TO THE LEARNERS

Here are some reminders as you use this module:

✓
Use the module with care especially in turning each page.
✓
Be reminded to answer the Pre-Test before moving on to the
Learning Module.
✓
Read and comprehend the directions in every exercise.
✓
Observe honesty in answering the tests and exercises.
✓
Do not put unnecessary mark/s on any part of this material.
✓
Try to finish a given activity before proceeding to the next.
 9
Building and
Maintaining
Relationship
s
Personal Relationships

MYRA R. CAERMARE, Ed.D.

Copyright 2019
1
 WHAT IS THIS MODULE ALL ABOUT?

This module serves as a learning resource material in understanding the

target competency expected in the curriculum.

TOPIC
Personal Relationship

CONTENT STANDARD
The learners demonstrate an understanding of the
dynamics of attraction, love, and commitment

LEARNING COMPETENCY

EsP-PD11/12PR-IIa-9.1-2

The presented activities or exercises and texts are developed

in order to meet the following objective:

• Discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the

acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions, and
expressing ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment.

2
 PRE-TEST

Read the following items carefully. Write

the letter of your answer.

1.Which describes you?

A. Smart
B. Funny
C. Charismatic
D. Funny

2. Has anyone ever cheated in the relationship?

A. Yes
B. No
C. Once or twice
D. I haven’t caught him / her red handed

3. Are friends with benefits truly friends?

A. Yes
B. No
C. Complicated
D. None of the above

4. Which of these is a means of expression when missing an ex-partner?

A. Remembering the bad
B. Looking bad objectively
C. Staying busy
D. Writing letters, you will never send

5. What is the hardest pain of missing an ex-partner?

A. Loneliness
B. Memories
C. Rejection
D. Boredom

5. Which of the these is a positive effect of relationship break-ups?

A. Boredom
B. Self-pity
C. Self-discovery
D. Self-love

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6. What is the conventional way of starting any conversation?
A. Hi!
B. Great!
C. Babe!
D. Good Day!

7. Which of these is important if you want a long-term commitment?

A. Personality
B. Looks
C. Interests
D. Fashion sense

8. Which is not a characteristic of intimate relationships?

A. Trust
B. Self-acceptance
C. Self-disclosure
D. Emotional attachment

9. Which refers to friendship as a form of relationship?

A. Being with others and not just thinking of yourself
B. Saying “yes” always to be accepted by your friends
C. Having a lot of friends
D. Mingling with friends

10. Which is a form of relationship characterized by a mutually

satisfying relationship of sharing of caring and sharing?
A. Romantic relationship
B. Friendship
C. Personal relationship
D. Close friends

4
 LET’S SEE WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW

Love is….

The purpose of this activity is to:

• Introduce the concept of healthy relationships.
• Show that we may define love in different ways – but no matter how
many definitions love has, abuse is not one of them.

Materials:
• Large piece of butcher paper
• Easel/wall and tape
• Markers

1. Draw a giant heart on a large piece of paper.

2. Post the heart on the wall and have markers available for activity.
3. Write the words “Love is…” above the heart.
4. Invite each student to provide definitions that answer the phrase “Love
is…” by soliciting ideas from the class until the heart appears to be
mostly full.

Discussions:
• Talking about healthy relationships with youth often resonates better
than addressing dating abuse directly. These conversations can allow
students to open up about what are healthy, unhealthy, and abusive
behaviors. Be sure to encourage sharing and supporting naming
positive behaviors. This is a great, quick activity that’s good for groups
of all sizes.
• The activity is easy to set up and can be done in most spaces, with a
wide age range.

Guide Questions:
1. What types of words are listed in our heart?
• Are there any that appear a lot or multiple times?
• What kind of words are these?
2. Is there anything you don’t see in this heart?
• How do these words make you feel? Not make you feel?
• Is there anything you were unsure of whether it should be in the
heart?

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3. Why are there so many different words?
• Are there words you disagree with?
3. Can there be love in an abusive relationship?
• Is that a reason to stay in the relationship? Why or why not?
4. Define abusive, unhealthy, and healthy behaviors.
• Are there words about abuse in the heart?
• Are there unhealthy words?
• Are there other factors that might impact whether a word is healthy
or unhealthy?

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 LET’S LEARN

Personal Relationship

• What is Personal Relationship?

• Why personal relationships are important?
• Ways to Become a Responsible in a Relationship

What Are Personal Relationships?

Personal relationships in the workplace are relationships that are outside

the formal, involuntary interactions co-workers have with one another as a
requirement of their jobs. Personal relationships can range from friendships
to intimate relationships to acrimonious relationships.

The concept of "relationships and family" is broad and varies from person to
person. What you mean by relationship is unique to you, but most people do
think of a state of connectedness, especially an emotional connection.

In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between

people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often
grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.

Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy
and benefit from them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice, and
social support. In our model there are three kinds of personal relationships.

Family
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of
relationships, but this varies greatly from person to person. The Bureau of
the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption and who live together as one household." But many
people have family they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by
love, and the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your
own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a family are support, mutual
trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense
of community. Although the concept of "family" is one of the oldest in
human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three
decades. Non-traditional family structures and roles can provide as much
comfort and support as traditional forms

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Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often
built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional
bonding. Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need. Nicholas
Christakis and James Fowler, social-network researchers and authors of the
book Connected, find that the average person has about six close ties—
though some have more, and many have only one or none.

Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—research indicates
that a large online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having a few close,
real-life friends.

Partnership
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed
between two people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and
romantic love. We usually experience this kind of relationship with only one
person at a time

Basic Rights in a Relationship

From Patricia Evans' The Verbally Abusive Relationship:

• The right to emotional support

• The right to be heard by the other and to respond
• The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from
your partner's
• The right to have your feelings and experiences
acknowledged as real
• The right to live free from accusation and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered

In addition to these basic relationships’ rights, consider how you can

develop patience, honesty, kindness, and respect.

Patience:

Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are times when

others will respond to us in a way that is disappointing. When this occurs,
it important to communicate our disappointment, but also to give the other
person space.

Be willing to give the person some time to reflect, indicating that you are ready
to talk when they are ready. If the person is never ready to discuss the

8
situation, you may need professional help to resolve the issue, or ask
yourself whether or not you want to continue the relationship.

Honesty:

Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships. To build

honesty in a relationship, you should communicate your feelings openly,
and expect the other person to do the same. Over time, this builds trust.

Kindness:

Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy relationships.

You need to be considerate of others' feelings and other people need to be
considerate of yours. Be kind when you communicate. Kindness will nurture
your relationships. Note that being kind does not necessarily mean being
nice.

Respect:

Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you don't have

respect for another person, it will have a negative impact on all of your
interactions. Think of a time when you encountered someone who didn't
respect you. How did it feel? What are some ways that you show respect to
others?

Why Personal Relationships Are Important?

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and wellbeing. There is

compelling evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy,
and happy life. Conversely, the health risks from being alone or isolated in
one's life are comparable to the risks associated with cigarette smoking,
blood pressure, and obesity. Research shows that healthy relationships can
help you:

• Live longer. A review of 148 studies found that people with strong social
relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner’s
Blue Zones research calculates that committing to a life partner can add 3
years to life expectancy (Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler
have found that men’s life expectancy benefits from marriage more than
women’s do.)

• Deal with stress. The support offered by a caring friend can provide a buffer
against the effects of stress. In a study of over 100 people, researchers found
that people who completed a stressful task experienced a faster recovery when

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they were reminded of people with whom they had strong relationships.
(Those who were reminded of stressful relationships, on the other hand,
experienced even more stress and higher blood pressure.)

• Be healthier. According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen, college

students who reported having strong relationships were half as likely to
catch a common cold when exposed to the virus. In addition, 2012
international Gallup poll found that people who feel they have friends and
family to count on are generally more satisfied with their personal health
than people who feel isolated. And hanging out with healthy people
increases your own likelihood of health—in their book Connected,
Christakis and Fowler show that non-obese people are more likely to have
non-obese friends because healthy habits spread through our social
networks.

• Feel richer. A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research of

5,000 people found that doubling your group of friends has the same effect
on your wellbeing as a 50% increase in income!

On the other hand, low social support is linked to a number of health

consequences, such as:

• Depression. Loneliness has long been commonly associated with

depression, and now research is backing this correlation up: a 2012 study
of breast cancer patients found that those with fewer satisfying social
connections experienced higher levels of depression, pain, and fatigue.

• Decreased immune function. The authors of the same study also found a
correlation between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning that
a lack of social connections can increase your chances of becoming sick.

• Higher blood pressure. University of Chicago researchers who studied a

group of 229 adults over five years found that loneliness could predict
higher blood pressure even years later, indicating that the effects of isolation
have long-lasting consequences.

According to psychiatrists Jacqueline Old’s and Richard Schwartz, social

alienation is an inevitable result of contemporary society's preoccupation with
materialism and frantic "busy-ness." Their decades of research support the idea
that a lack of relationships can cause multiple problems with physical,
emotional, and spiritual health. The research is clear and devastating: isolation
is fatal. Source: http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/enhance-your-
wellbeing/relationships/whypersonal

10
Ways to Become a Responsible in a Relationship

Relationships aren't static—they are living, dynamic aspects of our lives that
require attention and care. In order to benefit from strong connections with
others, you should take charge of your relationships and put in the time and
energy you would any other aspect of your wellbeing.

Connect with your family

One of the biggest challenges for families to stay connected is the busy pace
of life. But Blue Zones research states that the healthiest, longest-living
people in the world all have something in common: they put their families
first. Family support can provide comfort, support, and even influence better
health outcomes while you are sick. Relationships and family author Mimi
Doe recommend connecting with family by letting little grievances go,
spending time together, and expressing love and compassion to one another.
Of course, the same practices apply to close friends as well. This is
especially important if you don’t have living family, or have experienced
difficult circumstances, such as abuse, that would make it difficult for you
to connect with your relatives.

Practice gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most accessible positive emotions, and its

effects can strengthen friendships and intimate relationships. One 2010
study found that expressing gratitude toward a partner can strengthen the
relationship, and this positive boost is felt by both parties—the one who
expresses gratitude and the one who receives it. Remembering to say “thank
you” when a friend listens or your spouse brings you a cup of coffee can set
off an upward spiral of trust, closeness, and affection.

Learn to forgive It’s normal for disagreements or betrayal to arise in

relationships, but your choice about how to handle the hurt can have a
powerful effect on the healing process. Choosing to forgive can bring about a
variety of benefits, both physical and emotional. Fred Luskin, head of the
Stanford Forgiveness Project, says it’s easier to let go of the anger or hurt
feelings associated with a circumstance if you remind yourself that much of
your distress is really coming from the thoughts and feelings you are having
right now while remembering the event—not the event itself. Don’t be afraid
to clearly articulate why you are upset, but once the other party has
listened, be willing to lay down your anger and move on.

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Be compassionate

Compassion is the willingness to be open to yourself and others, even

in painful times, with a gentle, nonjudgmental attitude. When you feel
compassionate toward another person—whether a romantic partner, friend,
relative, or colleague—you open the gates for better communication and a
stronger bond. This doesn’t mean taking on the suffering of others, or
absorbing their emotions. Rather, compassion is the practice of recognizing
when someone else is unhappy or whose needs aren’t being met and feeling
motivated to help them. We are an imitative species: when compassion is
shown to us, we return it.

Accept others

It is also important to be accepting of the other person in the

relationship. Obviously, this does not apply in situations of abuse or
unhealthy control, where you need foremost to protect yourself. But
otherwise, try to understand where the person is coming from rather than
judge them. As you do for yourself, have a realistic acceptance of the other's
strengths and weaknesses and remember that change occurs over time.

Create rituals together

With busy schedules and the presence of online social media that offer
the façade of real contact, it’s very easy to drift from friends. In order to
nurture the closeness and support of friendships, you have to make an
effort to connect. Gallup researcher Tom Rath has found that people who
deliberately make time for gatherings or trips enjoy stronger relationships
and more positive energy. An easy way to do this is to create a standing
ritual that you can share and that doesn’t create more stress—talking on
the telephone on Fridays, for example, or sharing a walk during lunch
breaks, are ways to keep in contact with the ones you care about the most.

Spend the right amount of time together

Gallup researchers Jim Harter and Raksha Arora found that people
who spend 67 hours per day socializing (which could mean hanging out with
friends, sharing meals with family, or even emailing a colleague) tend to be
the happiest. In contrast, those who have zero interactions (or an
exhausting overload of social time) feel more stressed.

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Signs of Healthy Relationship

Relationships are a necessary part of healthy living, but there is no such

thing as a perfect relationship. Relationships, from acquaintances to
romances, have the potential to enrich our lives and add to our enjoyment of
life. However, these same relationships can cause discomfort, and
sometimes even cause harm (see statistics from the American Bar
Association). Take a few minutes to learn more about how to protect yourself
from developing unhealthy relationships.

What makes a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on:

• Mutual respect
• Trust
• Honesty
• Support
• Fairness/equality
• Separate identities
• Good communication
• A sense of playfulness/fondness
All of these things take work. Each relationship is most likely a combination
of both healthy and unhealthy characteristics. Relationships need to be
maintained and healthy relationships take work. This applies to all
relationships; work relationships, friendships, family, and romantic
relationships.

While in an unhealthy relationship you:

• Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner
• Feel pressure to change who you are for the other person
• Feel worried when you disagree with the other person
• Feel pressure to quit activities you usually/used to enjoy
• Pressure the other person into agreeing with you or changing to suit
you better
• Notice one of you has to justify your actions (e.g., where you go,
who you see)
• Notice one partner feels obligated to have sex or has been forced
• Have a lack of privacy, and may be forced to share everything with
the other person
• You or your partner refuse to use safer sex methods
• Notice arguments are not settled fairly
• Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument
• Attempt to control or manipulate each other
• Notice your partner attempts to controls how you dress and
criticizes your behaviors
• Do not make time to spend with one another

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• Have no common friends, or have a lack of respect for each
others’ friends and family
• Notice an unequal control of resources (e.g., food, money, home,
car, etc.)
• Experience a lack of fairness and equality
• Accept influence. Relationships are give and take; allowing your
partner to influence you is important; this can be especially
difficult for some men.
• Resolve conflict fairly: Fighting is part of even healthy relationships;
the difference is how the conflict is handled. Fighting fairly is an
important skill you help you have healthier relationships.

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 LET’S TRY THIS AND SELF-CHECK

Activity: Stay/Talk/Go

The purpose of this activity is to:

• Put students in the shoes of someone deciding ‘what they would do’ in a given
situation. By doing this, the activity teaches healthy decision-making, empathy, and allows
students to determine their own values in a relationship.
• The activity introduces students to behaviors within a dating relationship that could
be defined as healthy, unhealthy, or abusive.
• Encourage young people to communicate and define healthy and unhealthy
behaviors themselves, even though students may not classify behaviors the same way.

Materials:
• Dating relationship cards
• Butcher paper

Note
• This activity is more sensitive than others, and therefore would work best with a group of
students that are familiar with each other and have built some trust and group identity.
• Encourage conversation about disagreements, without singling out individual students
for ‘wrong’ decisions.

Steps:
1. Set ground rules for respect in the group to promote a safe space.
2. Distribute at least one dating relationship card (see “Preparation”) to each student in the
class.
3. Explain that each card contains an example of a behavior that might be present in a dating
relationship.
4. Instruct each student to read the card and consider what they might do if that action were
occurring in their relationship: “stay together” “let’s talk about it” or “it’s over.”
5. Have each student read their card out loud and tell the rest of the group which category
they think the behavior should be placed in and why.
6. Record each response by category on paper or the board as students go around.
7. At each card, facilitate a short conversation. Allow students to make suggestions as to what
they may or may not do and why.

Guide Questions:
1. Define healthy, unhealthy, and abusive.
2. After looking over the “It’s over” category, is it always easy to end a relationship?
• Why or why not?
• What could some barriers be to leaving an abusive relationship?
• What barriers do people at your school face to leaving an abusive or unhealthy
relationship?

15
3. Which category did we talk about the most?
• Why do you think that was?
4.Which cards may be warning signs of abusive relationships?
• Do we disagree on any?
5.Is it okay that different people wanted two different categories for behaviors?
• How would you talk about a disagreement like this with a friend? Or partner?

16
 LET’S STUDY AND ANALYZE THESE

“Real-World”

1.Describe how you express your attraction for someone.

2. Describe how you express your love for another person and how you
show your commitment to this person or persons.

17
 POST TEST

Read the following items carefully. Write the

letter of your answer.

1. It is defined as "Two or more people who share goals and values, have
long-term commitments to one another and reside usually in the
same dwelling.
A. Family
B. Friends
C. Partnership
D. Lovers

2. Who, from the following list, would you likely trust to keep
your vulnerabilities secret?
A. your friend
B. Your doctor
C. Your lover
D. Your accountant

3. The following statement are the basic rights in a relationship except?

A. The right to emotional support
B. The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
C. The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered
D. The right not to be heard by your love one

4. It can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often

built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and
emotional bonding.
A. Family
B. Friends
C. Partnership
D. Lovers

5. In a relationship, it is necessary to develop attributes including

straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating,
theft, etc.
A. Patience
B. Honesty
C. Kindness
D. Respect

18
6. When this occurs, it important to communicate our disappointment,
but also to give the other person space
A. Patience
B. Honesty
C. Kindness
D. Respect

7. It seems like a meaningful and powerful word. but in the context of

relating to the beliefs of others, the most basic and fitting definition is
to have “due regard” for the other person’s beliefs.
A. Patience
B. Honesty
C. Kindness
D. Respect

8. Which of the following is a characteristic of a healthy relationship?

A. Have a lack of privacy
B. Feel pressure
C. Good communication
D. Neglecting others

9. A willingness to be open to yourself and others, even in painful times,

with a gentle, nonjudgmental attitude.
A. Compassion
B. Gratitude
C. Forgiveness
D. Sympathy

10. It is one of the most accessible positive emotions, and its effects can
strengthen friendships and intimate relationships.
A. Empathy
B. Gratitude
C. Forgiveness
D. Respect

19
 LET’S REMEMBER

• Personal relationship refers to close connections between people,

formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow
from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.

• Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully
enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information, inspiration,
practice, and social support. In our model there are three kinds of
personal relationships, family, friendship, and partnerships.

• In addition to these basic relationships’ rights, consider how you can

develop patience, honesty, kindness, and respect.

• There are ways to become a responsible in a relationship, connect

with your family, Practice gratitude, be compassionate, accept others,
create rituals together, spend the right amount of time together

20
 REFERENCES

Personal Development, Diwa Senior High School Series Personal

Development, Rex Books Store, Ricardo Rubio Santos
Personality Development and Human Relations. 1996 Edition by Soledad E.
Avelino and Custodiosa A. Sanchez
https://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/Break%20the%20Cycle%
20Activity%20Guides.pdfhttps://www.ksde.org/Portals/0/CSAS/Content%
20Area%20(F-
L)/Family%20and%20Consumer%20Sciences/FCS_Resources/Unit%203--
Personal%20Family%20and%20Relationship%20Planning.pdf?ver=2014-11-
03-075736-803
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-do-we-mean-personal-
relationships#
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-do-we-mean-personal-
relationships
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/nurture-your-relationships
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/nurture-your-relationships
http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-
unhealthy-relationships/

21
 This module maybe adopted, modified and
reproduced for educational purposes with appropriate
credit to the author.
For inquiries, feedback and suggestions, please
contact the author through the Division Learning
resource Supervisor at Tel. No. _________________ and/or
email address ________________ @deped.gov.ph

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