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E.Q: memahami orang lain (suami/isteri/anak-anak)(25
MAC 2011)
Every Muslim needs a helpful, loving family- to turn to, to share joys and
hardships with, and to reciprocate affection.
“They are but Awliya’ [friends, protectors, helpers, etc.] to one another.”[surah Al
Maidah verse 51]
“(The believers are nothing else than brothers [in Islamic religion].”[surah Al Hujurat verse10]
Life has taught me to put into practice something that has never failed me: to
moderately express my approval of others.
“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe
and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you... “[surah Ali
Imran verse 159]
“Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish [i.e. don't
punish them].”[surah Al A’raf verse 199]
“Those who repress anger, and who pardon men….”[surah Ali Imran verse 134]
“And when they are angry, they forgive.”[surah Asy Syuraa verse 37]
“And when the, foolish address them [with bad words] they reply back with mild words of
gentleness.”[surah Al Furqan verse 63]
“Repel [the evil] with one which is better [i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient
at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly], then verily! He, between whom
and you there was enmity, [will become] as though he was a close friend.”[surah Fussilat verse
34]
Therefore, if you hear malicious words from someone, do not answer back, it will only result in
multiplying one attack into ten. Earning the respect of others also contributes to bringing you
happiness.
In life, I have been especially impressed by those who are charismatic in their dealings, those who
seem to attract others magnetically by their good character. They always wear a smile for others, they
have honest tongues, and their hearts are free from jealousy and rancor.
With the permission of Allah, it is within the reach of every one of us to achieve acceptance among
the people of the earth. This acceptance is not bought with treasures or wealth, but it is earned through
sincerity towards Allah, truthfulness, the love of Allah and His Messenger (BPUH), a love for
spreading well to others, and a lowly opinion of one's own self.
To achieve these and other good qualities, we must make an honest effort, because they require an
upward climb. Evil characteristics are easily achieved for whoever wants them, for they demand only
a downward descent. An Arab poet said:
"The evil character soon ceases to feel his wickedness; a bodily injury causes no pain for the dead."
“Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let
[some] women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former....”[surah Al
Hujurat verse 11]
You are a unique entity, and since Allah created Adam (may peace be upon him), no two
people are exactly alike in appearance.
“...and the difference at your languages and colors.”[surah Ar Rum verse 22]
Why then, do we wish to be exactly alike in other matters, such as characteristics and talents?
The beauty of your voice is in its uniqueness and the beauty of your appearance is in its being
specific to you.
To get off to a good start every day, a husband should smile when he meets his wife and vice
versa. This smile is an introductory announcement of agreement and compromise.
"A smile in your brother's face is charity."And the Messenger of Allah (BPUH) always wore a
smile on his face.
“Greet one another with a greeting from Allah [i.e. say: As-Salaamu Alavkum] blessed and
good.”[surah An Nur verse 61]
“When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it or [at least]
return it equally.”[surah An Nisa’ verse 86]
Also, upon resuming one's domestic life, by which I mean, upon entering one's home, one
should always make the prescribed supplication:
"O' Allah, I ask you for the best of entries and the best of exits. By Allah's name do we enter and
by Allah's name do we exit. And upon Allah, our Lord, do we place our trust."
Would that both husband and wife remember the good points of the other, forgetting the
negative ones? When a husband keeps the positive aspects of his wife in his mind while
forgetting (or at least blocking out) her defects, he will find peace and happiness.
“And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever
have been pure from sins. But Allah purifies [guides to Islam] whom He wills, and Allah is All-
Hearer All-Knower.”[surah An Nur verse 21]
We as humans can become angry and irritable. Therefore, when we speak about or search for
domestic bliss, we should keep the concept of relative happiness in mind, and not total
happiness.The husband must remain quiet when his wife becomes angry and vice versa, at least
until the anger subsides.
Know that as soon as he awakes from this state, he will feel regretful for what happened, and
he will come to recognize your value because of your patience. You should especially be patient
if the angry person is either a spouse or a parent. Let them say whatever they want until they
calm down and do not hold them accountable for their words. Whenever the angry person is met
with anger, his anger will fail to subside, even after he has revived from his state of drunkenness.
“So overlook their faults with gracious forgiveness.”[surah Al Hijr verse 85]
"Semulia-mulia manusia ialah siapa yang mempunyai adab, merendahkan diri ketika
berkedudukan tinggi, memaafkan ketika berdaya membalas dan bersikap adil ketika kuat." ~
Khalifah Abdul Malik bin Marwan.
"Memahami orang lain adalah kebijaksanaan, memahami diri sendiri adalah pencerahan." Lao
Tzu (600-531 SM), Filsuf China.