A Date with YouTube Sketch by Neil Wacaster Tyler: (on the phone, nervous): So, weve been spending

a ton of time together dating online lately. And, Ive been thinking... well, Im really starting to... you know, its... like... Deep breath. Tyler: Im falling in love with you. Ive known that this would happen ever since someone sent me that video of your dancing cat. I felt I would want to spend the rest of my life with you. Im ready to take this relationship to the next level. Scream of happiness from phone. Tyler looks pleased. No more parties with our friends where we sit around watching you, I think that we should go out on a date. Just you and me. Excited babbling from the phone, continuous. Tyler: So what do you say? Freds Diner? Tomorrow night, 9:00? More excited babbling. Tyler: Alright, Ill see you then. Hangs up, babbling cut off. Tyler (pumps st): YESssss! Title on screen: Tomorrow night... Camera view pans from sky down to Tyler, waiting at a table. Tyler looks at his watch, shaking his head. Tyler: what in the world is taking her so long? YT, wearing YouTube t-shirt, enters, breathing hard. She tries to speak, but can only whisper, Just let me buffer a minute. She freezes, and a buffering ring goes round and round her face. Tyler looks quizzical. Finally, she unfreezes and smiles. YT: Sorry Im late. I forgot to tell you that I had scheduled maintenance tonight. Tyler (forced smile): Thats ok, Im just glad youre nally here. Waiter notices that we have arrived and hurries over. He looks and speaks like Fred Figglehorn. He does not look at YT.

Fred: Hey, its FRED! Tyler: Havent I seen you somewhere before? Fred (in typical Fred, over the top fashion, with intonation): No! I dont know either of you...at all. He and YT glare at one another. Tyler: Heh. Can I have the Lunchtime with Smosh burger, with some Annoying Orange juice? YT (buries her face in the menu): Ill take the Epic Mealtime combo, with more bacon strips. Fred jerks away our menus, obviously angry. As he walks away, he calls to the kitchen, fading out, Judy! One shut-up-food-battle, a fruits-worst-nightmare, and a deep-friedhater with extra you-know-what! Tyler: So, what do you want to talk about? YT: Oh, nothing. Just my friend Shay Carl. Tyler: Do I know him? YT: I dont think so, but hes the funniest guy ever! I know everything about him: where he goes, what he wears, what his kids are like, how he treats his wife... Tyler: Thats not creepy at all. YT: ... who his sponsors are, why he calls his entire family tards... Tyler: Please, not another one of your twenty minute rants. I dont know this guy, and I dont care what he has to say. YT: But all your friends like his videos! And I uploaded 16 video responses to his... Tyler (Frustrated): Can we just talk about something else. YT: What about Charlie the Unicorn? Tyler: Oh please. YT: Charlie! Lets go to the candy mountain!

Fred comes back carrying our orders on a tray. Tylers is a hamburger and a glass of orange juice, YTs is a fried grilled cheese sandwich with a mound of bacon next to it. Tyler (to Fred): I think I saw you on a website once... Fred: Oh, you think? My name is Fred, you hackin stupid loser! Tyler (stunned): Wow, really? As in, the Fred? Fred: Yeah. Dont remind me. Tyler: Why? Is something wrong? Fred: My channel went from the top of the world to the default hangout for trolls. Im the laughing stock of the entire internet. And all because SHE (points at YT) dumped me! YT (Deep anger wells up, seething): You know what, Figglehorn? I grew up. Im not a 13 year old fan-girl anymore, Im a 17 year old independent lmmaker. I cant be expected to subscribe to a selsh brat who makes crappy videos, never updates anymore, and whose body no longer remotely resembles that of a 6 year old child! Fred (screaming): You know what! I never wanted you! I just posted a few videos for my friends, it was YOU who made me into this monster. Now, I have to scrape by on pitiful tips from college students because I was always making videos for you when I should have been training for a productive career! (derisively) And the fame that you promised, where has it led? Only to pain! Random strangers ridicule me in the grocery store and laugh at me on the streets. And all because of your beloved fame. What sadistic pleasure can it give you, to promise us all and give us nothing? Youre a psychopath! An outcast! A TROLL!!! YT bursts into tears, slumps on the table, sobbing into her arms. I sit there, in shocked silence. Fred walks off, at rst angry, and then begins to tear up. Tearful, haunting music plays. Tyler: