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Special Note From Tim McAuley regarding the content of this document: You have my permission to distribute this document freely to anyone and everyone you like as long as it is left completely intact, unchanged and delivered via this exact PDF file with the title page intact.

Under no circumstances will you be permitted to reprint, or use this content in any way, shape or form without the sole permission of Tim McAuley /Hope Lincoln Unlimited. If you would like to inquire about the rights to use this content please

The Reader of this publication assumes responsibility for the use of these materials and information. Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, federal, state, and local, governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising, and all other aspects of doing business in the United States or any other jurisdiction is the sole responsibility of the Reader. The Author and Publisher assume no responsibility or liability whatsoever on the behalf of any Purchaser or Reader of these materials. Any perceived slights of specific people or organizations are unintentional. Thanks in advance for your cooperation. ii

Its All About Me!


A Soul Surfer's Guide to Happiness Through the Mastery of Self

Tim McAuley

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Copyright 2011 by Tim McAuley All rights reserved.

Published by: Hope Lincoln Unlimited P.O. Box 117 Buffalo, Ohio 43722 Email: info@isitallaboutme.com Web: http://isitallaboutme.com

Publishers Cataloging in Publication Data McAuley, Tim 1976Its All About ME! A Soul Surfer's Guide to Happiness Through the Mastery of Self (second edition)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011907514 ISBN-100983536503 ISBN-139780983536505

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In Loving Memory
Adam Scott Deegan, September 8, 2000- January 4, 2011. Making you proud of me has been my mission since the day you were born. Uncle Timmy wishes you were still here to see this book. I will be with you soon. Until then, in your honor, I will throw my deuces up.

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Dedications
To Dee Dee, without your trust, faith, and dedication, I wouldnt be me, and therefore this book wouldnt be here. Thank you so much for everything. Our countless hours on the phone have produced some amazing results; I did my best to transpose what weve learned together in this book. To Jennifer, you have said it over and over again, from the beginning of our relationship, Write a book. Thanks for your persistence and patience. I pray that you enjoy this.

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Special Thanks
First, I would like to thank my mom for her unconditional love and my dad for all the inspiring lessons that taught me how to be a good man. Without the work ethic youve instilled in me, this book wouldnt have gotten here. I love you both so very much. To my sissy, Melissa Deegan, you have always been my hero. Your strength and spirit inspire me every day. I am forever in awe of you. You are one of the most amazing women Ive ever known. It is such an honor to have you as a sister. To Jeff, I want to thank you for being the man that you are. You are the perfect man for my sister, and a great father. I am proud to be able to call you family. Chelsea, Brett, and Danica: I love you guys with all my heart and think of you each and every day. I hope I am an uncle you can be proud to call yours. My entire family, there are way too many of you to list separately. I love and cherish each one of you for very different reasons. Next, I would like to thank Lorie Owens and Thomas McGough for helping me discover my own unique gifts and talents. Without you two people I would have never celebrated a birthday past 17. I am forever ix

grateful for you both. It took me a little while to hear you, but my first book is finally here. Thank you. I would like to thank Jerry Eltringham, Michael Kuklica, Peter Arnold, Barry Buddha Nelson, Dr. Mark, Dr. Melanie Erceg, Yonnus Becker, Nianna Rose Bray, Helena Nash, Ana Ligia Lacerda Galvao, and Eric Schlosser. At different times in my life, my direction was greatly changed by your presence. I am who I am in large part because you were there on a particular day. I would like to thank the people mentioned and implied throughout the pages of this book, Chris Cram, Shaun Flowers, Dr. Melanie Erceg, Joel Herzer, and Alford Harris just to name a few. To my editors: Tiffany Johnson who asked the perfect questions that helped form the structure of this book. Pete Arnold thank you for catching the errors Tiffany missed in her job as a proof reader. Thanks for demanding I put the first printing on hold to fix them. I would have looked very foolish publishing a book with those mistakes in it. Thank you for proof reading the book with me. I left a few mistakes in for the hell of it. Finally, thank you Jill Sallade Packard for taking the time to go through the book and clean it up for the second edition. Thank you to all the people that had a hand in creating the first cover.

Thank you, Megan Johnson for your wonderful cover, logo, greeting cards, and t-shirt designs. Thank you Aaron Paulley for that wonderful Head Shot, I love your work man. Keep snapping off pictures. The tone of this book wouldnt be what it is without Jeff Eamer and his timely advice to be simple, write more choppy and punchy, and when I write, to just be me (a bartender who loves the word douche). Zedrick Allen Clark, thank you for taking the time to read the manuscript. Thank you for giving me advice and connecting me with amazing people. Finally, thank you for the introduction to this book. I thank you from the core of my being. To all of you who were part of my journey. To mention each of you would fill another book entirely. My love and gratitude goes to the loving community at Orchard Hills Baptist Church in Newnan, GA. To all who were called to action when Adam was taken from us, my deepest thanks. I have now witnessed first-hand the awesome power of fellowship. A most special thanks to Dr. Stacy Thomas, Desiree, and Stacey, I am forever grateful you three are part of my sisters life. Finally, to the source energy, zero point field, collective unconsciousness I feel in every cell and fiber of being almost every moment of my day; thank you God for xi

my journey. Thank you for allowing me to misuse my free will, for bringing all the people in my life to teach me the hard lessons, and thank you for the short time you gave me with my little man Adam Scott Deegan. Finally, thank you for the love, the joy, and the peace I feel today. Sincerely, Me.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter 1 .................................................................................. 29 I DROPPED IN ........................................................................ 29 Chapter 2 .................................................................................. 34 PERSPECTIVE IS SUBJECTIVE ......................................... 34 SEMANTICS OF ME .......................................................... 35 THE QUEST OF FREEDOM BEGINS WITH ME. .......... 37 Chapter 3 .................................................................................. 41 WHY IS IT ALL ABOUT ME? ............................................... 41 SO WHATS THE POINT?................................................. 43 Chapter 4 .................................................................................. 45 WHO DO I THINK I AM? ..................................................... 45 AM I A CONCEPTUAL DELUSION ............................... 49 MY DELUSION ................................................................... 52 Chapter 5 .................................................................................. 55 MEETING A POWER GREATER THAN TIM ................... 55 Chapter 6 .................................................................................. 61 GOD: A SEMANTIC DISCUSSION ..................................... 61 LET THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE ................................... 62 FIND I AM ......................................................................... 63 MOUNTAINS OF SEMANTICS ....................................... 64

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Chapter 7 .................................................................................. 69 THE GOOD AND THE BAD OF IT ..................................... 69 THE SOURCE IS THE SOURCE OF COURSE OF COURSE ............................................................................... 70 THE DAMNEDEST THINGS ............................................ 72 Chapter 8 .................................................................................. 79 OUR THOUGHTS CREATE THE FUTURE........................ 79 MUSTARD ........................................................................... 80 BELIEF OR FAITH?? .......................................................... 83 HOW I CREATED MISERY ............................................... 85 Chapter 9 .................................................................................. 93 DISCOVERING THAT MY REAL GURU IS A DOUCHE 93 MY PARADIGM OF MONEY ........................................... 94 MONEY DOES NOT EQUAL WORTH ........................... 96 Chapter 10 ................................................................................ 99 FORMING THE PARADIGM ............................................... 99 THOUGHTS ARE MIXED AND SHAKEN OR STIRRED ............................................................................................. 102 MIND CHATTER .............................................................. 103 YOU ARE A VERY BIG SIX YEAR OLD AT BEST ...... 106 WE HONOR GOD WITH EACH ACT OF OBSERVATION ................................................................ 107 FREQUENCY..................................................................... 108

Sample ends HERE.


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REST OF THE CHAPTER NAMES AND SUBHEADINGS


CHAPTER 10 (continued) MASLOWS HIERARCHY OF NEEDS ANIMAL INSTINCTS SAFE AND SECURE A NEED TO BELONG ESTEEM SELF-ACTUALIZATION NEEDS DISCOVER THE GAP WHATS THE PRICE? Chapter 11 LEARNING TO KNOW THYSELF BODY TALKS/SCIENCE SCHMIANCE JUST BREATHE DEEPLY ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO FREE THE MIND BODY TELLS WHERE IS YOUR HEAD? WHATS NOT SAFE?

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A QUICK RUNDOWN OF MIND BODY CONNECTION YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK Chapter 12 TAKING CONTROL OF AWARENESS FAITH HEALING PARADIGM AND MYTH OF LACK SPIRITUAL INERTIA THE IDEA OF SEPARATION NO LONGER SUITS US AS SO WITHIN, SO WITHOUT Chapter 13 STEPPING INTO CHAOS NOT SCIENTIFIC PROOF - JUST A METAPHOR BUTTERFLIES REALIGN ME ALL WE SEE FLOWS FREELY Chapter 14 CONDITIONS DONT HAVE TO CHANGE ME AHHHHH, SO THIS IS FREEDOM METAPHORICALLY SEEKING Chapter 15 LOOKING PAST THE DELUSION xvi

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE; IT IS WHAT IT IS. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY TAKING RESPONSIBILITY Chapter 16 BE THE CHANGE HOW TO BE THE CHANGE RESIST AND PERSIST WHO ARE WE TO SAY GOOD AND BAD? ITS BETTER TO BECOME UNRAVELED Chapter 17 CENTEREDNESS MISUSE OF FAITH MY MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHO I AM. WHERE IS YOUR FAITH THE LESSONS OF DYSFUNCTION: PRICELESS Chapter 18 I AM THAT I AM I AM ONENESS OF BEING SURRENDER xvii

Chapter 19 F*@K JACK JOHNSON F*@K JACK JOHNSON IN BRAZIL LETTING GO DETACHMENT AINT EASY Chapter 20 COMPLETE FREEDOM NO COUNTRY WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? Chapter 21 LOOKING INTO THE REFLECTION LEARNING TO LOVE YOUR ENEMY ITS STILL ALL ABOUT ME ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE TRIGGERS OF LOVE Chapter 22 YOUR POWER IS HERE AND NOW METAPHORICAL TECHNOLOGY

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Chapter 23 CLEARING THE PAST REALLY LETTING GO OF THE PAST Chapter 24 PULL IT TOGETHER OUR REACTIONS LET IT FLOW Error! Bookmark not defined. THOUGHTS OR PRAYERS UNANSWERED PRAYERS Chapter 25 ON MY KNEES SOUL MATES MATCHING UP THE ART OF BEING BE LOVE DYSFUNCTIONAL SOUL MATES WHERE DO I GO WRONG BOUNDARIES

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Chapter 26 THE SOURCE OF LOVE AND MONEY IS IT CONDITIONAL? THE PATH OF SUFFERING Chapter 27 FOR THE LOVE OF YOURSELF THE ILLUSION OF PAIN MINE! MINE! MINE! AS SO WITHOUT, SO WITHIN Chapter 28 BREAKING FREE WANTING TO HIT EM IN THE NECK Chapter 29 HOW DID I GET HERE TODAY? REMEMBERING THE SOURCE BELIEF AT THE CORE OF BEING I CAUSE MY OWN SUFFERING

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Chapter 30 WHY WAIT UNTIL THEN? CREATE A NEW PARADIGM CO-CREATING 2010 MY DAILY REMINDER Chapter 31 GOING PAST THE SELF THE ATTAINMENT OF DESIRE EMOTIONALLY FREE DONT GET IT TWISTED Chapter 32 HARMONY LIST OF DESIRES ENVISION THE FUTURE Chapter 33 THE PERFECT DAY SCENARIO GET MORE INTO IT

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Chapter 34 DREAM BOARDS IT TAKES MORE THAN WISHING FRAME BY FRAME KEY WORDS MY OWN KEY WORDS EXPECT HAPPINESS A FEW TIMES A DAY Chapter 35 DONT GIVE UP WHEN YOURE ALMOST THERE 9 Things to Remember

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Introduction to a Soul Surfers How to Guide


It is with great honor and gratitude I introduce to you Tim McAuley and his book, Its All About ME. As a book that could easily change any life for the better, Its All About ME, came into my life after years of searching for answers. Immediately I was deeply encouraged and inspired to be the best person I could be. My heart and spirit stirred as its words and messages challenged and entertained me. Being both simple and profound, the spiritual wisdom coming through this book is delivered in the true fashion of a bartender--straight, no chaser. I began my teenage years yearning for a deeper connection to a higher power and an inner peace that I knew was possible to obtain. As a seeker of truth and wisdom, I was continually looking for answers from other people and places. At first, I looked to my family, God and the Bible for answers, as well as the natural world around me. Then I looked to my peers, school teachers, and writers (mostly of music). Then after realizing there must be more, I began to study poets, philosophers, and other seekers, such as St. Thomas Aquinas, Alan Watts, Carlos Castaneda and the Dalai Lama, among many others. After countless books, lectures, conversations, classes, and experiences, I decided the best I could hope for was an occasional glimpse into peace and enlightenment. At some point, probably around the time I realized I wanted to grow up and be a responsible adult, I left the xxiii

spiritual seeking to others and began to study seekers of financial success. This led me to Brian Tracy, Steven Covey, John Maxwell, Dale Carnegie, and other business, success, and self-help writers and speakers; as well as successful business owners and role models. Then, in my late twenties, I began having experiences that I can only explain as divine guidance. I started to connect the dots of my life and began to understand its inner workings more and more clearly. As a result, the one goal I had in life--owning a successful business that could impact and empower people in a positive way--was accomplished years earlier than I had predicted. I even ended up losing this business in a fire. Instead of getting discouraged and giving up, I was able to see this loss as a wonderful opportunity to start new and have something even better than I had beforeand that is exactly what happened. But even after that, I felt a bit unsettled. I knew there was more and I felt stagnant. This acceptance that there had to be more opened me up and allowed me to be drawn to a short personal meditation retreat which got the candle burning inside me again. Little by little, I began to feel Gods presence in my everyday life and peace came to me more often. Right when I needed them, books and people would come into my life, saying the exact thing I needed to hear to guide me even further. Opportunities presented themselves to me and I truly could say, I LOVE LIFE! again. This was also the time when Tim McAuley and I reconnected after having not seen each other in over 15 years. Tim and I grew up just a few miles from each other and attended the same school; and even though we werent in the same circles and I didnt know him personally that well, at that time, I knew he was special. xxiv

When we reconnected, I knew right away we needed to spend more time with each other. As we talked that day, and the many days and nights after, I realized he had an astonishingly deep understanding of things I had only skimmed. His understanding of life, spirituality, love, and individual potential and how to use it, left me awestruck! Even more refreshing was his ability to communicate in a clear concise way with minimal flowery BS and ego driven vocabulary. Tims story telling ability and his no nonsense approach makes his entire life into one never-ending parable. He truly is a master of self and is a gift to those he connects with. As it did for me, Its All About ME can be an opportunity for anyone to connect with Tim and his teachings in a deep and meaningful way. Whether you follow the modern day spiritual seekers, religious leaders, or ancient philosophers, you will find this book to not only be a magnifying glass that will bring these ideas into clearer focus, but possibly offer a fresh take on being able to clarify your own loving self and your connection with a higher power. Truly empowering, this book allows you to see the concepts that the great masters have communicated for centuries, in a modern way, with modern words, by a truly timeless, yet modern voice. When Tim first asked me to read his book, I did not know what to expect. I went into it with an open mind hoping to help a friend move his dream further ahead, and maybe learn more about him in the process. I, of course, got all that. However, I got a whole lot more.

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The book you have in front of you is more than you could ever glean from a simple title, or my introduction. It will be something different for each who reads it; but if you read it with an open heart and peaceful mind, it will bring you to some personal truths, and guide you to become a seeker of a higher purpose and a better you. It will also show you that you are not alone in your quest-others out there are just like you. This book is also for beginners and experienced alike. You may be inspired to write your own book, or you may find a new concept that ties together a better understanding of how the world around you works. You may find how to make your life, business, and /or relationship better. I personally laughed out loud, cried, told friends stories, and created new ways to describe what I thought was indescribable in the process of my first reading. I will read this book again. If many of the concepts are new to you, I suggest you enjoy it in small bites allowing your soul to truly savor it. Then, do it all over again! In the end, you may not have all your questions answered, but this book will lead you to the answers that lie within. You can do what Tim has done for himself if you take responsibility and recognize... Its all about YOU. Peaceful Journeys,

Zedrick Clark CNHP Natures Food Market of Berlin, President and Proprietor

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SELECTED QUOTES FROM: Interview: Dr. Timothy Leary "The Evolutionary Surfer" Article Originally Published in SURFER, January 1978

One of the best ways of describing what we're doing . . . is to define our roles as "evolutionary surfers." Everything is made of waves. At the level of electrons and neutrons ... it's part of a wave theory. Historical waves -- cultural waves. The more you think about the evolutionary process, the more you see the fundamental structure of nature itself. It's the quantum theory . . . dealing with quantum leaps and quantum waves . . . things come packaged in sequential, cyclical, moving, ever-changing forms. There's a purity about surfing. There's a great sense of timing. Of course, if you study how evolution works and how the DNA code builds bodies and builds species, timing is of absolute importance. Being in the right place at the right time -- It happens that whatever you do, you can't create a wave, you know; it comes and there's a time to move and a time to lay back. It's almost Taoist poetry. Almost Einsteinian. It's just the individual dealing with the power of the ocean, which gets into the power of lunar pulls, and of tidal ebbs and flows; and it's no accident that many, perhaps most, surfers have become almost mystics, or ... I hate to use the word, spiritual. I prefer the word neurological excursion. But they've somehow been able to get in touch with the infinity, and into the turbulence of the power of their own brain, and then they begin xxvii

A WORD OF CAUTION
First off let me say that I am no doctor. I hold no coaching certificate or a license to be a counselor. I am a bartender who reads and researches self-development. I have shared my findings with a few people and the things Ive done for myself have worked for them as well. Those people have encouraged me to write a book. The exchange of conscious and unconscious thought is very tricky. But it can be mastered.

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Chapter 1 I DROPPED IN
One day, I somehow managed to become conscious of the gap between my thoughts. At that moment I experienced the vibration of pure bliss, a profound sense of personal satisfaction, happiness and joy. I realized the meaning of eternity. I felt as if time was an illusion, and for a moment, I existed in a timeless state. It was September 2005, a few hundred meters off the sand just south of San Clemente, California. For over a year I had been struggling, trying to learn to surf. I searched several months to find a board I could stand on consistently. The first board I bought wasnt at all a beginner board. The guy at Killer Dana Surf Shop told me it was a crappy board, and not to even take it in the water if I didnt know how to surf. Get yourself a long board, he said. So I did. My second board was a 10-foot cigar shaped board with absolutely no balancing point. My third, a 74 Stewart Fun Board; it didnt help my cause any. Eventually I quit and tried my hand at online poker. Seven or eight months later, a friend shaped a board just for me. 29

By the time the September swell season of 2005 rolled in I had been consistently dropping in on waves. Thanks to my surf partner, a human jukebox of a musician from Dana Point, California named Chris Cram; I was surfing every day, sometimes twice. He had talked me into going with him to replace my morning meetings. Cram and I had been surfing together for my entire albeit short surfing career. I had decided I wouldnt return to the rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous, and Cram decided that without support, I would never make it as a sober man. Looking back, Im pretty sure he was right. I am so very grateful that he had reached out to me. It was Cram who explained the concept of a power greater than me, and it was shortly after a conversation with him, some 14 months later, that I first realized the ever-present state of bliss and the meaning of eternity. Cram and I had been paddling out every day for nearly 6 months when I decided I would quit trying to surf. I spent most of my time the next eight months playing online poker. One morning the bartender at my breakfast spot in Dana Point suggested I give surfing another try. His argument consisted of the 30 extra pounds and the lack of skin pigment I had developed in my eight months in front of a computer screen all day and tending bar in Laguna Beach at night.

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The bartender and I decided on a deal. He then loaned me one of his surfboards while he shaped and tinted my 9 foot blue bomber. To this day, out of all my board choices, I love riding that board most. It will always hold a special place in my heart. Many times, shortly after catching the wave of the day, I bow my head and silently thank that master of the Bloody Mary for demanding I give him $400. After the arrival of my new long board Cram and I spent every morning bobbing side by side in the Pacific Ocean discussing sobriety, the nature of my higher power, and anything else we could think of in between sets of waves. One morning in mid-September 2005, Cram gave me a sermon enlightening me to just what made it possible for the two of us to sit in the ocean and walk on water. He started by explaining the layout of the ocean floor and the shelf that sits a few hundred meters off the shoreline of any body of land. He then explained to me that three days or so prior to that very moment we floated in our neoprene suits, a storm brewed just off the coast of New Zealand. Finally, after traveling thousands of nautical miles, the energy of that storm pulsed to the shelf that starts the Southern California coastline. The result of which happened to be waves much larger than anything I had previously attempted to ride with any level of success.

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A set rolled in just as Cram finished his explanation of wave conditions and south-facing beaches. He paddled into the second wave. I followed on the wave just behind him; my mind still numb from contemplating my oceanography lesson of the day. Before I even dropped into the wave that seemed to dwarf my 511 frame, time stood still. As the wave took over the propulsion of my board, I popped up with grace that I had as of yet shown, and my feet found the sweetest spots on the board. All that I could hear was the sound of the ocean and the wind from the tunnel of water curling just behind me. Nothing else seemed to exist. As my nine-foot Shaun Flowers Custom board carried my body down the face of the wave, I felt no separation between my feet and the blue tinted fiberglass covered piece of carved foam. I felt no separation of the board from the wave, nor did I recognize a separation of the waves energy from the storm in New Zealand three days previously that lifted the water underneath my feet and what seemed like four feet over my head. As I ran my hand across the wall of water in front of me, I felt pure bliss and ecstasy. I felt no separation between me and anything else in this universe. I felt one with God; even though less than ten seconds before I held no belief whatsoever in the existence of God. I rode that wave eternally, for about 20 seconds or so. It was by far the longest ride of my life, on the biggest 32

wave I had ever seen. I kicked out, landed on the waxy surface of the board, and paddled back to the spot where Cram sat screaming, hooting, and flapping his arms wildly. It took me a few seconds to tune into his words. Thats it right there duuudeee!! Thats GOD! Thats what Im talkin about. You found it brother. Now try to remember all that philosophy, religious Carl Jung shit you been talkin and you might just realize what the hell youve been trying to say.. yeahh brother! Crams mantic rant about surf stokes and God went on for 10 minutes or so in a manner that you could only understand if youd spent time with the man who once threw a series of darts into my chest as I slept on his living room floor. For the larger part of two hours, Cram and I danced around in eternity, paddling into and trough walls of wave energy brought to us from around the globe. I realized that day that the fundamental differences in schools of philosophy, religions of the world, and scientific theories, were nothing more than semantics. I dont deny the fundamental differences. I believe it naive to say all religions are saying the same thing. Theyre not. But, I do believe they are attempting the best they can to lead their followers to the same destination. The destination I discovered and experienced on a wave in mid-September 2005 just off the coast of San Onofre, California.

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Chapter 2 PERSPECTIVE IS SUBJECTIVE


Even today, I have to remind myself that everything that man claims to know is highly subjective. Its a lot like the view of the room you find yourself in from the position you sit reading this book. Look around. What do you see? Check out that space. Now, stand up. Maybe on the same furniture your body rests now. That room will look much different to you and will look even more different if you lie underneath whatever piece of furniture your body can fit snugly into. Thats what lifes all about - perspective. It seems human consciousness is on a journey towards self-realization as it flows through space and time through localized perspectives (you and me). Currently consciousness is rejecting the essence of its own being. Its as if we are looking into the world with tunnel vision. We never come close to the light at the tunnels end. Yet, in some way, we each understand the essence of being, even before we ever experience it. I was lucky enough in this lifetime to find it, without the aid of a chemical substance, a sexual encounter, or another material form other than a surfboard, wave energy, and cool salty water.

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SEMANTICS OF ME The beauty of the nature of being is perpetually lost to me in the semantic ramblings of my conscious mind. My mind is, at best, minimally aware of what is happening around me on a moment-by-moment basis. Something is always churning in my head. I run little scenarios of futures that may never be, practice conversations that Ill never have, and replay different versions of events from the memory of the years that have come to pass. I know I am not alone here. I have been behind a bar listening to stories for over 13 years now, and I recognize that a little voice chatters in everyones mind to some degree or another. Better yet, I realize that the little voice of my mind serves very little purpose other than clouding my experience of the present moment. The words, images, and feelings of the mind chatter produce a delusional sense of self. I take little care in choosing which one of the millions of random thoughts to follow on a moment by moment basis. I seem to have been reacting as if I didnt possess free will most of my life. I have spent much of my life on autopilot; a puppet to circumstances in a play called Earth. In the years since my first drop into the eternal wave of life, I have struggled greatly maintaining my connection to the blissful cosmic conscious state of mind. I gain it quickly by surfing. Yoga helps, as does meditation and prayer. But I notice that my mind is misaligned and

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my observations are misappropriated far too many moments in my life. Again, I know I am not alone here. It is the condition of nearly every human being with whom I have come into contact. From my first home in Appalachia, Ohio, to the nightclubs and restaurants from Laguna Beach, to downtown Los Angeles, to a beachfront apartment facing south on the coast of central Brazil and finally back to the place I started, I notice that we all make poor use of our observational awareness and our conceptualizing minds. It seems that we are all trapped in a conditional state-of-being. My main source of suffering is a combination of the misuse of my observations and a dysfunctional paradigm locked deep in my unconscious. I cant deny it any longer. The fact is, since about the age of six, I have created much suffering in my world both internally and externally. I read this quote the other day; You create just as much suffering when you take offense as when you give it. I have certainly done both for far too often. When I consider that we are all wired similarly, I can see why it is so much suffering exists in this world. We focus much of our thoughts on shadows as we ignore the light. Basically, we are all a bunch of big six year old kids.

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THE QUEST OF FREEDOM BEGINS WITH ME. It appears to me that human consciousness is on the quest for eternal freedom. At least mine is. Freedom is the real motivation of our lofty goals in life. Yet, most of us remain oblivious to the idea of cultivating innerfreedom. We may press the like button on the Dali Llama quotes that pop up on Facebook, but few of us really search ourselves for inner-freedom. We all have these pressing matters like how to pay the mortgage, that thing that one person said to us the other day, and what Steve Jobs thinks we should buy next. The pressing matters we deal with on a moment-bymoment basis never really seem to translate into our minds as a part the quest for eternal freedom. But they are. The stuff we take interest in, how we spend our time, and even how we trade our time for money, each offer us a path towards enlightenment and eternal freedom. Instead, we have all bought into the delusion of the material world, and we cause ourselves great suffering and pain because we hate our jobs, we have very little time, and we dont have enough cool stuff. Yeah I said it. You are delusional. Im serious. Take today for instance. You woke up and immediately began to conceptualize the idea of who you are. You began to list the things you have to do, and most likely considered what tomorrow will bring. I did it too. I woke up, stretched my arms and before I finished taking in my 37

first deep breath, I held an image of the bar meeting I have scheduled later today. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I am a bartender. Before I exhaled my first breath the thoughts of who I am just rambled on in my mind. I thought about taking some money to my yoga teacher for this months membership. I forgot to take it last night, because I got called into work. I love female yoga teachers!! What can I say, I am a man. Next, I reached over and checked my phone. I read a text message offering a critique of this manuscript, which led me to this very sentence. I am a writer. The list goes on and on, and quite frankly, its all crap. Its all a delusion. I can wake up tomorrow and decide I am none of that and see what happens. But I already know what will happen. My mind just told me with the sudden pang of fear that produced the words: How are we going to pay rent if you dont tend bar, stupid? This is the plight of my consciousness, and most likely yours as well. Maybe not the tending bar part, but change the wording up a little and youll get the point. We are all trapped in a delusional sense of self from which we create and perpetuate our own suffering. We participate moment-by-moment in a world where each interaction offers both a chance for enslavement and freedom. Rest assured folks, there is still hope. Self38

realization can be cultivated by each of us. Our delusions, and the emotions thus derived, can be used more effectively and freedom is the eventual result. In each moment a message can be found that will lead each person to a sense of eternal bliss. We just have to search differently and see things from a new perspective. The continual misuse of our own awareness seems to be the source from which all human suffering stems. It makes perfect sense that on days when my mind is continually preoccupied with crap, life stinks. It is due to the fact that I am attached to conditions in the manifest world that produce the emotional states of my being. I know from years of tending bar, hanging out and watching TV, most of us fall prey to this condition. We continually look outside of ourselves to be fulfilled, happy and complete. Look, if I cant be happy and blissful alone, then nothing outside of me is going to change that; not even some adorable little yoga teacher. Sure, the thought of her makes parts of me happy, but I can't experience true happiness as long as I believe happiness is coming from anything in manifest form; the world of form we currently experience.

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Chapter 3 WHY IS IT ALL ABOUT ME?


Happiness is an inside job. We are meant to cultivate immense happiness, and then share it with the world. Instead, we mostly demand the world to provide the feeling for us. Happiness is a state of being and a vibration of harmony that is ever-present. It is a choice. Sometimes the choice isnt always so clear, but it is a choice none-the-less. We have all missed the boat on this one. Most of us are under the delusion that the outside conditions of the world must change in order for us to feel content or happy. Take romantic relationships for instance. Ideally, two souls come together in perfect union and become one. The two that are now one travel through space and time sharing stories, laughter and love. They support one another and grow together spiritually as each body ages and their life force dims and fades away. But, thats not really what I see going on here. I look around and see romantic partnerships that resemble a roller coaster. Come to think about it; love is more of a game of tug of war. Very little freedom in the way love flows exists in most relationships today. Love is often times conditional. We somehow have come to expect our partners to always behave in a manner that makes us feel loved. I have witnessed some of the silliest fights in grocery stores 41

between people in love. Heck, Ive had some of the silliest fights in grocery stores with more than one woman I have loved. Somewhere along the line, I became attachment to the idea that happiness comes from relationships. This has been one source of emotional and mental suffering for me nearly all my life. Relationships are confusing. Plutonic relationships are difficult enough sometimes, while romantic ones confuse the hell out of me. For the longest time I thought it was because women are crazy, emotional, and illogical. I blamed estrogen for causing a chemical imbalance that made women insane. I even theorized that I am only attracted to crazy women. It took a while for me to realize that I was actually walking around with my head up my butt. (More on that later). I came to realize that the dynamics of my relationships had nothing to do with estrogen or unstable feminine emotions. Those were just icing on the cake. The real issue is the image I hold of myself in my minds eye. My inner image always reflects back to me in my dealings with this world. My blueprint of self-worth always seems to pop up somewhere in my experiences. Romantic relationships just seem to hit home hardest. I have been at my most vulnerable when I want the love and attention of a particular woman. I have been at my worst as well. All of my relationships, romantic or otherwise, tell me a little more about the delusions I hold of who I am. So do yours. When I pay close enough attention, I see that all that manifests into my world of experience are metaphors 42

guiding me towards freedom. We can each cultivate freedom while still participating in society, if we learn to see reality as a metaphor. So heres some good news. You dont have to shave your head and move to a mountain just yet. Matter of fact, you may find it more beneficial to keep participating in society. When you come to realize that each person and event in your life is a metaphor of yourself, you will then realize that the guy you want to punch in the face is in fact your greatest teacher. No worries, you can still punch him in the face if the energy of the moment demands. It may just be the lesson that his soul wants from you! But, when you find that youre really only punching yourself, you may be able to turn the other cheek and offer your brother a hug. You may be able to walk along side of your enemy for a few extra miles. Ok now, repeat after me, Its All About Me! SO WHATS THE POINT? What is really the point of me writing this book? What is it that I hope to accomplish by making these words available to you? I believe full-heartedly that the suffering we observe and experience is all the creation of the conscious mind. I believe that each and every one of us creates an internal state of being that co-creates all of what manifests into the world for us to experience. I look out into this world and see how much needless suffering and struggle is created. I have been personally responsible 43

for far too much suffering in this world in my short time on this planet. For that I am truly apologetic. I want suffering to end, not just for me, but for you and everyone you know as well. Please believe me when I say, I have an intimate understanding of the feeling of discontentment, sorrow, and fear. I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts. A good portion of my life, I spent stoned or drunk from the time I woke until I passed out. I started getting high around the age of 14 or so. By my 16th year of life I needed some chemical help just to be able to get out of bed in the morning. My delusion of who I was hurt so badly that in order to stay alive I chose to be numb. Even writing this now, I am overcome with an emotion I hope none of you discover in yourselves. If you have, I hope these words help trigger a sense of connection and wellbeing. Through my 11 years as a bartender, I have come to observe that in some way, most of us hurt. I see it everywhere I go. We are all delusional. We believe that life is a struggle. My purpose in writing this book is to offer an explanation of the struggle and what it is I have done, and continue to do, to overcome it. I am not saying by any means I am perfect. But, I can tell you that the state of my being today is mostly peaceful, and loving, a far cry from the state of my being about seven years ago.

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Chapter 4 WHO DO I THINK I AM?


All of my life I have been a gung-ho kind of guy. I leap before I think. I am very reactive and very passionate about life. Some say it is the Aries in me. I am not really sure about all of that, but I do know that in my history I have been known to react with forcefulness and an intensity that is very offsetting and somewhat frightening when I am triggered into an insecure state of being. All of my life I have felt that certain conditions had to be met by people and the world around me in order for me to feel safe, comfortable, and accepted. Most of my life I looked out into the world and blamed events, my parents, world governments, secret societies, women, men, and God Almighty for the crappy conditions of my life. By the age of 28 I nearly drank and drugged myself to death. I had to make the choice of sobriety. Six years later I started typing these words, doing the best I can to help guide my friends to the harmonious, peaceful, loving state of being in which Ive found in myself. For the past six years, I have been triggered into and have perpetuated just about every emotional state along the path of the pendulum from complete bliss to utter despair. I set my goals, created my dream boards, and did my meditations. I worked diligently to become a better 45

man and create a better life, only to have all that I had worked towards crash down around me during one singular event in May 2009. My girlfriend and I got pregnant. She decided it wasnt the right time for us to have a child. She went to Planned Parenthood and took the pill to end the pregnancy. On the ride to go pick her up I said to my best friend Dee Dee, none of this makes sense anymore and I dont want any of it. Instantly, all of my good fortune was removed. Funding for my business fell through, problems at work came up, and I became suicidal and depressed. My relationship with my partner suffered because of it. Then, I finally decided to take action. I quit it all: the job, the relationship, the life. I sat by the beach for a week breathing and contemplating. I knew from having been close to death twice already that I really didnt want to end it just yet. I stared out into the Pacific Ocean all day long contemplating the life I had lived. I looked at my story from every angle. I broke myself down to nothing and asked myself what I wanted to do the rest of my life. So I could pay my bills, I began stocking beer on Friday and Saturday nights in a Latin club in downtown Los Angeles. I spent my free time paddling on a canoe in the Pacific Ocean. Thats when all that I had learned came into focus for me.

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The hundreds of self-help books Ive read and the different philosophies and religions I have studied began to become clearer. I started to fully realize my part in all of this. I remembered little moments in time when I knew to take one path and I went the wrong way. I saw the patterns of my life unfold, and saw exactly what I had done to get to this point. Peace settled over me that week and I began to ask what I could do for the next 33 years. I didnt think of money, fortune, or fame. I thought of what I could do that came naturally to me. I woke each morning, walked to the beach, and stopped to have breakfast on the way home. I asked myself over and over, What do we do now? What are you going to do for the rest of your life? My answer came in a very unusual way. The woman who owns Benice, a breakfast place in Venice, California, came to my table to refill my coffee and asked, What do you do for a living? I answered I tend bar and stock beer in a club downtown. She looked at me as if I had two heads and said, No silly, youre a writer. Get yourself a notebook and start writing. She and I had never spoken, so I asked her why she would say that. She explained to me that I sit and observe everything and everyone in just a certain way that just says writer. 47

So with that, I began to write this book, attempting to explain the trappings of the mind and how others can create better conditions in their lives and free themselves without quitting it all. My hope is that these words will help people heal. Through this process, I have discovered within me what I can only describe as bliss. I will never consciously trade this state of being for anything. But, dont get it twisted, I am no monk. I live fully in the material world as a spiritual being. The only difference is now I know that nothing outside of me will complete me or add to me. But that does not stop me from desiring a better experience. I love to eat amazing food prepared by amazing chefs. I want to experience world travel, and I want to wear clothes made for a king. I want all of the best things in life, but not because of some need to feel better about myself. I feel amazing just the way I am. I want all of those things because it just makes sense. Quality things are fun to experience, and I dont really find it shameful to take action to make it so. As long as what I do is in harmony to the state of bliss I feel, and I know I am on the right track. I have taken more than just the steps of stillness to cultivate my inner sense of wellbeing. I have harmonized myself with the highest vision of myself. I adjust that vision to the achievement of each goal. I have toyed with different philosophies, meditation practices, and no practice at all, and have noted the results. This book is from my observations, experiences, as well as countless 48

hours spent on the phone with Lydia "Dee Dee" Garlington.

AM I A CONCEPTUAL DELUSION I have learned that happiness is a choice. Like I stated before its an inside job. It is part of having free will. God, The Universe, Consciousness, or whatever you want to call it, really has no stake in the matter. I am not suggesting God is impersonal and has left us all to fend for ourselves, even though much of my life I felt it to be so. I am suggesting that a concept is communicated through the state of my being to the source of all things manifest and comes into my reality. It works unfailingly, whether I like it or not. When I hold in my personal paradigm the belief that I wont amount to anything, failure is imminent. I have found it nearly impossible to strive for anything. Set goals? Why would I do that? Write a book? Who the hell do I think I am? Start another relationship? Really, were gonna do that again? Those are the words that come into my head on a moment to moment basis. Those words are the sound of my delusion.

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Remember, were all delusional. We will discuss some pretty deep observations throughout these pages. Knowing truth and discussing it is often far from living it. I am not really saying anything new in this book. Many religious scholars, philosophers, self-help gurus, and men much smarter than me have been shouting from the mountaintop for eons. Some guys and gals painted murals on caves at the dawn of man. But, so long that I can observe this message has fallen on deaf ears, I will continue to write and publish books on this topic. I believe that mankind needs to rediscover the essence and joy of being. I am certain that we can all experience true happiness and inner-harmony. From what Ive seen in this world, harmony has been ignored by the consciousness of mankind, and is reflected in almost everything we do. Watch the evening news and see how we lack harmony in our lives. I am not promising some miracle cure for suffering once you understand the power of harmony. I am no doctor, and I am not prescribing anything to you in the following pages. The exercises I describe in this book are steps I have taken to clear my delusional paradigm from the depths of my unconscious mind. I have discovered this path through much trial and error through six years of self-reflection prior to the start of this book. I have tested my theories with the help of a few trusting individuals, and I have expanded my own worldview with the help of so many more. 50

This thing we are doing called life is a lot simpler than Ive been making it out to be. I have discovered that some truths that would have saved me years of suffering along the way. I hope to share them in a way you can receive. I cant tell you what will work for you. Most likely, weve never met. Without talking to you and getting a sense of where you are with all of this, it is impossible for me to suggest anything. I can only speak for myself. That being said, I believe that you and I are not all that different. It stands to reason that you too will benefit from some of the things I do and have done to cultivate a sense of harmony and well-being. I know from experience that situations exist which trigger the feeling of well-being into something else, and I do my best not to allow that. I remind myself of the impermanence of life and all things material, and I know that every situation is a reflection of me. I take full responsibility for my reality and choose to appreciate where I find myself today. A great joy exists underlying each moment. Its our mind chatter that creates the jumbled emotions we feel that are less than joyful. Remember a time when you, fell in love, and youll know what I mean when I use the word joy. Its that sense that all is right in the world, that life has meaning, and that you are completely blessed. You can always have that joyful sense of being. It just takes a little work, and not really all that much. 51

MY DELUSION My self-image for many years told me I am unworthy of love. I am an ugly human being, and I should be ashamed of who I am. This is the concept of self that I have lived with most of my life. For many years I drank and I drugged my way through life. I chose to go to college because of the availability of psychedelic substances. I drugged my way through three years at Kent State in Ohio. I dropped out and drank my way to California. I became a bartender because I liked to drink. My image of me was so intolerable that I almost drank myself to death. I couldnt stand to be me without a little help. Matter of fact, I couldnt stand you if you liked me. In 2004 a doctor told me he wasnt really sure if I would make it to August even if I quit drinking. My idea of me began to change dramatically. For the first time in my life since I was 16 years old, I had to look into my mirror and see my face with nothing to soften the blow. The first six months of sobriety were rocky at best. I had to grow a beard so I could spend less time in front of the mirror. I couldnt stand it. Standing there shaving made me sick to my stomach and filled me with rage. I projected that rage everywhere for most of my life before and after my decision to remain sober. The longer I had to sit with myself, the more I let go of the rage and 52

healed. In some cases I look back and wish I had let go sooner. Through the past six years Ive been up and Ive been down. One thing is for certain, I have been fully responsible for it all. I have been romantically involved with some truly amazing women in my lifetime. Some so amazing, that I felt so very small and unworthy in their presence. To this day, I remember the lessons I have learned about me through them, and I can see how my own insecurities forced each of them out of my life. Only by trial and error have I made it to this point in time. However, today I am comfortable and free. I sit here in Ohio, just as I did when I first wrote this paragraph while sitting on the coast of Brazil, filled with joy, and gratitude. I am in awe of this thing called life. I have learned to let go easily of that thing in me that causes me to suffer. I have learned to be comfortable in knowing that my perspective is too tiny and too narrow to understand the vastness of the universe and all that has come to be. I have learned to feel a power greater than me.

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Chapter 5 MEETING A POWER GREATER THAN TIM


I still remember sitting on the bench in front of my favorite bar in Dana Point, California. It was early morning, August 15, 2004. I smoked a cigarette, sipped coffee from a pint glass, and waited for my poached eggs, ham, and wheat toast. My mind chewed over what Dr. Mark had told me during my visit in January. I had gone to visit him the second week of the year because I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I found it difficult to sleep. I was nervous and on edge. I thought I was going to worry myself to death. I felt hopeless and angry each day I opened my eyes and realized I had not died in my sleep. After about five days of not sleeping, I walked into doctors office crying and begging for help. I didnt know what else to do. Dr. Mark had known me for some time, and after a lengthy conversation, he told me that he would help me only if I quit drinking and using drugs while we worked together. I agreed. He contacted Joel, the owner of the restaurant I worked and vouched for me. Joel and Alford allowed me to keep my insurance, and held my position 55

for me while I got myself together. I cant begin to explain how grateful I am for those two in my life. A few weeks later, after some blood testing, I found myself being scolded by the Doc for still showing alcohol in my system. He was pissed that he went to bat for me and I would lie to him. But, it had been 18 days since my last drink, so I protested the results. Two weeks and three tests later Dr. Mark and his wife explained to me they had been searching for tickets to send me to Ohio to spend time with my family. Since the test results were showing improvement no flight would be necessary. The words of Dr. Mark played over and over in my head as I waited for my bowl of eggs, and side of ham, and buttered wheat toast. If your count didnt go down after this long Tim, it most likely wasnt going to. Id say about three months before your liver started to fail completely and youd probably be dead by mid-August if you hadnt quit the pills and booze exactly when you did. You will recover from this, but you may want to look at your lifestyle. As I put out my cigarette and returned to my barstool, Cram walked over to me and mentioned he hadnt seen me at any meetings in a while. It had been a few weeks. I gave my rant about AA meetings, religions, and cults, much to the chagrin of Cram. 56

He just said, Right on brother, lets go surfing tomorrow! I dont know why I agreed so easily. I had been mostly unsuccessful at surfing previously. But, for whatever reason I let Cram talk me into it. The next morning I met Cram for breakfast at Hennesseys and we loaded my 74 Stewart Fun Board into his van and bounced on down to Trestles in San Clemente. On the way, we talked a little philosophy. Cram suggested I think more about the concept of a power greater than myself right now, and forget about all that God stuff I have floating in my head. He bluntly said, Youre too angry at religion for God to help you man. Just get a power greater than yourself and youll be fine. I didnt quite understand why Cram laughed wildly as we started to paddle out. He was floating with a group of guys and still laughing as my struggle to get through the mound of whitewash and foam ended. When I finally made it over to the group Cram exclaimed, I cant believe you made it out past the breaker zone. Youre a wild man. Well, I guess youre going to learn to surf today Ohio! After explaining to me that it was an unusually large swell for that particular time of the year, and the fact that I even got out there took a little know-how, he and the 57

rest of the bobbing heads at Trestles decided to give me a crash course in surfing. They each took turns explaining just what to do in order to not get killed when attempting to drop in on those waves. Then they each took turns demonstrating. As Cram followed the procession of surfers off the point at Trestles he said to me, Take the next wave, so I can be in position just in case something goes wrong. I guess I really should have taken that as a cue not to take the next wave. But I didnt. I paddled myself into position at the peak of the wave, trying my best to point the nose of the board at an angle. I popped up just like I was instructed. I remember thinking something about how much steeper this wave was than the wave I used to attempt to surf just a mile or two down the coast nicknamed San O. I think I was still contemplating that angle and power of the wave as my face planted into the bottom of it. I cant really recall what I was thinking when that ton of water landed on my body and pushed me down beneath the murky, salty surface of the breaker zone at Lower Trestles, in San Clemente, California. I rolled around frantically under the power of that wave, trying, with all that I had, to not allow my body to gasp for the air it craved.

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I got my head to the surface just in time to take a much needed deep breath, just in time to be met by another wave. I looked up as a wall of foam crashed on my face, which is surprisingly a beautiful sight to see. I repeated this timing over and over again until I finally reached a spot outside the break zone. After I pulled the board back to my body, I decided to just float on back to shore and wait for my ride back to Dana Point. I dragged my body and carried my board across the rocky floor of the ocean. I plopped down and either coughed up or threw up salt water onto the wet sand. I sat there oblivious for a half hour while Cram surfed. When he emerged from the water, he laughed as he yelled out, How is that for a power greater than TIM! Youre surfing with me every day now brother. Worship the ocean if you have to, but Im draggin your ass with me every day. He kept that promise for the next six months, until we decided it was hopeless for me to continue to attempt surfing. I wouldnt revisit the water until some eight months later, thanks to Shaun Flowers. However, I began the search for a power greater than myself that continues to this day. Today, I sit each morning in stillness doing my best to connect with that source of all things manifest. I try to observe and connect with God and allow that

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connection to move me all because of that day when Cram tried to drown me just to make a point.

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Chapter 6 GOD: A SEMANTIC DISCUSSION


People keep getting lost in semantics about source. Lets try the best we can to get on the same page here. However you wish to call it, there is a zero point field in which all things exist as pure potential and from which all things manifest. It is beyond space and time, and beyond human understanding, but observation leads us to this conclusion. I freely use the word God, Universe, or Essence to describe this zero point field of potentiality. If you prefer to subscribe to a particular religious paradigm please do so. If you profess the belief in no God, that is your choice. If this is the case, just think of energy and the formation thereof. Think of the Big Bang theory. Go read about it if you have to, and see if you cant wrap your mind around what Im talking about. Based on your own experiences, study, and feelings you have created a paradigm/world view which helps your mind make sense out of the experience of living. All of humanity once held the paradigm that made it factual that the world was flat. It took one man who faced certain death to change that fact into what you know today.

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Lets not get lost again in the details. You have the choice to enhance your own understanding of your religious paradigm or lack thereof, or to take a defensive posture and miss the point of all this. Either choice is acceptable to me. The belief in God or the belief in Chaos, I can see the validity to either argument. Now from whichever description you wish to compare the thought to, contemplate the concept fully that an essence from which all things manifest, a place where all things are created and continue to exist, is at the core of your being.

LET THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE The area of consciousness that controls the automatic functioning of the brain also senses the frequency energy of the present. The dynamic system of the human awareness field of consciousness functions as a filter to recognize the different frequencies and vibrations of energy. The mind conceptualizes, separates and categorizes all of the frequencies in its field of awareness with intent and purpose. Call it the unconscious mind. Call it the sixth sense, if you will. Call it the soul. Call it God. I dont care what you call it. Just understand that before the moment the sensory data is conceptualized, the unconscious mind is aware of the situation. A chicken and the egg conundrum exist in that statement. Did the unconscious frequency create the observation or did the observation create the unconscious frequency? Really, who cares? Try not to get lost! 62

FIND I AM We have all lost sight of the truth of the I am essence of our origin. Without knowing the truth of the I am essence that flows through you, you will spend a lifetime chasing rainbows and butterflies. You will continue swimming in the shallow depths of prestige, power, lust, and possession. You will experience suffering to some degree or another. We have to begin to stop our minds from getting caught up in the semantic ramblings of who we are as individuals. We each must remove the veil of delusion that has us concerned more with getting, obtaining, and conquering, in an attempt to fulfill and complete ourselves. The struggle and strife we observe today are of our own making. We observe in the present moment the collective semantics of moments passed - a matrix of selfdelusion. Life is much easier than weve made it out to be. Many combinations of words speak of the same truth. It serves no one to compare, contrast, and protect any single paradigm of belief from others. Your faith is your faith, converting anyone to it is impossible without you first being completely congruent with the message. You cannot tell me of your prophet and the majesty of worshiping in your manner if your actions are not aligned. The words you use and the actions you take are absolutely meaningless. It is the vibration of your being that truly makes a difference. All day long you can 63

witness to me about the message of God, but if your heart is impure and your faith is wavering, your message is lost. If you believe the semantics written in the books of your religion to be true, then live them fully and let all witness the glory of its truth. You cant hold condemnation and compassion in your heart at the same time. They are not congruent. Your words will fall on deaf ears, and your actions are just empty and for show. I can talk about the concept of unconditional love and acceptance all day long, but when I get triggered into insecurity, and act like a jackass towards another human being, I am dishonoring the truth of being. I am not being congruent. I cant help anyone heal if I have not myself healed. If you hold in yourself a belief of truth, or subscribe to a religious faith, please do your best to stop the argument of semantics. It serves no one. Find common ground in the different philosophies of faith and use that common ground to expand the awareness of self. Move past any paradigm held within, and find the true essence of self. Find your own I am. MOUNTAINS OF SEMANTICS Take a moment now to place an image into your mind of a large mountain. At the very peak of that mountain is a vantage point to all of creation. From that vantage point youll notice many different paths that lead to the peak. 64

Each path is equally direct, and each path has its own detours and walls to climb. Sometimes the paths cross over one another. Eventually each path reaches the summit and clarity is offered. On some paths physical death must occur for clarity to be known, other paths make the summit available in a single lifetime. We will all get to the summit eventually, because we all came from that summit. The climber that is limited by perspective is the one still making the ascent. The climbers at summit are in such awe of the perspective offered that they care nothing about the paths meandering below. They only offer encouraging and empowering shouts from the top in all directions to all paths. As their shouts ring into the ears of those willing to listen, the message is taken, filtered through the individual paradigm as an exclusive message, and the lunacy of self-delusion continues to stunt the ascending beings. How much easier it would be if climbers on their respective paths yelled out encouragement towards one another? How much more enjoyable would the assent be if climbers cheered the entire way up, not just for those who share the trail, but also for all whom climb the mountain? The scientific or religious paradigm that helps you understand the nature and origin of the universe and your place in it is beckoning you to the path of personal freedom. You are meant to create a more aligned reality. Go beyond the concept of science or religion to the concept of the individual self and step into the empty void of 65

possibilities where separation is blurred and togetherness is evident. Ascend the mountain of consciousness to the summit and stare into the vastness of the void: the core of all things manifest. Detach from the concepts of science or religion for a moment and just be still. Now, return the mind with that stillness to examine the individual or global paradigm on which consciousness balances. Allow yourself to align your personal paradigm properly. We each hold delusions that have been passed through the generational time gap from the dawn of the history of man to the current point of observation. One of Buddhas most powerful teachings contained no words. It is written that he stood in front of thousands of monks holding a lotus petal without speaking a word. Hours went by with no words until the Buddha recognized the look of understanding and enlightenment overcome one monks face. At that point the Buddha rose and announced the lesson was finished, bowed and left. The idea in this story is that the wisdom of the stillness found in the lotus petals is ultimate freedom. By cultivating stillness within, one sheds the attachment to manifest form and clears and purges any dysfunctional paradigms. It is then that freedom is experienced and expressed. Compare these messages to that of any of the teachings of Christ, and differences are miniscule. For 66

example, the Sermon on the Mount verbalizes in a similar fashion the idea of stillness of being, and the faith of a mustard seed. The teaching of Tao Te Ching attributed to Lao Tzu expresses this concept throughout its teaching by suggesting that each act taken be the only act of the mind. The Vedas describe the paths to freedom and arrive at a similar conclusion. They all subscribe to the idea that both right and wrong are conceptualized by human beings. Therefore, I surmise that manifestation just is. If you cultivate detachment from self-identity, the truth of being will become known; the result is freedom. These stories are great, and the teachings are valid, but they were transcribed by travelers who were still on the path, as too are both you and I. The words were given to people who still operate with a paradigm that is attached to manifest reality. It only stands to reason that something may have been lost in translation. We have at work the human factor in all of this. Though the words of those books may be from a Divine source, man wrote them all down; often times after generations of oral teachings. It doesnt really make sense to believe that some form of literary licensing didnt take place in this process. More to the point, words are insufficient in explaining ultimate truth of reality or the nature of God.

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Chapter 7 THE GOOD AND THE BAD OF IT


Good and bad are nothing more than the concepts of our shallow minds. The nature of form is positive and negative charge in equal proportion. Duality, yin and yang, heaven and hell, whateverdont get so distracted. Defining manifest reality is the very thing that perpetuates the cycle of suffering that I have experienced and you are currently experiencing. All things manifest are at their nature impermanent and all feelings derived thereof share that quality. In this dance of opposites, healing the negative will unveil the positive thus allowing for the cultivation and appreciation thereof. Furthermore, concerning oneself with only the positive by ignoring the negative will inevitably lead to suffering as the faade cannot be kept forever. Nothing in manifest form would exist without an opposite charge of equal proportion. Affirming all day long the positive without honoring the presence of any so called negative within is an act of denial, rejection, and finally hostility. The idea of good and bad is conceptual, subjective, and only real to the mind and the experience of human consciousness. From the physical nature of the basic atomic structure on the periodic chart of elements, to the 69

complexities of human interaction, two sides to the proverbial coin exist. It is completely pointless for you or me to focus on the conceptualization of good or bad. The mind lacks the complete picture for that determination to be made. More than meets the senses happens in each moment. Individuals are incapable of grasping the full scope of reality enough to distinguish good or bad. Things just are. Remove the concept of good and bad from the mind. Free the mind of the laborious task of righting the world and you will learn the true majesty (essence?) of being.

THE SOURCE IS THE SOURCE OF COURSE OF COURSE If you hold the idea that the hand of God is present in everything, then stop bitching and start enjoying! You must understand that what you observe with feeling will be represented in the future for you to observe. Your reality is not based on the actual conditions of current reality; it is based on your reaction to those conditions. Its all in your head. When you deny anything, it is a denial of the glory of God. Anything in manifest form, the form we can experience, that is denied by the mind, is a denial of the source essence from which it came. Denial in itself is actually a delusion. All of the thoughts you direct towards any energy allows for the perpetuation of that energy. The 70

essence from which all things manifest is bigger than, and more powerful, than you or I can conceive. The denial of any portion of that essence leads to the oddities of life we struggle against daily. If the source essence (God) expresses itself through all things manifest, including the localized field of human consciousness (you), then it stands to reason that all forms of denial are nothing more than a denial of the self as well as a denial of the source from which it came. The guy you wish you could just punch in the face is an aspect of the essence of all being. So punch yourself in the face for crying out loud and leave that dude alone. Well, ok again, you can punch his face if you have to. But please understand the minds denial through conceptualization is neither the purpose, nor the original intent, of the field of observational awareness. On the contrary, the level of consciousness that a person observes is really meant to experience and honor the essence of being as it flows through all things. As is its original intent, so follows the process of manifestation. Your observations and thoughts are an act of honor, even if you are denying something. The honor of observation or contemplation sends the message to the source of all essence what the observer wishes to experience. No distinction is made between observations and contemplations. It doesnt matter if you experience it or imagine it. The minds thought energy translates the same. So, as you see, it is imperative to direct the mind

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carefully and intentionally through each moment, with each breath. Think back to all the thoughts you remember having today. What did you think about most? All of those ideas are now trying to manifest for you. You are so cherished that every thought of your being manifests for your future enjoyment. Choose wisely. THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I readily admit that my observations of the material world convince me of the damnedest things. My observations and misperceptions have created some very negative experiences in my life. I will even more readily point out that your observations about life do as well. Humanity as a whole is caught in a selfperpetuating cycle of suffering. Something in us distracts us as our observations are being processed and conceptualized. As we contemplate the moment in time just witnessed, the present moment slips from our awareness. It has been my experience that most of the messages and opportunities of the present moment usually pass unnoticed. We are each too busy in contemplation. The tricky part about life is the fact that our contemplations create our reality. If we all spent less time contemplating and more time enjoying those little kinks and defects we experience, those kinks would begin to correct themselves on their own. I dont mean to bury 72

your head in the sand, but at some point we must look past the material world. We each have a paradigm, a set of deeply held concepts, believed to be true, which creates the perspective from which life is observed. Statements like, life is hard out there, or the economy is tough all over the world, come from and help form the collective paradigm. We each have these statements of fact accessible in the recesses of our minds and the reality of reality is very subjective as a result. It is all held together by a collective agreement. In the history of man the world was flat, man couldnt fly, and communication only happened face to face. It was from the unfailing belief in a different reality, from a few select individuals, that altered reality as we know it. Had any of the great men and women of history bought into the current paradigm of their respective times, life would be drastically different today. Henry Ford was told for years, by his engineers, that his engine could not be built the way he envisioned it. Edison failed thousands of times to make a workable light bulb. Galileo faced death because of his discoveries. The idea of bending metal and transporting hundreds of people across thousands of miles through the air in just a few hours at one point was absolutely ludicrous. Yet, here I am, able to book a ticket to visit faraway lands on a moments notice. I can contact most people I know anywhere in the world instantly.

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Growing up, I learned from a wild haired maniac that everything is energy and light. Yes, mass is but an illusion, and still, so very few of us have any clue whatsoever as to just how miraculous life really is. We all have worries and pressing concerns that occupy our time and energy while life just passes us by. My mind seems to be easily distracted by the appearance of reality. I find it very easy to take the suggestion of limited resources and finite energy from major media, movies, and conversations throughout my day as fact. Looking back, I know that I started out in life believing in instability, disharmony, limitations, and insecurity. My life has always been a reflection of those beliefs. During each phase of my now 34 years, I have regularly felt a lack of worth, a lack of hope, and alone in this world. I have observed and discovered that we all have an individual paradigm that basically robs of us the majestic experience of being, sad but true. I have come to the realization that my own beliefs hinder the truth of the essence of my being from flowing freely into this world. You and I are much more than we give ourselves credit for, and we are much more capable of experiencing happiness than we allow ourselves. We stand in our own way and choose suffering over bliss. We observe effect and ignore the cause. We contemplate the meaning of me, instead of the meaning of us. For the most part, the type of happiness I have experienced during my life has been dependent on outside conditions.

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I chased proverbial dragons much of my life. I have a list of things I want to buy, places I want to see, and awards I want to receive. At one point in time I thought any one of, or maybe all of those things would make me happy. I discovered the hard way that this type of happiness is not my goal. I beat my head against that wall for many years. Ok, I still sometimes beat my head against that wall. What can I say? The only way I am able to walk on water is with a surfboard beneath my feet. I have, however, discovered that my true aim is to cultivate a detached state of calm, peace, and blissful being while striving for the financial conditions that allow me to own and drive an Aston Martin DB9. Is that too much to ask? I dont think so. Some form of rejection takes place when I reduce the universe of energy and matter into a concept in my mind. I watch my mind throughout the day as it gets lost conceptualizing the world around me. I find it nearly impossible to realize that manifest form, the world I experience (maybe perceive), is in a continual state of flux. The concept that the solidity of matter is a trick of sensory data as interpreted by my mind escapes my realization most moments of my day. I often forget, or maybe ignore, the futility of trying to define reality and the origin nature of being. Good thing that I do or you wouldnt really be reading these words at this moment, would you?

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I have tried my best to wrap my noodle around the impermanence of material form, but the experience of my life through each day distracts me from that realization. I mean, this all seems solid to me. It all feels pretty real. I slipped on some moss at the beach the other day. That rock seemed solid enough to my arm as I scrapped across it on my way into the ocean. The memory of the barnacles that were introduced to my elbow came forth as I slipped my shirt on today. So, telling my mind that none of it is real just seems stupid some days. On such days, I must sit silently and remind myself that my consciousness observes all things according to its own paradigm, and reality may not be exactly as I interpret it. I believe that my soul is energy. As I distract myself with the perils of material survival, the energy of my being becomes dull and dense. The truth of manifestation is often rejected by my mind. Like I said earlier, I get caught up in the tiny details that make reality dense. Essentially, my life is reduced to a semantic argument, a search for meaning through words, phrases signs and symbols all from my very limited perspective. Too often, I allow my mind to become distracted by stuff like bills and credit scores. When my attention is not focused, and my energy is not centered, everything in my awareness field, from the cells of my body, to the numbers in my bank account, manifest differently. I am able to realize this because I have been very vigilant in observing myself, even though I often fail to be vigilant in my actual 76

practice of being. In this I have learned my need to take control of the semantic arguments that occupy the forefront of my mind. It is those semantic arguments that trigger my emotional state of being, and from my emotional state of being comes the perpetuation of manifest reality - a reality that I have co-created. When my energy gets trapped in a semantic discussion of should have been or should have said, an imbalance manifests. Immediately, this happens in my emotional state of being, and later in my experience with the world around me. On the way to work, I might remember a conversation with a friend of mine that triggered a sense of hurt in me. I will then play out different scenarios and conversations where he and I joust with words. I play out things I should have said, and will say next time to a T. While doing so, I create energy; emotions well up inside of me. If I keep with the role playing I am creating my future. The energy that moment creates is an indicator to whatever it is that creates our experience that those emotions are our preferred state of being. We are using our power all wrong here. Emotions are valuable and useful for us. Emotions are our internal guidance system, yet no one taught us how to use them. We allow our minds to change our emotional state of being, which in turn cocreates what we observe in the future. Each of us is deluded by a concept of individuality. We spend all of our waking hours noticing the differences in our being by 77

comparing our concept of self to all other things manifest. Each of us holds some idea of who we are and how life should be. We expend great mental, physical, and emotional energy to make the should come to be. As long as everything is close to the way we want it to be, we stay relatively happy. But, our happiness is still at this point relative: A+B = happy for too many of us. That seems to be the equation of happiness for humanity. My mind finds it difficult to accept the things that I experience and observe daily. The actions of people around me, the things I see on the news, and some of the current conditions of my life are quickly rejected by my mind. I have worked diligently to accept all that is as it is. I have struggled with doing so all too often. I recently realized that my rejection of whatever is present in my awareness field is actually a condemnation of the essence of all being (God, Source, Tao). It doesnt match up for me to believe in a source of creation, and a binding force common in all manifest forms, and at the same time profess that something is wrong. The two concepts are seemingly incongruent. Yes, I agree that many things that we have helped create miss the point. Many things in this world are strange to me. But, the simple reality is, I am witnessing the effect of a collection of causes, and ignoring the cause of all cause. For some reason I have formed this habit as an attempt to make sense of me, make sense of you, and make sense of this world. Somehow, my rejection of you has made me feel better, but, never for too long. 78

Chapter 8 OUR THOUGHTS CREATE THE FUTURE


The imagination of our minds is powerful. What we imagine becomes our reality. As I imagined being broke due to my schedule at work, it was so. I could have spent the equivalent of a full day a month imagining my perfect life and planning the steps to achieve it. Yet, I chose to worry about why I had been getting the worst shifts at work. By imagining negative scenarios, my energy is not centered or vibrating in the correct pattern that will attract new and exciting opportunities. When I imagined being broke, I was conceptualizing lack, and therefore harmonizing my state of being with it. By conceptualizing lack, I have, in essence, honored the lack of money and placed the request for that experience to happen in the future. I ask and I have received. All is right in the world. God is good. Ive found that at any level of material success, in any location in the world, I bring one thing and one thing only: myself. I have discovered that I am not my body, not my history, not my social affiliations, or my world-views. 79

I am a human apparently attempting to learn the art of being. Consciousness is localized in my body. I have recently gained the experience of bliss, love, and freedom unmatched in material form. I observe now perfection unfolding in all that I see. Call it what you will, I call it the Divine Spark. Once I became aware of the Divine Spark of all things manifest, I found it impossible to reject anything in my awareness field; and thats where true freedom begins. This is where the power of the present moment of now is felt, and known. This is the truth that will set you free. But, this is a big challenge to remember day in and day out. It is all too easy for me to ignore the awareness of the Divine Spark ever present and create a state of discontent.

MUSTARD My experience of life is all about me, and your experience of life is all about you. All things that manifest into your awareness field can represent an aspect of your being, and you manifest that with which you vibrate the most. Material form is finite. Energy clusters too are finite and ever changing, yet there is an essence that is expressed consistently throughout eternity in a constant state of expansion and contraction. You are that. You are the image of God. You are the holy trinity. You are the emptiness from which all things manifest. You are nothing. You are everything. Its all about you. The core of your being is the pulse and a 80

rhythm of essence expressing itself through all atoms of the world of material form. With a quiet enough conscious mind and a clear enough unconscious paradigm you will find the essence of being: empty stillness. From the empty stillness of being all things manifest into your life according to thought and through action. The teachings of Christ tell us that a man who cultivates the faith of a mustard seed can say to a mountain, Move into the sea, and the mountain will have no choice. Lets look at that statement for a minute. A mustard seed does not worry that one day it will not grow to its fullest potential. At no point in its journey does it say, You know what, maybe I should be an apple tree. A mustard seed does not sit in the soil complaining how muddy it is and how there are no sunny days. As it reaches the surface is doesnt stop growing because it sees human beings walk by and ignore it as they walk over smell a rose. No, it does none of that. The mustard seed basks in the light of being. It allows the combination of the elements of the earths atmosphere, the soil, even our acidic rain to fuel its natural growth. As it basks in the light, its complete essence is realized. Towards the end of the season, the now mustard plant doesnt look back and say, I should have done that differently, nor does it cling onto the vestiges of manifest 81

form trying to escape its descent into the abyss as winter approaches. The roots dont complain as they lie dormant, frozen in the ground for months. When the new season comes, and the natural rhythm of growth pulses, the universe hears no complaints. What was once a seed restarts its journey with no mind of being different, with no mind of the past, and no thought of the future. All of creation exists selflessly and in a state of stillness in the same manner as the mustard seed; all except human beings. Weve lost sight of the art of being, by conceptualizing the self. Even our most selfless acts are selfish. Helping people in need triggers a good feeling in me. I know more than one person who is continually of service because they love the attention they receive when they talk about it. None of my altruistic acquaintances realize the implications of their actions. They feel good building homes, volunteering, and thinking they are making a difference. I feel good writing this book, and coaching people on spirituality. So I guess Im a little selfish too. I believe that in order to learn to be completely selfless, we each must follow our motivations more clearly. When we go out into the world to save it, who are we really saving? When we help, are we doing it to be of service or do we want to make mommy and daddy proud? Or better yet, do we want to make them frustrated? Is your motivation coming from your sense of self, or is it the 82

will of the essence of your being that rose from stillness? Ill answer this one for you. Its a little of both. HERE. BELIEF OR FAITH?? Lets say I get into a relationship with another amazing woman. Entering the new relationship, what I realize is, while I have cleared all of my self-worth and esteem issues I have not yet cleared my paradigm of the belief that women stray in relationships. As the new relationship unfolds, I believe the essence of love that I share with her will uproot the idea in the paradigm that does not match unfaithfulness. When it comes up as a thought in my mind, I must address it and clear my mind of that thought at once. If I spend time thinking about all the proof that women are unfaithful to even to the most loving men, then I will unconsciously create the conditions in our relationship that support the actions I fear most. I do this by being controlling or needy, not listening to her enough, and/or ignoring her needs. In my fear that shell be passionate with another man, I will alienate her just enough that it actually happens. I might get overly focused and busy with some project and make little time to foster our relationship, but that too stems from an unconscious manifestation of the concept in my paradigm I forgot to clear (the one that says women stray in relationships).

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It is not her; it is me who creates the situations in my life. Had I cleared the paradigm of unfaithfulness before we met, our meeting may have never sparked the relationship in the first place. Yeah, its that tricky. So, as you can see, it is best to clear the mind of any preconceived misconceptions, as those misconceptions will be one day experienced and observed. If we dont begin to recognize the mirroring effect of the unconscious mind, we will continue to perceive that the current situations in our lives happen solely outside of ourselves. When we do so, the meaning we give to current events will be sent back into the unconscious paradigm and thus reinforced. All my life I have waited for the other shoe to drop, and it always has. The reason: all of my life I have held the paradigm that I am meaningless, worthless, and wont ever amount to anything. So, here I sit, just back from Brazil, renting a trailer in Buffalo, Ohio, a town of 600 people in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. I am asset poor, I am in debt to companies and family, and spend much of my time alone. The only way out of any of this is to change the energy that flows through me. I know from experience that an essence of peace, tranquility, and love flows freely through me. I also know from self-reflection that the essence of my being harmonizes with the paradigm of my unconscious mind, which has been inharmonious. I see that everything I experience is in accord to the unconscious beliefs I hold about life being unsafe, dangerous, and overall, pretty pointless. I have failed to connect on a level 84

of friendship to maintain relationships. I have failed to succeed in creating a secure financial structure. I have failed to follow my bliss. I have succeeded in manifesting that which I held as true. I have achieved exactly the level of success I believed I deserved and was capable of. I am what Ive said I would be. But, now I know how to change it all. My paradigm is now clear of those things and I know the truth of the essence of my being. It is only a matter of time that outside conditions manifest in kind. HOW I CREATED MISERY Lets use a real life example of what I am talking about. Since, Its All About Me, I will use my life as an example of how stuff goes wrong. For the better part of 3 years I worked in a restaurant in Venice, California. The management position had about a six-month shelf-life. This is not too uncommon in our business; but it does say something about the company structure. Just before the arrival of the new manager, I started a relationship with a co-worker, (not smart I know), but she is an amazingly seductive woman and I went against my better judgment. I knew the first time she came over to my apartment that I should not get involved. When I cuddled with her while watching a movie I could tell she was not the girl for me, but I liked her attention. It felt good to feel wanted by someone who was wanted by every guy I knew. So I started hanging out with her. 85

A few months into the relationship our restaurant hired a new general manager. He acted as if he had a mission in life to change the world as it pertained to this little restaurant. He brought in a gang-load of new people, mostly life-long friends of his. At the same time he became a little combative and condescending with the staff he inherited. I sat back and noticed some odd things about him and did a little digging. The guy was not really on the up and up. He lacked integrity, and I felt he was capable of robbing the place blind without losing much sleep. I found out later that my instincts were correct. He lined his pockets before he sent the numbers to the corporate offices. He stole cases of booze, and his friends all ate for free. Now, I have never really been one to be able to hide what I feel about a person. I am a heart-on-my-sleeve kind of guy. This guy immediately started to pick up on my contempt for him. His own insecurities came out when he was around me, and I was often too quick to point them out to him. Naturally, he began to assert his dominance in our social contract of General Manager and Bartender. The first thing he did was schedule his friends to work shifts that were promised to me during Cinco de Mayo in a Mexican themed bar in Los Angeles. To this, I didnt react that well. I confronted him. I told him outright that I had witnessed him lying several times and didnt like being railroaded. He sat there on a case of liquor and denied it all without ever looking me in 86

the eyes. I knew he was running a hustle, but he had the ear of the absentee owner. He proceeded to paint a horrible picture of me, and I made it very easy for him to do so. Like I said, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Each day, the moment I showed up to work, my state of being immediately took on an angry, aggressive tone. I began to be hostile while working, which isnt always the best trait of a bartender. Things got a little ugly, and feelings got a little hurt. Yet today, I thank God for that situation. It is what sent me to the waterside for a week of contemplation, and finally to the point of following a lifelong dream of writing a book. I have taken full responsibility for situations that have occurred in my life. I harmonized myself to become a victim of circumstance, and experience lack, frustration and acted from a place of hostility. Lets go back in the timeframe of that point in the history of Tim McAuley a bit. As my relationship with the server continued in secret, things started to change a little for me at work. I couldnt tell some guys to back off. Every shift we had together my focus was on her, and which guy was asking for her phone number. I couldnt reveal the fact she and I were together. It nearly drove me crazy some days. Co-workers would talk about her in ways that enraged me, and hit on her while we worked. I would hear about what she was like when I wasnt working; and the stories made me nervous about her level of 87

commitment to monogamy. All of this added up and begin triggering insecurity in me. Insecurity in romantic relationships is common in my history, but for this woman it seemed as if it was her mission. She continually communicated to me the parts of me she found less than acceptable. She made little comments about me being too skinny. She seemed to like to point out male bodies that didnt match mine and how sexy she thought they were a trigger of insecurity in me. As the relationship progressed my state of being became more insecure. Enter now the aforementioned new manager and you can see how I created a less than ideal situation for myself. Two months into that relationship we lost a baby, two close friends of mine died, and my father had a heart attack during my visit home. It is easy to imagine my state of my being during this time of my life. I felt the world had closed in on me. I felt abandoned, scared, and lost. In two short months, I went from feeling like I could own the world to wanting to chew on the barrel of a gun. I found it difficult to pay rent as I kept loosing shifts for really questionable reasons. I tried to talk to the owner about my situation at work, but it all fell on deaf ears. On the surface, it was easy for the owner to take the side of the manager. The picture he painted of me was one of a less than desirable employee, and on a few occasions he was right.

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At one point, I begged my girlfriend to stop invalidating me. Funny right? I wanted her to validate me when I couldnt myself. I really couldnt find a way out of it all, so I just walked away. When I walked away, I decided I was no longer fighting life. If other people are in some silly competition with me, they win. Im out. So, I just sat on the wall next to boardwalk in Venice, California staring into the vastness of the Pacific Ocean and contemplated my life all to discover I did all of this to myself. I discovered that my observation and experience relates back to my unconscious paradigm, and the unconscious brings me into situations that match my observations. The law of attraction, I found works with or without me creating a dream board. I found that I harmonize my being with thoughts of inadequacy and find myself in situations that trigger me to feel inadequate. So, say this next statement to yourself: Its All About Me. This is true for me, and it is true for you. I then took a job in a Latin themed nightclub in the heart of Downtown Los Angeles, California. It started out well enough. In one month at my new job, I went from stocking beer to being in the bartending rotation. Then a new manager came in, and patterns began to emerge. He started to throw his power around, and I began to worry about making money. The worry vibrated a sense of lack in my being. In return, I experienced the lack of money, and my schedule at the nightclub reinforced my sense of lack week by week. 89

During that time I had effectively reduced the abundance of the universe from infinite potential into one central source. From that perspective the nightclub that employed me became the source of money. Since money is my source of financial wellbeing and security, my mind made this job the source of my security. Infinite ways exist for me to collect numbers in bank accounts and pieces of currency into my possession. I shut my senses down to any of these possibilities each time I worry about my schedule or focus on lacking the current funds to pay my bills. When I observe lack in my life I create lack in my future. Each thought in my mind possesses the power of creation. I have come to realize that my financial lack stemmed mainly from a feeling of being undervalued. I projected my lack of self-esteem onto the individual in charge of scheduling at one location on the planet. The manager at that nightclub, just like the manager at my previous job, was all too willing to schedule me in a manner to reinforce my lack of security. I have since discovered that I was unable to sense possibilities presenting themselves to my then present moment as my mind was worried about finding the money to pay my bills. I dissipated my energy and closed myself off to any other opportunities that could have possibly offered value to my bank account and I helped perpetuate temporary situations with my continual focus on the tiny details that made up the story my mind was telling me.

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Time after time I find myself in the same relationship over and over with different faces and names. My boss at the new club dramatically affected my schedule, which triggered emotions that mirrored my previous job experience. I began changing my focus, and it became evident that it was not the outside conditions, but my inner being that was creating this chain of events. Well, I did kind of provoke this guy a little. Im not a fan of authority figures flexing up on me just for the fact of position. So when a guy continually asserts his dominance towards me, I smile with a cockiness that says you are a meaningless little turd in this toilet bowl. Then the following week I wonder why it is I am getting shafted on shifts. My invalidation of his (my managers) Divine nature was reflected fully in his invalidation of me as an employee.

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A n o t h e r Sp e c i al N o t e F r o m T i m M c A u l e y r e g a r d i n g t h e c o n t e n t o f t h i s d o c u m e n t : I hope youre enjoying my book. Do you think your friends would like to check it out? Send them a message by clicking either or both of the links below.

If you havent already connected with me in someway via facebook or twitter please do so. I would love to hear any feedback of this sample. If youve purchased the actual book, I would love to connect with you. Maybe I can come out to where you are and sign your copy.

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Chapter 9 DISCOVERING THAT MY REAL GURU IS A DOUCHE


At that point I realized I will never escape this pattern of reality and overcome my financial karma of being broke until I take steps to clear the paradigm that has created these conditions. Since I can only take steps in the present, the tool who managed the nightclub in Los Angeles that employed me became my guru. I have for a while found it necessary to discover the qualities I dislike about others, and then take time to find those qualities in myself and embrace them. Across the street from the Staples Center I discovered my inner fat kid needs some love. I saw that I must embrace and heal my inner douche bag in order for the essence of my being to fully be free. It was, and is, my goal to experience and express unconditional love. But, if I only direct my love at those things I enjoy, my love is not unconditional. In doing the inner work to find commonality between a bar manager and myself in Los Angeles, I began to find a sense of freedom. The energy between him and me changed. I stopped rejecting him. I began to accept him as he was and not how I wanted him to be. I looked at him as if he were a potential Buddha and tried daily to see 93

the spark of Christ radiate in his heart. Doing so made it much harder to call him a douche. Not one word was exchanged, and my schedule began to shift. I found myself making pretty decent money, on pretty good shifts, and actually having a really great time at work with him.

MY PARADIGM OF MONEY I mention each scenario separately, but the separation does not exist. What am I describing is all about worth issues, insecurities, and an inferiority complex. I can relate each relationship and each condition of my current reality to my personal belief structure, my paradigm. All of my observations and experience in the present moment mirror the paradigm through which my essence (soul) has expressed itself. My consciousness reacts from a triggered state according to its paradigm. It brings up automatic responses from the unconscious. Many times, that response is associative in its nature. It carries with it the power of the memory of similar events. The unconscious mind takes over, and like a puppet, the conscious mind follows its lead. I learned from my relationship with a bar manager of a nightclub in downtown Los Angeles that freedom comes from clearing the paradigm. Take for instance my paradigm as it pertains to money. I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian 94

Mountains in South Eastern Ohio. My dad was a steel worker all of my life and a proud member of the AFL-CIO. The union put a roof over my head, and food on my table. My mom, for most of my childhood, worked in a drycleaner. Most days she would be the only person in the place, doing 3 jobs at once, and rarely ever saw an increase in wages. For the area I lived in, two incomes and the union wages my dad brought in, the family income was more than enough to live a very nice lifestyle. But, we still lived paycheck to paycheck. The money just never seemed to accumulate. Subsequently, talks about money were never a good day in that house. From the combination of the paradigms of my two parents, I have one of the best work ethics of anyone I know. I learned from my dad to show up and give all that I have to what I do. I learned from my mom to do what you need to do to get by. My dad once said to me after I quit my first job, You agreed to the wage, you do the work. Dont work for the money, and if you dont like the wage, find a new job. I am very happy with the sense of honor I have as part of my money paradigm. It is a good trait to be able to show up and suit up. Unfortunately, I also formed in my paradigm the idea of a week-to-week lifestyle. I bring in money, I spend money. The more I earn, the more I spend. I learned very little about investing or cash flow from my parents. I learned a lot about trading hours for wages and hoping to get insurance coverage. 95

In the past 10 years I have been lucky enough to have some really amazing jobs tending bar up and down the California Coast. But, no matter the amount of cash I brought in, I never really seemed to accumulate a savings or any form of investment. Money came, I spent it. When I drank, it went to booze. When I got sober, well, Im not really sure where it went. I just didnt seem to keep hold of it. I worked two years at the most lucrative job Ive known and had very little to show for it. My paradigm on money did not contain the word asset in it. I did get a nice SUV, but the loan rate was ridiculous. My money paradigm did not contain a healthy credit score. My money paradigm matched my selfesteem, and apparently my self-esteem was in the red. In clearing my paradigm of money I have discovered some very interesting things about myself and about money itself. I have learned to see past that delusion as well. Life is good. Life is abundant. Money is just another aspect of life that ebbs and flows.

MONEY DOES NOT EQUAL WORTH I know many men and women who have all the money they will ever need and little to no self-esteem. The difference is, they hold a paradigm that makes money work for them, though their lack of self-esteem follows the same pattern as mine has. Spend money to buy things that make me feel worthy. Spend money on other people so 96

they will like me. Spend money. Spend money. Spend money. I have seen a few very wealthy men in Los Angeles who appear to do nothing more than overcompensate for a paradigm of worthlessness. The cars they buy, the bars they own, and the way they speak to people all are indications of the insecurity of their being. Everything in their lives from their business to their wife is a trophy for them to prove to the world they are good enough. The only difference between some people with wealth and the people begging for change is the paradigm for obtaining and controlling assets. The guy living next to the pier didnt learn the game or just quit playing it all together. The guy who owns two restaurants and several million dollars of assets just has better focus on getting money and buying things that make him feel better about himself. Thats it. Worth does not equate money. Dont get it in your head that holding a vibration of self-worth will bring millions of dollars into your bank account. It most likely wont. But if you hold in your mind a picture of a reality that is outside the one you currently experience, and take action steps towards the realization of your desire you will experience that which you desire. If you think anything you can obtain or experience outside of yourself will provide you with lasting feeling of comfort, safety or security, youre going to be chasing your own tail for quite some time. The material results are 97

based on your actions. They are not the happiness that you desire. They just help trigger it from time to time. We are better suited to find happiness first and then take steps towards material success.

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Chapter 10 FORMING THE PARADIGM


From the day of birth to around the age of six, consciousness is slowly awakening in a human body. The wave functions in the brain are at a level sensitive to new concepts and learning. Our brains are like little sponges for information at that point in life. Consciousness learns its bodys functions and autonomy, and it learns to communicate to the bigger people it sees. The mind begins to understand certain limitations of being in material form. Along with the fact that the body cant fly, or walk through walls, the forming consciousness picks up on the verbal instructions of the other people in the field of awareness. The idea of its separate identity begins to form, and consciousness starts to realize its unique expression. Information that helps form the paradigm of each localized consciousness is both direct and indirect. Every bit of information from the energy surrounding us is somehow picked up and registered in the unconscious mind. When we first start out in life, we are ultra-receptive. The energy of a household can sometimes be different than what is verbalized, and both concepts will make it to the paradigm forming in the unconscious mind of our children. The unconscious mind 99

is able to pick up on more than what the conscious mind verbalizes. Once we are able to start making observations, we begin to form our inner paradigm defining the facts of life. As we become aware of our own autonomy (individuality), we attempt to make sense of the world. The bigger people around us do the best they can to guide us to some conclusions more quickly. Unfortunately those bigger people are completely delusional and what we each get is a unique perspective based on the combined delusions of countless people in our lives. By about the age of six each of us has usually formed our own delusional paradigm, which we spend the rest of our lives changing very little. Basically the deepest part of your mind is like a six year old. Oh, come on you know Im right. You and your little temper tantrums that you hide from the world, with that little voice in your head that runs around screaming all day for attention, and demanding that everyone tell you how pretty you are. You know its there. Own it baby! Its just part of who we think we are. From this early age, when you formed a personal paradigm that defines reality for you, the conscious and unconscious parts of your mind began to guide and cocreate your experiences. During the earliest years of your life, you held certain emotional vibrations due to whatever circumstances you experienced at the time. Your life from that point till now has been a cycle of wash, rinse, and repeat. 100

You have lived the same two or three year state of being over and over again for a lifetime. We find ourselves here again in a chicken and egg question of what comes first, unconscious communication to the conscious mind or vice versa. My take on it is that both are equally responsible for the unfolding and experience of reality. Once you have a better grasp on the situation you will be able to clear from yourself the burden of self more easily. Here is what I see happening. The unconscious mind registers the frequency of all that has manifested into form in the vicinity of consciousness. All things that manifest have a frequency. The recognition of a particular frequency or frequencies triggers neurochemical and biological responses that communicate to the conscious mind a definition of reality. During this, the conscious mind is observing that which has manifest and is busy looking for possible dangers or some hint of recognition. Images and ideas are triggered through all of this to give consciousness a reference point to explain the present moment. We spin ourselves in circles trying to conceptualize ourselves into feeling safe, when no real reason exists to ever feel insecure. The images in your mind that are from the paradigm of a six year old are only useful if understood as such. It is easier to clear the concept of self when you understand how silly the idea is and how small it makes the essence of you.

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So, here we find ourselves. Our consciousness observes manifest reality and starts pontificating about the reality of the present moment. Mind chatter fills the awareness field with scenarios of possible outcomes and conversations to rectify a perceived threat to the security, validity, or power of the conscious being. You will find it useful to learn to review the thoughts and conversations of yesterday for a moment. What do you realize? How often were you in a state of defensiveness? How about a state of panic? How often did you feel overwhelmed, hurried, rushed, or invalidated? How much of yesterday were you in a state of pure bliss, ecstasy and unconditional love? Tell me about yesterday, and Ill get really close to predicting your future.

THOUGHTS ARE MIXED AND SHAKEN OR STIRRED Each of us is animated by conscious thought and an unconscious paradigm moment by moment. The essence of being (soul) flows from the source energy of all things manifest (God) through the unconscious paradigm and reconfigures its energy to harmonize. This act of harmony provides direction to consciousness. Harmony tells our consciousness where to direct its attention.

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The thoughts flowing in that stream of consciousness are bursts of energy from the essence of being harmonizing with the beliefs of the unconscious paradigm. At that level, all things just are, it doesnt matter if we conceptualize the belief as good or bad. As the thoughts reach consciousness and are captured by the mind, that concept in the paradigm is honored and kept. Then the process of manifestation begins and at a later time we experience an event that triggers a state of being that matches what we have honored with our attention. The reality your consciousness observes and experiences moment to moment is a product of this process. Everything from the tension in your shoulders, to the hostile work environment, to the experience of deep love is a product of this process. Somewhere along the line you held certain beliefs about all of it, and therefore it came to be. If that which you experience currently is not aligned with what you had thought previously, all you just have to do is wait for it. MIND CHATTER We each hold a paradigm that suggests to us that certain outside conditions must exist in order for us to find peace and tranquility. We frantically scan the present moment in search of threats to our safety. Part of our mind is still in search of the lion in the bush. Think about it. How long can you go without thinking about something bad that has happened or could 103

possibly happen? How many times do you run scenarios of conversations in your mind that youll have in the future or think about things you shouldve said in the past? Thats what Im talking about here. That stuff is crazy. If half of the chatter that floats in your mind were to come out of your mouth as you walked down the street, youd be classified as insane. I used to walk past a few guys every day that would spout their stream of consciousness for all to hear. I am surprised when they get odd looks from people. The only difference between you and that guy who lives in a blue van covered in bumper stickers down near Muscle Beach in Venice is the fact that your filter is working. Think about it; if you were say all that is on your mind, you would look like an incoherent mess to the other people around you. That is one of the reasons why we get so scared that people are going to reject us, because we each know how crazy we really are. Now that weve established that you are completely delusional and a little insane, let me try to explain some things that help you know the truth of yourself a little deeper. Hopefully this truth will make you free. The semantic stream of consciousness robs each of us the experience of the present moment. As my mind uses energy to form thoughts, I miss countless turning

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points and monumental discoveries as they unfold in the present moment. The moments I spent in 2009 worried whether or not one person liked me enough, or if I was good enough or smart enough, or wealthy enough, have all led me to the experience of what I am seeing today. Not much has changed really. I left a job to work for a guy who I thought was a tool. He obviously didnt like me, and took every opportunity to flex his managerial muscles at me. I left that job and moved to Brazil. I had no money, and no way to make any. My destiny and security fell completely in the hands of someone else. Let me tell you, its not a good spot to be in. I went from feeling worthless and undervalued to powerless and imprisoned. Every decision was made for me. Where I went and when, the time that my bills were paid, and even the times that I could leave the place I stayed. I went from the pot to the fire. In the thick of the moment, it has proven to be difficult for me to evaluate the situation and change the energy effectively. I have learned that I need to take time each day to meditate, pray, or set my intentions. I must take time to relax myself and center my mind, or I will allow the conditions of life dictate the state of my being. I often act poorly, and catch the lesson only after Ive removed myself from the situation. Too often in my lifetime, I have acted like a fully grown six year old.

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YOU ARE A VERY BIG SIX YEAR OLD AT BEST As much as I have, you have lived in a slightly changing state of being since you were. All of your experiences have been based on a paradigm that you just could not let go, and you have recreated a similar state of being your whole life. The ideas in your head of who you think you are started all the way back before you were six, and you havent really made much progress since then. Today, you may think that you are the boss of a whole division. But, emotionally you are pretty much still the little fat kid playing dodge ball; youve just found really great ways of making yourself appear and feel more powerful. Most of your actions each day are coming from the unconscious paradigm, which has varied only slightly since it was formed. The feelings of insecurity and lack of worth that I have been triggered to feel from time to time are not new to me. They have been coming back full circle since I was six. A sense of instability, insecurity, and lack of worth were somehow communicated to me at a very early age. My life has mostly reflected this up to the present moment, though, I have learned to clear my unconscious paradigm, and things are beginning to manifest very differently. Remember, Its All About Me and that goes for you too. Its all about you. It is just the natural order of things. Our beliefs create an energetic vibration which brings us into situations that challenge those beliefs. At this point, we 106

are best served by letting go of and clearing what is being challenged. Consider the fact that you are absolutely so much more than what your mind has convinced you. It does not serve you to reinforce your concept of self over and over again. You and I would certainly do better by trying to forget who it is we think we are. Reality is much more peaceful and kind than our minds and our actions have made it out to be. If we really want to make a difference in the world we only need to clear our energetic field of consciousness and allow our true essence of being freedom of expression. The expressions of lack, hatred, violence, and negativity are all the expression of essence as it collects the energy of beliefs held in the paradigm of mankind. I have often overcompensated for feeling small and insecure by verbally, physically, or energetically attacking other people. This is very common in many people I have known. We all seem to be stuck on the idea that we must assert our concept of self in order to be loved and feel secure. Now, I am fully aware of my habits to attack and defend. With this awareness comes great responsibility. It takes a lot of work and self-reflection to be clear. As I clear my own paradigm I find fewer reasons to feel attacked and act less and less from a place of fear. WE HONOR GOD WITH EACH ACT OF OBSERVATION The intent of the human mind is to honor the essence of all things manifest, both from within and in 107

everything we see. Think about how great your life would be if you really saw and felt God in everything. The mind is incapable of contemplating the actual full spectrum of the essence from which all things manifest (God). There are no words. Its just beyond the mind. All things manifest vibrate at a frequency that the mind can conceptualize. The conceptualization of events, people, and things, describes a particular frequency of the all-consuming essence that cannot be explained. As the mind focuses its attention, feelings are often triggered. The feelings that are triggered are a frequency of the essence of all things manifest. A feeling held by the mind long enough will begin the process of manifestation. This is how we get ourselves stuck on the wheel of Karma. We pay homage by giving our attention to that which has been formed, while ignoring that which formed it. FREQUENCY Our minds register and are aware of the frequency of the collective energy that each moment holds. That frequency, or vibe of the moment, is understood naturally and is communicated through the body, triggering chemicals to release into the body. A few nanoseconds later consciousness has a thought or recognizes a feeling. The mind cant fathom all that is happening in each moment, so it conceptualizes the information it picks up through this process. So, what the mind is observing has really already passed by the time words can form to describe it.

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Life is understood by the unconscious mind through vibrations. Sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste are sensory vibrations that produce a chemical response in the mind and body. The unconscious mind picks up and holds onto far more of the vibration than gets contemplated by the conscious mind. We know this as the sixth sense. A frequency of wave patterns are picked up by the senses and something inside us brings us to an understanding of what is going on around us. We are only slightly aware of the full spectrum of reality. Light patterns unseen by our eyes are around every moment we see. Frequencies of sound caress our eardrums continually and go unnoticed. Each of us has a different level of sensory awareness from which we interpret manifest reality. Think of a dogs hearing or sense of smell and youll get what I am saying here. The unconscious part of the mind picks up on the subtle energy beneath the sensory spectrum of the conscious mind. During the first few years of development the unconscious is somewhat of a blank slate. Quite possibly some type of paradigm is inherited through DNA. However, for our purposes here, let us focus on the paradigm as it is formed and what happens after.

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A F i n a l N o t e F r o m T i m M c A u l e y r e g a r d i n g t h e c o n t e n t o f th i s d o c u m e n t: Thats it folks. These are the pages that had one reader write to me the following Tim, these first 110 pages have given me an entirely new paradigm to live by, and have changed the course of my life forever. Scott Bradley A few days later Scott also emailed me this book gets better and better. I am so happy weve connected at this time in my life. Thank you for writing this book! I hope weve connected too.

And I really hope this book has had a similar effect for you as it has for the people who have already read it. Please share it with your friends. Help me get this PDF and my book into the hands of people who would love this message by pressing the buttons below.

Thank you for taking the time to check out my book. May your life be blessed always. ----Tim McAuley

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