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THE NEW LIFE LIBRARY

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THE TANTRIC
WAY 0 VING
A HOLISTIC
GUIDE TO
SENSUAL
EXPLORATION
THE NEW LIFE LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC
WAY OF LOVING
THE NEW LIFE LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC
WAY OF LOVING
A HOLISTIC GUIDE TO SENSUAL EXPLORATION

NITYA LACROIX

~SELECT
EDITIONS
Select Editions imprint specially produced for Selectabook Ltd

Produced by Anness Publishing Limited


Hermes House, 88-89 Blackfriars Road, London SE1 8HA

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,


stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without
the prior written permission of the copyright holder.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

© Anness Publishing Limited 1999


Updated © 2000
3 5 79 10 8 642

Publisher: Joanna Lorenz; Editor: Debra Mayhew; Insides designed by: DW Design; Stylist: Cia ire Louise Hunt;
Hair and Make-up: Nadia V. Persaud; Models: Ralph Beck, Daz Crawford, Kay Marshall, Kerry Anne Martin
Production Controller: Yolande Denny; Editorial Reader: Kate Henderson
Main photography by: Alistair Hughes; Additional photos by: Michelle Garrett.

SAFER-SEX PRACTICES
It is wise for all sexual partners to follow the medical guidelines of safer sex practices to protect themselves from
sexually transmitted diseases, including the HIV virus which can develop into AIDS . Always avoid the exchange
of body fluids, which include vaginal secretions, semen and blood, by using latex condoms and a spermicide.

PUBLISHER'S NOTE
The reader should not regard the recommendations, ideas and techniques expressed and described in this book
as substitutes for the advice of a medical practitioner or other qualified professional. Any use to which the
recommendations, ideas and techniques are put is at the reader's sole discretion and risk.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 6
THE CHAKRAS 10
EQUILIBRIUM AND HARMONY 12
EMOTIONAL HONESTY 14
THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING 16
THE ART OF AROUSAL 18
FEMALE EROTICISM 20
MALE EROTICISM 22
RITUALS OF DEVOTION 24
PERFUMES OF LOVE 25
AROMATICS FOR INTIMACY 26
SENSUAL AROMATICS 28
THE TOUCH OF LOVE 30
TENDER STROKES 32
SENSUAL STROKES 34
MASSAGING INTIMATE AREAS 36
A LOVING FACE MASSAGE 38
A RELAXING RITUAL 40
FINDING TRANQUILLITY 42
AWAKENING ENERGY 44
MERGING SEXUAL ENERGY 46
ONENESS WITH NATURE 48
THE FIVE SENSES 50
A SANCTUARY OF LOVE 52
DIVINE LOVE-MAKING 54
THE MAN'S CONSCIOUS PASSION 56
THE SEXUAL POWER OF A WOMAN 60
ECSTATIC LOVE-MAKING 62
INTRODUCTION

T o follow the path of tantric


loving is to take a holistic
approach to your partnership.
develop the equilibrium within their
relationships. Tantric loving helps
you to create a safe haven within
By dedicating yourselves mind, body your hearts and the privacy of your
and spirit to your relationship, you home to foster a deep sense of respect
are making a mutual commitment to and love for each other.
enhance its happiness and intimacy. Tantric loving is not simply a
The modern tantric path derives its sexual technique, but rather a
influences from the ancient Eastern commitment to live a more conscious
tradition of Tantra, but many of its life in every respect. It has a spiritual
concepts remain relevant for the dimension, even though it does not
modern couple. Indeed, with all the ~ This statue depicts the require a specific belief or religious
stresses that impinge on our lives pathway of the energy viewpoint. It perceives a sexual
today, couples often need to find centres in the body relationship to be not only the
imaginative ways to preserve and physical union of two people, but

" Emotional and physical harmony is


enhanced by a meditative and tantric
approach to love-making.

6
INTRODUCTION

a re-enactment of the divine principle of union that the basic concepts of tantric loving that may help
governs the whole of Existence. Tantra teaches that to enhance the ecstasy of your love-making.
it is the perfect merging of the cosmic male principle There is a temperance in the passion of tantric
with the cosmic female principle that creates love-making which makes it qualitatively different
universal harmony and equilibrium. So tantric love- from normal sexual activity. To experience this
making is an invitation to the sacred mystery of the alternative way of making love may require you to
universe to enter into sexual intercourse. change your established patterns of sexual behaviour,
This book does not but remember that the
aim to reveal or teach teachings of Tantra do
the disciplines and not exclude or make
secrets of traditional judgement on any kind
Tantra, which began to of sexual activity as long
flourish in parts of India as it is embarked upon in
and Tibet about 5,000 the spirit of love and
years ago. True disciples mutual pleasure. Tantra
would spend years under perceives that all sexual
the guidance of a teacher rela tionships contain the
to initiate them into the essential element of
progressive series of merging and union, and
esoteric practices, known therefore have the
as "Kundalini-yoga". potential for a higher
These practices include spiritual experience.
advanced yogic postures Explore tantric love-
and breathing making at a pace that
techniques, meditation, suits you both. Do not
chanting and sexual yoga put pressure on each
for the purpose of other to achieve any
attaining a state of .. Tantra teaches that your sexual relationship should kind of pre-set goal, and
spiritual enlightenment be filled with pleasure and joy. Relax and have fun do not deny yourselves
or cosmic consciousness. and always bring laughter and playfulness into your the type of sexual
This book's purpose is to sexual interaction. activity you have always
take and adapt some of enjoyed. Ritualize your

7
INTRODUCTION

tantric love-making in withhold his ejaculation


the ways described so completely, releasing it
that you do not confuse not more than three
it with the occasions times in ten sexual
when you want to episodes. According
indulge in excitement to tantric, and Chinese
and hot passion, fast Taoist teachings, the
sex, fantasy sex and ejaculation of semen
the quick orgasm. As causes a depletion of
you increasingly allow vital life energy which
stillness and meditation weakens the man, both
into your love-making spiritually and
your sexual ecstacy physically. Tantra, in
will start to become particular, teaches that
more profound. Most the energy of orgasm
of all, remember that can be harnessed as a
the love life you forge force for inner trans-
with your beloved is formation. Instead of
unique to your own dissipating semen the
relationship. Let that man should moderate
relationship be full of his excitement, and
joy and playfulness through the use of
as you embark on the breath and thought
sensual adventure of control draw the force
tantric loving. of his orgasmic energy
A major emphasis in upwards so that it
tantric love-making is ascends towards the
on the man's retention brain, opening up
of his orgasm. In some A Hindu art of a past era frequently illustrated the love internal psychic
schools of traditional rituals and sexual activities of the aristocracy in the energy centres to bring
Eastern thought, the exotic settings of their boudoirs. him to a higher state
man is advised to of realization.

8
INTRODUCTION

~ The erotic sculptures of the


Konarak and Kha;uraho temples
in India depict the ascent of the
human spirit from ordinary
copulation to a transcendental
state of sexual union.

"f" In tantric love-making, the


man surrenders himself into the
energy of the woman, adoring her
with every touch, without losing
control of his passions.

9
INTRODUCTION

THE CHAKRAS
The concept of a subtle energy body is an important of cosmic bliss. Conscious sexuality, says Tantra,
principle in Tantra. For centuries, Eastern unleashes a powerful force within the body, known
philosophies, religions and healing traditions have as "Kundalini energy". The Kundalini is active
recognized that an etheric energy body exists parallel fema le creative energy manifested in all universal
to the physical body. There are seven major energy matter. Normally, the Kundalini lies dormant within
centres, known as chakras, located in specific areas us, but when it is awakened by yogic practices,
of this energy body. These chakras interact with the meditation and sexual activity, it ascends through
existential universal forces, which are governed by a the energy body on its potential journey to the crown
divine Cosmic Consciousness. The human body, then, chakra, the seat of cosmic oneness and bliss. Each
according to Tantra, is a hallowed temple that chakra is associated with one of the rainbow colours,
contains the energetic potential to merge with a state see right, and with a certain level of vibration.

... The Kundalini sexual


energy in Tantra is a
feminine creative force
often portrayed as an
uncoiled serpent.

... FAR LEFf: Sit together and


breathe meditatively into
each chakra. Focus especially
on the heart chakra, which
is the energy centre for love,
merging and empathy.

10
I NTRODUCT I ON

Located between the eyebrows, Ajna is


often referred to as the "third eye" and Located above the crown of the head,
is the seat of intuition or "sixth sense". Sahasrara is associated with self-realization,
It is associated with higher knowledge, cosmic consciousness, bliss and total unity
intellect and compassion. Indigo. with the whole. Violet.

Located between the nipples, the


heart chakra or Anahat relates to
love, empathy, joy and the union
of body and spirit, as well as the Located in the throat, Vishuddha
merging of male and female is associated with self-awareness,
polar energies. Green. purity, expression and
communication. Blue.

Located just below the navel,


Swadhishtana is the source
of vital life energy, and is the
core centre of balance and The Manipur or solar plexus
gravity within us. It relates chakra resides at a central point
to emotion, reproduction and beneath the rib cage and is associated
sexual drive. Orange. with intellect, power, will, ego and
action. Yellow.

Located at the base of


the sex organs, the base
chakra or Muladhara is
associated with survival and
sexuality, pain and pleasure. Red.

11
EQlJILIBRIUM AND HARMONY

T he search for union and harmony is at the


heart of tantric teaching. It seeks to restore
equilibrium between the polar masculine and
feminine forces which govern the whole of Existence.
considerations and, while it has a vitality and binding
energy of its own, its very nature is one of transience.
Holistic loving is more enduring and is rooted in the
acceptance of our own and the other person 's
According to Tantra, the relationship between a man humanity. We all have our own particular strengths
and woman is a microcosmic enactment of the and weaknesses, and respecting and caring for these
fundamental law which rules the whole of the Universe. qualities in another person establishes the basis of
Strife occurs when these two opposing energies are equality in a relationship so that the games of power
discordant with each other. When they are in harmony, and manipulation cannot take hold.
the polar energies complement Intimacy develops when we
each other and merge as one. share our thoughts, feelings and
Bliss, says Tantra, arises out of bodies with our beloved. We
the state of perfect union. cannot hide away one part of
A tantric relationship is one ourselves and expect to be
that enjoys a deep emotional and available and open with another.
sexual intimacy and is built on a Lovers should reach out to each
strong foundation of honest and other in a holistic way, bringing
sincere communication. Mutual heart, mind, body and soul into
trust is essential if openness, their communion. Sometimes this
confidence and respect - all is painful because we may have to
fundamental ingredients of an lower the defences we have
intimately bonded partnership - carefully constructed against the
are to flourish. hurts and bruises of life, and
These qualities are not perhaps experienced in previous
necessarily present in the first .& Respect and mutual support relationships. It may require deep
flush of sexual excitement that enables a relationship to flourish and and honest soul-searching to find
invariably accompanies the mature in ways that benefit and bring within ourselves the causes of our
beginnings of a relationship. strength to both sexes. own internal pain, so that we do
Passion can easily override other not always blame the other

12
E QU I LIB R I U M AND HARMONY

person for our difficulties or neediness. It takes nurtured. We cannot afford to fix our loved one or
tolerance and generosity of imagination to understand ourselves into a comfortable rut, for each of us has our
that the other person's needs and opinions may be own personal destiny as well as the destiny we share
different from our own. It demands courage to speak with each other. Our emotional and sexual lives are
honestly and clearly about what we are feeling and undoubtedly enriched when we are able to reveal the
what we personally need from the relationship. The truth of who we are, and in doing so find a deep and
organic growth of intimacy must be constantly genuine acceptance of each other.

'f' The capacity to be vulnerab le with each other enables 'f' Let your combined masculine and feminine strengths
great tenderness to develop between you . become a complementary influence in your relationship.

13
E QU I LIB R I U M AND HARMONY

EMOTIONAL HONESTY
Resolving issues of conflict as and when they arise When you feel that the need is there, allocate
between yourself and your partner will ensure that a period of time to discuss the issues that are
your love-making stays spontaneous and unimpeded troubling you and causing conflict. Each partner
by hidden resentments and anger which might should have a precise period (between 5-10
otherwise create tensions between you. minutes at anyone time) to discuss their issues
Tantric loving is an holistic calmly and without
experience. You cannot give interruption. The other
yourself wholeheartedly to partner should listen
the sexual experience if you carefully to what is being
are holding back on an said, trying to remain
emotional level. Committing receptive to the other's
yourselves to setting aside words without becoming
quality time for discussing defensive. When it is your
underlying problems and turn, you will ha ve the
comprehending each other's opportunity to put
point of view will help all forward your own point
aspects of your relationship of view in the secure
to remain healthy. knowledge that you, too,
Communicating and will be heard calmly and
listening to each other in without interruption. Be
a positive way, in spite of conscious of your body
the difficult issues that need language, adopting a
to be discussed, is a posture that is relaxed
relationship skill. It does not and open so that your
always come easily and you stance is not intimidating,
may need to suspend rigid closed or submissive,
opinions in order to hear ~ The willingness to communicate your but instead welcomes
and respond to the feelings feelings instils vitality into your relationship. communication and an
of your partner. exchange of views.

14
E QU I LIB R I U M AND HARMONY

~ Talk clearly and


simply about what
you need and
want. Take
responsibility by
placing your words
in the context of
"1" rather than
"you". Accusation
and blame will
only alienate him.

~ When talking,
try not to
dominate
by raising your
voice or being
condescending.
Do not be afraid
to show your
vulnerability.
Trust that
she will listen A Indicate through body language that you are supportive.
to you. Leaning towards your partner, maintaining eye contact and
taking his or her hand in your own are gestures that show
that you are interested in their point of view.

15
E QU I LIB R I U M AND HARMON Y

THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING


Your sexuality is a precious and intrinsic part of your each other sexually, or use sexual secrets shared
nature, and deserves to be treated with respect. In an between you against each other.
intimate and tantric relationship, lovers should be Find ways to show each other what you like and
able to trust each other implicitly with their bodies want sexually in an atmosphere of playfulness and
and their sexuality. When mutual reverence is there, co-operation. Go to the bedroom together, not
there are no sexual boundaries or rules except for specifically to have sexual intercourse, but to
those decided upon by the two individuals concerned. explore new realms of physical pleasure and to
Physical intimacy develops as you open up to each discover more about each other's sexual preferences.
other, sharing your sexual thoughts, feelings, fears,
desires and fantasies. Create time to talk to one T Exploring every inch of his skin with your lips will increase
another about these things, but do so only when there his sensual awareness of his body and enlighten you to his
is no underlying tension between you. Never criticize sexual responses.

16
E QU I LIB R I U M AND HARMONY

Choose a time when there are no outside pressures Play-act some of your erotic fantasies together.
or interruptions, and when neither of you is tired. Be open to experimenting with something new, but
Touch and stroke each other, using different always be respectful of your own or your partner's
means of tactile contact such as your lips, tongue, boundaries. Never pressurize your lover into
fingers and body parts, so that you become familiar performing a sexual act against his or her will.
with all of your partner's body. Tell each other in Sharing these sexual intimacies, and revealing
what manner and where you especially like to be yourselves in this way, enables you both to relax
touched and kissed. Show each other how you want deeply with each other. While fantasy and excitement
to be caressed and stimulated on your most intimate is not the essence of tantric love-making, you should
areas. Guide each other on how to stroke, lick and first be able to embrace and enjoy all aspects of your
kiss the genital parts to increase arousal. Male and sexuality without guilt or judgement. Always treasure
female sexual needs and responses can vary greatly, the information that your lover imparts about his or
so learn from each other the different ways to bring her sexuality. In the same way, you should honour
sexual joy to a partner of the opposite sex. your own sexual uniqueness .

... Learn from her how and where she loves to be touched and ... Sexual tension dissolves more easily if you are able to be
caressed by you, and take pleasure in her whole body erogeny. playful with each other on a physical level.

17
THE ART OF AROUSAL

S exual wisdom acknowledges that a man's


passion is generally aroused more quickly than
a woman's and is faster to reach its climax,
The art of arousal is in the sensual awakening
of the body as a whole, and in the presence of being
that you bring into your every touch and caress.
while a woman's sexual arousal is slower to ignite Experience each moment of physical contact for its
but endures longer. In the art of love-making, the own pleasurable sake rather than as a means to an
couple should aim to harmonize these differences end. Do not rush into intercourse or hurry towards
so that the progress of their sexual arousal becomes your climax, but rather lose yourselves in the joy
more balanced, and enables them to reach mutual of extended sensual foreplay. Take time to hold each
satisfaction. In tantric love-making, great emphasis other and breathe slowly and deeply together,
is placed on a woman's natural right to reach her establishing eye contact on occasions to strengthen
peak of sexual ecstasy. The man must therefore learn your intimacy and emotional connection. When you
to pace his passion and to make love to his partner do close your eyes, concentrate on the sensations
selflessly and, by doing so, his patience is rewarded that each kiss and caress stirs within you and savour
by his partner's joy. the pleasure of each one .

... Not every touch has to excite. Arousal levels can be ... She will love to feel your kisses covering every inch of her
allowed to rise and fall naturally. Linger enjoyably by skin. Let your lips brush and anoint the back of her body,
tenderly and teasingly stroking intimate parts of his body. and tease her intimate areas.

18
THE ART o F AROUSAL

... Every part of her body is worthy of your attention and is


erotically sensitive. Take her fingertips into your mouth one
by one; suck them gently, rolling your tongue around them.

~ Kiss as if engaged in the act of making love itself. The


mouth, lips and tongue are highly erotically charged, and
when they meet with willingness and receptivity there is
a fusion of your male and female sexual energies.

19
THE ART OF AROUSAL

FEMALE EROTICISM
When a man makes love to a woman, he should do state of arousal, a woman's nipples may become
so in a manner of reverence and adoration, perceiving erect, her skin may flush and her vaginal juices will
her body as both a temple of delight and an altar of start to flow. Through her words, her sighs and her
devotion. Tantric texts describe a woman's sexuality body's responses, she signals to her lover that she is
as a sacred mystery and a medium through which both emotionally and physically ready to receive him.
she and her male partner can attain physical and In historic Eastern manuscripts relating to sexuality,
spiritua I ecstasy. many elaborate terms were employed to describe a
A woman's whole body is erotogenic and she is woman's most intimate sexual organs - the vagina and
especially sensitive to touch, so her lover should clitoris. Names such as Jewel or Lotus (a sacred Indian
bestow his kisses and caresses on every part of her. flower) are found in the Hindu Tantra, while the
Her sexuality is awakened by and responsive to not Chinese Taoist tradition used poetic terms such as the
only his physical embraces, but also to her sense of Jade Gate, the Valley of Joy and Pearl. These elaborate
bei~g emotionally cherished. A sensitive lover ensures names illustrate the respect accorded to a woman's
that the woman is fully sexually aroused through erotic nature and show that her sexual organs were
loving, mutual foreplay before he enters her. In a perceived as the divine gateway to joy.

<Ill Her whole body <Ill The areas which


will long for your surround her sexual
caresses so embrace organs are also
all parts of her, not erotically charged.
just certain specific Honour this part of
erogenous zones. her with kisses
Stroke and squeeze and sensual touches
her legs and feet as which anoint her
they will be sensitve thighs and belly.
to your touch.

20
THE ART o F AROUSAL

• Tenderly plant your kisses on to her face, letting them


brush her forehead, ears and eyes before your lips meet.
These intimate gestures will open her heart to you.

<OIl Her breasts are highly erogenous and as you kiss and
lick them, and suck her nipples, you will arouse her
sexually. Always touch her breasts with respect.

21
THE ART OF AROUSAL

MALE EROT I C ISM


Visual stimulus generally competition, stamina
plays a considerable part and physical prowess.
in male sexual arousal, as The more subtle nuances
does direct tactile contact of physical and tactile
to the man's major sensuality, which are so
erogenous area - the much a part of sensitive
penis. Without direct tantric love-making, are
stimulation to the penis often neglected. In
and its sensitive tip, the ancient tantric rituals,
glans, it is difficult for a it was customary for the
man to reach an orgasm. male disciple to bathe
It is an essential part of and anoint his body
the art of love-making before participating in
that his lover understands sexual ceremonies.
how to move her pelvis .... Do not focus your attention too directly towards He would engage in
during intercourse, or to his genital organs. First tease and stimulate him, elaborate rites, touching
kiss and caress his sexual nuzzling, licking and kissing his belly and thighs to specific parts of his
organ, so that he gains arouse this erotically charged area. body while chanting
maximum pleasure significant sounds
without coming to a intended to heighten
premature climax. She should seek to learn from her his physical, spiritual and energetic responses to his
partner what manner of erotic strokes and movements sexual partner.
bring him sexual happiness, and to learn from his A man who wishes to embark on the journey
signals when to slow the pace. of holistic love-making will need to become more
Culture has tended to deny men the same physically sensual and sensitive to his own body.
opportunity of experiencing whole body sensuality He should also enjoy the erotic whole-body contact
that it has allowed women to enjoy. From an early of extended foreplay for its own sake, surrendering
age, men are often conditioned into being hardened to his lover's kisses and strokes so that his sexual
and detached from the body, except in the realm of consciousness floods through every part of him.

22
THE ART o F AROUSAL

~ He will love this playful


yet totally sexy feeling of
your body writhing over
his skin. It will make him
aware of the sensuality of
the back of his body as
your breasts and belly
roll over him.

~ Stimulate him on and


around his buttocks.
Caressing and kneading
these fleshy muscles can be
sexually arousing for him,
as is stroking his perineum
and scrotum.

23
RITUALS OF DEVOTION
T antric loving is full of
little ritual acts of
devotion because this is
one way to keep alive the respect
and love in a partnership, and so
continue to honour each other. In
traditional Tantra, the initiates
would offer one another gifts of
flowers, food and wine before
taking part in sexual ceremonies.
They would also anoint each
other, and massage and touch
each other's bodies. These rites
were performed because, to the
tantric disciple, the lover
personified a divine presence.
The elaborate forms of ritual
helped focus the minds of the
disciples on the sacredness of
sexuality. Tantric sex is all about
conscious love-making. Sexual
partners must prepare themselves
and their environment with the
full awareness that they are to
engage in a physical act that is
essentially spiritual in content.

~ Hindu art shows the allure of a


devoted lover honouring his goddess.

24
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

PERFUMES O F LOV E
Tantric lovers have always used fragrance in their Essential oils are essences distilled from a variety
ceremonial rituals. According to tantric teachings, of natural resources such as flowers, herbs, fruits,
smell is the sense that ignites sexual energy. In leaves, roots, sap and the bark of trees. The essences
traditional tantric sexual ceremonies, fragrant potions contain many of the healing properties of their source
blended from woods, plants and herbs were used to plants, and their specific aromas can transform the
anoint the bodies of lovers and to heighten both mood of lovers and create an atmosphere conducive
physical sensuality and spiritual awareness. Today to transcendental love-making. Sandalwood and
you can create your own perfumes of love from the camphor are two of the most popular ceremonial
wide selection of aromatic essential oils available in fragrances, while frankincense and cedarwood have
pharmacies and health shops. Once you understand always been associated with religious significance
their effects and properties you can use them to and worship. Jasmine and rose have long been
enhance your sexual relationship. associated with love and seduction.

A Select the aromatic oils which most appeal to you and A When you prepare to give a massage, add a few drops of
your lover's sense of smell and mood. fragranced essential oils into the basic carrier.

25
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

AROMATICS FOR INTIMACY


Blending aromatic essences in order Certain aromatic essences have a long-established
to create a fragrant atmosphere reputation for their aphrodisiac qua lities:
for love, and to enhance SANDALWOOD has
sensuality, introduces a woody, sweet fragrance " Sandalwood
the important aspect that has a sensual effect
of ritual into your love- on the body and a
making. Aromatic calming influence on
essences, blended to the mind. Like
evoke positive changes sandalwood,
in body, mind and pa tchouli origina tes
... Clary sage soul, contribute from India and was
to that intention. used traditionally in
Develop a sound knowledge of the effects of each tantric ritual. Its enduring
fragrance, and of the physical and mental benefits of musky smell is relaxing yet
the essences' properties. Be guided by your instinctive sexually evocative. JASMI NE, which opens
response to the individual aromas and their combined its heavenly scented flowers at night, has long been
smells. Soon you will notice how . associated with the powerful influences of love.
certain fragrances influence Jasmine absolute has particularly good
mood, instil calm, stimulate effects on male sexuality, helping to
the physical senses, arouse relieve sexual tensions and to
sexual feeling or create a promote physical and emotional
meditative atmosphere. warmth. ROSE ABSOLUTE is the
Those recipes that work on most feminine of fragrances
you and your lover and is associated with love,
holistically are the ones that healing and seduction .
... Ginger are most compatible to tantric love,- It weaves its sweet
making. Use no more than three essential oils magic to dissolve
together at anyone time or your sense of smell emotional wounds and
will become overwhelmed. ... Jasmine encourage the heart to trust

26
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

again. The haunting, bittersweet perfume of NEROLI Citrus-derived essences such . ... Lavender
ABSOLUTE, drawn from orange blossom, is said to as LIME, ORANGE

soothe sexual anxieties while and BERGAMOT

boosting virility and fertility. add zest and


It blends beautifully with an aspect of
rose and jasmine to make playfulness to
a seductive aromatic recipe your love life.
for love-making. YLANG- Some aromatic
YLANG exudes a sweet, essences, such as ,
exotic fragrance and LAVENDER and GERANIUM, are not in themselves
.... Juniper deserves its erotic reputation; aphrodisiacs but instead enhance the mood of
only a few drops equilibrium that is so vital for harmonious love-
should be used as its heady scent can making. JUNIPER is soothing and helps to
be quite overpowering. BASIL, relieve anxiety and nervous tension. The
which also originates from resinous scent of FRANKINCENSE and the
India, is a restorative essential woody aroma of CEDARWOOD both instil
oil with a reputation for igniting calm and serenity, and so are conducive
sexual energy. BENZOIN, BLACK to elevating the mind and enhancing the
PEPPER and GINGER bring warmth spiritual focus of your sexual activity.
to the heart and body, and CLARY Indeed, cedar is a Semitic word which means
SAGE adds a touch of euphoria. .... Benzoin "the power of spiritual strength" .

prescription with a natural vegetable oil


lways select good-quality such as grapeseed, sunflower or almond.
essential oils, storing them in Aromatic essences are potent substances and
a cool place and away from should be used according to the instructions
sunlight. Keep blended oils in darkened glass of the manufacturers or the advice of a
bottles or porcelain containers, but not in a qualified aromatherapist. Seek advice on the
plastic container as they may react against its use and contra-indications of essential oils
chemical composition. Never apply essential oils if you are pregnant, sick, frail or elderly, or
directly on to the skin, but dilute according to prone to skin sensitivity.

27
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

SENSUAL AROMATICS
Essential oils can be used in a variety of ways to
cast their gentle spell on your love life. Before
making love, bathe alone or together with your
partner in water infused with up to seven drops
of aphrodisiac and relaxing essential oils. Blend
the drops into a teaspoon of almond oil and add
the mixture to the water once the bath has filled.
Stir the water thoroughly so the essences are well
dispersed then relax into it, breathing deeply to
inhale the aromas. Select essences that are kind
to the skin and that you are sure will not cause ... Combining candles and fragrance in the bathroom
a skin allergy. intoxicates the senses .

... The perfume of essential oil and ... Aromatic soaps and lotions make bathing a sensual experience .
flowers instils romance.

28
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

By using an aroma burner, you can infuse your


special love chamber with a subtle and inviting
fragrance. Add your selected blend of seven
essential oil drops to the bowl of water and light
the tea-candle beneath it so that the enticing
scented vapour impregnates the atmosphere.
Aromatherapy candles can also be used for the
same purpose.
Aromatic essences can be added to a pure
vegetable oil to deepen the tender experience of
a loving whole-body massage, which you can give
to or receive from your partner. Massage between
lovers can be an experience of emotional and
physical relaxation, or enjoyed as a prelude to
love-making. Create a romantic, uplifting and
sensually inspiring recipe of essential oils, mixing
between 12-14 drops of essences into 25 mill fI
oz/ll/z tsp of vegetable oil.

... The combined effects of massage strokes and the


aromatic influence of scented oils will dispel her tension
and help her to relax.

~ A lighted aroma burner will infuse the room with


fragrance, but do be careful not to leave the lighted
candle unattended.

29
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

THE TOUCH OF LOVE


Touch is one of the most profound means of each other with respect, with tenderness, with
communication between two people. The laying sensuality and with playfulness will greatly
of loving hands upon the body conveys a depth of strengthen your physical and emotional intimacy.
feeling that goes way beyond the impact of words. Learn some of the basic strokes of massage so that
Touch has a direct link with your inner world of you become confident and skilled in the art of touch.
feelings, and through it you can express your Through massage, your hands can relax your lover's
affection, your concern, your pleasure and body, easing away its tensions and restoring a sense
appreciation. To receive the benefits of caring touch of mental peace. Massage revitalizes the whole
upon your body is also a deeply moving experience. physical system, awakens sensuality and enlivens the
The power of nurturing touch imparts the healing skin to its full capacity of feeling. It is the perfect gift
effects of wholeness and integration, and thus for partners to bestow upon each other.
restores a sense of balance and equilibrium between Prepare a relaxing and welcoming environment in
body, mind and spirit. which to give a massage. Ensure that the room is
Explore the world of touch in ways that are not warm and well ventilated, and that the lighting is soft
solely confined to an act of sexual arousal. Touching and soothing. A mattress or duvet placed on the floor

... The soft glow of candles will create a soothing ... Massage is a gift to share, and can be used to soothe and relax, while
atmosphere in which to massage your beloved. enhancing your emotional and physical bond.

30
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

will provide greater support and freedom of a blanket close by to cover your partner if necessary.
movement than massaging on the bed. Cover the base Use your essential oils to create a fragrant
with freshly laundered sheets or bath towels to ambience. Add your chosen blend either to an aroma
protect it from excess oil, and keep clean towels and burner to infuse the atmosphere, or to the massage
oil. Music will enhance the mood of relaxation and
'f' Your partner will appreciate the special care that you romance, but ensure your choice of music does not
have taken in preparing a welcoming massage environment. impose on the calming effects of your strokes.

31
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

TENDER STROKES
The most important element of massage is the caring
quality of presence and feeling that you bring to your
hands as you touch your lover's body. Trust your
hands and follow your sense of intuition which will
show you how and where to apply your strokes.
You will gain confidence if you learn some of the
basic techniques from books or a massage class, but
the essence of healing comes from deep within you
when your feelings of love and tenderness flow
through your hands without any inhibition. Your
touch can be firm yet gentle, nurturing yet playful,
sensual yet comforting. Always massage your lover
with respect, honouring their body as it rests before
you. This is the way to make your massage a truly
tantric experience.
Take care of your own body while giving a
massage. Be alert to your own comfort, ensuring that
your posture remains aligned, open and relaxed, and
that your breathing is deep and easy. If you feel
peaceful and relaxed within yourself, your massage
will have a meditative quality that will benefit you
both. Apply your strokes in a rhythmic and fluid
manner, emphasizing the roundness and sensuality
of your lover's body, and moving your hands from
one area to another so that they convey a sense of
whole-body integration. Let your hands be soft and
supple, even when applying a stronger pressure, and 1 Spread the oil smoothly with flowing strokes over the
imagine that they are sculpting your lover's body area of the body you are about to massage. Use this time to
rather than imposing upon it. relax and become attuned to each other.

32
RITUALS o F DEVOTION

2 A long, sweeping stroke over the back can be performed 3 Your massage can be both therapeutic and sensual. Your
while straddling the hips of your partner. This ensures close hands should always encompass fully the contours of the
contact, but take care to support your own weight. body, such as the shoulders, hips and buttocks.

33
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

SENSUAL STROKES
Some of the most sensual massage strokes can be FAN STROKES
repeated over many different parts of the body,
adapting them to the size of the area and varying
their pace and pressure. In this way, you are able
to build up a repertoire of soothing and sensual
motions from relatively few simple strokes. The
gentle strokes shown here create a hypnotic and
relaxing effect, enabling your partner to surrender
fully to the caress of your loving hands. In addition,
they prepare, warm and enliven the body so that it
becomes more responsive to touch. Repeat each 1 To fan stroke up the back, rest both palms flat
sequence of strokes three times before gliding on each side of the spine. Steadily slide your hands
smoothly into the next movement. upwards for a distance of about 15 cm (6 in). ~

FEATHERING CIRCLE STROKES

Feather touches produce a pleasurable, teasing 1 Place both hands parallel but slightly apart,
sensation on the skin. Stroke your fingertips fingers pointing away from you, on the back or
lightly downwards, one hand overlapping the belly. Slide steadily in a clockwise circular
other, to stimulate the skin's sensory nerves. motion, right hand leading. ~

34
R I TUA L S OF DEVO TI ON

2 Fan both hands softly out towards the sides 3 Flex your wrists to return your hands back to
of the body so that they mould to the rib cage the initial position of the stroke. Glide them up to
before pulling them firml y back downwards. a higher level of the back and repeat the stroke.

2 Lift your right hand to allow the left one to 3 Continue your circle strokes so that they spiral
make a continuous circular motion. Pass your over the surface of the skin in an unbroken motion.
right hand over the left wrist before dropping it Remember to keep the left hand moving on the
back down to complete a half-circle motion. body while the right one lifts and returns.

35
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

MASSAGING INTIMATE AREAS


Massage can be a sensual prelude to love-making, most intimate parts of the body. It is better not to
especially if your hands know how to arouse the over-excite your partner, but instead let your touch
erotic areas of the body with loving strokes. It is awaken the body's sensual responses so that the
important, however, that your touch honours your sexual energy begins to flow like a gentle stream
lover's body as a whole and does not overly focus throughout its entirety. When the massage precedes
on the erogenous zones. Your hands should be love-making, your hands should be making love to
undemanding, tender and sensitive as you anoint the every inch of your partner's skin. From fingertips to

~ Soften your hands to gently cup and stroke over the fullness ~ Warm and relax her thighs with the flowing motion of your
of her breasts. strokes to ease away tension.

36
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

toes, your touch should revere both the body and the the flowing fan strokes which you apply to the whole
essential being of your lover. Your strokes should upper area of her body. In the same way, massage her
never go against your lover's wishes, nor should you legs, gliding your strokes up over her inner thighs and
try to manipulate the massage towards a sexual end sensitively around her groin. Take care not to intrude
without your partner's willing consent. In tantric abruptly on to her genital area, but sweep your hand
love-making there is no goal in mind except pleasure tenderly over her vulva and pubic mound.
and delight in the tactile experience of the moment. When the woman is massaging the man, spread
If you are the man giving the sensual massage, be the oil over his skin to warm his whole body before
gentle with your touch on your partner's breasts. paying special attention to his buttocks and thighs,
Your hands can cup her breasts and first with soft, smooth motions then with firmer
your fingers can lovingly caress pressure. While he lays on his back, relax his
over her nipples, but do not abdomen with soft circular strokes, leaning closely
linger gratuitously on into him so that your hair or breasts brush lightly
this area. Instead let against his skin. Gently massage over his genital
this erotic touch be area, caressing his penis and scrotum, but do
integrated into not over-stimulate him. Guide his
attention to other parts of his body
by stroking down on to his legs
~ Stroke sensually over or up over his chest.
his genital area, and then
sweep your hands up
on to his abdomen.

37
RITUALS o F DEVOTION

A LOVING FACE MASSAGE


To touch and massage the face of your lover requires. Your hands should be soft but steady as
is a very personal act and your hands will need the they move deftly over the features of the face.
awareness and sensitivity that all tantric loving Your strokes will remove tension, refreshing and

1 Apply a small quantity of oil on to 2 Glide your thumbs steadily from 3 Softly cup and relax your hands, ~
your hands. Stroke them gently, one the centre of the brow towards the circling your fingertips several times
after the other, first up over the neck, sides of the head. Repeat the stroke in soothing clockwise motions over
and then across the chin and jaw. up over the entire forehead. your lover's temples.

7 Relax your hands to sweep the palms soothingly up 8 Rotate your fingertips anti-clockwise on one place at
over the sides of the temples and scalp, then draw them a time all over the fleshy area of the cheeks and around ~

away from the head. the mouth and jaw.

38
RITUALS o F DEVOTION

revitalizing your lover as they sweep over his or her an excellent way to start or finish a whole-body
temples, brow and jaw. A face massage will help your massage, or it can be enjoyed as a caring experience
beloved to relax into a more spontaneous mood. It is in its own right.

4 Draw your thumbs from the inner to 5 Place your thumb pads each side of 6 Continuing from the previous
the outer edges of the eyebrows, then the bridge of the nose, then glide them stroke, slide both thumb pads directly
press the pads sensitively up into and firmly down to the nostrils and out under the cheekbones, softening the
along the brow bone. towards the cheekbones. pressure at the sides of the face.

9 Supporting the back of the ears with your index fingers, 10 Complete your face massage with a peaceful hold,
make continuous tiny circular strokes over the lobes and cradling the head between your hands as your thumbs rest
rims with your thumbs. on the centre of the brow.

39
RITUALS OF DEVOTION

A RELAXING RITUAL
Bathing and massaging your lover's feet can become blend, add two drops of patchouli mixed with two
one of your special rituals, serving not only to relax drops of lavender essence. Find a comfortable position
and refresh your partner, but also as a gift of love for your partner to sit in and ask him or her to soak his
and devotion. feet for at least 10 minutes. Taking one foot at a time,
Take a bowl which is large enough to fit both feet lather it with soap, gently squeezing and pressing the
and fill it two-thirds full with warm water. For a foot all over to release any tension. Then pat each foot
luxurious touch, add up to four drops of essential oil- dry with a soft, warm towel. Now massage one foot
relaxing lavender or cooling peppermint essences are and then the other, ensuring your partner's legs are
perfect choices for a foot bath. For a more sensual comfortably supported and relaxed .

... Take it in turns to offer each other a relaxing foot massage, ensuring that both of you benefit from receiving
its stimulating and simultaneously soothing effects.

40
RITUALS o F DEVOTION

1 Cradle each foot between your hands for up to 30 2 Sweep your hands smoothly several times from the toes
seconds to create a relaxing warmth and the feeling of up to and around the ankle, gliding your fingers back down
caring tactile connection. over the foot.

3 Supporting the foot, stretch each toe by gripping it 4 Comp lete the foot massage with feather strokes, drawing
between your thumb and index finger and sliding firmly your fingertips in soft motions down over the foot and
from the base to the tip. towards the toes.

41
FINDING T RA N QV ILL I T Y
T he tranquillity
of meditation
opens the door
to tantric loving. The
and lighting candles, placing
them on an altar converted
from a low table or box. The
fragrance of certain essential
potential of meditation oils will enhance the meditative
is the attainment of inner mood - you could blend three
equilibrium, the focus of drops of cedarwood, two drops
mind and spiritual of frankincense and two drops
wholeness. These serene of rose absolute to produce a
qualities are at the very spiritually uplifting and heart-
root of tantric sexuality, opening aroma.
which emanates from Sit comfortably on
tranquillity rather than cushions, with your legs
excitement, and from crossed and your spine relaxed
harmony not passion. but erect, shoulders and chest
Set aside time to widened, and hands resting on
meditate, either alone your thighs, palms facing
or together. A meditation upwards. If you are unable to
teacher can guide you sit on the floor comfortably, sit
through special breathing on a chair and ensure your
techniques or you can just spine remains extended.
sit quietly in the peace of ... By stifling your mind and becoming one with the Attention to breath is the key
your own home. Dedicate flow of your breath, a sense of serenity and to meditation. Close your eyes
an area or, if possible, a wholeness emerges in your consciousness. and focus on your breath as it
specific room, purely for flows steadily in and out of
meditation and tantric your nostrils. After a while,
love-making. Choose a quiet time and turn off the allow your breathing to deepen, and become conscious
telephone, radio and television. Create a conducive of the rise and fall of your abdomen with each
atmosphere for your meditation by closing the curtains inhalation and exhalation. Whenever your attention

42
FIN DIN G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

wanders back to your thoughts, return to the clock can alert you to when the meditation period is
awareness of your breath. The more frequently you over. Take time to relax for some minutes before
meditate, the more you will experience precious resuming your normal activities.
moments of tranquillity and stillness inside yourself.
Initially, you may prefer to meditate for short sessions ... Sit and meditate together in a tranquil atmosphere as
of no more than 15 minutes, but later you can extend a regular practice. This ritual will create greater serenity
the sessions to 40 minutes or longer. A muffled alarm within your relationship.

43
FIN 0 I N G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

AWAKENING ENERGY
The more you meditate and the more meditative your you are more in balance within yourself and with the
love-making becomes, the greater the awakening of external environment. The healthy functioning of the
energy is within you. You may experience this chakras, or energy centres, also affects your normal
awakening as a stream of vibrations, similar to an psychological, emotional and physical health. You
electrical current pulsating within you. If the flow of are more able to fulfil your potential in matters of
energy within you is blocked, your vitality is survival, sexuality, power, love, communication,
diminished. If your energy is streaming un impeded, intellect, intuition and spirituality.

<Ill Start by creating


a circuit of energy
between you for five
minutes. Place your
right palm over your
beloved's left palm.
Imagine that you are
receiving energy as
you inhale, and sharing
it as you exhale.

44
FIN 0 I N G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

Meditate upon the chakras by


directing awareness and breath to
their specific locations within your
body, and by becoming more
sensitive to their subtle vibrations
and associated feelings. Go back to
the "Chakra Chart" in the
Introduction and familiarize yourself
with the location and qualities of
each chakra. Sit quietly in a
meditative posture and focus your
breath and awareness on each chakra
for approximately three minutes at a
time, beginning with the base chakra
and moving gradually up towards the
crown. Visualize the luminous
rainbow colour related to each
chakra as your breath connects with
it. Complete the meditation by
sweeping back down the central
channel in your body with your
breath until you return to the base
chakra. Always take time to rest after
a chakra meditation.
A potent chakra meditation is to
sit body to body in close contact,
breathing into each chakra for three
minutes as before, beginning with
the base chakra and moving up
towards the crown, while visualizing .A. Merging your bodies close together, synchronize your breathing as you
that your energy centres are focus for three minutes on each chakra. Complete by sweeping your breath
unfolding like the petals of a flower. back down from the crown to the base chakra.

45
FIN DIN G T RAN Q U I LIT Y

MERGING SEXUAL ENERGY


When you unite sexually on Tantric loving involves
an energetic level, so that intimacy, connection, stillness and
movement arises spontaneously merging. As such, it is very
and without effort, love- different from normal sexual
making can feel almost behaviour, which is very active
bodiless, as if you are dancing and sometimes almost aggressive,
and merging together without involving a lot of "doing",
the barrier of physical form. stimulation and arousal. Fantasies
This sense of merging is at are often the driving force behind
the heart of tantric loving normal sexual excitement, but
because it harmonizes your they can create a distance between
opposing male and female you, almost as if you were making
energies, creating the balance love to a different person. If you
and equilibrium from which are obsessed with the idea that
ecstasy arises. orgasm is the only proof of good
One of the most important sex, then your sexual performance
tools of tantric love-making is may become fraught with anxiety
deep and conscious breathing. and effort.
Breath is the link between .... This ancient Hindu sculpture depicts Cultivate stillness in your
body, mind and spirit, and it the ascent of the cosmic Kundalini energy sexual relationship, allowing
ignites the body's vital energy. as the divine god and goddess merge in movement to arise spontaneously
Breathing is an involuntary sexual ecstacy. rather than by design. Take time
action, but when you allow it during love-making to stop and
to become full and conscious merge with each other by lying
your whole being is more relaxed, your body is more entwined in each other's arms, breathing deeply together
sensitive and you are more emotionally open. Your with soft-focus eye contact and savouring every tiny
sexual energies will start to dissolve together when sensation that vibrates through you. Whenever you feel
you are receptive and responsive to one another in you are losing the intimacy that bonds you together,
this wa y. slow down so that you can again fall into harmony.

46
FINDING T RAN QU I LIT Y

~ Gentle pelvic movements


will keep your lover erect
whilst inside of you
without over-stimulating
him as you lie together in
deep communion.

~ Moments of stillness
in your love-making
create a space for intimacy
to deepen. Through your
breathing and your eye
contact, you will become
more harmonious.

47
FIN DIN G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

ONENESS WITH NATURE


Experiencing oneness explore the myriad life
with Existence is the systems that exist within
basic tenet of Tantra. it, or stroll across a soft
It teaches that we, like carpet of meadow grass
every manifest aspect of and search for wild
Nature, are part of flowers. Sit by a river
Cosmic Creation, which and listen to the bird
arises from the perfect song, watching the
and harmonious union insects dance and buzz
of male and female above the water.
universal energies. In Together celebrate the
lovemaking, meditation power of creation,
and our relationship feeling yourselves to be
with the external natural part of its splendour.
environment, we can Become attuned to
taste the bliss tha t arises the five elements of
from such communion. Existence (earth, water,
Submerge yourselves fire, air and space),
in the natural wonder which, says tantric law,
of Existence by making are each related to one
a serious commitment of the first five chakras
to break away from ~ A walk on the beach together will bring you in close of the body. According
both domestic and work contact with the elements of Nature. to Eastern tradition, all
responsibilities on a aspects of life contain
regular basis to the five elements, and
rediscover together the magic of creation. Go to a harmony and health are created when they co-exist in
beach on a warm moonlit night; lie and gaze at the balance with one another. Tantra teaches that ecstatic
stars and listen to the roar of the ocean or the gentle love-making brings equilibrium to the five elements
lapping of the waves. Walk through a forest and within our bodies, renewing our vitality and

48
FINDING T RAN QU I L L I T Y

happiness. When you are out in the natural world


with your beloved, be conscious of the elements.
Walk barefoot to touch the earth beneath you; bathe
in water to refresh both body and mind; let the
warmth of the sun kiss your face; allow the breeze to
brush your skin and gaze into the emptiness of the
sky to see infinity. Carry home with you an
awareness of the divine nature of Existence, and as
you make love acknowledge that you and your
beloved are part of it.

~ The silence of meadows and forests offer a haven of peace


for lovers to enjoy one another's company.

T The majestic beauty of snow-capped mountains can evoke


within you a deep sense of oneness with Existence.

. ~ ', ...
"",;..... ~~ "-
ob.- ~.

49
FINDING T RAN QU I L L I T Y

THE F lYE SENSES


Tantra teaches that the body is the temple of the chakras: the base, navel, solar plexus, heart and
spirit, and through its senses you can begin to throat. By involving your senses fully in your
experience the ecstatic and divine nature of Existence. interaction with the world around you, and in your
Live life to the full, embracing pleasure and sensuality, love-making, you increase your capacity for joy.
but at the same time bring awareness into every action Do not allow your senses to become dulled. Create
that you make. specific occasions, with or without your partner,
The body's capacity for pleasure is experienced when you stimulate one particular sense at a time so
through the senses: smell, taste, sight, touch and that your appreciation of the joys of life, and of each
sound. They are related, in that order, to the first five other, becomes more acute .

.. Delight in special fragrances and explore the evocative .. Appreciate your food and drink, eating and sipping
effects on your moods from inhaling the abundant natural slowly to savour each individual flavour, so that eating and
aromas that surround you. drinking become a true celebration.

50
FINDING T RAN QU ILL I T Y

<Ill Allow your hands to


become sensitive and
responsive when touching.
Let them convey your
feelings whenever you
caress your lover.

..... Gaze into the flickering


flame of a candle in a
darkened room, softly
focusing on the light.
Relax your eyes so that
you absorb rather than
stare at objects.

<Ill Lay quietly with your


partner and listen to music.
Increase your appreciation
for the gift of sound,
listening attentively to the
song of a bird and the
sounds of Nature.

51
FIN D I N G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

A SANCTUARY OF LOVE
The environment where you choose to make love to partake in sexual rituals, believing that the
should be considered with great care so that its external environment exercised a strong influence on
ambience is both sensually and spiritually uplifting. the state of body, mind and spirit. Colour, materials,
When you go into this area with your beloved, you aromas, flowers, objects, sound and lighting were
should feel as if you are entering a sanctuary of love, believed to stimulate the senses and activate the
dedicated to the enhancement of your tantric union. chakras, so that the tantric lovers became more
Tantric disciples in ancient India took great care receptive to each other and to the divine nature of
to select or create a hallowed atmosphere in which their sexual union .

.... The right choice of materials, perfumes, candles and


flowers can create an uplifting love-making environment.

52
FIN DIN G T RAN QU I L L I T Y

Create your love nest tenderly and with


care so that its atmosphere supports and
heightens the whole experience of your
love-making. Remove any clutter and
unsightly objects from the room and from
under the bed. Cover the bed with soft
natural fabrics in colours that are warm,
earthy, romantic and pleasing to your eye.
Or drape soft material around the bed to
create an inner sanctum. Tantric colours
are traditionally ochre, red and orange,
which are said to stimulate sexuality. Fill
the space with soft pillows and large
cushions on which you can relax, or use
to support your bodies comfortably.
Light candles to bathe your skin in
their gentle glow, and perfume the air with
essential oils in an aroma burner, using a
blend of aphrodisiac and spiritually
uplifting scents. Place beautiful flowers on
an altar dedicated to your love for each
other. Add objects that are romantically
meaningful to you both alongside them.
Music may help to inspire your mood,
relaxing and opening you up to each other.
Try to keep this tenderly created space
exclusively for your meditation and
love-making rituals.

~ This Indian artwork from c. 1800 depicts a


love chamber which was especially prepared
for the romancing couple.

53
o IVI N E LOVE-MAKING

C ommit yourselves to
your love-making,
ensuring that it is
central to your lives as a
feel fresh, purified and
sensually enlivened. Sit
within your room and
meditate together to acquire
couple. Even when you feel a sense of inner peace and
overloaded with other harmony with each other.
responsibilities, make a Enjoy a small meal of
conscious choice to nurture delicious snacks and fruits,
your sexual relationship. beautifully arranged on a
Consider it to be of primary tray, and feed each other
importance to your physical, titbits to stimulate your
emotional and spiritual taste buds. Offer each other
development together. a glass of wine or fresh fruit
Tantric love-making is an juice to sip from to celebrate
invitation for the sacred to the occasion. If you desire,
enter into your sexual union. you can massage each other,
It is a ritualized act, inspired perhaps a foot or a face
by the consciousness that you massage, or one of you can
are evoking the essential offer a whole-body massage
divinity within yourse lf and to the other.
within your lover. Lie still and entwined
Organize your times for with each other,
tantric love-making carefu ll y, harmonizing your breathing
so that yo u do not feel that and allowing your bodies to
you ha ve to rush. Prepare melt together. Kiss and
your tantric space so it is .. Take the time to acknowledge the sacred stroke each other so that
warm, perfumed, aesthetic gift of love that you will both contribute to your caresses touch over the
and welcoming. Bathe and the sexual act. whole body to gently
anoint your bodies so they awaken the sexual energy.

54
o I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

Perceive in each other the image of a god and goddess your sexual energy moving up through each chakra
so that every touch is one of reverence. Honour one with each exhalation of breath. Return to stillness
another's bodies as the gateway to the divine, whenever one of you becomes over-excited and
bestowing kisses on the most intimate areas as if in release all thoughts of a goal to this love-making
an act of worship . Relax into the warm surge of session. Orgasm mayor may not happen, but it is no
sexual arousal, breathing deeply into your pelvic area longer the purpose of your sexual encounter. Instead,
and letting the sensations course up through your you are meeting and merging in an act of deep and
entire body away from the genital areas. Visualize divine communion .

... Tantric love-making is a ;oyous exploratIOn of your


physical and spiritual nature.

55
D I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

THE MAN'S CONSCIOUS PASSION


As the male, you must learn to moderate your sexual headlong into a whirlpool of excitement. Instead try
excitement so that you can retain control of your to remain in the moment, intimately connected to
arousal levels and thus avoid ejaculation, at least your partner. Focus on your lover as the goddess of
until a moment that is mutually satisfying for your dreams, so that your caresses adore every part
yourself and your partner. You must make love to of her body. Relax into this "plateau" level of
your lover selflessly, ensuring that she reaches arousal, consciously staying
the full potential of her sexual satisfaction. below the threshold of
Avoid losing yourself orgasm and dissolving
in fantasy or into a deep state of
rushing relaxed sensuality.

... When your passion overheats, stop thrusting and become still.
Lifting your head, steady your breath and focus your thoughts.

56
o I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

~ Regain your control and


equilibrium whenever you
become over-excited. Hold
each other closely and
breathe deeply together.

~ Try and explore different


positions that help you
retain control. When your
lover raises her legs on to
your shoulders, you are
able to penetrate deeply
without becoming over-
stimulated.

57
o I V I N E LOVE - M A K I N G

rest at the opening of your lover's vagina until you


regain your equilibrium. Hold each other tightly and
breathe together. Tantra teaches that the woman's
vaginal juices give strength to the man, so as you
relax together in this position imagine that you are
absor~ing her secretions into yourself. Resume deep
thrusting only when you have gained control over
your arousal level.
The advanced yogic techniques of traditional
tantric disciples require years of dedicated discipline
and guidance from an accomplished teacher.
However, a few of the semen-retention techniques
can be adapted into your love-making. Like many
Eastern traditions, Tantra is aware of the energy
body and the pathway of its meridians . It suggests
applying pressure on certain meridian points to
steady the mind, cool the passions and avoid early
ejaculation. If you feel close to ejaculation, arch your
spine, lift your head upwards and breathe deeply, at
the same time applying pressure with the index and
middle finger of your left hand on to the area
between your scrotum and anus, thus inhibiting the
... With her body compact and her feet pressed against your flow of semen from the prostate gland. Another
heart chakra, she can surrender herself to your strength and technique is to press your tongue against the roof of
masculine presence. your mouth while steadying your thought and breath ,
or to roll up your tongue and use it like a straw to
Cool your passion by slowing down movement, draw in cooling air.
closing your eyes, inhaling steadily through your Feel confident in your masculinity and strength,
nostrils and focusing your thoughts on your breath for to your lover you should become like a god to her
or some other fixed point. Avoid panting as this will goddess. Yet also allow the soft, sensual and more
lead to loss of control. Be aware of your patterns of sensitive aspect of your sexual nature to emerge, so
thrusting, and if over-aroused withdraw your penis to that the more feminine side of yourself integrates

58
D I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

with your maleness. Learn to surrender yourself as the man, to stay in greater control of your orgasm.
to your lover's orgasmic nature, allowing her the Do not over-emphasize these techniques, otherwise
freedom to express herself, and dedicate yourself your love-making will become wooden and
to her happiness. unspontaneous. The ability to stay naturally in the
Experiment with different love-making positions "plateau" phase of love-making becomes easier the
that bring pleasure to you both but that enable you, more it is practised. Your body and mind will adapt
to a whole new way of sexual response so that love-
T The "spoons " position of love-making is perfect for times making increasingly functions from a meditative and
of stillness and merging during sexual union. Gentle relaxed state of being rather than from titillation,
movements of the pelvis will ensure the man remains erect. excitement and tension.

59
D I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

THE SEXUAL POWER OF A WOMAN


Tantric loving is very liberating and affirming to your lover, assisting him to prolong his love-making. Do
femininity and to your sexuality as a woman. In not be afraid to assert yourself sexually, adopting the
tantric tradition, the woman is perceived as the superior position. Sit astride him while he submits to
creative instigator of sexual energy and the medium you and lies inert on his back. Take charge of the
through which it is transformed into ecstasy. depth of penetration and the movements so that he
Your sexual happiness and fulfilment should be can focus on his breath and inner stillness.
of utmost importance. Your body is to be revered for, Channel your orgasmic energy upwards to vibrate
according to Tantra, it is the divine instrument of through your whole body. Relax and breathe deeply
sacred sex. No part of your body can be considered into the sensations, moving your body and emitting
embarrassing or the sounds and sighs that
shameful, for in Tantra arise naturally in you.
your vulva and vagina Visualize your sexual
are the heavenly gates to energy ascending
the journey of bliss, and through every chakra,
your secretions are the each one unfolding like
nectar that brings the petals of a flower.
harmony and balance Fall into moments of
between yourself and stillness and silence with
your lover. Your your lover, holding him
orgasmic nature is close and cherishing him.
celebrated in tantric Surrender yourself to
loving, for it is him, and honour his
recognized that a woman sexual organs, touching
is likely to gain in energy and kissing his genitals
as she climaxes. Tantra as if in an act of
allows you to be as worship. Acknowledge
orgasmic as you wish so ,.. Be wild, untamed and ecstatic but remain conscious him as the divine male
long as you stay aware of his arousal level. principle within your
and connected with your love-making.

60
o I V I N E LOVE - MAK I NG

~ Clasping his thighs


between yours, tighten
and pulsate your vaginal
muscles to help maintain
his erection while you
attune deeply to one
other.

~ If you are supple


enough, arch your whole
body backwards and
breathe deeply to open
up the chakras to the
rising orgasmic energy.

61
DIVINE LOVE - MAKING

ECSTATIC LOVE-MAKING
The key to ecsta tic love-making is in the sense of Consequently, your own bi-polar energies are unified.
merging, whereby you feel as if the two of you are In tantric love-making, your aim is to absorb your
one body, one soul and one flowing stream of energy. orgasmic energy into yourself so that it ascends towards
You are in such a deep the crown chakra, which
state of union that is traditionally the seat of
there appears to be tantric bliss. Even if the
no distinction between concept of energy,
your male and female chakras and altered
entities. It is as if your consciousness is not
female lover has meaningful to you, the
integrated into you, stillness and meditation
the man, and your male that you have introduced
lover has dissolved into into your love-making
you, the woman. By will itself create a sense
becoming so attuned of harmony and joy that
to one another, you both of you will be able
will begin to experience to experience.
within your own body Certain sexual
the sensations that your positions are favoured
partner is feeling. This by Tantra to create
means that not only ecstatic and meditative
are you making love love-making. When you
to your external lover, both assume a sitting
but in doing so you position and your spines
are able to connect to ... Make love in the classic tantric position of "Yab- are erect, the pose helps
your own inner male or Yum", where the woman sits on her partner's lap, and the man to moderate his
female aspect, so that gently moves her pelvis as she enters into the state of passion. Your postures
you can become whole sexual ecstasy. are equally balanced
within yourself. and neither of you is

62
D I V I N E LOVE - MAKING

taking the dominant or submissive role. Energy can making except to touch the sacred in one another.
flow easily upwards through the spine and yo u are Orgasm mayor may not happen, but if you have
attuned to each other chakra by chakra. Breathing allowed its vibrant energy to transport yo u to
together, swaying gently and melting body to body, another realm of sexual consciousness and now wish
allow a feeling of benediction to descend on you. to surrender to its powerful pulsations, let go
Remember, there is no goal to achieve in your love- together into its blissful release .

... Surrender yourself entirely to one another in your ... After love-ma king, rest peacefully together so that you
love-making so that you become one body, one soul and remain intimately connected wh ile you return slowly to
one flowing movement of joyous energy. your own sense of self.

63
INDEX
aromatics, 25-9 14-15 meditation, 42-5 Picture Credits
arousal, 18-23,56-9 energy, 44-7,60,62,63 merging sexual energy, The publishers would
environment, 52-3 46-7 like to thank the
bathing, 28 equilibrium, 12-13 meridians, 58 following for supplying
body language, 14, 15 eroticism, 20-3 music, 51, 53 photographs:
essential oils, 25-9, 42
etheric body, 10 Nature, 48-9
Existence, 48-9, 50
orgasm, 8,46,55,56,
face massage, 38-9 58,60,63
fan strokes, massage,
34-5 penis, 22
fantasies, 17, 46 perfumes, 25-9
feathering, massage, 34
female eroticism, 20-1 rituals of devotion, 24-41
breasts, 36, 37 foot massage, 40-1 Dinodia Picture Agency,
breathing, 42-3, 46 foreplay, 19-23 semen, retention of, Bombay p.6 (m), p.l0
8,56,58 (br), p.46;
candles, 29, 30, 42, harmony, 12-13 senses, 50-1 Tony Stone Images
51,53 hearing, sense of, 50 sight, 50 p.48, p.49 (tr) and (b);
chakras,10-11,45,48, honesty, emotional, smell, sense of, 50 e.t. archive p. 24, p. 53;
50,52,55,60,62,63 14-15 stillness, 46 Mary Evans Picture
circle strokes, massage, Library p.8 (I);
34-5 Kundalini, 7, 10,46 Tantra, 6, 7 Ancient Art and
clitoris, 20 taste, sense of, 50 Architecture Collection
love-making, 54-63 touch, 30-1, 50 p.9 (t).
ejaculation, retention of,
8,56,58 male eroticism, 22-3 vagina, 20, 60
emotional honesty, massage, 29, 30-41, 54

64
THE NEW LIF E LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC
WAY OF LOVING
• How to adapt the ancient teachings of
Tantra to reach greater levels of emotional
intimacy and sexual ecstasy

• Prepare your own temple of delight


and dedicate yourselves to unlocking
your full sexual potential

• Use rituals of devotion to adore


and honour each other

• Sensual rituals and sexual techniques


show you how to prolong your
lovemaking

• Illustrated throughout with stunning


colour photographs

9 781840 389722
Cover printed in Singapore

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