness Describe exactly Reading others’
 General statements fill the scenario you work would help.
up the core part of your saw You can try
story, more concrete identifying some
information or details special parts, such
are needed as scenarios used
to develop a plot,
or description that
illustrate the actual
events
Elaboration insufficiency There is one Read more sample
/development comment for one answers or articles
above can help your
descriptive ability
as well as your
capability of
lengthening your
main idea by
adding relevant
details or thematic
vocabularies.

52 | P a g e
Language  no major grammatical Limited vocabularies Try adding one or Read more
errors two relevant newspaper or
 basic sentence structures vocabularies to articles which you
are used raise up the level of feel are not too
 range of thematic writing. easy or too difficult
vocabularies can be wider to understand, and
 minor clarity issue in highlight some key
content delivery terms and check
the dictionary. One
of the great idea is
to start a vocab
book to record
your progress and
for easier revision.

Another thing is
that you can try
using these new
words by
constructing
sentences with the
words. This usually
helps a lot to
improve your sense
of context.
Minor grammar mistakes Proofread Read more or
revise grammar
book; proofread

53 | P a g e
 Organizatio  simple signposting phrases Incorrect Genre Be more careful Carefulness
n (e.g. moreover, however)
are used
 basic structure of writing
(intro-main part-
conclusion) is established
 flow is rather unsteady
than smooth, this is due to Another thing
the uneven length of worth mentioning
different parts in content is that you can be
 addressing readers in intro more careful when
or closure can be a feasible deciding what
way to build up a style (e.g. content to include
friendly, formal, in different
professional), but be sections of writing.
careful of putting what type
of content respectively in
each part

I hope the above advices can help you la, feel free to tell me if you have any other questions. Add oil and wish you 5**
in DSE :)

54 | P a g e
Article 10 – Mental Health C

2015 DSE English P2 Part B Q.9 social issue

Your school magazine is going to include a special feature on mental health. Recently, one of your friend was
suffering from depression. Write an article for the school magazine about your friend depression and how he/she
overcome it. Give advice to others on how to fight depression.

Have you ever felt upset when you have received your report cards? Have you ever felt whatever no matter how
diligence diligent and hardworking you are, you still cannot get what you want? Do Need not to worry, there are tons
of other people that share the same feelings with you! Suffering from depression is not horrible, but what you have
to do is to find a solution. In this article, I am going to tell you my friend Kate’s experience and give some advice to all
suffering from pressure. Read this article!

Few months ago, Kate was dejected. Given that nowadays our society mainly focuses on our academic
performances- which is increasingly important to our parents. Sadly, as a new form four student, Kate failed to
follow the study style of the senior form. She felt tough to outperform achieve her parents’ expectation. She in turn
started study overnight and left away from her friends so as to put herself in a forceful atmosphere for learning
studying. Of course, that didn’t work. Without proper rests, she felt much tired and difficult to pay attention in
lessons- her result was unsatisfactory. Thanks to this, she felt hopeless and neglected everything happened around
her. What a worrisome situation she was in! As her best friend, I immediately contacted reached out to her in order
to help her pass this obstacle.

55 | P a g e
Luckily, she was willing to listen to my advice. She started writing diary to express her feeling to relieve stress. Also,
she stopped listen to sorrowful music but energetic songs. In an attempt to definitely get away from the negativity,
she unliked all pages or websites which share negative quotes to insonate others. And I always stayed with her as
her back. What she often did was to tell her she is the best she is better than she perceives in her mind. Doing all this
for sometimes, she was getting better. Figuring out the reasons of always scoring low marks, she understood that her
study method was not suitable for her. By planning a clear timetable and being focused in classes, she gradually
passed exams with flying colours. Additionally, she realized that it is stupid unwise to sacrifice friendships in
exchange for a good academic performance. She opened up her social circle and now has a great work-life balance.

56 | P a g e
Isn’t it encouraging? Currently, there is a phenomenon that most teenagers are suffering from depression but they
are refused to seek helps. You may feel lonely as you think no one are is here to push your back support and
energize you. This is totally wrong! There are myriad lots of people being willing to give a hand than you realize. Yet,
you also have to help yourselves. Of all methods that can help you, none are as significant as figuring out the roots of
problems. Only when you acknowledge what you are struggling with can others give advice to you. Meanwhile, you
can ask your parents or any social workers for help. Given that social workers are professional were professionally
enough trained in solving teens’ problems, they can give you some suitable suggestions. Or you may write to agony
aunt if you feel awkward. I also advise you to unlike all low-spirited pages or websites and listen to more restful song
like Kate does! Owing to the fact that teens are easily affected by the surroundings, sticking supportive quotes on the
walls is a good idea too as you can fulfil your soul with energy re-energize once you feel sorrowful. Trying all this
when you are suffering from depression, you in turn can hence gradually get away from the sadness and maintain a
good mindset.

Albert Einstein said that ’in the middle of every difficulty lies opportunities.’. Only when you can successfully
overcome the setbacks you are facing can you eventually outperform yourselves yourself.

57 | P a g e
Comments

Hello there :)

Actually, the following part is just some brief summarizing of the above comments categorized into the three main
pillars of writing, for more information or explanation, you may refer to the comments. If there is more than one
grade for the criterion, they are the possible ones I think you may get in that area and the underlined one is the one I
personally think is more probable.

Content Level 4/5

 ideas are relevant

 the first section (story part) is complete in terms of content

 why she had depression in the first place
 how her daily life or mindset is like before changing her lifestyle
 what daily events she changed in her life (how to overcome)
 how she felt after taking the advice

 as for the second part (giving advice), your advices can be primarily distinguished into two types
 advices readers can carry out by themselves
 advices readers can carry out with others

 But the framework can be clearer because the paragraph on advice now have the suspicion of
insufficiently elaborated
 creative or new ideas
 elaboration is substantive but can be in larger quantity to make it core part fuller.

Language Level 5

 various sentence structures used appropriately which brings sophistication to article

 isn’t it …
 given that …
 … can you outperform yourself etc

 grammar error-free
 wide range of vocabularies or relevant key terms used
 tone and style is very coherent from introduction to closure
 a friendly casual style is well-established and clear as well, which helps gives character to article
 multiple features are used to outline this atmosphere, such as
o long dashes
o exclamatory expressions
o rhetorical questions
o using “you” to directly address readers
o imperatives
 the style is in fact quite inclined to be supportive too since there are warm expression like “need
not to worry” and the final quote of Albert Einstein
 shows empathy and encouragement, which is often needed in writing giving advices

58 | P a g e
Organization Level 5
 cohesive ties are used suitably as well as some linkage phrases

 bridging is great in-between change of topic

 choice of material to be included in respective section is appropriate and shows joint consideration
of content and tone
 introduction effectively stimulates readers’ interest
 conclusion is great due to the quotation

Overall Level 4+

The major setback of this writing is the elaboration part of advice section as it is considerably possible to be
considered as inadequately elaborated. Besides, each idea has to be fuller or deeper too. This article is in fact quite
potential to be Level 5. A point worth praising is that your content is sometimes quite creative but beware not to
miss out other general ideas or it is still be regarded as inadequately elaborated. It is suggested to adopt a
framework.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to ask me. Add oil and wish you 5** in DSE! :)

59 | P a g e
Article 11 – Mental Health D

Topic: Your school magazine is going to include a special feature on mental health. Recently, one of your friends was
suffering from depression. Write an article for the school magazine about your friend’s depression and how he/she
overcome it. Give advice to others on how to help fight depression.

A Serious Problem——Depression

In recent years, it is not difficult for us to find ‘Depression’ in newspaper. Apparently, the frequency of students
being depressed is higher than before. My friend, Mary, who was one of the students affected by depression and she
is healthy now. Thus, I would like to share her experience to you.

Mary is my classmate from Form one until now. She had excellent result in junior school forms and she was the
top of the school the class. But, when once she had been a high school student, everything was changed. She
couldn’t handle the workload in high school. From what I remembered, she often carried a delightful smile and
politely greeted me whenever she saw me, which is why it was truly shocking when I first saw tears slipping down
her face (how you discovered). It was the day after the release of the first term exam result. I went up to her and
asked if she was okay. Upon sobbing, she told me that it was her plunging exam result along with the confliction and
disappointment that she feels since the first day of form 6. I just sat there with her and started quietly listening to
how her academic pressure had engulfed her bit by bit. She said, “Since the 1 st of September, … (continued with her
experience, you may see the comments) junior forms, she had always been the top of the class and achieved great
excellence in academics. She had a bad result in the first exam on her high school path. Her parents, teachers and
everyone felt weird. Why did she changed ? So, she put more and more time into studying. Despite her hardworking

60 | P a g e
attitude, the situation didn’t improve. Apart form her results, she also felt depressed when she studied. Moreover,
she told me she wanted to commit suicide.

She knew that this is a serious problem and she needs to solve the problem. First, she told with her best friend,
me. She told me what she was facing. After our chit chat, her stress was relieved. Then, she knew that she needs to
find out the main cause of her study problem. She discovered the reason was she applied her method of revision in
junior school to high school. But it is not work. As we know, high school students had plenty of work we need to do
and the workload is higher than junior school definitely. So, the study way of junior school is inoperative in high
school. When she changed her way of study, she was the top of the school again and her depression vanished.

I knew that so many students are confused about their future or couldn’t adapt to a new environment. It is normal
and it is easy to be depressed. My advice is not to be afraid, if the situation is approval approves, you can find
someone you trust and talk to him. It is a useful way to solve your problem. And if your depression is about study,
you need to do more, think more, and your marks will rocket more improve. Thus, your pressure will be relieved.

61 | P a g e
 This is an experience of my friend of dealing with her depression and my advice of how to help fighting depression.
I hope my words can enhance your knowledge of mental health and learn how to prevent depression.

62 | P a g e
Article 12 – Sending Children to Study Abroad A

4.Learning English through Social Issues (2015)

Many parents in Hong Kong are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. Write an
article for your magazine examining two reasons for this phenomenon. You should also discuss the impact of this
schools and on children who leave to study overseas

Do you have friends studying overseas? In recent years, more and more children are sent to the West to complete
schooling and it seems to be a popular trend. As a chairperson of our school magazine Teen, I would talk about the
reasons behind this phenomenon- emerging students in an English-speaking environment and developing their
talents all-roundedly. Also, the impact for the local schools and students who studying overseas is also a prime to
discuss.

Of all the reasons why parents are more likely to send their children overseas, none are as significant as the fact that
teens could have a better English learning environment. Given that English is an international language, being good
at English could benefit students from various areas, like studying as they have to study in English at the universities
and working as all the documents are in English. Sadly, English is not the first language in Hong Kong, we do have less
time and ways to practise our English. However, sending children abroad could be a good idea to improve it. Parents
are more likely to send their children to some English-speaking countries ranging from the United States and the
United Kingdom and Australia. In these countries, teenagers have to speak in English, write in English in the daily life
and studying. It in turn increases their exposure on English outright. Only if they chat in English to suit the naive
speakers could they integrate into society. From time to time, their ability of speaking in English would have a
substantial improvement.

Not only would this action provide teens an opportunity to emerge themselves in English, but also give them an all-
rounded development. It is universally acknowledged that the education system in Hong Kong is stressful and
examination-oriented. The society has focuses heavily on the academic performances, requires students to pass the
exam with flying colours. They treat some arts subjects as ’useless’ and barely care about these subjects. However,
the education system in the West totally differs from ours. They are more open-minded that the neglective subjects
are on a par with those science subjects. Some students in Hong Kong who have the potential in arts would like to
study in those countries thanks to the more resources being provided. In these countries, there are more masters
teaching these subjects. They could have more chances to extend their talents. In the Western countries, students
have a higher likelihood to study in their favour and develop their interests in a relatively relaxing atmosphere.

Understanding the causes behind, we could know that students study overseas with various purposes. Everything
must carry some influences. This phenomenon has brought some impact on the local school and on the students
studying overseas.

For local schools, they may lose competitiveness owing to the diminishing number of prominent students. We could
not deny the fact that those students are willing to study overseas come from an affluent family. They usually
nourish them with numerous valuable resources that they could attend various extracurricular activities and tutorial
classes. Thus, they are talented on both academical and sports fields. If these gifted students leave, the schools may
face a loss of talented students. Eventually, in the comparison with other schools, they could not stand out from
others.
63 | P a g e
For the students studying aboard, their horizon would be widened. Even Hong Kong is a vibrant city and is hailed as a
financial and cultural hub. Owing to the geographic limitation, there are still tons of stuff being alien to us. Studying
abroad could let teenagers to meet people from all walks of life, experience different lifestyle and explore to the
world. They could learn much more and jump out from the textbooks through meeting people from different
countries, trying different sports that cannot play in Hong Kong. Every new try, every breakthrough could in turn
borden their eyesight

Everything come with two sides. They may be influenced and behave badly. It cannot be denied that the youth in the
West are easily access to drugs, alcohols and sex. It is prevalent that teens holding some sex parties or etc.
Teenagers are at the age that love to follow others, especially staying in a strange environment. Wanting to have
more friends those students may join those parties or go to bar without the presence of parents. Eventually, they
may be a drugs or alcohols addictors addicts or tempt to sex.

All in all, this trend would be increasingly hit in the future. It is hoped that the students leaving could be self-
controlled and the parents should keep in touch closely with their children. Also, the local schools could allocate
resources to other prominent students and do not let their talents be wasted.

64 | P a g e
Article 13 – Sending Children to Study Abroad B

Learning English through Social Issues

HKDSE 2015 English Language Paper 2 Question No.4

Many parents in Hong Kong are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. Write an
article for your school magazine examining two reasons for this phenomenon. You should also discuss the impact of
this on local schools and on children who leave to study overseas.

Oversea or local

If your parents want to send you to overseas school, will you accept or refuse it? According to some statistics made
published by the Education Bureau, the number of students studying aboard is snowballing. It reflects that sending
children to complete their schooling in foreign countries has become an increasingly popular and superior captured
many parents’ hearts for being the best option to for children's learning in parents’ heads, so what are the reasons
leading to this phenomenon?

First of all, the comprehensiveness and freedom in a more comprehensive and free the education system of foreign
countries is definitely one of the reasons leading to this trend. Being part of students in Hong Kong Isn’t it a common
acknowledged belief that all know that the Hong Kong education system here is inflexible or “ossified” and rigid, isn't
it? As a Hong Kong secondary school student, I do sometimes Everyday in school, lots of homeworks and quizzes
made us feel suffocated by the intense workload and endless continuity of tasks including homework and quizzes.
There is simply no ways to show our talents beside academic performance. Quite a contrary, in foreign countries, a
more interactive learning condition is obtained provided. Students usually are divided into groups to complete
different assignments, through the group cooperation, not only students can learn some knowledge in the process,
but also good communication skills is are developed. In addition, there are more opportunities for students to
develop their interests and talents in the West. Numerous extra-curricular activities are provided for students to join
therefore youngers can discover their hobbies. The facilities and teachers are far better and professional, too. That is
why parents tend to send their children studying abroad.

Secondly, to better improve children's English an English-interactive environment of foreign countries is another
reason. Since English is recognized as an international language, it apparently plays a crucial role for communication
in no matter whatever area you work in or communicate with people. While Since children studying in foreign
countries are usually required to use English to communicate, they can immerse in an English -speaking environment,
especially in schools in America or England which provides authentic English teaching. Under a continuously
practicing in English, students’ English can be improved undoubtedly.

So with more parents sending their children to foreign schools, there must be some are certain impacts on either
local school and children.

65 | P a g e
To local schools, they may face the insufficient admission of students. As the Due to decreasing demand of for
entering local schools, some local schools which are originally receiving less applications will have to face the
problem of shutting down. But everything hasve two sides, it may ease the burden of insufficient degrees to some
popular local schools also. It depends on which side you look at.

To children who are being sent to foreign 's school, they can be more self-disciplined. Many children in Hong Kong
are spoiled by their parents since their sincere cares. To solve the problem, sending them to study in other countries
is the quickest and effective way to train their ability to take care of themselves. Whether children are facing a new
environment, they are required to be sensitive about everything. This can cultivate their capabilities in several living
skills like cooking, doing laundry etc. Children will learn greater sense of responsibility in taking their own things and
learn to be tactful when living with other people.

Furthermore, it can broaden children's horizons and help them witness interact more with the real world. In foreign
countries, they can experience many new things and communicate with foreigners, who will tell them a lot about
their culture. Sending children to foreign schools therefore enables them to experience for themselves what is
happening outside Hong Kong. This way, they will become more open-minded and better understand the similarities
and differences between various cultures.

I used to dream to study aboard until I enter this school, where it has many beloved teachers and students. I feel
being take care and loved here. If my parents ask me to study aboard, my answer is definitely no because I know
those loves and unforgettable moments would not be found in foreign schools.

66 | P a g e
Comments

Content: level 4

Main points are proposed and discussed to varying degree, some are adequate in length while some lack idea exploration, which
is a major drawback. Certain vocabularies and phrases are used appropriately, for example “ossified”. Idea are relevant but not
delved into depth sufficiently. Cause-process-result framework can be useful. Observe how the author structure his/her
paragraphs when reading and analyse it: which part is topic sentence, which parts are discussed in depth etc.

Language: level 3/4

Various sentence structures are used but frequent occurrent of careless or inappropriate grammar use is noted. Grammar errors
can have a significant impact on your grade of language as well as final grade. There are incorrect usage of linkage phrase as
leading without “to”, confusing “due to” and “as” as well as unsmooth or unclear way of description that is difficult to discern.
Markers can sometimes be easily confused and wonder what the actual meaning of this sentence is. This impedes the delivery of
content as well as convincingness (if it is required in the writing). Tone is affected as well since improper wording or word choice
or way to construct/arrange a sentence will distort its meaning. In this writing, the tone is friendly and engaging but there are
more Chinglish noted as it progresses further in the article. You can look that some examples in the marked version and see how
the sentences are changed. For improvements, reading more is definitely essential. Reading material include newspaper,
articles, or any textbook materials. Unlike formal fictions or novels, these are short in length and are closer to materials we
encounter in exams, in both writing style or topics. Word bank or language maturity is not enhanced by reading along, a most
useful way is to make a booklet for newspaper or article cutting etc. You can first read it and highlight and write down meaning
of unfamiliar word and relevant vocabs on the booklet. Then study the sentence structures and structure of paragraphs (usually
articles are more useful in studying the paragraph structure as they contain transitions/linkage words and introductory and
concluding phrases, you can use them frequently when they do not have a very sharp tone that may contradict the writing).

I think level 4 is more probable due to presence of certain sentence structure apart from basic linkage words/phrases but the
grammar errors can lead to level 3 in language.

Organization: level 3/4

There are distinct sections formed in your article and suitable ingredients are put into different sections appropriately, in a
general sense. In the conclusion, more content need to inherit the flow relating to the phenomenon and impacts brought by,
which are major foci of article. Introduction is quite great actually, a question is used to indicate the issue and a research finding
is quoted to support the presence of phenomenon, then start to explain and describe the phenomenon. There are basic
structures within a paragraph too. A primary TS-elab-conclusion working frame is noticed to create coherence but the linking
between paragraphs is not strong enough. You can make a smoother transition during changing the subject.

Overall: level 3/4. Right now, both two levels are possible, but I think if you increase the content length and richness, reduce
grammar errors, it would definitely be a firmer level 4.

67 | P a g e
Article 14 – Sending Children to Study Abroad C

Q4. Learning English through Social Issues

Many parents in Hong Kong are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. Write an
article for your magazine examining two reasons for this phenomenon. You should also discuss the impact of this
schools and on children who leave to study overseas.

Studying overseas-A blessing or a curse?

Undoubtedly, ‘overseas schooling’ is not an unfamiliar term to Hong Kong people nowadays. Ever since Hong Kong
has changed transitioned from an entrepôt to an Asian financial city metropolis, Hong Kong people started having
our living standard has substantially heightened and we became more concerned of education quality of our
descendants, a high living standard and place much more emphasis on children’s education, hoping their children to
be successful in the future and paved the way for them to achieve bright careers.

The act of Sending children to overseas countries, like The United States of America, Britain, Canada, Australia etc. is
not treated considered as a privileged action privilege anymore. There is an upsurge in the number of parents
sending their children overseas to complete their schooling. When there is smoke, there is fire. The possible motives
are as follow.

To commence with, in an attempt to make their children stand out from the crowd, Hong Kong parents send their
children overseas to study. It is universally acknowledged that Hong Kong is a cosmopolitan city where fierce
competition exists, Hong Kong parents desperately want their children to be the elite among others. The desire of
them gives rise to the act. With overseas schooling, their children can raise their competitiveness by broadening
worldwide horizon and enhancing their ability degree of independency, which allows them to be prior to other kids
and won’t be discriminated against from the keen competition. Studying overseas, children can experience a
different learning environment and styles of living as well as meeting other international students friends and
acquiring knowledge on others’ cultures. When compare Comparing overseas schoolers children with oversea
schooling experience and local students, it is crystal clear that why the former has broader horizon and higher
capability, this sheds light on why oversea schooling can enhances one’s competitiveness. In addition, studying
overseas, children can learn to stay away from their environmental bubbles and take care of themselves without the
help of from domestic helpers or parents that indulge them, this explains why students studying abroad children can
have higher independence with the act. With this in mind, parents are prone to send their children overseas to study
to increase their competitiveness and ability to be the elite in cut-throat society like Hong Kong.

68 | P a g e
Moreover, the act of sending children overseas to compete schooling can be attributed to the spoon-filling spoon-
feeding education of Hong Kong. It is not an overstatement to say that a vast majority of Hong Kong parents are
losing their confident confidence with in the Hong Kong education system. With the fact of Aware of the increasing
numbers of students committing suicide in Hong Kong, Hong Kong parents pay attention to the social atmosphere
and are undeniably more worried about their children undeniably. In Hong Kong, open examination result is
overvalued. It is generally known that examination result is highly valued and the public attach inordinate
importance to academic results in Hong Kong, where Elites dominates and the weak are being discriminated against.
This sets the backdrop why Hong Kong students studying in Hong Kong is are usually pressured, students and would
strive for academic excellence in results rather than having well-rounded and whole-person development under the
education system, There is sadly no way for them to ally vent to release their stress until they are away from the
stressful environment. In contrast, it became clear why parents opt for overseas schools. Foreign educational
systems provide a more optimal environment for developing well-roundedness Undoubtedly, Hong Kong parents
wish the best for their children and hope they can grow up in a healthy study environment, the favorable study
environment like Finland, Britain and Australia, which focus more on children’s growth instead of merely boosting
numerical numbers on students’ the report cards, encouraged them to send their children overseas. Hence, Hong
Kong parents forsake local’s education and support overseas schooling for the sake of their children growth.

The above is the culprit for the rise of the phenomenon, but how will it affects the local schools and the children
studying overseas? The question is worth investigating to understand and examine more in the phenomenon.

Increasing popularity of overseas schooling constitutes a situation where fewer children are studying locally. This
creates an opportunity for school to implement small-class teaching policy. With less children and the same amount
of teachers and teaching resources, it is conductive to the implementation of small-class teaching policy, as children
can be carted more when teachers are required to pay same amount of attention to a lesser amount of students .
This benefits the local school to monitor student’s learning progress, catering their needs as well as improving the
teacher-student relationship.

However, roses always come with thorns. When oversea schooling benefits to local schools, it indeed also brings
repercussions as well to them at the same time. The decreasing number of students indicates local schools will have
less students to study, this put local schools in a plight as it will reduce the source of capital and letting reassures
idle, inefficiency will occur in such case. Therefore, there are pros and cons of oversea schooling to local schools.

Moving on to discuss the impact of overseas schooling on to children who leave to study overseas, it is doubtless
undoubted that overseas study allows them to experience and explore the world. Studying aboard is a golden
opportunity for children to experience a new destination’s culture through daily activities. For instance, when a child
was sent to Australia, he does not only acquire textbook knowledge from schools, but also get a chance to view the
picturesque scenery, enjoying the sun and beach of Australia as well as getting in touch with the natural animals like
kangaroo. This sheds lights on why studying overseas benefit the students to understand and experience the
uniqueness of a country.

69 | P a g e
To sum up, the education system and social atmosphere encouraged Hong Kong parents to send their children
overseas to complete schooling and this trend is going to be more and more popular and common if the government
still do not set great stores by the children’s holistic development in Hong Kong. Studying overseas to be may seems
to be a blessing to children and parents or a curse to the local, but whether that’s true? I doubt . I believe our
students can have reflection conclusion on the phenomenon and I hope children can all be the beneficiary of
education system in either overseas or Hong Kong.

Accomplishments Issues/Improvements (suggestion) Grade

Content  fulfil the required task  unexplored or unextended 3-4
 relevant content points, especially those of effects
of overseas schooling
(add more details to make the
points more concrete, right now
your descriptions are rather
abstract)
Language  wide range of vocabulary &  redundant language expressions 5
most complex sentence (prevent overly lengthening the
structures are used correctly sentences with synonyms and
 expository & expressive leave some space content
language features e.g. elaboration, sometimes less is
thematic vocabs, idioms, more)
asking questions  language sensitivity can be higher
Organization  variations of cohesive ties  logicality can be stronger, not 4
 suitable opening and closure enough development of each
points
(re-reading your paragraphs)
Overall 4

70 | P a g e
Article 15 – Sending Children to Study Abroad D

Many parents in Hong Kong are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. Write an
article for your school magazine examining two reasons for this phenomenon. You should also discuss the impact of
this on local schools and on children who leave to school overseas.

Dear Editor,

Studying Abroad

Nowadays, many Hong Kong parents are sending their children to other countries to complete their schooling. In
my point of views, there are mainly two reasons which is are most relevent to this phenomenon.

First of all, hong kongHong Kong students in moderncurrently are facing high competitivenessfierce competitions in
their school life under the local education system. In local Hong Kong, the amount of students whose who
graduated from university shows on accumulated raising trans yearly. These students are not only includednot only
include local students, but also different pleases contained. For example, some of them they came come from
mainland China and another countries. Indeed, numerous of them are benefiting are benefited by the “Outstanding
Program” held by of the government so as to have a special permission immigrating to Hong Kong. As Because of this
situation, students in nowadays need to study harder and harder in order to admit achieve the goal of entering in
university if they want a good future. Since the raising of students graduated in university Due to the increase of
university graduates, this a bachelor degree will become a minimum requirement of for Hong Kong people students
to fight for get a job. Therefore, most of the students are in under high study pressure and which harms for their
mental health. At previous half year In the first half of 2018, more than ten cases of Secondary school students in
Hong Kong committed suicide announced by social media there are already more than ten reported cases of Hong
Kong secondary school students committing suicide. In fact, Hong Kong parents are sending their children overseas
so that avoid them succumb to high competitiveness and study pressure.

Content:

 as this is an article about overseas schooling, you have to mention advantages of foreign schools,
not only the disadvantages of HK schools


71 | P a g e
Moreover, Hong Kong parents prefer their children to developing their abilitiesy more comprehensively. Given a
good many new generation parents don’t want their children adept adapt to spoon-feeding education, they realized
that students crams the knowledge while studying in Hong Kong. It is not only difficult to get the knowledge
fundamentally, but also deprives their chance to develop their own hobbies. Because of As Hong Kong’s syllabus is
focusing only focuses on students’ academic developments, students have less opportunity to get in touch with
another aspects, such as singing and creating. Overseas’ education system more encourage students more to try
different hobbies. So, this maybe a reason why the option of studying overseas become became popular.

Content:

as this is an article about overseas schooling, you have to explain the advantages of foreign schools, instead of
focusing on HK schools.

Finally, this is not aiming to encourage studying overseas. Studying in local are also a good choice. So, try hard and
hope you can get good marks.

Yours sincerely,

Chris Wong

Chris Wong

Wan Chai

72 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
Content  some parts are relevant  only half of the task is completed 2
 2 ideas are given  not all parts are relevant/Ideas not linked back
 attempts to elaborate ideas (cause-to- to the topic
effect) (double-check)
Language  certain thematic vocabs are used  improvable understandability 2
 attempts to use sentence structures (consult your teacher)
correctly  frequent language mistakes e.g. SVO,
prepositions, tense, wrong use of words and
phrases etc.
(grammar book/google)
 unnatural collocation
 wrong tone
(use formal words and remember this is not a
speech)
Organization  cohesive ties  wrong text type 2
 opening: writing purpose stated (be more careful)
 topic sentence-elaboration-conclusion  inconsistency
framework for paragraphs (recheck the writing is what the question
 improvement in use of linkage phrases requires)
 unsmooth flow
(read more, use mind map to make sure you
know what you are expressing)
 transitions can be more fluid
(use sentences to change subjects instead of
only using short phrases e.g. moreover, apart
from this  another reason is that …)
 closing: summarizing ideas above
Overall  language inaccuracies have to be more accurate 2
 expressions need to be understandable

73 | P a g e
Article 16 – The Third Runway

By evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of building the third runway, write a persuasive essay with regard to
its feasibility in Hong Kong.

Lately, many citizens furiously commented that it is quite likely that the three-runway system would turn out to be a
giant white elephant project, citizens now realise, when it kicked off. We all knew that As we all know, the increasing
air traffic demand was has always been an imminent problem: the annual growth in passenger traffic and freight
traffic cargoes at last made itself unmistakably Hong Kong experienced its capacity would be saturated. “Expanding
Three-the current runway system must become is the solution to cope with traffic demand at least until at least
2030.” Anthony Cheung Bing-leung, the Secretary for Transport and Housing, said. That This view was echoed to be a
point of controversy within the economics, social and environment sectors.

Obviously, developing the third runway might will economically bring some appealing benefits in an economic way
competently. Not only the facilities and capacities will be enhanced to meet the air traffic demand, but it will also
promoteing the economic growth if the airport was is turned into an international transportation hub hub-
orientated, which provide services covered for the entire region of Pearl River Delta. It was also a chance for driving
to transform Lantau Island to be the a financial and traveling pivot. Under this line of thinking, this project could
create more job opportunities as well. However, such merits from Three-runway system has been criticized as
exaggerated and plausible.

74 | P a g e
Expanding Three-runway the current runway system may sounds great but actually naïve, too. According to the
“Hong Kong International Airport Master Plan 2030” released by the Airport Authority in 2011, the estimated cost of
it the third runway was HK$86.2 billion, in dollars of the fourth quarter of 2010. But this optimistic which in all
fairness seems an acceptable number tells only half the story. Yet due to overrunning and delay of agendas, an
Airport Construction Fee is had to be collected for extra-funding to fund Three-runway system expansion because it
overran and delayed. Even more, the construction expenditure before 2031 was all paid by public fund until 2031. It
was no wonder why such expansion was named as the most expensive one ever since Hong Kong established its
trade businesswas opened for trade. Yet ironically, the net profit of the Three-runway was forecasted estimated to
be HK$96 million per year, which just only made makes up of around 0.4% to of the GDP in 2013. The unemployment
rate just about 3.3%, approaching full employment in Hong Kong, though. In order other words, the increasing of job
opportunities provided by the project would precipitate labor market tightened actually while some industries facing
the difficulty of recruitment in the early times. It was obvious that the feasibility of building Three-runway is just only
demonstrated solely from the perspective prospective of Airport Authority, instead of the interests of all Hong Kong
citizens inhabitants.

Advocates of expanding the three-runway system like to point out that sacrificing environment is indispensable for
the sake of economic development to the development of economy. Take the airport of Brisbane in Australia as an
example, their local government determined to expanded their runway to meet the increasing air traffic demand
without compromising their environment. In fact, they were successful to They successfully promoteding the
regional economy as well as and their cargo handling capacity. However, the government, and at the same time
have taken the environment factor into account that vastly improve the readjusted air route in order to reduce
aircraft noise level. Yet, HKSAR government could not modify the same improvement plan as Australia did, due to
the fact disguised by the senior management personnel of Hong Kong Airport: When the aeroplaneairplanes took off
through the north flight route in Three-runway, it was easily to will easily collide with one of the plane which flew
out via Shenzhen airport in a danger position. So in the long term, it would not only be the local people who have to
put up with the noise and pollution, but also playing a death game was suggested in Three-runway system.

75 | P a g e
Developing Three-runway system certainly have their has its benefits, especially for thein terms of Hong Kong’s
logistics, aviation and tourism developmentas well. But using approximately HK$200 billion to expand runway for
airport is definitely not an ideal solution in this situation, let alone Chek Lap Kok Airport did not have the favorable
geographical position.: Currently, the neighbouring waters is widely inhabited by sousa chinesis and is full of value to
preserve., and rReclamation will for sure bring the catastrophic irreversible repercussions to sousa chinensis their
habitat. It seems that there are still unsettled aspects of this costly that are not already discussed. Undoubtedly, it
was easy to say that building the third runway has feasibility, but what would the costs be we need to sacrifice
behind this white elephant project? Clearly it is not the cost-effectiveness a cost-effective project regard to the
advocate of so-called “feasibility”.

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue Grade

Content  accomplish the task  unclear ideas 3
 mostly relevant  no clear comparison between cost and
benefit of the project
 unexplained statements
Language  SVO structures are mostly correct  redundant expressions e.g. “in an economic 4
 attempt to use other sentence way”
structures  misused vocabs
 acceptable collocation  improvable comprehensibility
 wide range of vocabs  inaccuracies and unsuitable expressions
greatly impeding content delivery
 choice of words
Organization  cohesive ties  disturbed stream of thought  draft the 3
 opening and closing main ideas in an orderly way
Overall  stronger analytical power 3
 clearer expressions

76 | P a g e
Article 17 – Virtual Sports

2. Learning English through Sports Communication (2012 Q2)

You have been following an online debate in Health and Fitness eMag about the value of doing virtual sports (such as
those played on Wii) versus real sports. Write you view on the topic and post it on the online forum.

Virtual Sport---------Is it good for our busy life?

Nowadays, virtual technique have well-developing in these 1-2 decade. In recent decades, virtual reality
technologies have been developing rapidly. A multitude of lifestyles are high-tech involved. For example, people
nowadays often communicate through the smart-phone applications and doctors rehearse surgeries on machines
before performing them on patients, can have a preparation on the machine before they do the surgery for the
patients which can reduces the probability of failure. Indeed, virtual sports becomes the an eye-catching thing that
changes the sport style. At the below, I would like to discuss the pros and cons about of the virtual sport.

First of all, virtual sports can activate trigger people’s players’ interest of doing exercise. Nowadays, majority of
people are more prefer a sedentary lifestyle, which is usually involves stay laying on the chair with the electronic
devices such as smart phones or tablets for a prolonged period of time. Obviously, people In modern era, people are
less inclined to carry out sports on a daily basis do the sport activities. Therefore, people doing the virtual sports can
easily to find re-ignite their interest of the in sports through the virtual games. This is not only can have a helps
motivation motivate their desire to engage more in do the sports, but also can develop a balanced lifestyle. In this
stance, virtual sports is beneficial for us.

Moreover, the process of doing performing the virtual sports is more convenient to than the real conventional
sport. Recently, the government advocates our citizens to do more exercise. However, numerous of Hong Kong
citizens are in hassle and bustle. All their all daytime are is contributed to their works. In facts, they normally prefer
to take a rest more than to pay invest energy to find the a place to doing sports. So, virtual sports can play a
significant way for them to exercise at home. Although the efficiency of doing virtual sports is lower compare with
the real sports, this is also better than not do any exercise. As you can see, virtual sports can play a role for us to
exercise easily.

However, virtual sports still has some harmful effects to on our physical health. Since virtual sports is generating
from the electronic equipment, such as Wii and PS4, are used during virtual sports. If we treat it as a game and play
it for a prolonged period of long time, it will easy to lead easily lead to the eyes problem. Apart from this, the ultra-
ray which is coming from the video game screen are is not good for our body physical health.

To sum up, although virtual games have certain beneficial effects for our citizens in busy and it suits our busy
lifestyle, there are many aspects of real sports are not cannot be replaced by the video-game sports. Therefore, if we
can squeeze some times for the exercise, perphaps we can go outside and have a deep breath while doing exercise.

77 | P a g e
 Accomplishment
Content  accomplish the required task
 mostly relevant
Language  most SVO structures are
correct
 mostly understandable
 used certain thematic vocabs
Organization  presence of cohesive ties
 has introduction, conclusion
and topic sentences
Overall
78 | P a g e
Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
 underdeveloped ideas 3
(think of how to add more
relevant info. to make the
elaborations fuller)
 relevancy can be higher
(Health and Fitness eMag)
 frequent grammatical mistakes 3
(revise Grammar book)
 word collocation is uncommon
(read more)
 need more relevant vocabs
(reading more will help too)
 tone and style can be more
informal
(think before writing)
 linkage is insufficient/unsmooth 3
flow
(read the sentences after writing
them)
 framework is unclear/disorganized
structure within paragraph
(follow topic sentence-
elaboration- conclusion structure,
the elaborations are not in depth)
 try not to forcefully translate 3
Chinese into English, sometimes
the sentences are not fluent
(read them in English when proof-
reading your work and try to
notice any places that can be
improved)
 study the corrected places
carefully and make sure why it is
corrected
Article 19 – Working Overtime B

2013DSE PP Q.6

Learning English through Workplace Communication

You are a human resources assistant. Your boss has observed that many people are leaving the office very late. He
has asked you to write an article for the company newsletter describing the situation and discussing the negative
effects. You have also been asked to give two suggestions to improve the situation. Provide suitable title for your
article.

No More Lateness Late-night Working

In this modern day and age, the belief of boosting the economic always often outweigh of everything else in life has
deeply rooted in the minds of the most companies, and thus many people stay until midnight or even overnight. From
the perspective of the top management, this is not a phenomenon we wish to see because as it will definitely leads to
lots of adverse effects to them personally and to our company.

As forOwning to the rapid economic development in our society, the fierce competition between different companies
has become more and more intensive. In order to achieve higher productivity, most business es encourage their
subordinates to work long hours, resulting in many of them leavinge the office very late. This is a common practice of
most companies exclude including us. Our business We value employees as the essential asset in our company and
we therefore show much concern on in our employees’ health.

Higher productivity may bring about a myriad of benefit to the business but everything has is a two two-edged sword
on the surface. Yet, we should not turn a blind eye to the drawbacks of working overtime. Deteriorated effects on both
physical and mental health is one of the major problems. Undeniably, employees may feel extremely exhausted after a
long working hours. Lacking enough rest will make the employees suffer from a losing their health immunity, which
means that they are more vulnerable to get sick.

Other than having wreak havoc on physical condition health, long working hours period may also cause emotional
problem. Since some employees may be worried about being removed discharged from the current position in case
they cannot finish the assigned work within the working day. This may potentially cause anxiety and even become a
long-term tortures for them. In other words, their stress never relieved as they sacrifice their leisure time after work for
extra work. Therefore, leaving office too late have a far-reaching impacts on the employees’ health.

Worse still, the aforementioned influences may also affect the team morale and efficiency. This is because whenAs
more and morea surging count of employees get got sick and submitted sick leaves because of the hustle and bustle a
way of life, their colleagues may feel like they are working on only by themselves instead of working together as a
team and thus it will exert negative impacts on the team morale. Correspondingly, we all know that overworked
people are less efficient and effective because long hours reduce productivity and diminish the quality of laborious
work, for instance, research report and presentation for major projects. It is also a common knowledge that fatigue
makes it hard for our employees to concentrate on work and increase the risk of making mistakes. In short, long
working hours also pose to negative effects to our company.

79 | P a g e
To deter the routine current circumstance from worsening, we would like to suggest the following measures so as to
prevent our staffs from leaving the office too late.

First and foremost, the company can recruit more workers so that they can share the pile and pile on of workload.
More The additional recruit of employees could lighten the burden of existing staffs. Hence, our employees could
finish their work as soon as possible and takeing adequate time to get rest so as to avoid making mistakeserrors and
hindering their performance. As a result, they are more efficient and effective efficacious on in work. Therefore,
hiring more workers could be one possible way to alleviate the current situation.

Alongside from recruiting more employees, it is also suggested that setting up a regulation to require the employees
not to leave the office after 10pm everyday. Setting up the schedule can ensure our staff leave the office earlier and
thus they could get ample rest which is definitely beneficial from their health.

By and large, leaving office too late could have be a weighty problem to health, team morale and efficiency. To
achieve the sustainable development of the company, we could strike a balance between economic development and
the health on the employees. Let’s hope for no more lateness late-night working and hoping that all the workers could
leave the office on time!

Accomplishments Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  give more concrete details/examples e.g. 5
 high relevancy consequences of working overtime
 well-elaborated ideas (drowsiness, headache, indigestion), what to
do if workers breaching the regulation
 lengthening the paragraphs for suggestions
Language  accurate usage of vocabs and sentence  inaccuracies on grammar e.g. using “a” and 5
structures plural form (with “s”) at the same time,
 natural collocations e.g. hindering their base/-ing form of verb, use of prepositions
performance, lighten the burden of existing  addressing the same group of people with
staff, achieve sustainable development interchangeable nouns e.g. *employees 
 high clarity subordinates, workers, staffs, workforce,
 semi-formal tone colleagues *company  firm, corporate,
 great persona e.g. “we value employees as workplace
the essential asset in our company and we  repetitive words/ideas can be avoided e.g.
show great concern to their health” *more  additional, new, extra,
supplementary *long working hours 
working overtime, late-night working,
departing office late, prolonged working
hours *effective  efficacious
 expressions can be refined
 wider range of vocabularies
 proofreading
Organization  wide range of cohesive ties e.g. as a result,  double check to avoid gaps in idea 5
to deter, by and large, other than, (causeeffect)
correspondingly
 transition paragraph
 appropriate opening and closing
 adopting regular structural framework for
paragraph
Overall 5

Informal Email – Youtuber Livestream

Learning English through Popular Culture

80 | P a g e
Your younger cousin Jane is a popular Youtuber. Recently, she has started to livestream her everyday life at
home so as to gain more followers.
Write an email to her, telling her why you are worried about her new way of seeking popularity, and
suggesting one alternative method for her to attract followers.

Dear Jane,

How’re are you getting on? I’ve have heard from your mother mom that you started to be a Youtuber,
right? Your videos are quite interesting. I know that you want to be more famous and develop your
youtube career from live-stream. To be frank, live-stream is not a good idea for you to do that. Of course
you can attract more viewers since many people want to watch one's life. However, this will affect your life
and family.

The first serious problem is if you livestream, the privacy of you will be published you’ll lose your privacy to
a certain extent. Alright, You may not mind people knowing about your face or room and you think that
privacy problem is not a problem for you it even might not be a problem for now. However, it is the
problem here, you don’t know how serious it is. But quite often, privacy issues are understated in the
Youtube culture. In fact, your face showing your face only on in the internet is normal as coz you are the
it’s a part of a public figure’s job. But have you ever thought about your house? If your viewers know
everything about your home where your apartment is, you may be harassed.

Not every supportors viewer are is kind to you, some of them are cracked might be overly enthusiastic and
try to invade your personal life. They will do anything for to seeing you, such as finding your home address
or shadowing stalking you, etc. Do Have you read a the news from last month? A famous actor, Ken Chan,
filmed his home and posted in Facebook showed environment of his home during a Facebook livestream,
which has unintentionally compromised location of his mansion. For the entire week, some fans stayed
outside his building mansion and to waited for and see him, until security drived drove them away. As you
can see, it is quite dangerous for you to livestream at home. I am worry worried that you may get hurt and
have accident or be stalked.

81 | P a g e
Not only be are you are affected, but your family will also be influenced is sufferer. Since you live with
them and your mother or father may appear on camera when you are livestreaming.

If you asked for their permission, it would be great for you to livestream at home. However, I think they do
not like to showing up to the public. You keep doing that, they may argue with you, it is not worth to
breaking the relationship for seeking popularity. What is more serious is that they may stop you to be
Youtuber.

Moreover, your followers may criticize your whole family. 'Don't show your family again!',' Your mother is
quite old!'. If you see some messages as similar as to what I said, what will you feel? What will your family
feel? I’m sure that they’ll must not want to not be happy when they see this comment about them. You are
the host who having a responsibility to protect anyone in your videos.

Especially your family. Everything you do, should be responsible.

So, I think you know that livestream is not a proper way to gain more followers. And attracting followers is
important for you. Let me suggest you a good way to attract followers without livestreaming.

If I were you, I would cooperate collaborate with other Youtubers. There are different kinds, different and
styles of Youtuber, Just like beauty, gaming. You can find them to film a video with you and do different
things in the video. If you find collab with a gaming Youtuber, you can play some console games with them.
Therefore, the viewers can see the other side about you and know more about you. In collab videos, you’ll
get increased exposure as well as an opportunity to let more viewers to learn more about your
personalities. Also, you will show on in your cooperators' collaborators’ channel and attract more
followers. Through the cooperation, I believe that you must know more Youtubers and the important thing
is can gain more followers. By routinely making collab videos with other Youtubers, your channel will
certainly grow and gain subscribers gradually. It will does not affect your life or even your family.

Alright Well, you should know what I mean and I really hope that you can be a world Youtuber one day.
Enjoy being a Youtuber to your hearts content! Look forward to your reply!!!

Best wishes,
Chris Wong

Accomplishment Issues/improvement (suggestion) Grade

Content  basically fulfils the  underdevelopment of each point 3

82 | P a g e
 requirement
 mostly relevant
 format of text type is
correct
Language  limited range of thematic
vocabulary e.g. privacy,
console games
 certain informal language
features e.g. rhetorical Qs,
using pronouns to address
yourself and the audience
directly (I, you), imperative
(“enjoy being …”) slangs
(alright, right), although
sometimes the tone is
neglected
 generally basic sentence
structures are used correctly
Organization  use of basic cohesive ties
(connectives)
 have paragraphs for
transitions
 have friendly opening and
closure
Overall
(more details and examples, you
can try reading your sentence and
see if you can add something
more concrete)
 use more vocabs 3
(For example, instead of saying
“attract more followers”, you can
rephrase a bit e.g. build up your
audience/fan base, appeals
viewers to subscribe to your
channel)
 word usage is occasionally
incorrect/unsuitable word choice
e.g. cracked, hurt
(check meanings and sample
sentences in google translate to
see if this is okay to use it that
way & remember some words
that are frequently used
together)
 frequent grammar errors e.g.
when to use gerunds
(revise grammar book)
 more informal language features
(short forms, interrogative
negative (Isn’t it fun?), question
tags (It is fun, isn’t?), slangs
(great, awesome, cool, well,
collab))
 Chinglish
(read more how others write, try
to read them in your head or
aloud. It helps memorization)
 tone is too compulsive at certain
places
 transitions can be more diverse 3
 structure within paragraphs is a
bit loose
(make the topic sentences more
easily recognized, using vocabs
can help; have a mini-conclusion
at the end of each paragraph)
3
83 | P a g e
Semi-formal Email – Acting Career

2016 DSE Q9
Learning English through Drama
As a Form Six student, you are considering educational opportunities after your HKDSE. One option you
have selected is the Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts, as you want to take up an acting career.
However, your parents would like you to pursue an academic subject at another institution. As the
deadline for submitting the application is approaching, write an email to your parents, who are now on an
overseas trip, to convince them to support your choice.

Dear parents Mom & Dad,

How is your trip going? Are you having fun as well? Well, as it’s about time to submit the my
applications for further post-secondary educational opportunities, I hope to talk about what area my heart
truly lies and what I’ve been thinking these few weeks in this email. As you may have already noticed, I’m
now writing to tell both of you that I’d will now intend to select subjects which are about pertaining to
acting and the one that I have selected temporarily have in mind is from the Hong Kong Academy for
Performing Arts.

I understand that you both want me to become an English teacher by picking up English Education
Subject. as For sure, it is a meaningful thing to teach people and disseminate knowledge. What I am going
to say is that learning acting is can also be a as meaningful and interesting as taking an English major is
subject which gives It provides me the opportunity to devote myself in a variety of roles. Since It is true
that I really want to pursue my dream of acting so I really did some research on finding out how good of
learning benefits of acting is. Actually, it is a subject profession that can boost my confidence by having a
lot of eye contacts with people. This can effectively enhance my communication skills effectively through
having fun. Furthermore, I think acting is more flexible than teaching as the former one can actually be
controlled by myself while the latter one need to stick to the schedule planned.

As you know, I love acting very much even though ever since when I was young. Do you still
remember I always act like the actors and actresses on TV? Do you still remember the smile and
satisfaction that I got from acting? Til now, I still remember the time when the trilogy of ‘A Better
Tomorrow’ was being shown released and how thrilled I was waiting in front of on TV, I became obsessed
with the marvelous acting skills of Chow Yun Fat! He had then became my idol up until now. He’s definitely
the one who makes me love acting so much established the cornerstone of my passion for performance
arts. He’s also the one who I take as a role model on acting. I hope that you can imagine understand how I
am interested I must be in acting and you can support my choice sincerely.

There may be some concerns that you may have in your minds. One of the concerns which, I believe,
should be about the prospects. You may think that acting is an unrealistic dream that cannot which might

84 | P a g e
not help me earn money and fame easily. To be completely honest, becoming a successful actress is really
hard and there’s still a long way to go after entering the academy for me. However, it is achievable because
there are a tons of ways to achieve my goal, from joining the acting subject now, to attending the Artiste
Training Course. These can give me chances for experiencing the real feelings of acting rather than just
imitating my idol at home. Besides, I think my interest is the most essential thing for me instead of learning
greater income.

Consequently So you can see, these are the reasons the above would be why I chose prefer entering
the Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts rather than becoming a teacher. I really hope you can
understand me and support my decision even though you may not now feel pleased this is the best option
for me to pursue, but I believe that my passion and efforts will move you guys one day. cause acting is
really the one which I want to pursue even I may face No matter what different difficulties or obstacles are
waiting on my path, I believe that I definitely will not give up definitely so I need both of your support too
and I would really appreciate it if I have both of you by my side. Anyway, hope you guys have the best trip
ever in Casablanca and talk soon after returning to HK!

Yours Love,
Chris Wong

85 | P a g e
 Accomplishment
Content  accomplish the required task
 high relevancy e.g.
appropriate content like what
parents’ concerns are
 ideas show sophistication &
certain degree of creativity
e.g. using experience of
imitating TV characters to
prove your interest
Language  grammar error-free
sentences & various sentence
structures
 grasp the tone & formality
quite well (mildly persuasive
& semi-formal)
 thematic vocabs e.g. trilogy
Organization  cohesive ties
 high fluency
Overall  it’s quite good already
86 | P a g e
Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade
 convincingness can be 4-5
higher/better choice of
materials
(think a bit more before writing)
 dig your points deeper
(some points can be elaborated
or extended more, e.g. monthly
income of an English teacher &
actress, it is okay to be more
detailed too)
 refine certain sentences/some 5
places are a little Chinglish and
can be more fluent
(try reading the modified parts)
 cater to tone & formality more
accurately/a little stiff for an
email to parents
(more short forms & informal
expressions; use “Mom & Dad”
instead of “parents” etc.)
 work on the informal transitions 5
(some of the modified parts are
because of this, it’ll help the
writing more conversational,
which is okay for this writing)
 more fluent opening & closing
(pretend you are the receiver
and read again, sometimes
adding some elements related
to the settings would help the
readability)
 do not worry too much about 5
the changing of sentences, it is
only more further
improvement :) Add oil
Informal Letter – Recommendation of Sport

2. Learning English through Sports Communication (Sample Paper)

You have received a letter from your brother Andy who is studying in America, telling you he has taken up motorbike
racing as a hobby. Write a reply to him, explaining why you are worried about his new hobby. Try to persuade him to
take up a different sport and give reasons for your recommendation.

Dear Andy,

Glad to know that you're having fun in America! All of us 're missing you so much! Actually, we were shocked a
little bit when I heard that you haves taken up motorbike racing as a hobby. I'm going to tell you how I'm feeling
about motorbike racing.

I know that motorbike racing is famous in America. But don't forget that it's also a dangerous activity! You know,
you may not be familiar with the rules of motorbike racing in America deeply and may be in trouble easily if you
aren’t don't be careful enough!

Do you really know much about motorbike racing? Maybe you think that racing a motorbike is awesome and cool,
but my brother, have you really think of the dangers or risks that you take up it to be tour hobby? Motorbike racing
is a sport that can speed up so fast and you can get in danger easily! To be honest, your mother also worried about
you. We are all worried about your safety.

Therefore, in order to be safe, I suggest you taking up American football as hobby as it is a healthy sport for you to
play with. You haven't try football in Hong Kong so this is now a chance for you to learn and explore!

Firstly, American football is healthy because it can release endorphins which can make you become happier. I
know that you always feel stressful when you are studying in Hong Kong, it'll be great if you can reduce your stress
by taking up American football as your hobby. This hobby can definitely reduce your feel of depression and anxiety
depressed and anxious feelings.

87 | P a g e
 Secondly, American football helps you make more friends. I always know that you're friendly and hospitable, this
team sports can also enhance your relationship with Americans and even make more new friends! This sport
therefore can definitely train your work ethic and cooperation skills. Don’t you think so?

Andy, having a hobby can enrich your life, but having a good and safe hobby can ensure your gurantee you both
safety and a healthy lifestyle. Hence Thus, hope you can listen to what hobby I recommend you hope you’ll really
consider my words and think it through and just enrich your life in America!

Wish you’ll have a wonderful trip and widen your horizons after you are back to Hong Kong. Can't wait to see you
having fun on playing American football!

Yours,

Chris Wong

Chris Wong

88 | P a g e
Letter to Editor 1 – Filming in City Centre

3. Learning English through Social Issues

Some people believe that filming movies in the city centre should not be allowed. Others support it. Write a letter to the
editor of the Hong Kong Daily giving your opinions. Provide three reasons to support your point of view.

Dear Editor,

I am writing in response to the critics about whether or not to allow movies filming in the city center. Some of them believe it is
a good act to the city. Yet, those who stand on an entirely different ground claim that is will interrupt the citizens’ daily lives.
Considering arguments of both sides of the argument above, I am prone to support filming movies in the city center.

One very strong argument for this issue is that it can help promote our city . Movies directors often choose the best or most
beautiful sceneries of that town to shoot his their movies. City centers are usually the best choice of place to represent that the
core culture of city. For example, Times Square in New York City is always full of people and can represent how busy the city is. If
we allow movie to be shot in center of city, people around the world can get to know more about Hong Kong when that movie is
showing in cinema of different countries. Take Korean and Japanese movie s as examples. People after watching are usually
interested in places that appeared in the film and wish to travel and visit after watching. As a result, more people will know our
city and come to travel, thus helps promote our city to the international level.

What must also be taken into consideration is the benefits to our citizens. Given that lives of Hong Kong citizens are busy and
tickets of fans meeting are usually expensive, citizens have less chance to meet a famous celebrities face-to-face. If movies are
being filmed in the population-dense city center, where everyone can come and watch aside, citizens can get the chance to
watch celebrities and know more about witness the process of film making production. Imagine your favourite idol have come
coming to your city hometown, you must be extremely excited and will certainly go visit him! Moreover, watching profession al
film shooting in the town can widen your horizon on movie making. A striking illustration of the point will be Transformer, a
Hollywood film, being shot in Hong Kong few years ago. I can still remember how excited and proud Hong Kong citizens was.
With this in mind, I am sure citizens will support the idea of movie filming in city center.

Another point is that it enhances the image of our city. Allowing movies companies to make movie in our country can let them
know that we are open and wanting to cooperate with them for further cooperation and investment. This helps increase the
chance of local movie companies cooperating in collaboration with international directors in the future. Local actors and actress
may also be appreciated by establish new connections with international Hollywood-famous directors and as lengthen a
possible extension to their future career path. For example, occasionally Hollywood movies cinematic production units invite
recruit local foreign actors and citizens to take part in their movie when they are making movies in other countries overseas. In
view of this, the local sector of movie industry development will be benefited too.

Some people hold the view that shooting movies in city center will interrupt citizen’s lives,. Such as for instance, roads will be
block. In my opinion, regulations such as restriction of time and places can be made by discussion between movie companies
and local government, thus help minimize the effects to local citizens’ lives.

Taking all aspect into account, it is my firm conviction that allowing movie filming in the city centre can benefit both the city and
people. I also hope the public will support my stance.

Yours faithfully,

89 | P a g e
Chris Wong

25-3-2018

Tuen Mun

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue Grade

Content  accomplish the task  develop some ideas more 4
 relevant  size of paragraph of rebuttal
 great examples
Language  great collocation e.g. those who stand on  thematic vocab 4
an entirely different ground  higher variety of sentence structures
 polite and objective tone  language too general (expand word bank)
 clear content delivery  minor inaccuracies
 rephrasing repetitive words e.g. local,
international, movies, city or ideas e.g. filming
movies in city centre
Organization  high variety of transitive phrases  format of letter 5
 comprehensive consideration with one  higher usage and variety of short connectives
point addressing one stakeholder/aspect
 opening & closing
Overall 4

90 | P a g e
Letter to Editor 2 – Opening of School Sports Facilities to Public

2016 Q2

Because of the lack of sports facilities, some people in your community have suggested that schools should allow the
public to use their sports facilities after school hours.

Write a letter to the editor of the Hong Kong Daily stating your opinion. Support your opinion with three reasons.

Dear Editor,

In recent years, the number of health-conscious residents have increased. With a view to have a healthy life, more
and more people spend a lot of time doing exercise. However, there are insufficient sports facilities for citizens in our
community. In order to provide enough sports facilities for the public, some people suggest that school should allow
the public to use their sports facilities after school hours. Nevertheless, I think that schools should not supply them
to the public for three reasons.

Disturbing students in the schools is one of the reasons that schools facilities are not open for the public. Many
students do revisions revise at school and ask teachers questions after school. Moreover, senior secondary students
have a lot of additional classes after school so as to go through the whole syllabus in lessons. It is obvious that many
students stay at school after school hours. If the residents use schools facilities, they will make noise such as playing
music and chatting with friends. The noisy environment makes students cannot finish lessons on time because the
public disturb their lessons. Therefore, providing school facilities to citizens put students in danger.

In addition, providing sports facilities for residents makes students lose opportunities to use sports facilities. In order
to getting good results in the competitions, many sports team members need to practice after school. If the public
use these sports facilities, sports team members will not have ample sports facilities to practice. Without practices,
the sport team members will lose the competitions. Supplying sports facilities to citizens affects not only sports team
members, but also other students. In order to prepare examinations, many students have a lot of pressure. Many
students play sports for relaxation after school. If there is not enough sports facilities for students, they will lose a
opportunity to relax.

Schools need to consider the manpower when the citizens use the sports facilities in schools. When the public use
the sports facilities after school, securities have to stay at schools until closing time. Moreover, schools need to
employ more cleaners to clean the sports facilities. A reason for leading to increase financial burden of schools is
providing the sports facilities for the residents.

To conclude, supplying sports facilities to the public affects not only the students, but also the schools. The schools
need to think twice when they consider whether to provide sports facilities for the public. I hope that sport facilities
will not be open for the citizens.

91 | P a g e
Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

Chris Wong

92 | P a g e
Letter to Editor 4 – Parental Monitoring App B

4. Learning English through Debating

It has recently been reported that some parents in Asian countries are installing apps on their children’s mobile
phones that monitor their activities to ensure that they use these devices responsibly.

Write a letter to the Young Post stating whether you agree with these parents’ actions or not. Justify your position
with three reasons.

Dear Editor,

In this technologically advanced era, most of the people, if not all, have a smart phone on their hand, even
children are not the exception. However, concern of internet safety has raised among parents. Some parents
decided to install parental control apps as a prevention in case children accidentally click to some websites
containing inappropriate contents. From my perspective, this kind of action is well-intended but ill-conceived and I
am writing to express my disagreement on these Asian parents practice with the following reasons.

First off, children ought to enjoy a basic human right----privacy. Ethically, it is impolite and rude to install
monitoring apps without children’s consent because everyone no matter the ages, has deserve the right to protect
their own privacy. Even if their role is a parent, it is by no mean should they have privilege to deprive spy on their
little private spaces. Imagine if we are the child who was monitored by these controlling apps, we are living on our
parents’ clutches which that all information we received are selected by our ‘beloved’ parent. It is unquestionably
pathetic and horrible. Worse still, if children discover that they are monitored by their parents, they will definitely
feel betrayed and insecure. Parents should also take their responsibility as a parent to care about their children’s
feeling. Therefore, installing monitoring apps is ethically wrong and ill-conceived action.

Besides, this action will alienate put the parent-child relationship in jeopardy between children and parents once
children find out the monitoring app. As aforementioned, children will feel betrayed since the person installing this
kind of apps to manage them is who they have trusted all along installing this kind of apps to manage them. Bad
perception to A broken or blemished image of parents might comes along in children’s mind and they may probably
have trust issue on their parents. Consequently, children are not become unwilling to open their heart and share
things thoughts with parents. Parents will find it become more difficult to know what their children are thinking.
More conflicts emerge mutually as due to the misunderstanding of each other and more family communication
problems like ice-outs breakdown in communication appears. An invisible wall may built between parents and
children and worsen their relationship. I believe it is not a phenomena a phenomenon which that parents supposed
intend to see when they are installeding the apps, not to mention their original intention was to understand what
information their children received, but it seems to be putting the cart before the horse. Thus, parents should not
install these monitoring apps.

Furthermore, it is useless to spy on children’s online activities in a bid to prevent the adverse effects
inappropriate websites give into children. In fact, in this digital ages, many children are more tech-savvy than parent
assumed. These surveillance apps will be found by them very quite easily and there are also many hacking apps to
remove neutralize the function of these apps. Children can find 100 ways to deal with 100 measures parents made. It

93 | P a g e
is of no use for parent to take installing monitoring apps as prevention because the rooted problem is that children
may not have a clear analyzing ability to distinguish improper contents. Therefore, parents should uproot this
problem by education. In the way of By instructing them that there are the danger of some non-nutritive websites
and network traps will they will know how to select proper contents. On the contrary, installing monitoring apps
steadily only very often bear side effect on parent-child relationship and do not help children to enhance children’s
analyzing ability in critical judgement. Thus, it is not recommended to install apps on their phones.

All in all, I hope that some Asian parents can stop installing these apps and start to educate their children. Only
if parents guide their children properly can children enjoy a safe and diversified internet journey.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

Tsim Sha Tsui

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  include rebuffs making the reasoning 5
 highly relevant more holistic
 well-elaborated and well-explained  add real-life example(s)
ideas
 convincingness
Language  wide range of thematic vocabularies  wording can be more cautious 5
e.g. tech-savvy, surveillance, non- (hedging)
nutritive websites  rephrase certain ideas that repeat
 great collocations e.g. feel betrayed  some expressions can be refined
and insecure  minor inaccuracies in grammar and
 wide range of sentence structures sentence structures
 suitable tone
Organization  cohesive ties and transitions  add writing purpose at opening 4-5
 appropriate opening and closing (“I am writing to response to a social
 high fluency current …)
Overall 5

94 | P a g e
Letter to Editor 5 – Purchase of New Computer

You have recently read an article in the Student Post in which the writer argued that the government was wasting too much
money on buying new computers for schools. He suggested that the money could be used to improve learning in many ways.

Write a letter to the editor giving your views on this issue. (2010CE QUESTION)

Dear Eeditor:

I am writing to respond to an article posted recently, pointing out that the government has been spending too much money on
buying computer for schools. Indeed, the money used to buy computer accounts for a high proportion of the total government
expenses on school. However, does this really help students? If the government is really wants eager to help students, I think
the officials ought to know what students really need these days, instead of distributing something useless to them.

Why computers were so important in the past? It is probably because students might use it to do research or project s and there
was no any alternative for computer in the past. However, with the advancement of technology, the cost of producing a
smartphone has been decreasing these days, which results in a great drop in the price of a smartphone. Getting hold of it
nowadays is not as hard as before. Once it is in the hands of students, it is effortlessly easy to find whatever information they
want on the internet. Also, by downloading some applications, they can use their small gadget to do different kinds of projects.
As a result, it is so rare to see students rush to the school library to use computer nowadays. If the government still distribute a
large sum of money to change computers for schools, I think it is a waste of money. In fact, what students truly cry out for is by
far more than a computer.

If I were given the chance to decide how to use the money, I would definitely assign more resources to provide students with a
wide range of activities, from buying more sports equipment to holding more exchange tours. With the immense competition
among students, most of whom spend much of their time drilling the past papers and attending different types of tutorial
lessons. Despite the fact that their academic performance may improve, they are never happy. Some of them are even suffering
from mental diseases illnesses like depression, with more and more students committing suicide these days. With a view to
stem the tide of suicide, I think government should give schools more money to set up a wide variety of sporting activities to
ease the pressure of students. Also, with the aid of resources, schools can hold some exchange tours to not only release to their
pressure, but also broaden their vision. Therefore, instead of buying computers, I think government should promote the
importance of holding activities, and provide monetary assistance.

Also, many schools in Hong Kong were built more than two decades, either the educational equipment or the building has been
worn-out. How can a student have a high incentive to learn in an undesirable atmosphere? In fact, many schools want to have
the intention renovate the buildings and replace the outdated equipment, but money is a hindrance to them. Under such a
circumstance, should the government give monetary support to schools, both the incentive of learning and teaching will
improve. Isn’t it a more effective way to help students comparing with buying them computers?

It is understandable that government needed to purchase more computers to facilitate students’ learning in the past decade.
But government should move with the time and know what students actually need. I hope government could make a change on
the current policy, thereby helping our next generation to learn better.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

Tung Chung

95 | P a g e
 Accomplishment Improvement Grade
Content  accomplish the task  can expand the final idea more 5
 relevant  can respond to how the author of the article
 high logicality and well-developed points thinks the addition of new computers helps
 creative idea and insight in the issue e.g. students’ learning more
spending it on what students needs the
most instead
 strong personal voice
Language  wide range of vocabs e.g. drilling and  informal (& a bit impolite) tone 6
sentence structures  avoid identical wordings of idea
 high accuracy  inaccuracies
 great word collocation e.g. aid of resources
Organization  paragraphs are interconnected in terms of  format of letter 7
meaning i.e. coherence
 smooth flow with cohesive ties and
transitions
 opening & closing
Overall 6

96 | P a g e
Letter of Persuasion 1 – A Correctional Service Campaign

HKDSE 2012 Q8

Learning English through Workplace Communications

You are an intern at Hong Kong Correctional Services. The government has launched a campaign called Second
Chance to encourage employers to recruit reformed criminals or drug addicts. Write a letter to all Hong Kong
businesses outlining the new project, explaining the benefit and persuading them to join the scheme.

To all Hong Kong Businesses, Dear Sir or Madam/To Whom It May Concern,

Just Do It Now!!! Give them a Chance!

On behalf of the Hong Kong Correctional Services, I am writing to inform you about Second Chance, Recently, the
Hong Kong Government has launched a campaign launched by the HKSAR Government in 2017 June. named Second
Chance. This campaign is applicable to all Hong Kong businesses and aims to encourage employers to recruit
reformed criminals or drug addicts. Here has some Details of the new project are as follows.

This new project is mainly encouraging encourages the employers to employ the reformed rehabilitated offenders
thought by the refund. The primary component is refunding 5% each of their salaries at first two years for the
employers by government. A chief financial remuneration is exempting the participated firms’ payment of 5% salary
of reformed ex-convicts for two years, which will be payable by the HKSAR Government. Actually, the reformers is
also have their own values and beneficial to our society.

First of all, they will be more hard work hard-working as they know that their job opportunity may be lower than
general employees. Because of As they aware realize that there has a black point unpreferable record in their life,
seeing the ethic of society, bounded by social stigmatization, the reformers were feel difficult to take part in the
society again. Therefore, most of them were treasure every chance which they had been given. In order not to lose
any job opportunities, they would be more hardworking diligent and enthusiastic on in their work. This will benefit
for the employer’s business obviously. As you can see, it is beneficial to recruit the reformers.

Moreover, employing reformers can encourage other employees to perfect themselves. While employers invited
reformers to be one of their members, this shows that his or her ability was be accepted. If other employees don’t
able to stay do not maintain their capabilities at the same level with a person who is backgrounded, their self-
esteem will have a positive encouragement to improve themselves. Apart from this, reformers can also play a
teacher-like role like a “teacher” to warn the job peers that don’t not to go astray. As you can see, recruiting
reformers can have positive impacts to the whole team.

97 | P a g e
 Nonetheless, Giving them social care may be another factor. Nowadays, people in all walk of life are strive for the
fairness. At the same time, a governmental advertisement which is display as a short drama shows the aims that
“Give a Chance to Correct”. Advertisements from the Government alone are inadequate for reformed persons to re-
establish their normal life. As you can see, It is important for the reformers to have a chance to correct in a place
other than a rehabilitation facility. So Therefore, giving them a job opportunity can show the social warm help them
understand that they are still concerned by and deserve warmth and care in the society. Then, they will have more
self-motivation to correct their impression in public general through the job In the job, they have an opportunity to
prove that they are just as capable as other employees and change how the general public views them.

To sum up, recruiting the reformers have a lot of benefit. However, I can just list out a few of that. Through this
programme, we hope to give Hopefully, giving them an opportunity to rebuild their life. This is not only can
beneficial to the reformers personally, but also can also release enhance Hong Kong’s potential productivity. This is
the win win situation between both of the parties. So, just do it now!!! It is of our earnest hope that you will kindly
consider participating this programme. For further information or enquiries of Second Chance, please visit our official
website http://www.hkcs.com/secondchance or contact us at 2333 1111.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

Chris Wong

Intern of Hong Kong Correctional Services

Accomplishments Issues/Improvements (suggestions) Grade

Content  satisfy the required  a gap: how it is operated/measures in the
task
 relevant content, the
idea of a financial
incentive is great,
quality of some raw
ideas is good
 correct format of a
letter
4
plan to assure reformed criminals or
addicts not to commit delinquent
behaviors are not mentioned
(Adding smth similar in the plan:
-assigning mentors from HK Corr. Ser. to
one-on-one follow-up status and
progress of each rehabilitated offender
regularly
-establishing a committee responsible for
collecting feedback from company
superiors and colleagues

Also try brainstorming to think of all

direction to avoid missing info., and
jotting the main points down, before
writing)

 most reasons (benefits) are moral

reasons/can be more appealing: give
more actual and reasonable benefits that

98 | P a g e
 businesses might be interested in
(Include more concrete benefits)
Language  use of thematic  frequent inaccuracies despite not 3
vocabs (e.g. affecting clarity, including grammar errors
employees, and usage of some words (e.g. refund,
enthusiastic) and personally)
complex sentence (revise grammar book & use Google
structures (some Translate to check the part of speech,
could be used more meanings and some sample sentence,
accurately) you can try to remember how the words
are used and usually used together)

 expressions are sometimes uncommon

or hard to understand
(Read more short pieces of articles,
newspapers or magazines, you can open
a book to collect words and phrases if
you want. But the most important thing
is that you should remember how words
are used in your head.)

 inappropriate language and tone

(assess the setting and text type before
writing, remind yourself what tone and
language features are needed)

 Chinglish, this sometimes makes the

expression a little hard to understand
(Read more and try to read along, it helps
memorization)
Organization  presence of basic  try using other transitions & overusing 4
cohesive ties “as you can see”
 mostly logical flow (E.g. Regarding corporal benefits, …)
and elaboration
 opening & closure  closure: mention where to seek more
are present info.
(“For further information or enquiries of
Second Chance, please visit our official
website
http://www.hkcs.com/secondchance or
contact us at 2333 1111.”)
Overall 4

99 | P a g e
Letter of Persuasion 2 – School Locker

Topic: Currently, only a small number of students in your school have access to school lockers. As the chairperson of the Student
Union of your school, you have collected the views of students from different classes on this issue. Write a letter to Ms Lee, your
school Principal, to persuade her to change the policy on lockers.

Dear Miss Principal Lee,

I am writing to humbly suggest a few possible adjustments to the school policy regarding use of locker based on results of
a Student Union survey. Recently, students from different classes have expressed their opinion about the policy on school
lockers. Given that only a few students are given the permission to use the lockers-it has stirred up much controversy among
students. As the chairperson of the school Students Union, I have gathered the views of students on this issue in a bid to write
this letter to reveal the disadvantages of this policy- incurring the school disharmony and holding inconvenience and some
suggestions on the policy on lockers.

The most significant reason is that this policy intensifies school disharmony. As only a small number of students have access to
school lockers with special needs, it in turn becomes an unfair policy to other fellow students. In this manner, other students
feel utterly resentful as the school did not treat them equally. Subsequently, they are dissatisfied about the school and
eventually the sense of belonging to the school would be weakened. Not only do students feel discontented to the school, but
also they feel revolted to the locker users. They may give vent to their anger by bullying them or shouting at them. With no
doubts, all this kind of behavior will consequently worsen their relationship. However, changing the policy that allows all
students to use the school lockers could mitigate the problem-which finally causes the school disharmony.

Apart from the soaring school disharmony, never should we should overlook the needs of other students. We all know that
students have to attend a bunch of lessons and extra-curriculum activities per each day. Some students complained that they
always have to carry a bulky schoolbag as they have to join various activities after school and it is extremely inconvenient.
Students have to bring tons of heavy stuff ranging from musical instruments and sporting goods to textbooks, without a locker s
to place them, it is bothersome for students as they cannot put their belongings in school as so to bring as less as they can.
Therefore, it becomes an enormous burden for them.

However, if the policy is changed that all students are allowed to use the lockers, the school disharmony and the inconvenience
could be eliminated and also various advantages are brought.

One strong advantage is that students could keep their personal belongings much safely. Currently, a phenomenon of students
losing their belongings like mobile phone and wallet becomes particularly prevalent. The root of this problem is students not
having a proper place to keep their belongings. Some students claimed that it is annoying when they want to do sports in recess
time as no one can look after their belongings. However opening the lockers to all students can solve this. Given that students
can have a safe place to store all their stuff, so no one can take them away. Hence, I strongly believe that only if the school could
open the school lockers to all students could the theft be eradicated.

It should shall also be noted that the suggestion of the policy could protect students’ mental health. As I mentioned above,
students at present have to carry numerous textbooks and notes for about one hour back to school every day. Which is a n
enormous burden to the backbones of students. With no doubts, after a long period of time, the backbones of students are
getting hurt students’ spines are prone to physical exhaustion and ailments. It This is a subject that cannot be underestimated
100 | P a g e
the importance of the vertebral column for us. Getting to know from the newspaper, we can notice that there are already many
students suffering pain and various complications. like damaging the nervous system and influencing the function of the brain
due to the huge pressure created by the heavy school bags. But, allowing all students to use the lockers can protect their
vertebral column. Students can put some of the textbooks in the lockers so as to reduce the weight of the schoolbags. And so
Tthe burden of the backbones can hence be alleviated which is a way to protect students’ health.

We understand that the school may have not sufficient capital to purchase so many lockers. Accordingly, we have some
suggestions. Firstly, a locker could be shared by two to three students. Owing to the fact that there are not enough lockers for
every student to have one, sharing with two to three students could let every students enjoy the advantages of lockers. Students
could decide who they are going to share with so that less arguments would have. Another possible method is that turning the
usage time of using the lockers to one term. In an attempt to allow all students can use the school lockers, every students could
use the lockers for one term, but in the other term, they loss the permission to access the lockers and give the lockers to
another half students who does not use the lockers in the first term.

We know that the main reason of opening the school lockers to some students is to provide them a comfortable atmosphere for
learning. But as I mentioned, allowing all students to use lockers can bring more advantages and address the problems I have
mentioned. As the chairperson of the Student Union, I cordially suggest you consider our suggestion on the policy on lockers so
as to let all students can enjoy the convenience brought by the lockers.

Yours sincerely,

Chris Wong

Chairperosn

Student Union

Accomplishment Improvement Grade

Content  accomplish the task  potential contradiction of idea: sharing 6
 high relevance locker
 creative and well-developed ideas
 high believability with practical concerns
illustrated
Language  high variety of sentence structures and  informal tone e.g. use of expressions, 5
wide range of vocabs pronouns, inversion
 persuasive language e.g. we understand  use interchangeable words to avoid
that repetitive words e.g. students, phrases &
 high grammatical accuracy ideas
 natural collocation  politeness of opening & closing
 refinements of language
Organization  cohesive ties and transitions  use of connectives e.g. but, so are 6
 regular structural framework for paragraph informal
 appropriate opening and closing
 clear flow and coherence
Overall 6

101 | P a g e
Letter of Recommendation – Safety of Private School Bus

Many people say that private school bus service operators do not follow proper safety procedures when dealing with
young children and they argue that this may pose a danger. Write a letter to the Bus Operators Association of Hong
Kong to express your concerns and give three recommendations for how private school bus services can be
improved.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Recently, some social medias in local delivered reported several cases about on private school bus safety. The news
pointed out that some private school bus service operators do not follow proper safety procedures when dealing
with young children. It is mentioned that passenger Ooverload, and over-speeding had been involved. This may can
easily to pose a dangers to the passengers, especially young children. I am writing to provide some suggestions in
case of something can be improved.

At the beginning First of all, tighten the law the law on school bus ought to be tightened. Since the law which is
focus on school bus safety is still unclear and ineffective indirectly, private school bus service operators have been
difficult to subject are currently not strictly monitored by the government. Therefore, redefining legislation can show
them the safety criterias accurately. Also, the government should strengthen law enforcement. This can build an
atmosphere that private operators is also need to be regulated by government.

102 | P a g e
Moreover, the government should provide appropriate training for the school bus drivers, especially on for private
school bus. In fact, the majority of school bus drivers is are only licensed to drive. Some of the licensed driver have
not enough do not have enough safety awareness. While When they go on the road, this will they pose the potential
a risk to themselves and other user traffic traffic users on the road. Providing a regular course for them can remind
them the appropriate driving attitude of school bus. Taking the course at every 2-3 years after they receive their
licensed maybe may be a suitable period.

Apart from this, educatinge the general public maybe may be another effective way to put an end to this situation.
No matter on the social media or the governmental official websites, there is a lack of information for people to
know about the school bus safety and how to report the illegal companies that provide unsafe school bus services
company. Therefore, the government should put on provide more information about school bus on in different
ways, such as advertise advertising on TV channels and leaflets. Nevertheless On top of that, parents should also play
a role to remind their children. While if the school bus services have any problem, children need to tell their parents
in order to so that they can take the initiative reporting to their children’ s school as soon as possible.

103 | P a g e
 Finally, everyone in this city are also have their own responsibility to face this problem. Fundamentally, our citizens
should raise their awareness on of the school bus safety. Hopefully, this issue will not be a hottest topic again.

Yours faithfully,

Chris Wong

Chris Wong

Accomplishment Improvement needed/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  underdeveloped ideas/no detail 3
 relevant (explain the suggestion in a cause-to-effect
 main ideas are clear order)
 relate more to what the association can do
(link your suggestions back to the association
by changing them a bit)
Language  improvement in accuracy of vocabulary  inaccuracies in grammar, sentence structures 3
usage and expressions
 improvement in word collocation (more  improvable understandability
natural) e.g. appropriate driving attitude, (notice the mistake in grammar, sentence
strengthen the law enforcement structures and expressions & mark them all
 suitable tone (it can still be more formal down in a notebook for easy revision)
as this is a letter to an association to give
suggestions)
Organization  cohesive ties  gaps when elaborating ideas 3
 opening and closing (notice places that you think are not explained
 clear topic sentences good enough)
 flow is a bit smoother than before  inaccurate use of linkage phrases e.g. in order
to, while, no matter, nevertheless
(google/grammar book)
 adopt a topic sentence-elaboration- conclusion
framework for main paragraphs
(rephrase the main idea in topic sentence of the
paragraph and mention it at the end of the
paragraph)
 transitions can be more fluid
(use sentences to change subjects instead of
only using short phrases e.g. moreover, apart
from this  another recommendation I would
like to suggest is that …)
 state the writing purpose at the very beginning
Overall  improvement in some area  language inaccuracies have to be more accurate 3
 expressions need to be more understandable

104 | P a g e
Proposal – Photo-Sharing Space on School Intranet

Learning English through popular culture

You are a member of the student council. Many students have expressed interest in having a photograph-sharing
space on the school's intranet, which only students and staff may access. Students would like to be able to post their
photos of school events and download photos posted by other students.
Write a proposal to Ms. Chan, head of information technology, suggesting a photograph-sharing space on the
school’s intranet, highlighting the benefits of the proposal.
 
Dear Miss Chan

I am writing to propose a photograph sharing space on the school’s intranet.

A proposal of a photograph-sharing space Proposal on Establishment of Photo-sharing Space on Intranet

Introduction
Teachers and students love taking pictures during school activities. After that, they will send those picture to their
friends and share it in social platform. However, it is inconvenient for them as there is a large amount of students
and staff at school. They are now expressing interest in creating a photograph sharing space on the school’s intranet.

Designs
This space can only be accessed is only accessible by students and staff. Once they login into Intranet, they can post
their own photos to the space and download photos posted by others.

105 | P a g e
Benefits
This space can help keep a complete record of all the activities that have been held in the past all past school-held
activities. Whenever students are missing missed some of the activities any activity and they want to review it them
again, they can go to the this space and search for a large amount of relevant in the enormous pool of existing
photos. Those photos are the recorded countless happy moments of the students. Once the students they see look
at these photos, memories will be brought up to their minds again. They can then keep these photos as memory
forever.

Furthermore, this space provides the functions of exchanging photos. Not only viewing the photos, you can also
upload and download photos. When you users access the this space, you they may find yourself themselves or your
their friends appearing at other’s photo from another uploader. You Users can choose to save it and keep it as yours
theirs. Also, you might have taken photos of your classmates in some of the activities, such as performance and
competition. You can upload it and let them have a look of themselves. By exchanging photos,  this space provides a
feeling of family helps give students a sense of belongingness in this family, which staff and students from the same
school can share their memories without the public knowing. This helps creating a better relationship between
students and the school. And students will feel like they are part of the school.

Another thing is that, this school album can help provide also include the details of each school activityies. As
everyone can upload their photos, not even a small detail will be missed. Activities such as Carnival and athletic
meets are in larger scale, so often students are not able to attend all the games and matches. Through this
space, students get to know the past they have missed. They can know more about the activity . For students who
are absent on the activity, they will know what has happened if they look at the photos in the space.

This photograph sharing space benefits both teachers and students. I We hope this space can be successfully
created, thus photo can be shared conveniently. Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
Chris Wong
Member of the student council

106 | P a g e
Report 1 – Hong Kong Cinemas

You are working on a project entitled ‘Cinema in Hong Kong’ for the learning English though popular
culture module and have found that fewer people go to cinemas than before. Write a report to explain
why this is happening and to suggest what could be done to increase the number of moviegoers. Give
reasons to support your suggestion.

Report on Cinemas in Hong Kong

Introduction 

        With the advancement of technology and internet, people nowadays are more easy to find a film to
watch either in mobile phone or computer. That makes fewer people go to cinema than before. This report
is going to express why this is happening and suggest some solution to increase the number of moviegoers.

Why it is happening

        There are three justifications why fewer people go to watch a movie in the cinema than before. First
and foremost, they think watching films in cinema are quite uncomfortable. Because when they are
watching a movie, some of the audiences often forget to switch off their mobile phones and their mobile
phone suddenly ring and lead to disturbing another audience. According to a survey that comes from Hong
Kong Film Production, they it is claimed that over 85% of moviegoers had been experienced to get
disturbed disturbance from the others while watching a movie. It shows that why fewer people go to the
cinema than before. Even more, people can watch the film that they are interested in from on the internet
too. In addition, the cinemas also insufficient of privacy.

107 | P a g e
 Secondly is the high inflation of Hong Kong. The things that you can enjoy in Hong Kong almost
expensive. For instance, if you want to enter the theme parks of in Hong Kong, you need to pay at least
$500 for the ticket. In fact, watching a movie in cinema can also be so expensive. In the past, people only
need to pay $5 to enter the cinema but whereas now, people need to pay $65 for the movie ticket now. If
people need to pay $65 to watch a movie for once, they would rather buy a DVD and watch it at home with
no restriction than watching in the cinema. Therefore one of the reasons that why fewer people go to
cinemas than before is because of the higher price of the movie ticket.

Thirdly, in Hong Kong, most of the people are the life of hustle and bustle, which means they need
to work with a ‘non-stop’ way situation. So far people used to connect with others by watching a movies in
the cinema in the bygone days. However, people nowadays are in no need to use this way to connect with
each other. They can connect others in different ways now., Ffor example, having a fine dining, hiking,
even using ‘face-time’. It is also ludicrous that when some people someone finally have done finishes their
work and wants to watch a film in the cinema but the broadcast show time has already finished ended.
Therefore they cannot watch the movie in the cinema and then they prefer to watch it on their smart
phones. Furthermore, most tourists, if not all, visit Hong Kong only for shopping. They wouldn’t like to
watch a movie in Hong Kong cinemas. Undeniably, it adds insult to injury.

108 | P a g e
What could be done to increase the number of moviegoers

To begin with, the company which owns a cinema can provide more offers and discounts to the people
public and to engage more people back to the cinema to watch a film. After providing these kinds of offers,
more people will back to the cinema again.
 
Another suggestion is to upgrade the cinemas' facilities (such as the chair, all-rounded sound system).
With To the ones who said that it is uncomfortable to watch a movie in the cinema, after upgrading these
facilities, they may feel more comfortable.
 
Last but not least, to apply answer to/satisfy the Hong Kong citizens demand, the filming companyies
can consider making the broadcast show time longer so as to let the hectic people have a chance to watch
the movie that they are wanted to watch.

Conclusion

     Uncomfortable, expensive of the movie ticket and life of hustle and bustle are the reasons why
fewer people go to cinema than before. For these kinds of reasons, provide more offers and discount,
upgrade the facilities and make the broadcast time longer are the solutions to make more people back to
the cinema to watch a film.

109 | P a g e
Comments
Hello there :)

Content Level 4/3

All ideas selected are relevant to main topic and most are developed in a logical way to clearly illustrate
reasons behind the trend of fewer moviegoers to cinemas in Hong Kong. Focus of ideas is correct.
Especially the points of “rise of inflation rate in HK” and “movies being a day-to-day leisure activity back in
the days” show consideration into Hong Kong history which help establish a close relationship to HK as well
as the broad topic. Choice of materials, including the parts of elaboration, are suitable and often show
direct connection to main points. There is close cohesion between sentences.

Insufficient Referencing
Also, the referencing in this writing is not enough too. Since this is a report to study a social phenomenon,
statistics and information from reliable sources are very important. It seems that only the first paragraph
includes a quoting from a survey. Need not to frequently give a detailed analysis or even figures to prove
your point, however such information in needed to establish credibility since it would be not objective
enough to write a report just by your own information or insight.

Limited Vocabularies
Elaboration are adequate in quantity and coherent in order. Ideas are primarily developed but could be
further repackaged to enhance the content richness and diversity. There is an issue of insufficient vocabs
when your ideas are elaborated in detail and sometimes the content can seem too general, such as your
second point explaining “why it is happening” can seem a little shallow, and it would be great to go a little
deeper. Your way of illustration is great which makes the paragraphs go smoothly and naturally. However,
the restriction from limited range of word can hold back the overall quality of your idea and sometimes
makes it seem general. Putting eye-catching (and correctly used) vocabs in especially topic sentences can
help.

Your quality of idea is great but it is limited by your grade on language as this can result in a great loss in
meaning. Thematic vocabularies can effectively pinpoint an accurate and specific meaning.
Level 4 is for the first 3 paragraphs while there is also a possibility that the latter paragraphs give rise to
overall content level 3 due to uneven length.

110 | P a g e
Language Level 3+
Various sentences structure and linkage/transition phrases are used correctly to show a variety and
elasticity of language, for example, “rather… than”, “it is … that …”, “so as to”. There are also different
tenses used mostly accurately but minor grammatical errors can be found on area of passive voice and part
of speech towards the end of writing. Once those are corrected, the grade on language have a great
chance to be upgraded to Level 4.
Regarding the introduction, it covers elements need to include but the wordings can be more concise and
formal as the tone of this report can be semi-formal (preferably since it is not mentioned that it is for
formal submission to higher authorities or such figures) or formal, but it is not a major matter.

Chinglish/Language Overly General

There are also times that your language can seem too general or the grammar is very Chinglish which can
also make the content sound general, for instance, this is the first paragraph from “why it is happening”,

“For instance, if you want to enter the theme parks of in Hong Kong, you need to pay at least $500 for
the ticket. In fact, watching a movie in cinema can also be so expensive. In the past, people only need to
pay $5 to enter the cinema but whereas now, people need to pay $65 for the movie ticket now. If people
need to pay $65 to watch a movie for once, they would rather buy a DVD and watch it at home with no
restriction than watching in the cinema. Therefore one of the reasons that why fewer people go to cinemas
than before is because of the higher price of the movie ticket.”
You can see an example in the comments near. This is originated from the lack of description such as
adjectives, adverbs, vocab etc.

Organization Level 3/4

Organization skills are great and you can mostly create a fluent and clear flow of information from topic
sentence to the end of a paragraph and also from point to point. Content are respectively put in each
section with no major inconsistencies in the sections.
The conclusion can end by mentioning more. Contrastingly, the materials in the introduction is quite a
great choice. Uneven length of paragraphs is also a problem.

Overall Level 3-4

Personally I see potential in this writing that you can improve and become better. There is some issues that
needs further attention, for one, the word forms must be correct and some careless grammar mistakes
need to be avoided, otherwise those can be a prominent problem. Without the unevenness of paragraphs,
it is probably a writing just accomplishing Level 4.
Reading more articles from day to day or make a vocab book can help a lot. If you have any other question,
you can also ask me ga, add oil :)

111 | P a g e
Report 2 – Rising of NEETs A
2017 paper2 Q7

You are working on a project entitled Hong Kong NETTs .NETTs are young people who are not in education,
empolyment or training. Many of these young people spend their time at home playing video games or surfing the
internet.

Write a report to explain why the number of NEETs in Hong Kong is rising and suggest what can be done to help these
youths. Give reasons to support your suggestions.

The Rising of NEETs

1. Introduction of NEETs

If you often care our community and read a local newspaper ,I guess that you would know the answer
.Surely,NETTs means teenagers who are not in education , employment or training and just stay at home to enjoy the
video and computer games. According to the latest report ,the number of NEETs is lifting significantly. This
phenomenon is very urgent that we need to combat it .Therefore,Iwould exhaust three reasons of this phenomenon
and three waies that can help NEETs.

The term NEET in recent decades often comes up on television and newspaper headlines. In fact, NETTs refers to a
group of teenagers who are not in any form of education, employment or training, for the most time, just staying at
home to play video and computer games. According to the latest report (2018) published by the Hong Kong Social
Welfare Department, the number of NEETs is lifting significantly since the early 2000s. This is an urgent phenomenon
that need to be combatted. Therefore, I would propose three reasons contributing to this phenomenon and three
ways in order to help NEETs.

*Included most basic content  can add some information at appropriate places
*exhaust e.g. exhaust fumes

2. Reasons Accountable for the Rising of NEETs

The following three subsections illustrates three reasons why the count of NEETs in Hong Kong is in elevation.

2.1 Prevalence of Electronic Gaming Gadgets

The very first reason is that electronic devices are so prevalent nowadays that they cause many teenagers
become addicted to it. As we know, in the era of 21th century, people possess the ability to access to a
variety of electronic gaming devices with ease, such as PS4, Xbox360. In addition, not only most of these
devices have a pretty economical price, but they also bare numerous appealing gimmicks, for instance, 3D
graphics and 360o full angle view. Due to weak self-control ability, most teenagers would easily addict to
these games. Thereby, more and more young people would become NEETs as their self-control of ability is
low and are deeply attracted by electronic devices.

The very first reason is electronic devices are so prevalent that causees many teenagers addict to it .As we
112 | P a g e
know,nowadays people can buy variety of electronic devices easily.Such as PS4,Xbox360. Not only this devices are
not expensive,but also are so appealing to use.Since most teenagers are bad at self-control,they are easy to addict to
these games.Thereby,more and more young people would become NEETs as their self-control of ability is low and are
deeply attracted by electronic devices.

*Rephrasing phrases e.g. are not expensive, so appealing to use, bad at self-control with better vocabs or terms
*Fuller elaboration  examples, relevant extension of ideas
*Can be more fluent  reading the sentences in head may help, some sentences can be rearranged
*Thereby means 從而
*Gap in idea, “more young people would become NEETs”, how exactly?  cause-to-effect framework
*Content a bit raw but in the right direction

2.2 Lack of Parents‘ Supervision

Along with addicting electronic devices, but also lacking supervision of parents are the main is another
reason that lead to this phenomenon. Indeed, Pparents plays a vital role on raising educating children and
enlightening them a correct life attitude for teenagers. When If parents always do not know really have a
direction in monitoring their children or communicatinge with them, teenagers they would give up their
study or work, especially during their adolescent phase. Therefore, they are would be reluctant to shoulder
any responsility on study or work and just stay at home. Unfortunately, the majority of workers in Hong Kong
often need to work over time, so they do not jhave adequate time to monitor attend to their children’s needs
or behaviours. As a result, it causes the amount of NEETs in Hong Kong to keep enhancing.

*Inaccuracies: is/are, lead not = lead to (lead to = cause), “s“ for third person pronoun, if vs. and, are vs.
would be
*(for all paragraphs) Quote some statistics/research, as this is a report
*Ideas quite approrpriate and logical

2.3 Dearth of Support and Care when Facing Adversity

The last reason that we never be oblivious is that teenagers are quite often there is a dearth of support and
care in teengaers‘ lives during facing the failures. It is the a well-known fact that most local parents only
spend a little time on family communication. Besides, teachers also need to under a great work pressure,
they all lack time to offer support to teenagers. Therefore, when teenagers are experience failures, nobody
would provide some mental or material assistance to them. When they are prolonged to face the miserable
incident, they would be afraid to study or work. They scary to meet any failures and hindrances strongly .
According to psychologists specializing in adolescents, it is a common belief that teens are objectively more
vulnerable to discouragements and failures, which gives rise to their higher likelihood to withdraw
themselves from perceived adversity. As a matter of fact, most NEETs do share the characteristic of avoiding
challenges. It is pointed out that this mentality is often preventable by support and care from others like
friends, parents and teachers. It also affects them to avoid any plight through being a NEET.

3. Suggestions

Above all, clearly did me explain the reasons of that phenomenon. Next, let me suggest three waies ways to help
them.

3.1 Interest Courses

The first way is holding some interest courses for NEETs, namely swimming and singing courses. Some
NEETs do not know what their life meaning is, so they would not like to face the world and be passive to in
113 | P a g e
 life . Thereby By participating in these courses, they can wexplore their advantages strengths and life
meaning, through this courses. Namely is swimming courses, singing courses. That This enables them to be
inspired their of how to face their life actively optimistically and strengthen their practical skills. As a result,
they would be braver and confident to study or work in studying or working.

3.2 Regualr Parent-teen Conversation

Besides, reminding their parents to spend more time to communicate with them , that is also an efficient
solution. Not only parents can console their children when they feel upset, but also can share bring them
more some happiness to them. Therefore, teenagers can know that they are not alone to face all matter
their issues and will be willing to face up to their life. It is since once they understand realize that their
parents would do have the ability to help them to easinge all their problems. As a result, more adequate
time for communication time is the a crucial key on helping NEETs.

3.3 NEET Support Groups

The last way is organizingation some NEETs teams support groups for them to help with each other.
NEETs may not be feel easy to overcome their plight. Also, they would be nervous to treat socialize with
others, so we can organizeate some teaems that all are all NEETs. Because their background are similar
Owing to their similar background, they would open up their mind heart to try to understandt with each
other more. They also can play some activities like boardgames and do exercise such as yoga and running
together. As long as they are able to cultivate confidence and self-esteem on the process, they can face up to
the real world and give up to be being a NEET.

*great ideas (all 3), but can have fuller elaboration and refine the language
*inaccuracies: the verb “be“ is often missing, to vs. in (to “help not“ = “in helping“)

4. Conclusion

To sum up, the problem of NEETs is grave arises from different factors and nad solving it is can be very difficult.
However we all are incumbent to alleviate the problem, so I hope we can make more efforts to in helping NEETs.

Accomplishments Improvement Grade

Content  accomplish the task satisfatorily  fuller elaboration (cause-to-effect) 4
 ideas all relevant  quote some research/statistics
 elaboration in paragraphs 
Language  most expressions are easy to understand,  inaccuracies 4
some are only comprehensible  language can be refined
 appropriacy in choice of words and  more formal tone and style
collocation is sometimes great, but  overused simple phrases like “as a
sometimes is inapprorpiate result“
 basic grasp of tone  unstable sentence structures
 used some thematic vocabs  wider range of vocabs
 moderate range of sentence variety
Organization  signposting and transitional sentences &  not a report format 4
paragraph  gap in idea
 opening and closing  occasional lack of transition
 regualr framework for paragraphs
 logical order in writing and within
paragraphs
Overall  satisfactory performance in the areas  deeper content & more precise
language

114 | P a g e
 carefulness

115 | P a g e
Report 3 – Rising of NEETs B

2017dse English-p2

Rising of NEETs

NEETS refers to the young people who are not involved in education, employment or training. Recently this year,
there is a the Hong Kong Social Welfare Department published a report stating that the number of Hong Kong NEETS
has largely escalated that may one day harm the city as they do not assimilate into society. In this report, we would
investigate this issue by finding out the culprits behind this phenomenon— the less reduced competitiveness of the
youth and the high self-esteem of them and suggest a feasible approach for this matter.

First and foremost, the occurrence of NEETS is primarily due to the a weaker competitiveness of Hong Kong
youngsters. Hong Kong, an affluent city Affluent cities like Hong Kong, it is are a magnets for people from all walks of
life to have further study in order to horn hone their skills and earn a better living. This These people are usually
equipped with a prominent curriculum vitae, a plentiful experience and have a distant eyesight. In the comparison
with the local adolescents, they have a tremendous supremacy which makes them easier to reap the employers’
recognition in the workplace. This As a result, more and better opportunities are given to these talented people.
Meanwhile, Hong Kong young people do not share the enormous social networks and are not as comprehensively
skilful was as do they are. Their position in the company begin to sway and are easy to be supplanted. In the long
term, as they cannot outpace those people, they are adhered to drop out from the work which causes an rising of
NEETs.

What makes the problem even worse is that the young people have high expectation of their job and refuse to be
involved in pursue an career they do not like. Given that the young people at large they are at large haveing a high
self-esteem, they do not want to work in a job with an deficit of interest regardless of that they are at the a crunch.
Thus, they succumb to have part-time jobs. Owing to the fact that they do not have a proper job, their income
plummets that so hardly that can they cannot maintain a qualified live life. As a result, they may find it tough to earn
a living and are deprived of hope. The situation exacerbates that they tend by driving them to become more of an
introvert, staying at home for lifelong doing nothing but indulging themselves in the virtual world where gives them
a sense of comfort and allows them to extricate from the cruel reality.

Thanks to the two scourges mentioned above, we now have an in-depth understanding of NEETs. In a bid Tto help
them, we suggest various solutions.

To commence with, we suggest holding a variety of workshops and activities for them to find their strengths and
sharpen their skills. The crime reason of being dismissed by superiors is because of the deficiency of a rich
experience and knowledge. It is feasible for the government or related departments to hold more workshops that
offer a multifaceted topics and skills like problem-solving skills and ability to hold some events.

To throughly enrich the young, the government can embolden them to have further study by providing subsidies for
them to have further study. It is universally acknowledged that the fees for further study is expensive that which
may burden normal citizens with financial difficulties. Therefore, they are more likely to remain the situation .
Nonetheless, as it is not an perpetual mean to cope with the shortfall of skills, if the government can subsidise their
study for a better future planning, more youngsters are encouraged to take up some courses, for instance, they may
have some English lessons which allow them to have a fluent communication with their clients. This act can
encourage young people to enhance their skills and competence.
116 | P a g e
The above measures are suitable and advisable to bring into play in order to cope with the rising of Hong Kong
NEETs. The problem of NEETs should not be neglected that citizens from all strata of society should make an
concerted effort in the midst of the raise of solving the problem of NEETs.

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  logicality (feasibility) of points can be better 6
 high relevance  idea of the 1st solution can be more well-
 well-developed ideas developed
 ideas are sophisticated and at some
parts creative
Language  grammar error-free  choice of certain words can be more 6
 wide range of vocabs and appropriate e.g. scourges, crunch
complexity of sentence structures  minor refinements of vocabs, phrases &
 great collocation expressions
 clear content delivery  minor inaccuracies e.g. a vs. an, inversion
 suitable and polite tone  overused words e.g. some
 rephrasing of repetitive ideas and pronouns
e.g. youngsters  adolescents, youth, job
seekers, employees etc.
Organization  cohesive ties and transitional  can adopt a more formal report format 6
paragraphs
 regular paragraph structural
framework & high cohesion
 fluent & logical flow
 opening (mentioning writing
purpose and topic covered) &
closing (future prospect)
Overall  pretty impressive vocab range and  more careful in feasibility of ideas and 6
language phrases language patterns
 good organization throughout the
report
 adequate elaboration of ideas

117 | P a g e
Speech – Careers Team Guest Speech

Question: You graduated from secondary school last year and you are currently studying at university. You have
been invited by the Careers Team of your secondary school to give a speech to S6 students, giving them advice on
how to prepare for the HKDSE, what to pay attention to when choosing what programme to study at university, how
to deal with pressure, etc. Writ the speech.

Advice On Preparing HKDSE And Future To S6 Students

Good morning Principal, all teachers and studentseveryone,

Greetings, everyone. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Chris Wong. As some of you might already recognize me,
I’m an alumnus of HKSS and currently studying Linguistics in CUHK. Today, I am glad that to be invited by the Careers
Team of my alma mater and have my opportunity to share my experience here to all of you today. Last year, I also
had my HKDSE exam and I know that it is how a difficult time it was to prepare for the exam. So, in the following 15
minutes, I am going to give you some tips for that I found useful when I was preparing for the HKDSE as following,
which might come in handy for you as well.

For one, when I was prepareing for the HKDSE, I had working always remind myself to take care on of my physical
health. It is important that you keep yourself health. If you were sick during the time of revision, it certainly will
cause you to have a slower study progress getting a slower process to study. As you know, it’s is quite hard to
concentrate on your working when you was were sick, you may feel sleepy and tired after having medicines. So,
keeping a strong body with good health is important. I used to have a jogging every day during my study leave period
every day, I know it maybe may be hard for you to spare your time from studying and you may think it’s is useless
now. But, it actually only takes about 30 minuets minutes to an hour for you to do a perform some physical
exercises. Some polls have resulted found that if you can allow yourself to have a short relax time from break in-
between working, it helps to raise the performance of your work.

Besides, you should might also want to keep your mental health in check, I once felt so stressed during before the
post-mock period, at the time, I had studiedying all day long and hadving so much pressure on studying, it turns out
that my result on the mock exam was not ideal. And it had even deepened my pressure. Miss Kong, our religious
studies teacher, whom I think you all know her, she has actually helped me a lot on my stress, after having the
release of mock exam result on the mock exam, she found that I have too much pressure so she has had a talk with
me to straighten me out of the pessimistic. She thought advised me that we can to pray and give our worries to god,
the god will help us to solve the problem and she always told me to share the problems I met during the revision
time to her. I did think that it is important that to find a person that you trust to talk with and share your worries to
him or her.

As I know that some of you are still uncertain for of choosing what programme to study at university, I’m am going
to give some advice for you to how to choose a programme that is suitable for you. First, it is important that you ding
locate your own area of interest on the programme, as an experienced person, I used to choose education as my first
choice, but after doing more research, I found that I am actually more suitable to study in Chinese. So it is important
to do more research on the programmes. If you are still not clear about what to choose, you can maydissuss discuss

118 | P a g e
with your family and teachers. They, whom I believe will might help with by giving you adviceinsights from another
perspective.

I know that most many of you must be feeling stressed on by the HKDSE exam. But please remember to relax
yourself, I know it is a hard time to get past but I hope that you all can stay strong and try your best, even ifit turns
outs that the result is not ideal that good, don’t give up, you can still find your dream in the future. At last, I am here
to hope that you all can get a good result and hope that my advice can help with your HKDSE exam.

Thank you.

Accomplishment Improvement/Issue (suggestion) Grade

Content  accomplish the task  choice of material 3
 relevant (talk about concrete preparation measures
e.g. revision tips in “how to prepare for
DSE”)
 give more in-depth elaboration
(give more concrete information e.g. What
exactly to look at when you decide whether
a programme is suitable for you, what
activities to do to relax)
Language  meanings are comprehensible  more careful with grammar accuracies e.g. 3
 moderate variety of sentence structures SVO structures, tenses, phrases,
 moderate range of vocabs prepositions
 widen vocabulary variety
(use synonyms to replace repetitive words
e.g. Important
o essential
o significant
o crucial
o a key factor)
 clearer expression
 tone more conversational
 add more language features of speech
o short forms
o interrogative negative
o question tags
Organization  cohesive ties & transitions  smoother transitions & adding back 4
 regular framework adopted for each transitions when needed
paragraph (TP-elab-conclusion)  opening & closing can suit the settings more
 appropriate opening & closing e.g. “I am
glad”, “thank you”
Overall  can think about how it would really be if it 3
is a real speech

119 | P a g e
Story – Power Shortage of Department Store

Topic: Power failure

One evening while you were shopping in a large department store, a power failure happened. Write the story.

It is universally acknowledged common knowledge that Li Yu Mun department store is a high-class department store
which is hailed as the best department store in Hong Kong. However, one evening, while I was shopping in Li Yu Mun
department store, a power failure happened! It let me down because I used to be confident of faithful in the
standard of service of this department store……

When I was choosing a birthday present for my grandmother in the department store, all of a sudden, the lights
went off and the department store was then in complete darkness. The power failure has put quite a few customers
in a predicament bewilderment. I heard several people in the same aisle gasped simultaneously. All people Some
were groaning unpleasantly about the preposterous situation. A little boy yelled frightenedly ‘Mum! Where are you?
I am so afraid! Why I can’t see you?' in a childish voice. Some people screamed and while some people others
attempted to cracked down on locate which floor the store manager of the department store was on. And As for me,
I thought it was an astonishingly provoking! The department store was packed with thousands of people! It was
extremely hard to move. Some people tried to turn on their mobile phones for torches illumination and while I was

120 | P a g e
at the point of taking my mobile phone from my handbag, I remember that I have left it inside my locker. I was in
complete panic not only because of the scary plight, but also the lost loss of my mobile phone. As a result, I just
could stand there with strangers for more than 3 hours.

Suddenly, the manager stood in front of us with torches with give giving out bright light. However, I was not happy
to see the light again as the manager was pointing his torch towards my eyes. After a while, the manager spoke in a
not quite friendly manner: 'Dear customers, the power failure will be handled as soon as possible. So sorry for
causing inconvenience! Please keep quiet and wait patiently!' Then, he went away. Some people yelled and asked
the manager to report the condition, but he did not turn back. I believed he was a deaf person.

A couple of hours has passed. I was extremely exhausted and tried to find a place to have a rest while I had to be
careful that I would not hurt the others. I eventually found a place that not much people were there not so crowded
spot. Suddenly, some terrible smell come to my nose. Was it the chicken or beef inside the fridge which had gone
back bad? Or it was was it the smell of the people next to me as I heard somebody's boyfriend or husband said:
'Darling, you have sweated a lot, calm down! I will be with you…...' It made me want to vomit, not because of the
disgusting words the man had said, but the smell from likely the frozen food or sweat. Therefore, I could not
withstand it the smell was unbearable and I had to find another place again. At the time, I could experience the life
of a blind people. It was really a hardship! As a result, I learned that we should help the blind people in our daily life!

121 | P a g e
After so many hours, the lights were on again. Thousands of people flocked to the exit and left for home. The
security guard just simply stood near the exit and averted himself from the problems. His face made me think that
he was pretending he was blind. This incident has aroused much controversy among different people. Some people
thought that it was not the fault of the managements of the department store while some people stood on an the
other side and tried to take some photos of the department store to post this irritating incident on the social media
sites and told their friends not to come to this department store anymore. No doubt, I was the latter. After some
time, a woman went to the manager and asked the manager why this ridiculous situation would happen such a large
department store. He answered with a snobbish attitude: 'Madam, we are not expecting this kind of accidents too, it
is just an accident! Certainly not our fault! Okay? Also, if you are not happy with this, don’t come!' His attitude was
intolerable. Nevertheless, the woman had no way to complaint about this by virtue of the truth that he was the
largest one among all the managements who are presented there on that day. I was so irritated! If I had had brought
my phone, I would have taken much photos of the manager and complained his attitude of service. Then, I came
down on the manager loudly: 'Hey! sir, I think we all have rights to know the truth! No matter whether it is your
company's fault or not, you should not talk to the customers in this way, right? Please apologise to this madam. ' I
saw some people around me nod their heads. However the manager was not only unwilling to apologize, but he also
blamed me that I was disturbing other customers and called the security guard to bring me out from the department
store. As a result, that is the moment that I decided to write a letter of complaint to the owner of the owner of the
department store to express my strong disappointment.

'It was a sarcastic and infuriating experience and I will not go shopping there anymore unless the manager and is
willing to apologise and enhance improve his snobbish attitude.' I thought. Oh! It was 9:00 pm already! My mother
were was waiting at me for dinner. She would have been must be so worried about me. I had to hurry up ……

(847 words)

Comments

Hello there :) I will talk about the writing in 3 main areas below. As there is sometimes a range of level for a
particular area, the level underlined is the one I think that is more probable.

Content Level 4/3

You have accomplished the task of composing a short story with the topic of power shortage. Overall framework is
clear with fundamental elements mostly present, including the parts of beginning, development, and ending.
Description of various scenarios are mostly sufficient and depicted with the great use of dialogue, actions and facial
expression. For example, the personality features of the manager are very clear and memorable in this story with the
help of his dialogues. Also, the flow of the entire writing is comprehensible and there are parts that show “my”
feelings in regard to certain actions from other characters. The writing mostly makes sense.

122 | P a g e
Scattered Focus and Non-unidirectional Flow

However, it is also noticeable that there is a lack of fully developed conflicts in this story and an apparent climax.
Those are two important components of a story and can be more complete here. They give rise to a fuller plot as
well as build on emotions and atmosphere step by step, which can lead readers to have an interest to keep
discovering what is ahead, sometimes this invisible force of controlling the direction under the surface is called
“tension”. Here is what I gathered from the main plot:

 lights out, panics everywhere but I am more angry than shocked or frightened
 I forgot to bring my phone
 I had to stand in the crowd for 3 hours under darkness
 The manager came to tell what is happening unfriendly and rudely
 I attempted to look for spots for rest but foul smell came
 Lights came back on, manager refused to admit his company’s fault
 I was determined to complain but I suddenly remembered it was already late

The relationship between sub-plot is not strong enough and not interlocked. There is not much relationship between
different parts of your experience. It would be more coherent and integral if you address the question in an
alternative method, preferably developing the plot in a traditional straight forward way. Otherwise the development
can seem un-purposely complicated and incomprehensible.

An example is

The Beginning

 Choosing between gifts on 4th floor

 Lights out, panics

The Development

 Sound of slashing plastics and glass shattering (unexpected and strange occurrence)
 Opening torch app from phone
 A middle-aged lady swiftly put groceries into her trolley/backpack (conflict)
 Shocked and yelled for help (conflict)
 She fled as fast as she could and disappeared (development of plot)
 Went on to find the thief with other determined customers
 Searched for her floor by floor
 Smelled a distinctive fruity smell of some jam on the 3 rd floor, which is for foreign imported edibles
 Suspected and detected origin of smell
 Sound of footsteps nearby
 Managed to catch her successfully with others (with some processes to depict the exact situation)
(Climax)

The Ending

 About same moment, lights went back and people came over, also greeted by others
 Given a medal for righteous behaviour

As you can see, one of the basic criterion of a plot is that it is coherent and smooth with components interlocked
with each other. Some details are not exactly described since this is only a raw blueprint of idea but you see the
123 | P a g e
point. Regardless of this, markers of short stories typically are very sensitive to plot holes that even some minor
details not explained clearly can be considered as one. Since it is a short story, objectivity values very much here
which is also the reason why short story is not a popular choice for most people. It needs a high familiarity with how
short stories work, especially the arrangement of storyline, and a great range of specifically verbs, adjectives and
adverbs etc. to make a piece to be of high grade. It really takes much work.

For suggestion, I have to say the most effective way is to find some stories of similar difficulty to feel more how is a
story usually constructed. Reading analysis of such in textbooks or other sources can also help.

Level 3 is due to the major inconsistency of story while level 4 might also be possible due to some moderate vocabs
are used to depict the situation. All in all, the disturbances in storyline is really prominent and make an impression of
unclear flow of thoughts.

Language Level 5/4

Sentences structurers are various as well as tenses. Past tenses are used correctly with a range of variations. No
major inconsistencies in language or prominent grammatical errors. In fact, the grammar is great. Cohesive devices
including linkage phrases are used appropriately to ensure a fluent flow of development or transition in terms of
language. There are also vocabularies for description of emotion or situation.

Tone

Tone is usually a minor matter but beware of whether the way you use it will twist its meaning or misinterpret your
intended meaning. I can see there are times that the tone is forcefully sarcastic which does not suit and follow the
tone above. Another case is that you try to create an impression that the entire corporation is inferior in quality no
matter in employee attitude or security guard alertness, the tone has changed in nature and contradict with other
parts. Language is not sensitive enough which can also be disadvantageous in writing stories.

The usage of vocabs can be more accurate but that is relatively minor here.

Level 5 is for the generally smooth expression of ideas while it also can be level 4 for the tone.

Organization Level 4/3

The overall linking between sentences or within paragraphs is okay but as aforementioned, there is a great area for
improvement in arrangement of plot materials which is also the same reason for probably level 3 in organization
(which is another area short stories value more).

Uneven distribution of main focus and details in length is also a drawback.

Overall Level 4/3

Generally, it is a fairly acceptable story which tells the experience of “me” in a department store under power
shortage, which should be some highlight or appealing plot in the main part. It can fall short of being overly ordinary
without creative idea. Apart from that, your ability of expressing in the aspect of language is quite steady and strong,
that is your strength and overall this writing shows potential in some aspect too.

Reading more similar stories will help. If you have any other question, you can also ask me ga, add oil :)

124 | P a g e
Personal Statements
BU Film Studies Personal Statement

My everlasting passion for film studies is a long marathon which first began during the early stages of my cognitive
development. in my formative years. During then, I was a frequent customer of Fanling Cinema, an old-style non-
digital cinema. This local 3rd grades historic building was the symbol of my childhood and it further developed as a
reflection of my rising aspiration today.

I would consider myself as an active person. I enjoy doing sports, and art is always something that I could relate to.
The truck of My zeal for film-making exploration was started budded when I joined the Drama Club from in-school
drama clubs I participated in FLSS. It is nothing fancy about the little performances we created, yet the amusement of
experiencing mental activities of different characters was remarkably profound to a high school student in a
standardized force-feeding education. In 2015, I joined an the RTHK TV programme commissioning for an episode.
As being a young actress, I personally was amazed by the seamless cooperation of the crew witnessed the cooperation
of teamwork. It was eye-opening to see how the massive efforts of crew team is translated into a XX-minute scene.
What I enjoy the most The most refreshing element in this experience was the warmth and creativity of the entire crew
human connection and creativity of this field; Rather than describing it merely as teamwork to describe it as
teamwork, I would put out the word prefer the term “human warmth” (人情味). To this day, I still remember the little
inside jokes between my makeup artist and me. that I keep with the makeup artist about my personality. In this elitism
society, I found a field with people simply doing what they are passionate about.

125 | P a g e
In order to broaden my horizon for my future career, I decided to study abroad in Vancouver Island, one of the biggest
backstage of Hollywood. During my X-year study, I had the opportunity to connect with people from multicultural
background and the process of exchanging ideas on topics such as XXX (smth about film) was thought-provoking. I
believe that my overseas experience has provided me new perspectives in comparing Western and Eastern cinematic
productions. I enjoyed being part of the community and making connection connecting with people from multicultural
background, as it is thought-provoking to receive and share ideas with others. Also, I volunteered at the Esquimalt
Recreation Centre, where I taught sewing to children. In order to develop my critical thought about sense on
contemporary society, I participated in joined the Model United Nations as one of the candidates for the Social,
Humanitarian & Cultural Committee at Cahsmun. The discussion about the Xinjiang and Tibet It was an invaluable
opportunity for me to participate in the discussion on the cultural orientation of Xinjiang and Tibet. In addition, we
reviewed on how cultural background of a nation influences a country’s position and character in its role in tackling
global issues. On the other hand, my knowledge in study of Social Studies and History in two countries has given me
the opportunity equipped me with techniques of contrasting historical events at an ideological angle and insights on
topics such as World War I. to contrast the different visions of historical events resulting from the contrasting
ideologies of the countries. It is easy to recognize the different views on certain topics, such as World War I. This
educational difference on reveals a little bit more about the different perspective from western movies and eastern
production.

126 | P a g e
CityU Social Work Personal Statement

The City University of Hong Kong is a university with a simple spirit and also the hard work that advocates
enthusiasm and independence, which I believe it is a good spirit are essentials we should always hoeld in our livfes,
so. I sincerely hope I can may study in City University in the future. When it comes to sSocial wWork, people will
probably think it is often stigmatized as a dull job as the assistance we provide might be is endless. But, I do enjoy
the feeling of helping people and I think I am consider myself patient enough to devote myself to solve the problems
of the needy. I love sharing, I love and listening to others’ sharing. , doing To me, these little things can really help
make a difference in someone’s life, whatever whether it is for the a mental patient, an elderly, or a stressful
students or those different people. Furthermore, I am also a communicative person, I have to be was often the
communicator between my frustrated mother and stressful father, they who have arguements consistent from time
to time, and I have to would try my best to counsel them one by one. During the interaction, I feel satisfiedy after
solving their problems. Not just because they are my parents, the main reason is that it is because I do love the
feeling of helping people. Knowing that secondary schooling education is in no way adequate for my future career
development, I believe that there is no better way to receive the City University of Hong Kong can provide
comprehensive tertiary education to and polish my critical thinking and counselling skills by tertiary education. My I
aim is to use everything the knowledge and experiences I get in acquire from university to contribute to requite the
society. and In order to achieve the aim, I would like to choose to be honoured to able to study in Social Work here
in the future. 

Solving the social problems like such as poverty is not never an easy work, but I am convinced that even a single step
of all of us can help the underprivileged and the disadvantaged a little bit more, therefore I play an active role in
voluntary work. I grab every golden opportunity of being a volunteer, ranging from visiting the elderly with suicide
history, being a helper in a carnival, teaching the elderly basic computer basic skills through ‘Elder Academy
Scheme’, to selling flags. Engaging in those such charity works would give really gave me more opportunities to
contribute to the society get in touch with the unprivileged in society and I am trained to be me to be a more
considerate person. I could understand empathize people’s needs and do not hesitate when communicatinge with
strangers without any hesitations. I have taken an active part in community volunteer services. In April 2016, I was
trained by the a social worker from the Suicide Prevention Services to be a volunteer, and after the training, we have
need to visit the elderly living in the an elderly center and the homes of the elderly those who has the with a past
suicide history in the past. Fortunately, they are were willing to share their private life storieswith me. What’s is
more, I found lots of the discerned certain difficulties of the elderly that they encountered in daily life, and I came to
acknowledge that not a single visiting visits alone might not be adequate could in helping them to solve their
problems, for instance, we could not help them to were not able to help relieve their lonelinessy and mad negative
emotions merely through a few hours of chatting. Therefore, I hope I could become a social worker one day to help
the disadvantaged in a more resourceful way. From Personally knowing some the disadvantaged group individuals
in the society, I found that I am already a lucky one in the society that I can person for being able to learn, play or do
the things I want. So, I think in that sense, I have the responsibilities to contribute back to the society. and I believe
that Mmy passion and enthusiasm will force power me to devote my life to social work. 

Being I consider myself as a friendly, optimistic and helpful person, which is are the reasons why people would like
find me easy to approach and to make friends with me. I love to listening to others and sharing with them, this which
areis also a necessary part components between the a client and the a social worker., Tthrough the interaction, the
social workers could understand the most of the identify their clients’ chief concerns and personality client, and
provide the appropriate help to them, but I believe that the most important thing element withinside the
interaction is to provide careing and love to the client and in order to let them feel, that they are not just merely a
client of a social worker, but also a friend of the social work them. 

 
127 | P a g e
I hope I can to be able to receive all-round education, and enrich my problem-solving, counselling and
communication skills, as well as polish my critical thinking techniques. I firmly believe that the knowledge which that
I will get acquire from the learning opportunities and the experiences provided by the institution of the tertiary
education, can help equip me well to contribute to the society in my field of work. , I believe my life in the
foreseeable future will be bright.

128 | P a g e