CODEPENDENT OF THE CHEMICALLY ADDICTED

This is a Christ centered group for women in recovery from past or current relationships with a chemically addicted person. This relationship can consist of a spouse, sibling, child and/or parentcurrently or in the past. One of the keys to success in this recovery program is the coming together of people with similar backgrounds who also have common goals and objectives. We may share the following experiences: 1. Have been hurt or embarrassed by an addicts behavior. 2. Tell lies to cover up for someone elses drinking/use of drugs. 3. Have a need for perfection. 4. Feel more alive in the midst of a crisis. 5. Feel like a failure because we cannot control the drinking or the use of drugs by the addict. 6. Have money problems because of someone elses addiction. 7. Feel that if the addict cared about us, he or she would stop drinking/using. 8. Constantly seek approval and affirmation. 9. Have trouble with intimate relationships. It is our goal to gain freedom from releasing the addict and finding wholeness and healing for ourselves through the 8 principles and 12 steps of recovery. We will also gain encouragement from the group and find peace, strength and grace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the addict is still drinking/using or not.

Problem
If you are wondering if there is a chemical addiction in your family, ask yourself the following questions: Do you lose sleep because of someones drinking or use of drugs? Do you think a lot about problems that arise because of that persons drinking or using? Do you ask for promises to stop drinking or using? Do you make threats? Do you have increasing bad feelings toward the person? Do you want to throw away his or her liquor or drugs? Or hide it? Do you think that everything would be okay if the drinking or using situation changed? Do you feel alone, rejected, fearful, angry, guilty, exhausted? Are you feeling an increasing dislike of yourself? Do you find your moods changing as a direct result of his or her drinking or using? Do you try to deny or conceal the drinking or using situation from friends or family? Do you cover for and protect the person? Do you feel responsible and guilty for the drinking or using behavior? Are you beginning to withdraw from friends and outside activities? Have you taken over responsibilities that used to be handled by the other person? Are there arguments because too much money is spent on drinking or drugs? Do you find yourself trying to justify the way you feel and act in reaction to the drinking or using behavior?
Do you have any new physical symptoms like headaches, indigestion, nausea, shakiness? Do you feel defeated and quite hopeless?

If you have identified with any of these listed, please continue to join us Friday night in our womens group for Codependent of Chemically
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Addicted. Here you will find support, understanding and freedom!

The Problem
Many of us blame ourselves for the addicts behavior: If only I were prettier, thinner, a better parent, a better wife, or a better daughter. We give in to the addict only to lose ourselves in the process. Some of us ignored or did not recognize the signs that the addict was living a secret life. Many of us blame the addict and their behavior for every problem in our relationship(s) or life circumstances. We believe that if they would only change or if they would not drink or use so much, everything would be fine. We have tried to control the addicts behavior. We have sometimes pretended to family and friends that everything is wonderful. We have been unforgiving and sometimes punishing toward the addict.
To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. Having an over-developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.

We became dependent personalitiesterrified of abandonment willing to do almost anything to hold onto the relationship. These symptoms of the family problem of addiction made us co-victimsthose who take on the characteristics of the addict without ever taking a drink or drug. As a result, we confused love with pity and tending to love with those we could rescue.

The Solution
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We have come to realize that we could not control the addicts behavior. We understand that our problems are emotional and spiritual. We have become ready to face our denial and accept the truth about our lives, and our past issues. We realize that blaming ourselves, trying to control the addict and/or ignoring their behavior along with refusing to set and uphold our own personal boundaries releases the addict from their own responsibility and consequences. We are ready to accept responsibility for our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives. We realize we are not responsible for their addiction or recovery. It is not our job to cure them. We are willing to find healthy ways to release our fears and anger.
We realize our group provides a safe place to share our fears, hurt or anger and also is a place to rejoice in victories. We have become willing to face our own defects and work through these feelings in our group. We are willing to take the focus off the addict and focus on God and our own thoughts and feelings. We find recovery through:

Committing to Jesus Christ and the 8 Principals of recovery Forming an Accountability TEAM: Sponsor, Accountability Partners Weekly attending our Womens Open Share and Step Study Group Committing to a daily quiet time in the Bible Reading about this area of recovery Understanding the root of each core issue you identify with and become willing to experience grief, forgiveness, and acceptance.
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Definition of Sobriety
In order to change, we cannot use the addict as an excuse for continuing our own behaviors. We are ready to accept responsibility for our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives. THEREFORE, our groups definition of recovery is to grow towards facing our own denial and accept the truth about our lives, and our past issues, to become willing to face our own defects and take the focus off the addict. We will also allow ourselves to feel our feelings, to accept them, and learn to express them appropriately. When we have begun those tasks, we will try to let go of our past and current circumstances and get on with the business of our life.