aJordan Melton

English 1050

December 5, 2020

Cultural Identity: How Religion Has Played A Role In My Life

For this project I decided to analyze the way religion has impacted my life. I am writing

this as a personal story and will not be providing any other sources. I am the only source.

I was born and raised in the Mormon religion. I was born of parents who were very strict

when it came to following and obeying all things pertaining to the church. I was to go every

Sunday, even if I was sick, as no excuses would be good enough to not attend. Following

commandments, guidelines, principles, leaders, and teachings were a must. Religion was a

priority.

As a kid, I was so used to it that it seemed right and there were no negative feelings. As I

grew in age, I became more unsure of how I really felt. I felt guilty, as if something was wrong

with me. I felt as though I was a bad person for not wanting to attend church. I believed the

teachings, so it’s not that I was a non-believer. I was planning on spending my whole life the

way I was raised to.

My father passed away in my early teens. As I went to church, I heard multiple

discouraging things from leaders of my church. These people, who I spent every Sunday with,

who taught me, who I listened to my whole life, said things that broke me. As I heard these

things, I instantly “woke up”. I began listening to everything that was being told to me and it

built disappointment, as I felt I had been lied to.

 I then began to rebel, fighting my hardest to not have to go to church. I would talk to

friends in the hall, go find my mom to talk to, or would simply pretend I was super sick trying to

avoid going at all costs. I became sick of feeling forced to go and my anger grew. I blamed the

church for everything, which looking back was not right to do.

Eventually, I stopped going. My mom had given up on forcing me to be there. She knew

where my heart was at and knew she could push me no longer. I can safely say, this life change

grew harder and harder on me. It definitely put wear and tear on me emotionally and spiritually.

After leaving, I felt alone. Nearly all my friends were really involved in the church and it felt like

they couldn’t accept me after I had left it. Every discussion to me, felt church related. I felt guilty

and like I was an outcast.

Everyone acted like I had bad values and morals. I was the same person, but all because I

didn’t sit in a building every Sunday, they treated me like I was a bad person. I was judged not

by who I was, but who I was suspected of being for not attending religious practices.

This is where age and lifestyle began to play their parts. After a certain amount of time, I

finally felt at peace with life again. I was counted as an “adult” and felt the freedom I have

always desired. I surrounded myself with good and non-judgemental people who accepted me for

who I am and let me embrace it. With age came responsibilities which are exactly what I felt I

needed. By focusing on work and my future, I felt more successful and busy with no time to

screw around and waste time. My lifestyle gave me a solid work ethic and also peace.

By working hard to get where I wanted, my family became more accepting and actually

grew to be proud of me. I began forming healthy and happy relationships with my family which

healed a wound that had been there since my father passed. Looking back, I see many faults that
I committed, and many things I could have done differently. It wasn’t religion, it was my

lifestyle. Religion made me who I am today and I will forever be grateful.

I learned to communicate, obey, follow, listen, trust and believe. It gave me a feeling of

importance, it gave me a feeling of purpose. I will never look back with regret. I can look back

and say that it wasn’t religion's fault, it was the way I was living my life; my lifestyle.

Culture is more than race. Culture is knowledge, belief, lifestyles, pastimes and so much

more. I am proud of my culture. I embrace who I am, where I come from and my story. I am

grateful to be where I am today. I am blessed to be who I am today.

Connections

An article that I feel that relates to my story is “You Are My People:’ Inactive Gay

Mormon Shares Powerful Insights After Attending Church For The First Time In Years” written

by John Bonner. For those who haven’t read the story, it is about a guy who grew up Mormon

and left the church after he came out as gay. After years of being inactive, he goes back and

attends a sacrament meeting. He explains the feelings that overcame him, and how it relieved

him after all those years. In this article, he explains his feelings he felt when he said “​ I

remembered sobbing for hours at a time until my eyes were so red and swollen I couldn’t always

drive myself back home. I thought about what it had meant to feel lost and alone for so many

years, to be both within and without when it came to my native faith.” I can honestly say I

related to that. I felt rejected, lonely and like a disappointment. As the story progresses, he

explains that he finally felt like he belonged. He felt overwhelmed with joy when he felt

accepted. I related to this when my mom and family began to accept me for who I was.
 Another article I used was “ Religion, Culture, And Communication” written by Stephen

M. Croucher, Cheng Zeng, Diyako Rahmani and Melodine Sommier. Throughout this article,

they gave their insight of the importance of religion in culture. They explain how it coincides

with religion, and how communication plays its part with religion and vice versa. In their article

they say, “​There is an interplay among religion, community, and culture. Community is

essentially formed by a group of people who share common activities or beliefs based on their

mutual affect, loyalty, and personal concerns. Participation in religious institutions is one of the

most dominant community engagements worldwide. Religious institutions are widely known for

creating a sense of community by offering various material and social supports for individual

followers.” For me, the hardest part of leaving the church was feeling alone. I had so many

friends in my neighborhood and ward that made me feel embarrassed to be seen outside on

Sunday’s. I felt like I was avoiding everyone in my community just for not going to church. It

just goes to show the importance of community.

In the article “The History Of The ‘Ideal’ Woman And Where That Has Left Us” by

Jacqueline Howard, she used a quote by Sierra Filucci that says,“When kids are entering

adolescence, they're developing their own identity and trying to figure out what's socially

acceptable so when they're inundated with images of a particular body type in appealing

scenarios, they're more apt to absorb the idea that that particular body type is ideal," said Sierra

Filucci, executive editor of parenting content and distribution for Common Sense Media, a

nonprofit organization focused on helping children, parents and educators navigate the world of

media and technology.” Even though my story has nothing to do with body image, this text

applied to developing my identity. Like Sierra said, children try to develop their own identity at a

young age. I felt I was robbed of developing in the way I wanted to as I was forced for many
years to be someone who I wasn’t. I was told where to be, who to be, and when. I felt I couldn’t

be myself.

In “Perfume Dreams”, written by Andrew Lam, he explains how he felt speaking English

and how it helped him escape tragic memories. He says “Speaking English, I had a markedly

different personality than when speaking Vietnamese. In English, I was a sunny, upbeat, silly,

and sometimes wickedly sharp-tongued kid. No sorrow, no sadness, no cataclysmic grief clung

to my new language. A wild river full of possibilities flowed effortlessly from my tongue,

connecting me to the New World. And I, enamored by the discovery of a newly invented self (I

even gave myself a new name -- "Andy, call me Andy," I would tell each new teacher and each

new friend who had trouble pronouncing my Vietnamese name) -- I sailed its iridescent waters

toward spring.” When I read this, I was completely captivated as I completely related to this.

When at church, I felt embarrassed to speak. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t feel like a happy

person. It wasn’t the church’s fault, I just didn’t feel like I fit in. When he said how he felt when

speaking English, I could remember the way it felt to hang around people who shared the same

situation as I did. I could be my happy self and didn’t have to worry about being judged. I felt

free and happy.

 Works Cited

​ Bonner, John. “‘You Are My People’: Inactive Gay Mormon Shares Powerful Insights After

Attending Church for the First Time in Years.” ​LDS Living,​ 9 May 2018,

www.ldsliving.com/Inactive-Gay-Mormon-Shares-Powerful-Insights-After-Attending-Church-fo

r-the-First-Time-in-Years/s/87741.

Croucher, Stephen M., et al. “Religion, Culture, and Communication.” ​Oxford Research

Encyclopedia of Communication,​ 25 Jan. 2017,

oxfordre.com/communication/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190228613.001.0001/acrefore-978019

0228613-e-166.

Howard, Jacqueline. “The Ever-Changing 'Ideal' of Female Beauty.” ​CNN​, Cable News

Network, 9 Mar. 2018,

www.cnn.com/2018/03/07/health/body-image-history-of-beauty-explainer-intl/index.html.

Lam, Andrew. “A Viet Kieu Shares His 'Perfume Dreams'.” ​NPR,​ NPR, 30 June 2006,

www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5523004.