Post-Breakup Do's and Don'ts By: Laura Schaefer Whether the breakup was a complete shock or long in the

making, chances are you are now left feeling less-than-great about it. And maybe you're harboring some p retty strange thoughts. Like, Should I cut my hair? Or, Should I give up all my worldly possessions and move to Tibet? All logical questions to entertain during this heart-wrenching phase. And yet, while certain impulses are healthy and pro ductive to pursue, others should remain in the realm of "what if?" if you know w hat's good for you. In case you're not sure which group your own whims fall into , check this list below for things the lovelorn should - and shouldn't - do. 5 Things You Should Do After a Breakup Purge Memories of Your Ex Out of sight, out of mind isn't just a cute saying, it's a crucial part of getti ng over your past relationship. Throw out anything that could serve as an unplea sant reminder, including photos and gifts (if they're expensive, give them away or store them in a closet until you can handle it). Delete that person's emails and number from your cell to head off an embarrassing drink-and-dial episode. Th e fewer memory triggers that surround you, the faster you can move on. Get a New Goal Newly single people often feel aimless and have hordes of time to fill what bette r opportunity to take on a challenge? It can be physical (triathlon training), c reative (art courses), or warm-and-fuzzy (volunteering at an animal shelter). Ha ving a purpose outside of yourself can snap you out of your woe-is-me mindset, a nd give you yet one more reason to jump out of bed in the morning. How's that fo r a speedy recovery? Head Out of Town A brief change of scenery could be just the thing to lift your spirits. Consider a journey to a place you've always wanted to see, whether it's a week of roughi ng it in the woods or a quick spa getaway on the beach. You'll be so stimulated by your new surroundings that stray memories from your relationship past are les s likely to intrude. Cultivate a New Crush Even if it's a meaningless, mini-infatuation with your Starbucks barista es absolutely nowhere, it can be just the thing to distract you during a ime. Not in the mood for butterflies just yet? Get in touch with someone have neglected lately, like your sister, parents, or an old high-school for some quality bonding. that go rough t you may friend

Celebrate Your Singledom It can be easy to see a breakup as a downer, but let's be honest here: If it was n't meant to be, you're much better off being free, don't you think? To emphasiz e that this is a good thing to have happened in your life, throw a cathartic "I' m Single!" party to kick off your newly-available status and move forward with a n attitude of relief rather than sorrow. and 5 You Shouldn't Indulge in Your Vices Too Much Don't get us wrong: A little ice cream and a few drinks are definitely in order, but not every night of the week. Think about it: If you completely give in to y our video game habit or start smoking like a fiend, you'll just end up feeling w orse. Focus on healthy distractions like exercise, socializing, and community in volvement. Drastically Change Your Look

Sure, it's always tempting to follow to a major life change with a major style c hange. But do you really want to grieve for both your relationship and your old hairstyle? There's nothing wrong with a little makeover, but give yourself some time before you go through with anything drastic. Calls to a plastic surgeon or the tattoo artist should not be happening now. Move to a New Place-Permanently While a brief change of scenery can be a good thing after a bust-up, a permanent move to a new city is probably going too far. After a breakup, you need your fr iends and the other steady parts of your life for comfort. If you jump ship comp letely, you might be left feeling very adrift. Talking About Your Ex Too Much Talking it out is one thing. Talking only about your ex for weeks on end is anot her. Obsessing about the past or indulging in spiteful thoughts will prevent you from moving on, and it will alienate your friends. To avoid going down this roa d, consider writing it down in a journal or meeting with a therapist. By confini ng your thoughts to the page or to a talk session or two per week, you'll be abl e to focus your other time on healthier plans. Stay Friends With the Ex Probably the biggest no-no of all. You're used to having each other for emotiona l support and companionship (not to mention sex), but if the breakup is for real , it is time to start moving on sooner rather than later. Jerry Seinfeld famously joked that it takes more than one push to get a soda machine to tip over, but a clean break is a better break. Turn to other people in your life after a relati onship ends-not to the ex.

Ladies, after a breakup we can do some pretty irrational things. Of course, men aren't immune to these pitfalls, but due to our emotional nature, we can be more susceptible to the crazy. However, to avoid future humiliation, here are a few tips from theBVX to help you keep your sanity. 1. Baby, I'm Begging The whole "he broke up with me out of the blue" speech is pure BS. Whether you n oticed or not, chances are your ex saw the demise of your relationship well befo re you did. Therefore, groveling before him won't change his mind. Despite what you think, desperation is never hot. Wipe the tears and snot off your face and w alk away with some dignity! 2. LOL :) 585Share Just because you can call, text, BBM, IM and e-mail anyone at anytime these days doesn't mean you've got the green light to do all of the above to your ex. Text ing him to say "I was just thinking of you" is no longer romantic or sweet, it's annoying --and stalker-esque. Do yourself a solid and avoid using your phone or computer when thoughts of your ex start bubbling over -- sober or drunk. 3. Computer Love

I don't know how many times I've heard the following: "So I was reading his stat us on Facebook today and he said ____ He's so talking about me." There's a reall y good chance you're off the mark or simply paranoid. Reading too much into some one's status will just make you crazy, and monitoring someone's every move can n ot only be exhausting, but torturous. If he's having a good day, you'll feel sli ghted; if you feel he's referencing you, you'll gain false hope. Either way you spin it, it's not a good look. 4. Breakup Sex We all know there's a window time after a breakup where sex with your ex is acce ptable (cue Ne-yo). It's only natural for you to still want to be physical with someone you've established a bond with; however, at some point, the loving becom es a really, really bad idea. If it's six months after your breakup and you're s till letting him hit that with no signs of a reunion, then you should probably c ease and desist. I hate to tell to you, but your "long history" does not make yo u immune to jump-off status. 5. Social Stalking "Oh my God, I didn't know you were going to be here." Girl stop! You've been wit h your ex for two years and can practically recite his daily routine in your sle ep, but now you're surprised to find him at the bar he frequents for happy hour? Awkward encounters with your ex aren't cool, they're just plain... awkward. Plu s, I highly doubt your ex will be nearly as excited to see you. To avoid looking crazy, you should refrain from showing up where you aren't wanted. 6. Friendly Fire YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX IF YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM! Too many po or souls have tried to be a guy's girl friend right after being his girlfriend, but forcing yourself to see someone platonically when they still have your heart is a lost cause. You're only setting yourself up for heartache when the reality hits that he doesn't see you the same way anymore. It's best to get over the pe rson completely before considering his friendship. 7. Ex to the Next For the females who choose to ignore my previous rule (because I know there will be plenty) and are determined to be friends with your ex, avoid asking him abou t his new dating/sex life. You do not want to know how many chicks he's slept wi th since you two broke up last month, let alone find out if he's seeing someone new. Trust me, it won't stop at one question, and you definitely won't like the answers. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Bonus: Can We Talk? He hasn't answered your calls, texts or e-mails, so you have this brilliant idea to surprise him at his place to talk. What the f--k are you thinking?!?! If he doesn't want to talk to you what makes you think he wants to see you? He's avoid ing you for a reason, so you should avoid making a fool of yourself. It will mos t likely lead to a verbal altercation and him reiterating the fact that he doesn 't want to be with you. Do you really need to hear that again?

Healing a broken heart from a lost love seems to be the most challenging venture one could imagine. A break up usually starts with a phase of paralyzing shock t hen turns into helplessness and deep grief. It appears impossible to ever be hap py again. Wouldn t it be good if there was a secret how to get over a break up? What if I told you that a break up or divorce is also a very good chance? Your o pportunity? Look into the abyss and see who you really are! Do you believe in th is? Well, I for one, I believe. Because it happened to me and I experienced it mysel f. "You don t know what love is Until you ve learned the meaning of the blues Until you ve loved a love you ve had to lose You don t know what love is" Chet Baker My own break up in 1998 was on the one hand the most terrible and painful incide nt that ever happened to me, again on the other hand, the very best that happene d to me. Sounds pretty paradoxical, huh? For now, I would like to ask you just to take my word for it and read on, you wi ll understand. The secret how to heal a broken heart didn t come to me just like that, nor have I read about it in a book or the like. As I have written on my about-me-page, I ve had a break up coach. Not a professional one. It was a very distant relative, wh o apparently called me out of the blue (today I know that it was no coincident a t all). He then introduced me to the two main concepts on how to heal a broken h eart. He by himself has had a terrible divorce before and some other terrible things a dditionally. The measures he took, the thinking he developed literally saved his life. Isn t it strange that each and everyone of us has had or will have a certain point in his life where he finds himself standing at a crossroad? Ok, maybe not that strange, that s how life works. Interesting though is why some take the way to the right and some to the left. Some recover very quickly from their break up or di vorce and have grown with that experience, others take many many years to recove r and after that they are not the person they used to be (in a negative way). At the time when I met him, I have had six terrible months behind me, full of se lf pity, tortuous pain, loneliness and infinite grief. I was past the first pain ful phases of a break up, but yet not ready to move on, to make the vital step t owards healing. At first I didn t want to meet him, I didn t want to meet anybody. But he insisted. This was my chance. We ve met in a coffeehouse. I ll never forget that. He had heard what happened to me from other people and after some chitchat the first question he asked me litera lly blew me away.

He asked me: "Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?" And this was it. So simple. Healing A Broken HeartIn my eyes it was her I needed so badly in my life to be h appy, to feel valuable. I held on to her to have a purpose, a meaning. I wasn t ha ppy on my own. It was she who made me going on, enduring myself. I absolutely di dn t love myself. Of course I couldn t think rationally at that time. But it was him who did the thi nking for me. He then explained his concept on how to get over a break up, how to lead a happy and fulfilling life and how to develop a stable personality. Healing a broken h eart was just a side effect of his concept. Extreme suffering during a break up is always a sign that your mindset towards l ife and your own person is not correct. The main two pillars of a stable personality and therefore the main premises for a happy life, so he told me, are: 1. Complete and unconditionally self-love 2. The very personal purpose in life Wow, that made an impression on me. Does this make sense to you? It took me some time to get it. Only if you love yourself completely and unconditionally, and this means to acce pt the way you are, your weaknesses and strengths, you can also love others. If not, everything you do is looking for approval in others. You will be looking fo r their light, instead of using yours. There are quite a few methods to work on self love. Some have been discussed her e and some will be discussed in future articles. They all have in common that yo u must take a closer look into yourself and accept what you see. Finding your in ner child and affirmations are very good ways to increase your self love. The second very important secret is to find your purpose in life and pursue it w ith all your heart. What s your purpose in life? Well, that s the tricky part. I can t help you much with that, that is something you have to figure out by yourself. I can only give you some tips on how to find it. There are some good books on that matter. Deepak Chopra wrote in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success that your ve ry purpose in life is your unique and very special talent. We have taken manifes tation in physical form to fulfill this purpose. He calls it "Dharma". Something , when you picture yourself doing it, your heart lightens up and you feel a warm feeling of happiness. When you combine your life purpose with service to humanity, then you make full use of the Law of Dharma. I second that. Find something you love and are passionate about, try to help other people with your talent and then simply be the best in it! There is no greater fulfillment t

han finding your life purpose and serving others. Then you will not only have your blueprint for a happy life, you will eventually notice that you have gotten over your break up or divorce on the way: How To Get Over A Break Up If you are suffering from a break up or divorce right now, I sincerely wish you that you will find your path and come to a higher understanding of your true Sel f. Only then you will be ready to find the partner you deserve. This is a small but vital fraction of the healing process. There are more things to consider especially in the first phases directly after a break up or divorce . Watch out for further articles on how to get over a break up on this site. Your friend, Eddie Corbano

7 Reasons Why You Should NOT Want Your Ex Back The urge to get your ex back is strong. Very strong. Almost throughout the whole recovery. I remember back after my own breakup when I felt that getting her back would put everything in order again. Restore my perfect world, heal my terrible pain inst antly. In the first few weeks, I tried really hard to convince her to come back and giv e us another chance. Unfortunately this was an illusion. She wouldn t give us another try, and today I know that even IF she had back then, it wouldn t have worked out. Impossible. Instead, I was forced to go through all the pain and suffering of being without her. But at the end of the road, I found something so profound something so valu able that it would affect my entire future life: Me. We HAVE to go through the pain, through the whole excruciating healing process, in order to heal, in order to deal with all our buried demons. We have to look i nto the deep abyss of our personality and find out who we really are. Only this will make us stronger and open the path to unconditional self-love. My advice to you is to make yourself go along this painful path, and to NOT try to get your Ex back. I know how this thought hurts, but it is something you have to face. To help you with that decision, I wrote a small report some time ago that I want to now share with you for free.

It s called: 7 Reasons Why You Should NOT Want Your Ex Back In this report I list the most important reasons why I think that getting your E x back is bad for you, and also the first 3 steps you should take to start your healing.

What Pain Has Taught Me The Hard Way I would like to share with you what I ve learned the last two weeks when I was tie d to a hospital bed in agonizing pain. I suffered for over 48 hours, from pain that was so overwhelming that all other reality was blurred out until an emergency operation finally saved me from madne ss. Pain so intense like that is absolute. It s all there is. Another reality, another existence. You are all physical. Nothing left of your spiritual part, so it see ms. In fact, I tried all of the meditation techniques I knew, (and I am quite experi enced with this), to get rid of the pain, but nothing worked. So finally I gave up and surrendered to it. Know what I m talking about? All there is, is pain You know in moments like that, all you want is this pain to stop you would do an ything, take any medication. And behind all that, like a lurking giant, is this fear, the defeating fear that the pain will never end, that it will go on foreve r. Unthinkable. Would this be the case, I would have to kill myself, so I thought. Luckily, this was out of the question, (as it should always be), because the operation set th ings back to normal. But what I experienced over those excruciating 48 hours, (besides that even the toughest narcotics had no impact on me), was something very interesting: I observed that there are actually two different persons in me. No, I m not going nuts, and I ve not developed a split personality. The power within us I actually observed that there was this one person that winded in pain like a wo rm, moaning over his terrible fate, and yet another one, a much stronger one. A personality, who doesn t seem to be impacted by the whole thing: An almighty obser ver inside of me.

I know, I know, this really sounds crazy. But it actually approves what I have read in many books: That there is a higher version of yourself inside of you. It goes from the bible, to Freud, to The Secret .

A higher version of ourselves with the power of self-healing. This was not the first time that I noticed the presence of this part of me, (and it WAS a part of ME). At times through a stroke of fate, when life really hit m e hard there it was, watching, observing, not judging, as it was sucking up life in all its facets. I leave it to you how to call this part of you, if you WANT to give it a name, ( and I know everyone of us has it inside of themselves, and its own definition if aware of it). I am certain that this part of me could have healed me completely in a second, i f only I had known how to make use of it. I m sure that there are people in the world who know how to do this. The internet is full of stories of spontaneous healings, and only heaven knows how much of th em happen every day without anybody knowing about it. All I know for now is that it s there. What I ve learned What I ve learned in this two weeks is that no pain lasts forever, be it physical or emotional pain, and that we have the power in our own hands to heal ourselves , (of course, I knew all of this before, but an experience like this brings it m ore close to you). To self-heal emotional pain that is torturing us, for example after a break up o r a loss, seems much easier and there are many ways to approach this, (just take a look around this site). To self-heal physical pain and diseases just by altering your state of mind seem s to be A LOT more complex and is something humanity has yet to learn. But, in what I absolutely believe in, is that we alone create our reality. And t hereby will our inner emotional conflicts manifest themselves as illnesses. A lo gical conclusion here is that by solving these emotional conflicts, you can heal the illness. All you would have to do is to get to the emotional core of this illness, resolv e it and it will vanish. There are really many books on this topic, which give a greater insight. The book that comes to my mind first is, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay, which is really a great book. Louise Hay healed herself from cancer by realizing her deepest emotional pain, her hatred against her father. So, if you happen to be in emotional or physical pain, look out for that observer in you he might help you. almighty

Some day we all WILL realize that to heal ourselves we do not have to go to a do ctor, the power is already within us.

Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when the doctors cured you recently from killing pain. If you have had similar thoughts or experiences or book recommendations on this matter, please feel free to share them in the comments section. Thanks. Your friend, Eddie Corbano

Getting Over A Break Up

The Final Chapter

In my work with people who suffer from a break up or divorce there is one questi on which is mostly asked first: How long will it take to get over it? How long w ill the pain last? Even I asked this question many years ago. I waited two and a half years for tha t answer to come. It was then I realized what the final chapter in getting over a break up was. I know how it feels. Sometimes it seems so unbearable that you cannot imagine your life ever to be ha ppy again. I will tell you something that you already feel is true inside of you , but your analytic mind doesn t allow you to acknowledge: You will be happy again . And if you take this challenge, you will be much stronger than you were before . I ve been there. You must look at this terrible experience as an opportunity, only then you will have the right mindset to from upon it. I know that it is very difficult to get into that state and it may take you some time. But when you actually understand, the healing will begin. Unfortunately, many do not look at this the way I do. They try to get their Exes back or jump into another relationship right away. They would do anything to st op the pain. Isn t this understandable? Don t try to get your Ex back Sure, this may help for some time, but eventually this will get back to them wit h much harder intensity. Because the problem is buried deep inside and it will n ot go away if you mask it or ignore it. Why do many people betray themselves for the chance to learn and grow from this devastating experience? The answer is of course because it costs them too much. It s too expensive, too damn hard and too alluring to take the easy way. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them. Shakespeare s Hamlet So, what is the final chapter of getting over a break up?

When you heal from a relationship break up you have to go through the following four phases: 1. Acceptance: Your partner is gone and he/she won t come back 2. Depression: You have to face the pain and all the negative emotions 3. Independence: You have to learn to live alone 4. Reopening: You have to learn to open up to other people and to a new relat ionship again Everyone has to go through this steps. The two secrets on how to get over a brea k up are only an additional help, there is no healing without going through thes e steps. The last chapter of the healing process therefore appears to be to prepare and a ctually step into a new relationship. But if you want to do this the right way, there is yet another step before that. One of the greatest problems, before you can really open up to other relationshi ps, is your attitude towards your Ex. It happens very often that you idealize yo ur Ex, remembering only the positive aspects about your former relationship, but completely dismissing the negative ones. You have put your Ex on a pedestal This can cause pretty much damage in your upcoming new life. What you then have to do is to kick your Ex from that pedestal. In order to do so, you have to face him/her again. I know this is a big one but very necessary. This is the only way to set the image right again and only when you pass this last test, then you ll know that you are over him/her. This is the last chapter in getting over a break up. I am well aware that this is difficult and to a certain degree a risk. If you do this too early, for instance in phase 2, this may throw you even deeper into de pression. The final test Take this as the final test to see if you are ready to move on. How long will it take for you to reach this level? It really depends on your abi lity to accept and let go. I ve seen it happen after 6 months, then again it may t ake up to 3 years. The deepness of your relationship is also a decisive factor. But please, don t look at this in terms of time. It takes as long as it takes for you to heal to a new person. It s a path you consciously have to choose. I m here to help you along this path. As always, if you have questions, I m there for you. All the best, Eddie