Emotional Support of Care Partners

In some cases, the presence of Caregiving Team support can change the presenting need by assisting with some tasks. However, Team members can always affect the presenting need by providing emotional support through coming alongside the care partner and establishing a relationship. The first step in providing consolation to a person is offering companionship. The Team member might provide practical assistance, but it is the relationship that is formed in the process that is the essence of Caregiving Team ministry and a source of emotional support for the care partner. A care partner might have physical issues of mobility or vision that have cut her or him off from other relationships. One woman expressed it this way, I have an increasing need for loving care and companionship and decreasing resources to obtain what I need. Sometimes these changes occur suddenly and the care partner is still adjusting to these limitations and the emotions they create. The Team member cannot change or solve these problems. However, the ongoing trustworthy presence of the Team member creates a safe space where these feelings of loss and need can be expressed. Creating a personal relationship might be new for both parties, so the initial contacts may be exploratory as each learns from the other how to proceed. Generous listening, similar to the way Jobs friends sat with him, may be a good way to provide emotional support. Generous listeners make themselves available to a care partner by stopping their own need to talk and start to listen. A Team member suspends for the moment, ones own thoughts and interests and allows a care partner to do all the talking. The Team member can acknowledge what is being said, even repeat a summary of what the care partner says, to let her or him know it was heard. A Team member does not have to have a solution, indeed there may not be a solution; just allow a care partner to say all they want about the topic. Listening and companioning is ultimately more helpful than trying to fix. Providing emotional support is not about changing a care partners emotions, but about being with them and allowing them to name their emotions. It may be that the reality of their illnesses and circumstances has made their quality of life extremely fragile and future uncertain. It is not helpful to talk them out of feeling fearful or other valid feelings. If the Team member cannot see how they might feel that way, they could encourage them to talk to their doctor about unreasonable emotions that are consuming all their attention and energy. Their

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emotions or feelings may require a consultation with a professional counselor or therapist. It is not necessary for the Team member to attempt to make them feel better or drag them into a happy, more hopeful view. Just be present and hear them. Presence, communion with the sufferer, to use Wendy Farleys phrase, is a balm to the wounded spirit.that mediates consolation and respect that can empower the sufferer to bear the pain. (cited in Shelp and Sunderland, Sustaining Presence, 2000, p. 73). Another way a Team member can provide emotional support is to engage care partners in topics of reminiscence. Eric Erickson theorized that healthy adult development included a final developmental task which adults universally must address: integrity versus despair. Talking about ones life/career memories is a path toward integrity; that is, by making sense of ones memories and integrating them into the present circumstances and future decisions. This reminiscence is usually accomplished with a significant other, although most of the time not in a formal deliberate way. Team members are not trained to do life review in any systematic way, however, it can be a natural part of the companionship process. A Team member might ask care partners questions that would help them reflect on their past life-career experiences, such as the following: What advice would you give a young person who is starting a career? What was your favorite job? Why? Which years of your life, as you look back, were the most satisfying? Why? What have you thought about your legacy? What do you want it to be? What have you learned about having other people assist you? What has been the most difficult thing to cope with lately? How would you compare coping with recent things, compared to other challenges you faced earlier in your life? For further discussion during a team meeting, ask the following: 1. Recall a time where you received emotional support. What means of support were the most meaningful to you? 2. How can you encourage your care partner to reminisce? Reminiscing can open up closed emotions and be a very powerful experience. If you have concerns about a care partners reactions then consult with your clergy and Team leader for an appropriate referral. Engaging in this limited way to reminisce with a care

701 N. Post Oak Rd., Ste. 330, Houston, TX 77024 | 713-682-5995 info@interfaithcarepartners.org | www.interfaithcarepartners.org

partner is one way to provide emotional support because it may help a care partner to reestablish a connection with another person at a critical point in their journey and begin the process of integration.

Written by Marvin Hines

701 N. Post Oak Rd., Ste. 330, Houston, TX 77024 | 713-682-5995 info@interfaithcarepartners.org | www.interfaithcarepartners.org