Creating Your

Spiritual Spa
A Guide to Living a Self-Caring Lifestyle as Women of Faith
 Creating Your
Spiritual Spa
A Guide to Living a Self-Caring Lifestyle as Women of Faith

April D. Richmond
CREATING YOUR SPIRITUAL SPA. Copyright © 2005 by April Dawn Richmond. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission from the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles
and reviews.

First Edition Published 2006

Printed in the United States of America

 This book is dedicated to my two little
Pampered Princesses Autumn & Alexis!
 Acknowledgements
To the magnificent women whose courage, strength and
sacrifice paved the road for me: Mrs. Coretta Scott King, Ms.
Maya Angelou, Mrs. Rosa Parks, and Ms. Oprah Winfrey…Thank
you!
Eyvon Gaines, Grandmother Extraordinaire! Everything I am is
because of you! I love you!
Auntie Dinah Perry: Aunt by blood; friend by choice! Thanks
for always supporting me! Love ya girl!
Gloria Rahmaan: My beautiful, amazing step-mom without
the step! Thank you for always going above & beyond! I love
you so much!
Temple, Kimberly, Mignon, Bilal & Akim: I’m so proud to
be your big sister! I love y’all!
Yusef “Joe” Rahmaan: I love you daddy!
Frank Gaines: My favorite Grampy ☺ I love you!
Autumn & Alexis: Thank you for changing my life! I love
being your mommy.
 Contents
Introduction 1

Chapter 1: Self Care 101 2

The 5 “W”s of Self Care 2

Chapter 2: The Syndrome 4

Chapter 3: Me Stressed? 8
Stress -vs- Self Care 8
10 Stress Busters 11

Chapter 4: Beginning Your Self Care Journey 15

Nurturing The Mind, Body & Spirit 15
Physical Self-Care 16
Mental Self-Care 20
Spiritual Self-Care 24

Chapter 5: Let Go 25
Forgiveness & Self-Care 26

Chapter 6: Pampering: The Ultimate Indulgence 28

PAMPER 29
Pampering On The Go 30
Pampering On A Budget 31
Partner Pampering 33
Sister-Friend Pampering 34

Chapter 7: Creating Your Spiritual Spa 35

Part 1 36
Part 2 37
Your Change of Address 39
Chapter 8: Walk The Walk & Talk The Talk 39
Living As An Empowered Superwoman 39

Chapter 9: Resources 40
Tips For A Successful Journey 41
12-Step Plan For Self-Care Recovery 43
April’s Fabulous Favorites 44

Epilogue 45
 Introduction
I believe it was the extraordinary Oprah Winfrey who coined the
phrase “ah-ha moment.” As I progressed through this book I
was overwhelmed by ah-ha moments! So many things came
together for me emotionally and spiritually I am still amazed.
Although this is the introduction to Creating Your Spiritual Spa,
I’m writing it after I finished the book.

My self-care journey has been long, sometimes painful, always

insightful, never dull. It has included death, birth, awakening,
solace, peace, sadness, joy and bliss. Through it all, this book
has emerged as my testimonial as well as a guide for total self-
care.

This wonderful poem was written by Audrey Hepburn when

asked to share her "beauty tips." Remember and embrace
these words of wisdom as you read this book.

FOR ATTRACTIVE LIPS, speak words of kindness...

FOR LOVELY EYES, seek out the good in people.

FOR A SLIM FIGURE, share your food with the hungry.

FOR BEAUTIFUL HAIR, let a child run his/her fingers through it

once a day.

FOR POISE, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,
revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will

find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow
older, you will discover that you have two hands; one
for helping yourself, and the other for helping others

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 1

Self-Care 101!
The 5 “W”s of Self-Care

You can’t begin your self-care journey without having a full

understanding of the term “self-care”. The simplest way to
explain self-care is by going back to the basics (who, what,
when, why and where)! Not as an insult to your intelligence,
but to put everyone on the same page. Most women think self-
care is merely having your hair done, getting a manicure,
pedicure and a massage. A trip to the spa is not self-care. It’s
a small piece of living a self-caring lifestyle, but it’s a moot
process if you’re not taking care of your entire self. Until you
get your mental, physical and spiritual self in order, the spa is
nothing more than a temporary cover-up.

1. What is self-care? Simply put, self-care is the art of

creating and maintaining a lifestyle that is conducive to
developing a healthy mind, body and spirit as well as a
beautiful appearance. In other words, your interior
should be just as healthy and beautiful and your exterior.

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2. Who needs self-care? Every mother, sister, aunt, and
daughter you know! It doesn’t matter if you’re married or
single. With children or without. Black or white. Blue
collar or White collar. A CEO, MBA, MD, PhD, RN or CPA.
Self-employed or employee. Stay at home mom or single
mom. You need self-care.

3. When is a good time for self-care? Self-care is actually a

lifestyle as opposed to task. Your self-care should be part
of your everyday way of living. My goal for you is that
eventually a self-caring lifestyle will be your normal
routine.

4. Where do I begin? Surprise! You’ve already begun!

Reading this book is your first step. Whether you’ve

purchased your own copy or you’ve borrowed this from
someone else, you are now on your way!

5. Why should I be concerned about my self-care?

Because if you’re not caring for your entire self, who else
is going to do it? No one knows your needs better than
you. If you’re not meeting your self-care needs (eating
right, exercising, controlling your stress,
praying/meditating, forgiving others) you are not truly
meeting the needs of those who count on you.

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 2

The Syndrome
At some point in our journey as women, we embraced the
notion that we should be superwomen. The more tasks we
could conquer the better. Remember “I can bring home the
bacon, fry it up in a pan and never ever let him forget he’s a
man?” For so long those song lyrics along with “I am woman
hear me roar” were almost an anthem for every woman on the
move. Unfortunately, what no one ever realized is there are
consequences and serious effects when we choose to put on
our cape and don the capital S on our chest. We become
casualties of an internal battle we must constantly fight.

As we take on role of caregiver for our children, parents,

husbands, elders and a host of others, we routinely put our own
well-being and health on the back burner. We become burned
out from our roles as leaders in the workplace as well as at
home. Our days are spent being strong women in the office
and nurturers in the home. We’re the first ones up in the

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morning, the last ones to bed, and can still only manage to
squeeze a few moments of quiet time. We leave one job at
5pm just to begin the second one at 6pm! And after we’ve
worked eight or more hours in the office, managed to get
dinner on the table, help with homework, gotten everyone
bathed and tucked in, and prepared everything for the next day
we crawl into bed ready to collapse only to find our mate ready
for action!

Our days and nights are an endless roller coaster ride that
never allows us to replenish our souls and bodies with the
nutrients they need. We are somewhat comforted by the fact
that we’ve made it through another day accomplishing a never
ending list of tasks; however our mindset is such that if we are
not completely exhausted and mentally depleted by the end of
the workday we believe we are less effective mothers,
caregivers, employees etc.

Women in general, often consider true self-care and pampering

a guilty pleasure. We often make ourselves sacrificial lambs
when it comes to our own needs. Yes I did say needs! We
need more than food, water and oxygen to survive! Self-care is
a need for our overall well-being. When we fail to acknowledge
and address these needs we fail in all of our endeavors.

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Do you think you have everything under control? Have you
convinced yourself everything is fine? I often hear the famous
I’m Fine Line: “I’m fine, I work full-time, I get the kids to
soccer, swimming, baseball, cheerleading, dance class, and
school on time, the laundry’s done, the house is clean, the
dishes are put away, dinner’s on the table every night, I visit my
parents on the weekend, we all attend church on Sunday and
my mate is satisfied!” Well Hallelujah! Everything and everyone
on your list is well taken care of, but what about you? Don’t get
me wrong, I commend you for your hard work, but I’d like you
to begin rethinking the statement “I’m fine”. I too was fine,
doing it all, never asking for help and turning it down when it
was offered. Then one day I walked into my oldest daughter’s
bathroom (she was 6 years old) where she’s stretched out in
her bubble filled bath tub, eyes closed, and with a slow sigh and
deep breath she proclaimed, “This is the life”! As I’m running
through the house chasing her baby sister, picking up dirty
clothes, ironing clean clothes and picking up toys, my 6 year old
is relaxing and pampering herself! That moment I thought,
when was the last time I took a bath? The beautiful Jacuzzi
style corner tub in my bathroom was dry as a bone and covered
in dust! A bath is such a tiny pampering ritual, but the reality
was…as much as I wanted to, had even planned to take a hot
bath every night after I got the girls to bed, I was to tired, to

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depleted mentally and physically to even take 30 minutes to
simply relax in the bath tub. I too thought I was fine, but
looking back, I wasn’t. My patience with my children and family
was short, I was easily irritated most of the time, when
weekends approached I had no energy to enjoy anything, I
woke up exhausted and tense, I ate poorly (often it was what
the kids left), I even spent my lunch hour running errands just
to keep up. I wasn’t fine. I was far from fine.

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too
fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”

-Eddie cantor

I’m truly blessed to have a wonderful man in my life. A man

who really doesn’t ask much of me, appreciates my efforts and
hard work, helps with the laundry and housework, gives me
flowers for no reason, sends me mushy emails and e-cards and
most importantly, lets me know when I’m doing too much. Not
that I listen, but he knows when I’m doing too much for
everyone else without taking a break for me. However; even
when he offered to give me a break I insisted on proclaiming
“I’m fine.”, “I can take care of it.” The reality is we all have this
syndrome…Superwoman Syndrome….to some degree whether
we see it or not. We’ve all heard the saying “everything in
moderation” the same applies for having Superwoman
Syndrome. We can be healthy, self-caring, spirit-filled
Superwomen without sacrificing our mental and physical selves.

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This book is designed to help you recognize the Superwoman in
you, and tame her into a healthy part of your life. An
Empowered Superwoman understands the importance of
balance between the mind, body and soul. An empowered
Superwoman can be found treating herself as opposed to
cheating herself.

Me Stressed?
“Be Wise. Treat yourself, your mind, sympathetically, with loving kindness.
If you are gentle with yourself, you will become gentle with others.”

-Lama Thubten Yeshe

Stress -vs- Self-Care

Mentally we often associate the words self-care with self-ish,

when actually self-care = self-achievement. Self-care directly
impacts your ability to clearly see, set and achieve your dreams
and goals! It is important to fully understand the correlation
your overall well-being has with your entire lifestyle. We often
hear the famous mantra “you can’t love anyone else until you
learn to love yourself.” This same principle applies to self-
care…You cannot give effective care and nurturing to others
until you care and nurture your spiritual, mental and physical

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self.

In asking women across the country the question: “What keeps

you from having a regular self-care routine?” the answers were
almost the same regardless of race, age, marital status, or
number of children in the home…TIME, MONEY and ENERGY!
We will spend our last ounce of time, money and energy on our
children, mates, house and employer, but not on
ourselves…Superwoman Syndrome at its best! In addition to
time, money and energy, the biggest obstacle to self-care is
stress.

Stress is a familiar and powerful foe of the Superwoman. It

manifests in many forms, most of which we don’t even
recognize as stress until it’s too late. The most common
symptoms of stress are headaches, sleep disorders, difficulty
concentrating, short temper, upset stomach, low morale,
depression and anxiety…sound familiar? Girlfriends stress is
just the devil in disguise! It robs us of the ability to be aware of
who we are…children of God!

“Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives
in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God
bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Unlike men who generally respond to stress with hostility,
withdrawal and anger, women are more prone to “Tend and

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Befriend”. In other words we become super strength caregivers
to our children/families (Tend) and we seek support from other
women (Befriend). These responses may seem innocent
enough; however when we immerse ourselves in our care
giving roles we find that our time and energy is depleted at the
end of the day leaving nothing available to deposit into our own
self-care bank. Similarly, our friends can be wonderful sources
of support, but often times an encouraging conversation can
quickly take a turn onto Gossip Avenue, which can cause even
more stress. Keep mental clutter at a minimum by seeking input
from God before consulting well-meaning friends and family.

Obviously we all have stress, it’s inevitable. We have brief,

short-term stressful situations like getting lost, running late, job
interviews or trying to plan errands. We also have long-term
stressful situations such as troubled relationships, terminal
illness in the family, financial difficulties, unexpected pregnancy,
and fear of losing our job. Short-term stress also has short-
term effects like making us feel worried or anxious until the
issue is resolved. Long-term stress, on the other hand can have
detrimental effects on our mental, physical and spiritual health.
Stress breaks down all of our defense mechanisms and triggers
problems that can make us sick as well as worsen health
problems we already have. Stress can cause or at the very
least play a significant role in all of the following: sleeping

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disorders, headaches, constipation, diarrhea, irritability, lack of
energy, lack of concentration, eating too much or not enough,
anger, stomach bloating or cramping, hives, acne, depression,
anxiety, weight fluctuation, high blood pressure, heart
problems, neck/back pain, less sexual desire and diabetes to
name a few.

As women, excuse me Superwomen, we carry much more of

the burden of stress than our male counterparts. We are so
consumed by everything around us we often aren’t even aware
of our stress levels. Don’t let stress fill your mind, body and
spirit with disease!

You have the power to be an Empowered Superwoman! Stress

and Self-Care are bitter enemies. As I mentioned earlier in this
chapter, stress is the spiritual equivalent of the devil. This
being true you can equate the art of self-care with the
divineness of God.

“I need to take an emotional breath, step back and remind myself who’s
actually in charge of my life”
-Judith Knowlton
The stress demon can be tamed, even conquered…The devil is
a liar! Before you can truly embark on your self-care journey
you must first gain control of your stress. Here are 10 Stress
Busters I encourage you to master before moving forward:

1. Relax: Don’t confuse this with rest or sleep! I mean

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 relax your body and your mind. Stop everything you’re
doing find a quiet place (or bubble bath!) and just be still
for at least 20 minutes. Pray, meditate, take deep
breaths, stretch whatever will allow you to concentrate
on nothing except relaxation. Try to incorporate this into
everyday.
2. Me Time: Designate 1 hour per day just for you. I
know this may seem impossible. If you don’t think you
can start with one hour, start with 30 minutes and
gradually progress to 1 hour…baby steps will get you
there. Remember, your journey will take time. Use your
Me Time just for you, not to run errands or pay bills.
Some great me time activities you may consider: Read a
book or magazine, take yourself to lunch at your favorite
restaurant, watch your favorite television show or movie
alone! The ultimate me time (and my favorite): Take a
vacation day from work, but still take your kids to
school/daycare! You can have a full day of just enjoying
yourself.
3. Sleep: Ideally 8 hours of sleep per night is appropriate.
Realistically most of us only get around 6 hours! This is
another one that may take some time to work through. I
started by choosing two weeknights that I could go to
sleep the same time as my children. Once you can
commit to that schedule, try to adjust your sleep time to

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 one hour earlier than normal for 3 nights of the week.
For example if you normally go to sleep at 11pm change
it to 10 pm. Allow yourself 2 nights per week to stay up
until your current bedtime. So if you currently go to bed
at 11pm every night, your new schedule should look
something like this (Following this schedule gives you an
extra 9 hours of sleep per week!):

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY

10pm 8pm 10pm 8pm 11pm 11pm 10pm

1 hour Bedtime 1 hour early Bedtime Regular Regular 1 hour

early with kids with kids Time Time early

*If you don’t have children, try taking 1 hour off of your regular bedtime for
at least 2 nights per week then gradually increase to 5 nights per week.

4. Eat: 5 small healthy meals a day is great if you can

manage your time to accommodate that type of
schedule. If not, stick to 3 meals a day, but be sure to
consume at least 16oz of water per day, fuel up on fruits
and veggies as much as possible and go easy on the
carbs!
5. Move It: Exercising your body gives you the energy you
need to exercise your mind! Brisk walks on a lunch hour,
or an aerobic work-out can really get your spirit moving!
6. Talk: Don’t keep negative thoughts and feelings bundled
inside. Talk to the person you have an issue with.

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 Discuss your feelings and then give it to God to resolve.
Don’t gossip with others that only adds fuel to the fire
and increases your stress level.
7. Give In: Compromise. You needn’t go into battle every
time you disagree with your spouse, boss and/or
children. Instead of holding on to the “my way or the
highway” attitude, consider meeting someone halfway.
This doesn’t mean being a pushover each time someone
asks you something, but take a minute to think about
whether or not the issue is worth the stress. It takes less
energy to simply say ok, let’s do it your way this time.
8. Write It: Start a journal. Write a few sentences
everyday (this is a great activity for your Me Time!)
Remember don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day on
this one. Your journaling shouldn’t be a chore. Write
when you’re moved to put your feelings on paper. Hint:
Journaling is a great way to channel anger. Before
approaching the person who has upset you, write your
feelings down. This will usually calm you down and give
you a better perspective.
9. Nourish: Constantly seek ways to nourish your soul.
Read an inspirational book, listen to a CD that uplifts
your spirit, attend church regularly, and/or take
advantage of self-care retreats in your area.
10. Set Limits: You can’t do it all. Stop over-committing

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 yourself. You have to learn when and how to say no
even to (especially to) your loved ones. I’ve had a habit
of saying yes, then fifteen minutes later regretting my
decision usually because I had no idea where I’d find the
time to fulfill my obligation. Now when a co-worker,
friend, family member, minister, teacher, etc. asks
something of me I ask if I can get back to them
tomorrow. This allows me time to look at my schedule
and really consider whether or not I can make the
commitment without over committing myself!
“Saying NO can be the ultimate self-care.”
-Claudia Black

Beginning Your Self-Care Journey

“To keep the body in good health is a duty…otherwise we shall not be able
to keep our mind strong and clear.” Buddha

Nurturing the Mind, Body and Spirit

Conquering the stress demon is your first step in your self-care

journey. Remember, stress affects the well-being of your
physical, mental and spiritual self. If you’ve worked on, and
hopefully mastered, the 10 Stress Busters from the last chapter

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you’re now ready to make the next turn on your Self-Care road
map.

It’s important to realize that self-care is a life-changing process.

The habits we have now have taken us a lifetime to acquire so
we shouldn’t have expectations that they will all go away in a
week, a month, or even a year in some cases. In fact, trying to
change everything at once could wreak havoc on your lifestyle
and eventually lead to frustration and failure. Consider yourself
a work-in-progress.

Physical Self-Care

Indeed our physical needs must be met to keep our mental and
spiritual selves healthy. A weak body only houses a weak mind
and spirit. A few years ago I visited my physician for a check-
up. He asked if I had any complaints or concerns, my reply
was, “I’m always tired. No matter how much sleep I get, I’m
always tired.” He continued my exam and ran a full battery of
blood tests, but could find nothing wrong with me. His
suggestion: exercise! My immediate thought was how can I
exercise, I’m too tired to exercise! If I had energy to exercise I
wouldn’t have a problem! But, I adore my doctor and respect
his opinions so I took his advice. Of course I was working full-
time and busy taking care of my family so I had no idea where I
would find the time. As a result, I ended up purchasing a work-
out (Pilates) DVD. I would do it a few times a week, and I
started to notice a difference almost immediately. Keep in
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mind, I am hardly an exercise guru, and I hardly believed
exercise would make any difference in my energy level but after
a week there was really a difference. If I did the work out in
the morning (which was challenging) I was energized and ready
to go about my day with a renewed spirit. If I did the work out
in the evenings I was rejuvenated and able to finish the day
without losing my patience with my family. And most
importantly, because my body was releasing stress when I
exercised, I went to bed with less tension which allowed my
body to truly rest. Did you know that you can sleep for twelve
hours and still wake up exhausted if your body doesn’t truly
rest? Stress is a horrible bed partner! He steals the covers,
kicks, pushes and tosses all over the bed. As long as you allow
stress into your bed, you’ll always deprive yourself of a restful
night. You may sleep, but your body is unable to fully shut
down when you’re sleeping with stress. You may find that
when you wake up the next morning, not only are you still tired,
your back and muscles are tight and/or aching, your joints are
stiff and you may even have a headache. Start working on your
physical self instead of letting the stress demon work on you!
Make a commitment to work on these four steps for Physical
Well-Being:

1. Diet: You must nourish your body with the fuel it needs
to operate efficiently. Now don’t rush off to start some
fad diet that may or may not work! That’s not what I

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 mean when I say diet. I mean eat right, and don’t skip
meals. This is a huge obstacle for me, and I am still a
work-in-progress in the area. I often wait until I’m
starving to finally eat a real meal by which time I’m
usually at the point of desperation so I end up eating
whatever is handy (usually a bowl of cereal). I’m
improving my habits, taking baby steps, but making
progress. In the case of diet, make sure you are not
dieting. The goal of this step is to have a healthy diet.
Sometimes we treat our vehicles better than we do our
bodys. You wouldn’t fill your gas tank with syrup, so
why would you fill your body with greasy junk food? Try
to “fuel up” with fruits, veggies and proteins. Peanut
butter, chicken and tuna salad are great sources of
protein. Eat wholegrains like wheat breads and crackers.
Avoid large amounts of caffeinated beverages, I’m a
self-confessed coffee-holic so this is a major challenge
for me! Don’t be fooled by the temporary energy jolt you
get from caffeine or sugar. Your energy will wear off,
and eventually your body will become immune to it’s
effects altogether. The bottom line eat right, try not to
skip meals, avoid foods and beverages that have no
nutritional value.
2. Exercise: Walk, run, jog…MOVE! I can’t stress this one
enough! You’ve got to get off of your bump if you really

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 want to change your physical self! Exercise, especially
aerobic exercise let’s our body know we mean business!
It gets our mental and physical juices flowing and our
hearts pumping! Take a brisk walk on your lunch break,
or find a workout DVD…I love Donna Richardson’s
Sweatin’ in The Spirit DVD! Remember, you’re not
training for the Olympic Games, you’re just taking control
of your body! Physical activity not only gets your body in
shape, but it also puts you in a better mood! It’s true!
Your body makes an increased amount of chemicals
called endorphins after you work out. They relieve stress
and improve your mood. In a pinch, you can even turn
on your favorite CD and dance your way into a good
mood. I do this sometimes with my girls just to get our
energy (and moods) up and running after a long day!
3. Massage: Or should I say mass-aaah-ge? Just saying
the word invokes calm. The power of touch is amazing.
No matter how young or old you are, we all respond to
human touch. A massage is such a powerful tool it can
bring about complete relaxation and peace in a matter of
minutes. Even a seemingly simple foot and leg massage
relax your entire body. The following diagram illustrates
how much of your body is affected through one foot!

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Mental Self-Care

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Mental health is quickly

becoming one of the biggest health concerns in the United
States. We’re coming to learn that Mental Health is more than
whether or not you’re sane. It is a vast universe of situations
and states of mind. Assuming you are not already diagnosed
with a mental health problem, this peace of the self-care
journey, focuses on achieving and maintaining optimal mental
health as it relates to your total self-care transformation.

1. Know and Accept Yourself: As little girls growing up we

all dreamed of being someone else…a Princess, an
actress, a singer or even someone we knew at school.
As women we still possess this little girl mentality to
some degree. We still compare ourselves to the

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 unrealistic standards we see on television and in print
media. For you to progress successfully through your
self-care journey it is important for you to know who you
are, where you’ve come from and where you are going.
This is a personal journey, but once you know and
understand the beauty of you it’s so much easier to
accept yourself regardless of what the world thinks or
says! You can be satisfied knowing you are what God has
made you to be! Consider yourself a jigsaw puzzle;
every piece of you is unique. None of your pieces will fit
anyone other than you similarly no one else’s pieces will
fit you.
2. Improve Self-Esteem:
“Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me ‘cause I
imagine me in a place of no insecurities and I'm finally happy ‘cause I
imagine me… Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never
did deserve me, can you imagine me?…. Being strong and not letting
people break me down, you won't get that joy this time around. Lord
Can you imagine me?... Imagine me, being free, trusting You totally,
finally I can imagine me, I admit it was hard to see You being in love
with someone like me, finally I can imagine me.”
-Lyrics from “Imagine Me” by Kirk Franklin
Once you can accept and know yourself, you can appreciate
who you are. Appreciating yourself gives you the confidence
and strength you need to overcome everyday and
unexpected obstacles. The dictionary defines self-esteem as
“A confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” One thing I hear

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 regularly from women in passing is I know I’m a strong,
independent woman, I’m a survivor, I’m beautiful, I’m
intelligent….I have it going on! Honestly, I think sometimes
these are simply statements we use to convince ourselves of
who we are as opposed to everyone around us. A woman
with high self-esteem who truly knows and is satisfied with
herself, never needs to proclaim her attributes. It’s
comparable to the fact that a beautiful woman never needs
to actually tell anyone how pretty she is…it’s obvious. High
self-esteem shines like a beam of light. It shows itself in the
way you walk, talk, listen, and interact with the world.
Those among us who are shouting our independence,
strength, and intelligence, are more than likely the ones who
are the unhappiest with themselves and their situations.
This doesn’t imply that they are not independent, strong and
intelligent women, but if you’re repeating it over and over
you yourself are probably the one that needs convincing, not
everyone else.

When your self-esteem is not at a level that allows you to

appreciate you and where you’ve come from, it’s natural for
you to allow others to dictate and decide your worth. Low
self-esteem can result in serious depression and can cause
you to have dysfunctional relationships (romantic and
platonic). Your level of esteem is based on you and how you

22
 view yourself. It is not dependent on how the world sees
you. You are your most valuable asset! If your self-esteem
is where you think it should be…you go girl! If you’re still a
work-in-progress, don’t give up…your self-esteem can
always be improved! Imagine You:

• Believing in Yourself!
• Internalizing positive affirmations
• Planning lifelong goals that are attainable
• Loving yourself and those around you
unconditionally
• Letting go of past short-comings, disappointments
and failures
• Accepting your mistakes, learning from them and
moving on
• Visualizing and internalizing being prosperous
mentally, physically and emotionally
• Not letting finances (or lack of) determine your
self-worth
3. Be Optimistic: An Optimistic attitude is your biggest ally! If
you think negative thoughts, you will exist in a negative cloud.
Once you start thinking positive, positive things will start
happening. At the very least, you’ll be able to see something
positive in everything.

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Spiritual Self-Care

Meeting your mental and physical self-care needs will naturally

improve your spiritual self. However; there is still more to be
done in relation to your Spiritual Self-Care. Our spirit is
essentially the foundation of who we are. When you have a
spirit of peace and compassion you are able to experience
peace and compassion in everything and everyone you
encounter. Your spiritual “work out” should be practiced daily.
It will probably be the most difficult road to follow on your self-
care journey. Not because it requires a lot, but because it
requires something most people have a difficult time mastering:
the “S” words: Stillness and Silence. Stillness helps us
experience our body as a “sacred temple of the spirit”. In
stillness we must resist the urge to think beyond the present
moment and disregard everything outside of ourselves. In
silence we can evaluate our total self and our life situation.
Remember, your spiritual self knows your needs! To keep
yourself healthy spiritually use the art of Stillness and Silence as
tools in practicing regular Prayer and/or Meditation.

I prefer to combine both Prayer and Meditation (Meditative

Prayer). Schedule two times during the day that you can
practice your Meditative Prayer without interruption (early
morning and late evening). The ultimate goals of meditative

24
prayer are to interrupt the stress and/or stressful situations,
become closer to God and to have a period of relaxation,
stillness and silence. Following these steps will help you
develop your Meditative Prayer “style”. As you begin to master
the process you can create your own personalized spiritual
“work-out”.

• Find a comfortable quiet place for your Meditative Prayer

• Sit still and allow yourself to breath deeply. Inhale through your
nose, making sure to fill your lungs, and exhale slowly through
your mouth.
• Close your eyes
• Listen with your whole being
• Begin your prayer
• Pray humbly without making demands
• Pray with an open heart and spirit
• Upon completion of your prayer allow yourself to sit still and
silent while you continue your cleansing breaths. It may take a
few minutes or up to an hour for you to feel ready to get up
• This is a good time to write your thoughts down in a journal

Let Go
25
Forgiveness and Self-Care

“To err is human; to forgive is divine.” Our most unlikely

obstacle to self-care is holding on to past hurts. Not being able
to forgive those who have hurt us takes a huge toll on our
physical, mental and spiritual health. As women we have the
gift of being able to hold a grudge. In our lifetime we will
experience hurts and disappoints because of someone else’s
decisions. Even those who are our loved ones can and will be
hurtful at times. It is our responsibility to make a healthy
choice about how these situations will affect our overall well-
being. Remember, our God is a forgiving God, if he can forgive
us for all of our sins who are we to hold grudges against one
another?

I am truly a witness to the power of forgiveness and how

empowering forgiving someone is. For most women the
ultimate pain is to be betrayed by your mate regardless of the
situation (infidelity, abuse, addiction, etc). Once that line has
been crossed it is difficult to grow beyond those circumstances.
As most women do, instead of sitting down and having a
reasonable conversation with the person I said I cared so much
about, I used every argument we had as a platform to bring up
every painful thing he had ever done. What made it worse was
the fact that it wasn’t days or weeks, but years that this
26
lasted. I absolutely couldn’t even consider forgiving and moving
on, and that bitterness and frustration and pain came out in
every interaction we had. I refused to even consider forgiving
him, until I felt like he had suffered as much as, if not more
than, I had. My heart and spirit became so toxic it began to
change the person I knew I was. So I prayed. I had prayed
before, but it was what I call a “surface” prayer. A prayer that
would sound good on the outside; but really had no substance.
A prayer that said everything a prayer should say, but really
didn’t come from the depths of my heart. But the last time my
prayer was real, it came from my heart. I asked God to give
me peace in my relationship and in my heart. I asked Him to
take away the bitterness and the malice. I asked Him to forgive
me for not having a forgiving heart, and I asked Him to help me
to make the best decision about my relationship after I have
forgiven.

In case you didn’t know…our God is an awesome God! He can

be so discreet that you don’t even know you’ve been blessed!
All of a sudden, I began to see this man as a person, as
opposed to the man who had betrayed me. When he told me
he was going somewhere I didn’t doubt or question it anymore.
When he said caring things to me I didn’t roll my eyes and turn
away anymore. I wasn’t carrying the burden at all. Girlfriends,
I simply gave it to God, and asked him to give us the strength
and wisdom to make the best decisions about our relationship.

27
How divine! Once you honestly and freely forgive someone for
past hurts and misunderstandings something divine happens to
everyone involved! Your ability to love and show compassion to
each other soars on the barometer.

Don’t let not being able to forgive cost you valuable

relationships. If it’s a friend, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a
husband, a boyfriend…forgive. If they’ve lied, cheated, stolen,
abused…forgive.

Pampering
The Ultimate Indulgence

Pampering and self-care are not one and the same as most tend
to think. Pampering is actually part of self-care…arguably the
most indulgent part! Throughout this book you’ve learned how
to take care of your mental, physical and spiritual self.
Pampering combines all three of these areas. When you truly
PAMPER yourself you are indulging your mind, body and soul.

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 Pedicure (and manicure)
Aromatherapy
Moisturize
Polish
Exfoliate
Read
Pedicure (and manicure): If you’re walking that walk make
sure you’re doing it on beautiful feet! Keep your hands smooth
with a hand exfoliant, make sure your finger and toe nails stay
clean and well-groomed whether you keep them polished or
not!
Aromatherapy: Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils to
treat ailments. These conditions range from physical conditions
to emotional problems, from headaches to herpes, dry skin to
acne and arthritis to asthma.

Aromas actually trigger the release of chemicals in the brain

that create a feeling of well-being. Scientists say your body's
response to an aroma takes just four seconds. The affect of
scents differ from person to person however; aromatherapists
have developed a “dictionary” of scents with their most
probable effects:
Aphrodisiacs:
jasmine, ylang ylang, patchouli
Energizers:
lemon, basil, bergamot, sweet orange, peppermint, eucalyptus,
tangerine
Soothing PMS:
cedarwood, clary sage, fennel, geranium, nerali, Roman
chamomile
Relaxation:
lavender, myrrh, cardamom, cedarwood, German chamomile,
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clary sage, frankincense
Skin care:
lavender, geranium, ylang ylang (all skin types); rosemary,
rosewood, carrot seed, sandalwood, peppermint, rosemary (dry
skin); basil, eucalyptus, cedarwood, cypress, lemongrass, ylang
ylang, sage (oily skin)

Moisturize: Every inch of your skin needs hydration. Make sure

you have moisturizers that are specifically formulated for the
face or body. In other words, don’t use your body lotion on
your face! Moisture is the key to keeping a youthful, radiant
glow.
Polish: Invest in a decadent body scrub (try a sugar scrub). Try
to use it 1-2 times per week to polish your entire body. You’ll
be amazed at how wonderful this process feels. For a real treat
go to a spa and ask for a body scrub treatment; it is pure bliss.
Don’t go cheap on this, splurge on a good scrub it’s worth it!
Exfoliate: Like your body, your face also requires “polishing”.
Exfoliating your face is necessary to remove dead skin cells and
leave your skin glowing. Frequency on this will depend on the
type of exfoliant you choose and your skin type.
Read: Whether it’s a good book or your favorite magazine, read
something that allows you to escape your everyday routine.
Make a commitment to read a book a week (or month) or start
a new subscription to a magazine that focuses on your favorite
subject.
Pampering On The Go
If you travel frequently, there’s no need to neglect your regular
pampering routine. Keep a separate toiletry bag just for your
pampering supplies. You can even keep it in your suitcase all
the time so you’ll never forget it! You should always keep an

30
ample supply of at least your basic pampering products. I’m
sure you keep a sewing kit, and a tool kit at home now you
need to build your Pamper kit. The next time you’re in your
favorite all-purpose store (Target is my favorite!) look for a
small cosmetic bag to store all of your goodies. Here are some
pamper-kit essentials:

A Manicure/Pedicure set
Body Polish/Scrub
Body Lotion, Cream or Butter
Face Exfoliant and Cleanser
Your favorite facial
Eye Pillow
Foot Scrub and Moisturizer
Moisturizing Shower Gel or Bar Soap
Pampering On a Budget!

As my fabulous southern relatives would say “We all ain’t able!”

As much I would love to make a trip to a spa every week, hire a
personal trainer to whip me into shape, a dietician to prepare all
of my meals and my own personal pilates instructors, the reality
is…none of that is happening anytime soon! On the upside
though, being broke or on a tight budget does not mean you
have to sacrifice your self-care. All things are possible! If you
can find the best deals on shoes, clothes, accessories, laundry
detergent, and groceries, you can find the best deals on
pampering too! Try these ideas for pampering yourself without

31
going bankrupt!

• Purchase some of your basic supplies (foot pumice, loofah

sponges, cosmetic bag, etc.) from a 99 cents store.

• Consider making your own spa bath and body products.

Soaps, candles, lotions, bath crystals, body oils. Scented
oils can be purchased at your local craft store, but you’ll
get a better selection and better quality from an online
supplier. Soap and candle making supplies can also be
purchased at your local craft store. You can purchase a
nice moisturizing lotion (unscented) and add your own
scented oil. Bath crystals are simple to make with a
combination of Epsom salts and Dead Sea Salts both of
which can be purchased at most grocery stores; all you
need to do is add your scented oil.

• Contact your local massage school, to see if they offer

massages to the public. These massages are usually from
advanced students, and are normally free or considerably
less than what you’d pay at a spa.

• Instead of paying for a pricey gym membership, invest

$30-$40 in a good work-out DVD, a set of 10 lb. weights,
and a Yoga/Pilates mat! Add a brisk walk or jog and it’s
money well spent.

• Turn your bathroom into a mini spa! It’s the smallest room
in the house, but you can do wonders with it! Go to a
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 local super discount store (Big Lots!, dd’s discount, AJ
Wright, Ross) to buy things like baskets, candles, clear
vases, a new shower curtain, and rug for your spa-to-be.
Use a relaxing spa color like aqua blue, lavender or even
white. Use one of the baskets for magazines, and fill the
others with some of your home made bath products. You
can use the vases as containers to show off your bath
crystals (the crystals will also fill the bathroom with your
favorite scent)!

Partner Pampering
Share the joy! Recruit your significant other as a partner for
your pampering! If the new you impresses the one you love,
don’t let him miss out! Most spas offer couples packages if you
really want to splurge, but if you want to keep it simple and add
partner pampering to your self-care lifestyle go for it!
Designate one night a week (or month) that is just for you and
your sweetie to pamper each other. You can alternate who
plans the day/evening, and whether or not you’ll do your
pampering at home or at a spa.

The possibilities are endless when you pamper at home. I’m a

firm believer that just about anything you do with someone you
love can be romantic and relaxing as long as you have the right
ambiance…candle light, a soothing CD, and a perfectly scented
aromatherapy candle. Add any pampering activity to this and
watch out! Some ideas for you and your partner to enjoy from

33
the comforts of home: Pedicure (with a foot/leg massage),
Manicure (with a hand/arm massage), scalp and face massage,
a shower together using a decadent sugar scrub on each other,
or A hot bath or hot tub soak together. To make the
experience even more interesting, partake in your pampering in
different rooms throughout the house. More than likely you’ll
end up in the bedroom, so you may as well have fun working
your way there!

Sister-Friend Pampering
Girls night/day can always include a bit of pampering! Again,
you can plan a day at a local spa or you can be creative with
your time (and money)! Instead of (or in addition to) a book
club start a Spa Club! Get a group of friends, family and co-
workers together and plan to meet once a month (or week) at
each other’s home for a day or evening of pampering! Some
ideas for your Spa Club set-up:

Location: In the Spring and Summer consider using your patio

to set up your pampering activities. During the colder months a
living or family room is fine. Depending on what type of
activities you have planned you can even use your kitchen. Also,
if you plan to have multiple activities there’s no rule that says
you have to keep everyone confined to one space.

Menu: Prepare or purchase pre-made dishes that are light, but

filling. A salad and fruit buffet is nice, but so is a dessert buffet!

34
Use your best judgment, just make sure you don’t fill your
guests with heavy foods.

Activities: Guests can make their own facials and use them!
Have a massage night by asking a massage therapist over to do
15-20 minute massages for all of your guests. Make sure you
agree on a price beforehand and let your guests know how
much they should be prepared to spend. Pedicures on the
Patio! Ask everyone to bring their own foot baths, and the host
can supply nail polishes, files (new), foot soaks and scrubs, and
towels!

Creating Your Spiritual Spa

Thus far, you’ve been “building” the new you throughout this
book. We started out with the blue prints (The 5 “W”s and
Understanding Super Woman Syndrome). We laid the
foundation (Mastering the 10 Stress Busters). Next we put up
the walls and roof (Physical, Mental and Spiritual self-care).
Then came the insulation, wiring and plumbing (Learning to
Forgive); We’ve done all the landscaping (Pampering); and now
it’s time to furnish our new dwelling (Creating Your Spiritual
Spa)!

To really experience and benefit from this book you have to

35
actually create a plan. Your Spiritual Spa is your get-a-away
everyday! It should incorporate everything you’ve embraced on
your journey. This is a 2-Part process:

Part 1 is creating a written self-care schedule. Your schedule

should be a map of your self-care activities. The wonderful
thing about your Spiritual Spa is that it incorporates everything
we’ve mapped out in this book. Each chapter’s activities relates
somehow to the next. Exercising is a stress buster, but it’s also
part of your physical self-care; Meditative Prayer is part of your
spiritual self-care, but it’s also a wonderful “Me Time” activity.
Your self-care schedule should be written down and posted
where you (and everyone else) can review it daily. Here is a
sample:

Monday:
Morning Pilates & Meditative Prayer (Morning & Evening)
Facial
Hot Bath (Me Time)!
Tuesday:
Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer
Gym
Read Magazine (Me Time)!
Wednesday:
Morning Pilates & Meditative Prayer (Morning & Evening)
Pedicure/Manicure (Me Time)!
Thursday:
Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer

36
 Gym
Body Scrub
Massage Appointment (Me Time)!
Friday:
Morning Pilates & Meditative Prayer (Morning & Evening)
Partner Pampering
Saturday:
Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer
Hair Appointment (Me Time)!
Sunday:
Morning & Evening Meditative Prayer
Part 2 is actually creating your physical spa space! If you
have a limited amount of extra space at home, this can be
challenging (but not impossible!). Everyone has a
bathroom…use your’s to your advantage. If you’re fortunate
enough to have a Master Bathroom great! If you’re
adventurous you can turn your entire bedroom into a little spa
sanctuary for you and your mate (or just for you if you’re
single!).

Fill your bathroom with tranquil colored towels, rugs and

accessories. Lavender, aqua blue, and white are soothing
choices. Extra special touches include lightly fragrant potpourri,
sea shells in a dish or lying on the counter, aromatic glycerin
soaps (in soft colors), scented candles in various sizes and
shapes (try to stick to one color). If you can, splurge on a
luxurious rug. It’s absolutely decadent to step out of a bath tub

37
onto a plush rug! If you’re really short on space don’t fret, here
are some other ideas:

• Patios/Balconies: Transform this space into a little oasis

using an abundance of tropical plants and a small
fountain. You can even put down an inexpensive outdoor
rug and use the area for your own meditation garden, a
cozy reading area, or a quiet spot to give yourself a
pedicure!
• Have Mat Will Travel!: Purchase a nice yoga/pilates mat
and you can set up your Spiritual Spa in any corner of the
house! When you’re ready for your spa space lay your
mat in a quiet spot in the house burn a few candles or
incense nearby (make sure you put these where they
won’t be easily knocked over!); use the mat for
meditative prayer and/or stretching exercises!
Be creative with your spa space. There’s no right or wrong way
as long as it meets your needs!

Your Change of Address

You’ve built your Spiritual Spa from the foundation up! Now it’s
time to let everyone know your new address! Send out notices
via email, or make a flyer just to introduce the new you!

38
 I’ve Moved!
Dearest Friends & Family:
My old address:
1313 Syndrome Street
Stressed Out, CA 90909
Is a thing of the past! You can now find me relaxing at:
777 Renewed Road
Rejoicing, CA 90210

Now Celebrate By Hosting a “Housewarming” Spa Party!

Walk The Walk & Talk The Talk

Living as an Empowered Superwoman

You can read a million inspirational, self-help, motivational tell

me what I want to hear books, but if you don’t utilize the
information or if you only use bits and pieces of the message
they have no value. From this point I want you to not only

39
know how to live a self-caring lifestyle I want you to actively
live a self-caring lifestyle. Everyone you encounter should see
the renewed you. The relaxed, rejuvenated rejoicing you! From
the soles of your feet to the tops of your head you are
empowered! What will everyone notice?

A new walk…because you are taking strides full of pride, with

your shoulders held high, not carrying the heavy burdens of
stress.
A new talk…your words are filled with encouragement and
peace, not the malice and spitefulness of gossip.
A new energy…you’re uplifting and energizing your soul by
eating right, exercising, praying and meditating.
A new look…and girlfriend it looks good! You’re polished and
glowing and you know it because your self-esteem is at its
peak! Hair, make-up, manicure, pedicure…DONE!
A new thought-process…you understand that to be at your
optimal physical, mental and spiritual level you must nurture
yourself first. You can validate that self-care has nothing to do
with being self-ish, but everything to do with creating a healthy,
harmonious, complete self!
A new heart…A heart that has forgiven, and continues to allow
forgiveness into it’s home, workplace, and ministry.
A new smile…It’s a new genuine smile, that’s not trying to
hide the stress of being everything to everyone, while doing
nothing for yourself.

Are your children ready? Are your co-workers ready? Is your

employer ready? Is your mate ready? And most importantly are
you ready? It’s time! I say YES you are ready to start living as
an Empowered Superwoman!

40
 9

Resources

TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL JOURNEY

DO NOT attempt to change your life in a
week! You will set yourself up for failure.
How many New Year’s resolutions have you abandoned after a
few weeks? One of the most common reasons for giving up
on self-care is that we jump in head first, and try to give up
habits we’ve had for years in two weeks! Habits take just as
long to change as they are to start. If you smoke you didn’t
start off smoking a pack a day you worked up to that. If you
drink too much coffee, you didn’t start off with four cups a
day. If you’re overweight you didn’t just wake up with an
extra 30 pounds one morning. Get my point? You know
yourself better than anyone else so set reasonable and
realistic expectations for yourself.

Make gradual modifications to your

lifestyle. For example, start with exercising 3 days per

41
 week instead of everyday. Make adjustments to your diet on
a meal-by-meal basis. Start with having a healthy breakfast
instead of just coffee, then the following week, try changing to
a healthy lunch, change your dinner menu last. Give yourself
a month to completely change your dietary habits.

Set Goals: track your progress and set reasonable goals

for yourself using a 12-Step Recovery Plan similar to the one
illustrated on the next page. It’s always rewarding to see an
illustration of your progress.

Be Encouraged! No matter how quickly or slowly you

progress down the self-care highway be proud of yourself!
Reward yourself with something special each time you reach
your goal! Remember it’s not a race…you’re the only winner!

42
 12-Step Plan
For Self-Care Recovery
Steps To Master Recommended My Goal Met Reward
Time Frame Recovery
Time Goal
1. 10 Stress Busters 3-6 weeks

2. Eat Right 4 weeks

3. Exercise 2-4 weeks

4. Know Yourself 2-4 weeks

5. Improve Self-Esteem 4-6 weeks

6. Be Optimistic 1-2 weeks

7. Meditative Prayer 1-2 weeks

8. Forgive On-going

9. Self-Care Tool Kit 1-3 weeks

10. Learn to PAMPER 3 weeks

11. Your Spiritual Spa 1-2 weeks

12. Live daily as an On-going

Empowered Superwoman!

43
 April’s
Fabulous Favorites
Spa Treatment
Full Body Massage w/Body Wrap & Facial
Pilates DVD
THE METHOD Pilates
Aerobic DVD
Donna Richardson’s Sweatin’ In The Spirit
Inspirational CD
HERO by Kirk Franklin
Power Drink
Jamba Juice: Orange Dream
Body Scrub
Anahita’s Brown Sugar Scrub
Aromatherapy Candle
Idris & Paisley by Warm Spirit
Face Moisturizer
Kindness Cream by Warm Spirit
Exfoliating Face Scrub
St. Ives Renew and Firm Apricot Scrub
Body Moisturizer
Sweet Love Body Souffle by Warm Spirit
44
 Epilogue
As I was in the midst of writing this book a friend sent me this prayer
via email. I was immediately touched by the simplicity and
profoundness of the words and how much the message details so
many of the obstacles we encounter when it comes to self-care:
relationships, finances, debt, jobs, mental health, physical health!
What better epilogue than this prayer. I pray this for every woman
who touches this book and is touched by this book. I pray this prayer
for myself as I continue my self-care journey. I pray this prayer for
the beautiful friend who blessed me with these words and for Bishop
T.D. Jakes for speaking them.

Continue on your journey.

Be Encouraged.

Thank you for letting me share myself with you.

Imagine You!

45
NAME IT and CLAIM IT,
BELIEVE IT AND RECEIVE IT!!!!!!
Prayer by Bishop T.D. Jakes
"When you are DOWN to nothing ... God is UP to something"
Father, in the Name of Jesus, bless me even while I'm reading this prayer
and bless the one that sent this to me in a special way. Open supernatural
doors in our lives today. Save and set free!
Give us a double portion of your Spirit as we take back everything that the
devil has stolen: Emotional Health, Physical Health, Finances,
Relationships, Children, Jobs, Homes, Marriages.

I cancel every plot, plan and scheme the enemy has devised Against us in
the MATCHLESS NAME OF JESUS. And I declare: NO WEAPON FORMED
AGAINST US WILL PROSPER.
I speak LIFE into every dead situation. And, I thank you that nothing is over
until YOU say it's over! I speak prophetically into our lives and to our
situations:
Our households are blessed;
Our health is blessed;
Our marriages are blessed;
Our finances are blessed;
Our businesses are blessed,
Our jobs are blessed;
Our children are blessed;
Our grandchildren are blessed;
Our parents are blessed;
Our siblings are blessed;
Our ministries are blessed; and,
Our decisions are blessed.
Husbands are on the way;
Wives are on the way;
Mortgages are paid and debts cancelled;
Our hearts' desires are on the way;
According to YOUR perfect will and plan for our lives. YOU SAID YOU'LL
NEVER FORSAKE US! In Jesus’ name AMEN!

46
 For information on speaking engagements, seminars and retreats featuring
April Dawn Richmond or to invite her to speak at your next event please email
her at AprilDRichmond@yahoo.com

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