Mark Martin Destroys The NASCAR Corporate Sponsor Limited Longevity Experiment.

As I watched quite possibly the dullest race in the NASCAR schedule Saturday night, the snoozefest that occurred around Mark Martin s domination of the event took nothing away from his victory, but it sure as heck wasn t for trying. I don t know what the rest of you thought about the race .but to be honest with you, there were two races held at Phoenix that evening; Mark Martin s run, and .everyone else s. The rest of the race away from Martin simply was quite possibly one of the biggest duds in NASCAR history, well, with what could be seen of it around the bazillions of sponsor messages. I might sound harsh, and a bit of a cheerleader for Martin .but I simply didn t give a flying snickerdoodle about what else went on around the track. In fact, I was pondering whether or not I should whip out my Harry Potter-Edition curses and hexes spell book, or Brian France-Edition Voodoo doll, and do something, anything, just to make sure that the cameras focused on Martin. Why was I so obsessed with Martin winning the race? Because I think that both NASCAR and the corporate idiots that sponsor the teams have shafted good drivers in favor of young drivers. As cheap as it sounds, I think Martin winning the event was a sort of sticking it to the Man moment, never mind I wish that everyone that I ve ever heard say it would end up with a produce truck landing on them the moment after uttering so stupid of an utterance. Yeah, Mark Martin is driving for the best-funded mega-team in NASCAR right now. And I really share no love for the guy who owns Hendrick Racing. However, Mark Martin is the only recognized old man in the sport right now; Everyone else of any note above the age of 40 is hardly ever mentioned, nor do they have a full schedule on a prominent team. Is it due to lack of ability? No. What s the problem, then? The problem is the marketing division of both NASCAR and its sponsors. Think about basic marketing for a moment. If you can t get more business from a set amount of customers, increasing the dollars spent by those same customers, what do you do to get more sales of your product? Why, you start marketing to kids. Want proof? NASCAR and Fox Sports is (mistakenly) convinced that the older fan demographic is locked up tight, so Digger was foisted upon the fans in order to generate more interest in NASCAR from the kids watching at home. Excellent idea?

Not. NASCAR seems to forget that kids don t want to watch three-chicken-bucket-long auto races. I have four kids .not a single child wishes to watch an entire race with me, much less 10 minutes of it. And every one of them pointed and laughed at the Digger character when it appeared, much like how NASCAR fans would point and laugh at a NASCAR official being pushed down a flight of stairs. You don t really want to laugh at another s misfortune, but in some cases, it s too funny not to laugh at. The problem here is that while children may laugh at Digger, what NASCAR doesn t realize is that the kids, just like their annoyed parents, would love to see Bill Murray set off two tons of TNT and blow Digger into his component atoms. That is why my kids are interested in Digger, he s become the new Looney-Tunes version of Wile E. Coyote, but nobody feels sorry for Digger after he s been blown into smithereens. Digger is simply yet another marketing tool to bring more kids of all ages into the sport of NASCAR, and get more money from them in the process. Think about it a moment; ever notice how much younger the drivers keep getting? Joey Logano looks like my next-oldest son out there, someone I would normally be cracking peach-fuzz jokes about, and I m having a hard time taking Logano seriously. Yes, I know he can drive .but if you throw enough money at a kid s racing career , I bet I could have been a pretty good driver at age 18, also, had my parents had the resources to put me in race cars from the age of 5 until I became an adult. Here s the problem; I m having a hard time taking any of the kids in NASCAR seriously. While I don t begrudge a parent investing heavily into a child s career (it s your job as a parent), I really sometimes get the feeling that certain parents live out their childhood .through their own children. I think something is lost when a child s only sense of struggle is whether or not he wins a race, or comes in second. Not to get off track here, but not only have the older drivers been shafted, the older fans have been screwed, as well. Has anyone ever thought to examine the psychological implications of replacing a favorite older driver with some young punk ? How many older people reading this have been replaced at their jobs by someone half of their age? And how many other people live in fear of being replaced by an unskilled kid? Hey, I just got replaced at my blanket-blank job by some half-wit 18-year-old who doesn t have a bit of experience and who doesn t have the slightest idea as to what he s doing, oh, and look, Tony Stewart just got replaced by an 18-year-old who doesn t look like he knows what he s doing, either! Didn t I turn on NASCAR to escape from this sort of real-life crap??? How many people look at drivers like Bill Elliott, or Kenny Schrader; drivers who have been passed over simply due to age .how many look and say; That could be me . Think of the older airline pilot who recently set down the airliner in the Hudson river .that guy is approaching mandatory retirement age, yet he pulled off a feat that only someone possessing years of experience or sheer stupid luck could have accomplished.

But NASCAR and their corporate shills have done their absolute best to quietly institute its own version of mandatory retirement , with Mark Martin somehow slipping through the cracks. Martin looks like a shriveled up prune due to his extensive exercise regiment, but at the same time, for some strange, odd reason, his age and calm demeanor somehow produces a feeling of respect that somehow escapes me with the younger bunch out on the track. I have a lot of books at home. I m a bit of a reading nut, and I enjoy reading about past champions of all types of motorsports. One thing I noticed is that there aren t really a whole lot of youngsters in the history books. The vast bulk of these former driving stars? Their careers seemed to peak in their 40 s. And if one takes a look at other current racing series, there are still a lot of older drivers on the bestfunded of teams, and gee, nobody is complaining about it. Heck, I think Paul Newman and the rest of his team won his class at the 24 hours of Daytona somewhere in his late 60 s, if I recall (no, I don t have the exact race name or date handy). And then we come to NASCAR. Mark Martin is the only aged star still driving a full-time gig. That he won at age 50 seemed to be such a shock to the bulk of the motorsports reporting world, with reporters having to check with statisticians afterward about how many other drivers over the age of 50 have ever won a NASCAR race .like it s an impossible deed for a 50-year-old driver nowadays, or that old people are too dumb to win a NASCAR event. It kind of reminds me of when news reporters condescendingly crow about the first time a woman accomplishes something .like they were too stupid to do it otherwise. Today, Janet Pringle is the first female driver to win a NASCAR race! Apparently, women are too dumb to win races, so that s why today s win, and this offensive suggestion that women aren t capable of winning otherwise seem so much more .oh, I don t know .special! I think the entire first person of (Fill in the blank)to do this! accomplishment racket is one of the most offensive things I ve seen in the world of modern news reporting. The age angle to this story is just another example. While I completely understand that certain segments of the population had one heck of a time not too long ago in our nation s history, I think that tremendous strides have been made to ensure everyone is on equal footing now .as possible, anyway. Yes, there are still some serious problems, but the biggest issue of all is how the most basic (and offensive) of statistics are now being turned into front-page news. The First ______ ever completed his sailing trip around the world today! The First ______ ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize! The bad part about this style of reporting? As it pertains to racing, these firsts! seem to forget that it s not exactly a cakewalk for even a non-special individual to accomplish .and even for non-racingrelated accomplishments. I am amazed by what people can make happen, regardless of any background. These bogus firsts imply that certain people of different backgrounds, never mind how talented or

gifted they are in the field of endeavor they represent are somehow .limited .in some shape, way, or form, and they reek of absolutely shallow thinking, which only serves to divide us more. Anyone remember Danica Patrick s first win? What about Ashley Force s first victory in the NHRA? What, do the men drivers have it so easy out on the track? It s absolute hell out there on everybody. I m simply glad that they won. I don t look at it as if they somehow overcame some physical or mental handicap to win, I m looking at it as that women are just as capable of driving a race car as the men are. I want to hear how Ashley Force went all the way to the final round because she just happened to be a better driver than everyone else out there. I don t want to hear a news story telling me about how shocking it was that a woman somehow managed to win, in spite of being a woman. This relates to the older NASCAR drivers out there, who certain press circles make claims about how they still have it after all these years of driving, whenever they win a race, or place really well. Yes, this still having it has a name .it s called experience . It s not something you can buy. Yes, certain kids out there have had experience front-loaded from the age of 5 or so, but at what cost? I recall the movie Amadeus , and how it was suggested that Mozart was treated like a bit of a circus monkey, being paraded around Europe by his father, as he showed off Mozart s musical skills from the age of four and up. Mozart is my favorite composer .but what did he lose with his father trying to cram decades of training into a short ten years or so of childhood? Mozart died at the age of 36 .broke and miserable. These kids are replacing capable drivers with decades of experience, just so a particular team s sponsor has a young, pretty face to use to hawk products .never mind that the pretty face belongs to an emotionless robot, or an arrogant ass that enjoys punting people into the wall. And what happened on Sunday was that Mark Martin destroyed the formula. You don t have to have a driver with a baby face to win races. You don t have to have a cutie patootie youngster to generate headlines. You don t have to be under the age of 40 to be a winner. Please don t misunderstand me, however. I don t think all 18-year-olds are idiots (kids don t hold a monopoly on idiocy), nor do I think that today s younger drivers have no place in the sport. I think that if you are over 50, can still drive competitively, and have a great connection with your fans (and potential customers), the dollars to the sponsors will follow. But I know that with some products out there, having some young, fresh-faced teenager who spends more time knocking people into the wall while trying to win than trying to win cleanly isn t the best way to sell a product. I think the problem here is that NASCAR has stepped, no, tripped over the over-commercialization boundary here quite some time ago, and the older drivers were the first to go. In an age where guys in their 60 s can race competitively in other racing series, turning 40 is now considered over the hill in

NASCAR. It s a brilliant plan, by the way. If you eliminate enough of the older drivers from the series, then you can get away with saying that the younger drivers can win races, too! . Makes it a bit easier to get away with it if all of the drivers are younger , doesn t it? Rant /off. Please note: if you have been offended by anything I ve said here today, it was not my intention to do so. If you are still offended, however .please send your flaming doggie doo bags to the email address provided below .and see you next week.