Citate:

“We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic”

( David Russell)

“In science there is only physics; all the rest is stamp collecting.” ( Lord Kelvin)

“In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature
does it for you.” ( Frank Wilczek )

“Nothing is accidental in the universe -- this is one of my Laws of Physics --

except the entire universe itself, which is Pure Accident.” ( Joyce Carol Oates )

“In science, "fact" can only mean "confirmed to such a degree that it would be
perverse to withhold provisional assent." I suppose that apples might start to rise
tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms.”
(Stephen Jay Gould )

Funny:

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes
certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. (Dave Barry )

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug.

Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told
him he was grounded. (Tim Allen)

Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know

how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle
light, to the 3rd floor of a building and recognizes that they are reaching the
ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his
book: "A thermometer falls with the
speed of light." (Joke Bits)

An important scientific innovation rarely makes its way by gradually winning over
and converting its opponents: What does happen is that the opponents gradually
die out.

Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is

attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity
hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big
ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity. where it is transformed by
TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back
into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.'

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec,
is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

A hydrogen atom is walking down the street with a friend when he suddenly
stops.
The friend says, "What's wrong?"
The hydrogen atom replys, "I lost my electron!"
The friend says, "Are you sure?"
The hydrogen atom exclaims, "Yes, I'm positive."
The friend laments, "Oh, I thought you were just being negative again."

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"How much for the beer?" the neutron asks the bartender.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."

What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?

Fission chips.

What happens when electrons lose their energy?

They get Bohr'ed.

Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling

objects.

Despre experimente:

Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which
class it belongs to?
Answer:
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of
checking, is the mistake.

An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.

A few months in the laboratory can save a few hours in the library.

No experiment is reproducible.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw
the teacher out of the window.

An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:
(a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.

Stories…:

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of

Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the
barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string
plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed
immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably
correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any
noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call
the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer
which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The
arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that
he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which
to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it
over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of
the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But
bad luck on the barometer.

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set
it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of
the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional
arithmetic to work uut the height of the skyscraper.

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of
string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and
then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in
the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l/g).

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to

walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then
add them up.

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could
use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and
on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height
of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind

and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the
janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give
you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

The student was Nils Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics.

*****

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate
students. It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some
variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they
do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving
into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
 As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the
world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people
and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the
mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell,
then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell,
than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

The student got an A on the exam.