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a
Scoff-laws Get The I Boot 95
A professor of environmental St. Michael's in Greenville, St. tional Association; and as a member 1^44
&
studies at Mercy hurst College when Catherine's and Central Christian of the Association for Supervision
named principal of Mercy hurst Prep high school in DuBois, and at SS of Curriculum Development.
School in 1977,. Sister Maura has Cosmus and Damien's in Punx-
*
doubled the size of enrollment at the sutawney. She also taught at St. new religious team will be held at
coed high school since taking office. Justin's in Pittsburgh. ^ the Sisters of Mercy Motherhouse
Under her academic leadership, She'was a mefnberof the Mer- in Erie on June 6. 1 ' '
the curriculum at the Prep SchooF cyhurst College faculty for seven
-T •*
fill' I £.
A >
I
* • * >
l «
« *"
* 5* - /
By Maragret Coffey will be afreeday. Spring Break will the costs. to-order, top-quality pizza, ii.^f
be March 25 to April 4 and the last In other news, a resume service piping-hot and delicious,
ThefirstMSQ meeting of Spring day of finals will be May\ 13. will be offered to students next year. just the way you like it.
Tferm was opened by President Mike' Kelly also announced the Career Services will print the We're quick in the store
Kelly. He announced that voting for Recognition Dinner for MSG of- resumes on computer. Any full-time so we can safely deliver
your hot pizza in less [
MSG officers will take place on ficers and representatives in good student can take advantage of the than 30 minutes. No
April .1st and 2nd* The 4-2-4 calen- standing will be held on April 24. service at any timefora fee of three M
NOID is good news, so
dar proposal |was accepted by the He announced there will be no open dollars. Career services will hire an call Domino's Pizza® today.
Senate and Mercyhurst College bar as there was last year. This point assistant to do the job. This Open for lunch
President Dr. William P. Garvey. It
will be in affectfcfor the next five
faced opposition. Treasurer Barb
Sayers defended her position by
assistantship will be worth $1200
with $600 coming from the ad-
Call us! 11 am-1am Sua-Thurs.
11 am - 2am Fit & Sat.
years. However there were a few
modifications made. Winter Term
stating that the sixty dollar student
governmentfeeshould not be spent
ministration and $600 coming from
MSG. ; j v
I
453-6938 ii« RHINO'S
PIZZA
will be eight weeks long and will ex- on open bar, and 75% of the A debate on U.S. policy in Nica- 442 WA 18th St. DELIVERS
tend from December 1 to February representatives are underage ragua will be held on April 9 at 8 Downtown Erie
9. There will be a two week break anyway. Last year $500 was spent p.m. in the Zurn Recital Hall. Also, Our drivers carry less than $20.00. Limited delivery area. ©1986 Domino's Pizza, Inc.
for Christmas. Classes will meet for on drinks while only $300 was spent the mascot project will be taken over
75 minutes on Monday, Tuesday, on food. One representative sug- by the athletic department. Dinner Party
Thursday, and Friday. Wednesday gested having a Happy Hour to cut for two for four Pack
Margaret Plunkett, Freshman, I Bill Nesdore, Senior, Accoun- Tim M us bach, Sophomore,
Annette Padaci, Sophomore, Business Major: I
Nursing student: Undecided: I ting Major:
"I dorft think TV evangelists are "I think the whole deal is ridicu- "Yes I do. If you believe what
"I think it has because the people they're saying, and it's doing your
credible because they seem far- lous! What's worse, though, are the
that.watched and really believed life good, it doesn't matter what they
fetched" people whofollow(TV evangelists)
what these (evagelists) had to say and give them the millions of do outside of their ministry." >
about things that are wrong, now dollars. I don't know if they're us-
find that this person was doing these ing any kind of critical thinking at
"wrong things." But, then again, all."
these people are human, and people
make mistakes. I think it's up to
those who watch (TV evagelism)
whether they want Uj ^lleve it o$
not"
PAGE 4 ®be flicrciati THURSDAY, APRIL 2,1987
Fool" issues.*Other newspapers not have passed on one of our favor- The failure was only during the pur- Swaggart, being a man of God, SWAGGART: Hark, good sir! What
have not been sofortunate.There ite holiday's without some lunacy. ported presentation. 1 say "pur- could see this sin on this woman, be thy name?
have been lawsuits and libel charges We, first off, have run a bunch of ported"forone reason. No one saw and told her that to be healed of this .*(See " K O V S K I " page 7)
placed against papers that have done "Far Sides" for your enjoyment. the presentation. Maybe that's God's
"April Poof" issues. (Continued from page 4) plan: "I didn't see a check for $1.3
million. You're still a million short. THE FAR SIDE By GARY LARSON
Oral, you're archives, history,
YOU'RE OUT OF THERE!" Oral
Roberts buys the farm. Details at
11:(XX ^
®ht Mtttxab I think the best wayforhim to go
would be to have his radio fall into
his bathtub while it is playing some
Brian Sheridan, Big Kahuna heavy metal. His pallbearers could
Chris Kovskl, Computer Whiz Kid be a half dozen punk rockers with
Jennifer Conmy, Sports EditoHEmeritus spiked mohawks . Poetic j u s t i ce
| Matthew J. Clark, Demi-god ; | strikes again.
Leslie Hafenmaler, Pix Editor ' The one point people neglect is
Frank Pawlowski, Carrier of the Week .^ that Roberts never said he would die
on March 31st or April 1st. He just
VOL. 60 NO. 17 THURSDAY, APRIL 2,1987 said that if he didn't get the money,
he would die. Here it is ladies and
Reporters g e n t l e m e n : " T h e nightly news,
Mary aret Coffey Julie Cherlco August 23,1992. Oral Roberts died
today from complications resulting
Jeff R from massive failure in fundraising.
Typists According to the coroner's report,
Bridget Presuttl, Karen Casclo Roberts died.from 'vaccuous
deitosa—in layman's terms, God
F. William Kennedy. Faculty Adviser sucked out his soul. This condition
had its roots in 1987, when Roberts
The Me rclad is the student-edited newspaper of Mercy hurst College, 501 East
failed to raise his $8 million that
38th Street, Erie, PA 1654a The Merciad office Is located, in the basement God ordered. A check that Roberts
of Baldwin Hall, phone 825-0376. said he received was missing, and "Whoa! Smells like a French
no one else witnessed the presenta- primate house In here."
PAGE 5
®he fHcrctab THURSDAY, APRIL 2,1987
5
Hurst P r o f s Research O n t i f e In O u r Galaxy Pays Off
By; Dr. Mickey Adleweiss to send one" signal to the entire alien lessons in acting like my in- What could I do? Out in the mid- offourdimensions, three as legs of
universe. laws. They are always asking if they dle of nowhere and trapped by nas- a tripod, thefourthsticking straight
Dear Forum, By using an IBM mainframe, I can come visit, and before you can
I used to think that these things ty looking creatures from another up, he then told me to picture it ex-
directed each signal in a burst answer, they say "Okay. See you at galaxy. Momma didn't raise no fool. panded with two more dimensions
were written by your staff, but since transmission (compressed wave for six." Then you're expected to take I reached in the truck behind the sticking out. That I could unders-
you printed this, I know they're not. fester transmission) to various likely them out to dinner and feed them, front seat and cracked the tab on a tand. So then he asks me if I want
You won't believe this, but it ac- areas for life. I chose three planets even though they bring that little cold one. "Wanna brewski?" I ask- to drive, and I said, "What the hell,
tually happened to me. From the in the Alpha Centuri area and six brat of a niece along with them. She ed the biggest alien. why not." I sat behind the wheel,
time I was in high school, I had an slightly further out. I used a laser and reached down for the seat ad-
ever-increasing interest in space. I carrier for the signal, sending out a justment. These critters only have
read every science fiction book message in binary code that would two-foot-long legs. I grabbed the le-
written, consuming with equal approximate the Earth's relative ver and pushed it back. Next thing
ebullience the work of Edgar Rice position, and the position of the lab I know, I'm on this ugly street. It
Burroughs and Arthur C. Clarke. I I was working in, to 100 significant was dirt, but blue and green and
was enraptured by the planet Bar- figures. black dirt. *
soom, with Captain John Carter and Since I sent the message using la- I turn to Greenlip, as I called him
Dejah Thoris. I reveled in the ser light, which is monochrome, I (only to myself, mind you—I didn't
Overlords from Clarke's was fairly confident Ah at my know what these varmints could do)
Childhood's End—their attempt at message would remain intact. I and asked him what happened. He
world peace was inspiring. knew for certain that the message informed me that I had grabbed the
Consequently, it was no surprise would be received in 4.2 years, the emergency lever, which would im-
to my family and friends when I amount of time necessary for light mediately return the car to his street.
decided to attend Cornell University to reach Alpha Centuri from Earth. t So he asked me to spend the
and study astronomy and physics It would take another 4.2 years for night, and I couldn't see any reason
under the tutelage of Professor me to see the light signal reach the to refuse. After all, I couldn't walk
Jonathan C. Beauxyeux, PhD. planets, since the reflected light home.; '$& • •• • * * - •' •
While an undergraduate, I took an takes that long to reach back to the We went into their place, which
interest in the theory of life on oth- Earth. \ \ Jjj was kinda cozy, and grabbed a cold
er planets. Statistically, there is a *A11 of this technicality aside, 8.4 one. Man, they had good beer. You
higher probability of intelligent life years later I was sitting in the obser- know, kind oflike that Moosehead
on another planet somewhere than vatory with my coude (koo-d^y) stuff, butwith the kick of Mad Dog.
telescope, Watching the nearest Head ofMercyhurst Security Merrill Dever's car has a parking sticker
of us being the only intelligent life with the number 007, secret agent James Bond's license to kill code. There we were, pulling an in-
in the universe. planet. A coude telescope focuses trastellar party. It was fantastic.
the light down the^'tube" so that it Coincidence? We don't think so. Roger Moore, after all, has quit play-
Beauxyeau directed my unre- ing Her Majesty's debonair civil servent Photo: G Kovski Greenlip called up his neighbors,
strained passion, feeding me the cant be concentrated' onto a and they all came over. One of them
countless books and articles he photographic plate. I wanted a rec- never can be quiet, no matter how An expression of relief crossed brought what looked like one of
possessed on the subject. My love ord of the arrival of my carrier wave. much you tell her to shut up. Then his face, and he said, "Fantastic! I those BFR's (Big Freakin' Radio)
of the sidereal sciences grew ex- I, in my youthful naivete,figuredit you have to sleep in the kitchen on was hoping you'd be an advanced and blasted some "music" that
ponentially, i- would make an interesting graphic a cot because they are sleeping in culture!" His voice sounded sounded like the Beastie Beys on
I continued my studies at the for my thesis paper. & your bed. And... Oh, I seem to be metal 1 ic and emanated from inside bagpipes. There really is some kind
Massachusetts Institute of i|After many fruitless days of sit- digressing. Now where were we? my head. The alien grabbed the can of life in our galaxy, especially on
Technology, going for my Ph.D. in ting in the laboratory, often as much Oh yes, the aliens. and poured it in where our ears are. Saturday night.
astronomy. I started out to do my as sixteen hours a day, with a com- I quickly thought about the possi- Maybe they hear where they speak, Afterjtying one on with these
doctoral thesis on "The Applicabili- puter rigged up to alert-me if ble alternatives, and decided to skip just like they say on that annoying guys, I knew that there was no way
ty of The Doppler Shift to Possible anything unusual (i.e.,!• change in town. After all, it would take them commercial for Campbell's soup. I could ever tell anyone about this.
Particle Wave Contact With Other light on the planet surface) appeared overfouryears to reach Earth, so I He then asked me i f I wanted to But I'm telling you because The Na-
Sentient Life." * during my eight hours or so IJwas had plenty of time. Boy, was I goforaridein his sports ship. Why tional Enquirer wouldn't buy it. So
For those of you who have never away each day, my diligence was wrong. Hopping-into my pickup not? I'd never been craisin' with I thought I'd give the paper here a
taken a course in astronomy, a Dop- rewarded. On the planet I later truck, a 1974 black Ford 4x4,1 sped creatures in a Caddy before. shot at it first, before I write my|
pler shift is an effect noticed when designated Hajooby I saw a brilliant away from the observatory. But Well, to make a long story longer, book and appear on David Letter-
flash of light, which overwhelmed there on that dark desert highway, we drove around for a while, me man. I wouldn't go on that Joanf
two bodies are moving, one at a me with its magnitude and color. I Rivers' show, because she really
with the cool wind in my hair and showing him'the sights/ him
greater rate than the other, causing the smell of calitas rising up in the belching a lot. He then told me makes me sick. I mean, really, she^
the frequency of particle waves sent recorded the flash, then fed it into
my computer. By translating the air, I saw up in the distance a shim- about how his sports ship worked. packs that body of hers into a dress §
between the bodies to change accor- mering lightf My hands grew heavy He lost me when he started talking that is two sizes too small*' How's
ding to the speed of separation of the pulsing of theflare-up,the computer
had decoded * a message: and my sight grew dim; it wasn't a about a six-dimensional coordinate she do that? I always picture some
two bodies. * Mercedes-Benz or a hotel, but a system, in which the other three beefy dudes backstage, holding a'
I realize that I*have probably "HELLOPLANETEAFTH WEA
REHAJOOBYlWEWOULDLIKE spaceship the size of a 1972 Cadillac. axes, t, tau, and te, are cognates for dress up, then she jumps off a beam
bored you stiff by*this time, but I Its styling was about the same. Dark the three axes we know. Each one of into it. They then take one of those
wanted you to understand how I TOHOLDCOMMlJNICATIONS
WITHYOU" and it continued brown with a brown velour interior, these three is simply rotated 90
came upon some of the more star- (See "GALAXY" page 7)
"CANWECOM & wide white walls on the tires and an degrees from the others. After ex-
tling conclusions ever readied in the oddly-shaped "Party GRXLT on plaining the system to me in terms
realm of astrophysics. I discovered EVISH IFWEGETNORESPQNS
EWEWILLSTOPBYLATER." board" sign in the rear window. I
that I could be the Einstein of the couldn't drive around it. So I stop-
MONEY
It was a full week before I realiz-
21st century.
My discovery was that there is life
on other planets. While working on
r\
ed that this said "Hello planet
Earth. We are Hajooby. We would
like to hold communications with
ped the pick-up and out from the
ship stepped four of the ugliest
creatures I had ever seen (not coun-
EARN
my thesis, which involved copious
you. Can we come visit? If we get ting Ruth Buzzi), They were about Stuffing envelopes at home in your spare
laboratory work, I found that, if I 4Vi feet tall, blue, and they looked
varied the frequency of the particle no response we will stop by later."
like pears. By blue I mean a color time. * 1 i
waves to correspond with the Dop- I returned to my telescope to view
the planet, but realized I was too like Mercyhurst blue; you know, SEND $1.00 for details to:
pler effect, I could send a steady, un- dark. Not only that, they had
late. I received another message mat
varying signal to another planet. In
stated, "TOOLATE HBREWEC purplish eyes and green hair. We're Triple-E Enterprises
exchange for this stronger signal, I talking UGLY. These beings
had to sacrifice universality—I OME," which was, obviously, "Too definitely got whomped on by the P.O. Box 1781 \
could only signal one planet with late. Here we come!" i ugly stick, U-G-L-Y! Erie, Pa. 16507
each signal, rather than being able Someone must have given these
PAGE 6 3Jbe fHerciad THURSDAY, APRIL 2, 1987
/
m A
By Brian Sheridan have anything to otter. Why bother asked for someone to check to see
with them. It was the pearl-necklace if the poster was officially licensed.
When casting my cynical eye of and briefcase types like Mr. and Obviously, Beav has become disillu-
social commentary recently to Mrs. Cleaver who wielded the clout sioned and embittered from trying
WTBS, the re-run heaven of televi- on "Beaver." Not only did a kind to live up to the impossible stan-
sion, I saw the "Leave it to Beaver" word here and there from Eddie dards of perfection instilled long ago
show. Then, as if by some godly in- ease the tension between the genera-*; by his parents. . f $%
tervention, the re-run was followed tions, but it showed how mediation For television in the fifties, Eddie
by an episode of "the New Leave it was the best method of solving* Haskell will forever remain the
to Beaver" which is the same show problems. Eddie had the generation harsh, stinging slap of reality, the
as the old one with everyone being gap figured even before the fancy- ripple in the still pond of sanitized
20 years older and Ward being dead; pantsed sociologists of the seventies thinking. No other show has an Ed-
but in the old show, Ward really had a namejfor it. As for his die Haskell. There wasn't an Eddie
didn't have a life anyway so his derogatory comments to Beaver, on "Father Knows Best." Sure,
departure isn't that sorely missed. many times they were deserved.
Through pointing lout goofyftj "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis"
There, in that bland hour of family had Maynard G. Krebs, but he was
television, I saw, in one pseudo- behavior, Eddie tried to push
Theodore towards maturity by using a part of the problem, not a weath-
spiritual moment, the past and the er vane pointing out the way the
future. I the Freudian concept that recogni-|
tion of a problem can be the cure. winds of social and moratfehange
fin both episodes I saw Wally's would blow in the coming decades.
smarmy friend, Eddie Haskell, ooz- If only Eddie could have been at the
White House last year, he mightl For those reasons, andforthe feet
ed into the Cleaver home with words have helped avert Iranscam by tell-^ that he was creepy, Eddie found
of false praise and respectforWard himself an oppressed minority in
and June. Then he insulted the Beav ing Ronald Reagan and Oliver North
that they were being goofe. All of May field. But he saw the writing on
for some goofy behavior, and he and this can be seen in the updated the video wall and ditched the milk-
Wally would be off in search of and-cookie scene. He became a leg-
trouble. t . "Beaver," who looks healthy, has a
good job, a nice family, and a pro-*.; end. Rumors circulated that he
E t h e "Eddie interlude*' of each mising future? Not the Beaver. He's became either Alice Cooper, the
episode was designed to show how ' a coronary waiting to happen, with rock star, or John Holmes, the por-
wholesome and good the Cleaver cheeks so fat he has to squint, more no star. Neither was true. %
kids were. It was when he appeared chins than a Chinese phonebook. Eddie was out there all along, a
I realized Eddie got a bum rap. If He's once divorced and still acts like mover and a shaker, making deals
there was ever anything to be learn- £ he's 10 years old. The acting hasn't* and breaking hearts,ridinga strong
ed from this sitcom, Eddie was the I gotten any better over the years, undercurrent and waiting to be
guy to learn it from. Infeet,little did noticed as the true symbol of life in
Above is "Nothing Sacred's" author Brian Sheridan filling in over
we know at the time that, to survive either.
Spring Break-far his buddy Michael Jackson in the 3-D video show, | our times. The 80's, full of Betty
in a world in which the Theodores, A friend of mine met both Bea- Ford Clinics, Cabbage Patch Kids
"Captain Eo/'at Walt Disney World Epcot Center. Sheridan reportsWallys, Larrys, and Lumpys would
he feels fine now. t ver and Eddie a few years ago at a and Chicken McNuggets, is the en-
be adults, you'd have to behave like mall during a "Leave it to Beaver" vironment seemingly created by Ed-
an Eddie. Eddie always knew who promotional tour. He tried to get die Haskell. We need him, for he
to compliment. His peers didn't them to sign a poster which Eddie can make make it work.
thought was "neat." Beaver, though,
1987-88
4-2-4 ACADEMIC CALENDAR
(12 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks)
NOVEMBER
Faculty Workshop 30 Mon Registration/Evening classes
Freshman arrive/Orientation begin
Registration
DECEMBER
SEPTEMBER P* 1 Tues Day classes begin/Late
1 ? Tues First day of classes/Late registration |
registration Tues Last day to change/enter classes
Mon Labor Day/no classes Frl Last day of classes/Christmas
Tues Last day to change/enter classes break begins after classes
OCTOBER JANUARY
|16 Mid-term progress reports to 4 Mon Day/Evening classes »
Registrar resume/5-week courses begin / /
Congressman
VOLUNTEERS NEEDED teachers; April 9, Hyatt?Regency- at 8 p.m. and April 5 at 7:30 p.m.
Students are needed to help with this Buffalo fpr ORM, Bus. Adm., Ac- Tickets are $6.00 and can be re-
year's Senior Week. Needed are two counting, and HRM majors for served by calling 838-1954.
Juniors and two Seniors to help plan management trainees. Students in- Modern Tool Theatre Co.
and implement the activities for terested in interviewing should go to In the eyes of many taxpayers, the The longerformhas become con-
presents California Suite, a new Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has
May. Please contact Peggy Hirsch at the Career Services Office, Main comedy by Neil Simon, Friday and troversial, and the IRS^ has
825-3333 if seriously interested in 204, to sign up for an appointment. done it again. Complying with the distributed 20,000 videotapes to ex-
Saturday, April 10 & 11 only at 8 new taxreformact, the agency has
helping. 1 p.m. Tickets are $6.00 and can be re- plain theformand worksheet. The
created a new and more difficult situation has prompted Secretary of
EDUCATION DEPARTMENT served by calling 459-0093. W-4 form that employees must file
RECRUITERS ON CAMPUS Interviewsforfreshmen and transfer SHOWS World of Wheels custom the Treasury James Baker to call for
Thefollowingrecruiters will be on students who are seeking admission before October 1 of this year. To en- revision. It's clear that some kind of
car and off road show will be at thesure correct withholding throughout
campus this week:[April 6, Glen into the Elementary Education Erie Civic Center April 4from1:00 simplification is necessary.
Mills Schools for Crim. Jus., Psyc., Department will be held Wednes- the 1987 tax year, it is recommend- Recently, a hearing was held
to 10:00 and April 5 from 1:00 to ed that they be filed before the Oc-
Sports Med., and Liberal Arts ma- day, April 8 and Thursday, April 9. 7:00. ] before the Senate Finance Subcom-
jorsforteachers and Coaches; April Please see Mrs. Kaliszak, Education tober deadline. mittee on Private Retirement Plans
The Magic of David Copperfield Thefour-pageform,including a
7, Red Roof InnsforHRM and Busi- secretary, in order to schedule this will be presented Friday, April 3 at and Oversight of the Internal Reve-
ness majors for management worksheet, replaced the old two- nue Service to examine the prob-
interview and to obtain the interview the Warner Theatre. There will be page form and serves the purpose of
trainees; April 8, Harborcreek forms. two performances, 5:30 and 8:30. lem. During the hearing, IRS
Youth ServicesforPsyc., Sociology, instructing an employer how much Commissioner Lawrence B. Gibbs
Reserved seats are on sale now for to withhold for federal tax. said, "In our tax system there is a
Mental Health, Crim. Jus., Educ, THEATRE Brighton Beach $16.50 and;$14.50. Call 452-4857
and Spec. Ed. majors for child care Memoirs will be presented at the In past years, some people who constant tension between fairness
for more information. enjoy more money in their and simplicity. In.. .withholding,
counselors and Special Ed. Erie Art Museum Theatre April 4 paychecks have purposely had their this translates to a tension between
taxed underwithheld, sometimes accuracy and simplicity. In develop-
GALAXY *
appreciate any money you could
give him to get him on his way- ISSUE .
encountering difficulty paying off
the tax bill they incur from the prac-
ing the taxreformlegislation, Con-
gress and the Internal Revenue
(Continued from page 5) cash onljvno checks or credit (Continued from page 4)
tice. Others use the IRS withholding Service realized that tax tax reform
cards. Please send donations to There are other "Fools Day" sur- system as a forced savings play,
air hammers and shove in the excess prises within this issue. You should claiming fewer allowances in order presented a unique opportunity to
the Adelweiss Fund, c/o The Mer- introduce more accuracy into the
andrivetthe straps in place so they ciad, Box 129. By the way, Mickey, be able to spot them, though, and toreceivea large refund. The Con- withholding system. While not
don't break. this is The Merciad, not Pen- they are not on the news pages. I re- gress and the IRS have sought to
< But really, you guys are fantastic. thouse. peat Dean Palmer has resigned. perfect in each and every Case,*' our
But how about running some more prevent both of these extreme situa- newformW-4 was redesigned to ob-
This is not an April Fool's Day joke. tions in order to more accurately
nude shots of Madonna? Again, I want to mention that we are predict and manage incoming tax tain the most accurate answerforthe
Editor's Note: Doctor Mickey KOVSKI a school's journalism publication, revenue and outgoing tax refunds.
largest possible number of taxpayers
among over 100 million individual
Adelweiss, Ph.D., M.D., B.Y.O.B., (Continued from page 4) ^m not a humor magazine, though we
professor of Intergallactic Issues Nearly 80% of all taxpayers receiv- taxpayers." - •
BARKER: James Bakker, sir. And don't mind if we are at times con- ed refunds last year.
taught here at Mercy hurst for the what do they call thee? <j? sidered witty. Humor publications Before the new law, taxpayers
past two years. He also provides SWAGGART: His Almost-Holiness are much better at being funny they 'While the Congress was striving were subject to a penalty if less than
some great material for v Jimmy Swaggart, God-On-Earth, we could be. The reverse is also for simplicity and fairness in the tax 80 percent of what they owed in a
psychology students, as well as be- Dane of TVLand and Keeper Of true: we are much better at repor- reform act, there were many times taxable year was withheld. The new
ing a volunteer for biology The Sexual Misadventures. \ ting Mercy hurst news than thejnre. when one had to be sacrificed for law increased that figure from 80
students' experiments. He's now BAKKER: Have ye anything on me, If you want to read a parody or a the other. The tax reform act percent to 90 percent, thereby
ready to retire, especially after m'lord? publication that is in the business for directed the IRS to revise the form reducing the margin of error on the
that mishap with the Bunsen SWAGGART: Ah, yes, my^good slaying sacred cows, read "National to make withholding more accurate, W-4 form. At a time when most
burner, and complete his man. Doth yeremembera comely Lampoon." Or maybe read "Mad while an accompanying Senate Fi- people are beginning to think about
autobiography titled "Cruisin' lass named Jessica Hahn? Magazine." In fact, my copy just ar- nance Committee report instructed their 1986 tax liability, the new W-4
with Creatures in a Caddy." He BAKKER: What be the price of rived in the mail yesterday. "What? that the W-4'tform was not to be asks them to accurately estimate
needs funds, though, so he would Me worry?" made more complex. 1987 tax liability. | | §j>' M
silence?
THE FAR)SIDE BytGARY LARSON I H i FAR SIDE PBy GARY LARSON THI FAR 5IDE By GARY LARSON
Wendall Zurkowlfe: Slave to the waffle light Unbeknownst to most historians, Einstein started
The fake McCoys »wn the road of professional basketball before
an ankle Injury diverted him Into science. *
PAGE 8 She JHerciaft THURSDAY, APRIL 2,1987
Laker Baseball!
Aquires New Field
By Jennifer Conmy the team has been able to play and
has required that the baseball field
Mercy hurst College has been be repaired each year before the
Ej; This time down the court, we're coach a UAB, for a 55-mile trip to shooters in the business. ; renovating the baseball fields at the baseball season begins. I
going to try and explain something visit the residence of the round ball Then, it was back to the airport, old Kanty Prep school in prepara- Mercy hurst is now working on the
that not too many people gunl. P | i with 11m chauffeuring, for my re- tion of the Laker baseball team's field renovations which will be fin-
understand—the making of a 3 min- Upon arriving in Bloomington, I turn flight to where beer is Made the eventual move to the fields for the ished before the 1987 Fall baseball
ute 45 second TV halftime show— knelt and kissed his ring—and AmericanJWay. I got back to my 1987-88 playing season. The move season. The team will be practicing
because even when you give it the caught the end of practice, which home at 11 o'clock that night- will begin this week when the team on thefieldsthis spring before of-
best you can, work really hard, not ended at noon because it was the having put in about 17 hours for a begins practicing on the new fields, ficially moving the program to the
a lot offolksrealize just what's all Christmas holiday. Believe me, it 3-minute 45-second show, A piece located out on East 38th street. fields in the fall. ± «.
involved. What most of my cameo was a real physical workout, no of cake, huh? • The reason for the move is, in Coach Bob Shreve thinks the col-
glimpses into the behind-the-scenes nonsense, with Coach Knight There are a couple of last points part, due to the administration's lege has done a nice job in
world of college hoops require are always keeping the court spread and I'd like to make. W£\ti decision to give added emphasis to renovating thefieldsrHealso stated
two days of work—including travel working screens in their motion 01- One is that, if Coach Knight has the sport of baseball here at Mer- that the baseball team will be the on-
time, from concourse to concourse. fense. On D, they worked on cutting a human fault, it's thataf he likes cyhurst. The new fields will give the ly one using thefields,which will
But because of space limitations, off passing lanes, and on a concen- you, he'll do anythingforyou. What team the added dimension of having add to team's practices and game
I've selected one of thefewthat was trated, maximum effort on he did for me was a hel 1 of a favor their own playing field, which they playing.^
done in a day-—when I recently took man-to-man. at a busy time, and you'd better have lacked here at Mercy hurst. In Shreve is hopeful that the school
my annual pilgrimage to Bloom- We then went for a paper napkin believe thisformersidelines-pacer the past the baseball team has been will be able to provide shuttle
ington to spend a four-hour time lunch, at a place the health depart- appreciates it. * sharing its field with the football transportationforLaker fans to the
block doing a halftime show on ment hasn'tfoundyet, accompanied Second, make no mistake. team during the fall. This has cut home games, since they will no
Coach Bobby Knight. by his son Tim, who graduated from There's no doubt, when this man down on the amount of Fall baseball longer be played on campus.
Okay. The alarm clock jumped Stanford and represents Coach walks onto a basketball court,
me off the living room floor at 6:15 Knight in all businesses outside of everyone's eyes are on him. The
a.m., and in my stupor I realized J the University. Thefoodwas good, visiting coach, the reft, the media*
haven't done an Indiana game in two and the conversation—believe it or thefens—theyseem to know by ESP
years, but also that nothing really
changes. f-
This, I decide/ is what I want to
hit upon in my show—that in Coach
not—was mainly on fishing and
hunting.
that the man is coming out.
I doubt that he's ever played to a
After that, we went back and did less than SRO house in the Big Ten
a 35-40 minute, in-depth conversa- in the last 10 years, and his intensi-
ty and cold stare guarantees the
Pub
tion on basketball and what this
Knights case, change only means
that the racetrack sports jacket had
become a rotating Adidas pullover
giant would do if basketball ended Nielson Rating for;any Indiana
tomorrow—and how he'd want to be game. He's like a superstar. He is
presents
fed or white sweater. And, that he's remembered. This show was shown the personification of Hoosier
left the four powerful Midwest states
from which he's always recruited—
Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and
Michigan—and opened up the
on Peb. 2Uwhen Iowa played
Indiana.
madness. ; j
Coach Knight is one of those rare
There are afewthings I will say: people who takes the air out of the
When we talked that half-hour plus room, who makes the heart pound,
College] Night
whole country, including JUCO
Wue-chippers. And yes, that he is
before two-angle cameras, Coach
Knight said the three-point play is
makes it tough to breathe.
Everybody knows he's there, even
Every Wednesday
now play ing a zone—which is even the opposing team, who make
obvious to Billy P. and Dick V. [
; By the time I'd thought this all
suicidal to the game. And, that he
has certain doubts and reservations believe they don't, but they know:
about the way the NCAA and the Here comes the man. He is, today,
from 7:00-11:001RM.
out, I'd climbed into a seven o'clock presidents of the universities are the only one who has that kind of
commuter out of Milwaukee foi
Indianapolis—a plane, that was made
for the Hunchback of Notre Dame,
handling things. awareness to everybody in the place.
Also, he doesn't care who refc the Even the ushers. ,, All the wings you can
What I'm trying to show is that
because once you get on one, you
can't straighten up. And the guy
games, and doesn't know who the
reft are until he gets on court—
which is rare—andfeelsthe three-
Bobby Knight—as reflected by the
reactions of his peers—is so aware.
eat for $3.00 and 25<P
who took my ticket at the counter
was the same guy who loaded my
second lane should be widened. And it's not just coincidence that
Coach Knight also said hefeltthat awareness and greatness take up the
drafts, plus hourly
baggage on the plane, and then end-
ed up tugging on his Eddie Ricken-
backer leather hat with the goggles
his next career would not have to be same number of letters on the writ-
competitive, and in addition, touch- ten page. • drink specials.
ed a little on the sweaters, the zones, They only thing I don't like about
as the pilot. I landed a 10:24 a.m. and the shoe contracts, athletes Bobby Knight being so good to me
and was picked up by Murray Bar- receiving some money, and the is that it seems I'm old. because he's Proper LD. will be required.
tow, a graduate assistant at Indiana always extra nice to old people...
and son of Gene Bartow, the head shooting ability of Steve Alford—
one of the greatest lights-out