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H OW D O W E R E M E M B E R F R E U D ?
Last Night, Freud ended his long theoretician?
and prolific life peacefully as he
In my opinion, he is both yet
died at the respectable age of 83.
neither of the two sides. While
But this week’s column isn’t
he was the father of both the When in Doubt, it’s
about how Freud died, but rather,
modern theory of the probably Phallic
how we should remember Freud.
http://scattergather.razorfish.com/
unconscious as well as
Do we remember him as a great
psychoanalysis as a whole,
Column written by Professor innovator of psychology and the
David. L Brooks. inventor of the unconscious or
overly ambitious, pedantic Commentary Continues on Page 2
Top 10 Reasons Why You’re
Actually Sexually Confused
HOW DO WE … (Cont. from 1 )
Top Ten Reasons Why You’re Actually Sexually Confused
… and we should fully commend him for these fine
achievements, we have to put his accomplishments into
10. Your mother didn’t love you enough perspective. His theory of erogenous zone development
9. Your id and your ego are sexually attracted to each other (oral, anal, phallic, genital) is at best speculation. It fails to
8. Your super-ego disapproves account for uncommon family structures, such as children
7. Your mother loved you TOO MUCH without a father, mother, or even both. While his id, ego,
6. Society’s phallic insertion of finger into ring has made your superego of the mind is beautiful in its simplicity, we have
super-ego deathly afraid of sex before marriage. to remember his obsession with everything sexual and
5. “Mary had a Little Lamb” has given you the impression that how that limited the true scope of his work (“Freud”,
Encyclopediä)
you can control society’s sheep with your “Sheppard’s
staff” 50 years from now, he will still be regarded as one of the
4. Baseball’s repeated contact between ball and bat has made most influential psychological scholars to ever exist, but
you homophobic. hopefully, we as a society will begin to take some of his
3. The reason you can’t eat ice cream is because your mother lesser theories with a grain of salt by then. Only by actu-
weaned you much too late. ally discriminating between his scientifically developed
2. Your lack of a penis has made you hate your parents for theories versus his whims of his mind will we truly be able
taking it away from you to understand his deserved impact on the world.
1. Society’s idea of getting 100 percent in school has made you
believe a two round circles and a single long line is the
only way to succeed in life.
Tip: When confronting your Oedipal issues, try to realize your dad went through the same thing.
Jim Frued has formally met Dr. Freud and has studied at Pathway Township HS for 3 years. He holds an informal B.A. in psychotolology as well as telecommunications.