Insidetime March 2011
www.insidetime.org
by a Prison Widow
W
hat a week it’s been for me!
As the founder of Prisoners
Families Voices, I have to deal
with lots of emails on a daily
basis. I was astounded the other day when I
received over 30 emails from a company
trying to flog Viagra to us. Now then, consid-
ering our email address starts with: prisoners
families, you’d think these folk would have
some kind of common sense wouldn’t you?
We are a prisoners families online blog who
receives emails saying, 50% off Viagra! That
would be like someone trying to flog the con-
traceptive pill to a hysterectomy group
wouldn’t it? Or even worse the Ministry of
Justice receiving an invite to a Mafia wedding!
Talking of weddings, my hubby’s cousin, who
is finishing off his sentence in an open prison,
attended a Greek wedding last month. His
brother was marrying a beautiful Greek lady.
He was granted weekend home leave because
he had been a model prisoner. The celebra-
tions were going swimmingly until the bride-
who works for a well known bank – noticed
20 counterfeit notes pinned to her dress.
From what I can gather, investigations are still
ongoing. But my hubby’s cousin didn’t exactly
make matters any better by telling the guests
that he was a professional illusionist. The
bridal party apparently told him in no
uncertain terms not to tell anyone he was a
prisoner. That secret didn’t last long though.
The bride’s uncle had asked my hubby’s
cousin what his profession was. He said he
made ‘things’ disappear. The bride’s aunt
smiled and chirped in, “Are you a bit like,
David Copperfield then?” My other half’s
cousin confidently replied, “Yes, but I don’t
think David Copperfield ever made Securicor
CLARKE KIERNAN
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vans disappear!” I suppose it wasn’t his fault.
He’s been in prison for donkey’s years and
the festivities were quite overwhelming for
him. Even when the wedding guests started
to smash plates, as it’s their Greek tradition,
he never joined in because he said he didn’t
want to get done for criminal damage bless
him.
I didn’t attend the wedding myself, but my
Granddad did. He’s another story too. At 85
years of age, he’s no spring chicken. Anyway,
a few weeks ago I took him on his first prison
visit to see my hubby. It all went horribly
wrong in the search area. First of all, we had
to stand on the yellow lines whilst the dog
walked past us. We ended up standing there
for 20 minutes because every time the dog
walked past Granddad, he told it to sit and
shake a paw. The next incident was when he
was asked to put his possessions in a tray. I
was busy taking off my rings and jewellery
only to turn around and see Granddad
standing there with sod all on! God knows
what the screws thought. His little legs were
like clothes props and his crinkly bottom was
on show for all and sundry! I tried to tell him
that when the screws had asked for posses-
sions to be put in a tray, they didn’t mean his
shoes, trousers, buttoned shirt and Y-fronts.
Being a typical British male though, he did
leave his socks on, so I guess he didn’t let the
side down when it came to representing the
majority of men in this country! No doubt
Inside Time may receive some replies
regarding my comments on that score!
Inside the visits room was no better. I’m not
sure he knew exactly where he was to be
honest. He asked one of the screws if there
was a gift shop so he could take a present
back home for Hilda, his next door neighbour.
He was rather disappointed that there wasn’t
one. But even if there was, I wouldn’t have
thought Hilda would have appreciated a set
of handcuffs at her ripe old age. I shouldn’t
say it, but he was a nightmare. After he’d
gone round shaking all the screws hands, we
had approximately a 15 minute visit. Great!
Needless to say, I have been stressed out, so
this month I shall make a point of going to
Granddad’s local to tell his domino friends
that my hubby does not live on HMS, but
thanks for all the cards and letters of support
of which they asked me to pass on to him in
Afghanistan.
FAMILY DEPARTMENT
Maria Steele-Williams
All aspects of matrimonial and children
disputes, including proceedings involving
the Local authority.
Divorce, domestic violence, cohabitation
and Civil partnerships.
All aspects of financial disputes.
Prisoners
Families Voices
prisonersfamiliesvoices.
blogspot.com/
Prison isn’t one of those things
Karen Mellor, 6 February
I might be controversial here, but I don’t care.
To a degree, I agree with Charlotte Linacre’s
comment in The Sun newspaper, and I’ll tell you
why. As Anonymous so rightly says (below post)
there are indeed genuine families of prisoners
around who want to make a difference. Therefore,
I have no problem with assisted prison visits
whatsoever. What I do have a problem with is
paying for people to visit when they have no
clue about parenting and think it’s alright for
their loved one to be in prison. I have heard
countless women on visits talk about how this
is their partners 8th time inside, and how this is
their son’s 5th time inside etc. It’s alright talking
about this maintaining family ties crap, but
how can families maintain ties when some of
them can’t even look after a goldfish? You can’t
tell me any different because I’ve seen it for my
own eyes. I take imprisonment seriously. I know
people who see it as ‘one of those things.’ It’s
not ‘one of those things’ when someone goes
inside for their 8th time is it? So why should tax
payers keep paying for it? Sitting at a visits
table isn’t going to improve parenting. Writing
letters about having fish fingers for tea isn’t
going to improve it either. It’s all about the
lifestyle families lead on the outside.
........................................................
Parenting matters
Anonymous, 6 February
I would like to respond to Maureen Jame’s post
please. I know exactly where she is coming
from when she mentioned the youths talking
about prison. I live on an estate where there are
repeat offenders. I also live on an estate where
their mothers and fathers couldn’t care less
what they are getting up to of a night. Then
when a Police van comes and picks them up,
their mothers are ranting and raving as to why.
Sorry to say this, but I know there are genuine
families out there who want to make a differ-
ence, but there are others who couldn’t care
less too. I spoke to one Mum who said she was
glad her son was in prison because he’s a pain
Criminal Defence, Appeals and
Prison Law Specialists
All Prison issues including:
• Licence & Parole Hearings
• Categorisation & Transfer
• Recall to Custody
• Ajudications
• Tariff & Judicial Review
For an Immediate Response contact:
Duncan Smith
Glaisyers Solicitors
10 Rowchester Court
Family Welfare 35
in the backside. Sorry, but if that’s what you
call parenting then what a sad world we live in.
........................................................
Probation Service Have No Idea
Anonymous (Via Facebook), 16 February
Pray do tell? Because I’m as confused as
everyone else. My better half was released last
year. His probation appointments are now
down to once a month. He has a job, which is
only temporary, but it’s still a job when all said
and done. His probation officer hasn’t lifted a
finger in terms of help and support regarding
employment. He went to an agency that so
called helped ex-offenders find work and that
was a joke too. I have heard they have since
lost their funding - surprise surprise. It was me
who helped him back into employment by
sitting at my PC sending CV’s off for him
everyday. Eventually it paid off. He has been
working now for 6 months, which all goes
towards his CV should he be laid off. Families
can help to reduce re-offending. But I believe
that some may need support in order to do this.
When I sat back and thought about how much
his probation officer did for him - my conclu-
sion was, they may as well have paid me his
wages. Considering also that he is on a MAPPA
licence, I’d have thought he may have received
some extra help. But no. Probation did help
him to put a CV together and the spelling
mistakes in it were rife. I had to redo it and if
anyone requires any proof of this, then I would
certainly send it off to whoever wants a look. I
agree with others on the blog that families
aren’t included with their so-called rehabilita-
tion with probation. Well, probation have no
clue what rehabilitation is. They think that
group sessions with other offenders work?
How? I have known ex-offenders to attend
these lame meetings only to have hooked up
with another offender afterwards and go off
the rails. I have also heard many say that their
probation officer is nice? All well and good, but
‘nice’ does not achieve results. I will be glad
when my partner’s once a month, 5 minute
drop-in at probation is over and done with. It’s
not worth catching a bus for!
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