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APRIL 13,1997 29
could have been almost anyone at that vicar general of the Archdiocese of Washing- lems. "Everybody thought the priests were
point," Jim says. "I said that's someone I'd ton, remembers thinking, "These people re- talking to one another, and in actual fact, we
consider." Their respective heads set up the allytake their faith seriously.If everyone took weren't," says the Rev.Thomas Weinandy, a
first date: Jim would give Valeriea ride home their faith that seriously, what would the Capuchin priest who lived at Mother of God
from a prayer meeting. They were told what church be like?It wouldbe on fire." for 19years before leavingto teach at Oxford
route to follow,straight down Interstate 270. Members recall that the Difatos were University. "Because there was never a free
"You can't go the long way on the Beltway," careful to court important bishops and cardi- exchange of information, we, as priests,
they recall being told. nals. Mother of God sent representatives to never knew what each other was thinking."
On later dates, they say, they were told church events such as the installation of While some priests remained intensely
ahead of time where to go, what route to James Hickey as archbishop of Washington loyal throughout, others complained to the
take, what subjects they could discuss. Most in 1980.Hickey and his aides were invited to Difatos about particular practices at Mother
of these were double dates with married Mother of God occasionally for meals. At of God.Weinandy says he wrote such memos
couples where they had little opportunity to one point, Joseph Difato gave Hickey a pres- and that other priests did, too. But he says
talk one-on-one.After three months and per- entation about the community's business these questions or dissents were ignored or
haps 10 dates, they got permission to marry. plans. When Mother of God dedicated a new dismissed. So far as is known, no priest work-
Jim recalls going to a priest who was a mem- building on February 18, 1990, Hickey was ing at the Mother of God community ever
ber of the community, the Rev.Michael Dug- the first person to sign the guest book. He took his concerns to the archdiocese.
gan, to seek his blessing. Jim explained his walked through the rooms, blessing each "I certainly don't think anybody here per-
reasons for wanting to get married, without with holy water. 'ceived any kind of a major difficulty," says
saying much about his feelings for Valerie. Despite the appearance that all of this cre- Bishop Lori. "I think the general feeling was
Duggan interrupted him. "... And because ated, the truth of the matter was that the that it was something new,but firmly enough
you love her," the priest said. Mother of God community for most of its grounded in the sacramental life and teach-
The words brought Jim up short. That history had no formal relationship with the ing of the church that it was on a good track."
had never occurred to him. "I felt like I had Catholic Church-the community had not On the outside, at least, the Mother of God
been hit upside the head with a two-by-four," been recognized as a "private association of community was a happy, vibrant group about
he says. But he went ahead with the mar- the faithful," the church's stamp of approval which there was little cause for worry.
riage plans anyway. for lay groups. Mother of God's structures "We gave the Difatos legitimacy, and we
In retrospect, Valerie says she can see and operations had never been reviewed in gave everything that was going on at the
how Jim was pressured into accepting her. depth by the church. Indeed, some mem- community legitimacy," Weinandy says.
"He was manipulated into this," she says in a bers of Mother of God were not even "That's the greatest evil the priests per-
tired voice, looking across the living room at Catholic-a large majority were, but there formed in the community."
her now-estranged husband. "He was ripe were a handful of Protestants, too, and the
for the picking." Difatos emphasized the ecumenical nature MONEY MATTERS
It is impossible to know exactly how many of their community. Many churches and religious communities
marriages were arranged in this fashion, A few of the priests who came to live in ask their members to pool their funds to
since most of the people involved will not the Mother of God community belonged to achieve common goals, and some operate
speak publicly about them. Several former religious orders. The majority were diocesan businesses. So, too, did Mother of God. But
members estimated that there was heavy priests from parishes as far away as England it did so in ways that have left some ex-mem-
community involvement in at least 50 mar- and Australia. They had been swept up by bers feeling betrayed and abused.
riages, although the degree of control varied the charismatic renewal movement within Mother of God's flagship business was
from case to case. Some of these marriages the Catholic Church, had learned of the exis- Orange Systems, a computer company.Until
have worked out. (Arranged marriages are, tence of Mother of God and had lobbied- it ran into financial difficulty recently, it
after all, a common practice in many parts of sometimes over the objections of their im- brought in millions of dollars in revenue sell-
the world.) Even in the Mother of God mar- mediate church superiors-to be allowed to ing computer systems and services. The
riages that haven't worked, most couples are move to Gaithersburg. When they arrived, company was the brainchild of Joseph
reluctant to go public for fear of subjecting they required approval from the Archdio- Difato,who had spoken and written for years
their children to ridicule. But clearly some cese of Washington to offer Mass or hear of putting Christian principles to work in a
couples feel they have paid a price for Mother confession, but that was a routine matter; it business venture.
of God's marriage practices. In four instances did not involve any archdiocesan review of One day in 1980, Joseph Difato pulled
where couples say they were pressured into Mother of God. aside Ben Van Zutphen, the former head of a
marriage by Mother of God, the couples The priests went through the same initia- successful Canadian engineering firm who
brought a total of 16 children into the world. tion and training as other Mother of God had moved his family to Gaithersburg to join
Allof those marriages are now on the rocks. members, and were fitted into the same hier- Mother of God. Van Zutphen wasn't really
archy. They had their own heads and in turn looking for a new business venture, but he
THE CHURCH'S ROLE served as heads over other people. Like found Difato's enthusiasm infectious. As
Where was the Catholic Church during all other members, they were introduced to the Difato pitched the deal, Van Zutphen now
ofthis? full scope of the community's methods only says, they would start up a computer com-
In one sense, it was part of the fabric of gradually. pany and employ Mother of God members.
Mother of God. As many as half a dozen As they learned about the Difatos' prac- The startup funds would come from Van-Zut-
Catholic priests and a handful of nuns lived tices, some of the priests say they developed phen. Difato wanted a one-third ownership
there at a time. The priests offered daily doubts. But the fierce demand for loyaltyiso- share. But Difato did not put up any of his
Mass, heard confessions, taught classes and lated them just as it did other members. own cash, Van Zutphen says; instead, Van
took part in group discussions. In addition, Since members could not share negative Zutphen lent Difato the money, which he
Catholic bishops and cardinals made occa- feelings about the group for fear of os- eventually repaid.
sional,ceremonial visits to the community.As tracism, it was easy for a doubter to imagine Van Zutphen says he understood that
Mother of God grew, Bishop WilliamE. Lori, he or she was the only person having prob- legally, Difato was taking his share of Or-
APRIL 13,1997 31
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I
-I
Part One of this two-part series of articles described the growth over nearly three decades of the Mother of God religious community. The community
drew believers-mostly Catholics, including several priests and nuns-from around the country and from abroad, peaking at about 1,200 members.
Many settled in the town houses of Montgomery Village, a development off Interstate 270 near Gaithersburg. They were drawn by the group's extra-
ordinary warmth and by a vision of intense, committed Christian life. But dozens offormer members say the group turned out to be too intense. They say
the leaders, Edith Difato and her son Joseph, fit members into a hierarchy that slowly took control of their lives. They say they were pressured to disclose
intimate information to "heads" or "buddies" appointed by the community. Some say the control grew so rigid that they were told whom to date, what to
say and do on dates, whom to marry, how to have sex and what studies or careers to pursue. These former members say anybody who complained about
these practices was subjected to psychological pressure or forced out. Eventually dissident members began complaining to the Catholic Archdiocese of
Washington. To read Part One, see the Magazine of April 13, 1997, or visit The Post's World Wide Web site, www.washingtonpost.com.
APRIL 20,1997 29
Still other Difato loyali operation similar to Mother of God have
mystified by what has hap;; also fallen apart in recent years. Catholic dio-
of God. Many of them an -_~:::r. ':=e'a~ ceses in some of those places have called in
that the community was top anti-cult experts to help former members
solute lunacy!" says Steve -2.- =.ua•.• rebuild their lives. By contrast, the Washing-
has fond feelings for memb e:3-=: ,:Z.::J!::~ ton archdiocese has declined to apply the
family, particularly J osepc - word "cult" to Mother of God, and it has not
great man," Valentino sa~ -..> •.•. !-..--...c called in nationally recognized experts. In-
clear thinking" for the pro::-e:::::s <::::::t. stead, many former Mother of God members
beset the community, and -- have continued to rely on the volunteer work
gations of wrongdoing are of anti-cult counselor Quelet. She herself is a
mor and slander and go - committed Catholic, but she expresses disap-
of proportion." pointment that the former members in
The community's breaku; ;;Z;,~:iit;=:!; Gaithersburg are not getting more help.
lies. At least six familie - Along the quiet suburban streets of
are wrestling with grave - - Montgomery Village, many former mem-
over community membe - bers are struggling simply to put their lives
cause parents have left ,----.~ . back together. At midlife, they find them-
their adult children re selves going back to college, or divorcing
Difatos or their ideas. These __ ..::-~-,:;;.=-",-..o< their way out of arranged marriages, or
prompted the Rev. Michael I falling in love, or rebuilding derailed ca-
mer Mother of God pri reers, or straightening out chaotic finances.
group and moved back Some say that one of their biggest chal-
parish, to write an impas - lenges is to reclaim some privacy. Young
Edith Difato, in which he ~ •...: ;:=..:,~::3y people who grew up in Mother of God say
alienation was a prime ca ;...::r::ri;;...: they are discovering for the first time what
cults. "You and your sons b~:·z::~::;:...ax:e it means to have an interior life that no one
over these young people !ba: a;:p!I~~ knows about.
ceeds that of their paren Former members still living in Mont-
their pope and their ch - gomery Village cross paths often with the re-
wrote. "A word from you . maining Difato loyalists. Their exchanges
them back to their paren have on occasion devolved into shouting
rescue them from the d~·':-~" r'::l matches in the grocery store and arguments
present behavior in some wz:-ca;:;::=:::;;nD at the post office. Not everyone has stayed in
to the will of God." town, though. Some former members felt a
Duggan says Edith D-- need to get away and have moved to places
sponded to his letter. Fo such as Arizona, Colorado and Oregon.
God members say she still Several of the Difatos have also moved.
with loyal followers in Gaitbe~==6 All three of the Difato brothers have set up
homes near the beach in St. Augustine, Fla.
THE PEOPLE OF MO Two of the homes sit at the edge of golf
were drawn together by a sm!:"""c:! k:~:rg courses, and on a recent weekend, Mer-
a sense of community, a spn -••....•••.•
,,~~ cedes-Benz automobiles were parked in
the ravages of modern life, -- front of all three houses. Joseph Difato has
watched their vision collapse, -~,~ established a new nonprofit corporation in
have had to grapple with --- Florida called Together in Christ Inc.
thought that there may be IlU :::Qo..._~o:ou:; On Goshen Road outside Gaithersburg, a
On a rainy night, under shell of the Mother of God community still
street lamp in a parking lot ;,.-..--- ,__ m meets on Sunday nights. Operating under
Joseph Kilner struggles to the supervision of the Catholic Church, the
into words. "This wouldn't remaining adherents say they are resolved
something wonderful hadnr beecvn to do away with the practices that caused so
he says. "People thought ~ much damage.
place where you could be part Among the hundreds who have departed
nity, love each other, help each _serve Mother of God altogether, some find them-
God. The reason people are . -'- " g 0 selves wrestling with the most basic ques-
much now is that utopia was - tions of religious faith.
Some dissident members found - bard at "I still believe in God," Roger Cavanaugh
first to acknowledge they had been abused says. "But I will never again believe what
and deceived. But by now, they hare moved men say about God.".
on to seek a deeper knowledge 0 the psy--
chology and operation of cults. To their dis- Justin Gillis is a staff writer for The Post's
appointment, they have had to pursue this Metro section. Staff researcher Margot
study without much assistance from e Williams contributed to this article, as did
Archdiocese of Washington. In other special correspondentBrian L. Thompson in
of the country, "covenant communities - - St. Augustine, Fla.