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If, in essence, we are the space in which life unfolds, a space which is
inseperable from that very unfolding, and if the separate self is merely an
‘illusion’ of thought, then what place does 'therapy' have? Who is going to
get healed? Who heals who? Who needs to be fixed?
Doesn't the promise of a 'perfectly healed self' in the future simply keep
the seeker
eker on the treadmill of seeking? Doesn't therapy simply keep the
dream character trapped in the dream?
Well, I think it all depends on what you mean by the word 'therapy'....
Is a 'broken self' who you really are? As long as therapy caters to the
'broken self' that one day will be magically transformed into the 'fixed
self' or the 'healed self' or the ‘perfectly adapted self’, it keeps you
trapped in your identity as a separate person, a fragment of the whole
desperately seeking the whole. It keeps you trapped in your identity as a
separate wave in the ocean - a broken wave that one day will become a
fixed wave.
But a fixed wave, even a perfectly fixed wave, is still a wave. Even
Eve a
perfectly fixed wave is not who you really are. In this sense, therapy
might make your life more comfortable, it might lead to a more
comfortable dream, but it's not going to bring you what you really long
for: the ocean. Even a perfect wave is still desperately
desperately seeking the ocean.
Therapy, as an attempt to fix something that's broken, keeps both the
therapist and the client trapped in the dream of separation. Of course,
there's absolutely nothing wrong with this - if you're going to dream, why
not have a happier, healthier, more productive dream! But ultimately this
kind of therapy is never-ending, as the dream can always be improved.
The self can always be a little bit more perfect. There are endless
problems to fix. Can this kind of therapy really lead to 'healing' in the true
sense of the word? If 'healing' simply means 'wholeness', then no - the
wave can never become whole, it can never reach wholeness, it can only
be more or less a wave, longing for wholeness. Is there something
beyond this kind of ‘therapy’?
The word "therapy" has its roots in the word "therapeia", which is the
Greek word for 'healing' - and 'healing' simply means 'making whole'.
Therapy = healing = wholeness.
But if we're talking about true therapy, true healing, then we're no longer
talking about fixing a broken self. We're talking about a rediscovery: that
this broken, incomplete self is not who you really are. We are talking
about the rediscovery of your true nature. We are talking about the
discovery of wholeness in the midst of every single experience, including
any experience of brokenness or incompleteness, including the painful
experiences, including the devastating ones. True therapy is not about
having ‘better experiences’ – experiences come and go – it’s about
discovering that in which all experiences arise and pass.
True therapy (wholeness, healing) is not a goal, but is already the case.
Wholeness is already here, but it is ignored in our search for wholeness in
the future. Healing is not something that 'happens', it is not something
that we 'work towards', it is not a distant goal - it is what is already
present. Wholeness IS healing. Life itself - what you really are - is already
whole. It is already healed. In true therapy, we get back in touch with
that which is already healed. In this way, we can say that nobody gets
healed. Nobody becomes healed. It is the 'somebody' seeking healing that
is exposed, and in this exposure, healing is revealed to be there, already.
True therapy, true healing, is about the discovery of what is already
present.
In the end, the seeker does not 'find' healing. The seeker does not even
'become' healed. Healing is not an experience, ultimately. It is the space
in which all experiences - 'good' and 'bad' ones - come and go. The
seeker does not become healed, but the seeker is exposed in the light of
healing. The seeker does not become healed, because the seeker is, in
this sense, already healed. The 'broken seeker', looking for healing,
already appears within healing. In this discovery, who, exactly, is now
broken? Nobody. Nobody was every broken - there is nobody to fix. In
this sense, therapy is the rediscovery of who you really are, beyond your
story of who you are. It is the discovery that nobody needs to be healed.
Therapy is a beautiful paradox.
So, the client’s position of “I’m broken, please fix me” becomes “I am
open to the discovery of wholeness within this experience of brokenness.”
And the therapist’s position of “you’re broken, I’m going to fix you”
becomes “I see that there’s nobody there who is fundamentally broken,
but I also acknowledge the experience of brokenness. I’m open to
exploring this experience with you (exploring your dream), and I’m open
to rediscovering that which is already okay, within that very experience.
Wholeness is already there in all the experiences you are currently
running away from. Let’s shine light on the various forms of seeking that
appear to be operating, and in that exposure, discover the ever-present
healing that you are, that I am. I’m not here to cure you. In that sense
I’m not really a ‘therapist’, that’s just a role being played in this moment.
Really I’m simply here to go on adventure with you. An adventure with
myself, because it’s all the same mind, it’s all the same seeker. We are
explorers, already healed, shining light on that which is looking for
healing, coming to see that this search is not necessary. We do not deny
the search, but we do not fuel it either. We do not deny the dream, but
we are not here to indulge it either.”
Now there is no longer any burden on the therapist to ‘heal the client’.
The therapist knows that healing is already present, before the client even
begins to speak! The therapy session is simply a dance within wholeness.
It not about fixing the client, it is about dancing with them as the ever-
present healing begins to shine.
The seeker does not get healed – healing destroys the seeker! The
seeker does not even ‘experience’ healing (although this is the story they
may tell) – healing is the space in which all experience comes and goes.
Life is already healed – the ocean is already appearing as the waves – the
waves are already perfect as they are. On some level, even the most
‘damaged’ client knows this. We do not speak to the ‘damaged self’ – we
speak to that which already knows that they are not that. We speak to
that which is already healed.
The client may go to therapy to get healed – and in therapy, he may
come to realize that no healing is necessary, because he is already healed
(whole), and always has been. Even throughout all the traumatic
experiences of his life, there was something there that was already whole,
and was never damaged or even traumatized by those experiences.
Experiences may be traumatic, but nobody, ultimately, is traumatized.
What you are cannot be damaged, cannot be broken, cannot be
destroyed, cannot die. Again, therapy is a wonderful paradox.
Any therapy that does not recognize this will simply fuel the seeking, keep
the client dependent on the therapist, and make healing an ever-receding
goal.
Any therapist who does not recognize that a ‘therapist’ (in the sense of
‘one who can heal another’) is not who he really is, will simply keep the
client trapped in their dream of ‘client’ (as in, ‘one who is waiting for
healing, one who is broken’). But a therapist who recognizes that he is
not really a ‘therapist’, that is he is the open space in which ‘therapist’
arises, that he, as open space, is equal to that in which ‘client’ arises, that
he, as open space, is already healed, just as his ‘client’ is already healed
– this therapist is no longer hiding behind his role as therapist. He no
longer uses the roles of ‘therapist’ and ‘client’ as ways to defend himself
from true, authentic, intimate relationship. He is no longer afraid to
confront even the most ‘damaged self’, because he does not see this self
as ‘other’ to him. The therapist is really only talking to himself. He sees
his own 'damaged self' and loves it, and in that love, there is no
'damaged self', only stories about a past, feelings, appearing presently.
We meet in our mutual brokenness, and we call that love.
‘Therapist’ and ‘client’ fall away, to reveal total intimacy. This, I would
say, is what therapy is really about – going beyond the roles, the games,
the beliefs and ideologies that apparently separate us, and meeting, truly
meeting, in intimacy, in nakedness. The therapist strips off his ‘therapist’
clothes (metaphorically speaking) and stands naked in front of the client.
He does not pretend to ‘know’ how to help the client, for in this
nakedness, he is as vulnerable, as helpless, as open and as sensitive to
life as the client is. He meets the client in this not-knowing. Underneath
all the roles, the games, the pretend-play of ‘therapist’ and ‘client’, there
is only this not-knowing. A true therapist admits he does not know, and
meets the client there. He does not know, and the client does not know,
and there is the intimacy, right there. From that place of total intimacy,
he begins to explore. The exploration is then a dance within intimacy. It is
not the attempt to reach intimacy through exploration – for the very
exploration happens within the intimacy. The exploration is not coming
from a need to fix the client, to make them whole (and in that, to make
himself whole). It is not an exploration that is coming from seeking. It is
coming from fascination.
In fascination, we explore the nature of seeking together. In fascination,
we shine light upon the workings of the mind (thought). We look at ways
in which you (I) run away from certain experiences. How we run away
from feeling certain feelings. How we have become lost in the ‘shoulds’
and the ‘shouldn’ts’. How we’ve been seeking love when love is already
here. How we’ve been looking for intimacy when intimacy is already here.
How we’ve been clinging onto false images of ourselves, when in fact we
are simply the space in which all these images appear. Everything,
literally everything – the whole world – can appear in this intimacy, and
therapy is the space in which we can shine light on all of it. Literally all of
it. The world comes to meet us in therapy, and nothing is hidden.
Everything is allowed in this space. The space of therapy is the space that
we are. So in the end, therapy is not something that happens ‘in a room’,
sometimes, 'between' two or more people. It is not something that
happens when a therapist and a client get together and start talking
about human problems. No, therapy is what we already are. ‘Therapy’
means simply getting in touch with this simple truth. ‘Therapy’ means
getting back in touch with the therapy that is already present.
True therapy is there in the falling away of ‘therapist’ and ‘client’. Therapy
happens in the absence of the therapist. Any true therapist will admit this.
It looks like two people are making this discovery together, when in the
end, it’s the very idea of ‘two people’ that falls away in this discovery. In
this intimacy, who heals who? The therapist heals the client? Well, it
might be as true to say that the client heals the therapist. The client
destroys the therapist, in fascination, in love. It's total humility in the
presence of another human being. It's seeing - really seeing who and
what is in front of you. And being seen in return. Being exposed. Being,
exposed.
Yes, in true therapy, the client heals the therapist. They won’t teach you
that on your psychotherapy course. But when you discover who you really
are, it all makes perfect sense.
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