Dating Malay, Chinese, and Indian Girls.

Malay girl
1st date: You get to hold hands
2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.
3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS.
Chinese girl
1st date: You take her to a restaurant.
2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.
3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond neck
lace. You get to hold her hand later that night.[I]Indian girl
1st date: You meet her parents.
2nd date: She meets your parents.

3rd date: Wedding night. ?

---
Malaysian in Space
Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.
3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and
one Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... ho
w much do you think you should be paid for it?"
Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit.""Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu."I see," said Dr. M. "Th
ank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."So the Malay walks up, and is
asked the same question."Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant
."2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one
million!""You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so,
20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves...""I see,"
said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission.
.. how much do you think you should be paid?"Ah Chong thinks for a while, and su
ddenly says, "3 million."Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!
"Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one
million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."
---
Chinese people
Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City andasks for the loan officer. He
tells the loan officerthat he is going to China on business for two weeksand nee
ds to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will needsome form of security for the
loan, so the Chinese manhands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on thestreet
 in front of the bank. He produces the title andeverything checks out.
The Loan officer agrees to accept the car ascollateral for the loan. The bank's
president and itsofficers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese forusing a $250,
000 Ferrari as collateral against a$5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari intothe bank's underground garag
e and parks it there. Twoweeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000and
the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy tohave had your business, and thi
s transaction hasworked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.While you w
ere away, we checked you out and found thatyou are a multi-millionaire. What puz
zles us is whyyou would bother to borrow $5, 000.The Chinesereplies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car fortwo weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be theresafely when I return
---
Malaysian english (extended version... be sure to read till the end of this part
!!)

Malaysia English vs Britian English ...

Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, st
raight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but
they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare th
ese phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make
things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWSBritons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to hav
e the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the
other outlets for you.Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALLBritons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few
moments ago?Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you ple
ase make way?Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAYBritons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on m
e.Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSIONBritons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possi
ble for me to enter through this door?Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAININGBritons: Please make yourself right at home.Malaysians: Don't b
e shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONEBritons: I don't recall you giving me the money.Malaysians:
Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFERBritons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.Mal
aysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSIONBritons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you the
re. I understand where you'recoming from, but I really have to disagree with wha
t you said about the issue.Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.Britons: Excuse me, but could you pleas
e ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.Malaysians: Shaddap la
h!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you st
aring at me for some time. Do I know you?Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicamen
t at the moment.Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENEDBritons: Will someone tell me what has
just happened?Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion
)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONGBritons: This isn't the way to do it here let m
ne show you.Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRYBritons: Would you mind not disturbing meMalaysians:Celaka u/LA
NCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!
--------
Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore

It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA
, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an anima
l starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrec
tly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to det
ermine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since
Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to
give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the lette
r "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO
-------
Malaysian Joke
Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?You know, that very little 600 c
c car ???Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr Mpaid a visit
to the White House after finishing formal discussions withGeorge Bush, Dr M che
cks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sellthe Kancil in the USA.
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I thinkthis 'Kernchill
' is too small for us Americans."Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and
finally Bushoffered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy andhe
's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in NorthAmerica."Dr M was
satisfiedwith the meeting and returns to Malaysia.The next day he called the nu
mber and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",can I help you?"

********************************************************************
Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.He represented the Malaysian
Prime Minister.All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year2
008.Here are some of the conversations:China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China
will start their moonexploration project."Russian Delegate : "We too, we are go
ing to explore the moon.This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will ste
p on themoon."George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explorethe
moon for the second time."Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will
explore the sun."
There was a longsilence. Bush stood up and asked theMalaysian delegate: "Isn't i
t too hot to explore the sun?"Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it
in the evening."

*********************************************************************There are t
hree major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese andIndian.
The Malays have the political power and so they set up the partyUMNO, which lite
rally means "U Must Not Object".
The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy andThey called thei
r party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".
Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics oreconomics.?They set up
their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentarymeeting the Indians would ask:
"Must I Come?"
------------
Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?
Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got upto the
'nee'(breast) one.
------Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show itto he
r. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his gir
lfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored theaccelerato
r. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed AhBeng.

"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captainhad t
o persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make roomfor women and
children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came upwith the
appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collectunder
wear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted theDJ to
play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buysbread). The D
J told them that they only have English songs and told themtore-select another s
ong. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was i
nsulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.Finally,
after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengsactually asking fo
r the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to getdown t
o the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.It was
then followed by a G.
As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what thethe lett
er G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was soimpressed an
d asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshitravelli
ng on a private helicopter.
After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette(Dunhill) lig
hted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw thebalance of the cigarette
.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-upthe c
igarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and appliedit an
d the rest he throw out of the window.
The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why didyou thro
w away the perfume?"
The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".
The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi outof the h
elicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you pushhim?"
The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in mycountry!".