Chapter 3. ----Hey, give me a break!

Every epic story starts with a few chapters of characters introduction and gathering the party! Hmm, was that a spoiler? ah.. sh*t----

The High Prophet and Descendant of Gods, the venerable Yama-mundra felt he's been cheated out of his afterlife. Not only that the aforementioned Gods didn't show up to guide His Holiness, he actually didn't feel any "holier" than ever just very dead. And death has not been kind to a Montana-born Jason Stewart (of course that was his perfectly normal human identity before the Revelation of the Master of the Wisdom interrupted his perfectly normal midnight drive to Wendy's). Of course Jason would later claim that the perfectly normal amount of MDMA in his bloodstream, and a massive TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) as reported by the local paramedics had nothing to do with the miracle of a mortal becoming a Godhead, and as soon as Jason was released from the hospital he promptly changed his name to a one that suited better his Buddha-Nature and very naturally shed behind him his mortgage, wife and the wreck of his '86 Lincoln. Certainly, when you awake yourself to Divinity, the first thing you'd like to do is to reveal yourself to the masses and promise the long-awaited salvation to the mankind, however even Jason, pardon, Yama-mundra knew that without a solid and oppressive dogma, miracle-work and visually striking neon-yellow robe the mankind won't take him seriously. Yamamundra frowned, engaged his mental muscles and produced a thick Volume of sayings, revelations, laws and a good amount of senseless "mystical" rambling, which he entitled as "The Definite and Amazing Wisdom Of The Radiant Sun". The book was entirely dictated to him during his astral projection by the Celestial Brahmin. Of course there was not even a chance that a Magnum Opus of such epic proportions was entirely scribbled by our prophet while couch-surfing between his mom's and sister's apartment. Yama scratched his head, frowned again and changed the name of the book to "The book of Enlightenment" , then figured out that achieving enlightenment shouldn't be that easy as reading a book. It took

the Venerable Yama-mundra a near death experience, and change the name to "Aum Gateh Paragateh Aum". He had no idea what it meant, but sounded exotic and catchy. The former car-salesman felt the warm radiance of the future fame and glory descending upon him and thus the new-found religion was called from this day and on. And so, we had the Dogma. The miracles, on the other hand.. well, unfortunately we're about to discover that Jason never got the hang of that one. As all the beginnings usually go, this wasn't an exception. The humble folk of his native Buffalo, Montana didn't seem to appear very concerned with their enlightenment and, although out of a mixture of politeness and curiosity some of the neighbours gathered for the barbecue the Descendant of Gods' mom's backyard, after a few minutes it was clear that everybody's here for the steaks, really. Further attempts to convince the mortals of their blindness ended up in a massive stain on the Prophet robes, as someone thought it'd be funny to toss a sauce bottle that perfectly landed on the new-born Prophet's head. Yama-mundra sighed, borrowed 50$ from his sister and one night.. just vanished. A few years later a new Guru surfaced up in San Francisco. The hippie capital of the world was more than happy to accommodate any freaks and nutters and it wasn't really of any concern to anyone whether this Yamamundra guy even has any legitimate lineage of the Indian Gurus that he claimed to his name, or just was another homeless wacko. The prophet finally had his heart's desire -he was fed, he was taken care of and he was respected, for a while at least. Until the former Mr. Stewart believed in his own Divinity just enough to prove once and for all that He is, basically, a true reincarnation of Amida Buddha, Jesus Christ and Icarus. Although unlike Icarus he never had to fly too close to the sun. Yama-mundra's miracle would be simple and effective - he would jump of the Transamerica Pyramid (for nothing less than 900 feet didn't satisfy his ego), quickly reincarnate and descent on earth again by dinner, riding the flaming chariot with Lord Krishna.. why the hell not.

It definitely sounds like a solid plan. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? And that was exactly the question Jason Stewart, a.k.a The High Prophet, a.k.a Descendant of Gods, a.k.a.. (ok, you got the point, right?) was currently asking himself while trying to kick a fat Seagull somewhere on the beach in B.C., Canada. Yama-mundra just recently discovered that kicking, like any other part of our trivial daily routines, doesn't come easy when you're a ghost.