April 2011 Volume 2 Issue 6

Emotional
Health

Women Inspiring Women Physical

Beauty

Abuse
Prevention

Healthy
Relationships

Self
Reliance

IN THIS ISSUE Navigating Moving Waters

Perspectives on Change
Navigating Moving Waters 01 Kara Cattani, Ph.D.
Kara Cattani, Ph.D. As a child, I grew up in a family that river, unlike the tame swimming pools
loved the outdoors. One of our fa- I learned to swim in, had a current that
vorite activities was tubing down the moved with force. Admittedly, the cur-
Why all this Violence? 03 rent in the part of the river we navigated
Kings River, which ran through our
Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D. small community in the central val- was hardly dangerous. Nevertheless,
ley of California. I inherited a healthy in my young mind, that current seemed
Tips for College Graduates 05 dose of anxiety through my family gene unpredictable. In those waters, which
Sarah Johnson pool and I approached these outings, were constantly in a state of flux, were
like many experiences in life, with a lessons in managing the inherent un-
mixture of both excitement and fear. I certainty in life. I gained confidence
How to WOW your 06 and skills as I learned to navigate these
would badger my patient mother with
Dinner Guests questions about our plans and prepa- moving waters.
Lindsey McMillan rations. I was worried about the water A number of skills stand out as I
being too cold, worried that my tube reflect on my experience. Planning
White Tie Ball Recap 07 would have a slow leak, worried about and organizing (while not a guarantee
being teased by my obnoxious broth- for avoiding problems) made the trip
ers, and worried I would get separated or goal possible. Tubes without leaks,
Summer Time Fun 07 from my family. Certainly a part of my as well as patch kits, were important.
Rachael Knudson anxiety was owed to the fact that the Dropping off cars in various locations

BYU Women’s Services and Resources, located in 3326 WSC,
is an organization aimed at helping women recognize their
self-worth and full potential. We offer confidential consultations,
workshops, lecture series, and seminars about current
women’s issues. We invite you to be active and to get involved.
Our office is open Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

W omen’s Services and Resources 1

 was also important, so that we weren’t
stranded when we exited the river.
Persistence (and an occasional curse
word) was another valuable skill. In
a sudden set of rapids or at an unex-
pected fork in the river, I would paddle
with all the might my young arms could
muster. This persistence kept me mov-
ing in the direction I wanted. Finally,
and perhaps most importantly, learn-
ing to be flexible helped me relax and
enjoy my experience.
As I would worry aloud
about things not going
right, my mom was no-
torious for saying, “the
important thing is not
to panic.” I hated when
she said that. She also
said that on our way to
the doctor for school im-
munizations. My moth-
er was a wise woman.
In this message was a challenge to
keep perspective. I have found, over
time, that keeping perspective helps
me avoid the temptation to worry about
all of the problems of the current mo-
ment.
On the river, for example, the goal
was to have a good time and enjoy
each other’s company. If this was my
focus, then perhaps being flexible in
my expectations about HOW things
work out was important. Being flexible
meant that instead of worrying about
things “working out just so” I could ex-
pect that there would be difficult mo-
ments and that with my own strength or
the strength of others I would figure out
how to make adjustments. I might go
a different way than planned. I might
have to paddle through some tricky
rapids. I might even end up tipping into
the water a time or two. Paradoxically,
expecting problems helped me worry
less about them. I was better able to
engage in the moment and enjoy my
experience.
Life, like the moving waters of a
river, seems to be governed by a law of
2 W omen’s Services and Resources
change. In the words of Heraclitus, one
never steps into the same river twice.
We all face any number of challenges
in our lives. Challenges that shift our life
path or circumstances. During the col-
lege years, many students move away
from home and experience changes
related to becoming more independent
or self-reliant. Relationships with fam-
ily members often change. Students
struggle, feeling alone at times. There
is the stress of pay-
ing bills. It is certainly
stressful to survive on a
diet of Ramen noodles.
In addition to the stress
of being independent,
demands for various
life decisions become
overwhelming, such as
choosing a course of
study and choosing a
career.
Relationships can become a source
of both joy and stress as many college
students are navigating relationship
rapids. Anxiety is common as individu-
als face new commitments in relation-
ships and also grapple with loss and
rejection felt in relationships. As the
month of April rolls in, some students
are graduating and moving on to face
yet another set of challenges and op-
portunities.
Our journeys in life are unique; yet
they share the certainty of change. We
all face numerous moments of change,
which bring challenge and growth.
Psychologists often refer to the ability
to adapt well to adversity in life as resil-
ience. The good news is that resilience
skills can be learned and practiced.
The American Psychological Associa-
tion (http://www.apa.org) provides the
following ten tips for building resilience:
1. Make connections. Strong re-
lationships with family and friends pro-
vide opportunities to give and receive
support.
2. Avoid seeing crises as insur-
mountable problems. This con-
cept relates to my mother’s words of
wisdom, “the important thing is not to
panic.”
3. Accept that change is a part
of living. Sometimes circumstances
change and your goals are no longer
attainable. Accepting what cannot
change can help you focus on what you
CAN change.
4. Move toward your goals. De-
velop realistic goals and do something
regularly, even if it is small, that helps
you move towards your goals.
5. Take decisive actions. Instead
of avoiding problems and wishing they
would go away, make decisions as
much as you can.
6. Look for opportunities for
self-discovery. Look for the silver
lining in a dark cloud. People often
find that they have grown or learned
something new about themselves
through their hard times. For example,
many people who have experienced
tragedies and hardship have reported
better relationships, greater sense of
strength even while feeling vulnerable,
increased sense of self-worth, an in-
creased sense of spirituality, and more
appreciation for life.
7. Nurture a positive view of
yourself. Trusting yourself and taking
action helps you to feel more confident
and hopeful.
8. Keep things in perspective.
Don’t miss the forest for the trees. When
you can see the big picture (keeping a
long-term perspective) problems typi-
cally seem more manageable.
9. Maintain a hopeful outlook.
Try visualizing what you want, rather
than focusing on your fears.
10. Take care of yourself. Pay
attention to your own needs and feel-
ings. Engage in activities that you enjoy
and find relaxing. Maintain good sleep
habits. Exercise regularly. Taking care
of yourself helps to keep your mind and
body primed to deal with situations that
require resilience.
Kara Cattani is a Clinical Psychologist in
the Career and Counseling Center at BYU
 W hy All
This Violence?
Origins and Anecdotes
A loner with a grudge and a pen-
chant for odd philosophy shoots an Ari-
zona congresswoman, a federal judge
and a roster of other victims outside a
Tucson supermarket. The penetrating
gaze and eerie smile in the gunman’s
mug shot bring to mind other head-
line makers – criminals who leave us
scrambling to understand and stem
their violent outbursts.
Some commentators and bloggers
blame our current political climate for
the Arizona atrocity. While I am as ap-
palled as the next person by a lack of
civility in our political discourse, politi-
cians were not the ones wielding guns
in Arizona. So what motivates violent
behavior? Can it be prevented?
Mass murder is not predictable, and
no single personality trait, physiology
or background factor makes violent
behavior inevitable. But research has
identified several factors that make vio-
lence more likely. Some of these are
factors you and I can do something
about.
First, perpetrators of violence often
see other people as objects. Their feel-
ings, dreams and relationships are in-
visible or irrelevant. Neglect or abuse,
during which children are treated as
such objects, is one factor in develop-
ing this mindset.
Consider the thought processes of
forger and murderer Mark Hoffman,
whose letter to his parole board was
recently released:
Wendy Ulrich, Ph.D.
“I believe I was trying to convince
myself of the worthlessness of life and
of life’s unfairness,” Hoffman wrote. “I
told myself that my survival and that
of my family was the most important
thing.”
As he rationalized murder to avoid
detection of his forgeries, Hoffman told
himself that his intended victims might
just as easily die from an accident or
natural disaster. Their lives became in-
consequential while the preservation of
his reputation became paramount.
Second, the violent may lack skill
in defusing their anger. They see small
slights as sufficient disrespectful or
threatening to justify rage. They blame
others for their problems, obsess over
perceived insults and injustices, and
combat resulting
feelings of power-
lessness with fan-
tasies of revenge.
For example, there
is speculation that
Rep. Gabrielle Gif-
fords’ assailant felt
so slighted when
she brushed off
his question at an earlier event that he
began plotting against her.
Third, judgment in the violent may be
compromised by their biology. Certain
genes have been implicated in violence
when coupled with childhood neglect or
abuse. When prefrontal lobes (respon-
sible for impulse control, judgment,
planning, reasoning, calming, and em-
pathy) are slow to develop aggression
is more likely, and at best, prefrontal
lobes don’t completely mature until the
early 20s.
Alcohol or drugs further impair judg-
ment and loosen inhibitions. Serial killer
Ted Bundy blamed alcohol for lowering
his inhibitions and lighting the match to
his smoldering violent interests.
Fourth, the violent may lack social
connections and feel misunderstood
and alone. Most individuals who lack
social skills or suffer from mental ill-
nesses do not become violent, and
most awkward or impulsive kids grow
out of it.
In combination with other factors,
though, feeling alone, misunderstood
or rejected can
fuel fantasies of
using violence to
become famous
or get even. Timo-
thy McVeigh, the
Oklahoma City
bomber, appar-
ently hit a breaking
point that turned
toward violence over repeated roman-
tic rejections.
Fifth, certain aspects of the environ-
ment and culture make violence more
likely. Research suggests that high
rates of violence in the U.S. are fueled
by a large disparity between rich and
poor, high mobility and individuality and
W omen’s Services and Resources 3
 weaker community ties, glorification of
and access to weapons, and unremit-
ting media violence and pornography
portraying people as disposable ob-
jects.
For example, in a widely publicized
interview granted hours before his ex-
ecution in 1989, serial killer Ted Bundy
said, “Those of us who have been so
influenced by violence in the media,
particularly pornographic violence, are
not some kind of inherent monsters.
We are your sons and husbands. We
grew up in regular families. Pornogra-
phy can reach in and snatch a kid out
of any house today. It snatched me out
of my home 20 or 30 years ago. As dili-
gent as my parents were, and they were
diligent in protecting their children, and
as good a Christian home as we had,
there is no protection against the kinds
of influences that are loose. ... I’ve lived
in prison for a long time now, and I’ve
met a lot of men who were motivated
to commit violence. Without exception,
every one of them was deeply involved
o
blg
in pornography. ”
In the decades since Bundy com-
mitted his crimes, Internet and media
have exponentially expanded access
and exposure to pornography and vio-
lence of every combination. Although
biology, upbringing, temperament or
culture alone does not unerringly pro-
duce violence, the wrong combination
can turn lethal.
How can we reduce the odds of that
lethal chemistry reaching a flashpoint?
1. We can help kids develop empa-
thy by showing them empathy, teach-
A L L T H I N G S W O M E N ’ S S E R V I C E S AT. . .
ing them to serve and help others, and
helping them imagine others’ feelings. A
young man tempted to sexual violence
against women he saw as “whores”
{byuwsr.blogspot.com} had a breakthrough of empathy when
he answered the question, “How do
you think God sees these women?”
with “They are his daughters; He loves
contact: 3326 wsc tel: 422-4877 email: wsr@byu.edu web: wsr.byu.edu
them.”
2. We can learn, teach and model
good anger management skill, includ-
W omen’s Services and Resources
ing talking ourselves and others down
instead of fueling rage when slighted
by a boss, cut off on the freeway, or at
odds with a politician.
3. We can do more to protect chil-
dren and teens from alcohol, drugs and
abuse, giving their prefrontal lobes time
to mature. This includes getting them
involved in healthy activities where
they develop talents, stress manage-
ment skills and self-esteem.
4. We can expose children to family
members or others who are disadvan-
taged, odd or different and help them
make a connection. We can teach so-
cial skills in school and work settings.
We can reach out to at least one per-
son who is difficult to like.
5. As a society we can insist on limits
on pornography, especially violent por-
nography, in the media and Internet.
We can do more as parents to monitor
cell phones and computers and explain
why. We can work to reduce economic
disparities and decrease materialistic
displays. We can foster community ties
with new neighbors and extended fam-
ily. Anger, vengeance and fighting may
be part of human nature, but we can
fight back.
Originally published in the Deseret
News. See deseretnews.com. Wendy
is the founder of Sixteen Stones Cen-
ter for Growth which is comprised of a
group of mental health professionals
who run seminars for LDS women on
topics like forgiveness and coping with
loss. Learn more at sixteenstones.net.
 T ips for College
Graduates
Setting patterns for the rest of your life
As summer approaches and finals
loom over our heads, 1/4th of the stu-
dent population faces a whole new lev-
el of anxiety: graduation. Graduation
connotes various things from starting
a job, leaving Provo, independence,
grad school, adventure, or fear of the
unknown. As I approach the end of my
college career I have been excited for
the finals, projects, and stress to end,
until I read a quote by Orrin Hatch who
said “graduation is not the end; it’s
the beginning.” While my undergradu-
ate career may be over, I know that
this really is the start of a new life. I
Sarah Johnson
recently learned that the foundation re- depreciates quickly. Find a conserva-
cent graduates lay in the first few years tive car that is a few years old and you
post-graduation predicts the rest of will save a lot of money.
their economic life. Knowing the next • Take advantage of 401K ben-
few years will be vital for setting pat- efits. Many companies offer matching
terns for the rest of our lives, here are options for 401K contributions, so take
a few tips for starting off life on the right full advantage of these benefits – it’s
foot: free money!
• Create an emergency fund. • Make a budget. A budget is re-
You should have 3-6 months of living ally a spending plan that helps guide
expenses saved up to cover rent, food, your spending and saving so that you
insurance, etc. as you never know what can have the things that really matter to
the future may hold. It is also wise to you. Instead of limiting you, it will really
have a few hundred dollars in cash give you freedom and avoid monetary
somewhere safe in your apartment. stress.
Store smaller • Pay off debt. Congratulations if
bills as in emer- you are graduating debt-free, but if you
gency situations do have some debt, plan to pay it off as
it may be hard to quickly as possible. Normally you have
exchange larger a 6 month grace period between gradu-
bills. ation and when you start being charged
• Don’t buy interest, so try and pay as much off as
a new car. possible before that time.
While you may • Actively manage your expec-
be tired of driv- tations. While it will be exciting to fi-
ing an older, nally earn a paycheck and be able to
basic car, buy- buy and do lots of things in the “real
ing a brand new world,” make sure you have a realistic
car could cause approach to how you plan for your ca-
a tight strain on reer and lifestyle.
your budget and
W omen’s Services and Resources 5
Nutrition How to WOW Your Dinner Guests
We all have to agree that a new des-
sert fad has swept the Valley. Stores
have popped up like a warm batch of
cupcakes: Sweet Tooth Fairy, Cupcake
Chic and Cocoa Bean are only some of
the stores that display rows and rows
of delectable goodies. Double fudge
cake bites drizzled with white choco-
late, red velvet cupcakes swirled with
cream cheese frosting, and lemon bars
dusted with powdered sugar…It makes
you want to lick your lips and exclaim,
“MMMMM!!!!” Why is it that we love to
eat these desserts so much? Is there
something magical that makes them
more exciting to eat than other foods?
The answer lies in how desserts
are presented. The aesthetic appeal is
their selling point—one glance and we
can’t wait to indulge! Food is satisfying
as much to our eyes as it is to our bel-
lies—all food, not just desserts. If food
looks pretty, we are inclined to eat it;
we are actually excited to eat it. In the
words of Art and Cook, “First, you eat
with your eyes. Then you let your sens-
How to 1. Slice a lem-
Make a on into about a
Lemon quarter of an
inch thick.
Garnish
6 W omen’s Services and Resources
Lindsey’s
es take over.” Desserts are baked with
a power of aesthetic appeal; channel-
ing that power to the rest of your meal
is what can really WOW your guests
and make your meals more satisfying.
Every part of your meal can be pretty.
Why wait for dessert?
Food presentation is what makes
meals spectacular, special ingredients
or skills are not needed! Simple pre-
sentation techniques and garnishes
can bring your B+ meal to an A+ meal
with little effort. Improving the way you
serve food for yourself and for guests
can make meals memorable, first to the
eyes and then to the belly.
Tip #1: Dress up you Menu.
Creating a menu to use with each table
setting can spice up the ambiance of
your dinner party. Use fancy names for
your menu items–be as imaginative
and descriptive as you like! Example:
transform your meal of chicken, rice,
and vegetables to Cranberry Orange
Chicken, Wok-Fried Wild Rice, and
Asian Stir-Fried Vegetables.
2. Snip the
lemon slice from
the outer edge to
the center.
Lindsey McMillan
Tip #2: Use Contrasting Colors.
A meal that uses all the same colors is
boring. Turkey, potatoes, gravy, stuff-
ing, and a roll? All brown. Add a green
salad, cranberry sauce, and carrots
to add a splash of color to the plate.
Making wise use of contrasting serv-
ing dishes is essential too. A white food
served in a white bowl might be better
highlighted if it were served in a colored
or decorated bowl. On the other hand,
a colorful food item, such as a fruit sal-
ad, might look best in a white bowl.
Tip #3: Become A Garnish Guru.
Garnishes can be anything from a sprig
of fresh herbs to sprinkles of cheese to
slices of fresh vegetables. Add a lime
wedge to lemonade, a slice of avocado
to top a bowl of soup, or sliced green
onions to a filet of fish. A simple gar-
nish highlights the best colors of the
meal and is one of the strongest ways
to channel the magic of aesthetic ap-
peal. The garnish can become the sell-
ing point for your meal—one glance
and your guests can’t wait to indulge!
3. Take hold of
the corners and
twist in opposite
directions and lay
on top of your
delicious dish.
W h i t e T i e B a l l
“It’s remarkable that Alex can make an entire audience laugh so hard, with hands
slamming down on the tables in laughter because of his charisma, and he can
make us cry because of his passion all in the same performance. He left us feel-
ing that we wanted to be part of something bigger than ourselves. I think it’s re-
markable that the Lord blesses people with talents and that we really can touch
other people’s lives in a way that no one else can. We can inspire each other to
be better in ways that we wouldn’t have thought of on our own. Alex was a true
performer and tied in his own story with the message of our campaign to be a
voice of courage to speak up against abuse.” –Lindsey McMillan

“I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself, and it was humbling to have
God say, “This isn’t about you. This isn’t just about you.” –Alex Boye

“This spirit of love and caring for one another is really the message we want you to
get from this event; of courage—of being a voice of courage to speak up against
abuse.” –Mia Selway

Summer Fun Tips Rachael Knudson

1. Canoeing on the Provo River
CLAS Ropes Course (clasropes.com)
offers canoe rentals for $12/2 hours.
2. Tandem Bike Rides
There are two places here in Provo
where you can rent tandem bikes for
relatively cheap. The first is at Out-
doors Unlimited in the WSC basement
and second there is a house on the cor-
ner of 700 N. and University Ave.
3. Moonlit Ski Lift Rides
This happens once a month during the
full moon up at Sundance Ski Resort.
Check out dates and costs at
sundanceresort.com.
4. Scera Shell–Outdoor Theater
The Scera Shell Theater up on State in
Orem offers a plethora of summer fun
productions such as movies, concerts
and live productions. Find out more at
Scera.org.
5. Floating the Provo River
All you need for this is some sort of
floating device. It’s relaxing and the
cool river water is a great way to feel
refreshed from the hot summer heat.
6. Hikes
One of Utah’s biggest attractions are its
mountains. Four fun, enjoyable hikes
you could try out this summer are Brid-
al Veil Falls, Stewart Falls, Timp, and
our own Y Mountain.
7. Monday Movies in the Park
This happens every Monday night
throughout the summer and is com-
pletely free. Just show up at Rock Can-
yon Park around dusk.
8. Mona Rope Swing
There is a pond about thirty or forty
minutes south of Provo in a town called
Mona with an extremely fun rope swing.
9. Gallivan Center
This is in Salt Lake but they host free
concerts every Thursday.
10. Yoga: Hare Krishna Temple
This temple hosts Yoga every
Wednesday night at absolutely no cost.
11. Farmer’s Market
Every Saturday morning and into the
early afternoon there is a farmer’s mar-
ket at pioneer park on 500 W. and Cen-
ter Street. They sell crafts, food, and
other sorts of fun stuff.
12. Outdoor Activities
There is a plethora of outdoor activi-
ties you could participate in now that
the weather is warm such as, sidewalk
chalk, tennis, Frisbee, night games,
bonfires, picnics, snow cones, swim-
ming, sand volleyball, fishing, flour
fights, and scooter rides, just to name
a few.
13. Fourth of July Parade
The night before the Fourth of July tons
of people sleep out on University Ave in
anticipation for the holiday parade. This
is a fun activity to do with your friends
and gets you great seats for the show.
W omen’s Services and Resources 7