W r+'"rill

_*-'j,io,,otor..Hi,everybody,Isupposeeachofyouherek W-,
.f:iasheardof Goldilncks... Little RedRidingHood ... -,. Baby Bear:How do you think I feel?I'll missschooi.
ui Cinderella.. ' Snow White andtheSevenDiarfs? - i ri n , n But we can'tstopthefairy-talecanwe?
l burdid youknow thatonedaytheymer?yes, they AeV*_L
did, andmanymore timesbesides.Oh, it was along 7 DaddyBear: You meanto teJlme thatwe just ignore
time agoin a farawaylandcailedBlunderiand. ourjobs andour appointments,
our breakfasts, io for
Brunderrand
wasawonderrur
piace.
rtwas
rure
dbya , lJ']1;,1::1t:1;T;l$*:t:tt.H;.Ti: H:t:"i'
firn-lovingKing who hada fun-lovingwife calledThe
*- locla intobui house?Who wrotefhii storyaryhow?
,brot
Queen,andtheyhad a fun-lovingsoncalledThe
Princel BabyBear: Er ... I thinkit was a ... a ... a ... oh
'emagain?
ch ybah'ahuriran
"' a
AIsolivinginBrunderland
atrhattimewasGordi- ol#t #il:all
lock. However,Goldilockswasn,taiwaysasgoodas
gold asour storybook mightsuggest. Indeed-at times MammyBear: A what?
shecouldbe a horriblelittle wretch.But look ... see BabyBear: A humanbeing- you know,thosethings
for yourselfbecauseheresheis, thatpestfro*qthe with no fur excepton theirheads.They think they
west,Goldilocks! t f ,/ \ owntheplaceandthatallanimalsaredumb.
b" 6
{v'i
pd^b )-
(Enter
Gotditocks.) /
I;::!^!r,;:;:fX'l,j:if,l;ff:#l:.rt Atreasi
Goldiloclcs: (s/resits toss-leggedhand.to chin)l, m we'Il getsomeair.
feciupi No-oneto play withl N*o-oneto bullyl So-on. (E*it Bears.Goldilocksbreal\ freeze.Shelaughs
to thur::plNo-oneto mangle!StiU ... not a badday '
boldly.)
for tormentingbears.(.S/restands,spotsa bear
h o , u s e . ) a l t o o t c l A b e a r h o u s e t T t i ' n t i ' i r U ?^* l . Goldiloclcs:Mmm...Ismellponidge.TbinkI'llnip
windovr!(Picksup a large srone... prercnAsb throw '
. in andgraba bite to eat.
and thenholdsa freeze-) ... delicious.I thinkl'll eatthe
r r, rla;a Goldilocl<s:Mmm
u-22-> wholelotl
(EnterNarrator.)
(Stilteating,with bowl in hand' she walkstowar'dsthe
'i%*rhink
Narrator: (looksat Gotd,itocks
rhenat aud.ience)see i,l[ give Red RidingHooda
whatl.mean?fy*.y,earlierthatmorningrherewas
ri";di tq -- '
h\hle
:}i'jil111'-H::';..o^^-.-.^..,, --.-.-qrE
il'[ammyBear; Dddy Bear,would you everget up? If
: @iatsinumbl'';
thecardoesn'tstartyou'll be latefor work, thepoor
childwill be latefor school,andI'll missmy appoinr-
mentwith thevet.
t*
(EnterDaddyBear.)
4.r,rt
'y0#
z'*QWot
DaddyBear:Youneverstopmoaning. Nag;nagnag f >:F:-'-
... morning,
noonandnighrlWhere'srnyponidge? Hood..you betit waslMy ne.1:oro{
;t/ M Riding
(tr{ammyBear handshim a bowl and.a spoon.)
bikeli a dingerlRight,whereshallwe srart?
''
IvfammyB ear:Now who's moaningandnagging?
Goldilork: Tjrechairs?
R ed RidingHood: Right!
(EnterBaby Bear.)

"ii*:;:nli:ru;::ilJ.nli1:r.::iJi:i':"ib*,r'i;i::;::{#
in thebook'
4un,
| -fl
'ease' aboutlaughin'
fall about
:' They
Thelfatl laughing')
r ' '
irtamryyBeal; Whatbook? "
C%aajlocks: tharwasgreat.
Oh,
Bab7Bear:itsaysinthebookthatwethreebearsgo<
for a rvaikahdconveniently to come
allorvGoldilocks Hood:Surewas. ,t , ,
RedRiding
in andwreckthehouse.
Goldilocl<s: I hatebears' I tI I
DadtlyEear:Gofor a walk?what aboutmyjob? ll''tl<A
*oodr I hatewolves'oneof ihemGf
t,|vfantmy wirhthevet?
Bear;And my appoinrment E'r!#,1*r
i
 oldilocks:No he didn't. In thestorv vour Crannv 'tYol.f
2: Yeah,you know - bobksandfairytales.
wasn'teaten. Baby Bea.r:O.h,you meanhumanbooks.iegends,
-
myths,fair;'talesandall that Crimm stuff?
RedRiding Hood: Qh, thatwas only thepublished
story.The foliowing day the Big Bad Wolf came 1lo{
!: Exactly!Well, we gor on thephoneto theKin
back,spottedGrannyhangingout her bloomers,and a.ndQueenandPrinceof Blunderland.Thev said .
Snap... onebiteandbye bye Granny! they'dbe delightedto comearoundto discussthe
matterwith us.
Goldiloctcs:Isthattrue,Red?
BabyBear: What time will they be here?
RedRiding Hood:Hey, Goldiel I'm a humanbeing.
Would I lie? lYolf 1: Oh, in aboutthreeseconds.
Goldilo clcs: Soundspretty painful.
WolvesandBears:
ene... two ... three...
RedRidingHoodr you bet.you could hearher
screamingfor miles. (Loud bangingon door, Enter King,
eueen and
(Theyhear voices.) Prince of Blunderland) .
Hey,who's that? Mammy Bear..Bangon time! Comein, your
majesties.
Goldilocks:Dunno. Must be the Bears.Irt,s hide.
-
A&,

(They'spamperof to hide.) ;;;;i6 King: Hi, there,oh hairyfuny forestfriends! ,

yar:to.r: But-it wasn't the Bears.It wastheirfriends €%rves andBears: Heilo, fleshy royal ones.
I
" rne \iyolves,who wantedto tell theBears
abouta very
importantmeeting. (Theynod, shakepawslhandsetc. TheKing helpsthe
Queeninto her seatand stan^ on her rigit. Tie
(Exil Narrator. Enter Wolves,) Prince sitson her lap suckinghisttumb. The atrimals
sit ot thefloor facing them.Baby Bear and the prince
lYo[ I : WherearetheBears? eye eachother menacingly,)

lYolf2:Don,t know.Their car is parkedoutside.

they'vegonefor a stroll. S'trrng.ttrougir,this Prince:Mammy.
Y.yb:
placeis a bit of a mess.
Queen:yes, love?
lYolf 3: I hopethey'll be backfor themeeting.
Pince:I don'tlike ,em.
IVolf 1: Yes indeed.Today is the dayfor - I
serting Qiein:Why,love? |
therecordstraight.
I
to front stage;addresses aud.ience.) Prince:'Costheyhaveall hairon ,emand
Y"lF theysmell.
l ne humanshaveaccusedme of blowing
down
belonginsro threelittle pigs. BabyBear:Whoareyoucallinghairyand
lgr_t:r smelly,
lYolf 2.:(walksto frout stage.)nna they accusedme * , . youbaldylittlewhipperrnupprr?
of terrifyinga little boy calledpeter.nd his Grandad. Waittill I getmy
pawsintoya!
lYotf3: (w,alkstofront.)Thehumansaccused
me of
eatingRedRidingHood,sGranny. .,{mq borhgofor eacltother,butmotltersand.
intervene fatlters
andpeaceb restored.)
(To other wolves.) . King:Well,now,my goodfriends,I believeyouhave
Hey,did you hcara noise? a problem.

(Enter Bears. Tlrcy exchangebear hugsandpaw_ MamnyBear: (sfterrses)your majesty,for some

shakes.) yearsnowthehumans havebeenwritingterrible
whichtheycall,fairytales'.
stories Thesestories
alwaysshowhumans to UewonJeifuJ anaui animafs
Babl,Beo,r:Hi, Wolves.What'sthescene?
to bedreadful.
Ilolf 1: Weli, Baby Bear,we thoughtit was abour '
Wolf2: Yeah,I meanI wasaccused of terrifyine
time therecordwassetstraight. - I
somqjeriecalledperer. I
-- b'8'1
illantntyBear; The record? 'Wolf I
3: I amsupposed to haveeatena Granny.
 z _
ryfpgoe_surouod.u,cr,ng.. *r^, _, _,
rurammy
Bea.
r*y*i"i;'fuffi"# :
trrult'Irt!Desr.' rlley InrnKI cao't evenmakeponidg-e
?-
^,i n,
tr::i;iffi,ffxr,
tsffiIi#{,#
"-
u0noxw.us!They'llonlybe theoneswio gJi
&ed
inmyqueue'
aroundscratching
laal.a.ey: gooks s hist rorY{o?on
/ ^ nwaiting
:rtreyitrlnts
rt , uiiioi aop"r sll, up: rwo
" ?\ {,j.lf::: {:u "*,r@.Lur dooing
annoytle neighbours.
//will
(A'IIanimatsn'odand'agreewith each other') 1:
ob.noxio^, *.an',u*r,orro,u. .uggot to call us
King:(rises)Comenow,my goodcreatures, ugly'
notall i
fairytalesareit suchbad taste.We havemany more
chamingfairytal"r;r,nr"t, #rr#ii."0"","?.,tii" I Brutal:Yeahandheeveutalkstotha.t
dirtylittlecin-
- ""'
ogs
clers'
ders.
in them- --r
ia tha* _- --:__, -
andno animalswhichyou,naioui I I
I I
familiescanenjoyl
I I fo, bothgiggte.) |
Wolvesand Bears..Really?
Obnoxious:Comealong,Brutal darling.Let,s put
- . the
poor mbn out of theirmisery.
Queen:Yes.Forexampieihave
youeverheardof
'Cinderella'?
Brutal: Oka1,,
ebnoxiouspet,leadthewavto thebus
.4,/I;'Cinderella'? sropr(.LW)
(Giggling, they leave.Enter Cinders.)
_Ellt ]ggf Is thatumbrella,s
cousin?
MammyBear:Ssh,BabyBear.Sorryaboutthat, Cinders:It was her,Buttons,it was her! Shesaid
she
Queen. carryon.
Please thoughtI might havea problemandshe'dbe
overin
abouUesiseconds.
Queen:Oh,it's a iovelystory,isn'tit, darliq.g? r I
King: lt certainlyis, my sweet- andyoushallall see
it. BringonCinderella!

(Theyall leaveand sit at thefront of the

.aunonsi
wtrlC.,g.rr..un*
cr"r"st
_ ^ft
Lrry Crnaers;
ffr'UglySisters
aregoing
torheballandI Cinders:Oh,FairyGodmother, you,venoideahow
t can,tgo. miserabie I am.My nnoUgiy Sistenhavegoneto the
I ball andI'm left behindcoveredin muckanddirt,
Buttons:Why
not? dressed in ragsandfeeiingreallyblue.
I
Cinden-LookatmeI I'm filthyandI haven,tgota Fairy Godmother:Yes,
youareabit messy
looking
thingtowear. aren'tyou?
I
i
Buttons:I seeyourpoint.(Siebawlsevenloud.er Cind,ers:What
amI goingto do?
now.)Butlisten,sureiyyou'vegora FairyGod- I
motnerl No problem,puddingpie.you go
lairy Godmotler..
to thatdooroverthere,cioseit behindyou,hrocksix
Cjnd1rc:Yes,of courseI have.I've beentryingto timesandsay:
ringherail ngming butshe'sjustnorans*eririgth.
phone.Nobodylovesme.Notiven you,Bunoni! *-\ DirtyCinders
ain'tdirtynomore ET
* shewaiks,lroughthedoor.--u1;
Buttons:Thar's (phone ringsoffstage,ff,$t/
nor tnse! '>
l-,H.t"ty
tL"fi lVaitlThat'sthephonettviaybe
youanswer it?
it's hir. ivi,yioo,,
'
Buttons:My goodness,
) | hv awnsrqrt ut u, ilf.i ' l
Cinders,
youlookabsolutely

e% Fairy Godmof&er:Yes,you do, my doteyhonev.Just

Cinders:
Okay,burit,ll probably
bea wrongnurnber. onething though.Be backby midnigit or else.'..

-- (E:it Fairy Godmother.

Loud bangingat door.)
Obnorious:
We'reotf to rheballtoniqht.

kuqtr,^tc
 I
lv
brella: \Yho's that? 5, )' rr t r c e l' at ila sI t c tts-Loo Ltrt gsil//isI tutgu Uus: U Ett,
.. you'reeven worse.I wouldn'tdanccwith eitherof
e-Eoesto door and looksout,) -, you if you weretheonly two womenleft on earth.
withsixwhitehorses.
It's a coachrnan Cinders.
vou're Besides,toniehtI've fallenin lovewith ... whatthe
goingrorhebail. -;
lwasher*name? Shedicln'ttell me. (Roars.)
FrJi- d n*tC Detectives HoundandDos comehere!
Buttons:I betshemeetsa handsilme princeandfalls
in lovewith him. Ah well, if that'swhal makes
hoppy,thenso be it!

(Exit Brutons.EnterNarrator.)
r.a::
C^,1" F t".9 C
You called,m'lord?

At your service,your eminence,

PrinceFantasticus-Lcok;n;snnshingaDus;I want you to

Narqator:That night at the ball PrinceFa
tracethelady with whom I spent,theeveningdancing.
Lookingsmashingabus
couldn'ttakehiseyesoff
Cinderella. D og : Y erywcll sir. (Takesoulnote book.)Ller.name?
-Lookingsmoshingabus; Do vou
P i nceF antasticus P rince Fantaslicus-Lookin
g.smashingaltus;
Shedidn't say.
comehereoften?
Dog: Oh.Her address?
Cinderella:Only whenmy Fairy Godmothersends
me here.
(Theybothgiggle.) i

s-L ookingsmashi ng abus.'Any

Pi n ceF anta sticut
chanccof me walkingyou home?
Hou,nd:I-et's get this straight'You want us to find a nameless,
Cinderella:Hardly. addressless,
phone-numberlessperson?

P rinceF an tasticus-Lo oking snrash

i n g abusrWhy? P ri n ceF anI ast i cus- Lookin gs n:rl,s h in g abus,.yes. (M umbIes to
himselfl Well . .. muybeI'm a bit hard of hearing. (Loudlyto
de-
Ciy!e_r.el!1:
I live sixty-threemiles away. tectives) That'swhatI
uou for, to solvethi unsoivable,tc
P rinceF antasticus-Lookingsnnshingahrs,,Oh, well, e unfi ndable,.r o ouf
fi {.r";;, ;f' : ;; scov er.abIe, ro rha
.[d,ttr
-possible ke
pcrhapsa phoncnumberwhereI couldcontactvou, theimpossibl"!N;*;d;iilJii
porriur._ solve,find
We could catcha movie, or go to the fairgrounj, anddiscover! i
nibblesomecandy-floss, ,
pick up a Big lr{ac.,..
Dog: Any cluesat all? ]
Cinderella:Why,
sure,thSt,dibe
gr..t.nutffi Prin ceF an|asti ctts_Lookingsmash in ga brs.,No, none
:ouldyou tell me thetimi? at all. Wait,thereis one.That'sherslipperl
(pointsto
fallen slipper.)And shedid say tharslie lives sixty-
n ceF an tastic tts.Lookingsnrc shing abus: Ah,
\i'elax, tlrreemilesaway.
, J
it's earlyyet.

)inderella:How early?
ffi y'sixty-three
:'J-:
iil5ffil,H
xTiTxJ
f,f,'ff,H,
mile radius.Thatshouldn'tbe too difticurt,
o.
tr s^t'l
i n ceF an tasticus-Lookingsnrcsh i ng ab us:It'{about
shouldit, Hound?

r{tr secondsto midnight. /\

3
I{owd: No problem,Dog!
'inderella:
What? P rinceF an tasticus-Lookirr
gs rtras
lin gabrs;Get on to
Trinc it at onceandIet me know whenyou'ie foundher.
eF an rasticus-Lookin
gsmashi
ngabus: WhereJrZl
Narrqtor:
! shego?Wry didshego?Wasit s;merhing I said? .
(A,she speaks,Hound and Dog minre an interyiew at
Fnoxious:Ah, a door of a lrcuse.They tunt away and
forgcther.She,sboring.,,^ :'I1*' faceaudience
uahmorecxciling.Giveusa dancc,oh lenJt-,re- whenNamator linishes.)
Edtpone. llound and Dog sniffedout everyclue,but kept
corningup againstbrick walls.dvery womanin the
.PrtqL!1
Incei{.retlost. countryseemedto be theownerof theslipper.

J.+#:;;rosr. Heprcferssomeonervitha bir f--- (Exit Narrator.)

.. stylc.Don'tyou,srveetie.
Nowlet'sboogie!
I{o.und:Well, Dog, that'severyhousesixty-three
milesfrornthepalace.What clowe do nowi
 'lhat
Hound: Royalfigule?You meanroundligure!
slipperwouldn't fit you if it was stretchedtentimes.
-7 Takeit off at onceandgive it to her .. . thequiet
-! Prettyone.
Dog; i dunno.I'm afraidto go backto baie' Hc canbe
really meanat times,that ?r-inceFantasticus-Lookingsmash (Pointsto Cinders.)
.ingabus!What'sthatnoise?
Brutll:H.ul Butthat'sCindels!
andBrutal,slapping
(Enterobnoxious Cind,ers
around.
thehead
! :illtl !'i;iiii;ii'::! \
andpitshingher,)
She's
o.bnoxious; cinocf
oniyasmallsoot-sweeping
r "i"&:9, ,
cieaner'
obnoxious(ou4t"tlit+bffuC' .l
/ r -^ ----- '-- .^t
Brutat:you
iittre
brat! youcrean
whydidn,t noor
thekitchen
Iast night? f,:iij;Jj||*J#,n:}jj,:"rt,|,T,!ii:ffiil.-^i""S
tlts rtur's rur r'e'rvreur
do it!
.
lbnoxious:Yeah, wherewere you?
@rutal hands Cinderstheshoereluctantly.Cinders
triesit on and standsup')
cinders:I went to bedearly.I hadan awful headache.

Brutal:you,il have onewhenwe're finished Cinders:ithink it's a little tight.You see,I dirced so
"*ors"
*i,t yoo.

(Thq,'re just aboutto give her a beatingwhenHound Dog: (escitedty)Call lhe Princel We've found ber!
callsthem.)
' Hound: (roars)Prince Fantasticus-l'ooking
Hound: Ladies,ladies,please- no violence!Now " smashingabus!
then,that's better.Now, ladies,it is our duty asper' * - --- ---:^r-r
Dog:Thatwas quickl
,oJ a.t..tiues to His WonderfulnessPrinceFantasti' You bet -
cus-Lookingsmashingabus to find the owner of this Pince Fantasticus'Lookingsmashingabzs:
aid is-adingerl lt's herl She'sa little
rrr the
siiver siipper.Shewho fits shoe'rq'
u' Juue ^* theiole
shall fit r'v rv ."^,*y n* hearing
'(
of princess. {airty,uof,"iti, I goodbar of souptil-. *tJ::::::,
my rnncessl
" dreis-making,add a nice'@g ';'-Yes'
By theway, what's your name'r p''1t2
Obnoxious:It'smine! It's got me written ail overit!
Cinderella'
yourswheuit's just asking
Brutal:How couidit be '''t Cinders:Cinden' But you canr call me
iormvleftfoot' *,,., tolivein
canhecome
ffi.t't,flifffL.oo sottoos.
(Thq pushand shoveeach other in their effortsto the palacetoo?
grab theshoefrom the Hound.) bfH r ^^,.!--ot
b'!io
PrinceFantasticus'Lookingsmashingabus:oi
t[r..*,J aftermy
Dog; Ladies,please.One at a time.Good.Now would coursehe can.I needsomeoneto look
-voupleasesit down andwait your turn.
Abnoxious:It fits, oh it fits. lt's so comfie,oh,it's"'-" q vteq'r
like a cieannappY
"^"t me Jockey
prince. Buttons:can I what?They don't call
on a baby,sbum.I,m goingto marrya t*:ttt: thewav'boss'
'"ffiryy;n
yougetnoughroutof tenfor thattittteact.Nate
Dog:r'mafraid
theElephantwouidhaveabetterchancethanyou'Nowtake.itoffxah&oiAid-gutsswhat'folks?Yes'you
sisterof yoursa chance. -LY.V,^: - they all livedhappill,evgrafrytl 1 17
andgivethatbrutal-iooking
'Nt flot -? ?)d-/ k (" 9*h huu' King'
Brutal:How
didyouknow
myname,sweetie? "
;_ _ X:i:(:f;:j,_
anafl'f" "in:;::lry;!:Bears'
aueen
Dog; up.wehaven't
Hurry gotalldav. CJ{+ W&*"i4:ffK
... I feltthatl
Brutal:Ooh -' Xing;Well,didyoulikdthatstory)'
1^
f"c(-
r (Slreis aboutto fight but looksat Dog and Hound Wolf 1: It was brilliant!
who are in no moodfor any more nonsense.Shetries lYolf 2z Fantastic!
",
'ontheshoe')
'llt's
wo{f3:superr
Ohgoodness,
perfect. I wasmadefor thisslipper.
ilhankvou,God,for turningmeintoa royalfigure, DaddyBear:Veryinteresting.

i (Wipestearfrom eyes.)
il,IammyBearzTouching.
i

'i.-*-
 t-
-/
abyBear: I lovedit, especiallytheUgly Sisrers. Retlection: Not you, you horrible-lookingcowl
You see,yourmajesties, we alwaysthoughtyou
humansthoughtthatyou wereall beautiful. llicked Queen:What areyou talking about?Whatare
yousaying?
DaddyBear: All humanslook thesameto me.
Reflection:It's quitesimple.Up untii now you used
IvlanrmyBear; Do you haveany morewonderful to be themostbeautifulwomanin all theland.But
storieslike that- with horriblehumansin them? now I'm afraidthatyourlovetystep-daughter Snow
White is morebeautiful.
Prince:Thousandsl
WickedQueen:What?That'scrazy.
Queen:Millions!
Retlection:Sorry.I may be a Magic Mirror but I have
' to tell the truth.
Haveyou everheardof ,Snow
Xrng; Quintrillions!
lVhite andthe SevenDwarfs'?
lYickedQueen:Guards!Take it away.
I (Enrer Guards.TheyremoveMirror.) C .,/
ilnlfL I0,(., l{;(o
.All:Nol t .fz/ lr
Huntsman!(EnterHarry Huntr^on.1 )y'9
King:Bring on the'SnowWhite' story.Comc, hlw)
f{iends,let us sit andwatch morefun in Blunderland! Huntsman: You called,your highness.
Narrator: Seeher?That's theWickedeuein.,Do you know
lYickedQueen.'TakeSnowWhite to theforestand
why shg'smad angry?Well, you see,sherecentlymarried
chopout her heart.Leaveher for dead.
the King. He andhis first wife had a beautifulchild called
SnowWhite.Whenhis wifedied, the King marriedagain.
Huntsman: But, your highness,that'smurderin the
His new wife, here(Fnsbwickd Oueen)usedto bb themost
beautifulwomanin theland. Every day shewould askher first degree.
h{agicMinor whowasthefairestof themall.The Minor usedto
repll','You arethemostbeautifulin all theworld!' But one lYickcdQueen:Justdo asyou're told, Huntsman,or
davthe Queengot a nasg shock.(Exit Narrator,) you toowill getthechop.

bring in my Magic Mirror.

lllickedQueen.'Guards, (Both exit.EnterNanator.)
Guard1: Will thatbe all, Madam?
Narrator: And so poorHarry Huntsmanhadhis
lf ickedQueen:Yesl Now get out! ordersto chopout SnowWhite's heartandleaveher
'i
for deadin theforest.But the questionis: wasHarry
Guard2: Certainly,your mostwonderfulone. Huntsmanhard.X.enough to hatchetheartsso heart-
lessly?
Guard1: Justcall if you needus,Madam.
Guard2: Yeah,just give us a shout.- | - y (Exit Narrator. Enter Snow lWite with Harry Hunts-
* man.)
lYickedQueen:Get out! \{
(Exit Guards.)
Now, then,whathavewe here? SnowlYhite:You've beenvery quiettoday,Harry.Is
on yourmind?
theresomething
lYickedQueen: Okay,let's begin.
Ir,[irror.Mirror on my wall, Huntsman:No, oh prettyone.
Who is the fairest and the most gorgeous
of them all?
1^r' Snow|Yhite:You seemvery downhearted
quitebrokenhearted.
- in fact,

Reflection:Not you,you ugly-lookingbat.

Htrnlsman:(he brealudownin tears)Oh, Snow
White,I haveinstructionsto chopout your heartand
lYickedQueen:How dareyou!
leaveyou for deaddeepin the forest.The Wicked
Queenisjealousof yourbeautY.
(SlrcslapsReflection'scheeks- at thesametinre
Refiectiotrslapsher back.)
SnowlYhite:But that'scrazy.l'm only eight.

i}ollr; Ouch!Don't do thatagainl

Iluntsnan: I know,but she'ssojealoushermind's
gonewild. Shewantsyou dead.Finito, Caput.Bye
lYickedQueen:l-et'sstartagain.
byeforever!

Mirrorin mv hall
Ivlirror. Strowll'hitc:But, Harry,you'renot goingto ...
of themall?
Whois theprettiest
 Htntsmii: Of coursenot,I haven'igot theheart.But Rellection:Not you, you wrinkledwartface!
I cen'tbringyou backto thepaiaceor we'll bothdie. \
I')ljust leaveyou here.I know there'sa gangof White?With herourof theway who couldpossibly'
dwarfsaroundheresomewhere. They'll find you soon -o
be morebeautifulthanI?
andprobablyadopt^ Ayou. Goodbye,little one.
'\
(ExitHarry.)
ff,.^$nr<,a ReJlectio
n : SnowWhire!
lYickedQueen.'But she'sdead. Harry Huntsmanchopped
Snou'lYhite:Comeback,Harry!Harry ... Oir no,I'm out her heart.
all alone,But wait.What'sthatI hear?.. . thepitter-
patterof tiny voices.It mustbe - the SevenDwarfs. Reflection:Oh no he didnlt.
AttD*'arfs: Y"h((q II
I I ll lYickedQueen:What?
h' \'rfr/'
Hi Ho,Hi Ho, ReJlection:He hadn'tthc heartto chopout her
It's off to rvorkwe go, 'heart.
Weworkall daybutgetnopay,
HiHo, Hi Ho,Hi Ho,Hi, Ho. WickedQueen..ThenI'll chopout his. Guards,get
Harry Huntsmanandbring me an axe! .
Dv,arf1: Hey.Who thehell is she?
Guard1: Too late,your highness, Harry's hopped
D v a r f 2 : M y G o d ,s h e ' st a l l ! it on horseback.
Dx,arf3: Prettytoo! lYickedQueen..Takethis mirror away,I'm going to
find SnowWhite myself.I'll give her this poisoned ^t
Dtarf 4: Prettyawful! apple.Whensheswallowsonebite;shewill sleep Vf
-
Dx'arf 5 : Ah shutup, Grumpy, WickedQueent:Tell me, dear,would you know where
I might find the Number22 busstop?
Dx'arf 6: Don't mindhim, he'salwaysgrumpl'.He
hateseverybody.
SnowWhitezSure.Yori walk four miles east,You\ 7
'Numbe{
cometo a hugeoak treewith a sign saying
Dwarf 7: Who hateseverybody? you can'tmissit.
22 busstoptwo milesnorth'-
/ \
All Dx'arfs: Ah rvakeup, Dozy!
lYickedQueen:Oh thankyou, little girl: Pleasetake
this appleas a presentfrom me for your help.
Dv'arf 1: Now, dear,don't worry.lf you'relostwe'll
SrrotvlYhite: Oh thanks!l,{:i:rn ... I love apples.
take1'ouhome.We know this forestlike thebackof
(Takeshugebite.) Aaghaagh!... (Shefalk to the
our hands,don'twe, boys?
floor, holding onto the apple.Shekeepsthe apple she
hasbitlen in her mouth.)
AII Dwarfs: Suredo!
WickedQueen:Ha ha ha! Now that'stheendof her.
(EnterNarrator.)
Ha ha ha ho ho ho!

Snou'lYhite;But it's not thateasy. All Dwarfs:Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work *. Snow
Whitel
( {Strcntinres
an es:plartation.
TheDwarfs mf,ue,e-l'
f_sponse,) ) Dtvarf6: Quick,call Doc!
Narrator: SnowWhite explainedher problemto Doc
andtherestof thedwarfs,They told lrer not to worry, D*'art 1: I'm here.(Hefeelsher pulse.)
andjust asHarryHuntsmanpredictedtheyadopted
her.Sheworkedin theirtiny cottagearrdkeptit nice Dx,arf2: Is shedead?
andciean.But that'snot theendof thislittlestorv. ')
Dwarf 1: No. But she'sin a deepsleep.I reckonshe'll
'
(Exit Narrator,SnowWtite atrd.Dwarfs,Enter \2" be like thisfor aboutonehundredyears.Unless...
Guardscarrying Rcflection, WickedQueen.The
ninte gamebehveenlYickedQueenand Reflectiort AllDvarfs: Unlesswhat ...?
beginsagain)
Drvarf 1: Unlessa handscmeprincecancomealong
' in a flashl
lYickedQueen:
Dwarf 2: But wherearewe goingto find sucha guy
in this forest?
lr{irror,
Mirroronthewall
; Whois thefairestof themall?
j
I
i
 Queen:whar'srhatnoise?
/uick:you caried,
ohlittjeones? t
nceFiashinquick! yousomeone
stayinghereat themoment,
f:::;r"^"t
'inquick:Theveryman!
what seems
to w+ft: pfr.Maybeit,s bursiars.
at- Snow White,)
w '-"""' " t"'E'J Mammy Bear" No. This
teePmgbeauty! Noproblem!
probtem! is a Iovery
tlrj,r *"nrn;g,"r.ii'rE"E neighbourhood
-
headandthepieceofapple '
E"n'"
wntrewakesup') fallsout' nonyaear: rknow. i ui.tit,, Gordilocks
dndher
[o,,y fri;n; i;;-n.a
nioing Hood.comeout
white:Mvprince! messers andler'sbd il;;;y;rn,!1",.,here
i;;.*.
';::;';;"1"]1,0""""' D_addy
Bear; Hold it, son.
"- - "stLQunasnndsinfr ontofBa!
/ A I I Dwa r f s : M y g o o d n e ss! ^A,
(l vrl C ?t(- t.,
L'Lt^K4
tr.,ffirliouthishandandstandsinrrontqr
u::r l,
r m::ii$,:1.!:-"1Yhite mer hero,in.J. ii., tf *':;:"*:; llo:" Iand
where peopre
and
marriedthefollowing.y.:k animalsshouldlive togetheri" lr#"ii.' """
i" it"g. .Jrrr"";fin.
Flashinquickpaiace.All the "
dwa-r-fs-ati-nd.O. Oo.
wasbestmanandtheyall BabyBear: But,Dad,they
hadr gr;;;; Apart, rhat
- startedit.
is' fiom Grumpy!snow white,
frin., rirrrri,iqui.t
7 Daddy
Bear; I know,butwe can,t
oi-r'i'na'
::.rt'1l,','""ry,ffffiTtil'r".'.o,!|j 'na,I - ? i ,r,'t,io"ywcY€
*.,u. affordto continue.
" "):4T"JL seen
s€€rtherast
rrrior-rny
orantroubie in
,.;:"'": vtusl9-ei';;.'il",i.
\ExrtJnowrvhitercast
indNarrator. -{ff^rl
Enterxirg,
Queen,Prince,wolvesandBears.) DaddyBear.whath:lve you
, !j:!,yrotrue,
to sayfor yourseives? two got
BabyBear: Thatwasa fabulous
story' Gordirocks:*.':: sorry,
Bears,
---"' but
vurwe
wr didn,trearise
MammyBear;It broughttears thatanimais
hadfeeiinis.-
to my eyes.sucha
sweetlittlegiri.
DaddyBeai: I lovea happyending.

rl'olf 1: How manyof these my Granny'ttt".:_t

storiesarethere? ,rr. ,*'r, uoou,
her.I wr l1o.. ".p
attacking ,ou
y,rl,llli"ktheycourdrearycatchonamongthe
::Hiff'ffij::J$iJ'Jd:$ff';::i,:':#,
animalchildren
in Blunderland.

iii#!"'r.',T,T{HilTJrff;:ff1::r';.
odd animalprogramme. #*ir*ii*#itiiff:;:r;it,: rrv'r t'E consider'Attackinggrannies
ii1 giu. nl. a bad
name.

j;,;,',n]il,:;ll,l,if
:'if'v;#,r,l;:'.',[ff ii;,yl'^ purrn,Hey,
stalk'.
ut:d 0*?.t/"|hfu
_-. i think
it,stime!
Queen:'Rumpeistirtll*, , ,l
, . I-.g1ol.
Prince:,AJiBaba',,AJaddin,s iF %Cr; d//;rimerorwhat?
,<
King:r-ook,
i'uteu,"",*nr,*f*iIffi togoand
fr[sAtf,ko'Queen:Time rivehappiry
everafrer.
r:ri^rt*''
Babv
Bear:No,
(Looks
ver atwatch)
i:,'li,l,':""!!iffi:ili*fiil.'**:n:i;,.*
'i'"i.i.'.'ito",.
' :ilSi1l?,',:ii.'J;
' rI: or,n.
,l youandrewriti
"'cnrnvolve
.4//:
No?
honcsriyl iii.* *o*
u.o,,":to" Therearestill
threeseconds.
Bear:Hey... youcouldcalloursrory,Boldirocks
]..aby .-v'er
' hreeSuper rvLr\.
andine
d'u the Ail: Three
Bears'. ... trvo,.. one... ByEl
ByEl ByEl
l]'otf3: you couldcalimy story,Littie
,MeetsWonderWojf,. Dreaded
RidingHood
 2
Kto,B
..,j,jiHrLLERi .r.,,.
.i:.MILLERI
S' DAUGHTER
RUMPELSTTLTSKIN
t{EssENcnR\effir eu4fp
STORY TELLER

llved a K1ng. He was

had one .Jaurt, he ioveadi:-;;-";"'ii*ululj"Et*rlir[l : sood Klng but he
getn o r e . / o n e d a v b l s n e sse n fe i was iii- lt"""tr ' age] aDout how he could
HTILER, bou are such a good_sweet r
paea,
good sweet -vJ"-iiv*tiii
chird. you
child vou i"iriZ"erythlng
turn/cver'r, into gold.
|+ffl3tl ;,,::"^:Tasserati
MTLLER : Hush chlld!
##u!;=iJi"r'lfl"n e .
SToRYTELLER: And do you know the nessenger rushed back to
tell the Klng. ilre parace to
the vilrase
theword
is, rhe
K r N G :W e l l ! w h a t ' ! s k e e p i n g y o u ? r e t c h n"riT
iiiiiry!lg,".ir::i,*:*":il;"n::::"";l:". -cne-girr
HE SS EN G E : Ry e s yo u r u l j e i ti t_ rtri i -rniir u#- vour at once !
K I N G: I ' l . I d a n s e a j i g _ i f i h r s w o r k s . HaJesty.
s,W6aptue-.messe-fg"e?t6tr -]'r-a
KrNG: Nowdeai, ru! alons into rnv rri}'ui"fi" f cffine?r rhe sirr.
and a little heap oFstrai i o r y o u "5ii"r,"p;-i;;G-lei
a spinrng wheer
to spln into sold. ";
DAUGHTER, i
Krl{G : Jaretlr""ii";';i_;;ril"j!5.i"'-'3oi?.tn":lt;"n:::.
! guaid'the 6oor carefully
away. ionight, sh€ migrrt }rant to r*n
: y e s s i r ! Wh a t e ve r yo u say Slr .
G A UR D
D A UGH T E: R o h F i ss! w h a t a- om.r-g
n otng to
irlrposslble. (starts to cry) - - do? How can r .do- som ethinggr at r s
a6aii'
: w e l l ll ttl e " si rl ' w r,a i -- tir to you
;:$:t sive r ne if r tur n ur is hay inro
: r am,,"iy noor.ll (*,0* oofui*f *o ftua ld$..
DAUGHTER
sXil:ii'-T"I 3ff;:":n:":"1drinsvo"i'irt#'' e'1"voui rI
lgYfEL : Risht - 1"! me set crackins ?- , Qof$
:I3:XT:1":*;-::
D A U G H ? E R : H e r T.:'I:1
e r ! t 1 e r i:::_n:1r-:
n g a s p ' " ' i ",;g
sooni | t EG":lr-ef/Hiread
" i i a : " . i I " f fnuuCt|.lIeaqy. ready.
STORY: The s,trange lit$ man aisapp""i"6l in tlie
open the workroom. mor-ning the klng cane ro
Kiltg :- opeu up Jareth, t@.
go!.d thread. Hhat is this f see { spools of
Tha'u rs rarrffii""i *or" g"rdl-i w111 think of sone
reward for you later. al y
DAUGHTER: your Highness please fetl)ffe go [ome
KfNG:Not yet. Tonlght you will spin t"i"t-as much, or f'll have your head
so see to it !

' -*A

,'.''
I
 &

' ,'i; ;
:' i,

]t ,
Lv-

'
,j"
..,

naq->
'--)-
: Oh Sir rt,s rnpdilibiS.l
: Ndbense ne dear. .tlretb You fiuard the nllIer' s daughterT€6alght.
GUARD! Yes Your HaJestY.
DAUGHTER; O dear, what w111 I do ?
4
RU'|PEL : Oh - here I an aga1n, tbls tlne Ir11 have that lovly ndchlace that
yourre wearing.
DAUGHTER: Oh have ltt f donrt care anylnore.
sToRyTELLEn : so once nore tbe funny lltt1e nan sat down at the sPtnnlng
wheel and worked for a few hours. In the nornlng all was ready.
KING : Gaurd open up. tthy - yes nore gold He.Ll-done-Jy dear. Just one
nore tlme lf you do thls you !t111 be ny Queen'
DAUGHTER: Pllase donrt aak Ee to do 'tbls your Hajesty'
KING: Thls is the last tlne. Jareth gaurd the doorltonlght
DAuGHTER: tonlghi lft.i" ii nothlng I can do' :";
R U M P E L: o h y e s t h e r e l s . t^-Y
' DAUGHTER : oh no there lsn't. V
-RUMPEL: Do you pronise ne whatever I ask'
fiioijliit* i""ii'r have nothine to sive vou. .
s r r f h' \ t ' ( ^
I nuMpsl : That is not what r ask.
I ijeijiHieR ; i-nive'nottrlns, but I suppose I'11 give vou Xh[t Y]u ask.
t+uupsL : Right tt is done ! ;. t ,l- tl
s@o*-(.eL >cc5
: KING: lfell now-ai-e you mi deJr, yon look pale but we will be narried soon.
4
S T O R Y T E L L E R : A nsdo t h e y vtere.The Klng spent rnuch of his tine naklng his I
wife happy.The followi.ng year the Queen gave birth to a beautlful baby
g1rl.She was thrilled.
- KfNG:Now we have everything.
r,,f-.
STORYTELLER:Butthat night the-little f u n n y m a n c a m e to see the ygung
Queen.
,nr here to colleqt. f 'lI have the baby.
I R U M P E Lf :
. D A U G H T E R : N oot u r b a b y a n y t h i n g else.Oh please slr I never dld you any
harn.why would you harm ne.
RUMPEL:TeII you what if you can tell ne teIl rireny nane at the end of three
days you can keep your baby.Other-wise the baby is nine.
sToRYTELLER:tlr€-trtrfday th6 Queen sent her neiseirger all over the country ^ L-r,
' seirchlng for nanes.On the }ast flay the ggitCd*..Fd lnterestlng news, g$t+.e.4-
j GUARD:Your Majesty,I saw ti?!te" funny llTtle rnari sdylng.pobody will guess ^ril\
. ny nane for lt is RUHPELS?ILTSKTN
DAUGHTER:Oh thank you ,you will be rewarded:. ^ n
S T o R Y T E L L E R : T I r an ti g h t . I t' r_ _ {
RLTHPEL:HeIIhave you had any success.d\\Ue-{ 0\{ nV\ 4+E-
D A U G H T E R : I sl t . C h r i s t o p h e r ?-z

3xU:il,iT"l"t""3f,;ffif(
\
\ \

RUHPEL: No it is no! , ?
DAUGHTER
: Is it ;#+t?crry ? lh{T f.
RUMPEL : No it i-s not
DAUGHTER: Is it Joseph-Hary-Cet'dldl
R U M P E L : O cf o u r s e n o t .
D A U G H T E R : T h eins i t R u m p e l s t i l t s k i n
&UHPEL:(BANCINGHIS FOOT ON DOHN}. t1\f [c
How did yorr f ind otrt.Yotr must be nlagic
S T O R Y T E L t , g P . ^ : W e!l l H e w a s s o m a d h e s t a m p e d h i s o t i r e r f o o t s o h a r d t h a t h e
dissapesred tlrrQirgh the fl.oQr;.And d,r yoi,l kn,rw hhat?The King and Qrreen
and their babl' .ltld al. l. thpi f FeqPle li','eci happil-v ever af ter:. I I

..j: