Matthew 18 Community - Part 4 - The Nature of Conflict Introduction Jesus once said, "where two or three are gathered

in my name...there will be conflict!" Actually, that's not quite right, but it brings up a very valid point. Conflict, like death and taxes, is a certainty. You can try your best to avoid it, but where two people interact with one another (at home, work, church or even at the level of international politics) there is bound to be tension leading to conflict. Let us set some context before getting into the nature of conflict. Setting the context In Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus begins a teaching on how to confront a person who has injured you in some fashion. He uses the phrase, "if your brother sins against you..." Afterward, he lays out an incremental strategy for healing this type of interpersonal conflict. I would like to suggest that Jesus' methodology works in any situation in which two or more people are experiencing animosity, disagreement or relational tension. In short, Jesus words are a remedy for ANY type of conflict! The Nature of Conflict If we are to tackle conflict, it is perhaps best to begin by defining it. What is it? How does it arise? What are typical reactions to it? Conflict can be defined as a disagreement among two entities, which carries with it perceived or actual threats to each parties' needs, interests or concerns. It matters not whether the disagreement is big or small? Indeed, it matters not whether the threat is real or perceived. What is important is the break in the relationship that occurs as a result. Conflict can arise as in Jesus' example when one person does something to injure another person, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. But conflict can also arise because of misunderstandings. You shoot off and e-mail, which contains benign language; however, it is interpreted incorrectly, and voil! you get conflict. Or two people may disagree on what color to paint interior walls, how to achieve the right market share, or whether universal care is a right. So there is no shortage of reasons why conflict occurs.

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Typical Reactions to Conflict The image on the right comes from Ken Sande's excellent book, The Peacemaker, a biblical guide to help resolve conflict.

It is a diagram, which captures various ways that someone can respond to conflict. Notice the edges, which contain the way most people have been trained to respond to conflict: either they escape or they attack. The escape responses include:

Denial - We just ignore the problem (or the person) and hope that it goes away. Flight - This is where we try to escape the situation, either physically by running away or emotionally through substance abuse. Men will work longer hours, for example, as a way to escape conflict at home. People may turn to affairs or drugs to deaden the pain of conflict. Suicide - In some cases the pain becomes too great and the feeling of hopelessness too large. People thus take their lives.

The attack responses are equally damaging:

Assault - This can take any form including physical aggression (i.e. abuse), but it can also include verbal, psychological or emotional attacks against another person. People find it easy to manipulate others, especially if they are in a position of power. Litigation - This may take the form of taking someone to court.
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Murder - I find it interesting that Jesus compares anger toward your brother with murder (Matt 5:21-22), suggesting at least, that anger is at the root of murder. Conflict often leads to anger, which can lead to violence and eventually, murder. The statistics of spousal abuse are frightening in this country. But even more chilling are how many spousal deaths occur at the hands of abusers.

A different standard The right response to conflict is found in the middle section of the graph. Space does not permit us to flesh out these terms today. I would direct you to Ken Sande's book for more details. What we can say in general is that a human response to conflict, one that Christ calls his followers to obey, is one which seeks the welfare of the other person, which has love as its primary ethic and reconciliation as its primary goal. These are genuine values within a Matthew 18 community. Conclusion In our next series of posts, we will begin to break down Jesus' methodology for dealing with interpersonal conflict. Though the steps seem to be fairly self-explanatory, there are many implications and facets to each of these actions:

First confront someone individually Then bring others into the discussion Then get the community involved Finally, break your fellowship with the offender

Please join me for our next installment of the Matthew 18 Community where we will delve into the more practical aspects of conflict resolution. Til next time, Goodbye and Shalom, Gustavo P.S. If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it through your Twitter and Facebook networks.

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