Running Head: COUN 603 PRACTICUM COUNSELING REPORT

A Summary on Couples Practicum for COUN 603 Lynda Gonsalves Liberty University

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A Summary and Personal Thoughts on Couples Practicum for COUN 603 In embarking on the three session practicum, the idea was to gain practical experience of premarital and marital counseling. The first session set the foundation and got the clients familiar with me as the counselor and vice versa. In the second session, the results of the PAIR2 test were reviewed which allowed the couple to share stories and concerns. The third and final session was a wrap up. It gave a quick look of where do we go from here and what the clients learned from their experience. Following is a more in depth look at the practicum. Summary of Session 1 The first session took place on June 3, 2011 at 6:00 p.m. at the clients home. This couple was found through my wedding planning business, Weddings R Us of Florida, LLC. I usually place flyers in various places but got a call from a flyer I placed in my friends beauty salon. As I receive this call for wedding services for a November of this year. I told the couple that I am also a professional counseling major in a masters program taking a premarital & marital counseling course and would like to have then agreed to some counseling sessions, they said yes. We made our introductions acknowledging the wedding planning and premarital sessions then the male introduced me to his fianc. We talked about their future wedding plans, but I quickly transitioned into the counseling sessions. Next, I presented them with the informed consent paper. I used the template provided by COUN 603. I told the couple that I was a graduate counseling student at Liberty University and that I was doing these three sessions as a requirement for my premarital and marital counseling class. I made it clear that their identities would be kept private; that the information would be read by my class and professor but there would be no identifiers. Next, I explained the benefits and risks that might arise during or after the sessions. They both seemed very receptive to the

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counseling sessions, and were hoping the sessions would help their relationship, mostly positively than negatively. I told them about the voluntary nature of the counseling and participating in the PAIR2 testing. I assured them that, if they decided to continue or not, it would not affect their relationship with me or with the university. In closing this portion of the session, I told them if they had any questions or concerns either during the sessions, between sessions, or after the conclusion of the sessions, they should feel free to contact me. If a referral needed to be made (for the comfort of the clients) and further counseling was pursued, it would be at the cost of the clients. My couple understood and agreed to the consent form, they signed the form. This couple was interesting as a practicum assignment. Initially, they appear as a sweet, young couple working on their lives together. This was a young interracial couple that was in their early twenties. They both go to college; he was about to graduate with an AA in Culinary Arts. She is expecting their first child. They began by talking about how they meet their wedding plans, that including getting married after the baby was born and at least three-four months old. But soon after, I asked how they felt about the session; what are the expectations and what the problems in the relationship are. The guy said he was glad to have me help them because they are in need of some type of help for their relationship. They both did agree that the relationship needed help. The lady stated that he never spends time with her, he always analyze everything she says, he tries to tell her want to do. He answered that he does these things because she does things behind his back, she talks about him bad to her parents and siblings and that she doesnt appreciate him. He also stated he do not trust her because of this. I asked what their religious preferences were, the lady said she is not that religious but she believes in GOD because of what her grandmother taught her when she was younger. The

COUN 603 PRACTICUM COUNSELING REPORT guy said he is a believer and that he prays every day. They did not take the PAIR test yet, so I

explained that it is very important to have this test done in order for me to learn which areas they would need help with. They agreed to take the test on Saturday. They also appreciated me coming to see them and the guy said hope this would help their relationship. The lady then stated no he does not, he do not trust me so he does not love me. He then stated that she is the one that always says she is going to leave and go back to her parents. I intervened again and referenced the How to Communicate Better acrostic from the Worthington Jr. Book. I read from this section and gave them the LOVE acrostic and told them to practice using it to better their communication skills. I also took with me a copy of the Rubins (1973) Love and Liking Scale and asked them to rate from 1-10 each question. I also reminded them to take the PAIR test and that our next session will be next week Wednesday, June 8th and that we will review the results from the test and progress they have made. I really hope this communication skill homework will help them at least, even if its not much. I look forward to seeing their results from their Love Like Scale Rating and PAIR test and cant wait to analyze it. I am trying to be very hopeful for their relationship, especially when a baby will be involved, but I am not sure their relationship will work unless they seek further counseling. I did pray for them before and after the session to myself. I am clueless as to how they will score on the test. We spent most of the time walking through their relationship from beginning to current time but as the session wound up, I explained the PAIR2 test. I told them how to log on to the site and take the test. I explained that it was a compatibility test and that I had been educated online to administer, score, and interpret the compatibility assessment. I told them we would

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review the results at the second meeting. Dynamics that I noted during the session were that they seemed distant from each other. The both of them were very defensive, argumentative and needed help with communicating their feelings or thoughts. After this first session, I felt more comfortable and relaxed. I thought that it went well while I did feel like they were able to say things they may have not otherwise and get help by using the communication homework. This assignment made my drive to become a counselor even more so exciting. Spending months reading and writing about being a counselor can take away the joy of it but this assignment refreshed my drive for the profession.

Summary of Session 2 Session two took place on June 10, 2011 at 6:00 p.m. at the couples home again. Their home had a few friends over so they told their friends they would have to leave and come back later. As we settled into the session, I asked about taking the PAIR test and if the communication homework helped. I told them I wanted to know why they felt that things are not going the way they should without blaming each other but by saying something that the individual was doing wrong or not doing at all. I had decided before the session that I would (and could) talk about any underlying issues that may have caused their problems. I felt that this could be very important for them. We switched to the topic of the upcoming baby. I asked if they felt this baby would help their relationship. The lady said she felt happy about the baby and cannot wait. Her fianc did not sound so excited. Because of time constraints and because I did not know how to delve deeper, I did not follow up on other matters. They both admitted that they did not want to conceive so quickly into the relationship and made a mistake; that they are still adjusting to the

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idea of having a baby so young and unprepared. In asking how they were dealing with this unexpected pregnancy, they had no real answer but that they have to get ready. I think they are scared and happy and I do think this is an indication of future trouble, even though I hope not. We then began to look at the PAIR2 test results. They are as follows: Dominant Leadership (DL)/Dependent Suggestibility (DS): Female 6/2, Male 4/6 This is an opposite/balanced trait. She is a bit higher in DL and he is a bit higher in DS. This makes them compatible because he is a little happier to follow while she is happier to lead. Aggressive Hostility (AH)/Submissive Passivity (SP): Female 3/3, Male 4/5 This is also an opposite/balanced trait. However, the clients do not cross (like on the profile page). The female is in the average-low average range on both and male is average on AH with a higher score on SP. This means that neither one is looking for a volatile relationship but he is more passive than she. Nurturant Helpfulness (NH)/Psychological Support (PS): Female 7/6, Male 9/7 Again, in this last opposite/balanced trait, the couple does not cross. They are both higher in NH and slightly lower in PS. This means that both want to provide support while feeling less needy for psychological support. This is more positive than if both partners needed PS and the other did not have high levels of NH. Self Acceptance (SA)/Self Rejection (SR): Female 6/5, Male 7/6 This is the first on the individual scale meaning that each individual score is looked at separately, not compared to the spouse. Both scored high average on SA. This is a good quality which shows high self-esteem and an optimistic outlook on life. This conflicts somewhat with the females lower self-esteem due to issues with her father from childhood.

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Physical Affection (PA)/Emotional Control (EC): Female 5/3, Male 7/6 These results were more difficult for me to interpret. This indicates that he enjoys kissing and touching in public more than she. At the same time, his EC is in the high average range and she is in the low average range. The best assessment I can make is that she is more controlled with her emotions but she enjoys displays of emotions in the people in her life. Change and Variety (CV)/Order and Routine (OR): Female 7/7, Male 6/7 The results for these traits are almost the same for the male and female. This scale is an alikeness scale so that is a positive result. This indicates that they both enjoy having adventure in their lives. Also, as they both scored in the highest high average in OR, they like to be organized and have structure. Esthetic Pleasures (EP)/Social Extraversion (SE): Female 4/6, Male 3/2 This is the second alikeness scale. Low scores for both in the EP show that they are not interested in activities that involve fine arts and culture. The female scored much lower (low average) in SE than the male who scored in the high average. She did admit that, while she enjoys being with friends, she loves to be at home working. Intellectual Rigidity (IR): Female 4, Male 7 This is an individual score which shows how flexible a person is in their thinking. The male is in the high average which shows that he feels that his thinking in matters is correct and it would take much proof to convince him to change, if it would even be possible. The female, who is in the average range, is more flexible. She would be more open to change but only if there is reasonable proof of why to make that change.

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Social Status (SS): Female 3, Male 7 This is an alikeness scale. The males scores higher for SS which indicates that he is striving for higher standing in social networks. She, on the other hand, does not see the need to have things to make her happy. Family Cohesiveness (FC): Female 3, Male 6 This is an alikeness scale that shows a strong support for family values. Because of the females background, she is lower in valuing FC while the male is in the average range. He holds more esteem for FC. Monetary Concern (MC): Female 3, Male 7 MC is an alikeness scale that reflects a concern for money management. The male has a high average score for this meaning that he is more conservative with money and sees it as a medium that provides security. The females low score indicates that she is not as conservative. Political Conservatism (PC): Female 8, Male 7 This alikeness scale measures the trait for how the participant views government. With both of them scoring in the high to high average range, they have strong views about government involvement in their lives; they are extremely moralistic. Outdoor Interests (OI): Female 5, Male 5 In this final scale, which is also an alikeness scale, the love of activities outdoors is measured. The clients both scored the same, in the average range. In session, they talked about going, walking, and working out of doors. Overall, the session went well. Near the end, the female admitted that she would like to work on being more respectful and/or submissive to her husband. She said that she would think about it and what it means to her and their relationship. I asked them to both think about this

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session, think about any questions they may have or concerns about the PAIR2 test. After the session, I pondered how it had turned out a bit differently than I expected. I did not believe they would open up about their relationship or personal problems and how its affecting them. Also, I did not expect the male to share that he had difficulty being in a serious relationship. He said that he still has days that he struggles to be in a family. He had been single for all his life and free to do what he wanted. I wish that I had more to explore and develop his feelings in order to work on this issue. I also wish I could spend time walking them through acceptance and healing of their relationship. Summary of Session 3 Session three took place on June 15, 2011 at 2:30 p.m. at the couples home. As we began the session, I asked the couple if they reviewed the PAIR2 profile and if they talked about it. They said that they did not look over the profile page but that they did talk about the last session. They said that they came to the conclusion that they were going to work on communicating and listening to each other. This was said in a light-hearted fashion. The lady said that they enjoyed the process and it reminded them of the brief beginning of their relationship. The male agreed and said that it brought back happy memories. Though we have trod through some difficult issues, overall they seem to be content and increasing their level of communication. I asked the female about how she worked on her level of respect for her mate. She said that she really did change the way she spoke to him, somewhat. She said that before she would say something hurtful, she would think how she felt if her mate said it to her. I felt pleased that something useful happened in our brief time together.

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I asked them if they had any questions about the previous session or anything they would like to add. The male fianc asked if there was any way I could help his mate have less stress over the issues with her mother and father. I thought it was sweet that he did not ask to have her stop complaining about it; his concern was for her happiness. To conclude the session, I asked them where they wanted to go from here. Naturally, they said they want to be good parents. The lady said that she will continue to work on speaking more respectfully and the male said they he will work on spending more time with the family. I told them I encourage them to get further counseling with another therapist and parenting classes to prepare before the baby come, she is due in July. In this session, the couple had a different dynamic. The female was tired because she has not been able to sleep comfortably. The male seemed more intent on getting his mate to come to terms with her mother leaving her in foster care and her father being abusive. With more sessions, I think some additional forgiveness and peace could be accomplished. Overall, they both want the same thing for their baby and make compensations for what they view as the others lack. I do hope they will continue therapy before marriage. I do think the baby will bring added stressors to their relationship but, since they stated that they are willing to work thing out, I think they will work through it. The termination process was relaxed. I believe a proper therapeutic relationship was developed. However, with only three sessions, there was not a deep level of interaction therefore the couple was not emotionally strained by the termination. They thanked me for the sessions and said they were happy to walk through it with me. I thanked them for helping me with my assignment. I asked them to contact me if they wanted any reading material for their concerns or for a referral.

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Practicum Summary My reaction to the couples counseling experience overall is positive. I thoroughly enjoyed getting a chance to work in this setting. I was pleased that I remembered some of the techniques I have learned; they seemed more natural. I was also pleased to learn about my weaknesses in the counseling setting. Learning about areas that need improvement is also an important part of becoming better. If we do not learn these things about ourselves, there is no way to grow. I noticed that the therapeutic relationship can be developed very quickly; that being empathetic and listening actively helps the client(s) feel free to open up. At least, that is my experience from this practicum. I did reach some personal awareness of my own countertransference and fears. I do not think I fully understood countertransference until this assignment. When this occurred in at least three of the topics (the wifes difficulties with her mother and father, and the husbands struggles with living in a family unit), it gave me the opportunity to explore why I was counter transferring. I started taking inventory of my thoughts and feelings on these issues. What I learned from this experience is that I love being able to help people in a counseling setting. Spending so much time reading and writing to earn the degree can be discouraging; this assignment was reinvigorating. I learned that, given time and a listening ear, people will remove their faade and share some of their deepest pain. And, I can walk through that with them if I put aside my fears. I learned that I have learned much in this program but still have much to learn. I learned that I wanted to go deeper with this couple in order to help them live in fullness. I learned that I am exactly where God wants me to be.

COUN 603 PRACTICUM COUNSELING REPORT Reference Miller, R., & Perlman, D., & Stephens-Brehm, S. (2007). Intimate relationships (4th ed.) New York, New York: McGraw-Hill. Worthington, E. L. (2005). Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy. (Rev.). InterVarsity Press.

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