NOTE the QUOTE!!!

Witty One Liners about Life

• "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway".

• "If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the
fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
• "Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought
was H20 Was H2SO4".
• "Life is sexually transmitted."
• "A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when he is
counting his blessings."
• "A hard thing about business is minding your own. "
• "A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the
children returned to school a few days later, one grade school
teacher asked her students whether they had used the time
away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little
girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
• "A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long
enough." ~ Benjamin Franklin
• "All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today
and yesterday.
• "Cats are designated friends."
• "About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves
the ends."
• "It is a good thing to learn caution from the misfortunes of
others."
• "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

Witty One Liners about Men

• "You can't belay a man who's falling in love." ~ Edward Abbey

• "An empty man is full of himself."
 • "A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item
he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she
doesn't want." ~ William Binger
• "The male is a domestic animal who, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things." ~ Jilly Cooper
• "Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman." ~ Maryon
Pearson
• "Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman."
• "I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported." ~ Mae West
• "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn't."
• "Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap."
• "Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better
than they think."
• "90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name."
• "Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-
it-yourself type."

Witty One Liners about Women

• "A woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from

achieving them". ~ Dumas
• "The great question... Which I have not been able to answer...is,
"What does a woman want?"." ~ Freud
• "I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason." ~
Stanley Baldwin
• "Whatever women do they must do twice, as well as men to be
thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." ~ Charlotte
Whitton
• "A woman is like a tea bag; it's only when she's in hot water that
you realize how strong she is." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
• "Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time." ~
Tallulah Bankhead
• "Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's
rested."
• "A man uses guns, knives, and explosives to get what he wants,
but a woman has some very special weapons of her own."
• "With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress."
• "When a man gets up to speak, people listen, the look. When a
woman gets up people look; then, if they like what they see, they
listen."