‘Selfishness’ of Selflessness

Rizwan Khan

Our general ideal of a truly selfless act is that it be purely for the sake of others
and absent of any pursuit of personal benefit; but does such an ideal actually exist?
When we do a favor for a friend, help the needy, give to our parents and children, etc., do
we act solely for the sake of others, or is there inevitably an element of personal gain
involved? Is there such a thing as a completely selfless person? The reality of this
concept of absolute selflessness, considered practically, is little more than an idealistic
delusion. When pondered, one finds that there is no such thing as an entirely selfless act.
The very notion of acting completely against one’s own welfare without any prospect of
some personal interest is suicidal.
Each action is initiated by some prospect of personal gain, whether material or
otherwise. No purposeful act is devoid of the characteristic of seeking an objective or
avoiding the alternative. Every form of life, even on a bacterial level, progresses on this
principle of escaping a greater suffering and pursuing a greater pleasure. It is impossible
to conceive a single situation in which a sane person could intend on an action, no matter
how noble, which is diametrically opposed to their own interests and desires. Take the
example of parents; they apparently give to their children in complete selflessness, but
when examined in its more rudimentary form, we find that they have little choice to do
otherwise. Even among animals, to be so selfish, as to be anything less than selfless to
one’s own children, is a notion so repulsive and contrary to the nature of any parent that
to indulge it would involve far more suffering than that which is in self sacrifice. This
basic characteristic of sympathy is so deeply engraved into our psyche that we naturally
find pleasure in the suffering of self-sacrifice. Thus, we find that even in the most
selfless actions, there is inevitably an aspect of pursuing some pleasure or avoiding a
greater personal suffering, in the absence of which that action would never have been
done. To assert that someone has acted completely against their own interests and desires
for others is to attribute to that person an element of insanity, a tendency of self-
destructiveness.
The difference between a selfish and selfless action is simply this, that in a selfish
action, one pursues the inherent pleasure placed in fulfilling one’s own needs, and in a
selfless action, one pursues the inherent pleasure placed in fulfilling the needs of others.
Both are essential to survival, the difference is that as life progresses towards higher
complexity and awareness, its ability to function socially becomes more refined. In a
social setting, selfless actions are far more beneficial than selfish actions, for in selfless
actions, individual interests are sacrificed for the greater good, which ultimately carry
greater benefits for individual interests. In selfish actions, the greater good is sacrificed
for individual interests, which ultimately carries greater harm for individual interests; the
characteristic of selfishness is only a quality in the absence of a society, when the greater
good is nonexistent and one functions individually. Consider the similitude of sports, if a
player gave preference to scoring for his own ego rather than for the team, he would
compromise the greater good of the team for his individual gain, and thus, ultimately
suffer individually as well. Rather, if his actions were for the greater good of the team,
though he would compromise individual and immediate gains, the benefit of the team
would ultimately give him greater individual benefits. On the other hand, for one who
was playing an individual sport, to act selflessly would be a vice and to act selfishly
would be a virtue. Thus, forms of life which function communally are given an enhanced
ability to perceive the pleasure of selflessness, for in their circumstances, if everyone
were to behave selfishly, the community would collapse.
The more one’s senses develop, the more capable one becomes of perceiving the
pleasure found in selflessness. An unselfish act is simply primitive selfishness redirected
in refined selfishness; it is the selfish desire to act selflessly. The true virtue of
selflessness lies not in the obliteration of one’s selfish desires, but in finding the
‘selfishness’ of selflessness. The difference between one who is selfish and one who is
selfless is not that a selfless person destroys all vestiges of pursuing pleasure within them
self, it is simply this, that while a selfish person finds pleasure in pleasing them self, a
selfless person finds pleasure in pleasing others, such pleasure as even offsets having to
personally endure suffering in its cause.
The phenomenon of sympathy is feeling pain for others. The pinnacle of
sympathy is to feel the suffering of others as it were even greater than one’s own. Even
animals, on occasion, naturally manifest this level of sympathy, what differentiates
humans is our ability to refine this capacity to such a sublime extent that, as parents
suffer for their children, we are able to suffer for everyone. It is to this stage of
selflessness that Allah the Almighty refers to in the Holy Qur’an, ‫ب‬ َ ‫َوِإيَتاء ِذي اْلُقْر‬, “and give
like the giving of kin to kin” 16:91. The manifestation of this level of sympathy is the
height of selflessness, and it found its personification in the Holy Prophet(sa). Just as a
parent finds greater suffering in witnessing their children suffer than to suffer them self,
one who is an embodiment of selflessness finds every ‘selfish’ pleasure in alleviating the
suffering of others. So great is their sympathy for others that they find it repulsive to
prefer their own comfort to that of others. ‫عَلْيُكم‬
َ ‫ص‬
ٌ ‫حِري‬
َ ‫عِنّتْم‬
َ ‫عَلْيِه َما‬
َ ‫عِزيٌز‬
َ , “grievous to him is
it that you should fall into trouble; he is ardently desirous of your welfare” 9:129. When
a person reaches such a state of self annihilation, their every selfish desire finds pleasure
in selflessness. Then does that very force within a person, which previously called them
towards pursuing their own personal desires, begin calling them to finding every pleasure
in fulfilling the desires of others. Perhaps it was to this wonder that the Holy Prophet(sa)
alluded to when he stated that my Satan has accepted Islam1. That very voice which once
invited one towards evil would now call one towards good. When one finds purpose in
pain, one takes pleasure in suffering, and thus does become untouchable.
There exist varying degrees of pleasure in selflessness. One is the simple
gratification found in self sacrifice; this extent exists even among animals. There is the
contentment found in deliverance from the punishment of Allah the Almighty and His
reward for selfless actions; this extent is particular to humans. Then, there is a height in
which a person finds delight simply in the love of Allah the Almighty, which is free of
any inhibitions concerning reward or punishment. For those who are completely
engrossed in their Lord, as children, often, without expecting any reward, find an inherent
delight in acting out of love towards their parents, such people find every contentment
and pleasure in acting out of love for their Lord. The Promised Messiah(as), describing a
refined height of this phenomenon, writes, “if it were said to me that there is no reward or
benefit in this devotion [waqf], but there will only be pain and suffering, even then, I
1
Musnad al-Imam Ahmad bin Hambal, pg 257
could not stop from the service of Islam.”2 Just as, in the eyes of one who is wealthy,
those who love in the hope of receiving wealth and those who love wholeheartedly are
not equal, similarly, those who love Allah the Almighty in the pleasure of that love are of
a different standard.
To taint the utopian concept of absolute selflessness with an attribute so
apparently impure as selfishness seems to be a sacrilege to this noble ideal. The reality is
that no characteristic is inherently evil, but that every phenomenon, manifested in its
appropriate setting, is a necessary means towards good. The non-existence of a purely
selfless act is in no way a source of despondency, for the realization of the actuality of
selflessness is far more beautiful than the naïve delusion of its ideal. By understanding
the profound realities of selflessness, one can truly grasp its transcendent subtleties, and
through such insight, strive for its true ideal.

2
Al-Hakam, May 10, 1902