Did I Say That?

What is Your Body

Language Saying?
Did I Say That?

What is Your Body

Language Saying?

By Sharon Skaling
 Did I Say That? into what we say because we think that is the key
to getting what we want in business, and in life.
What is Your Body Language Saying? From tone of voice and facial expressions to

It happens all the time. You start a business or body language and other distractions not within

sales conversation with someone; you think that our control, there are many nonverbal factors

they understand you, and you understand them, that determine how others will interpret what we

and that you have the beginnings of a mutually say, and vice versa. Little wonder that we

beneficial professional or client relationship. frequently ask ourselves: ‘Did I say that?’

Later, in developing that relationship, you The most effective communicators and the most

discover a problem. You find that the message successful business people understand and

you wanted to communicate was not the use both body language and image techniques

message received, or you have misunderstood to create compelling messages and

the other person's intent, and what seemed like presentations. Through this booklet, you will

a great opportunity is suddenly lost, or in discover and learn how to harness these proven

jeopardy. Trying to make sense of what went techniques so you can communicate more

wrong with your message, you find yourself effectively, better understand what others are

asking: “Did I say that?” saying, enhance your ability to achieve your
goals, and enjoy more rewarding, long-term
Usually, when we ask ourselves this question,
professional and personal relationships.
we focus mainly on what we said, never realizing
that communication is a more complex process
that goes beyond mere words. In fact, over 90%
of what we communicate is interpreted
nonverbally by how we say it, and how we look
when we say it. Yet we are likely to put more effort

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 What is this thing called
communication?
Essentially, communication is an exchange of
information written, verbal or behavioural
between individuals. It is:
8·A process; it cannot be reversed or repeated
exactly.
8·A system; a message is sent via a channel
(e.g., verbal, written) to another person.
8·An interaction; any person involved in
communication undergoes some form of
change.
8·Transactional; we share ourselves with one
another.
8 Functional: it produces change.
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Understanding the
communication cycle
The communication cycle appears relatively
simple: you, as the source, prepare a message
either verbal or written which you transmit to
someone else a receiver. The receiver then
decodes your message, determines its
meaning, prepares a response, and transmits it
back to you. This process can take milliseconds,
or days, depending on how you communicate. It
seems like such a simple process, so why does
communication often go wrong?
The truth is that communication isn't quite so
simple. Research by experts such as
Dr. Mehrabian at UCLA shows that any
presentation you make has three key
components: visual (your body language, facial
expressions, physical characteristics, even
clothing and grooming), vocal (the sound,
volume and clarity of your voice) and verbal (the
actual content of your message). Of the three,
visual has the greatest impact in communicating
successfully, accounting for 55% of your
presentation. Voice accounts for 38%, and
verbal just 7%. It has been suggested by some
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interpreters of this research that 90% of your
total visual presentation depends on clothing
and grooming. While I am unable to find other
research to support this interpretation, it is
certain that the clothing you choose can affect
your body language —- even modify or
camouflage physical characteristics, making a
highly professional wardrobe essential.
So your wardrobe, along with grooming, body
language and tone of voice, will either enhance
or compromise the verbal portion of your
presentation, the essence of your message.
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“With the what apparently having so little impact,
it is often assumed that the information we are
conveying is not important in our overall ability to
influence individuals and audiences. In reality,
however, who we are and how we deliver our
information is really only important so people will
listen to us, understand what we are saying, and
act on it.” ~ Suzanne Stevens (Content is King,
Speaking of Impact, Summer 2005)
Simply put, style will get you in the door, and
your substance will keep you there. Enhance
your style, and you will enhance your substance.
How can you ensure effective
communication?
Often, what you don't say is more influential than
what you do say. The nonverbal signals that you
send can suggest, accurately or inaccurately,
your attitude, understanding and empathy even
your ethics. Within seconds of meeting
someone, that person is judging you based on
what he or she sees and feels. It's these silent
messages that will determine your ability to
make a strong first impression. Learn to identify
and interpret these nonverbal language cues,
and how you can use them to send a complete
message that is consistent in words, gestures
and meaning.
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Did you know: In the business world, where
companies will judge you against other equally
qualified candidates, appropriate body
language can give you the edge you need to get
the career you want?
Positive Body Language
Body language is extremely important in any
face-to-face communication. In fact, it may be
as important as what you say. Used correctly,
body language can reinforce and enhance the
impact of your message.
“Our body language is an important aspect of
running a successful business as we cannot
always say what we really feel. This means we
have to act positive in negative situations (and
vice-versa of course). You can also identify other
people's body language and know what they
really mean: whatever they may be saying.”
~Bizhelp24.com
Like all nonverbal communication, your body
language helps to shape the overall image that
others have of you. It should be a carefully
planned component of your personal
presentation, just like your hairstyle and your
professional wardrobe. Your clients, customers,
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employers, colleagues and acquaintances will
determine your honesty, integrity and
professionalism based on subtle messages they
observe in your body language, and that can
influence whether they start or continue a
business relationship with you.
Here are some typical interpretations of
common body language cues:
Openness and Warmth: open-lipped smiling;
open hands with palms visible; unbuttoning coat
upon being seated.
Confidence: leaning forward in chair; chin up;
putting tips of fingers of one hand against the
tips of fingers of other hand in “praying” or
“steepling” position; hands joined behind back
when standing.
Nervousness: smoking; whistling; pinching
skin; fidgeting; jiggling pocket contents; running
tongue along front of teeth; clearing throat;
running fingers through hair; wringing hands;
biting pens or other objects; twiddling thumbs;
biting fingernails (or evidence of); tongue
clicking.
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Untrustworthy / Defensive: frowning; squinting
eyes; tight-lipped grin; arms crossed in front of
chest; pulling away; chin down; touching nose
or face; darting eyes; looking down when
speaking; clenched hands; gestures with fist;
pointing with fingers; chopping one hand into
the open palm of the other; rubbing back of
neck.
Now, let's look at the individual elements of body
language so you can ensure your nonverbal
cues are always consistent with your verbal
message.
About face
Let's face it: Your face is the key to your identity,
and your facial expressions are the most honest
indicators of what you really feel. These
expressions are also hard to control, or conceal,
so let's begin our look at body language and its
impact on our ability to communicate with others
by exploring facial expressions.
Given that people believe what they see more
than what they hear, your expressions may
betray the message you want to convey. Using
a mirror, or other methods, study your facial
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expressions, discretely if you are in a
conversation. As you become more familiar
with your expressions, you can learn to control
them so they are consistent with the message
you want to communicate.
Did you know: Paul Ekman, professor of
psychology at the University of California
Medical School, has conducted considerable
research on expression, the physiology of
emotion and interpersonal deception? He has
identified over 10,000 possible combinations of
facial expressions. Fortunately, only 3,000 of
them mean something to the average person!
When you're smiling
Of the thousands of facial expressions you use
in everyday communication, your smile is the
most important one when it comes to making a
good impression. Everybody looks better when
they smile. A warm smile also puts people at
ease, while communicating confidence and
trustworthiness. Keep yours unforced and
confident.
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Did you know: Even the slightest smile can help
you make a favourable impression? Look at the
most popular models. They are professionals
when it comes to managing their smiles,
creating an accommodating and attractive look
that engages consumers, a technique valued by
both their clients and their fans.
While a natural smile may be your strongest
asset, your mouth can also convey weakness.
Downward turns or flat lines send negative
signals. Touching your mouth frequently, faking
a cough when faced with a difficult question, or
gnawing on your lip absentmindedly all suggest
weakness or lack of confidence.
Tight smiles and tension in your facial muscles
indicate you cannot handle stress. Pursed lips
imply that you are secretive, even dishonest.
And frowns, sideways looks, or peering over
your glasses signify haughtiness and
arrogance.
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The eyes have it
When talking to a new or long-time business
colleague, maintain direct eye contact with
smiling eyes and relaxed brow to show that you
are interested and comfortable. Limited or no
eye contact indicates a lack of interest,
discomfort, or distraction. Rolling eyes break
eye contact and suggest disinterest, disbelief, or
exasperation. Tension in your brow implies
confusion, stress, or fear. Appropriate Personal
Space is equally important for maintaining eye
contact in a business conversation.
For networking or standing business
conversations, the ideal space is approximately
½ to 1 metre, or arm's length, while ½ to 2 metres
is recommended for a seated conversation.
Other quick cues to remember:
Raised Eyebrows = Exasperation
Lowered Eyebrows = Anger
Askew Eyebrows = Skepticism
Concave Eyebrows = Sad
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 A heads up
Most of us, while listening to someone speak,
tend to nod our heads, either in agreement or to
convey that we are interested in what he or she
has to say. Be careful to avoid rapid nodding,
which suggests that you are impatient and too
eager to add something to the conversation.
Slower nodding implies interest, validates the
speaker's comments, and subtly encourages
him or her to continue. Tilting your head slightly,
combined with eye contact and a natural smile,
also conveys interest, even friendliness and
approachability.
Upper body strength
Creating a strong first impression starts with a
confident handshake. Use one hand and always
shake vertically three times. Be sure to put your
hand all the way into the other person's hand so
your thumbs touch; do not give a wimpy
fingertip handshake. And always smile and
make eye contact when you are shaking hands.
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Speaking of hands, professionals like to see the
hands of potential business partners, so keep
yours well groomed, and, after the handshake,
in front of your body, with arms crossed at hip
level. Avoid fidgeting with objects (e.g., pens,
paper, your hair), pen tapping, or drumming of
fingers, all of which can suggest impatience or
annoyance.
Your upper body posture is also important in
making a positive impression in any
conversation or presentation. A closed-off
posture tells others that you are close-minded,
while an open posture symbolizes an
enthusiastic attitude. Finally, mirroring or
imitating the actions of the person you are
conversing with indicates that you like and
respect them, and wish to be friendly. Be careful
not to mirror negative nonverbal behavior.
Remember:
Closed-off Posture
Shoulders hunched forward = lacking interest
or feeling inferior
Rigid Body Posture = anxious, uptight
Crossed arms (chest level) = can be just cold
or protecting the body
Tapping fingers = agitated, anxious, bored
Fidgeting with hands or objects = bored, or
has something to say
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Open Posture
Leaning forward = interested
Fingers interlocked, placed behind head
leaving elbows open and armpits exposed =
very open to ideas, comfortable
Getting a leg up
Whether you are sitting or standing, a fidgety leg
signifies anxiety or impatience.
Crossed legs, while sitting, do not necessarily
mean anything, but when combined with
bouncing legs, crossed arms, or slumped torso,
they suggest a closed-off posture.
Smooth moves, smart stances
Good overall posture and movement convey
assurance, professionalism, and credibility.
For example, standing straight and tall is a sure-
fire indicator of self-confidence and self-
awareness. If you have a habit of slumping or
hunching your back, you can unlearn that
behaviour through practice, and by building
your self-esteem.
Remember that your posture can make a
positive or negative impression when you are
offered a business or career opportunity. For
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example, standing tall with strong shoulders,
head up, arms out by your sides and closed fists
says that you are ready for any challenge that
comes your way. If you stand with your
shoulders hanging, arms folded, and leaning to
one side, people will assume you aren't ready for
or interested in the task in question.
Quick tips on movements, posture and stance,
and how they are interpreted:
Playing with hair = sensual
Hands unlocked = open and comfortable
Crossed arms (at chest level) = closed,
uncomfortable, disagreement
Arms holding self = vulnerable, protective
Hands on hips = waiting, angry
Pacing = restless
Rocking = looking for security
Controlled movements = in control
Head set forward = feeling of inadequacy
Shoulders forward = feeling heavy
responsibility (carrying a heavy load)
Rounded back = unsupported
Slouching = lack of interest or enthusiasm
Weight on one leg = various meanings; if
speaking, it may conflict with your message
Toes pointing in = introvert
Toes pointing out = extrovert
Leaning = if speaking, it may mean a lack of
confidence
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“The key is that a nonverbal signal is not a
complete message. Watch for a pattern of
signals that all have the same meaning. The
body language should match the verbal
expressions and the context of the situation.” ~
Robert C. Brenner, Body Language in Business.
Now that you know how people interpret
common body postures and gestures, you can
polish yours to make sure that they are
consistent with the message you want to send,
and its intention. You can also recognize similar
nonverbal signals in others that signify a
potential breakdown in communication, or lack
of agreement. Watch your colleagues carefully
for changes in body language that may indicate
a shift in understanding or perception. After all,
a good communicator 'listens' at all levels,
noting nonverbal cues as well as the words that
are said.
Did you know: Human beings aren't the only
animals that use body language to display their
true feelings? Rabbits will hop or dance to show
pure joy and happiness. Maybe that's where the
popular Bunny Hop dance started!
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Was it something I said?
“The sound should be an echo to the sense.” -
Alexander Pope, poet
The sound of the words you use can enhance
the meaning of your message, so it is beneficial
to know how tone of voice and emphasis impact
your ability to communicate effectively. Even in
written communication (email), we often use
graphics and symbols to indicate the tone
behind our words. The old saying, ‘say what you
mean and mean what you say,’ holds true, not
only in our choice of words but also in the tone of
our words.
What you say
Miscommunication often occurs when the
words you use are ill suited to your message or
audience. Consider the following tips when
preparing your content:
Be Gender-Neutral: Avoid using terms that
eliminate members of one sex or are gender-
specific nouns (i.e., waitress, fireman).
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Be Non-Judgmental: Avoid using words that
judge people or use a negative perspective
(e.g., cheap, expensive, ugly).
Respect your Audience: consider the listener's
education, social position and sensitivity to your
topic. Choosing words and a style that
demonstrate respect will aid in the
communication process, as well as your
business relationship.
How you say it
Remember, in any verbal presentation, how you
say it, your voice, is just as important as what
you say. The three things to remember are:
Pitch: This is the relative vibration frequency of
the human voice that contributes to the total
meaning of speech. Lowering your pitch gives
you a more powerful sound. Vary your pitch for
maximum impact; a flat monotone will
compromise your presentation.
Volume: The volume of your voice should be
adjusted based on situation. A moderate volume
is appropriate most of the time, and exudes
confidence. While commanding attention, a
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loud volume can be seen as insensitive or
dictatorial. You may appear uncertain or weak
using too soft a volume.
Rate: Speak at a moderate rate to demonstrate
confidence. A quick rate can create a sense of
urgency, and should only be used in pressing
situations. A slower rate may sound thoughtful,
but it can come across as 'slow minded'.
It's out of your control
From static on a telephone line to internet and
regular mail disruptions, there are distractions or
barriers to communication that are out of your
control. These issues make it more important to
polish your nonverbal communication skills to
ensure your message is heard as you intended
it.
Say it with ‘Style’
Body language, facial gestures, and how you
say what you say are all crucial elements in how
you communicate. Business attire and
grooming are also important. They should
consistently complement the goods or services
you sell, your words, and your communication
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style for your pitch to connect with your
audience - the first time, and every time. With
over 90% of communication based on visual
elements and vocal tone, it is little wonder that
communication breakdowns occur when you
only focus on your verbal message.
By combining these techniques with the tips on
building and managing a professional wardrobe
found in my booklet, "I Have Nothing to Wear:
How to Make $ and Sense From Your Business
Wardrobe," you have the tools you need to
communicate more effectively. And by
maintaining a total image that is consistent with
your message — from body language to
wardrobe — you won't find yourself asking, ‘Did I
say that?’ Instead, you'll have the confidence of
knowing you are communicating a complete
and consistent message that effectively
achieves your goals.
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Your Premier Image
Management Resource
Change the way you see yourself…and you'll
change the way the world sees you. Tools and
resources from Panoply 3D Image Consulting
that aid in the transformation include:
Personal Image Consultations
Customized Presentations for workplaces and
associations
Keynotes for conventions and conferences
Dress Code Development and Implementation
Contact:
Sharon@panoply3d.com
1.902.431.0861
Panoply 3D Image Consulting
www.panoply3d.com
Text copyright © 2005

All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be

reproduced in any form without prior permission, except for
brief quotations for media reviews.

Canadian Cataloguing in Publication Data

Skaling, Sharon, September 2005

Did I Say That? What is Your Body Language Saying?

ISBN 0-9737323-1-8