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I create ways of showing my complex thoughts and imaginations, so many different ways of showing it some would call a beautiful

creation. give me a pencil and paper and ill sketch you the landscapes of my image projecting thoughts, some insist what i make up wasn't or couldn't have been self taught. if you give me the paper but not something to write with, i fold it up origami style and present it to you as a gift. maybe in front of me lies a poster board on a desk, ill paint all the scenes that come to my head, most likely a beautiful sunset. last and most certainly not least to say, i write out poetry in a way my feelings and mind convey. all forms of art that i am and can be, im starting now on this journey to awaken the artist in me. ill master what's inside me that i know, and maybe ill take on and learn and create new things so that my mind may grow. i can do all this, because, I am the Artist Amnesic. I thought 2011 would be my year More happiness and a lot less tears It had to be better than 2010 Times of unhappiness when I was alone and afraid in the world Mixed up, confused and unheard And there was one thing that brought me back to earth And made me feel like I was of worth Do you know what that thing was? I find it funny now coz It was you that made me happy Now here I am feeling crappy You showed me the future, all bright and full You waved away my past, all dark and dull But what have I now to show My bank balance is really low That is all that is left of you Oh and the feeling blue I sifted through thousands of guys on plenty of fish But NONE of them were quite the wish It was you that caught my attention It was you that knew my intention I wanted to be with someone more than ever I had been alone for long enough And boy I found it tough This does not mean to say I was desperate and without delay I would get into a relationship without hesitation No, this was your presumption For a while things seemed dreamy You sang me sweet songs and made me feel needed We met twice for long weekends And I sensed you cared with your words and actions It felt safe in your arms Away from any harm You knew how I felt How your voice made me melt How could you say I deserved better? Surely you could see from my letter That you were the only one for me But my tears now fall in misery We shared our life stories, Passions, loves and goals Something which you don't find easy Now you know my secrets, it makes me feel queasy I once thought you could have been my Prince But I have been hurt a lot since When I was in hospital, it was you that made me laugh Even though being in there was really naff You lit up my depressed face All those feelings have gone, such a waste I feel pain now when I think of that time Because your voice is in my head, there to remind I remember your words fresh in my head I remember all of those things you said About when you were in foster care And you felt like jumping off the roof Well for my next line I have no proof

But you stopped me from harming myself, I swear So for that I thank you You got me out of that dark hole Maybe that was to be your only role Sent to me by my prayer But not to be my one true flare There were times since I met you Four long months ago That i felt so happy I couldn't bare to let you go But you gave a trillion reasons why you couldn't be with me And of those trillion, here are three You said my desperation for love was not appealing You said you didn't click or have enough feeling And then you met her, That's the big third Even after all those times we had Man you are a confusing lad You had been with her two weeks But it was me that you invited to stay at yours It was me that you slept with, not her I remember on Valentine's Day You were on exercise with the army And all your girlfriends were texting me I felt upset not to speak with you But they cheered me up with this fact There was a board up called 'thinking of' And on that wall was a picture of me I thought it was funny how they were all besotted With you and your body and had even plotted To spy on you in the shower But this plan was out of their power And guess what, you're not even talking to me now Even after all my 'Team Lucy' ploys It's time to find other boys Even though I gave you all that money Which you probably see as funny When i called you hundreds of times My main wish was to hear your voice Everyone will think I am crazy and foollish How can I still like someone who would do this? You made me feel powerles and upset I can never ever forget The fact that if my words had been different On that stupid night Where I couldn't stop talking or see what was right I threatened to tell your girlfriend youe secret But knew deep down I would have to keep it Every frickin' song reminds me of you Like I will follow you into the dark Memories of you singing it have left a mark Then there are the songs you made I can't let that memory fade I can barely contact you now I am sending this on your AOC! My hope has been diminished Team Lucy has completely finished Back to square one, back to the zone Of 2010, all lost and alone Hush... close your eyes and listen hear that sound your heart is missing hear as wind whispers your name know you not yet whence it came ? ... will you ever be the same ? wonder in the dark with awe wander slowly through your store - why not choose the open door ?

lost was life by keeping score came to naught by seeking more in this world you'll come to cry in yourself the answers lie live by love or else you die Everything is going crazy. Nothing seems to be right. All the things that have changed. So many things that are no longer the same. Wishing that everything would be what it should. But ending up with the inevitable. Everything is something more than it was before. And nothing is what we had originaly gone for. my presence.... my heart is pounding like its trying to find a way out of my chest. i try to calm down so i put my hand over my breast. counting 1,2,3's in my head trying to block you out as you slowly whisper in my ear. i turn my head and close my eyes only to open them again. my heart is starting to slow down. so i turn back around your looking into my eyes deeply that my heart begins to beat rapidly i try and keep my composure but i like the rush feeling you give me i like this feeling when your around me. this tingly feeling i get all up in my stomach i think im falling in love. but i wish i wasnt. all these feeling locked inside my heart when your in my presence... The Life I Was Living Was Moving So Fast Time Went By Now Seems Like Everything Is In My Past I Destroyed Friendships And Great Bonds For This Life I Amounted To Nothing While Living This Life I'm Book And Street Smart Nothing Could Stop Me But The Sounds Of A Girl Calling Saying "Come Sex Me" I Gave Up School Just To Live Wrong I Gave Up Hope Just To Write A Single Song I Have Been Over-Powered And Puppet Mastered For Several Years Time To Rewind Time And Prove That I'm Somebody To My Peers God Gave Me Talents And I Be Damn If I Don't Use Them You Are Who You Are....I Am Who I'm Suppose Be... Is The Only Person I Need The World To See Stop Comparing That's My Not Me That;s Just My Stage Name I Refuse To Live A Life That I Wasn't Suppose To Be Living The Things I Did In My Past Can Never Be Unforgiving So Chase Your Dreams Don't Chase Failure Cause Once You Fall Too Deep You Can't Escape The Fire Just Waiting For My Red bone Boo To Give Me The Chance I Got A lot To Prove To Be Considered Next This Life This Life It's Destroying My Personal Life I Can't Keep Basing Everything Off Prophetic utterances Spoken upon my heart That some day I will travel many lands Sit amongst the greats Shake many hands This gift shall make room Feasting at the round table Placed before rulers of men When it all started Everything took flight Up each and every night Sometimes very little sleep But I had a task at hand After all, this was predestined A miraculous turn of events to see This is greater than I could have ever dreamed Fast forward....... Thru the process So much stress Haters coming out the woodwork Many nights I labor, can't seem to get any rest My own worst critic, striving to be my very best Nowadays..... My ink has suffered

My life is falling apart piece bye piece losing one thing at a time, i keep telling my self it will get better it will. But as time go's on more falls apart, i have three weeks to weeks till i lose more people in my life and three weeks till my life comes crashing down, down to a point where i will have nothing , pretending will not work any more , well this is rock bottom cant get worse right? The sun beams through my window Lets me know to start my day The birds sing a melody Before they go their way I gaze outside Imagine the journey my day will bring The trees dance with the wind A single leaf begins falling Its lifted gently in the air And taken on a ride Wherever it is led, it goes Without effort it glides Over, under, around and down Never a boundary Must be nice to be released No feeling like being free Killing my nightmares I feel in a world that could feel like a cage I just sit in silence Instead of trying to escape I became crazy and started smiling Took a knife to the back when I turned around I held somebody close But I bled just enough to live, half man, half ghost And the dream is dark, into the dark I go You want me to be a monster and kill them? You want me to be the one with the blade? You want me to stand up and scream You begged for me to go into a rage Well, hand me the machete then right now Ill walk into the house and lay em down Bring you the head of every victim man, woman, child I will not deceive you said Ill Mom never leave you And since I cant see you Then Ill have to believe you Yeah Ive got a dream and Ive seen many many nightmares unfold But fear has no hold, on this dream that I control. So goodbye nightmares Bye bye nightmares Goodbye nightmares Kill my nightmare Walking among the living I am dead I'm drowned out by all the tears I've shed Bled through an open wound that never heals Trying to get a feeling for this life I live Floating on my own emptiness To the point of no return is within me As my eyes see the people that are full of devils juice Drunk from it Their tongues are loose Saying ill words to me, to whom ever These people have nothing to do better Needles pierce the veins of naive souls Penetrating into them venom of self control Poping pills day after day Trying to keep their depression at bay I shake my head and dare not say,,, You are wicked Hands clasped together as I pray Pray for the silence of these sinful lambs Getting rich from their greed And not getting prosecuted for their shams Stepping on toes that have already been broken Hopless are those that are starved and hoping A world of blindness though all have sight Look in a mirror there in no light Demons escape the domains of their freshly craving flesh

I sit here dead among the living and let the evil do the rest Why am I dead to the living Because I died with their sinning Conquerng all of nothing in many words of advice People closest tare at me like a doubled edge knife Ripping through my very existence and all humanity I have No longer possible to keep my head cool with a simple laugh You keep traveling in circles and you finally give up trying The ones that understand this death are so close to dying Why keep getting your head cut off or your throat slit? Why keep telling them truth when lust for evil is their fix This is our world and this is how we live Not caring for others taking back all that we give So I walk in silence And I shed no more tears As long as the living keeps believing I'm dead I shall have no more fears No one will want to take of me and from me No one will run over me for running from me No one will break my heart if it does not beat No one will argue with me if there's no one to defeat So I shall remain walking amongst the living But toward their iggnorant arrogance I am dead Going through the motions, The days aren't so bad, Work and crazy co workers keep the mind distracted Out to eat with some friends, Game 5 is huge, Cheers and jeers all around But like an angel in the night The silence creeps in Wanting to break down on every corner Trying to keep it together Nobody but can understand this feeling but him, But in the silence my heart reminds me he stopped caring months ago In the still of the night all I can do is cry Its not his fault that he stopped caring He just felt I wasn't the one Wanting to be mature about it now Because God knows I handled him letting me go horribly I don't know why it hurts so much Bothers me that it does Spent more time grieving the relationship Then actually in it Let me wrap this up Before I start crying at dinner Say a little prayer that I can make it through this Break ups are hard But even harder when you're still in love with your past Im so tired of trying... im so tired of trying to stop crying So tired of YOU crying... Im so tired of you crying from MY lying Im so tired of trying to get you to stop crying because you THINK im lying... As we're lying on the bed trying to talk instead... we're fighting to listen... Listen, I kno your tired, and im tired too so why don't we stop trying? Because I love you! You seem like you don't love me anymore.... You said.."your love is not enough I need more" But im sorry about before! Im not tired any more! Don't make me cry! im not lying anymore! Im trying to give you more! She said "its too late, my hearts too severely wounded from the war" Too many battles she's battered

Iv became no longer a factor The fact is, I gave her too much fiction And my continuous action made the ending an easy prediction Consequently the beginning of the benediction....of the relationship No more relations The feeling of elation gone To my own creation The realization hurts to the Point like sharp objects to a victim of death by penetration of the heart. Obvious infatuation for readers to understand the severity of the situation Clarity of the aspect of retrospect expected, but I did not expect the feeling of remorse to feel like an infection. To essentially experience a painful reflection of oneself is FAR from charity for the price of the clarity It hurts... Im tired of trying not to hurt her Im tired of trying to keep her I tried to right my wrongs So with this poem I write my wrongs Since...she's already gone. We live are death With every breath Even if it will kill we give in still She comes with many desgises, Coming in various colors and sizes, Being what ever you need her to be, How potent, Depends on the fee. Breaking her down, Pearling her up, Admire her beauty then light her up. With a taste thats mesmorizing, An arome thats hypnotizing, Breathe in deep shee'll HAVE you visuallizing, Time in your mind you'll never go back, She'll bring you back down, dont worry about that. But they say, Her influence is influencial, i say oh my i must be delusional. Darkness overwhelms Minds as night suddenly falls There is no return as i finishh off this bottle; i let it clear myy mindd - wishinn as it flow through my insidess - it heals myy painnn ; my body screamm your namee - & my heart diee slowlyy ; not knowinq why it ws rippedd too pieces - stompedd & beatenn - i thought for secondd it wouldd get a chance too breath ; BUT it wasnt lonq beforee it ws put out of its miseryy ; & whts so badd is i feel lost - becausee uu ws my sensee of directionn - but uu misquidedd me into misfortunee - my insidess beinq torturedd Please " uu can stop this painn -BUT you choosee not too . Whyy do uu keep me playinn your fool? I leave ; uu leavee - but at somee point we comee bck . With me thinking we ws on a new chapter - on a new roadd; But you knew it ws nowheree too qo . WHY did uu promisee me the moon & starss onlyy to knock me downn too the point i tastee dirt; whyy do uu sayy uu lovee me all the timee - maybee its just a overusedd linee , WHY couldnt uu js let her qo - for me ; for US . whyy thee hell is it so tough ? I mean uu sayy this & that. but nonee of it reallyy last . & whts so badd is i knew this from the start - i js couldnt walk away cuss uu havee a holdd on my heart -i feel likee i been doing this for too lonq - & all for what ? NOTHING - js for uu too continuee puttin fears in my heart over SOMETHINN uu can soothee - BUT you knw what im tiredd of cominn too uu w open armss & allowin my heart too be lead back too hell . I wish this thing wouldd stop beatinn alreadyy - CUZ i hatee the wayy i feel . Im in lovee with uu DONT uu caree - maybee not ;; Maybe i saw it wronq - maybe her heart is your homee & me - i js endedd up on the wronq door step Cant u feel it in the air? its almost time for u, 2 get away itll be coming anyday r u ready?

cant u feel it in the air? youve been here 4 many dayz, its time 2 get away its going 2 b okay I'm confused u say that your in love but your constantly abuised the relationship is a warzone where every battle you lose my question is r u alone? is this the one that you choose? you try to get away but he hits you hard when he doesnt kno where u r cuz he cant let u get to far praying to a God who lives hearing from beyond the stars waiting in anticipation 2 be rescued but it seems that change will not happen anytime soon until He comes ill hold out my hand quickly grab ahold and ill embrace ya i promise i will try 2 take you as far as i can making sure that punk never touches you again let me kno and ill be there anyday 2 help u get away Cant u feel it in the air? its almost time for u, 2 get away itll be coming anyday r u ready? cant u feel it in the air? youve been here 4 many dayz, its time 2 get away its going 2 b okay Two steps away from forgiveniss Three steps from my grave Four steps from the devil's door gotta stay on course) im runnin 4 my life (cant let nobody pass me by) determined to reach the goal in mind (cant let nobody pass me by) nd ima ride till i get it if i haf ta die ima get it (gotta stay on course)