If you enter a region, ask what its prohibitions are; if you visit a country, ask what its customs

are; if you cross a family s thresholds, ask what its taboos are.
Confucious Li Ji (The Book of Rites), circa 500 B.C.

Families are sacred creatures. They grow, they expand, they love, they cry, they need nurturing and they need community. It may seem at times that they scatter and begin lives of their own without the merest inkling that they are part of a larger organism that misses and yearns to know that they are okay and desire to remain connected. Thus the idea of a family reunion creates excitement, revives memories, evokes passions, and spurs yearning of days gone by, and anticipation of updates stirs the heart and fuels the energies needed to accomplish the feat of gathering in one place to celebrate! August is traditionally the month for Family Reunions. The weather is the most promising, summer classes are waning, work schedules are less demanding, travel is easier, and it is the only month left in the year which does not contain a holiday and so the reunion in itself becomes the reason for gathering!But, it is not easy to gather and expect a completely stress free environment! Generations of customs and traditions are often so watered down that the origins are frequently lost or so muted that behaviors and actions expected by one group may be mistaken as disrespect by the next. A story is told of a young lady who sat watching her mother prepare a traditional Sunday ham. After her mother gently patted seasoning over the meat and then proceeded to cut two inches from each end before placing it into the baking dish. Mother, the young lady asked, why do you cut the ends off of the ham? Her mother thought for a minute and replied, I really don t know dear, I suppose it cooks faster and makes it more flavorful because that s the way my mother always prepared it. She s out front, let s ask her . Mother and daughter proceeded out front and asked the Grandmother, Why is it necessary to cut the ends off the ham . Grandmother replied. I am not sure, I always used the extra in stews and soups, but it s the way Mother always prepared it. Now, the young lady was very intrigued and ran inside upstairs to wake her Great-Grandmother. Granny, she began breathlessly, why do we cut the ends of the ham? Does it improve the flavor, make it cook faster, or is it just so we can use the extra meat in the stews and soups? Her Granny looked at her and stated, I m not sure why everybody else does it, but I didn t have a pot big enough to fit the whole thing. Some traditions are equivalent to the Chinese s guanxi which roughly translates as a network of connections, i.e., your position in the family hierarchy. Tackling family traditions is easier if we remember a few rules of family protocol and etiquette. OneEvery generation has a tradition. Two-Every tradition has an inherent level of respect both for its origin and its fulfillment. Three-The first generation to observe a tradition will bestow the most significance to it and each successive generation will modify it to fit their personal beliefs and/or generational norms. Fourth Every tradition has or had a protocol and etiquette value attached to its origin. Even if we are attending to fulfill a sense of obligation , some protocols like respectfully acknowledging the family elders should never wane or change with time. Most items are simply matters of proper etiquette such as sending an R.S.V.P. (with the requested and correct funds!), providing an accurate head count; being on time for planned activities; keeping track of your own children, socializing with everyone, and sending prompt notes of appreciation to the organizers and hosts. Afterwards, ask permission before you air the family laundry via electronic media. Think twice before you post and tag the picture of Cousin

Taylor in their underwear, congratulate Kelly on the new family addition or settle an argument via Facebook! Above all else, remember the words of Shirley Abbott, author of The Bookmaker's Daughter and Love's Apprentice, We all grow up with the weight of history on us. Our ancestors dwell in the attics of our brains as they do in the spiraling chains of knowledge hidden in every cell of our bodies. Reunions carry on the traditions that are the foundations of a civil society and will continue to exist as long as there are families. Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future. ~Gail Lumet Buckley