Your Boss Is Bad For You: Why Bad Bosses

Infect Your Life and What You Can Do to

Stop Them
8

Alan Henry
Filed to: work-life balance2/28/12 5:00am

Those of us who have had to deal with annoying or aggravating bosses know how it's tough
to shake it off at the end of the day, but a new study explains why it's so hard, and why so
many of us suck at it and wind up bringing our stress home—where it doesn't just hurt you: It
hurts your family, your friends, and your other relationships. Let's look at the study and talk
about some ways you can learn to check your bad boss at the office door when you leave
work.
Science Explains How Your Bad Boss Follows You Home

Most of us have a hard time dealing with stress. We've discussed ways to fight it, but it's still
everywhere in our lives, especially at work. Sadly, few of us are able to leave it behind at the
end of the day. If you have a boss who micromanages you or makes you feel bad just for
showing up in the morning, a new study, conducted by the Université Francois Rabelais and
published in the Journal of Business and Psychology explains why it might be time to take
action. Researchers questioned 1,100 employees at different companies to find out how
closely a boss's management style and employee morale correlated. The results weren't
surprising. Title image remixed from Jhayne.

What Stress Actually Does to You and What You Can Do About It

Stress is an unpleasant fact of life. We all experience it for various reasons, and we all try
to… Read more

According to a story at The Atlantic, employees who felt their autonomy and their
contributions were respected reported higher morale and better on-the-job performance.
Employees who felt like their boss didn't trust them to do the work they were assigned, or
who "motivated" them by making them feel bad for not being more productive were the most
stressed out, and subsequently took that stress home with them, where it overflowed into their
personal lives and relationships.

A separate study by Baylor University, published in the journal Personnel Psychology drew
the line between stressed out employees who felt abused by their supervisors and higher
instances of familial tension and difficulty at home. None of this may seem surprising to most
people—if you had a hard day at work, it's likely you'll have little patience for issues that
you'd normally be able to deal with at home. Even so, these are the first few studies to put a
fine point on the fact.

What You Can Do About Your Stress, and Your Bad Boss

Dealing with a bad boss is a tricky proposition. I know a number of people who love their
jobs but hate their managers, and when someone tells them to just quit and find a different
job, they resist—mostly because they feel like everything else about their job is so perfect,
they just need to get over this one thing to make it worthwhile. Quitting is an option, but it's
not the only one. Let's look at some others.

 Get a hobby, or another activity to

de-stress right after work. One of the best things you can do to leave your stress at
the office is to treat yourself to something rewarding and relaxing immediately at the
end of your workday. Hit the gym every day after work, for example—you'll do your
body and mind a world of good, and it'll help you work off the stress of the day so
you'll get home and open the door without that extra baggage. Photo by ck. (Shutterstock).
 Visualize, meditate, or take time alone to power through it. One of the tips we
mentioned when discussing chronic stress and what you can do about it is to take
 some time alone and practice muscle relaxation techniques or visualization techniques
that remove you from the things that stress you out. Whether you do it in the car
before you head into the house every day, or before you begin the commute home
from work, take some time to let your conscious mind take over, identify that you're
stressed, and break it down so you're more aware of your actions and your responses
to your family and friends.
 Transfer to a different team or role in your company. Some companies encourage
this and others don't, but if yours does, it might be time to find another department to
transfer to. Talk to your HR rep or, if you know they're looking for talent, a person in
that team and ask if you can apply for the position. You'll have to handle this
delicately: You don't want your current boss to sabotage your efforts, but you do want
to be up-front about your desire for a change of scenery. If you can swing it
diplomatically, you may be able to stay with your company, continue to do what you
love (or even try something new) and leave your bad boss behind.
 Build your case. You don't want to start treating your boss with the same
unprofessional demeanor that they treat you with, but you will need to start thinking
on your feet and coming up with ways to parry their attacks and barbs. Whether it
means you have to document your work so you can prove how busy you are (great for
when they make you feel bad for not being productive enough,) or start keeping a
work diary or an awesomeness journal to document your successes and prove your
value, it's time to start a paper trail in your favor to use when your boss complains.
Worst case, it's a paper trail you can use when applying to new jobs.

 Let your boss know. This one's really

tricky, but if your boss is a bad boss not out of malice but out of ignorance or
ineptitude, a tactful and professional approach may work wonders. Of course, this
won't work on a boss that's a jerk or just doesn't care, but if the problem is that they're
busy themselves or suffering under the weight of their own boss and letting it bleed
through to you, they may be receptive to change—and once you talk through it, they
may be on your side. I can vouch for this from experience. No one wants to be
stressed out, and if you can appeal to your boss's better nature, they may understand
 and be willing to compromise and work with you instead of against you. Photo by
Matthew W. Jackson.
 Talk to HR or your boss's boss. Again, you have to really have faith that this may
actually work and you won't be retaliated against. In many cases, a bad boss is just the
person standing in front of a worse boss, or the bad boss and their boss have a closer
relationship than you think. HR may also be a trap—not every company takes
complaints by employees seriously, and as soon as it gets back to your boss, you
could be in for it. However, if you do trust your company's HR rep or your boss's boss
to mediate, or know they value you more than your boss might, talk to them. Focus on
the issue or behavior and not the person, and let them know you want to help your
boss, and you're otherwise happy and engaged in your role, but these very specific
things have you stressed out. Ask how they can help, how they'll follow up, whether
your conversations are confidential, and when you can expect to hear from them.
Some of what they do is confidential as well, but make sure you get some
confirmation you've been heard.
 Just quit. There is a tipping point where nothing you can do will make a bad boss any
better, and no amount of exercise after work or therapy is going to change the fact that
your boss makes you miserable every day, and in turn you inadvertently make your
family and friends miserable when you're around them. Even if the job is great, it
might be time to look for better opportunities where your work will be appreciated. It
can be difficult, but your health and your relationships are worth it.

Whatever you do, if your boss is stressing you out and you can see the signs of it seeping into
your personal life, you need to do something. What you do is really a matter of the degree of
stress you're feeling. If you think it's manageable with exercise or meditation, then don't wait
—start now. If you know you'll never really be able to deal with it, and your boss will never
change, more drastic action may be warranted. In the end though, stress impacts your
productivity, your health, and now, studies show, the health and well being of the people
closest to you. You—and they—deserve better. Photo by marekuliasz (Shutterstock).

How do you deal with an aggravating boss every day, and how do you leave them behind
when you leave the office? When do you make the call that it's time to go? Share your coping
mechanisms and stress-relief techniques in the comments below.