On the Orthodox Christian Moral Upbringing

of Pre-School Age Children

Prof I.M. Andreev

Without me, ye can do nothing (John 15:5).

First of all we consider it necessary to declare directly and distinctly our deep and
steadfast conviction that only the canonically true Orthodox Church—possessing the full
grace of the Holy Spirit with its holy Mysteries, holy dogmas, patristic literature,
extensive teaching on Christian morality in moral theology—can give an unshakable
foundation for building an integrated and effective pedagogical system for the moral
upbringing of children.

In the hierarchy of values, the highest, top place undoubtedly is occupied by religion. The
most perfect religion is Christianity. Christianity is unthinkable without the Church. The
one, true, holy, catholic, and apostolic church is the Orthodox Church.

The divine founder of Christianity is the God-man Christ. He could never err, nor say an
untruth. Each one of His words is Truth, completely and absolutely revealed Truth. The
True Church is commissioned to guard over and preserve this truth from distortion and
incorrect interpretation. The millenia of catholic religious experience of the saints,
formulated in agreement with the teaching of the holy fathers and teachers of the Church
is the highest and undisputed authority. The agreed opinion of the Orthodox Church,
based on the millenia of catholic reason of the saints, cannot be mistaken.

Systems of ethics (i.e., teaching on morality) can be of three types: 1) so-called

autonomous ethics (e.g., the self-defined law of Kant), 2) heterocentric ethics (e.g.,
founded on some other sciences such as biology, sociology, etc.), and finally, 3)
theocentric ethics, i.e., founded on religion. Only the latter system can have a serious
basis. Christian ethics, i.e., ethics built upon the most perfect religion of Christ, can be
grounded irrefutably. Such Orthodox Christian moral teaching is the basis of all our
further discussions and directions.

Orthodox Christian teaching on the religious-moral upbringing of children represents an

ideal integrated patristic pedagogical system which practically in life, of course, is not
fully realizable. But the ideal must be unattainable. Only then will it be an unchanging
ideal constantly showing the degree of deviation during the practical striving for its
realization.

In the present article, we consciously avoided our own thinking and set forth the
thoughts, drawn from patristic literature and high spiritual authorities of the 19th and 20th
centuries, such as the Optina elders, bishops Theophan the Recluse and lgnatii
Brianchaninov, the ever-memorable Fr. John of Kronstadt [all now canonized—Tr.], and
also well-known theologians, professors of moral theology, missionaries, and preachers,
such as, for example, the professor from the Kazan Academy V.I. Nesmelov, the
professor from St. Petersburg Academy, protopresbyter Fr. I.L. Yanyshev, the professor
from the Moscow Academy, M.M. Tareyev, the professor from the St. Petersburg
Academy, A.A. Bronzov, professor archpriest I.I. Bazarov, and others. Our work in such
a manner may be likened to collected honey in the beautiful orchards of Russian moral
theology. We allowed ourselves only the systematic acquisition of material and adding to
it an integrated and purposeful character, relying on the strictly scientifically established
data of children's psychology, pedagogical psychology, experimental pedagogy, and
children's psychiatry.

Why did we limit ourselves to the question of the moral upbringing of children only of
pre-school age? Because we consider namely this period of the life of a person the most
important and fundamental in the matter of child-raising. Pedagogical psychology teaches
us that in the first three years of one's life, a baby gets a third of all the concept of life of
an adult person. The well-known Austrian scientist, a great specialist in pedagogical
psychology Charlotte Bueller in her investigation "Human Life as a Psychological
Problem" (1933) maintains that in the first seven years, the canvas for all a person's life is
established. In other words, in the course of one's life am adult only broadens and
deepens what was formed in his soul in the first seven years. There is much truth in this
assertion. The basic traits of personality and character of a person as well as the basis of
his sense of the world are placed, actually, in the period of his life before the age of youth
(approximately to age seven). [Tr.—The author here and elsewhere uses otrochestvo,
rendered here and elsewhere as “youth,” as is commonly understood in the Church and
not according to the modern cultural understanding. Otrochestvo in the understanding of
the Church begins at the age when a child begins to be morally responsible for his
actions, that is, able to understand the difference between right and wrong and choose
between them. At such an age a child begins to go to confession. The medical
understanding of this term is different, corresponding to the person's sexual maturity.]

The first thing, the main thing, that is necessary to understand and accept for each person
raising children is a basic position of Christian pedagogy: true morality is impossible
without a

religious basis. Beyond that, true morality is impossible without the help of the Church.
Without the help of the holy Mysteries of the Church, it is impossible to give a sound,
true moral upbringing to the child. Without the help of the Church, true moral adult life is
also impossible.

Strictly speaking, the foundation of the religious-moral upbringing of a child is laid even
before his birth. But how rarely do young people entering into marriage think of the
tremendous personal responsibility for the life of the future newborn child. Matrimony is
a great Mystery of the Church! Immediately before this Mystery the Church demands that
two other Mysteries be

accomplished by both marital parties: Repentance and Communion. Along with this, it is
demanded that both marital parties had previously Baptism and Chrismation. The grace
of all these Mysteries (Baptism, Chrismation, Repentance, Communion, and Matrimony)
which nurtured the souls and bodies of the parents cannot but touch the soul and body of
the conceived and expected future child. But the grace-bestowing Mysteries exist only in
the bosom of the grace-bestowing, that is, the true, canonically correct Church, and if one
of the parents does not belong to it, then it cannot but reflect detrimentally on the children
also. Do those marrying think of this? The blessing for marriage by the parents of those
being married is necessary as well for the future child. The degree of purity of the souls
and bodies of those who have entered marriage possesses tremendous significance
(heredity) and without fail is reflected on the future descendants. The spiritual and bodily
condition of the woman has special significance for the basis of the religious-moral
upbringing of the future child during the time of pregnancy before birth, and at the time
of breast-feeding the newborn. This is especially because before birth, the fetus consists
of a single whole, one organism with the mother, and at the time of breast-feeding, the
baby receives maternal milk, the product of her living body-soul organism. The soul is
mysteriously connected with the whole body, and the milk of the pregnant mother is part
of not only her body but also her soul. In recent times, the overwhelming majority of
newborn children are nurtured on artificial formula and not the milk of the mother. This
also cannot but be said to be detrimental to the infant.

Recall that the word "upbringing" itself [vospitaniye] contains the meaning of feeding
[having the same root as pitat' (to feed/nourish), pischa (food)–Tr.]. Feeding is necessary
for both the body and the soul. There is nothing more pernicious for the beginning of
religious-moral upbringing as the very widespread opinion, prejudice rather, that the
newborn baby needs only care for his body.

Christianity maintains that the mission of a person is not limited to earthly life alone but
extends to eternity. Therefore the raising of a child must go in conformity with this dual
mission of man. The teaching of Christ is the only way which leads a person on earth and
to heaven. "I am the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6).

The spiritual life of the newborn infant develops at first without his personal cooperation,
thus it is possible to conclude that man is subject to a law of development. But this
necessity does not prevent him from having a free nature; on the contrary, this only
proves to us that man by the intention of his Creator is a necessarily free being, for the
first beginning of spiritual development of the child is none other than the development
of the capacity to be free. Furthermore, it is impossible to propose that the Creator,
having placed a well-known goal for His creation (free striving for eternal blessedness),
would not have given him the means to accomplish this goal. Indeed, observing the
natural development of a person from the moment of his birth, we cannot but notice that
everything in him is predisposed to the accomplishment of the above-indicated final goal
of his being. The capability for the development of consciousness is itself a preparation
toward this end. The clearly moral character of his awakening instincts represents an
indubitable sign of his pre-eminence over everybody and everything on earth. The very
body of his organism is created such that it is impossible not to see a holy earthly temple
in which the Holy Spirit is appointed to dwell.
"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is
holy, which temple are ye" (I Cor. 3:16-17). How terrible do these words of the apostle
Paul sound! From this the punishment "on he who tempts one of these little ones" is
understandable: drowning in the sea with a boulder on his neck (see Mark 9:42–Tr.).

Starting from unclear sensations of feeling, the consciousness of a child imperceptibly is

transformed into reason, allowing him in later life to slowly and gradually arise to a
feeling of loftiness and beauty, to a contemplation of the eternal and holy. The awakening
mind of the child is originally pure, natural, syncretical, integral, unaffectedly joyful, and
similar to a just-opening bud of an excellent flower. His conscience is angelically pure
and youthfully innocent. However, self-consciousness is not yet clear.

Having been born, the child enters the world. Into the sinful world. Here begins the
murderous activity of this world on the young soul of the infant yet blameless, but
conceived in sins. All that is best, holy, and pure at birth begins to be destroyed under the
clash between him and the world. The reason for this is ancestral sin. This is why only
so-called natural development of man, with all the means placed in him from God, does
not attain its assignment. A person himself is unable, not only to attain the goal assigned
to him by God, but even find the beginning of the way leading to this end. Without the
help of the Savior and Deliver Himself, Christ, the salvation of the soul is impossible.
Guidance to this salvation is entrusted to the Church of Christ. True moral upbringing of
a child (i.e., feeding his soul and body) is possible only in the fold of this Church.

Upbringing precedes educational formation. If education can begin only with the
development of the natural capabilities of a person, then upbringing begins with his very
appearance into the world. Upbringing makes a foundation on which all the subsequent
capabilities of a person are made. The education of a child without his prior upbringing is
an attempt to build a house on sand. The upbringing of a child is that cornerstone on
which we can begin to build the temple of his life. One has to raise a person in such a
way which leads him on the path through earthly life to eternal, heavenly life.

The heart of a person is the source of his feelings and actions. If the Savior Himself said,
“out of the heart proceed evil thoughts” (Matt. 15:19), then it is evident that without
raising the heart of a person, one cannot get by. The heart is the root of the whole moral
life of a person. Therefore, to give a good direction to the heart is the first and main task
of upbringing. Completely imperceptibly, in the soul of the infant, originally holistic and
syncretic, the process of differentiation of psychological faculties begins; the activity of
the mind, feeling, and will begins. The awakening mind which is subsequently
encouraged by the sinful nature of man, begins to strive on the one hand for
emancipation, and on the other to tyrannically influence the will. The synchronistic
harmony of mind, heart, and will begins to be destroyed. The sinful world begins to harm
the soul of the infant. Then, while continuing to raise the heart, it is necessary to begin to
act on the mind, i.e., the conscious faculties of the infant.

The divine teaching of Christ possesses such a miraculous property, that it exceptionally
early begins to be accessible to infant minds, being at the same time inexhaustible to the
deepest thinkers. If inanimate nature: sunlight, air, moisture, and earth give life to plants,
then why cannot the Spirit of the Word of God give life to the soul of the infant?
Christianity, according to the opinion of the holy Fathers of the Church, can be absorbed
even more in childhood than adulthood. This is explained by everything in Christianity
being exceptionally close to human nature, and in children this nature is purer and less
damaged than in adults. Therefore, Christ also said, “Except ye be converted, and become
as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:3).

Christian upbringing especially begins to appear in the soul of the newborn infant under
the holy Mysteries of Baptism and Chrismation, when the godparents in the baptized's
stead give to God the sworn promise of faithfulness to the basic elements of Christian
life: faith, hope, and love. The first moments of the life of the baptized infant are full of
the grace-endowed action of the Holy Spirit imprinted by the sacramental seal of holy
myrrh. Already after a short time, the unseen, received grace begins to be manifest in a
new animate temple. The awakening conscience of the infant, enlightened by the grace of
the "gifts of the Holy Spirit," is becoming capable to grow up and be perfected in the
above-indicated basic Christian elements of life: faith, hope, and love. The baptized,
innocent, newborn child in a care-free way delights in the existence he has received from
God. He lives placidly in the present, not knowing yet the nature of time with its past and
future. Some holy Fathers of the Church compared such a state with the state of eternal
rest, without sorrow for the past, without sighing for the future. Other spiritual writers
likened such a state to that of purest faith and complete trust, such as possible only for
pure, innocent infancy with its incapability for any kind of doubt. However, here the
experience of relating to the surrounding world starts teaching the baby to distinguish
inanimate from animate objects who surround him with love. Then in the baby's soul
appears a new growth of divine seed: the baby himself starts learning to love. The first
objects of his love, of course, are the surrounding closely-related persons. The first year
of life passes, and a new period of his development begins. Now he is on his feet; he
already knows how to express his first feelings of trust and love. He still continues to be
happy with the present, but this is not the bliss of the cradle. Then neither past nor future
existed for him. Now he begins to distinguish them. It is especially important that he
begin to understand and learn to expect the future. In connection with this in his
consciousness, besides the capability for faith and love, a new capability appears—hope.

The second year of his life must proceed under the sign of a slow deepening and
strengthening of the capability of perception of the basic elements of Christian life
indicated above. The third year of life is often characterized especially sharply by
distrust, joined with fear, in relation to foreign, unfamiliar, and new people. The child
feels at peace only tightly snuggling up to parents or closely-related persons whom he
loves and wholly entrusts all his soul. By age three the child has consciousness of his
own personality, and for the first time he consciously says of himself, "I" (and not "he"
when indicating himself). At the same time, calling himself "I," he still for some time
accompanies this by a gesture indicating himself.

At this time it is especially important to pay special attention to the cultivating of

obedience. The holy fathers emphasize that one has to "attain" and "win" obedience by
true, rational love. True love cannot but be reciprocal. When the child, in answer to the
tender caress of the mother for the first time thankfully, joyfully presses his cheek to the
cheek or breast of the mother, this signifies that the basis for cultivating obedience is
placed, that the latter begins to be "won" and "attained." Without obedience, upbringing
is impossible. Obedience is in fairness called "the beginning of upbringing."

The most difficult part is that obedience must be free and not compelled, must be based
on love and not fear before violence. At this tender age, fear is necessary, but of a certain
kind: fear of God, fear to lose the love of the beloved, fear to upset the beloved. The
loving mother, having managed to become beloved, must know how at the needed
moment to leave her child so that he, deprived for a little while of the mother's caress,
would reach for it more strongly. Without the help of the Holy Mysteries of the Church,
"to attain" obedience is impossible. The child must be communed more often, and the
mother herself needs to confess and commune more often. If the above-indicated basic
elements of faith, love, and hope of the child develop normally, then and only then on
their basis can the beginning of true obedience be conceived. To have in one's hands,
without violence, the will of the baby—this is the main thing in upbringing. But one must
know how to make use of this for moral upbringing. It is impossible to thrust moral rules
on the child while he is still not in the condition to understand them.

How in general does the will develop in a person? For the movement of the will there
must be incentives. Subsequently, for the government of the will of the child, it is
necessary to master his incentives or implant them in him. The most natural and strongest
incentives of the activity of a person flow out of the aforementioned three basic elements
of Christian life: faith, love, and hope. In order to begin to cultivate the will of the child,
parents or care-givers first of all must understand that this is impossible to realize without
a completely sincere and loving heart with a full and clear personal conviction in the truth
of one's intention. Without complete heart-felt trust in our instructions from the side of
the children, it is impossible to count on success. Simultaneously with instructions we
without fail must show a personal living example which can act not only on the will (by
the law of imitation), but also on the development of moral consciousness. If you start to
hammer some rules in the head of a child, not living them by example, then you will
fruitlessly force both his mind and his heart, which the former is not yet in a state to
understand the forms without content, and the latter cannot participate in that which does
not touch him.

Personal example possesses a decisive significance in the matter of upbringing. How is it

possible for the child to accept some instruction from you as a direction his activity if he
sees in your personal life an overt contradiction of it? Only those giving one's own
constant living example of doing good can govern the will of the child fully and
completely. Undoubtedly during the cultivating of the will of the child, one has to resort
to encouraging rewards as well as stimulating punishments. But here it is especially
important to remember that these means must be applied with deep care and
attentiveness, for excessive punishments as well as excessive rewards can bring great
irrevocable harm to the young soul. A general recipe here cannot be given, for nowhere
does the individuality of the child being raised play such a large role as under the
appointment of this or that type and degree of incentive or threat. Often mistakes in this
direction are a source of great suffering for the extent of the whole life of the child being
raised. Misuse of rewards, as well as erratic and cruel punishments, in an identical degree
easily can suppress for good the beginnings of trust and love for the irrational parents or
care-givers in the soul of the child. Spoiling and pampering to all desires and caprices of
the child lays the root of disobedience, self-will, egoism, laziness, hypocrisy, ingratitude,
disrespect and then contempt for those raising them, irritability, anger, spite, and hatred
of all strangers who are to try to counteract the unbridled self-will and self-centered
foolishness of the child. Such children subsequently often lose faith, come to
despondency and despair when they apprehend their unhappiness, and sometimes even
begin to murmur blasphemy at God. The ever-memorable Fr. John of Kronstadt said
about children's caprices, "Caprice is a bud of the heart's spoilage, rust of the heart, moth
of love, seed of spite, loathsome to God."

The true Christian must kiss the Hand of the Lord who is chastising him with humility.
Therefore Christian upbringing must get to where children accept punishment from the
hands of parents or care-givers with the feeling of their own guilt and with the
consciousness of the fairness of the anger and imposed punishments being levied, and
(most important) with fear to lose the love of the beloved and loving relatives. This
beneficial fear possesses tremendous religious-moral significance; on its basis later
develops true "fear of God," with fear of sin and fear of losing the grace of the Holy
Spirit, the acquisition of which, by the words of St. Seraphim, is the aim of the life of a
Christian.

The chief and most correct measure of which means of encouragement or punishment
primarily to be employed in relation to this or that child is the understanding of the
individual structure enfolding the moral consciousness of the one being brought up. For
the child who has the feeling of faith developing especially strongly, threats only are
enough; direct punishment may be unprofitable under conditions of sufficiently deep and
strong development of faith, as threats are already punishment. If the foundations of the
Christian virtue of hope (flowing out from a sufficient development of faith) are
particularly developed, moderate rewards and punishments can be exceptionally
effective. Where the child has a clear, deep, and strongly developed feeling of love,
expressed in a direct sympathy, attentive keenness toward his neighbor's mood, and in
tender grateful affection to them, one need not resort to either punishment or frequent
encouragements or rewards, for love is itself the reward. In such cases those raising the
children should only more often display their sincere active love toward all neighboring
people surrounding the child.

However, where punishment is accompanied by even a hint of vengeance, an irritated

heart, or nuance of spite, even fully justified from the side of the one raising the child,
this cannot but undermine the seeds of childhood faith in sincerity and love for those who
are punishing him. Even in youngest infant hearts, a special intuition is present
distinguishing violence by right of strength from compulsion by the duty of love. The
first hardens and the second humbles the rebellious elements of a developing soul. From
such humility sincere heart-felt obedience will grow up later.

When the child begins to stand on his feet, then the first manifestations of self-sufficiency
begin. Having felt his new powers and capabilities, he strives to take his first step from
us. How important that the first step not result in a fall! Otherwise the child for a long
time will not try to walk for himself. Who better than the birth mother can help him at
this time? Who else can teach him better to combine the first independent steps with faith
and hope at the help of love from without? Having stood her child a short distance away,
the mother beckons him to herself, in an outstretched embrace, and the child, drawn by
strength of love and trust, takes his first step. What a moving picture of faith helped by
love! "Whoever since childhood is so accustomed to hurry instinctively-lovingly to the
voice of the mother, in mature years quickly responds to the call of the Heavenly Father,"
rightly notes one of the spiritual authorities of the last century (archpriest I. Bazarov).

In the second year, the child begins to walk and talk. If his first steps signify an attempt
for bodily independence, then the first conscious words are a striving for moral
independence. From this moment a new, extremely important period of the child's life
begins; he must learn to talk from those around him. The gift of the word is a miraculous
and mysterious gift from God. The method of the development of this gift is the law of
imitation inlaid by God in the soul of the child.

Make haste, parents and care-givers who surround the newly talking child, to fill his soul
with pure, sensible words. If in the second half of the first year of his life, the child
principally was becoming acquainted with space, time, colors, forms, sounds,
movements, striking his outer feelings, then now all this begins to penetrate his soul.
"There is no thought without word and no word without thought" (Max Mueller).
Beginning to talk, the child begins also to think. He acquires a new, purely spiritual
requirement: to clothe in the form of words all his soul's experience, and to understand
words heard by the soul. The staggering novelty of this new experience incites in the
child the demand to give an account to the developing consciousness in all his
surroundings. With the small stock of word-concepts at his command, the child begins a
period of searching questions. "What's that? What's that for?" Should you answer all
these questions? He does not yet have the ability to house in his soul all of the even
simple answers. He does not have sufficient attention to concentrate on the answers. And
questions keep coming more and more. You should not refuse the questions. To stifle
questions is harmful. How should the care-giver act? First of all one needs to understand
that in this period only the forms of comprehension are developing in the child; they
cannot accommodate the corresponding contents before they are built. Throwing at us his
questions, he waits for the satisfaction of his curiosity, not so much by content as by
form. Explanations, clarifications, interpretations, demonstrations—he does not
understand them and does not need them. Loving, he trusts every word of the care-giver.
He is ready ahead of time to accept each answer as dogma. Therefore, for each question,
the care-giver must give the answer in a dogmatic tone, that is, an unfailingly confident
tone, although the essence of the answer be indistinct, evasive, or even representing a
direct denial to the question. Only do not deceive the child or discuss with him. The
requirement for discussion will come later, when the child becomes capable of discussing
and, through discussion, understanding, that is, when he begins distinctly although in an
elementary way to think discursively. The child's intuition goes ahead of discursive
logic. Premature discussion in the period of his intuitive-dogmatic thought will develop
in him the inclination to arguing and undermine faith in the true word of the person
whom he loves. Lies and deceit will poison the young soul by the poison of doubt and
will extinguish the spark of feeling of eternal truth.

The main concern of the one raising the child in this period has to consist in that the
children believe his word, which must never be corrupt in the mouths of Christian care-
givers. If in general, "every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account
thereof in the day of judgment" (Matt. 12:36), then an especially weighty responsibility
for such words falls on the one raising a child. Ideally, each word of ours, both addressed
directly to the child as well as said in his presence, must become for him a sacrosanct
law. But this is possible only on the condition that the word be sacrosanct for us
ourselves.

Play represents an exceptionally important manifestation of the development of the child.

Up to age three, children rarely learn to play together with other children; usually in this
period they play next to each other, that is, each to himself. After age three almost all
the child's life, both external and internal, is concentrated in play. Playing by oneself, the
child exercises his thought and imagination. Playing with other children, he brings out his
feeling, will, and again imagination. However, excessive development of the imagination
is fraught with very heavy consequences. Let us not forget that man's first sin was
conceived in the imagination. Therefore, experienced spiritual authorities recommend to
keep children in their games tied more often to reality. It is very important that the voice
of love of the parents or care-givers be not sentimental but deeply and sincerely lyrical,
and at the same time serious and sober, that threats be done with meekness and calm.
Only in such a way is it possible to attain the child's love with reverent filial awe and fear
of offending you by his disobedience.

Self-will is inherent to children from birth, but it requires being curbed without fail in its
very root. One can and must break him only in this way: the combination of love and
firmness. True rational love of the parents or care-givers in no case must allow itself
compromises before the irrational self-will. Here the most energetic measures are
recommended concerning the breaking of the wayward will and preservation of the holy
element of faith in the love of the father, mother, or care-giver. A single like experience
of firmness and unbending demand for obedience to the loving parent or care-giver is
often sufficient in order to tear out from the inexperienced soul of the child the seed of a
terrible sin with its root. Happy are those parents or care-givers when the child is torn
away from the most interesting game by the call to fulfill their order. To accomplish this
is extremely difficult, but highly necessary.

In games with others the same age, the child conceives the beginnings of social life. Here
there are unavoidable clashes of passions and characters. The character of the child
himself is worked out here. During play time, numerous comments and directives
concerning particular actions will be least of all useful. One should not inhibit the free
spontaneous behavior of the playing children. One should not forget about the various
reactions of children to remarks when alone and remarks in the presence of others. One
should not restrain each mistaken step of the child's socializing with other children, but
attentively following the proceedings, one should at certain moments appeal to general
ground rules of behavior, approving or rebuking not this or that act of one of the players,
but those moral motives which conditioned the actions. Not offending and not insulting
individual personalities, one should rebuke or approve types of behavior. Let each
individual child himself inwardly relate to this or that of the indicated types. This will be
more useful to him in regards to morals. In order to find the correct tone of direction to
children in group play, one has to know how to love not only one's own children but all
children in general, remembering the special love for children of the Savior Himself.

Useful to all raising children is to understand clearly the basic distinction between
upbringing and education. Upbringing relates to education as the heart relates to all
remaining capabilities of the soul. Although the tasks of upbringing and education are
tightly entwined, nevertheless upbringing will always be more important in the matter of
preparation for eternal life in heaven, whereas education is needed primarily in the matter
of making one capable for temporal life on earth. If you teach a child sincerely to respect
elders and be sincerely gracious and reserved with each of them, then the outer
expression of these feelings also will be his truly excellent manners. But there is nothing
more ruinous for the developing heart of the child as meeting a duplicitous person. An
excellent example of such an experience lived through by a deceived child can be found
in Chekhov's excellent story, "A Trifle From Life" (http://www.online-
literature.com/anton_chekhov/1184/).

If parents or care-givers in this period of development of the child feel powerless in the
battle against the indicated labors of moral upbringing, then they must quickly appeal to
the help of the Church. One or two conversations of a priest with the child by himself
(which is as though on the threshold of first confession) can bring much profit. But alas,
often the parents themselves need the help and advice of a priest who must summon them
to and teach them the fulfillment of reasonable parental duty, based on the "fear of God,"
which is "the beginning of all wisdom" (Wis. 1:7). In such critical moments of moral
upbringing, parents or care-givers are obligated to begin to reveal the future lot which
awaits the child in the near future on earth as well as ultimately beyond the bounds of
earthly life. The element of hope placed by God Himself, like a seed, into the soul of the
child, at this time can and must begin to bear its fruit. We recall how the exposure of his
fate as a Christian by his mother made a deep impression on the great Gogol when he was
still a young child. "Once you related to me, a child, so well, so touchingly, of those
blessings which await people for a life of good works, and so strikingly, so terribly
described, the eternal torments of sinners, that this shook and awakened in me all feeling.
This conceived and produced in me subsequently the highest thoughts."

With the development of the child's understanding and speech the period of his learning
begins. If his bodily development depended upon correct, timely, and sufficient food,
then mental development demands the same correct, timely, and sufficient instruction.
Remembering the dual calling of man—through temporal life on earth to eternal life in
heaven—it is also necessary from the very start to subject the instruction of the child to
the principle of this dual calling. Subsequently, learning must begin from that "one thing
needful" which by the words of Savior Himself is "choosing the good part," and which if
firmly rooted in the soul, will never be taken away from it. But when and how should
Christian instruction of the baby begin? "Every soul by nature is Christian" (Tertullian).
The Mysteries of Baptism, Chrismation, and Communion already put the seeds of faith,
hope, and love in the infant's soul. Christianity from beginning to end is all filled with
grace-bearing, incomprehensible, and efficacious Mysteries. Everything in the soul of the
Christian infant is already prepared for development. As long as the child himself is still
helpless to develop himself, the duty for assisting this development falls on the parents
and care-givers. Woe to him who does not fulfill this duty appointed by God. By the faith
of the godparents and parents, grace of rebirth comes down upon baptized child; by their
piety and faith the still incognizant infant receives also special gifts of God's good will:
spiritual moisture, spiritual warmth, and spiritual light for assisting the sprouting seeds of
the three greatest basic elements of good works: faith, hope, and love. In other words, the
embryonic beginning of teaching a child is the touch of grace brought down on him
according to our faith. From this it is clear that the reverent sign of the cross, which the
pious mother or care-giver touches him in bed at night and upon awakening, is the first
lesson of faith for the infant. If the power of the sign of the cross, as we know, possesses
its effect over inanimate nature, then all the more is it effective over the living soul of the
baby. The sign of the cross and prayer of the mother over the cradle are a kind of Divine
Service for him, and along with them the first direction in faith. If it is impossible to
comprehend that instant from which the religious development and instruction of the
child begins, then would it not be more useful to begin it as soon as possible? Does not
the guardian angel translate the reverent prayers of the mother to the language of the
infant's understanding? A notable experiment in this relationship was done with idiot
children. Well-known to all of Russia, "Aunt Katie" (Gracheva), dedicated to the
upbringing of profoundly retarded children all her life, witnessed that idiots incapable of
elementary acts of caring for themselves and articulate speech, displayed "the spark of
God," obvious glimmers of human consciousness when spoken to with compassionate
love and sincere faith about God. In order that the language of Christian faith, hope, and
love, the language of knowledge of God, godly respect, godly reverence, and honor of
God become the native language of the soul of the infant, one should talk to him in this
language from the very cradle. If the first babbling of the infant, his first "conversation"
with the mother will be sanctified by the name of Christ on the lips of the mother, if the
first movements of his little arms will be used for the signing of the cross, and if the first
conscious speech will be like at least a short prayer, then a solid stone foundation of
Christian religious instruction will undoubtedly be laid.

With the development of the baby's life concepts (that occurs simultaneously with the
development of speech), broad perspectives for diverse admonitions to him of faith are
opened before us.

Many parents are exceptionally afraid that the thoughts of death not appear to the child.
But this is a grave error. The child, having begun to speak, is capable very early to get an
understanding of death, and it is necessary to give to him this understanding, the sooner
the better. However, of course, this important understanding must be strictly Christian,
and it can be so only in connection with the understanding of the immortality of the soul
and the resurrection of the body. When we begin to speak with the small child about
death and merely mention the immortality of the soul and resurrection of the body, how
joyfully he grasps at this thought! With what trepidation, often not understandable to
even to adults, he looks at future life in heaven and begins to discuss the future lot of
himself and others! The hope for a blessed state after death and resurrection is more
accessible for him than for adults, thanks to the purity and spontaneity of his child-like
faith and love. Namely, after these lofty experiences, increased growth of child-like
inquisitiveness begins in relation to religious questions so characteristic of normal
children at the brink of youth. At this time, directions become presently necessary for the
child from the mouth of the pastor-priest. Parents cannot replace the latter. An especially
exalted authority is required here. No one except a server of the Church, possessing
ordained rank, can become such an authority. From infancy the child is accustomed to
seeing the priest in the temple of God, infused with the holiness of the divine services.
The outer appearance itself of the priest with his particular dress is often perceived by the
child as an animate icon. With what involuntary reverent fear and trembling respect the
child begins to listen to his new spiritual mentor whose authority he has from God for
teaching. The new understanding and the new word—spiritual father—has a deeply
meaningful sound in the child's consciousness. How important it is for the child from the
first words of the priest to understand that now he is spoken to about the most important
thing in life, of those subjects which will influence not only all his life on earth but also
eternal life in heaven.

When should the child begin to study the Law of God from the priest? It is impossible to
delineate an exact term. Much depends on the degree of individual development. But as a
general rule, such study ought to begin on the boundary of early childhood and youth,
immediately preceding first confession.

The first confession is the chief event in the life of the child, after Baptism, Chrismation,
and first Communion. The first confession on the one hand is a test of all his spiritual
religious-moral development from the period of early childhood, and on the other a
gateway to a new period of youth, when usually family upbringing gets a rival in school
upbringing.

The first confession is a test also for the parents (or care-givers), having prepared the
young soul for perceiving a new holy Mystery, named a "second Baptism."

All family pre-school religious-moral upbringing and education represents a struggle for
the purity of the soul of the child, having been born and required to live in a sinful world,
which violates everything pure and uncorrupted. The victorious outcome of this struggle
is made possible only for the pious Orthodox Christian family and with the help of the
canonically correct holy Mysteries, and therefore, the undoubtedly grace-bestowing
Orthodox Church. In order that the family not be disappointed in view of the power of sin
and evil in its surrounding world, and in consciousness of infirmity in the matter of
preservation of the soul of the young child in the course of seven years, an efficacious,
saving beacon is placed before it: the Mystery of Repentance, of the first confession that
is supposed to correct all mistakes and fill all the gaps of an imperfect human upbringing.
First confession is a "second Baptism," a Baptism by the first repentant tears of the youth
which must interflow with the same repentant tears of the parents. Happy are those
parents who, despite the mass of life's obstacles, can themselves confess and commune
the holy Mysteries simultaneously with the first confession and first conscious
Communion of their child. (Sponsors must also prepare with fasting before the baptism of
the infant. Does anyone do this in our time? I once saw such a "godmother" who could
not recite the Creed by heart.)

For the tender heart of the youth, the first confession must serve as a decree that now his
time has come for independent conviction with personal responsibility before God.
Being now at the Judgment of the Church with his sins of youth, the Christian youth for
the first time himself gives an account to God for himself.

First confession often forever decides the fate of all subsequent falls, repentances,
spiritual restoration and renewal of the soul on life's way, in which "there is no man who
has not sinned."

An Orthodox Christian religious-moral upbringing does not have the right to overlook
first confession; otherwise it deprives itself of the very effective means for accomplishing
its goal, for Christian upbringing is the beginning of the "path to salvation" which is
impossible without the holy Mysteries of the Church.

The Mystery of holy Communion, the most important and most mysterious of all the holy
Mysteries was feeding the infant even earlier, from the baptismal font until first
confession by the faith of his parents and care-givers. Now the youth for the first time
approaches the holy chalice consciously after the Mystery of Repentance. Preparation of
the youth for worthy reception of first conscious Communion of the Body and Blood of
Christ is the culminating point of an Orthodox Christian upbringing.

In order to be worthy of Communion of the body and blood of Christ, one has to know
and understand the multifaceted words of the apostle, "he that eateth and drinketh
unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself." The youth, stepping up for
conscious Communion for the first time, must necessarily know and understand this. For
a full preparation for first communion,

it is necessary to expose before the communicant's consciousness the life of man from the
beginning of his creation and fall into sin up to the expiatory passion of Christ. It is
necessary for the youth who is communing to feel deeply the power of the Lord’s love for
all people. Let him memorize and consciously read (according to the measure of his
intellectual powers) the Creed and Prayer before Communion. Let him with all the
vitality of children's imagination and mind consider all the sufferings of Christ as a
matter brought to completion not only for everyone in general but also instead of him and
for him, still a young sinner. Having shaken the soul of the youth, one should then calm
him and make him joyful by the radiant joyful resurrection of Christ, by the joy of
forgiveness of all who sincerely repent, and by the joy of the promise that "he that eateth
my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him" (John 6:56).