Improving Sentences

This question type measures your ability to:

- recognize and correct faults in usage and sentence structure
- recognize effective sentences that follow the conventions of standard written English

Directions
The following sentences test correctness and effectiveness of expression. Part of each
sentence or the entire sentence is underlined; beneath each sentence are five ways of
phrasing the underlined material. Choice A repeats the original phrasing; the other
four choices are different. If you think the original phrasing produces a better sentence
than any of the alternatives, select choice A; if not, select one of the other choices.
In making your selection, follow the requirements of standard written English; that is,
pay attention to grammar, choice of words, sentence construction, and punctuation.
Your selection should result in the most effective sentence—clear and precise, without
awkwardness or ambiguity.

Example:

Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first book and she was sixty-
five years old then.

(A) and she was sixty-five years old then

(B) when she was sixty-five
(C) at age sixty-five years old
(D) upon the reaching of sixty-five years
(E) at the time when she was sixty-five

Answering Improving Sentences Questions

Look carefully at the underlined portion of the sentence because it may have to be
revised. Keep in mind that the rest of the sentence stays the same. Follow the two
outlined steps in answering each Improving Sentences question.

Step 1: Read the entire sentence carefully but quickly and ask yourself whether the
underlined portion is correct or whether it needs to be revised.
In the example above, connecting the two ideas ("Laura Ingalls Wilder published her
first book") and ("she was sixty-five years old then") with the word "and" indicates
that the two ideas are equally important. The word "and" should be replaced to
establish the relationship between the two ideas.

Step 2: Read choices (A) through (E), replacing the underlined part with each answer
choice to determine which revision results in a sentence that is clear and precise and
meets the requirements of standard written English.
Remember that choice (A) is the same as the underlined portion. Even if you think
that the underline does not require correction and choice (A) is the correct answer, it
is a good idea to read each choice quickly to make sure.
The word "and" indicates that the two ideas it connects are equally important. No.
Replacing the word "and" with "when" clearly expresses the information that the
sentence is intended to convey by relating Laura Ingalls Wilder's age to her
achievement. Yes, but continue to look at the other revisions.
Using the word "at" results in a phrase that is not idiomatic. No.
The phrase "upon the reaching of" also results in a phrase that is not idiomatic. No.
The phrase "at the time when she was sixty-five years old" is awkward and wordy.
No.

Correct answer: (B)

Scenes from the everyday lives of African Americans, which are realistically depicted in the paintings of
Henry Ossawa Tanner.
 (A) Scenes from the everyday lives of African Americans, which are realistically depicted in the
paintings of Henry Ossawa Tanner.
(B) Scenes from the everyday lives of African Americans being realistically depicted in the paintings of
Henry Ossawa Tanner.
(C) The paintings of Henry Ossawa Tanner realistically depict scenes from the everyday lives of African
Americans.
(D) Henry Ossawa Tanner, in his realistic paintings, depicting scenes from the everyday lives of African
Americans.
(E) Henry Ossawa Tanner, whose paintings realistically depict scenes from the everyday lives of
African Americans.

Correct Answer: C

Explanation:
For a sentence to be grammatically complete, it must include both a subject and a main verb. When a
sentence lacks either a subject or a main verb, the result is a sentence fragment. In this example all options
but (C) are sentence fragments.

 In (A), the phrase "Scenes... Americans " is modified by the dependent clause "which... Tanner," but there
is no main verb.

 In (B), the phrase "Scenes ... Tanner" contains no main verb.

 In (D), the noun "Henry Ossawa Tanner " is modified by "depicting " but is not combined with a main verb.

 And in (E), the noun "Henry Ossawa Tanner" is modified by the dependent clause "whose ... Americans "
but not combined with a main verb.

 (C) is correct. It is the only choice in which a subject ("The paintings of Henry Ossawa Tanner") is
combined with a verb ("depict") to express a complete thought.

Looking up from the base of the mountain, the trail seemed more treacherous than it really was.

(A) Looking up
(B) While looking up
(C) By looking up
(D) Viewing
(E) Viewed

Correct Answer: E

Explanation:
When a modifying phrase begins a sentence, it must logically modify the sentence's subject; otherwise, it is
a dangling modifier. In this example, every option except (E) is a dangling modifier.

 In (A), the phrase "Looking up from the base of the mountain" does not logically modify the subject "the
trail." A person might stand at the base of a mountain and look up at a trail, but it is illogical to suggest
that a trail looks up from the base of a mountain.

 (B), (C), and (D) are simply variations of the error found in (A). Each results in a sentence that illogically
suggests that a trail was looking up from the base of a mountain.

 (E) is correct. Although a trail cannot itself look up from the base of a mountain, a trail can be viewed by
someone looking up from the base of a mountain, so the phrase "Viewed from the base of the mountain"
logically modifies the subject "the trail."
 One of the most common types of mistakes that inexperienced physicians make is misreading symptoms,
another that occurs about as frequently is recommending inappropriate treatment.

(A) symptoms, another that occurs

(B) symptoms; another one that occurs
(C) symptoms, the other, and it occurs
(D) symptoms; another one which is occurring
(E) symptoms and also occurring

Correct Answer: B

Explanation:
This sentence illustrates a comma splice, the incorrect use of a comma to connect two complete sentences.
Choice B correctly uses a semicolon to coordinate two independent clauses and form a compound sentence
(while at the same time keeping verb tenses parallel). The correct sentence reads: One of the most
common types of mistakes that inexperienced physicians make is misreading symptoms; another
one that occurs about as frequently is recommending inappropriate treatment.

 (A) symptoms, another that occurs

 (B) symptoms; another one that occurs

 (C) symptoms, the other, and it occurs

 (D) symptoms; another one which is occurring

 (E) symptoms and also occurring

Underestimating its value, breakfast is a meal many people skip.

(A) Underestimating its value, breakfast is a meal many people skip.

(B) Breakfast is skipped by many people because of their underestimating its value.
(C) Many people, underestimating the value of breakfast, and skipping it.
(D) Many people skip breakfast because they underestimate its value.
(E) A meal skipped by many people underestimating its value is breakfast.
Correct Answer: D

Explanation:
The problem with this sentence is that the opening phrase "underestimating its value" modifies "breakfast,"
not "people." The order of the words in the sentence in choice (D) does not have this problem of a misplaced
modifying phrase. Choice (D) also clarifies the causal relationship between the two clauses in the sentence.
None of the other choices conveys the information presented in the sentence as effectively and directly as
choice (D).

 (A) Underestimating its value, breakfast is a meal many people skip.

 (B) Breakfast is skipped by many people because of their underestimating its value.

 (C) Many people, underestimating the value of breakfast, and skipping it.
 (D) Many people skip breakfast because they underestimate its value.

 (E) A meal skipped by many people underestimating its value is breakfast.

Certain shipwrecks have a particular fascination for those people which have a belief in finding the treasure
in them.

(A) which have a belief in finding the treasure in them

(B) that belief there is treasure to be found in them
(C) who believe they hold treasure and that they can find it
(D) who believe that there is treasure to be found in them
(E) who believe about treasure to be found in them

Correct Answer: D

Explanation:
This sentence is awkward as written, and the pronoun "which" is the wrong relative pronoun to refer to
"people" (the antecedent of the pronoun in this sentence). Choice (D) uses the correct pronoun "who" and
more effectively than the other choices states the characteristics of people who are fascinated by shipwrecks.
The correct sentence reads: Certain shipwrecks have a particular fascination for those people who
believe that there is treasure to be found in them.

 (A) which have a belief in finding the treasure in them

 (B) that belief there is treasure to be found in them

 (C) who believe they hold treasure and that they can find it

 (D) who believe that there is treasure to be found in them

 (E) who believe about treasure to be found in them

The revolt against Victorianism was perhaps even more marked in poetry than either fiction or drama.

(A) either fiction or drama

(B) either fiction or in drama
(C) either in fiction or drama
(D) in either fiction or drama
(E) in either fiction or in drama

Correct Answer: D

Explanation:
Correcting the error in this sentence requires close attention to the need for parallelism. The structure of the
underlined portion should match the structure of the phrase "in poetry" that appears earlier in the sentence.
Neither choice (A) nor choice (B) includes the preposition "in." Among the remaining choices, only choice (D)
has the preposition "in" appropriately located in the phrase. The correct sentence reads: The revolt against
Victorianism was perhaps even more marked in poetry than in either fiction or drama.
 (A) either fiction or drama

 (B) either fiction or in drama

 (C) either in fiction or drama

 (D) in either fiction or drama

 (E) in either fiction or in drama

Many of the instruments used in early operations of the United States Army Signal Corps were adaptations of
equipment used by the Plains Indians, particularly that of the heliograph.

(A) Corps were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians, particularly that of the
heliograph
(B) Corps, there were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians, particularly the heliograph
(C) Corps, and in particular the heliograph, was an adaptation of equipment used by the Plains
Indians
(D) Corps, and in particular the heliograph, were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians
(E) Corps being adaptations, the heliograph in particular, of those used by Plains Indians
Correct Answer: D

Explanation:
Correcting the error in this sentence requires moving the information about the heliograph closer to
"instruments," which is the material it relates to. Only choice D accomplishes this without introducing an
error in subject-verb agreement (as in C) or producing a sentence fragment (as in E). The correct sentence
reads: Many of the instruments used in early operations of the United States Army Signal Corps,
and in particular the heliograph, were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians.

 (A) Corps were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians, particularly that of the heliograph

 (B) Corps, there were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians, particularly the heliograph

 (C) Corps, and in particular the heliograph, was an adaptation of equipment used by the Plains Indians

 (D) Corps, and in particular the heliograph, were adaptations of equipment used by the Plains Indians

 (E) Corps being adaptations, the heliograph in particular, of those used by Plains Indians

The problem of antibiotic resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries because the sale and use of
antibiotics are not tightly controlled.

(A) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries because

(B) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries and
(C) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries when
(D) resistance is frequently compounded in certain countries where
(E) resistance is frequently compounded in certain countries and
Correct Answer: D

Explanation:
This sentence is a fragment as written; there is no verb in the main clause. Of the choices offered, only (C)
and (D) correct this problem. (D) is the best choice because the adverb "where" connects the second part of
the sentence in a way that clarifies the relationship between the two parts of the sentence. The correct
sentence reads: The problem of antibiotic resistance is frequently compounded in certain countries
where the sale and use of antibiotics are not tightly controlled.

 (A) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries because

 (B) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries and

 (C) resistance, frequently compounded in certain countries when

 (D) resistance is frequently compounded in certain countries where

 (E) resistance is frequently compounded in certain countries and

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